Issue 10, Volume 1 by Mark

of Blackhawk County September 1, 2008

Vol. 1, Issue 10

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�� 3rd Quarter 2008 �� Week 36 �� Aug 31 Sep 6 �� Page 1

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YOUCAN’T CAN TMAKE MAKETHIS THISSTUFF STUFFUP! UP! YOU

WEIRD&&WACKY WACKYNEWS NEWS WEIRD

ISSUE 2008.36

byRyan RyanToepfer Toepfer by

Weird & Wacky News

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Several have written writtenusustotorequest request a Several readers readers have a folfollow-up compilationofofnews newsitems itemsthat thatmake makeus low-up compilation us smile… or roll our eyes… or slap our heads smile or roll our eyes or slap our headsinin disbelief. disbelief.Tidbits Tidbitsisismore morethan thanhappy happytotooblige. oblige. • Just Just earlier earlier this this year, year, a a Kansas Kansas man manwas was working with a friend to install some working with a friend to install somelattice lattice for for his his wife’s wife s garden. garden. Suddenly, Suddenly,hehefelt felta a slight slightsting stingon onthe theside sideofofhis hishead. head.His Hisfriend friend had been untangling the air hose of his nail had been untangling the air hose of his nail gun and – ouch! – it misfired. The victim gun and ouch! it misfired. The victim said it didn’t really hurt, even when the ER said it didn t really hurt, even when the ER doctor removed the two-inch nail with a claw doctor removed the two-inch nail with a claw hammer. (Traditional medical tools had failed hammer. (Traditional medical tools had to accomplish the job). Luckily, the patient failed to and accomplish Luckily, the pawas fine sufferedthe no job). permanent damage tient was fine and suffered no permanent as a result of the mishap. damage as a result of the mishap. • The Milwaukee area had been inundated with nine The inches Milwaukee area had been inundated with of rain over one weekend in June nine inches rain over weekend in June 2008. Such aofrainfall canone easily overburden 2008. Such a rainfall can easily overburden a city’s sewer system, which may cause a city s sewer system, which maythe cause manmanhole covers to shoot up into air like hole coverscorks. to shoot intodriving the airover like champagne Cheri up K. was champagne corks. Cheri K. was driving over one such manhole on College Avenue at the one moment such manhole College said Avenue at the very it blew.onWitnesses the blast lifted rear ofitherblew. van about five feet very the moment Witnesses saidinto the the air. It also knocked the right rear tire off. blast lifted the rear of her van about five feet Cheri wasair. frightened but unharmed. into the It also knocked the right rear tire off. Cheri was frightened unharmed. • Motor scooters, okay, butbutmotor coolers? Yes, they exist. In New York State, they’re turn the page for more! regulated like other vehicles – so it’s illegal to drive them while intoxicated. A Washington County man was pulled over while driving his Cruzin’ Cooler erratically down a major thoroughfare at a speed of only about 12 miles per hour. He’d just left the local American Legion hall and was found to have 14 beers inside his “vehicle.” turn the page for more!

pages 1-4

Grover Cleveland pages 5-6

Statistically Speaking pages 7-8

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More Than One Way to Leash a Cat By Samantha Mazzotta

DEAR PAW’S CORNER: I read your column on cats wearing leashes and wanted to tell you our experience. Our cat, “Baby,” is not allowed out of the house without her halter on. She goes to the door and meows when she wants out. Baby has a 20-foot leash that we attach to posts placed strategically around the yard for her comfort. She lets me know exactly which one she wants to be on. We keep a water bowl handy for her, and she has plenty of shade, room to roam without becoming entangled, and comfortable places to relax. When she’s had enough of being outside, she meows for me to come get her. At 5 p.m., she will sit extended to the end of her leash and meow for her “walk.” My husband takes her for one every night. She will go to the end of our property, lie down and wait for him to pick her up and carry her back! No dummy, is she? She is very aware of her limitations, and in four years has never tried to go to the street. She likes being outside, but does not want to be

anywhere where she can’t see us. In turn, we don’t put her outside unless one of us is at home to check on her. I would say she is trained, but I believe it is the other way around. Yes, there is a lot of “let me out,” “let me in,” but to my way of thinking, if you can’t treat an animal as part of your family, you shouldn’t have one. Their needs are like a child’s: love, warmth, food, exercise, a safe home and more love. -- Jill T. in New York DEAR JILL: True words, there. Cat training is more often than not a cooperative venture, and it appears that you and your cat have worked out a way to use the leash that’s acceptable to both. Kudos to you! Send your tips, questions and comments to Paws Corner, c/o King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or e-mail them to pawscorner@hotmail.com.

