This book is dedicated to my three “Karens”: Caren Helen Rudman, Karen M. Gutfreund, and Karen Mackay, and to every person out there that has taken time out of their busy schedules to lend a hand and support someone with their dreams!
Copyright 2021 by Kelly Mathews. The book author/artist retains sole copyright to their contributions to this book. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means without prior permission in writing.
Catalog designed and edited by Karen Gutfreund, www.KarenGutfreund.com, @karengutfreundart
ThisprojectispartiallysupportedbyanIndividualArtistsProgramGrantfrom theCityofChicagoDepartmentofCulturalAffairs&SpecialEvents,aswellasa grantfromtheIllinoisArtsCouncilAgency,astateagencythroughfederalfunds providedbytheNationalEndowmentfortheArts.
Being Bipolar in a Polarized World
BeingBipolarinaPolarizedWorld,the series created by Chicago artist Kelly Mathews, exemplifies how the personal is political within the context of art. Having been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder after years of destructive behavior, Mathews understands the meaning of the “edge” and often steps close to it when creating art, resulting in bold and fearless work. Her power lies in the purest form of honesty. There is no pretension or art speak. What we see is what she feels.
Mathews’ work exemplifies the tensions within society that echo her own lived experience, and her heightened reactions to the stressors ooze throughout her work. When the world shut down during the quarantine and was inundated with anxiety, she stated, “this is what I feel everyday.” The reaction to political divisions and charged discourse rage in the works, DearSupremeCourtand DearTexas,where the sharp edges of barbed wire literally seep into her skin, surrounding her body. Both the real and the symbolic wire continue to appear from the video work to the images in the TriggerWallseries, reflecting the visceral reaction to outside stimuli that cut into her psyche.
The resonating factor lies in the universality of the premise of personal struggle. “Where do we fit into the world and how do we accept that which we cannot control?” are the questions at the root of her prolific project. In the series, Trigger Wall, she highlights the forces, images, and symbols that elicit reactions to the outside world, blurring the boundaries between the external and internal. There is no separation between the world and her experience of it.
Mathews states, “Mental Illness can be tragic and heartbreaking. This exhibit is meant to celebrate those of us who see things a little different and offer you a peek into our world.”
We are living through unprecedented times with extreme civil discourse. At the same time, there is also a much needed attention to and awareness of mental health. Mathews' work illustrates how the individual and society cannot be separated. Moreover, BeingBipolarinaPolarizedWorld , enables the viewer to enter her world and thus our world. One cannot passively look at this work, instead the viewer lives it.
Caren Helene Rudman carenhelenerudman.comBEINGBIPOLARINAPOLARIZEDWORLD
How can I define what being Bipolar feels like? Can I tell when an episode is coming on? Have I developed coping mechanisms to deal with them?
These are the questions I am routinely asked by my friends when I tell them about my illness. I’ve never really been sure what to say.
You see, this is and has always been, my normal. I can’t begin to imagine what your normal is to compare it to.
This exhibit is my attempt to answer these questions in the language I know best.
Kelly Mathewshttps://arrivisteart.wordpress.com
@arrivisteart
BeingBipolarinaPolarizedWorld 2020
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer on wood 5 panels, 30 x 40 x 2 inches each
The title series for this project was done in collaboration with photographer Michael Coakes. Working with the comedy and tragedy masks as symbols of my Bipolar manifestations was important as many with this disorder are constantly wearing the mask of “normalcy” in public. The text is my description of what I feel like when I encounter one of my manic triggers. As I have little control over where or when this may happen, my gaze is challenging and defiant. In the final image, my vaporized head depicts my internal chaos.
DearTexas&DearSupremeCourt 2021
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer on wood 2 panels, 72 x 32 x 3 inches each
This Image has been obsessing me for months. My original take was on how it feels to be stigmatized as a person with mental illness. When the Texas abortion law went through it finally clicked and I knew I had to do the photo shoot. The medication I take to control by Bipolar disorder is NOT something you can be on and be pregnant. By the time I would know I was pregnant, irreparable brain damage would have occurred. Under this law I would be left with two choices, stay on my medication so that I can function and know that the child I would bear will be unfathomably disabled, or crash off my meds and deal with the consequences. I know me off my meds and I can’t stand to be in my own skin. To be off my medication and responsible for a life growing inside me seems impossible. God bless photographer Michael Coakes for putting up with my crazy ideas, reading my mind, and always delivering the “Money” shot!
