THEFIRSTSOBERLIFESTYLEMAGAZINE www.newmethodwellness.com
September 2015
TABLEOFCONTENTS ALetter fromUs
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TheFunnies
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featuring You Might Have More Than 30 Days When...
Gratitude
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Favorite gratitudes from the NMW Gratitude List
RecoveryMonthActivities2015
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Let's celebrate September Recovery Month!
AchievingBalance
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Where is the balance between persevering and letting go?
SevenThingstoLearntoLet Go
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Letting go of seven ideas that are false.
Perseverance
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How do you stay well during times of perseverance?
TheBookshelf
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Books by local authors that discuss our lifestyle.
NewonOur Blog
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Check out our latest blogs.
Contact Information
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WhoisNewMethodWellness?
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ALETTER FROMUS ToOur NewFriends September isSAMHSA'sNational RecoveryMonth,awholemonthtocelebrate ourselves! Eachof ushasastoryof strugglingwithdrugsandalcohol andalsoa buildingstoryof recoveryfromahopelessstate. Tellingour storiesisoneof the best toolsinstayingsober,byinspiringotherstorelateand jointhesober movement. So,thismonthlet'scelebrateeachother'sstoriesandlistentohowsimilar our pathsare. Welcometoour celebrations. Love&Peace, NMWSTAFF
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TheFunnies YOUMIGHTHAVEMORETHAN30DAYSWHEN... 1. You finally lower your hood and take off your sunglasses. 2. That moment when you wake up in the morning isn't associated with pain/agony. 3. You start protecting your coffee and cigarettes, because you NEED them. 4. Your baseball hat may be facing forward. 5. You stop picking at your skin...because there is nothing to pick at. 6. It ceases to be overwhelming to take a shower, in fact it's kinda nice. 7. You don't miss when giving that high five. 8. You get that first laughter ab workout, and you're sore for a day. 9. In general, you kind of feel like either you're clothes don't fit or you constantly have something irritating in your eye, i.e. you have no serenity yet.
10. Every single person's voice is either too high-pitched or too loud. 11. All you hear in support group meetings is "blah, blah, sober, blah, ALCOHOL, blah, sponsor, ALCOHOL, DRUGS, DRUGS, blah, blah". 12. You have the perspective that you will feel like this forever, because well...30 days is forever and it hasn't changed yet. 13. Faces begin to be familiar...a little bit. 14. You accidentally said hello to a few people at a meeting. 15. You suddenly notice your roots are grown out 5 inches, your leg hair could be braided, and you haven't shaved your pits in nine months. (Congrats, you CAN stop something for nine months!) 16. You still have no idea how much you are going to change if you stay sober.
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Email Karin at karinl@newmethodwellness.com to join our closed daily gratitude group. With over 550 sober members it's like nothing else.
Gratitude
A gratitude list is a daily effort used to direct our attention toward what we have. Addicts and alcoholics have a common behavior trait--we want more! We need daily gratitude to stay focused and satisfied, and to stay sober. The following is a list of some of our favorite gratitudes from our Facebook "New Method Wellness Gratitude List":
Today I am grateful for: - Being available when my friends are hurting. - Endless opportunities in recovery. Anything is possible. It's easy to expect the worst, but a lot of good experiences and opportunities can happen. Anything is possible when you stay in action. - Coffee and quiet time in the morning to center myself, gather my thoughts and set my intentions for the new day. - The cyclical nature of everything in our universe... Even the darkest nights bring with them the faith of a brighter tomorrow. - Knowing and understanding people around me.
- A longer than normal drive to work today, because it allowed me more time to myself than I normally get. - The ability to choose today. I can choose how I respond to life and I can choose to be the best me I am capable of today. - That feeling of "everything just came together." - The opportunity to give back to those who helped me, no matter how inconvenient. - Living to express love to myself and others. - People who show me the right way to live, that I can imitate.
