roots by rootszine

roots

Editor’s Note Welcome to the first issue of roots! We are here to encourage young women of colour to embrace their true beauty and talents. At a young age, I barely got to see a realistic representation of myself in magazines, TV shows, films and even toys, so I would compare myself to other girls (particularly my white friends) and feel out of place. I would admire their Eurocentric features but now, I am learning how to embrace my own Filipino beauty. I know a lot of young girls and women are still struggling to do the same and have attempted to change the way they look to conform to beauty standards for acceptance. This zine is not just another zine. It is a voice to address issues that need to be more spoken about so that it can educate others and help young women feel more comfortable with their identities. Essentially, it is to make a statement that we are enough and our bodies are OUR bodies. There is nothing wrong with being of colour and having the features that you were born with. Do you know the saying ‘remember your roots’? Well, this zine is here to remind you to express your beauty and talents to the fullest but to never forget where you came from and what makes you, you. The talents of young women of colour are celebrated throughout as I believe that it is an important part of your identity. Although beauty is important to us, looking beyond that will help others to see that you have a lot more to offer. I would like to thank all the girls who helped roots come to life. I’m so excited to share their stories with you and hope you can relate to them. They made me realise that there is so much talent out there and how so many girls face insecurities and discrimination but are trying to fight or have already fought their way out of it so hopefully, you can too. Love your roots, love yourself.

Contributors

Kathleen Mae Laugo

Fides Dagongdong

Allyza Escabarte

@kathleenmae__

@fidesadee_

@allyza.e

Mardie Evangelista

Neusa Gimbi

Ashley Obi

@mard_zie

@neusa_gimbi

@ac0bi_

Kimberly Encarnacion

Orin Begum

Amana Haq

@kimbrlyencarnacion

@poetrie_by_oreenie

@amanahaq

Alysa Briones

Charlotte Lopez

Laura Kadhani

@ajp.briones

@charlottelopezx

@laura.kadhani

Milifya Marques

Jassinta Carr

Tia Xiao

@milifya

@_jassinta

@tiaxiao

Contributors

Udochukwu Emeka-Okafor

Ravan Shokar

Victoria Daniels

@byudochukwu

@ravan_shokar

@dontcallmetori_

Wincel Pasco

Christy Nganjimi

Shobnam Hussain

@wincel.p

@christiebby

@shobnamhussain

Aislinn Finnegan

Monique Carandang

Renae Howell

@aislinn.art

@moniquecarandang

@renpow_

Precious Abesamis

Michelle Eghan

Shion Sasahara

@pr.e

@michietaylorss

@shionsasa

Anchilla Francisco

Danelle Nichole So

@anchillamariee_

@iamdanelleee_

I have faced issues with my skin tone because I am considered to be too dark for my culture. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been pressured by my relatives and society, always being told that fair skin is more beautiful. I actually did lighten my skin when I was younger - I used to make turmeric face masks because I read it was a great way to get lighter. I ended up getting marks on my face because I damaged my skin but Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve stopped because I learnt to embrace my natural beauty and I love the skin I have.

Charlotte Lopez

Colourism is a thing in my culture as they think only light skin is pretty, they don’t like darker skin tones and you’re looked down on; even for my facial structure as it leans more towards African features and they don’t like that back home. They prefer pointed nose and they don’t like overweight people but also complain about skinny people. Living in the UK has helped me accept the way I look but before, I used to get weird looks for my appearance since diversity wasn’t really a big thing back then. Shobnam Hussain 6

“I had to pinch my nose every morning so that it could be pointy.”

