Kamloops Momma Issue 4 by Kamloops Momma Magazine

Kamloops Momma December-January 2010/11

The free magazine for local moms...and dads too!

Smiling All the Way Lizzie Harbaruk’s story

The ‘Get to Do’ List How to create a simple, less stressful holiday season

Held in the Wings of Angels Pregnancy and infant loss support

The Secret Codes of Misbehaviour Why children misbehave and what you can do about it

It’s the Thought that Counts

he other day I asked my daughter what she would give her dad for Christmas if she could give him anything she wanted to. She replied, ―I‘d like a game...for him.‖ ―What kind of game,‖ I asked. Letter ―A doll game.‖ I laughed. I guess I should have expected a 3.5 year old to choose a gift she from wanted. But I gave her another chance. ―Is there anything else?‖ a Kamloops ―A new belt.‖ Now, a new belt might not sound like Momma the most exciting gift, but you don‘t know my husband. Losing his tattered belt (the one he‘s had since high school) is almost a daily occurrence in our household. It‘s definitely time for a new belt and I was darn impressed my daughter thought of it. I remember the first time I had the opportunity to buy my mom anything I wanted to and, let‘s just say, I think she would have preferred a belt. I was seven years old and my mom gave me $30 to buy her Christmas gift. I was overjoyed by the opportunity, having given only handmade gifts in the past. We were an ‗it‘s the thought that counts‘ type of family, which resulted in a lot of homemade gifts. Popsicle stick sleds, pinecone mice, and pasta angels were Christmas favourites that adorn my Christmas tree to this day. So purchasing a gift for my mom felt like such a privilege and a great responsibility – like the success of Christmas rested on my choice. Thankfully it didn‘t! After much consideration, I decided that my mom absolutely could not live without a very large brass whale statue. Well, for twenty years now, the statue has been a fixture in my mom‘s house and for 15 of those years, I‘ve wondered how she didn‘t cringe when she opened the gift and, more importantly, why she still had it. But I guess the statue is like the finger painting I have hanging on my wall; I wouldn't buy it at the store but I‘ll have it forever. And that‘s why my daughters will stick to handmade or hypothetical gifts for a few more years. I‘m not ready for my very own brass whale statue. — Courtney Charlton, editor To share your ideas and comments, please contact us at info@kamloopsmomma.com or find us at facebook.com/kamloopsmommamagazine.

On the Cover: Who said a newborn can‘t smile? At just eight days old, Lainey is beaming and her momma is sure it‘s not gas! Smile captured by Lisa DiGeso of Milk & Honey Photography. Lisa's style is fun, whimsical, and upbeat. She loves to incorporate fun props, vintage chairs, cute hats and aims to make art that warms hearts! She is a natural light & studio photographer and photographs maternity, newborns and babies under 1 years of age. For more information, please check out www.milkandhoneyphotography.ca

info@kamloopsmomma.com www.kamloopsmomma.com Look for us on Facebook! 3

A Look Inside Kamloops Momma... Lauren and Abby

Lisa Lopez: A Winning Mom

Winner of the Fit By Design Mommy‟s Challenge

Smiling All the Way

Lizzie Harbaruk‟s story

It's a Jungle Out There

Following a first-time mom from final trimester to 1st birthday

The ‘Get to Do List’

Carlo, 2

Simplifying the holiday season

Change the Life of a Child in Need

Photo: Katherine Darwent

Foster parenting

Post Partum Doggy Depression

10 11

How one dog copes with his new sister Logan, 2

Community Business Directory

Photo: Katie Cavaletto

Held in the Wings of Angels

A directory of local businesses for you and your family

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group

Get Connected with local parent-child groups 15 The Secret Codes of Misbehaviour

Kaitlyn

Why children misbehave and what you can do about it

Dear Aunty

Answering questions about you and your child‟s health

How to Live Well Within Your Means

Restructure your finances and keep more of your money Lexie, 6 Photo: Lorrie Jane Arnott

Giving Children a Chance to Grow Their Own Spirituality 21 Encouraging spirituality

Community Events Calendar Kamloops Momma is the fun, reliable publication connecting local families to each other and to our community. We provide information about regional events, resources and businesses, as well as articles intended to inspire, enlighten, and empower parents and caregivers. As a local resource, we want our community to get involved. We encourage and accept submissions from any person, business, or organization sharing our goal to strengthen our parenting community. Kamloops Momma is published every two months and available for free at businesses and organizations throughout our region. Readers can also download the

Kamloops Momma Magazine Published by Courtney Charlton, Editor Contact: 778-472-0020 info@kamloopsmomma.com www.kamloopsmomma.com facebook.com/kamloopsmommamagazine All rights reserved. No written or illustrated part of this magazine may be reproduced, except brief quotations in articles or reviews, without permission from the editor and individual authors.

Lisa Lopez: A Winning Mom Lisa Lopez is beaming. Why? Because she is the winner of more than $500 in prizes from the Fit By Design Mommy‟s Wellness and Nutrition Challenge. Photo: Robyn Shiels, State of Grace Photography

By Courtney Charlton

isa Lopez knows firsthand that motherhood can be challenging. Nine months ago she gave birth to a beautiful little boy, Alejandro, and has since struggled with postpartum depression. To help cope, Lisa added one more ‗challenge‘ to her life: the Mommy‘s Wellness and Nutrition Challenge. The 4 week child-friendly boot camp enabled Lisa to focus on herself, connect with other moms, and have more fun than you can imagine at a fitness class. Lisa was hesitant at first, but she overcame her nerves and not only completed the challenge, she won it. And what did she win? A Bodybugg from Red Tag Fitness, a massage from Studio Massage and Spa, a gift certificate from Café Fresh, a portrait session from State of Grace Photography, and another month of Fit By Design boot camp! I sat down with Lisa to get her thoughts on the experience. Here‘s what she had to say:

Q:How have you changed? A:Well, I lost some weight. I have more energy. And I‘m able to cope better. If I have a breakdown, and I still do sometimes, I am able to recover quicker. I‘m more understanding of myself, actually. Q:Were you motivated by the possibility of winning? A:When you feel you are part of a group and part of a challenge it‘s easier to avoid temptations. I think just knowing that you‘re in it with other people helps. And knowing there is a measurement at the end. Q:Did you set a goal for yourself? A:When I started I thought ‗there needs to be an improvement or else…‘ I wanted to lose more inches, but then I was thinking about it and it was unreasonable for me to think that I could lose more in 4 weeks.

Q:What will you take with you from this experience? A:Motivation to keep exercising and conQ:Have you ever done something like this before? nections with peoA:No, I did try a normal fitness class on my own but with my ple. It‘s all about husband‘s work schedule it was too difficult. having friends, a good leader, and a Q:What was the toughest part of the challenge? A:Just coming the first time—to come and see how it went and supportive family environment. to stick with it even if Alex is a little bit grumpy. Q:Why did you sign up for the challenge? A:(Getting Exercise) was recommended by my counsellor to handle post-partum depression. And my husband works fulltime so I needed something where I could take Alex with me.

Q:Were there any times that you wished your son wasn‘t with you? A:(Laughter) Yeah, definitely! There was one day when the babysitter couldn‘t come. He was kind of going nuts. He just wanted me to nurse him and we ended up sitting out most of the class.

For more information on the next Mommy’s Wellness and Nutrition Challenge, contact Sabrina Sinclair, owner of Q:What was the best thing about the challenge? Fit By Design, at sinA:Just meeting everybody and knowing everybody‘s out clairs1@shaw.ca, there. And I suppose being able to share my story. The hard- 250.851.2095 or on est thing is to admit that you are struggling and that some mo- Facebook. ments you feel like you can‘t do it.

Smiling All the Way: Lizzie Harbaruk‟s Story

Elizabeth (Lizzie) Harbaruk battles cancer the only way she knows how: with a smile.

