Two Women - miceLLe

TWO WOMEN miceLLe

Being overwhelmed by the sadness of loss is easy. Those thoughts of those whom we miss and will never see again, will never share with again, will fill us with a void so empty we cannot muster enough to erase the darkness. Rather, it is easier to recall and celebrate the beauty we took for granted, the happiness we shared, the comfort of the relationship, the years of memories that ought not be deleted.

An apartment I had in New York was up eighty-four steps one way. My cousin Debra lived in Brooklyn on the fourth floor of a walk up, steps to climb. She would come to visit me. To do that she had to take the train, sometimes the train that stopped in the sub-basement of Bloomingdales would be switched to the express track which stopped at a sub sub-basement which means two hundred twenty stairs more to climb. Debbie was the gentlest, softest and kindest of people. When you looked into her eyes her kindness would soothe as much as hug, her heart was always filled with love. She died on April seventh this year after living several years in a nursing home after quadruple bypass surgery, diabetes and no longer being able to walk. She died of covid-19.

Her mother, my Aunt Terri on the other hand, the toughest and gruffest of dames you would ever encounter. Her vocabulary was mostly X-rated expressed with a robust bellow to let you know the words were truly meant. She was a single mom to Debbie working as a waitress. She was a creature of the 'reverse psychology' school. Even though she adored Debbie she indulged in insulting her most days. Aunt Terri was a woman to be respected, she was always poor, could not repair her twenty-year-old car, could barely pay her rent even though it was rent controlled and the same place she lived in when her husband was still there more than seventy years ago. She loved to laugh. Aunt Terri fell last year, was moved from the hospital to a nursing home, a different one than where her daughter Debra was. Aunt Terri died April eleven this year from COVID-19.

While there is the sadness and mourning for my personal loss I have the happiest of memories of two women so very different and both so close to my heart. Both women had positive impacts on my life and I am celebrating who they were and not crying for my loss.