I started skin whitening when I was about 11? 12? My mum was the one who gave me the soap (she’s also used skin whitening herself) and to be honest, I wanted it myself too because back then, I was so insecure about my skin colour since I was the darkest out of my friends and I was always made fun of; it would be just like inside jokes between us but I think it really hit me inside?? That time I just thought that to be pretty, I needed to be lighter so I asked my mum to buy skin whitening products which I used for yearssss, which I’m not gonna lie, the products actually worked for me hahaha. I think I stopped using it completely until 17? When I got more confident with my skin colour, I realised I didn’t need to have lighter skin to be pretty. I think also during that time everyone on social media was like “love yourself more” and stuff like that so I think that influenced me as well to love my skin. I think now, I still do get conscious with my skin colour when it’s summer. I think it’s because I love how my skin is, I don’t want it lighter and I don’t want it darker. Also, if I get darker that means I have to buy a darker shade of foundation. I have a lot of relatives (titos, titas, parents) who always tell me to stay in the shade during the summer and I think because I basically grew up with them always telling me that, I subconsciously always stay in the shade when it’s sunny. But I do find that a lot of the older generations now still uphold that mindset that being lighter means being prettier. I have some titas who still offer me different skin whitening products and they always get shocked when I tell them I don’t want lighter skin. I’ve only had one facial feature of myself that I’ve felt insecure about which is my nose because it’s flat and ever since I was younger I had a lot of titos and titas saying my nose is “pango” and if I wanted it matangos/pointed nose, I had to pinch my nose every morning so that it could be pointy. And because this was when I was like 6 years old I vividly remember it and every morning for like a week, I actually pinched my nose so hard but like I gave up within that week because I just thought this would never work. I think to this day, I still can get insecure. I’d want a high bridge nose but I think since Filipinos naturally have a flatter nose, I’m not too bothered, like I do appreciate my flat button nose hahaha. Honestly, I’m much better and confident now like I truly do love my melanin skin! #MagandangMorenx

Wincel Pasco

The bravery of dark women has long gone untold, tucked away in the spines of dusty history books, in the dog-eared corners of each fold. We fought wars with our own skin before we were even sentient years old, because apparently dark women must bear more pain than their hearts were designed to hold. We searched many a Pantone colour chart to see how deep our pigments actually go, but clearly they were never good enough for a world enslaved by a fairer skinned glow. But trust me when I tell you thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a revolution about to unfold, because we are the hope that comes after terror, we are a sight to behold. Our colours will not be diluted into shades more convenient for you, our legacies will be legend, our stories will forever be told. We are goddesses cloaked as humans. We are dreams that come dipped in gold.

Dark Matters, Orin Begum

Growing up in a Filipino household, being morena was not considered as the ‘social norm’ in the Philippines. Having dark skin would normally be frowned upon or associated with less privileged. Whereas, being light/white skin means that you are wealthy and accepted in the social standards of society. As a kid, my relatives would always tell me to hide under the sun or try out whitening products which caused me to have insecurities and doubting my skin colour. I don’t know why this mindset still exists but it needs to be changed, especially in the Philippines. I guess the influence made in the media is also a big scapegoat e.g. advertising, fashion magazines, TV etc. Although there are some changes I’ve seen in the media that are promoting more POC, it’s still an ethical issue in some countries that are not as open-minded as others. Insecurities will never disappear as they always remain in our subconscious mind; they find a way to come crawling back. Growing up in the UK and being exposed to the lifestyle here has helped to broaden my perspective in life, to see diversity and shaped the woman I am today. Over time I’ve learnt to accept myself; for who I am and what I am.

Danelle Nichole So

I am proud to be brown I love my culture I love being able to dress in Indian wear I love the bright colours I never wish I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t brown.

