After Us

Some said the world would end in fire, some said in ice. But no one told me it would be like this. I leaned my back on the century-old oak tree as I heaved what seemed to be my hundredth sigh for tonight. Embracing the whispers of the growing winter seeping through my ebony skin, I closed my eyes. That’s when I realized how the leaves hummed in perfect harmony with the wind, putting even the greatest musicians to shame. “I am still too sober for this,” I mumbled, the quiet intently listening. “Seems like time ran faster than I did.”

“We should have stayed in my chamber. I knew it!” he whispered in between gritted teeth and heavy breaths. I could not help but laugh at his regretful remark—it was as if he cursed all the stars in the sky for letting our paths cross. Well, we are fourteen years too late for that, I must say. Still panting, I tried to get a glimpse of his face hidden beneath the faded cloak. His raven hair was sticking with sweat and his lips were now pale from all the running. “Just make haste, Crown Prince,” I mockingly uttered. “Aren’t you the fastest runner in the castle?”

Unlike all the other days where we would spend our time listening to Lady Julie’s dragging lectures on table etiquette or Lord Gael’s clumsy self-defense demonstrations, today, we decided to break through the knights’ rigid stance on the castle’s gate. It was fun, and the plan was perfect. Not until I tripped and caught the attention of the First Knight. “Cut that foot of yours the moment we return! It only has one job and it even managed…” he jumped over the line of goats parading across the country lane. “… to flawlessly fail!” With brows furrowed, I asked, “You think I wanted it to happen?!” I mirrored his movement and looked back to see if the knights are still running after us. I cursed when I saw them getting closer. “Neo! Run faster!” I screamed. The clanking of their armor became louder as they extended their arms in an attempt to seize us. My heart was beating wildly against my chest and I could hear the pounding of blood in my ears. I would have loved to indulge in the feeling when Neo suddenly pulled me into a corner. His grip was too tight and sudden that my body became parallel to the ground as we took the abrupt turn. As soon as we huddled on a veiled spot, I glanced at my feet and saw that my left shoe was torn. I grunted. The list of things I have to explain to my grandmother when we return just grew an inch longer! With that thought in mind, I opened my mouth to complain but Neo absentmindedly covered it and pulled me closer. “Shhh…” he whispered in my ear. He was seriously peeking on what seemed like a tiny hole above my head. Weird enough, I felt a tickling sensation on my chest and it gave me the urge to giggle. “Are they still there?” I asked after a while, my voice muffled against his milky hands. He knitted his eyebrows—probably wondering why I sounded like that—and bowed his head down to look at me. However, I guess it must have been the wrong idea. Our eyes locked, and only until then that I realized how mesmerizing his brown orbs were. It wasn’t hypnotizing, it didn’t pull me in—instead, it made me want to linger. I was too young back then, if only I understood.

I was too young back then, if only I understood. “You are too much of a loner to be a Healer, are you aware of that?” A familiar voice echoed through the vast emptiness in front of me and I didn’t even need to open my eyes to know who it was. For years, that voice resonated in my head like a broken record. I was stuck in a loop I didn’t even know existed. “What are you doing here?” I quietly asked him, my gaze searching for the stars. They all gleamed their brightest, adorning the midnight sky like blinding diamonds stretched across the looming darkness. For a moment, I almost thought it was unreal. I wished everything was just unreal. Unwillingly, I tore my gaze from the sky and basked on the features of the man beside me. He was just looking straight ahead, almost void of life, but I knew better. His lips were tightly pursed, his jaw clenched, and his eyes piercing—he was never emotionless. “Happy birthday, Trey.” he breathed the words like it would be his last. “Happy birthday, Trey!” his unusually high-pitched voice bounced against the walls of the castle as soon as I opened the door of my own chamber. He was wearing his custom-made silk nightwear and that bright smile that I promised to always protect. Behind him was nothing but pitch black, but his face was illuminated by the burning candle on top of what seemed to be a cake—I guess. Neo rolled his eyes when he saw me grinning while staring at what he was holding, “It doesn’t look appealing but it’s edible!” he defended. I burst into a fit of laughter. “Does it taste good then?” “I told you it is edible!” he shot back, emphasizing the last word. I just shook my head in amusement. “Fine, fine. Come closer, let me make a wish.” He nodded eagerly and inched a little too much that I had to take a step backward. The candle was too close, I didn’t want to get burned. “Two years from now, you will be journeying to the north to earn the title of a Healer, and father will give me the throne,” he blurted out while standing on my doorway. I looked at him in confusion, not really getting his point. “And what are you trying to imply?”