By Troi Crombie

ost of you have probably seen a child with a severe illness and wondered, ―Why?‖ Some of you might have even experienced it yourselves and been angry or thought, ―It‘s not fair.‖ Well, Jenn and Chris Harbaruk admit that these thoughts have gone through their minds during the past few weeks as their happy, healthy, and sweet little 2year-old daughter underwent testing that resulted in a frightening diagnosis. I remember being at Lizzie Bits Baby Co., Jenn Harbaruk‘s store, while Jenn was making a doctor‘s appointment to discuss Elizabeth‘s protruding tummy. We had Lizzie standing on the counter, poking and prodding her hard bloated tummy as she grinned down at us. Those who know Lizzie are familiar with her contagious smile that lights up the room. No one would think of her as anything but a perfectly healthy and extremely happy child. That's why the news Jenn and Chris were about to receive came as such a shock. Their family doctor explained that she felt masses on either side of Lizzie's stomach where her kidneys are. Blood and urine testing revealed that all was within reasonable limits. Nonetheless, an ultrasound was scheduled for two days later. During the test, the ultrasound technician's uneasiness had Jenn worried, but worry turned to total panic when the radiologist was called into the room. The Harbaruks were told to go home and that their doctor would contact them. By the time the anxious family got home there were two messages on their answering machine asking them to be at the doctor's office within the hour. Before leaving, Jenn looked online and found something called polycystic kidney disease. Feeling somewhat prepare—thinking they could deal with that—they met with the doctor. The Harbaruks heard the term ‗Nephroblastomatosis‘ but it

Photos: Troi Crombie didn't register. The doctor continued to talk about treatment and going immediately to BC Children's Hospital. Finally someone said, ―Did you just say cancer?‖ and the answer was ―Yes.‖ Jenn felt her ears shut down and her blood go to her legs. Nephroblastomatosis is cells or ‗rests‘ of tissue within the kidney. When the cells are not benign, they give rise to Wilms‘ tumor, a cancer of the kidneys most commonly found in children. The Harbaruk's were told that they would be leaving for BC Children's Hospital that day or the next and they left the office. When Lizzie was in her car seat, Jenn and Chris stood in the middle of the parking lot and finally lost it in each other‘s arms. A mix of overwhelmed and devastated only begins to explain what Jenn and Chris were feeling. After an already unimaginable day, they needed to pack for the next 5 days, make phone calls to family, plan for the care of Lizzie's brothers, Tyler(8) and Jackson(12), call Chris' employer, find staff for Lizzie Bits, and find accommodations for the next week in Vancouver. First thing the next morning the Harbaruk‘s were in the car and on their way to Children's Hospital. Upon their arrival, a handful of doctors questioned them about Lizzie's symptoms. The worried parents explained that they saw no symptoms, that Lizzie was a completely normal, healthy, and happy little girl and that their only concern was her extended belly. The Harbaruk's realized then that Lizzie was very much an anomaly: the disease hadn't affected her life whatsoever. While Lizzie experienced a little bit of high blood pressure and anemia- both symptoms of Wilms‘ tumor-there was no sign of abdominal pain, no fevers, and no blood in her urine. Since the cancer was bilateral, affecting both kidneys, this

“Her smile will put a smile on anyone's face, just like it did before the diagnosis—she hasn't changed.” was strange. Lizzie was admitted to oncology and as they walked through the hospital and saw long term patients, Jenn thought, ―I can't do that.‖ The next eight days were a brutal experience filled with fasting and procedures: blood pressure checks every four hours, a CT scan, an MRI, a PET scan and surgery to have the VAD(Ventricular Access Device) inserted to take blood work and to later administer the chemo treatments. The procedures were heart-breaking. Can you imagine telling a 2-year-old that she can't have a bottle because she's fasting for eight hours? During this process, the Harbaruks were told that there was another grouping of cells in Lizzie's tailbone. Their first thoughts included ―more cancer‖ and ―what if it's a different type?‖ Jenn couldn't even believe the words were coming out of her mouth but she found herself asking ―Are we talking about survival or not?‖ The answer was ―Of course.‖ The Harbaruk's took their roles-Jenn as the nurturer and Chris as the family's strong shoulder and protector. Lizzie's attitude was certainly key in helping her parents cope. Lizzie would run around the play room with IV's hooked to her as her parents followed with her ―cart.‖ It wasn‘t easy teaching 2-year-old Lizzie (feeling well enough to play) to pull a cart around with her. Jenn and Chris began referring to it as her ‗buddy,‘ hoping that would build some sort of attachment. Eventually Lizzie referred to it as ‗Docky‘- her name for her brother Jackson. The diagnostic process was a horrible experience for which Jenn and Chris were completely unprepared, but Lizzie‘s joyful spirit and the hope of a treatment plan to restore their precious daughter's health gave them the strength to push through and deal with it. They are truly glad it is over. Today's survival rate for children with Wilms tumor is an astounding 80-90% in contrast to just 50% in 2002. Lizzie is responding well to the chemo treatments and doctors are astonished. Chemo tends to leave people, especially children, tired and weak but not little Lizzie! Her smile will put a smile on anyone's face, just like it did before the diagnosis—she hasn't changed. The Harbaruk's try to carry on with their life to maintain a certain level of sanity. Treating Lizzie like they did prior to October 6th, is not easy. Her parents try not to keep Lizzie in a bubble but the worry of a compromised immune system is in the back of their minds. She is healthy and strong. She doesn't look sick or act it. Lizzie‘s most recent visit to BC Children's Hospital included an MRI after finishing the six week protocol. They are now awaiting results to see what happens next. Their options include another six weeks of chemotherapy treatments, removal of the cancerous cells, or removal of a portion of her kidney. Whatever the decision, and despite her excellent response to the treatments, there will be many more trips to Vancouver. This means more fuel costs, accommodations, and time off work. An incredible amount of generosity has been shown to the Harbaruk's already and they are extremely grateful. Nearly $2500 was raised at the Kids Stuff Swap from the sale of baked goods and ticket sales for a huge basket of donated items and another $1600 was raised at the fund raising dinner held at Duffy's Pub. Another Love to Lizzie ―fun‖draiser featuring a Dora the Explorer Meet & Greet will be held on December 29th at Sahali Center Mall in the old Sport Mart Plaza. Tickets for this event can be purchased at www.kamloopsevents.ca. I look at my daughter's sweet little smile as I write this story and try to imagine what would it be like to go through what the Harbaruks are going through. What would I think? Could I handle it? Would I wonder ―why?‖ I asked Jenn what her thoughts are now, if she sees a purpose in all this. Jenn believes that Lizzie is here for a very special reason. This will make her stronger and, as people see her strength, perhaps it will help them get through their own situation. For the weeks following the diagnosis, I‘ve found myself thinking about the Harbaruk's several times a day, praying for them, and not with dry eyes. I came to asking myself, ―How can I be so emotional about this without really knowing any details?‖ Then I looked at my 2-year-old little girl, 6 months older than Lizzie, and found my answer. This story has touched my heart deeply because we love Lizzie and her family and simply because, like Jenn, I am a mother.