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WEIRD NEWS (continued): • Early one morning, Stephen S. of Shippensburg, Pennsylvania, was awakened by a phone call from his brother, who said he’d be unable to drive Stephen to his scheduled court date that day. Stephen didn’t want to miss his appointment and be subject to an arrest warrant, so he walked to court. Twenty-five miles. In 90 degree weather. He arrived late, dehydrated, and a little lightheaded, but the judge admired Stephen’s pluck and deferred his sentencing until a later date. • A doorman for a Park Avenue apartment building in New York City recently won $5 million in the state lottery. Ironically, he still can’t afford to live in the building where he works. The only apartment for sale there is priced at a cool $9.5 million! • In early 2008, a group called the Center for Health, Environment and Justice made headlines briefly with the frightening information that shower curtains were downright deadly. The “group” claimed that its studies revealed that a typical PVC shower curtain releases 108 different toxic chemicals into the air. Many groups, including the Consumer Product Safety Commission, questioned the Center’s methodology. (It was later revealed that they’d only tested one shower curtain. Not one brand; one curtain.) The truth: unless you’re renting a room from Norman Bates, you probably won’t die in the shower. • Passers-by alerted the Miami Fire Department of a dog seen pacing over a storm drain grate in the roadway. Firefighters investigated and found a nine-week-old shepherd mix puppy whimpering in the sewer. Two rescuers donned HAZMAT gear, climbed down into the drainage system, and retrieved the frightened pup. When the pooch was returned to street level, the excited mother dog licked and nuzzled both her offspring and the firefighters who’d saved him. • A Salina, Kansas, man lost control of his car and drove it into the front steps of a house. His defense was the dreaded “brain freeze” followed by “chest freeze.” The driver had taken a sip of a large frozen drink he’d just purchased at a fast food restaurant, and was apparently overcome by some sort of overall ice cream headache. He was treated for minor scratches and bruises and released.

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WEIRD NEWS (continued): • A not-so-smart thug in London, England, robbed three teens on the city’s Underground (subway) at knifepoint. After demanding and receiving their jewelry, he took time out to try on one of the necklaces he’d just taken and admire his reflection in the lens of an on-board security camera. Armed with 15 seconds of filmed close-ups of the perpetrator’s face, London’s finest were able to apprehend him just a short time later. • The Bulova Company should use Teddy Bacon in its advertisements. Bacon was aboard a war ship near Gibraltar during World War II. He lost his watch in the Atlantic Ocean when throwing a line to shore. Just recently, the 89-year-old vet received a package in the mail. Inside was his beloved watch. A group of divers had found it and returned it. Even though it was underwater for 67 years, the timepiece was not scratched or rusted. More amazing? It still keeps perfect time! • A 22-year-old mugger picked the wrong guy to rob when she assaulted Harry Kopenis as he withdrew money from an ATM. The 71-year-old Korean War veteran chased after her, assisted by a good friend who joined the pursuit in his motorized wheelchair. The two men caught up with the woman and managed to tackle her to the ground. They even managed to hold her until the police arrived. • A photographer for the Ogden Standard-Examiner was busy snapping photos at the Utah high school track and field championship earlier this year when he accidentally wandered into an “off-limits” area. That particular area was off-limits because it was the receiving area for the javelin throw. You can predict what happened next. The shutterbug was taken to the hospital, where the spear was removed from his leg. The resultant wound was sewn up with 13 stitches. • Phil K. of Brighton, Michigan, inadvertently wrote out his property tax payment check for the wrong amount. It was no massive mistake: he only shorted the city 48 cents. But the traditional 6 percent late fee was added on to his bill, so the city sent him an invoice for a total of 51 cents. Naturally, the government sent this bill to him via certified mail, which cost them $5.21 in postage. • Researchers in the U.K. reported that men who press weights for 45 minutes three times per week are more likely to go bald. Supposedly, the testosterone rush of pumping iron causes thinning of the hair. • Chris Dunn met Pam Jensen in an online chat room called CompuServe CB Simulator. They were married in 1983 and the media referred to them as “The World’s First Internet Couple.” We’re pleased to report that in April 2008, Pam and Chris celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. Congratulations!