Ravan Shokar

â&#x20AC;&#x153; My skin colour does not define who I am.â&#x20AC;? Monique Carandang

Growing up in a hot country, especially in an area rich in humidity, I was often exposed to the sun and this resulted in having dark skin. People from the Philippines are frequently exposed to the advertisement of whitening products and this gave girls in particular the urge to follow the trend of having glowing light skin. I moved to the UK at a very young age and since then, I’d merely get teased for how much darker I appeared to my peers and this would prompt other children from playgroups to exclude me. This also actually included my parents where they’d throw in sarcastic but funny comments about my skin colour; but that didn’t bother me and it was just ‘bants’ and of course my parents love me lol. I’d be trying whitening products here and there such as the famous ‘Papaya whitening soap bar’ that Titas and Titos bring from Philippines but the bar just doesn’t do shit to be honest. The biggest barrier I’ve come to face with my dark skin is that I would avoid going in the sun as much as I can, and this would include having to avoid gatherings with friends or standing in shade wherever possible. I’d see my friends encouraging me to join in but I’d be saying ‘it’s too hot’ or ‘it’s tooooo sunny guys’. However, as I’m growing up, it’s amazing to be able to appreciate the colour of my skin as it comes with great heritage. Having darker skin builds a foundation of courage and that I’m proud to be from the Philippines. My skin colour does not define who I am.

“Dark for a foreigner”

My experiences with skin bleaching is probably just like every other Filipino, constantly exposed to it without end. When I was a young child in the Philippines, I always got told that I was such a ‘light’ baby but then I was ‘too dark’ because I played outside a lot. When we moved to Italy, the latter childhood years were not so bad - but for about 5 months I experienced half a school year in the Philippines at 8 years old. It was probably the weirdest thing to be given a back handed comment, like ‘if you’re from abroad, why are you dark?’. Mind you, when we had gone back to Philippines - it was summertime in Italy. This means a 40°C average, daily. Of course, I’d become dark? We moved to the UK and later on my teens, I developed acne problems. I had voiced this frustration to my ex-godmother and she gave me skin products, but unbeknownst to me - they had skin bleaching in it. How did I find out? Well, I was a teen who blindly believed my senior’s advice. After a few weeks of washes, I had developed burn patches on my face. When I had confronted her about it - she just said, ‘Of course they have skin bleaching? You’re too dark so you need it’. Mama had suffered from skin bleaching before too, and had never said anything that would contribute to my already negative perspective of skin bleaching. I felt so disgusted and betrayed by my ex-godmother. How can you do that to a teenager who trusted you? Where was the consent?

My most recent experience would be when I went back to the Philippines in 2017. Can you believe that both strangers AND my family kept commenting as to why I was ‘dark’ for a foreigner? First of all, summertime here in the UK have somewhat gotten too warm and the area of the globe where we’re at has almost no ozone layer. Of course, I’d be dark. There’s no protection from the sun here! Other experiences in the same trip, I’d somehow be much more sexualised by the cat callers (disgusting, I know but Philippines). Due to my westernised background, if I’m surrounded by 35°C heat - I’m not wearing layers. So, I wore vests and shorts. The apparent ‘darkness’ made my boobs and butt stand out more by this sexualisation. It’s weird. Just too weird. Plus, I hate the fact that you cannot find even body lotion or deodorant that DOESN’T have whitening in it. It’s gross, it’s awful. Some random person even suggested for me to have a session with a glutathione drip. What the fck lol Filipino mindsets on colourism is awful and has to be changed ASAP. I’m happy with my skin colour but I wish I was a bit darker because I look pale af rn. Though there was a moment in time I wish I was more white passing because I am half Spanish after all, but just more Asian looking. #MagandangMorenx

Fides Dagongdong

My hair type growing up wasn't like how it is now. It used to be straight but as I grew older, it started to become really wavy by the roots and straight at the bottom. The fact that a stereotypical Filipino girl should have long, straight and shiny hair to look good, makes me feel conscious about how I look compared to others with naturally straight hair. My hair became my insecurity which made me use straighteners and I also have re-bonded my hair in the past. Currently, I still use straighteners from time to time but I have gotten to understand what works with my hair and what doesn't. And I also have accepted my natural hair. I just leave it most of the time now.