“We only have two years left.” Maybe I was too young back then, but still, I never really understood. “Cassiel told me that you already packed your bags,” he mumbled. His eyes now glassy, his lips trembling. I said nothing and the wind grew stronger in my silence. Truth is, I am afraid. I fear the day that I would have to leave because I know that I would be leaving half of myself behind. Growing up, we both felt like clay—we can be separated and molded into a thousand different things, but we will always be part of each other. Neo had always been my safe space, an escape from the suffocating eyes of the people who are only waiting for our downfall. And somewhere along the way, I found myself caring a lot more than I should. “What happened?” I immediately asked after I banged the door of the castle’s infirmary. The old healer flinched with my sudden appearance and I heard her mutter the spell

Good thing Neo didn’t become a beetroot at that exact moment. It would be pretty hilarious, but that was the least of my concerns. With my shaking knees, I ran closer to his bed. I can still feel my heart beating incessantly after Cassiel went to my chamber informing me that the Crown Prince was involved in an accident. For a fleeting second, nothing else mattered but him and his safety. Yet when our eyes met, Neo just shrugged and gave me a smug face.“Well, reaching the stars doesn’t sound so bad, right?” he laughed and winked at me. “He fell from the oak tree,” Cassiel whispered. From a distance, the faint light coming from the townspeople’s kerosene lamps slowly vanished. One by one, the colors of the night faded, and when the remaining luster of the Capital Hall succumbed into oblivion, I knew it was time. I straightened my back and was about to stand when I felt him holding me in place. “Don’t leave.” His voice was hoarse, laced with desperation. I dare not to look unto his eyes because I might be brave enough to stay and let go of everything. The quest for being a royal healer is a tradition that is honored by our kin for centuries. We take pride in being the only pure-blooded healers of the south, and as the last descendant of our kind, I could never break my family’s lineage for the Crown Prince. “I never asked you for anything, Trey. Just this once,” he pleaded. I permitted myself to look at him for a few seconds, trying to memorize each and every detail of his face—the bulging vein on his forehead, the tiny mole on his nose, and the healing scar beside his eyes. The world is dawning behind us but he remains as ethereal as the midnight sun.

“Can you fight for me if I stay?” I asked him, smiling sadly as I searched for answers in his eyes. I would have preferred to see none, but I knew there is, and it was the exact reason why I have to leave. Neo’s tears continuously fell as they glimmered under the moonlight. He closed his eyes as my hand embraced his face to wipe the tears away. “Wherever I go, remember that you will always be with me,” I told him, almost inaudible. “I love you.” Right then and there, I wished our paths never crossed at all. “Do you think stars really grant wishes?” he asked me one night while we were sitting on his chamber’s balcony. He was leaning against the railings while I propped my arms behind me, the summer air grazing our skin. It was a serene night in the midst of June. “No,” I quietly answered before I glanced at him. “Because if they do, then the world would not close their eyes when I kiss you.” No matter how we both loved the stars, they never really aligned for us. I have always loved the Crown Prince, but a love like ours is forbidden in history books. He has an empire to rule, and it cannot have two kings. I am set to be the Royal Healer, to take care and protect the King’s family—I am not meant to be his family. In between silent eye contact and loud, playful banters over the years, we both felt the weight on our shoulders. Our love is not just for the two of us—it had never been just the two of us. He cried on my shoulders, solemnly uttering his apologies like a prayer.

“Don’t be sorry,” I smiled. “Just promise me one thing,” “Anything,” I shuddered with the defeat in his voice. I vowed to protect his happiness, but even if I mean it, I knew that it was just an empty promise. This was bound to happen—our fate was written on the stars.

I took one last deep breath and leaned my forehead against his, my thumb still caressing the hollow of his cheeks. “Remember me when nightfall comes,” I told him, hopeful. “But forget me before the daybreak.” All my life, I’ve been chasing after the beginning, in fear that dusk is always just minutes away. But today, the past was running after me—after us. And we cannot escape anymore.