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LEMON STRAWBERRY SHAKE

Here’s a great way to cool off on a hot summer afternoon or a quick healthy snack you can help the kids make when they get home from school.

1 1/2 cups Dannon plain fat-free yogurt 1/2 cup diet ginger ale 1 (4-serving) package Jell-O sugar-free lemon gelatin 1 cup sliced fresh strawberries

In a blender container, combine yogurt, ginger ale and dry gelatin. Cover and process on HIGH for 10 to 15 seconds. Add strawberries. Re-cover and process on HIGH for 15 to 20 seconds or until mixture is smooth. Evenly pour into 2 glasses. Serve at once. Makes 2 ( 1 1/2 cup) servings. • Each serving equals: 120 calories, 0g fat, 10g protein, 20g carbs, 221mg sodium, 238mg calcium, 1g fiber; Diabetic Exchanges: 1 Fat-Free Milk, 1/2 Fruit; Carb Choices: 1.

Visit Healthy Exchanges at www.healthyexchanges.com, or call toll-free at 1-800-766-8961 for more information about the only national food newsletter for diabetics, heart/cholesterol concerns and healthy weight loss. (c) 2008 King Features Synd., Inc.

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Step Aerobics Without the Sore Knees By Andrea Renee Wyatt, M.S.S., C.S.C.S.

Take a Walk

Q. One of my favorite group exercise classes used to be step aerobics, but over time it began to bother my knees. My gym just started offering these classes again, but I’m worried about hurting my knees. Is there a right and wrong way to do step classes?

A: Step group-exercise classes were extremely popular in the past and are again becoming more and more integrated in group-exercise classes. The concept of using a “step” for cardiovascular and strength training is now being used in a combination of group exercise classes, and even though we step up and down each day as we walk through life, there are ways to ensure you are not injured during step classes. Concerns about hurting the knees are very common in step classes. Many adults deal with achy, sore, tired knees all day, and the last thing they want to do is stress already bothered knees. To keep this from happening, you can take precautions. First, choose the appropriate height of risers under the step you are using. A step that is too high for your height and leg length can add unnecessary stress to your knee. Many people want a higher step to add more intensity to their workouts; however, a too-high step can cause pressure on the knee and hip, and over time can cause pain or injury. A proper step height would be with the knee at approximately a 60-degree

angle when one foot is on the step. When starting out, you can use a lower step, but the 60-degree angle should be your maximum step height. Second, while stepping, it is important to step at a distance that is only one shoe length behind the step. Before beginning, place your toes touching the step and step back one shoe length. Notice how far you are from the step, and while stepping down, be sure not to step back any farther. It may take a little time to get used to this motion, but you want to make sure you are stepping up and not forward. Another tip is to make sure you are stepping up on the step with your heel first and making sure your whole foot is on the step without your heels hanging off the edge. Landing on the step with your toes first can keep you from standing up completely and also can put added stress on the knees. Be sure to speak with the step-class instructor beforehand about all of these proper stepping techniques to keep you safe. Stepping is great for cardiovascular and strength conditioning, and with proper technique, you can keep stepping toward your goals. Always consult a physician before beginning an exercise program. If you have a fitness or training question, write to Andrea in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475

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Mild Exercise Helps Manage Arthritis

I bought a bicycle to help with my arthritis. The next-door neighbor thought I was crazy, saying it would make the arthritis worse. He was wrong. Studies have shown that gentle rangeof-motion exercises actually make arthritis pain easier to manage. According to the Mayo Clinic, exercise is “critical” for those with arthritis because it “increases strength and flexibility, reduces joint pain and helps combat fatigue.” That’s good enough for me. Because I live in an area with hills, and mostly because I know I won’t go out every day to the YMCA for swim classes once winter comes, I bought an indoor recumbent bike. There are a number of benefits to this: I can read or watch TV while pedaling, there’s no danger of falling to the pavement, so a helmet isn’t required, the weather doesn’t matter, and best of all, since it’s right here,