2 year old Lizzie knows how to have fun in the hospital. Photos: Jenn and Chris Harbaruk

~Following a first-time mom’s journey from the final trimester to baby's 1st birthday~

It's a Jungle Out There – One Big Molded Plastic Jungle Rya‟s plastic jungle Photos: Erin Brûlé

By Erin Brûlé

n the last issue, I mentioned that perhaps the most important lesson I needed to learn as a new mama is to simply let go of any and ALL preconceived notions I had about parenthood. I'm working on it. I have now fully let go of the fantasy of showering every day. I have let go of the idea that I will have time to cook delicious meals (I have, however, learned to make a meal out of the canned goods found on the bottom shelf that I have no recollection of ever buying). And I have recently let go of the notion that my living room will ever look like a living room again. We moved into a fairly small house this summer. I wasn't too worried about it because my thought at the time was, ―It's a baby...how much room do they really need?‖ Yes...I can hear the collective laughter of all you veteran moms as you shake your head at me in amusement. I get it now. It ain't the baby...it's all their stuff! My sister told me, ―The smaller the child, the bigger the stuff.‖ She wasn't kidding. Take one small living room, add in a bassinet, a mobile dangling off a kitchen chair, a bouncy seat, a bumbo, a car seat, a play-mat and a smattering of rattles, stuffed

animals and toys and voila! Where once there was a living room now sits a crazy play-centre full of molded plastic. All that's missing is the big pit of plastic balls...but I suppose that will come a bit later. I'm seriously considering investing in some modern plastic furniture just so everything will match! Some days I feel like I'm looking at a page from a 'Where's Waldo' book trying to find my daughter in the plastic jungle and I have to wonder, ―How can one tiny being require so much stuff?‖ I guess the truth is, they don't—we do. Take for example, my new favourite ―thing‖ for Rya—the affectionately named 'Ring of Neglect!' You know what I'm talking about, right? The little plastic seat set amid a myriad of toys that you can plunk your peanut in to score a few free minutes to yourself. Then, once they are settled in there, you try to get as many things checked off your to-do list before they grow bored of the 20 toys attached to the activity centre (actually...I have an old school one that only has about 8 toys - but, since it's all new to my daughter, I get at least 10 minutes before she's done!) Of course, more often than not, instead of using that time to get things checked off my to-do list, I find myself staring in awe at how quickly she is growing up. Oh well, the to-do list will be there tomorrow. And the next day, and the day after that. So, perhaps I'll just work on that 'letting go' thing, and simply let go of the idea that the to-do list will ever get any shorter...ever! (or the laundry pile) Erin is a first-time mom learning the ropes of being a mama and discovering how a new baby fills not just your heart, but also your home – literally! To catch updates as she navigates the alien world of parenthood, check in at loopymama.ca.

The ‘Get to Do List’ By Janet Whitehead

Christmas Dinner: Can you break tradition and make it simpler? Pre-make side dishes? Have others bring a side dish? Events: What events on the list make you smile and what Step 1: Get out the ‗To Do‘ list. ones feel like pressure? Try really really hard to cross off the Step 2: Take a big breath and start crossing things off. pressure events. They might be events you 'should' attend, "I can't do that!!" you might be thinking. Let me convince but remember, you are trying to reduce the overwhelm. you: Your ‗To Do‘ list is likely a key factor in your not getting Once you are done with all of the cross off's, you might acto enjoy the season nearly as much as you could be. The list is long. It's overwhelming. It's full of unrealistic expectations. It's tually have time to do the things you'd love doing. Your list in your thoughts so much that when you are doing something might start to look like this: More story times with the kids. Read a book. Go Tobogganyou enjoy, you're thinking of the ‗To Do‘ list. ing. So let's turn that ‗To Do‘ list into an "I GET TO DO" list. If New Year's Eve is more of an ordeal than a pleasure for Step 3: Across the top of the ‗To Do‘ list write: How can I make you, do this: this simpler? Heck, how can I make this fun? Step 4: Cross things off the list – pretend you are an editor who must trim a 500 word article to 50 words. Your list will start to look like this: is the Season to Audaciously Cross Things OFF the Way Too Long ‗To Do‘ List. ‗Get to Do‘ is the new ‗To Do.‘

TIPS for CROSS OFFS: The Baking List: Cross off all but 3 or 4 favourites. Cross off everything that's complicated to cook. Will it still be Christmas without Russian Teacakes or fudge that you burn three times before it turns out right? Yes. Kids' Gift List: Still trying to balance the number and value of gifts for your kids? Stop. You know you love them equally. "Balancing" just costs you more and more money. If the list is already way out of balance—so much so that one child will be sure you don't love them at all—cross the extra gifts off the list. Put them away for a birthday or return them after Christmas. A tip to simplify gift giving for kids: Give them one thing they think they want, one thing you know they would like, and if you love board games or movies, add that. This could be the year that you've decided to reduce 'stuff' to help the environment. Your kids might...maybe... buy into that, especially if 'experiences' like movies or skiing become a part of the gift giving tradition. Gift list that has you going to 12 different stores: Pick a theme like 'books' and spend a relaxing afternoon in the book store choosing a special book, magazine or journal for in-laws, parents, siblings and friends. Or buy them movie passes… (we're leading up to something here.)

Notice how your ‗To Do‘ list is turning into an ‗I GET TO DO‘ list? Feeling some relief? Once you've gotten through the Christmas season, you can practise the art of "I GET TO DO" all year round. Do you repeat New Year's resolutions each year because you never actually do them? Diet, go to the gym, spend more time with hubby/wife, visit relatives more, start and finish the book you've always wanted to write, get a new job? Cross ALL of them off the list. ALL. Create an "I GET TO DO" list of things that you'd love to do and that are do-able. I get to: go hiking, take bollywood dancing classes, go to movies, play board games. Notice how doing these things will actually lead to goals of getting fit, spending time with hubby, and you can invite the relatives to join you for board game nights. Perhaps they'll invite you to the movies with the passes you gave at Christmas! I get to: "Write for 5 minutes 3 times a week." Taking tiny, even infinitesimal steps is a sure cure past procrastination, overwhelm and perfectionism that prevents you from even showing up to the page. The tiny step philosophy works for all those big goals you never get to. About 'Get a New Job': Give yourself permission to immerse in those passions on the "I Get to Do" list. It is in this space of 'playful and fun' that clear and empowering thoughts arrive. Don't be surprised if a new job opportunity or business idea pops up while you are at bollywood dance class! One more little spirit lifting tip: For the things that really must get done, playfully say, "I get to do" instead of "I have to do." The phrase alone lightens up even doing the dishes! Janet L. Whitehead is Certified Life and Creativity Coach. musingsandmud.com

If You Have What it Takes to Change the Life of a Child in Need, Would You? By Rachael Pasemko

than’s mom suffers from depression. She lost her job, tions, and child protection is a process. There is support availdrinks a few times each week, and is often not able to able from the team that works with the child: the child‘s social get out of bed. Ethan misses a lot of school. In the morn- worker, a resource social worker, family support worker, ing he gathers a few things for lunch, but usually arrives late. counselor, and school staff. Fostering can also be the most He is seven years old. Ethan is having trouble learning to read, rewarding role; watching children blossom in response to he doesn’t have any friends and is very distracted in the classstability, consistency, and kindness, and seeing the children room. When Ethan gets home from school he watches TV, finds reunited with their parents who worked to restore balance in something to eat, and later puts himself to bed. Ethan rarely their own lives. bathes. There are several steps to become a foster parent. After Social workers spend time offering help to Mom and she is first contacting the agency, a social worker will meet to disunable to improve. It is identified, based on legcuss the process and answer any questions. If islation, that she is not able to meet Ethan’s needs “What many children the family decides to open their home to chiland he is removed from his home. Mom will now dren and youth there is paperwork that inin care need is very cludes application forms, criminal records have some time to work to manage the symptoms of depression and address the drinking. This litchecks, reference letters, and a medical examisimple: stability, tle boy does not have any relatives or close famination from a doctor to ensure health and the consistency, ly friends, that are able to care for him so social ability to care. The home can be rented or workers look for a family care home. attention, guidance, owned and the social worker will do a home Ethan’s needs are quite simple: safety, stability, study which includes looking to ensure that the and love. These consistency, and guidance. He will thrive with home is safe and to make plans to add anything some attention from an adult to show him how needed like fire extinguishers or smoke alarms. children need important he is. Ethan needs someone to check At that time the social worker will discuss the on his school work and make sure he safely recaregivers background and experience, and caregivers.” turns from class each day. Ethan will go back to style of parenting. living with his mom but he needs a caregiver for six months. The caregiver will be able to identify what age, gender, and There is a family that can care for a boy his age and their home level of special needs they are able to provide the best care is in the same neighbourhood, which is good for making this for. A child that is outside that plan or beyond a caregiver‘s transition a little less difficult for Ethan. skill level will not be placed in that home. If there is an inEthan first visits with his mom two days each week for two or stance where a child does surpass the ability of a caregiver three hours and, as she gains more energy, he spends full days that child will be moved. with her on the weekends. She is going to counseling and takSecwepemc Child and Family Services is a First Nations ing steps to get better. She phones regularly and has develchild welfare agency that incorporates opportunities for the oped a friendship with the caregiver. Ethan has been in the children to participate in cultural activities and gatherings. care home for 2 months and the teacher reports Ethan is more First Nations people are taking responsibility for First Nations open, confident, and his reading has improved three levels. He children‘s needs. Aboriginal children make up half of the chilstarted to socialize with two different boys during recess and dren in care. They are often not only separated from their lunch. The teacher says Ethan smiles more. family but their community, culture, and language as well. There are children and youth with families that are unable Ideally, aboriginal children in care will be placed with aboto care for them for many different reasons. Most children are riginal caregivers to support a positive and active involvein care for less than one or two years and then return to their ment in culture and traditions. Many aboriginal children are family. Other children are in care permanently and will live living in non-aboriginal homes and those caregivers are inwith caregivers until they turn 19 years old. volved in cultural activities to support the child. A family care home, or foster home, is an arrangement that What many children in care need is very simple: stability, is financially supported by an agency to provide care to a consistency, attention, guidance, and love. These children child in need; Caregivers can be a single person, a couple, need caregivers. with their own children or without, that are over the age of 19 For more information on fostering, please contact Nola and have a spare bedroom. Most important is kindness, paCampbell at 250.461.7237 or Sharon Edwards at 250.314.9669. tience and a desire to positively influence the life of a child. * The family described in this article is fictional and any reBeing a foster parent can be a challenge; some children‘s semblance to any family’s story or situation is unintentional. behaviour is difficult, the parents can cause stress and disrup-