Dear Worl d, Thank you f or everyt hing. 5
RE CO VE RY MO NTH Sept ember
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TenWays toCel ebrateRecovery Month Although we do recovery activities and work to stay sober throughout the year, September is a special month when we can take some extra time to appreciate the act of recovery. We can take this opportunity in three ways:
- Celebr at e our ow n r ecover y and t hose r ecover ing ar ound us. - Und er st and t hose w ho ar e st ill st r ug g ling . - Remember t hose w ho have lost t he bat t le. This is an awesome time to seek a new spark in sobriety and do some additional action on a daily basis. Here is a list of new fun sobriety enriching actions.
To check out other SAMHSA National Recovery Month activities check out www.recoverymonth.gov.
1. ThreeCandles CelebratingRecovery Purchase three candles: a red, black, and a white one. The red candles symbolizes those still suffering from addiction. The black candle is in remembrance of those who have lost the battle with our disease. And the white candle celebrates our own recovery. In a safe way, leave these candles burning throughout the month to direct our thoughts.
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TakeaSober PhotoaDay Paint Your SobrietyDate for aMonth onaRock Take photos journaling what you are doing in sobriety each day for the length of Recovery Month. Pictures can be of something or someone that kept you sober, places that inspire you, something new you tried in sobriety, or even selfies. At the end of the month you have 30 great, fun pictures of a sober life (and probably even more). 7
A sobriety date is essential in sobriety, and can be used to celebrate personal recovery. Paint (or use a Sharpie) your date on a rock and bury it in your favorite place. This gives you an opportunity to go to that favorite place, and ties in a sobriety memory there. This is a great ritual to do with friends.
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Start aJournal About Sobriety
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ThrowaGratitudeBreakfast Invite your sober friends over for a morning celebration to show them you are thankful for their sobriety. Sobriety takes more than just ourselves, and showing gratitude for our friends feels good for them and us! Even if breakfast consists of coco puffs and coffee, it's an opportunity to talk and reflect about how much life has changed since the beginning of sobriety.
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Buy a special notebook that you love, perhaps one with a quote written on the front or tape a happy photo on it. Write down inspiring thoughts, something that you did on that day, or write about something that is bothering you. Focus on attaining solution, love, and peace in your pictures, quotes, and writings to keep the journal positive.
Remember ThoseWhohavePassedfrom Addiction Remembering someone can be painful, but keeping their memory alive in a small way can alter the way we think of them--focusing the memories from negative to positive. Find an old picture and put it next to your bed or tape it to your bathroom mirror for a month. Write a little bit about good memories you shared with this person and send it to their family. Buy flowers for the person and look at them every day. Small gestures can ease up the pain we feel.
WriteaThankYouCardaDay Handwritten cards are so special. Get a box of cards, and write a short thank you message with a couple of appreciations to a different person each day. Send by mail or give personally.
HaveaRecoveryMovieNight Watch a recovery movie with sober friends. Eat popcorn, sit on the couch, have some desert and enjoy the show. Suggested movies: Half Nelson (2006) A Royal Hangover (2014) American Addict (2012) Grace. (2014)
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8. TrySomethingNew...Something YouHaveAlwaysWantedToDo Try something new and courageously try it sober. Some ideas include: painting pictures writing poetry surfing karaoke sky diving backpacking
Check-inswitholdfriendsstill struggling This can be viewed as dangerous territory, but can be done in a controlled way. Most of us have friends that we care about that are out there drinking and using. We can text a quick, "hello, I'm thinking about you," without an intent to hang out or get involved in unhealthy behavior. With some boundaries we can communicate our love and concern for those still battling our disease. 8
Achieving Balance The following two articles push our minds to consider two opposing points of view: letting go and perseverance. Finding balance in sobriety can be a painful, confusing, and a mistake-filled journey to comfort and happiness. Tolerance for discomfort decreases as we get sober, and the guilty conscience grows as our eyes open to how our actions affect others. We have to make decisions frequently about what to fight for and what to pass up with the hope that life will get more orderly. Finding the balance between letting go and perseverance is essentially the daily fight we must battle. Setting goals and acquiring ambition gives us direction for our journey. There is no right answer to what should be let go and what should be fought for, as there is an argument for the benefits of both sides. The solution lies in finding that next indicated step...