Skin 2021
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer and gold leaf on wood 2 panels, 48 x 36 x 2 each
This diptych was made in tribute to the great Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I am constantly shocked and saddened at the failure to view all human life as equally valuable. I often use the image of the “flayed man” to symbolize humanity in its basest form.
BipolarDreams 2020
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer on wood 3 panels, 24 x 30 x 2 inches each
I have wild dreams. Every night. Technicolor, nonsensical, I’m running, I’m hiding, I’m naked. This is my normal. But even this normal can start to escalate…and I know I’m heading for an episode.
Melancholy 2020
Acrylic, roofing paper, and tar on paper
33 x 47 x 2.5 inches
For every person who’s ever told me to “get over it” or “You have nothing to be depressed about. If I had your life, I’d be grateful!” This one is for you.
Wired 2020
Acrylic on Canvas, casting plaster, iron and wire 48 x 60 x 1 inches
This piece has dual meanings for me. First, “wired” as a state of mania. Second, as a reference to prison wire. The closing of almost every mental health institution has resulted in the warehousing of people needing therapy and medication into our prison system.
MessiahComplex
2020 Video
Running time: 2min 0sec
https://youtu.be/JdgUhwEgodU
People with bipolar disorders or schizophrenia often suffer from the Messiah complex, which the American Psychological Association defines as “the desire and compulsiontoredeemorsaveothersortheworld.” For me this manifests as a sense of being "all knowing" and I feel like I am in tune with the entire universe and how it works.
BecauseICan’tHearYou 2020 Video
Running time: 1min 55sec https://youtu.be/yBGkDD5VlDI
With the mass closings of mental health facilities across our country, more people with mental illness are living on the streets or warehoused in prisons. Police encounters with them have escalated with disastrous consequences. I don't blame the police, they haven't had the time or money to get their PHDs in psychology. As a nation we need to create better community assistance for mental health treatment and create crisis intervention teams to help those experiencing mental illness episodes.
InaNutshell 2019
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer and gold leaf on wood 6 panels, 16 x 12 x 1 each
This six-piece series conveys my confusion and distress over where I fit in the current political environment. Everyone is touting their conflicting rights. Does my right to breathe clean air usurp your right to not wear a mask, or vice versa?
The individual titles in order :
I Am Anyone
Disintegration of American Empathy
My Voice?
My Body?
Disintegration of American Morality
I Am Everyone
WouldYou? 2019
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer, pills
24 x 24 x 1.5 inches
Most people with mental illness have tried “self-medicating” with drugs or alcohol. I managed to self-medicate myself right into rehab. Would You? explores that place in addiction where you are torn between the things you love most.
ExplodingRightoutofMySkin
2019
Oil on canvas 28 x 24 inches
For those moments that I’m positively vibrating inside, when I can feel and hear my own blood coursing through my veins, when it feels like the tips of my fingers are going to turn into claws that rip right through my skin.
SelfPortraitofaBipolarArtist 2018
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer on wood 3 panels, 24 x 24 x 1.5 inches each
This 3-panel series was the first artwork that I did directly dealing with my bipolar disorder. I wanted to try to describe what the onset of a manic episode feels like for me. The gathering internal storm, trying to get to a safe space before the explosion. I am blessed that the medication I am on has cut the severity of these “attacks” by 90% now, but I can clearly recall the resulting anger, violence, shame, and regret.
BornthisWay 2017
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer on wood 12 x 12 x 1 inches
Much of Bipolar disorder is still a mystery. My earliest memories that something was not quite right with me would have been around eight years old. I had episodes of rage that were downright staggering. If I fell off my bike I would have to throw or kick it until I bent it. I would get so angry that I would get nosebleeds. But this was the 1970s and I was simply considered high strung and in need of discipline….