Post Partum Doggy Depression By Courtney Charlton

t two years old, Gryffin was living the good life. ―We had spoiled him beyond repair and he had the best of everything and us,‖ admits his mom, Kristin Bond. ―This meant regular trail runs and hikes with Mom, truck rides and days hunting with Dad, and weekends at the lake swimming and chasing sticks.‖ Now, you might question hunting with a twoyear old but, you see, Bond‘s first child is not human, he‘s canine. ―We have had Gryffin since he was 8 weeks old One week old Cameron Giorio rests comfortably in her big brother‟s „arms.‟ and he was absolutely our baby.‖ The yellow LabraPhoto: Kristin Bond “During our dor retriever enjoyed 2.5 glorious years as an only tom doggy seat in her doggy van, and takes him and some pregnancy we child but then a new sibling, the doggy friends on hiking adventures around Kamloops. ―Each dog is belted in, sports their own bear bell, is promised ourselves human kind, turned his world upscreened to make sure they get along with the nine other side down. and our beloved ―During our pregnancy we prom- hounds in the pack, and can rest assured that they will be well attended to by a serious dog lover who is highly pooch that nothing ised ourselves and our beloved trained in canine first-aid.‖ pooch that nothing would change; would change; he he would continue to be the top dog And once again, Gryffin is living the good life. has seen more of the Kamloops area than most of would continue to be in our house and that that the new its―Gryffin residents with trips to such exotic locales as the Savona baby would just have to adjust to Caves, Gibraltar Rock at Paul Lake, Isobel Lake, and Stake the top dog in our the lay of the land.‖ and McConnell Lakes.‖ Well, this was one promise that house and that that couldn‘t be kept. So, is Gryffin‘s doggy depression cured? the new baby would ―We had an overwhelming sense ―Now, like dinner time, he is programmed to know when of guilt about not having the time or she is coming and actually leaps in the air and whines with just have to adjust to energy to maintain Gryffin‘s exer- delight when he sees the van pull into our drive.‖ A lot has changed in the year and a half since Gryffin the lay of the land.” cise and playtime routine after started his canine adventure hikes. bringing home our brand new, ―He is much happier and laid back and has made a few complicated, and very demanding baby girl.‖ good doggie friends too!‖ Gryffin made sure his parents knew that he wasn‘t happy And his parents are happier too. about the changes. ―Parenting is loaded with guilt, regardless of whether He experienced ―bouts of lethargy to sudden moments of your child is human or canine, and our inability to fit Gryffin manic energy where he would rip around the yard or house in an attempt to get our attention. He would often mope on his bed into our new schedule was heartbreaking; thankfully Ashley had the time!‖ and refuse to come out of the bedroom. He just didn‘t underBut, the question is, how does he feel about his little sisstand who she was and what having her in our home meant to ter? him.‖ ―Gryff and Cam have a good relationship and he is quite Gryffin had a serious case of post partum doggy depression and his parents didn‘t know what to do. Then Bond heard about protective of her—after all, she is a good source of food and pretty cute to boot!‖ Kamloops Urban Tailz Pet Care. Kamloops Urban Tailz Pet Care won the 2010 Chamber of Urban Tailz, owned by Ashley Gribble, takes care of almost all of your pet‘s needs, offering everything from private doggy Commerce Business Excellence Award for Best Homewalks to dog photography to poo removal. Based Business. For more information, please contact Ash―Ashley was Gryffin‘s lifeline out of our chaotic home. After ley Gribble at 250.572.6339 or visit www.freewebs.com/ months of unhappiness I enlisted the help of Ashley and Gryff urbantailz. began his bi-weekly Canine Adventure Hikes.‖ Gribble picks Gryffin up at his house, straps him into his cus-

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Health and Wellness

Ideal

Ideal Weight Kamloops Achieve The Ideal You! Call us today for a free consultation! idealweightkamloops@gmail.com 250.819.8894 idealweightkamloops.com

Musings and Mud Coaching Studio Nursing bras, Harley Davidson, Robeez & more! Over 10 000 quality consignment items! 3-700 Tranquille 250.376.1914 & Facebook

Life Coaching with a creative twist! Janet L. Whitehead, certified professional coach janet@musingsandmud.com 250.376.8402 www.musingsandmud.com

Lizzie Bits Baby Co.

Twin Valley Wellness Clinic

Go Green! Use Cloth! Cloth diaper specialists. Unique children‘s items. High quality children‘s consignment.

Registered Massage Therapy Sports massage and rehabilitation Pre-natal and post-natal massage. Body cushion pregnancy system avail. 250.374.6396

Largest selection of NEW and USED items

205-450 Lansdowne 250.374.8706 lizziebaby.ca

Mulberry Bush Kids Stuff Inc. Gently Loved Consignment & New Items Infant to Adult Clothing, Baby Furniture, the largest inventory of Robeez, Melissa & Doug www3.telus.net/mulberrybush 250.374.2501

The Loopy Family Coupon Book Because it’s fun to be frugal! Now booking for the 2011 edition 250.574.1258 info@loopyfamily.ca www.loopyfamily.ca

Tumbleweed Toys Sahali Mall Specializing in the highest quality dolls, costumes, music, art, crafts, gifts, books, educational games, puppets, science kits 250.372.3500 www.TumbleweedToys.ca

Children’s Programs Unitarian Fellowship Our children‘s program helps develop awareness of inner strength and resources and enlivens the presence of spirit in their lives.

250.374.5594 www.uukam.bc.ca

Counselling and Tutoring Sharen Michael, B.A. Elementary School Tutor Davis Learning Strategies Family Counsellor 250.372.5636

Indoor Fitness and Recreation Fit By Design Precision Fitness Training...for Body and Mind Family Friendly Boot Camp Sabrina, sinclairs1@shaw.ca 250.851.2095 Look for us on Facebook!

Game-On Interactive Fitness Putting the Fun into Fitness. All Ages, All Abilities, All FUN! 444 St Paul St 250.374.4263 www.gameoninteractivefitness.com

Let’s Move Studio Yoga - Dance - Wellness Classes, workshops, and events letsmove@gmail.com 250.372.9642 www.letsmovestudio.com

Home-Based Sales Businesses Discovery Toys, Alison Gregory Discovery Toys Educational Consultant 250.851.2270 aligregory@telus.net discoverytoyslink.com/aligregory Teach. Play. Inspire.