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SEV EN
Things toLearn toLet Go
Written by Karin Lindgren 10
?Let go?? a phrase used by our parents, flashy motivational speakers, in psychology, religion, self-help books and blogs. Across the board there seems to be a running theme that humans need to learn to let go of people, places, and things in order to be successful and at peace. It seems that we are not born with this ability, and at some point (the earlier the better) we have to gain this awesome knowledge of how to let go, when to let go, and who to let go. For addicts and alcoholics, there is a correlation between staying sober and acquiring this skill. If we remain in the funk of gripping tightly to our resentments, our frustrations with people, or the unfairness of life we have little ability to stay away from our choice substance to soothe our hostilities. Letting go is usually the ?last house on the block? option for us, although it may be the quickest, easiest route to peace and comfort. When I say ?let go of your car keys?, do you put them down or do you throw them away? If you?re like me, you just put them down. It wouldn?t occur to me to throw them away. When used in command form ?let go? simply means to not hold onto to something anymore. It doesn?t entail throwing someone, somewhere, or something away, it just involves not having control over it with some kind of death grip. So, how is it that letting go of your relapsing friend somehow in our minds means ending the relationship? It doesn?t. Letting go of someone involves not carrying the weight of their behavior anymore. It lets them be who they are, and somehow it ceases to affect you negatively.
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But how do you do it? Just wake up one day and not be offended by something offensive? No, it takes a bit of time, practice, discipline, and mistakes to reach this point. It also takes compassion, love, zipped lips, and patience. It's probably easier to not have contact with the person anymore. But it?s possible in a grand way to become someone who can have balance in relationships, love everyone regardless of what they are doing, and to essentially be calm, happy and positive in any situation. The ultimate goal is to have a feeling of ?I am exactly where I am supposed to be? and to be in acceptance of life exactly as it presents itself.
Getting there is a process involving the practice of letting go some of our deeply ingrained ideas? assumptions we have decided as ?fact?. The following is a list of thoughts that we can combat in order to start moving toward a life of ease and comfort.
1. ?L etting go is weak, I should hang in there and fight this.? In looking at the people around me that I admire, I see them letting go of both significant and insignificant things that happen to them. I see these admirable people as strong, so there must be something to this. Letting go requires strength and courage. Letting go requires power over one?s own mind and behavior, and faith in the process. There really is nothing weak about turning the other cheek to situations where we want to get hopelessly involved in the time-consumptive pain. It requires control and conscious decision making. There is also nothing weak about identifying what could hurt us in the future and making the choice to love from afar. Also, it takes strength to consistently remain present and loving in people?s lives who are not doing well and remain okay in the process. Letting go is not weak.
2. ?M istakes are regrettable.? There are plenty of mistakes to be made in the process of finding the right balance of letting go. How do we know what to say unless we have the experience of offending a few people? Painful for both ourselves and the other, but it is part of the process of learning. Mistakes can be uncomfortable? that moment when you realize you probably should not have done that, when your stomach sinks, and you realize you created a bit of a mess. This is that moment of letting go? when we get relief from letting go of our embarrassment and regret, facing what we have done, and apologize for it. And we never have to behave or think like that again. Therefore, mistakes are an opportunity for us to get better, and without them we may never grow.
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3. ?People don?t change.? People can change, but it requires insight into what needs to change and intention to correct themselves. In other words, we have to know we need to change in order for it to happen, and most people survive quite nicely without ever knowing they are the problem. Getting sober requires us to change our daily behaviors or we do not survive. As recovering addicts and alcoholics, we get an opportunity to learn what needs to change and get tools to do it by listening to trusted people around us. I continue to let go of my old self and progress forward to a new, updated version by changing my behaviors.