IBrokeIt 2017
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer and mixed media on copper 15 x 15 x 1.5 inches
Before being stabilized by medication I tended to sabotage every relationship. I was too needy, too self-absorbed, too angry, and too emotional. Learning to have heathy relationships has been the greatest accomplishment in my life.
BrokenandAbandoned 2017
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer and mixed media on wood 10 x 8 x 2 inches
There is a constant struggle with mental illness to not see yourself as broken. I know that I am truly blessed with modern medicine to live a complete and happy life. My pain is for the many others out there suffering without access to the therapy and medicine they need.
BipolarDreams(small)
2017
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer on wood 12 x 12 x 1 inches
Dark, swirling, morphing shapes and images…time both escalates and stands still.
KillMe 2017
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer on wood 12 x 12 x 1 inches
I do not conform to conventional norms. I do not recognize myself in these images projected back at me….
GraveDreams 2016
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer
9 panels, 12 x 12 x 1 inches each
I’ve always been obsessed with old graveyards. The knowledge and memories buried there. The stories, hope, love, and resentments forgotten.
I attended the Kansas City Art Institute in Photography and Video before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and started on my medication. I have vague recollections of many episodes from that time that only in hindsight come across as bizarre behavior.
In GraveDreamsI take film stills from my college work and overlay it with a large photo of a graveyard. Sometimes I think I do it to remember, and some days I feel I bury them to forget.
IamEveryone/Anyone 2016
Encaustic, oil paint, photography, gold leaf 2 panels, 40 x 28 x 1 inches each
The perfection of Leonardo di Vinci’s VitruvianMan , the figure flayed of its outer layers to show how we are all truly the same. Mental illness can affect any of us. It doesn’t see gender or color. It doesn’t care who your parents are or what country you come from. We can learn a lot from mental illness.
Vision1&2 2016
Encaustic, pigment, image transfer on copper 2 panels, 15 x 15 x 1 inches each
These are examples of my earliest encaustic work dealing with perception. I often use the eye in my work both to exemplify my perception of the world as well as how I feel I am perceived.
WhoOwnsThis 2015
Encaustic, pigment, photo transfer, gold leaf 3 panels, 24 x 24 x 1.5 inches each
Originally this piece was done for the show Women’s Health in America curated by Caren Helen Rudman for the Evanston Art Center. As my work began to evolve into examining my bipolar and how it effects the way I think, see, and create I realized this piece is just as relevant with mental health. The issue of abuse in guardianships has been brought to the media forefront by Brittney Spears, but many with mental illness have fought this battle for centuries.
TRIGGER WALL
My trigger wall is comprised of 100 images that can trigger my bipolar disorder. Most of these are things that trigger a “hypomanic” state, a feeling of euphoria that is a bit out of body, vaguely paralyzing, and downright wonderful! Some promote feels of paranoia and guilt, and some manage to do a little of both. Color, texture, light, dreams, memories, and sounds – my world is an obstacle course of stimuli.
Music is also a major trigger for me. It can put me in a hypo manic state quicker than anything. Each of these images is paired with a song. Scan the accompanying QR code to listen.
I would be dead if I was not lucky.
Who’s bad? The artist? The city? Me? Probably all of us.
Beautiful & Terrifying…
Beautiful games we play.
Beautiful decay
Light…
Bloodletting…
The light shows everything!
Color, texture, what is behind there?
Warriors
Which way to go?
To soothe my savage beast.
Exploding right out of my skin.
Never happy where you are
Nostalgia…
Where do I come from?
Who sat here before me?
My mask is crumbling…
Descending into history
What have we done?
Self portrait
Beautiful and fragile
Haunted by my German heritage.
The possibilities are endless…
In my head I am here.
Reflections of home
So much light
Ancient tragedy.
Depth of field.
Mixed messages…
Always watching me
Promises, promises.
We have always been.
Choosing my mask for the day.
Magnificent and forbidden.
Mania in color
Keep smashing
Ethereal.
Hopeless yet still trying
Oh, the light!
So many pleasures just out of my reach.
Sleep perchance to dream.
Plagued.
In my memories I am here.
In my dreams I am here.
Self-evident?
Frustrating yet so desirable.
Seeing through the sky Sleep
Prison or safe haven?
Seeing through the green
Am I allowed?