Mardie Evangelista

Illustration by Mardie Evangelista and Anchilla Francisco 23

I never got any pressure from my family. My mum always made me feel very beautiful. I felt colourism more with my guy friends who were black. They would always make comments about every other race being attractive except for dark skin black women. They would say this in front of me without even realising that that was not an okay thing to say to a dark skin woman. I relaxed (chemically straightened) my hair growing up out of convenience but I was glad to go back natural a few years ago. My hair is a big part of my identity. I think it’s an extension of my personality and I get to be creative with it. I’ve never had what the black community would call “good hair”. My hair isn’t super long and thick and my edges aren’t super full and it was something that made me feel a little insecure growing up. Not even from non-black people, because they don’t realise there’s anything wrong with my hair but more so from the black community.

Christy Nganjimi

Illustration by Aislinn Finnegan 26

Black I watch the world getting duller. So I’m not going to spend my life just Being a colour. I am imperfect, inevitably and permanently flawed That’s me, and I’m free. Either admire me from the ground Or fly with me. I’m running my own race In competition with no one. I set my own pace. My black is beautiful Letting no insecurities Ruin the beauty I was born with, Embracing myself So radiant and vivid It cannot be diluted Or be ignored. My black is beautiful From the cream of my skin To the coils of my hair To the curve of my lips My hips. From the cocoa of my eyes To the depth of my bosom To the strength in my stride My pride. From the rich glow of my smile To the lisp of my tongue My black is beautiful It cannot be denied Nor be contained And only I shall define it. For every place I venture This soul cries out “My black is beautiful”

Renpow

My hairâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s definitely a part of my identity to express myself. People only expect me to wear wigs to formal events because they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t consider my hair formal enough. In high school, I always felt like I had to get long extensions to fit in but not anymore because it hurts to get it done. My mum cut my hair in high school and everyone made fun of me so I guess not wearing extensions is a way of me taking back power.

Neusa Gimbi

Growing up, I used to care a lot about my hair. I used to wear it straight. I didn’t want to wear it out and people would even tell me they prefer it straight. I went to a predominately white school so the boys I liked would literally tell me to straighten my hair but recently, I’ve kind of like grown to myself like I wear mine out crazy. Like, my hair’s not even done right now. I don’t even care. I think getting dreads have been liberating for me and it’s just nice to embrace my hair. It’s become a part of my identity. I’ve embraced the hair that grows from my head and embraced people that wear wigs as well. Black women can literally do any styling they want and I like the individuality in our culture, like we just do different things. We’ve kind of taken control of our own media in a way that we put out what we want to see and I take in what I want to see. Whereas before, I used to follow pop culture and I used to do all those things and now, I don’t really idealise the Western standards. I just take in my own thing.

Victoria Daniels

Don’t touch my hair.. I know black girls Are always talking about Don’t touch my hair But I mean it sis Don’t touch my fucking hair You won’t go to the palace and touch the Crown Jewels This on my head my own Crown jewel No diamonds But to you still finery Itching to get your hands on this Luxury Luxury is what it is To touch is something you should ask Not just take You can’t touch my hair Just for touching sake You can’t touch my hair Just because to you It fascinates You can’t touch it Because it’s mine And well Because I said so My hair is For me and only me My hair is a symbol of my individuality But I thank you for admiration From a distance Is where your hands should be Because in reality My hair is mine It belongs to me You stand there and stare Just leave me alone Let my hair be