Ladybugz Slings n’ Things Baby products you’ll get attached to! NEW soft and sustainable bamboo ring slings. Custom orders welcome! Shannon, 250.319.4437 LadybugzSlings.com

Moms Helping Moms – work from home

Milk & Honey Photography

Marketing Executive Masami Oi Perfect opportunity for moms and others

Lisa DiGeso milkandhoney@mail.com www.milkandhoneyphotography.ca

Sleepsacks by McSew

Schmidt Faced Artistry

100% cotton flannelette Readymade or custom ordered, made in Kamloops by me! Jane at McKnit@hotmail.com 250.828.2309

Painting what you want on your walls Custom art, portraits and pet portraits www.schmidtfacedartistry.com Carly 250.299.2202

Parties and Events

Troi Crombie

lookaround.ca choiceofwellness@gmail.com

Wild About Party Packs! All you need to get your party started! Party packs for Birthday, Baby, and Bridal wildaboutpartypacks@hotmail.com www.wildaboutpartypacks.com

Prenatal and Postpartum Care Mighty Oak Midwifery Personal, professional, woman-centered maternity care. Now accepting new patients! 250.377.8611 www.mightyoakmidwifery.ca

Parenthood in the Making Childbirth Services Susanne Pytela, B.S.W. DONA trained birth and postpartum doula 250.572.6383 susanne.pytela@gmail.com

Tiny Blessings Prenatal Expecting? Let us teach you what to expect. Prenatal education focusing on late pregnancy, labor & delivery, breastfeeding, & newborn are. tinyblessingsprenatal.com 250-819-0510

Photography and Art

Capturing ―The Real Thing‖ Engagement|Maternity|Newborn|Family 250.819.4746 troi@troicrombie.com troicrombie.com

Twist of Fate Yarns A Momma Friendly shop for your knitting & spinning needs. Classes, drop-in knitting, & events! 778.471.5562 twistoffateyarns.com 2020– F Falcon Rd *By Falcon Lanes Bowling.

Real Estate and Investments Ron and Sue Armstrong Primerica Representatives Helping families become financially independent with our complimentary services 250.314.1712 rarmstrong@primerica.com

Ken Featherstone, Realtor Bringing Families Home Royal LePage Westwin Realty Personal Real Estate Corp. 250.374.1461 kenfeatherstone@royallepage.ca

Kim Livingston, Mortgage Specialist You take care of the kids, let me take care of your mortgage. The Mortgage Group 250.571.2480 kamloopsmortgagegroup.com

The Art We Are Artisan Market Local art, comfy couches, unique, delicious and (mostly) healthy food! 201-322 Victoria St. 250.828.7998 theartweare@gmail.com

Hope-full Universe HeARTful Expressions for the playroom and for life! Hope Mikal, Artist 250.682.2936 hopefull.universe@gmail.com Come find us on facebook!

Kamloops Momma

Advertise Here! www.kamloopsmomma.com

Held in the Wings of Angels Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support

By Julie Letkeman

regnancy is supposed to be a wonderful time full of about it, or to ―get over it‖ right away, even if the loss was full term. joy and delight in the future arrival of your child, yet for nearly 1 in 4 women and their families, this Pregnancy loss, no matter what the gestation, can lead to feelings of grief, self-doubt, and anger. Even profesbeautiful and amazing journey leads to heartache, pain and grief – and in most cases, those affected are left to sionals including doctors and nurses can be insensitive to the emotional needs of the woman and her family. suffer in silence. Pregnancy and infant loss remains a taboo These feelings should not be dismissed. The emotions are real; their hearts are broken topic in society today, yet the statistics state “Pregnancy and and they need time to heal. Many women still that it is an all too common occurrence. Resadness about their loss years later, search estimates that between 15-25% of infant loss remains express recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage, some even after having subsequent children. Women and families suffering from loss or loss before 20 weeks gestation.¹ Even a taboo topic in more shocking is that in the US, statistics need to work through their pain and grief in society today, yet order to deal with and accept their loss. show that stillbirth (loss after 20 weeks gestation) accounts for 1 in every 200 births.² So the statistics state Some will need only a few days to grieve, others will need longer and the inclusion of why are we still not talking about this? that it is an all too support groups or professional counselling. When you become pregnant, in most casBut, most importantly, they need for family, es you want to shout your good news to the common world! You can‘t wait to tell friends and famifriends, society to accept and acknowledge occurrence. their grief and to provide a listening ear and ly! Yet we are told by societal standards that you should not ‗announce your pregnancy‘ a shoulder to cry on. It‘s as simple as that. After having two miscarriages myself and until after the first trimester is over. But why is this? finding little resources available to grieving parents in Yes, it is acknowledged that most pregnancies that are Kamloops, I decided to turn my grief into something posigoing to end will end within the first 13 weeks, most com- tive for others. I have partnered with the Pregnancy Cenmonly due to chromosomal anomalies; but why would we tre of Kamloops to start a peer driven support group so want a family to suffer in silence if they lose their child in that bereaved parents have a place to share their stories and draw support from others who understand what they this timeframe? Why are they encouraged not to speak are experiencing. Meetings will take place the 3rd Monday of each month at the Pregnancy Care Centre from 7-8:30pm and will provide a casual atmosphere where parents can come and interact with others who share similar experiences. (Please note that the December meeting will be held on Dec. 13, 2010 due to the holiday season). With more awareness of pregnancy and infant loss comes further research into why there are so many negative pregnancy outcomes. As they say, 30 years ago, no one talked about cancer – now millions of dollars are being allocated to research into its cure. Maybe we can help save the lives of some of our unborn just by speaking up. Resources: Americanpregnancy.org Medicine.net Canadianparents.com After two miscarriages, Jeff and Julie Letkeman are thrilled to have their 2 year old son, Milan.

GET CONNECTED: A guide to local parent-child groups

More Low or No Cost Activities: Big Little Science Centre 250.554.2572 City of Kamloops Pools 250.828.3655 Friday Family Fun with Literacy 250.554.3134

Home Depot Kids Workshops

What: A playgroup for caregivers of children 0-5 with an interest in topics such as cloth diapering, baby-wearing, cosleeping, and extended breastfeeding (free + food for potluck) When: 2/month - days + locations vary Contact: 250-376-4723 or AP_kamloops-owner@yahoogroups.com

What: A drop-in playgroup for caregivers and children ages 0-6.Includes circle time, crafts, and a wide selection of toys and activities (Free w/ membership/ $3) When: Mon-Fri 9-12 Where: Southwest Y: Unit E, 1420 Hugh Allan drive Contact: 250-372-7791

Family Tree Drop-in

Healthy Beginnings

What: A drop-in playgroup for high priority families to expand their social network while increasing their awareness of the importance of early childhood development. Includes circle time, crafts, and healthy snacks (free) When: Mon and Wed 9-4 Where: 283 West Victoria St. Contact: 250.377.6890

What: A community-based drop-in group for parents/caregivers and their children ages 0-6 (free) Where: Interior Indian Friendship Society 2355 Parkcrest Ave When: Tues 9:45-11:45 Thurs 10:30-12:30 Contact: 250.554.3134

Kamloops Connexions

Parent-Child Mother Goose

What: A drop-in coffee group for moms looking for a little mommy time (childcare provided for a small fee) When: Fri 9:30-11:30 Where: Southwest Community Church 700 Hugh Allen Dr. Contact: 250.828.1114 connexions@hotmail.com

What: A group for parents, babies, and/ or young children that focuses on the pleasure and power of rhymes, songs, and stories (free, registration required) Where: Various locations When: Various times, programs starting January Contact: 250.554.3134