I’m more likely to use it. I’ve settled on a routine of 10-minute sessions, at a slow pace, three times a day, and I can already feel a difference, as promised by the studies. That’s not to say that using this bike is now all the exercise I do, but my right knee isn’t as “hot” as it used to be, and I sense an overall increase in leg strength. Another idea, if you already have a bicycle, is to buy a trainer stand. Your regular bike goes up on the stand, and you pedal normally while the wheel spins behind you. If you would rather find an arthritisfriendly exercise program, consider the Arthritis Foundation Exercise Program or Aquatic Program. Check www.arthritis.org or call 1-800-283-7800 to locate classes in your area. Ask your doctor first if gentle range-of-motion exercises are recommended for you.

Matilda Charles regrets that she cannot personally answer reader questions, but will incorporate them into her column whenever possible. Write to her in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mail to columnreply@gmail.com.

• If you’re like the typical American, • Paleontologists claim that the food you eat travels Neanderthals used toothpicks. between 1,500 and 2,500 How can they tell, you might miles from the farm where it well ask? It seems that toothpick was grown to your plate. use leaves distinctive grooves on teeth. • It was English journalist, political essayist and novelist George • Are you familiar with lycanthropy? Orwell, probably best known for Unless you’re a fan of old his works “Nineteen Eighty-Four” horror films, probably not. and “Animal Farm,” who made “Lycanthropy” is the ability to the following sage observation: morph into a wolf. “Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with • Those who study such things say hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, that in a human, the sense of disregard of all rules and smell is about 10,000 times sadistic pleasure in witnessing more sensitive than the sense violence. In other words, it is war of taste. minus the shooting.” • The heaviest rainfall in a 24-hour • In Florida, there is one boat for period ever to fall in the United every 18 residents of the state. States occurred in Alvin, Texas, in 1979. In that year, a total • In an interesting social of 43 inches of rain fell in the experiment, Walpole Prison space of a single day. in Massachusetts introduced yoga into inmates’ routines • Did you know that August to see what would happen. is officially Immunization It’s had a beneficial effect, Awareness Month? Yep. I’m apparently: Since the routine not entirely sure what we’re was introduced, recidivism has supposed to do about it, been reduced by 40 percent. though. (c) 2008 King Features Synd., Inc.

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1. How old was pitcher Cy Young when he recorded his 511th, and last, majorleague victory in 1911? 2. Which pitcher has recorded the most career wins in the modern era without appearing in a World Series? 3. Name the last team the Dallas Cowboys beat in the NFL playoffs. 4. How many consecutive seasons has the Kent State men’s basketball team won 20 or more games, and how many times during that stretch have the Golden Flashes made the NCAA Tournament? 5. Name the last NHL team before the 2007-08 Detroit Red Wings to be the No. 1 overall seed in the NHL playoffs and win the Stanley Cup. 6. Brazil has won five World Cups in men’s soccer. How many gold medals has it won in men’s soccer at the Olympics? 7. Name the only badminton player to be featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated. (c) 2008 King Features Synd., Inc.

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ALL THE PRESIDENTS’ TIDBITS

GROVER CLEVELAND

the sheets near a safe fabric, not silk or anything delicate.” -- R.L. in North Carolina

1-760-435-0830 • On Sale in September: Cookware and dishes, pool and patio equipment and new cars (check for deals on the current year’s model after the new model year’s release). • What’s “in season” for fall? Try squash, apples, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, coconuts, cranberries, grapes, mushrooms, parsnips, pineapple, pumpkin, sweet potatoes and Swiss chard. • “I use this trick in my linen closet all the time, but you can also do it in your regular clothes drawers. Place a fabric softener sheet in dresser drawers or between towels and sheets when you put them away. Your clothes will retain a nice, freshly laundered scent. Make sure you place