4. ?For giveness requires two people.? Forgiving someone does not mean you agree with what happened. I means you are not going to remain resentful, and that the relationship is going to continue to mature. There is a quote by an unknown person that states, ?Forgiveness does not excuse their actions. Forgiveness stops their actions from destroying your heart.? Forgiveness is letting go? both of whatever happened, and of our own resentments about people. This only requires ourselves, the other person plays no part in our ability to forgive and move on, and we can remain happy and healthy.
5. ?I will feel this same way about this forever.? Over time our ideas and perspectives evolve. I often thought once I was bothered by some characteristic of a person, that was it? I couldn?t like them. Turns out my tolerance and opinions change over time. A wise person once told me that as our emotional health increases, our ability to handle unhealthy behaviors also increases. For example, as we get more emotionally stable, we are able to withstand unhealthy people without getting upset, wound up, or critical. By not getting so affected by others, I can have fruitful relationships and watch people grow and change. I have learned that if I let go of my attitudes toward people, I can maintain a good relationship with anyone.
6. ?I am r ight, people must agree with me. There is a best way.? As a controlling individual, I often thought I knew the best way to go about life, because I felt I had experience and had ?tried everything?. When I got sober I had to put away all of my own ideas into the ?clearly that didn?t work file? in my mind. I had to start fresh and begin listening to others about how they proceeded through life, and start mimicking their behaviors. The truth is I have no idea how other?s lives are going to happen, and there is no ?best way? to continue learn and grow. 13
7. ?Ever yone must like me.? Getting used to others not agreeing with me, thinking I am strange, and disapproving is hard! As long as I am doing the work to analyze if my actions are hurting people, and if I stay out of reacting to other?s behaviors I can proceed in a peaceful way. I might have to say honest and assertive words sometimes, and it may upset others, but I do not limit myself by considering what someone will think of me or if they will like what I have to say. I focus on the truth, say it in a kind way, and only say it if it is necessary to maintain peace. This form of letting go gives me freedom make healthy boundaries and communicate effectively.
Letting go has many forms and levels. Although there is no best way, this is a strong contender in that it seems to result in peace, happiness, compassion, and a simpler life. Letting go doesn?t just involve the toxic things in our lives, but sometimes the good things as well. My ego likes to expand when I cling to my accomplishments, and I find myself apt to brag or talk down to people. By having gratitude and accepting life exactly as it is, I can remain in balance.
Any questions about this article? Contact karinl@newmethodwellness.com
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P ERSEV ERA N CE H e a d in g N o r t h b o u n d
w r it t e n b y A lis o n H . ? J u s t wh e n t h e c a t e r p i l l a r t h o u g h t wa s o v e r , i t b e c a me a b u t t e r f l y . ?
t h e wo r l d - Pr o v e r b
How many times have you doubted yourself, like the caterpillar once did? Think back to long ago or even more recently, how you held on just awhile longer through painful phases and saw a miracle waiting on the other side. Exhausting, to say the least, to experience such consistent pain, but as you reflect, remember how your exhale of gratitude made you feel when seeing those miracles? Without that perseverance, you would have never seen the beauty that was anxiously awaiting you. A storm is dark and it is aggressive. It will shake you up and tear your world down. You don?t always spend much time acknowledging the various gifts that come to life once the storm passes? things that are washed away that no longer serve a purpose in our lives. Life begins to form all around you and you?re surrounded by vibrant, colorful beauty. And most of all, you receive a great lesson. Our greatest happiness cannot be known without meeting our greatest pain. Without that pain, there truly will be no gain. Happiness handed to us freely somehow doesn?t taste so sweet because we did not put in the wor k for it. 15
Most of us wonder how we made it through those chaotic storms, but there is a reason. That reason is perseverance. Perseverance is holding to a course of action despite pain, sadness, frustration, or confusion. It wants you to trust even though you will be blind to the outcome and no promise will be made to you while walking through these challenging times. However, looking back over the course of your life, you may notice that the sun always fell and the night always appeared. Night lasts for a while, but eventually leaves. The miracle to follow that? the sun will always reappear and vibrant beams of joy shooting in every direction will follow our darkest days. Perseverance does not have to be so painful and so darn grueling! We are not meant to suffer during our time on earth. Pain will happen, but suffering is optional. We have that choice. Imagine what it would be like to persevere while managing your emotions, achieving your goals, and chasing your dreams? If you?ve made it this far through the article, you may be well on your way to understanding a less painful way to practice perseverance. It will take application and consistency. There are always ways to adjust the way we live our lives and how we react to the world around us, without having to suffer.