StrongStart Programs What: Drop-in centres for families with children ages 0-5. It`s a place to play and learn with your child in a warm, supportive, caring environment (free) Bumblebees: Arthur Hatton Elem. 315 Chestnut Ave. 250.376.7217 Mon-Fri, 8:30-11:30 Dragon Flies: Marion Schilling Elem. 2200 Park Dr. 250.376.2027 Mon-Fri, 8:30-11:30 Eagles’ Nest: South Sahali Elem. 1585 Summit Dr. 250.374.2451 Mon-Fri, 8:30-11:30

250.371.4300

Kamloops Children’s Museum 250.828.3576

The Knack at Michaels’ Craft Store 250.571.1066

Library Storytime Downtown:

250.372.5145/ N. Shore: 250.554.1124

Nobody’s Perfect Parenting Program 250.372.7791

Preschool Skate 250.828.3387 Storytime at Chapters 250.377.8468

Kamloops Wiggles and Giggles Adoption Playgroup What: A drop-in group for parents who have adopted or are considering adoption. All ages (free) When/where: Monthly, times and locations vary Contact: Deanna Jones, jones_A@telus.net

Next Steps What: A drop-in group for parents of children up to 5 facilitated by a public health nurse (free) When: Fridays, 1-2:20 Where: Kamloops Public Health Unit, 519 Columbia St. Contact: 250-851-7300

Photo: Troi Crombie

YMCA Child Interactive Centre

Leta and Mackenzie, 2

Attachment Parenting

Breaking the Secret Codes of Misbehaviour Part One By Marilyn Puff

Finnlay, 2, and brother Luca, 4 (not shown) „quietly playing.‟ Photo: Kylie Jordan

Declan, 3, preparing his own breakfast. Photo: Kira Wood

Kai, 1.5, caught in the act. Photo: Brandy Sonnenberg

t‘s true!! Misbehaviours are a complex and confusing part of raising children. WHY do they misbehave and WHAT DOES IT MEAN??? Most of the upsetting behaviors we see in our children can be reframed and understood when we are more aware of the hardwired instinct in them, their deep need to know they are important to us, that they belong to us and that they are understood and accepted by us. There is always a need behind the behavior. When you are facing a crayon Picasso piece on your newly painted dining room wall or an uncooperative 10 year old when you are tired and hungry, the biggest challenge is parenting ourselves. To manage our own emotions and reactions so that we can preserve our connection and discover the attachment needs of our relationship is one of the keys to breaking that secret code and finding out what is really going on. WHAT IS ATTACHMENT Attachment is defined as a pursuit of closeness. It is an action, a verb; it is the behaviors that bring us together and reassure each of us that we are loved and dear to someone, regardless of the mistakes and trouble we get into. The feeling of how connected we are to others comes and goes, and is the part of relationship that needs to be constantly considered, especially with our children. Our foundation of relationship develops as a child grows in their ability to ―hold onto you‖ in six different ways. SIX ROOTS OF ATTACHMENT Dr. Gordon Neufeld, a Vancouver psychologist and researcher for 30 years, views attachment needs as the six roots that feed our souls and our relationships to each other. As our attachment to anyone grows deeper, we become more vulnerable to hurt or loss of that closeness. When a child is acting out, they are not feeling connected, settled or secure and are vulnerable to experiencing the loss of what they need the most, which is knowing that their relationship can withstand any storm. When you are looking for the need behind the behavior is it helpful to first rule out hunger, tiredness and frustration before you look deeper for any unmet attachment hunger. Here is a short description of how the first 5 to 6 years of life are the building blocks of how we develop our trust and closeness to each other. Throughout life we continue to have these same needs and we build and rebuild relationships by nourishing each other in these ways. YEAR ONE - SENSES It is common knowledge that touch, taste, smell, sight and sound nourish us in our first year of life. We survive when our need for love is filled through the SENSES. At early stages we need to be in sight of a child. We also know that ―food is love.‖ It is an important way to connect and like love misused, it can also be withheld, used in a coercive way or even forced. Appealing to a child‘s senses is a way to reduce misbehaviours. Separation at bedtime or anytime, for example, can be difficult for children and cause them to act out. You might want to give them something to hold onto with your scent on it or a picture of your family and lots of stories to reassure them you are with them. At night you can tell them you come in to check on them, you dream about them and are always close to them. Older children, who do not want to be hugged, might respond to you sitting close, ruffling their hair or rubbing their backs until they become more comfortable with closer contact. YEAR TWO - SAMENESS By now children have their sea legs and are following you everywhere. Attaching via SAMENESS means they want to be like you, do what you do, put on your makeup and paint the walls with crayons! As adults, part of our feeling of being similar is through those activities we do together or the values and dreams we have in common. With a distanced teen, the times you spend painting fingernails and playing sports or

and vulnerable is our greatest asset to growing into deeply games are rich ways to ―feed the need‖ for sameness. connected relationships. When children hear stories or comments about how they YEAR SIX – BEING KNOWN have similar skills, traits or features to someone in the family, You can tell when a child is feeling the safest that they posthey enjoy this form of connection even if they may not show sibly can when they share their secrets with you. This is probit. When children are overly invested in their peer relationships, they want to be like their peers and not like you. This is ably true for any of us. When we are truly known by someone, they know what we like and who we are. a good indication that there is work to be done They also love us regardless of our flaws and misto bring them back into your family until they takes. This is the rarest of intimacies and the richcan handle friendships and still be attached to “Every child est. Dr. Neufeld states, ―There is no closeness that you. It is worth dealing with their initial upset at restricting peer access to get to their true comdeserves to have can surpass the sense of feeling known and still being liked, accepted, welcomed, and invited to fort from being reconnected to their most imsomeone‟s eyes exist.‖ portant ally, their parents and caregivers. YEAR THREE – BELONGING AND LOYALTY light up when they As we fill our toolbox with ways to preserve and pursue the connection in our relationships with By the third year, a child knows they BEwalk into the our children, our understanding of their challengLONG to you and everything has been ―MINE‖ es is bound to blossom. When we are gentle with for awhile. It is important to give them the experoom.” parenting ourselves and others, our heartfelt conrience that things they love the most are atnections will be worth the effort. tached to them. They, like you, might be able to share a few things but, like well attached adults, Recommended Reading: Hold onto your they have clear rules about how much they want to share their Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More prized possessions. than Peers, Gordon Neufeld, M.D. and GaWhen our children are in a difficult situation and need our bor Mate, M.D. loyalty, find out if they have caused the problem and address Marilyn Puff (BSW) and her husband have a it while letting them know that the relationship is still intact. Saying things like, ‗we will get through this‘ and letting them blended family of 5 children and 5 grandchildren. She has a passion for understandknow that you will always be on their team (as the coach!) ing human relationships and has been a confirms your LOYALTY and that you belong on the same family counselor in Kamloops for 20 years. side. Seriously distanced children look to peers to get these first three attachment needs met in some form. They tend to constantly need to be together, dress the same, and believe they belong to their group of friends, yet they experience either inconsistent or extreme loyalty. It is not common in these situations for them to participate in any of the even more vulnerable attachment needs of feeling important, loved and understood. YEAR FOUR – SIGNIFICANCE The forth way of pursuing closeness and connection is to seek SIGNIFICANCE or feel that we matter to someone. It is human nature to hold close what we value. An attaching preschooler is very interested in pleasing others and winning their approval and is very sensitive to the looks of displeasure or being disapproved of. They want people to be happy and then they know that people are happy with them. A coworker said ―Every child deserves to have someone‘s eyes light up when they walk into the room.‖ This gift to anyone is a true relationship builder and something that is easy to forget as children get older and the wet towels are left on the floor and the chores are not done. An easy way to tell them how important they are is to tell tender stories of them when they were little or how happy we are with them. YEAR FIVE – LOVE As a child gets older they are capable of integrating more ways in which to hold a parent close to their heart while they are physically separated. At this stage they draw hearts on everything and want to marry those they are closest to. LOVE or warm emotional feelings are only safe to experience if the family environment values vulnerability and if their tenderness is not jeopardized by sarcasm or dismissive experiences. Attaching via the heart means we are at risk of getting our hearts broken and the importance of keeping our hearts open