Michelle Eghan

Grow your forest

“She looks like a werewolf” I experienced my first share of insecurities in the first year when we migrated to the UK at 14 years old. I had recently just joined secondary school, I remember walking into my school and just feeling stripped. I knew everyone was staring at me and but I didn’t know why. Later on that day, I heard some guys mocking me saying “she looks like a werewolf with the moustache and the sideburns.” They asked me if I wanted to borrow their razors to shave. Suddenly, I started to feel abnormal, I felt ashamed. Before this I never really was aware of the dark hairs on my face especially on my upper lip, my hands and legs, I had migrated from India where it was pretty much normalised. All my friends had it, and we didn’t try to get rid of it. After weeks of kids teasing and laughing at me at school, I was desperate to just fit in and to feel normal. I remember I finally sneaked my mum’s bleach and bleached my face and my body, it itched and burned. After those attempts came many, many more - each with their own investment in time, money and pain. The removal doesn’t just make unwanted hair go away, it raises a whole new set of problems, particularly for women of colour. Coloured skin is more likely to scar as a result of trying to remove hair. I still have scars from when I burned my face from bleach. Over the years, I feel I’ve become more comfortable talking about this insecurity as I’ve figured out I’m not the only one. This is completely normal and some women have it more than others and that’s absolutely okay. Although even now, I physically feel uneasy when my moustache or unibrow are more visible than I’d like. However, there’s no denying I’ve come a long way in loving myself and accepting parts of me that I’ve made to feel ashamed of by the societies’ beauty standards. The biggest lesson I learned is that you can empower yourself - you can choose not to be a slave to something you hate or are ashamed of. If you hate the hair, remove it, or flip it and learn to love it. Whatever you choose to do, remember that other people can't decide what's right for you. You don't need anyone's approval for your body.

Milifya Marques

Self-portrait by Milifya Marques

I am not my hair

I am not this skin

I am not your expectations, no I am not my hair

I am not this skin

I am the soul that lives within India Arie

“Was it my fault for being black?” Udochukwu Emeka-Okafor

I’ve experienced colourism and discrimination countless of times. I remember auditioning for a role in one of my old drama school clubs when I was younger. It was between me and a mixed raced girl and I lost the role to her. The reason being is because she had a ‘prettier’ look - literally something that was said out loud during the decision process. I think I was about 11 or 12 when this happened, but it stuck with me and whether I knew it at the time or not, it was one of the moments that knocked my self-esteem. I didn’t really understand the impact of that situation and a lot of other situations up until recently. But as I got older and experienced more of this, I understood the colourist and discriminative mindset behind each experience. Furthermore, having modelled for a lot of shoots, I can tell you makeup is always a problem for black women. The makeup artist I’ve encountered are never equipped with makeup suitable for black people. For example, at a photoshoot last year I was sent to hair and makeup and the first thing the MUA said was, “Oh no, I knew this day would come”. Her disgruntled facial expression and lack of enthusiasm made me immediately uncomfortable and left me feeling bad about myself... as she found it hard to create makeup for my complexion. She complained to me throughout the makeup process, saying things such as “I don’t have your shade”, “this is so annoying”, “I hate this” etc. Was it my fault for being black? I would’ve expected an MUA to be equipped for a wide range of races. Moreover, there’s also been a lot of situations where I’ve been included in projects for the sake of ‘diversity clout’/ tokenism.

I’ve noticed colourism and discrimination I see in things around me also, such as movies. I see a lot of light skin, mixed-race actresses are chosen to play black characters, such as Yara Shahid in ‘The Sun Is Also A Star’ (in the book she was described as a dark skin black girl) and in the movie, she is not even fully black. However, in the movie, her family is black, which leaves me to wonder if the industry thinks we’re stupid?... Same with Zendaya in ‘The Greatest Showman. As we see she has a black brother in the film. I feel like we’ve been boxed into a corner with situations like this, as I’ve legit just noticed in all of these situations I never spoke up... it’s just the norm to take it, when we really shouldn’t. I’ve definitely accepted the way I look now; I’ve always been stubborn in the sense of being bold with my looks even in the face of adversity. Negative interactions like I mentioned before don’t really faze me anymore, yeah it might hurt a little but over time I’ve learnt how to build up my confidence/ self-love. I guess the support of my family and the experience taught me how to be strong. In general, the black community and just developing friendships with other races than white helped massively. I grew up in predominantly white areas, so it was harder back then. To be honest, at some point I got tired of being in that mental headspace and realized I deserve the same opportunities just as much as anyone else regardless of my colour (Lupita Nyong’o’s Oscar acceptance speech was a positive turning point for me also).