• Studies show that having a late-afternoon snack of 100-200 calories high in protein can not only help you stave off the pre-dinner hungries, it also can save you as many as 400 calories at suppertime. You aren’t as likely to be overhungry, so you can pay attention to when your body tells you to stop eating. • Clean up your mailbox: To get off of junk-mail lists and to opt out of credit-card offers, take note of these handy Web sites. The Consumer Credit Reporting Industry maintains an official Web site at www.optoutprescreen.com for those who do not wish to receive preapproved offers regarding insurance and credit. The Direct Marketing Association handles requests for opting out of other mailers at www.dmachoice.org. Send your tips to Now Here’s a Tip, c/o King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 328536475 or e-mail JoAnn at heresatip@yahoo.com.

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When Richard and Ann Cleveland welcomed young Grover into the world, they probably hoped (like many parents) that he would grow up to become president. But they certainly had no idea that he would become president twice. • Stephen Grover Cleveland was born on March 18, 1837, in Caldwell, New Jersey. After his family moved to New York, Cleveland attended school with thoughts of applying to college. Those dreams ended when his father, a Presbyterian minister, passed away in 1853. Grover was forced to find employment, so he moved to Buffalo. There, he studied law and took a job as a clerk at a local firm. Cleveland passed the bar and earned his license to practice law in 1859. • When the Civil War broke out, 24-year-old Grover was drafted into the Union Army. At the time, draftees were legally allowed to hire replacements to take their spots in the service. Many who could afford this option chose it, and Cleveland was one of those. As sole support of his mother and (eight) siblings, he felt that he was needed more at home than on the front lines. • During the War, Cleveland was named the assistant district attorney of Erie County. His success there led to his first elected office, that of county sheriff. He wasn’t interested in the job itself, but knew that the handsome salary would help his family. Although voted in as a Democrat, Cleveland made it clear that politics would not affect his decisions as a public servant. (This popular position would serve him well on the road to the White House). • Back then in New York State, the enforcement of capital punishment was a duty of the sheriff of the county where the party was convicted. A long-serving deputy had previously handled executions, but Grover pointed out that the law stated specifically that the action was the responsibility of the sheriff. As such, he personally conducted the hangings of two murderers… not an easy job for anyone, much less a minister’s son. • Both individuals and business leaders appreciated Cleveland’s by-the-book stance, and his popularity enabled him to run for mayor of Buffalo in 1881. There, he earned the nickname “the Veto Mayor” because he chose to reject any measure of law that failed to meet his strict standards. He wanted a clean government, a refreshing change in the post-Civil War era.

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Get Free Stuff at FreeCycle Even better than a dollar stretched is a dollar that isn’t spent at all. It’s always good to get things you need for free. FreeCycle is an online network made up of 4,500 smaller groups around the world. Its main purpose is to keep things out of landfills, but what it means for you is free stuff that you need. Members offer things they want to give away or ask for things they need. No item is too small or large, it seems. You can find a new bottle of shampoo used only once (the buyer didn’t like it), or a washing machine that still has some life left in it but can’t be taken in a move. The list of requested items is just as diverse. Each FreeCycle group is managed by a moderator who makes sure everyone keeps to the rules. (Rules vary by group, but typically include things like no selling of e-mail addresses, no free pets and no bartering or trading.) Signup can be a bit complicated, but you only have to do it once. Each group (broken down by towns or small areas) has a Yahoo Groups site where you can sign in to read messages or view the photos of items that members have posted. Or you can opt to have each listing sent to you in e-mail. (This is easier.)

To read the FAQ and sign up, go to www.freecycle.org. Your best bet is to start by reading the postings for a few days and then giving something away. This establishes your sense of fair play with the group. Craigslist is another site with a Free section, although this one is under the For Sale category. Check it out at craigslist.org and click your city or state on the right side of the screen. The best listings are the ones with pictures included. If there isn’t a photo, you can reply to the ad and ask that one be sent to you. The standard cautions apply. Don’t put your phone number or address in your post. Ask for the sender’s phone number for any replies you get. That way you can call and weigh your own level of comfort in where/ how to transfer the items. David Uffington regrets that he cannot personally answer reader questions, but will incorporate them into his column whenever possible. Write to him in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mail to columnreply@gmail.com.