To have experienced the wonder…
Such color
Place very carefully…
The sound of serenity.
Then everything went Sideways.
Shadow of myself…
I want to crawl right into this picture, sit at this table and drink my coffee.
My eyes change color with my moods…
Tuesday…
Texture.
I should be here.
In my heart I am here.
Color and texture…
Kelly Mathews is an artist from Chicago, IL. She was born in small town Iowa where she pursued two things, art and Arabian horses. After receiving her BFA from the Kansas City Art Institute, Kelly spent the next 22 years professionally training and showing Arabian horses. Her students have won numerous top National honors in the United States and Canada. Retiring in 2014 from professional riding, Kelly has returned full time to her art. Her history with addiction, rehab, recovery and Bipolar disorder lend her a unique perspective on the world around her. Primarily using encaustic and photography, her work deals with social and political issues.
Education
1992 BFA, Kansas City Art Institute
Employment
Gallery Director - Stola Contemporary Art Board of Directors – Chicago Woman’s Caucus for the Arts
Solo Exhibitions
2021 “Being Bipolar in a Polarized World” The Art Center Highland Park, Highland Park, IL
2020 "Being Bipolar in a Polarized World" Stola Contemporary Art, Chicago, IL
2017 The New Studio, Evanston, IL
Juried Exhibitions
2020
Publication "Not Normal, Art in the Age of Trump" Curated by Karen Gutfreund LIP, Hairpin Art Center, Chicago, IL
Panelist, International Society for Bipolar Disorders Conference
Collectively Shifting, Woman's Caucus for the Arts National Show, Chicago, IL
Girls will be Girls, UTRGV Rusteberg Gallery, Brownsville, TX
2019
Pop Art 2.0, The Art Center Highland Park, Highland Park, IL
Fire Works, Lakeside Legacy Art Center, Crystal Lake, IL
Fayum 21, Union Street Gallery, Chicago Heights, IL
Impact Color, Impact Black & White, The Art Center Highland Park, Highland Park, IL
Blue, Jackson Junge Gallery, Chicago, IL
In View, The Art Center Highland Park, Highland Park, IL
Humanity Rising II, ARC Gallery, Chicago, ILB
Art Gala on Fremont, Chicago, IL
All Politics Are Local, Jackson Junge Gallery, Chicago, IL
2018
Naked Truth, Old Courthouse, Woodstock, IL
Project – RESIST FEAR, 33 Contemporary Gallery, Chicago, IL
FEATURED ARTIST – Project RESIST FEAR, Art Center Highland Park
Political Statements, Chimera Loft, Evanston, IL
Artprize 2018, Corridor Coffee, Grand Rapids, MI
Pride and Prejudice, ARC Gallery, Chicago, IL
Insights II, Zolla/Lieberman Gallery, Chicago, IL
Resist/Embrace, KYO Gallery, Alexandria, VA
Journey to America, Highland Park Art Center, Highland Park,IL Juror Montserrat Alsina
2017
Undefinable: Woman’s Health in America, Evanston Art Center, Evanston, IL
Visions, Open Center for the Arts, Chicago, IL
Beneath the Surface, Highland Park Art Center, HighlandPark, IL. Curated by Caren Helene Rudman
Sketchbooks, 33 Contemporary Gallery, ZouB Art Center, Chicago, IL
Expo Chicago Week, Mars Gallery, Chicago, IL
Political Ramifications, Hairpin Art Center, Chicago, IL Curated by Gretchen Henninger
2016
Connect, University of Chicago, Hyde Park, IL
Perfecting Your Craft, Chicagoland Chamber of Commerce, Chicago, Il
160 Degrees, Gallery 2506, Chicago, IL. Curated by Kathleen Burnett
2015 4th Annual Encaustic Exhibition, Morpho Gallery, Chicago, IL. Curated by David Leigh
1993 Iowa Artists, Des Moines Art Center, Des Moines, IA. Curated by Deborah Levinton
1992 Screening – That Month before Fall, Kansas City Film Festival, Kansas City, MO
Screening – Separation of Thoughts, Sony International Film Festival, San Francisco, New York, Tokyo.
Various Private Collections