Dear Aunty…

Answering questions about you and your DEAR AUNTY: Last week my 14-year old daughter's school sent home consent forms for the HPV vaccine. I'm not even sure I understand what HPV is. Other mothers tell me that the vaccine is still really new and that no long term testing has been done yet. They don't want their daughters vaccinated because they're not sure what the long term consequences will be. I certainly don't want my daughter to be a pharmaceutical company's guinea pig, but on the other hand I've heard something about cancer prevention. Should she get the vaccine? Why were these forms sent home only with girls? If I don't give my consent but she decides she wants to be vaccinated anyway, can she be? I'm also unclear if this is something MSP is paying for, or if we have to pay for out-of-pocket. Tina.

body, helping develop resistance to the strains of the virus. If the vaccinated individual comes in contact with the virus later in life, their body will have the ability to fight off the virus and is less likely to develop cervical cancer (if vaccinated by Gardasil or Cervarix) or genital warts (only if vaccinated by Gardasil). Most reported side effects of the vaccines have been quite mild, with the most common complaint being soreness at the injection site. Fever, nausea, dizziness, vomiting, and headaches were also reported at a rate that is consistent with other vaccines. No serious reactions have been linked to the vaccine. Why aren't boys part of the vaccination program? While it's mostly women who develop genital cancers from HPV 16 and 18, these viruses have also been linked to penile, anal, and oral cancers. It's worth pointing out that most women infected with HPV contracted the virus from a male partner. While boys are not currently part of the province's HPV vaccination program, the Public Health Agency of Canada is considering expanding coverage to boys. Gardasil is approved for use in males (aged 9-26), who can receive the vaccine at their doctor's office, on request. Does MSP pay for the HPV vaccine? Gardasil is currently offered at no cost to girls entering Grades 6 and 9 in British Columbia. Girls who miss getting their vaccine at school can contact the health unit to make an appointment for the shot. If I don't fall into one of the categories that MSP covers, can I buy it privately? HPV vaccines are available by prescription from a physician and can costs around $500 for the three doses. Many Options for Sexual Health clinics offer the vaccine for $135 per shot for a total of $405 for all three required shots. The 1-800 SEX-SENSE Line can provide information on which Opt clinics that carry Gardasil at this time. Many private health plans offer full or partial coverage of the vaccine costs. Can an eligible girl get the vaccine even if her parents don't consent? An eligible girl could receive the vaccine even if her parents don‘t consent, as long as the health care provider is satisfied that she understands the nature and consequences of the vaccine. This medical consent process falls under the "Infants Act", which applies to anyone under 19 years of age. Is my daughter being used as a guinea pig? No. Vaccines are licensed for use in Canada only if they meet very strict standards for safety and effectiveness. The HPV vaccine has been scientifically studied in thousands of women in North America, Europe, Latin America, and the Asia Pacific Region. Across Canada there is a reporting network to Health Canada that keeps track of side effects from both vaccines and medications. Health Canada investigates any possible problems. Since 2006, Gardasil™ has been licensed/ approved in 112 countries and more than 45 million doses have been distributed worldwide in over 77 countries. "Aunty" Erin Mitchell is a proud nurse, momma, and owner/ operator of Aunty's House Registered Family Daycare in Kamloops. She is currently working on a degree in child and adolescent psychology through TRU.

Dear Tina: HPV, or Human Papillomavirus, is the most common sexually transmitted viral infection in the world today with up to 75% of all sexually active people getting HPV at some point in their lives. Usually, the body's defenses are able to fight and clear the infection up on its own, meaning that many people never even realize they've been exposed to HPV because they had no major signs or symptoms. However, there are dozens and dozens of "types" of HPV and, while we can fight off some, others end up causing cancer of the cervix, vagina, vulva, penis, anus, mouth or throat. There are also types of HPV that cause painful genital, anal or throat warts. Human Papillomavirus is spread by direct skin-to-skin contact--including sexual contact--which is why there is a push to vaccinate girls before they become sexually active. I brought your questions directly to the experts at Options for Sexual Health, Canada's largest non-profit provider of sexual health services. They won't tell you what to do but hopefully you will find enough information to help you and your daughter make an informed choice. Here is what Kristen Gilbert, OPT's Lower Mainland Education Consultant, and Nicole Pasquino, OPT's Director of Clinical Services have to say: What is the HPV vaccine? There are two types of HPV vaccines currently available in Canada: Gardasil (made by Merck), and Cervarix (made by GlaxoSmithKline). Both vaccines offer some protection against certain strains of the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). Gardasil has been available in Canada since 2006 and helps protect against four strains of HPV, two of which cause most cases of cervical cancer (HPV 16 and 18), and two strains that can cause genital warts (HPV 6 and 11). Cervarix was approved for use in Canada this February and offers protection from HPV 16 and 18. Do you have a question for “Aunty” Erin? Please contact her Both vaccines are administered in 3 doses, spaced over six at cdnnurse1995@yahoo.ca. months. HPV vaccines generate an immune response in the

Be Magnificent

Red Rain

I look at you, my beautiful child, Full of perfect potential and endless possibilities, And wonder what the future holds. I‟ll do my best not to steer you In directions I wish I had taken, I will listen, And let you find your way.

Every seasoned morning, regardless what the weather man proclaims the future cast to be on yester night‟s six o‟clock bulletin, my grandmother‟s paint chipped deck is bombarded with red, red rain.

By Coreena McBurnie

Here we are, you with me and me with you. This is my advice On your first day of life, of school, of work, of living on your own. It can be summed up in two words: Be Magnificent. Simple words that hold so much. Do you hear the power in these words? Do you understand what they mean? Look for the love, grace, and forgiveness in yourself and in others. Live life with passion. Follow your dreams. Go on the adventure. Garden with your jewellery on, Try, fail gloriously, try again, or not… Follow your heart and Be Magnificent.

By Hope Mikal

It isn‟t a prominent annihilation during the dead sleeping hours, oh no. Rather a silent trickle, slowly growing like rapid vines no one notes until they‟ve overgrown and wrapped up lawn chair legs and the creaky leaning ledges. Too bitter for Adam, not yet luring enough to his bride; The mountain ashes lay this way And That. I have to watch where I step outside.

There it is. Choose your path and live love eat serve play learn create fly Magnificently.

Do you have something to share? Whether it’s a poem, a story, an anecdote, a photo, or even a recipe, we want to hear from you! 778.472.0020 info@kamloopsmomma.com www.kamloopsmomma.com Facebook.com/ kamloopsmommamagazine 19

How to Live Well Within Your Means By Ron and Sue Armstrong

What a powerful statement but true; families are spending on an average 140% of their income. We‘ve sat in many homes working with families showing them that just by restructuring their FINANCES and getting the BEST FOR YOU with what your presently have going on is so POW“You work ERFUL! hard for YOUR It's the SIMPLE LESSONS of learning with terms MONEY so that YOU can understand. YOU work hard for YOUR MONEY so YOU need to KEEP as much in your you need to pocket as possible and we EDUCATE FAMILIES so keep as much that they can have a chance to do so. We TEACH YOU simple concepts that are unheard of by the in your pocket MIDDLE INCOME. as possible…” The RULE OF 72,the BENEFITS of a TRUE RESP vs. a SCHOLARSHIP plan, the benefits of Term Insurance and how affordable it is for all your needs, and THE POWER OF INVESTING AT A YOUNG AGE can change your retirement. 80% of Canadians go into retirement still having to work. WHY IS THAT? All it takes is a second look to see if we can help YOU keep more in your POCKET!

We‘re helping families to become DEBT FREE and FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.

IVING WELL WITH IN YOUR MEANS may EQUAL STAYING HOME TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN!