I’ve also been told my braids were distracting at school and I need to change my hairstyle...these were simple black braids so...I’ve been told my Afro is too big and I should try straightening it.

Shirt designed by Alysa Briones 46

“Can you open your eyes a little bit?” How does it feel to be a WOC in the modelling industry? What is it like? When I do anything to do with modelling like film or casting etc., I kinda forget that I’m an outcast, let’s say, or different to everyone else until they look at me differently or because of certain comments and that’s just normal. At first, it’s not nice because you’re kind of put on the spot. For example, my hair is kinda wavy so if I go to a casting, people say “Oh wow, your hair is really curly. How come it’s really curly? Asian people normally have straight hair.” And it’s like those comments. If I’m having a good day, I’ll laugh at it but if I’m having a bad day, it’s kind of intimidating. That’s how it goes. I don’t feel as so different to be a WOC but when there’s certain conversations or comments, it puts me on the spot. On a bad day, it makes me feel ashamed of what they’re picking on me about because obviously, modelling is all judgy for your appearance so you can’t even fight them for commenting on the way you look because you should be okay with it since you’re a model. But if it’s something that has to do with race or how I’m different from certain Asian stereotypes then I’m kind of embarrassed sometimes. It’s not a good thing to get used to because people shouldn’t make those comments in the first place or they should just hold back from saying them.

and then the photographer kept asking me, “Can we shoot that again, please? Can we shoot that again, please?” So I’m like alright, I’m doing the same thing; repeat, repeat, repeat and then after maybe 10 different shots, the same shot 10 times, he says, “Can you open your eyes a little bit? Can you open your eyes just a little bit?” So I’m like “okay.” I was so awkward at that time because so many people in the production crew were looking at me and I’m already thinking I’m doing something wrong because they made me do it 10 times. And then I realise that it’s just my eyes. I didn’t take it offensively and obviously, I played with it, I tried to open my eyes or whatever. And then he said, “Just a little bit more. Just a little more.” Like why didn’t he choose someone with bigger eyes? So no, not makeup artists but a photographer has said that to me before. It was hella awkward. It was my first time to experience anything like that and it was in front of so many people. You have to play it cool and you couldn’t even be upset in front of the camera. They just make me stronger throughout different occasions.

Have any makeup artists struggled to do your makeup? I’ve been really really fortunate because every time a makeup artist does my face, they all comment “Oh you have really good skin” or “Oh my God, I love your eye shape.” But honestly, I always found it as not my strong point; I don’t feel super confident with my eyes especially when I first started because I started modelling when I was 15. So then, I’m thinking my eyes are small and obviously some photographers love for you to laugh so, sometimes when I look back on the pictures, I’m like, “Where are my eyes?” But no makeup artist has actually said anything racist to me per se, about my eye shape or my skin. They actually like the way I look. I kind of got comfortable with my eyes as time went on as well and felt “Oh my God, maybe it is a nice shape.” But there was this one time when I did a campaign, it was my first makeup campaign. It was a video shoot, so I was doing me, feeling confident 49