GROVER CLEVELAND (continued): • A year later, Grover’s popularity had expanded statewide. Promising heavy reforms, he won the New York gubernatorial election in 1882. He continued his hardball stance against government corruption and waste. By 1884, his name was being considered as Democratic presidential candidate. (Mind you, he’d only been a county sheriff three years prior.) He was chosen as the nominee, and was narrowly elected our 22nd president. • Cleveland’s devotion to family and work had left him a bachelor, but he wed Frances Folsom in 1886 (becoming the first president to be married in the White House). Although he won the popular vote during his re-election effort in 1890, Republican opponent Benjamin Harrison received more electoral votes and became the victor. When tough economic times gripped the nation, Grover was prompted to run again, and voters returned him to office in 1894. He’s the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms.

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QUIZ BITS 1. What musical instrument did Amy Irving Balky Thermostat Grime play in theIs1980 filmVictim By Samantha Mazzotta Thethermostat Competition? Q: My house -- one of those

older, round you twist the dial 2. kinds Whatwhere legendary to the temperature you want -- doesn’t Swedish got the house seem to work right. Itband cools its starttemperature, by winning then lets down to a freezing the temperature back up until we’re the climb 1974 Eurovision sweating. I can’t fi gure it out -- Harry S., Song Contest? Greenville, S.C.

1. PIANO 2. ABBA

1. He was 44 years old. 2. Phil Niekro, with 318 wins. 3. Minnesota, in the 1996 season. 4. Ten seasons, advancing to the NCAA Tournament five of them. 5. The Red Wings, in 2001-02. 6. None. 7. Joseph Alston.

tANSWERS

A: Simple low-voltage thermostats, like the one in your home, are pretty darn reliable and can last for many years. They do pick up a few quirks, however, when grime builds up QUIZ on the BITS bi-metal coil that acts as the temperature sensor. The coil ANSWERS expands or contracts as the temperature

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unit. Turn the dial to its lowest temperature setting. Then inspect the coil, contacts and wire connections. Sweep away dirt with a soft brush (an old watercolor brush will work). Turn the WORD dial to itsPOWER highest temperature setting to reach the rest of the coil. Unscramble this word... While the cover is off, make sure that the wires connecting A H A NtheMunitOtoRthe T heating/air conditioning are__securely __ __system __ __ __ __ __ wrapped around their terminals (the little screws word means: behind theThis dial). Loose connections can an endurance contest be re-wrapped using needle-nose pliers. One of the nice things about having an older, low-voltage thermostat is that you can easily swap it out for an electronic thermostat, which runs on the same low voltage and so can be hooked up with NEXT WEEK: the same wires as the old thermostat used. Electronic give you the TIDBITS thermostats SHINES WITH advantage of precise temperature control JEWELS & GEMSTONES and can be programmed to minimize heating or cooling when you aren’t at home -- saving that much more money. WORD POWER ANSWER

A man entered a local newspaper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, hoping that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

The term “yellow journalism” was coined during the late 19th century to describe sensationalist stories printed by The New York World and The New York Journal in their cutthroat competition for readership.

To cool down a house with of Nuggets no central air KNOWLEDGE conditioning, Inopen Canada, game of thea door to the cellar chance is considered (or deep crawlspace) and aplace lottery.aIn Canada, floor fan at the to run a lottery, you entrance, facing the living need a special license. area of the house.

That’s why all sweepstakes and random drawing contests have a Send questions or home-repair tips to hom eguru2000@hotmail.com, provision stating that if or write This Is a Hammer, c/o King Features a Canadian citizen is the Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475. winner, he has to answer a skill-testing (c) 2008 Kingquestion Features Synd., Inc. in order to claim his or her prize.

MARATHON

Famous Birthdays THIS WEEK

Danny Bonaduce – 08-13-59 Steve Martin – 08-14-45 Ben Affleck – 08-15-72 Madonna – 08-16-58 Sean Penn – 08-17-60 Rosalynn Carter – 08-18-27 Tipper Gore – 08-19-48