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Pe r s e v e r a n c e i s hol di ng t o a c our s e of
ac t i on despi t e pai n s adnes s
f r us t r at i on or c onf us i on.
MANAGING YOUR EMOTIONS WHILE ON THE PURSUIT OF PERSEVERANCE with the present moment. One of the 1. Reunite greatest gifts you could give to yourself while obtaining perseverance is to familiarize yourself with your surroundings in the present moment. When we are constantly thinking about the future, we increase our anxiety and easily sabotage our path to positive pursuit. The present is a gift. Practicing being in the present moment is mindfulness meditation. When practicing meditation of any kind, we feel more in control. We are not able to control life?s outcomes, but we can control three things- our attitude, our actions, and our outlook. When consistently practicing this form of mediation (living in the moment), you will notice over time that your concentration will improve and stress reduces significantly. Discipline must be obtained when applying mindful meditation. This will all depend on your level of willingness and your desire to not suffer. you ever noticed when you are under 2. Have significant pain or stress in your life, you tend to self-destruct? Where you are going wrong: When life is throwing curveballs at the speed of light, we are supposed to be our own biggest supporter and our biggest protector. What usually happens is we become our own worst enemy, sending self-inflicted painful messages to ourselves about what a loser we are. This is neither useful nor productive while trying to achieve emotional stability with perseverance. This will only add stress and set you back. When doing adequate self-care, you become centered, focused, present, and more connected to life again. See the chart to the right for tools for performing self-love. 17
we are drenched in negative emotions through our perseverance journey, sometimes we can 3. When disconnect from our belief system. We start to adopt other people?s beliefs because we believe we are not worthy. Having consistent emotional pain and discomfort will take a hit on the self-esteem. THE GOOD NEWS: We can always reconnect with our belief system. A belief system is not what your father thinks of you, not what your mother thinks of you, and not what anyone else thinks of you- it is about what YOU think of YOU. Some of us have adopted negative beliefs about ourselves along the way. How productive have these beliefs been? Are you ready for a positive perception shift and to reconnect with your positive belief system? I challenge you to pick up a pen and a piece of paper. Go somewhere quiet that comforts your spirit. Write at the top of the page, ?MY Belief System? and start writing the things you believe in. It can be as simple as, ?I believe in Doritos.? It may sound funny and it may seem small, but you have to start somewhere. Other examples would be believing in integrity, believing in protecting the environment, believing in random acts of kindness towards others, believing in coffee, believing in playing loud music on a sunny day, believing in family time, etc.
star t wr itin g th e th in gs you bel ieve in
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A b e lie f s y s t e m is not w hat your father t h in k s o f y o u , not w hat your m other t h in k s o f y o u , and not w hat a n y o n e e ls e t h in k s o f y o u - it is about w hat Y O U t h in k o f YOU.
As you look over your list, how many are you applying each day in your life? The key to our belief system is that we live it out and engage in it. Our spirit hurts when we don?t live its truth out. When our emotions are more regulated, you will find achieving your goals will come much easier and you will have motivation to chase your dreams while life feels like it?s pulling you down. The Caterpillar could have given up, but in no time it was a butterfly. Don?t give up before the real miracle happens. These painful times will be shaping you, molding you, and creating the most miraculous butterfly you could have ever dreamed of. What we believe, we manifest. Believe in you and believe in the art of perseverance.