Ron and Sue Armstrong and daughters, Ashley, 25, and Jen, 20 Photo: Troi Crombie We believe that the middle class is being abandoned and at Primerica, we are proud to educate families and connect them on a level that they understand! We are a family committed to helping others and our services are complimentary. Please check us out at wikipedia.org/wiki/Primerica or contact us at 250.314.1712 or rarmstrong@primerica.com.

Giving Children a Chance to Grow Their Own Spirituality By Wendy McNiven

ur children‘s lives are touched by spiritual wonderings, religious questions, and mystical experiences of their own. Think back to your own childhood and you will probably recall such times of questioning and wonder. Kids ask things like: "How did the world begin? How did I begin? How did life begin? Why do people die? Does God see what I do? Do you ever pray? What is right and wrong? Is there a hell? How should I behave? What happens after we die?" “It is possible to allow These are questions born of wisdom. Children have a lot of and even encourage wisdom. Many parents want their them to question what children to be equipped to they are taught so that choose their own spiritual they can come to their paths when they are grow up, not impose a path on them beown understanding of fore time. The question is – how truth.” will they know what to choose? Will they just figure it out when they‘re older? For some parents, the choice not to participate in a faith community has to do with needing their weekend free time to be really free. For some other parents, the decision is more about making sure the children‘s minds are not unduly influenced by one religion so that they can choose more freely when they are older. But there is a flaw in this reasoning. Whether or not we are aware of it, our children are being religiously influenced almost daily. It can and often does happen that their ideas on religious subjects are formed in conversation with other children on the playground. It can be that they are affected by other adults they meet or television programs they watch or things they hear on the street. Our children will certainly be touched by other people‘s life stories and religious leanings. Those are influences over which parents have very little control. If they‘re lucky, people they meet will inspire them to expand their own sense of wonder and curiosity about the world. If they‘re lucky, people they meet will inspire in them a respect for the numinous, for the place of ritual in their lives, and a respect for the sanctity of sacred space, places which are hospitable to mystical experiences. If they‘re lucky, people they meet will give them the courage to pursue their own spiritual exploration

and to look for their own truths about ultimate reality. But they‘re not always lucky. Spiritual exploration within a faith community can, at its best, give them an environment that replaces ―luck‖ with encouragement and loving support in developing their own spirituality. As adults, it is our job to make sure our children have the tools to keep tapping into their own inner wisdom, as well as being able to learn from others and from their life experiences so they can keep on becoming the best people they can be. Children will ultimately make their own choices – as we all have done -- when they are old enough. I think it is possible and desirable to teach children something about religion and spirituality within a faith community and still leave them room to choose the path that suits them best when they‘re older. It is possible to help them find a way to their God or Grace or Inner Peace and also to respect other people‘s paths. It is possible to allow and even encourage them to question what they are taught so that they can come to their own understanding of truth. Although the dominant culture in BC acts as if religion and spirituality are minimally important, children are still very spiritual beings. So – consider this to be an invitation to find some support and guidance for their spiritual lives in a religious community of your choice. If we want our children to have a good chance of growing their own spirituality, we must be attentive to providing them with the best tools and environment we can for that growing. Rev. Wendy McNiven works with the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Kamloops. www.uukam.bc.ca

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Community Events Calendar

Dec 1 (Cont): Rhyme Time for Babies and Toddlers North Kamloops Library: Mon 10:15 - 10:45, Kamloops Library: Mon 10:15 Wed 10:15 Dec 1 – Dec 24: Christmas at the Gallery Kamloops Art Gallery, 250.377.2400 Dec 2 – Dec 16: Afterschool Club Drop-In, 8-12 yrs. Thurs 3-4 North Kamloops Library 250.554.1124

Dec 13/Jan 17: Held in the Wings of Angels, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group. Dec 9: 36th Annual Christmas Light Tour, Interior Sav- 7-8:30pm, Pregnancy Care Centre. ings Centre 250.828.3500 Dec 13: Sheree Plett ChristDec 9: A Choral Rhapsody mas Concert 7-10pm Sagebrush Theatre, Knutsford Community Hall 250.828.3611 Dec 6: Shrine Fantasy Show Dec 16: Children’s ChristKamloops Convention Centre, mas Party 9-11am,CCRR/ $15, Family $40 1.800.268.7371 Southwest Y reg. req‘d. 250.372.7791(free) Dec 8/Jan 12: Moms MornDec 18: The Louisiana ing Out 9:30-11:30, Mighty Oak Midwifery, 202-322 Victo- Hayride Christmas Theme Show 7:30pm, Sagebrush Theria Street, 250.377.8611 atre, 250.374.LIVE Dec 9/Jan 23: Kamloops Dec 18-19: Sun Peaks ChristAdoption Support Group 7mas Market 11-7pm, Delta 8:30pm contact Monica, Sun Peaks, 250.578.5542 250.579.8950 Dec 18-21: Spirit of ChristDec 10-Jan2: Wildlights BC mas Train 4:30pm (4:30 and Wildlife Park 250.573.3242 7pm Dec 19/20) #6-510 Lorne Dec 11: Muse A-Fair art, na- Street 250.374.2141 Choir, 6:30pm, Calvary Community Church

Dec 2: BIG Little Science Centre Thurs/Fri 3-5 pm, Sat 10-4. 250.554.2572 Dec 3 (Cont): Family DropIn Storytime North Kamloops Library: Fri 10:15 -10:45, Kam- ture crafts, storytelling, show Dec 18: Kamloops Wiggles loops Library: Sun 1:00 -1:30 & sale, St. Andrews on the and Giggles Adoption PlayDec 4 (Cont): Chapters Craft Square 10-4 250.376.8353 group. 10-12pm TCC Pool and Storytime Saturdays 11- Dec 11/Jan 8: Home Depot Deanna, jones_a@telus.net 12pm 250.377.8468 (free) Kids Workshop 10am, ages 4 Dec 20: Symphony of Snow -12 Home Depot 250.371.4300 Holiday Concert 7pm, Delta Dec 4: Natural Baby Care Fair 1-4pm, Sahali Fellowship (free) Sun Peaks, 250.578.5542 Dec 12: Breakfast with Santa Dec 21: Skating with Santa 6Dec 4-5: The Knack Free Ora Restaurant, proceeds to 8pm, Sun Peaks Ice Skating Family Events Christmas RIH, 250.372.5312 crafting, various times, Rink, 250.578.5542 Michaels Craft Store, Dec 12/Jan 9: Family Night, Dec 20: Symphony of Snow 250.571.1066 (free) Dinner and movie, 4:30Holiday Concert 7pm, Delta Dec 7: Beautiful December 7:30pm, The Salvation Army, Sun Peaks, 250.578.5542 with the Kamloops Thompson reservations. req‘d. Dec 22/23: Kelowna Ballet Honour Choir and Children‘s 250.554.1611 Presents The Nutcracker

Wed -7:30, Thurs - 2:30, Sagebrush Theatre, 250.374.5483 Dec 23: Horse Drawn Sleigh Rides with Santa 4/5/6pm, Sun Peaks 250.578.5542 Dec 24: Pancake Breakfast with Santa 8/9am, Masa‘s Bar and Grill @ Sun Peaks 250.578.5542 Dec 29: Love to Lizzie Family ‘Fun’ draiser featuring meet and greet with Dora the Explorer, for tickets: kamloopsevents.ca 250.299.2456 Jan 5: The Wizard of Oz 7:30, Interior Savings Centre, 250.374.9200 Jan 5-9: Sun Peaks Family Cup A celebration of family and snow sports 250.578.5542 Jan 22: Kamloops Wiggles and Giggles Adoption Playgroup. 10-12pm, Sledding, skating, and hot cocoa, Pineview Valley Park Deanna, jones_a@telus.net Jan 26-31: International Children’s Winter Games, Kelowna, info@kelowna2011.com Jan 29: ABC Family Literacy Day 10-1pm, Storytellers, musicians, puppet shows, crafts, Henry Grube Centre (free)