The man was tall that walked over to our table. He bent forward, hovering over my BYU 10/14/13 5:29 PM
food. “I’m putting twenty dollars in the band’s tip jar to see you do the chicken dance.”
Consider mentioning what was on your plate to help paint the picture even more. Also, it would be nice to have a better idea of what the man looked like, so the reader can know we are talking about a true Texan man in a true Texan restaurant.
I was left staring dumbfounded as he walked over to the stage, put in the twenty
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although my wife was a fellow native, I was from Seattle, and painfully introverted. On
Could we try condensing/ cutting this so we can reach the main point earlier? Would you consider mentioning your nonnative, introverted Seattle status closer to the beginning? I like that part, but I think we can fit it in “when the band began playing the music, I (a Seattle native and painfully introverted) nervously stood.” Or something like that. I don’t know if the rest of this section is as important as the next part where you introduce the idea of community.
top of it all, I didn’t know how to do the chicken dance. But either way I was about to
dollars, and asked the country band to play the songmade his request to the country band—all before I had utteredcould utter a response. When the band began playing the music, I nervously stood. The stranger who made the request didn’t realize that
make a fool of myself since all I could recall about the dance was that it involved shaking your rear and flapping your arms. It didn’t take long, however, before half of the restaurant guests were there on the dance floor with their plaid shirts, leather boots and cowboy hats and none of us knew what we were doing. It took most of the song for us to figure it out, but it was a fun and hilarious process as we watched each other move awkwardly off beat. That night, after my 26 years of more or less social interaction, I learned what it was like to bond with a community. And I learned it in Dallas, Texas. This experience taught me that Tthe people we meet in the places we visit can be as much of an attraction as the places themselves. So as your planning your next trip, consider visiting these fun places in Dallas for a good time and ample opportunitieschance to meet new people and, get a taste of southern hospitality, and of course have a good time.
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Trail Dust
I like this description of the restaurant. If we are going with the theme of southern hospitality, could we maybe include a blurb on the service? What are the servers like? How is the food served? Does everyone share the different dishes? Is it typical to see people eating off of each other’s plates? I think these kinds of details will continue to allow the reader to understand why Dallas is different than any other family-friendly city.
That memorable evening of chicken dancing occurred within the walls of “Trail Dust,” a truly Texan restaurant. As you walk in the entrance, the walls themselves are covered in the severed ties of people who have come expecting to dine formally. If having your tie chopped off doesn’t tell you that this is going to be a “down home country
experience,” seeing a large metal slide going through the middle of the restaurant should give it away. The live country music, open dance floor (see above story) and famous, giant and delicious southern steaks combine to make the perfect Texan dining experience, proving that the only thing bigger than a Texan’s heart is his stomach. BYU 10/14/13 5:35 PM
http://traildust.com/index.php
I like this as the last sentence in this section. A great summary!
State Fair of Texas And withWith big hearts come big feelings. Many cities have symbols or monuments that represent the heart and soul of its people. For most Texans, that monument goes by the name of “Big Tex.” Standing 52 feet tall, Big Tex has been the iconic symbol of the State Fair of Texas for 61 years. In October 2012, Big Tex was destroyed by an
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internal, electrical fire. That tragic incident initiated a state-wide grieving period like
The tone of this section doesn’t quite fit with the rest of the article. I think this is an interesting story, but I’m not sure if we need it in this much detail. Consider removing or condensing to one sentence so we don’t get caught up in this part and then need to re-remember what was being discussed beforehand.
none I had ever seen. YouTube videos were quickly posted of the incident while people facebooked, tweeted, and blogged the horror of the news. But the Texans did not stay down long, and they have already erected the new and improved Big Tex, so you can still expect to receive his warm greeting when visiting the fair. However, Big Tex certainly isn’t the only attraction at the fair. After passing the iconic greeter, you’re sure to notice the Texas Star, one of the tallest ferris wheels in the nation. It’s a great and relaxing ride for those who enjoy the thrill of high altitudes, or just want a great view of the city. Afterwards, if you start feeling the pangs of hunger, grab some of the fair’s famous deep-fried food—but since we are talking about Texas, don’t limit yourself to chicken. At the fair you can try anything deep-fried: deep-fried cotton
BYU 10/14/13 5:44 PM This is very interesting! And I like the connection you make at the end about the spirit of competition. It’s a good insight into the people themselves.
BYU 10/14/13 5:45 PM I love this.
candy, deep-fried Coke, deep-fried Doritos pizza, deep-fried butter, deep-fried bacon cinnamon rolls, and it goes on. This interminable list of deep-fried foods owes its variety to the spirit of competition which inspires these crazy but tasty combinations. After filling your gut with the many manifestations of trans-fats, enjoying a concert,
BYU 10/14/13 5:47 PM Is this a seasonal state fair? If it’s year-round, what other kinds of activities are there?
BYU 10/14/13 5:50 PM This sentence is a little long, but I think could be shortened by removing most of the adjectives (like dumbfounded, crazed and masochistic)—just so we can get to the horses and bulls portion more quickly.
watch the bird or bike shows, or reignite your creative side with pumpkin carving. As the largest state fair in the US, the State Fair of Texas really has it all.
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http://www.bigtex.com/sft/
Is there another word we can use for this? I’m picturing young people protesting when I read this for some reason. Maybe “exhibitions” or something along those lines?
Mesquite ProRodeo
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Finally, your trip to Dallas wouldn’t be complete without a visit to the Mesquite ProRodeo. There is nothing like sitting up against a rodeo-loving southerner while dirt and dung are flown into the air as you stare dumbfounded at a crazed group of
Can we include more about how this works? Are they actually clinging to the sheep? Are they riding them or being dragged behind?
masochistic cowboys lined up to have themselves tossed around on hyped-up horses
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around the arena in an event called mutton bustin’. The rodeo also includes steer
Dallas specifically or Texas in general?
wrestling, kids dash for cash (where a hoard of children chase after a calf covered in
BYU 10/14/13 6:02 PM Shocking because most people everywhere else are not hospitable? Is there maybe another word we can use? Like “big ‘ole dose” or even “Texassized.” “Shocking” makes me feel like we’re shocked because normally people would think there is something wrong with Texans.
BYU 10/14/13 6:05 PM Nice work! I love your descriptions of the different places to visit and how they connect with the idea of southern hospitality. I think that’s an important focus that helps this article stand out as one with a specific angle that isn’t just “here is a list of things to do.” It’s a list that helps illustrate the people. I like what you say in the introduction about the people being the attraction. Maybe we can drive that home even more here at the end. Thanks for all your hard work! I’m excited to see this in the magazine. Great job.
and berserk bulls. Thankfully, for the faint of heart, the intensity is broken up with demonstrations of brave children clinging to the downy wool of sheep as they’re raced
dollar bills), tie down roping, and cowgirl barrel racing. The rodeo provides a ton of excitement and entertainment, all soaked in the flavor of the south. http://www.mesquiterodeo.com/ These are just a few of the places where you can go to get the Texas experience. However, keep in mindBut it’s always nice to know that, wherever you go—, whether you are at a restaurant, a rodeo, or even on the road asking for directions—, you will be treated like family and receive a shocking and sincere dose of southern hospitality.