Questions about this article or the art of perseverance? Contact Alison H. at ali.hord@gmail.com. 19
TheBookshelf RecoveryBooksbyLocal Authors
Liquid Denial: A Novel of Recovery and Redemption By John A Smyth (2014) Henry Mueller is a husband, a father, an artist, a writer and an alcoholic. After thirteen years sober his business fails, his ego takes a beating and one day a drink sounds like the solution. After a drunken fight with his wife he finds himself in trouble and faced with court ordered rehab to avoid jail. Demoralized and desperate to avoid jail time he spends twenty eight days in a local detox facility. With a clear head and hopes to get his life on track Henry is faced with an unexpected scenario. His wife is not ready to welcome him home. With nowhere else to go and a court date ahead of him, Henry white knuckles it and seeks refuge wherever he can find it while struggling with his new but teetering sobriety. The only question is ? will Henry discover a man willing to spend his days clean and sober, or an alcoholic hell bent on running from his troubles. He battles with a choice - surrender to save his own life or seeking oblivion in a bottle. (www.amazon.com, $11)
A Principle of Recovery: An Unexpected Journey Through the Twelve Steps By Jack Gr isham (2015) This is a book written by Jack Grisham, the author of 'An American Demon', and the lead singer of T.S.O.L.. Jack is a prominent local man in sobriety, an enjoyed speaker, and a self-proclaimed anarchist/agnostic has been clean and sober since January 1989. If you struggle with finding a higher power, as Jack did, this book can enlighten you how he found ease and comfort through his unconventional journey doing the Twelve Steps. (www.amazon.com, $20) 20
ReadMoreAbout SobrietyonOur LivingSober Blog Follow our active blog to r ead m or e about issues r elated to sobr iety and how to keep on tr ack in our daily lives. www.newmethodwellness.com/blog/
"Sobriety allows us to see our full potential; so, getting a stable 9 to 5 job, pursuing our life-long dream, or going back to school may be prominent prospects for the near future. Unfortunately, the thought of these new-found talents and motivation often surface emotions other than excitement? Emotions like fear . Fear of failing, fear of temptation, fear of not being good enough, smart enough, or talented enough to excel. The good news is: ?fear?is just False Evidence Appearing Real... "
"'What should young people do with their lives today? M any things, obviously. But the most dar ing thing is to create communities in which the ter r ible disease of loneliness can be cured.' ? Kurt Vonnegut It has come to our attention that the greatest sober app ever to be invented has recently been released to the public at the start of this month. The app is called Sober Grid, and it is the greatest sobriety tool ever to be created for the iPhone. .."
w w w .n e w m e t h o d w e lln e s s .c o m / b lo g /
S tru g g le is n ' t fu n but it gives us an
oppor t unit y t o be
BRAVE
- Rae Smi t h
DoYouHaveQuestionsor CommentsAbout Our Magazine? We l ove feedback and new i deas! Cont act K ari n Li ndgren at New M et hod Wel l ness k ari nl @newmet hodwel l ness.com
SOMETHING DIFFERENT At NewMethodWellness,substanceabuse treatment istailoredtoeachindividual client. We consider all aspects of recovery when setting our clients up for a life of sobriety. We seek to provide the best possible guidance and tools through a range of therapeutic methods. This is how we offer a personal, effective experience to each client. Our treatment focuses on medical detoxification, counseling and process groups, but also includes yoga, acupuncture, massage therapy, art therapy, equine therapy, nutrition, and family outreach (to name a few of our methods). Our center is located in San Juan Capistrano in Orange County. Our safe, quiet, upscale residences are located in the oceanfront communities of San Clemente and Capistrano Beach. We accept PPO insur ance plans for full payment and will gladly process your claim. We also have financing available to help with treatment costs.
NEEDHELP? New Method Wellness is a substance abuse center located in Orange County, CA. NMW takes a holistic approach to recovery, providing affordable medical detox, primary care, dual diagnosis, trauma treatment, extended aftercare, outpatient treatment, and family outreach. Whatever your needs, we will accommodate to make your recovery process as comfortable as possible.
NewMethodWellness 31473 Rancho Vi ejo Road Sui t e 101 San Juan Capi st rano, CA 92675 866.951.1824 i nfo@newmet hodwel l ness.com www.newmet hodwel l ness.com