Has modelling ever lowered your self-esteem? I wouldn’t even say racist comments but the entire modelling industry sometimes gives me anxiety or I’ll question myself but I think that’s gonna be a constant thing. If you’re anything to do with an influencer, model or like a celebrity in general somebody who’s in the public eye, I think you’ll always battle through what you think you should be and what everyone else thinks you should be, and also the trend of what’s good right now. There’s like three different battles to battle through. As a normal person, forget my title of being a model, do you not feel like when you’re on Instagram and you see somebody post something, you’re like, “Oh that’s cute” but you repeatedly see something and then you start thinking, “I kinda wanna do this” and you do it but it’s not the same. You kinda criticise it because it’s not the same, and then you think whether you do it as good. I do that as well. Honestly, your body, your makeup skills or hair etc. you’ll just pick on yourself about something. Although I feel confident with who I am and the way I look, I’ll still criticise myself thinking “I wanna do that” or “why am I not like this.” I think that’s a constant thing where you just have to age to get comfortable with who you really are. I think it’s so normal. Like anyone, not even with a title, but people who are in front of other people will probably get the comments and feedback more. If I just try it in my bedroom, I’ll know no one’s gonna know but if I did it and then posted it or didn’t post it then people will say something or I’ll feel a type of way about not feeling so confident, and then maybe that’ll affect my next day at work or whatever. Do you have any words for girls like you that want to model or for all girls in general? The first thing that came into my head is self-confidence. I think when you begin, there’s no validation anywhere so you just have to have confidence. You’re not gonna get validation before you do something so you need to get from sitting on your bed to getting something. For that period, you just got yourself and the best way to think is not to think, and just do it. If you think it’s too much, you’re gonna get reluctant and self-criticising so if you wanna do any modelling or take pictures, any creative stuff, just do it. Don’t think.

Tia Xiao

Drawing by Precious Abesamis

I think my nose matches my face and is a signifier of my heritage. I think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s clear to see the benefits/appeal of Eurocentric facial features but recently or over maybe the past decade, there has been more solidarity between WOC and being proud of their heritage!

Jassinta Carr

SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO

WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT

I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have big round eyes

I have big lips

I am black

I am dark

I have a big nose

I am not clean-shaven

I have curly hair

I have a flat nose I have kinky hair I have dry hair

I am brown I have wavy hair

I have coily hair

I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have double eyelids I have an uneven skin tone

I have thick hair

???

UPCOMING DESIGNER Laura Kadhani

What was the inspiration behind The Oreo? I’m kind of a conceptual designer. I love the idea of taking social issues and concepts in society that are kind of taboo and people don’t really like to touch on. I remember we were having a discussion in our house and we’ve got one friend that we kind of call an ‘Oreo’. Although she’s black, she has what we deem called white attributes because she eats certain things or does certain things; certain things that are kind of under the catalogue of what people say is white. And I thought that was so interesting because it’s normally black people that call other black people ‘Oreos’. Why have we built this term up? What makes somebody white and somebody black? And it just went on from there. What is your favourite part about being a designer? I love the idea of being constantly inspired by something that helps you translate it into a design, such as seeing a movie and thinking “oh wow, how cool would it be to take inspiration from that and build it into a collection” which I’ve literally done with my final collection. It’s like a constant challenge because you always think “how can I make that into a design? Would it be readable to an audience when they look at it and then they see where you’re coming from.” Just those kinds of things, just the idea that it’s a challenge, that it’s constantly inspiring. You always see other people’s work as well and you’re thinking “oh wow, how do they produce that?” so it always keeps your mind running and I think that’s the most enjoyable part.

What is Nakai Collections and what does it mean to you? Nakai is like my little brand that I started in 2nd year. I wanted to have an idea of how it would be running a small business/hustle whilst at university. I got into making bonnets during that summer after first year and I thought “how cool would it be if I created it out of African attire and what would I call it?” I was sitting with my parents and we were just brainstorming. I’m originally from Zimbabwe and we were just brainstorming Shona words, which is the language that we speak, and Nakai came around. Nakai means to beautiful in Shona. How cool would it be to make these beautiful bonnets that make you feel dressed up whilst at home and whilst you’re cleaning, so that’s how Nakai came around. Nakai’s an accessories brand that allows women to be in touch with themselves to feel and be beautiful. How do you want women to feel when wearing your clothes? When it comes to Nakai it’s definitely about feeling comfortable in your own skin. When it comes to my own brand, it’s definitely owning who you are and your confidence. I feel like my clothes are empowering - when a woman puts it on, they feel like a ‘boss bitch’. I want that. Sometimes, when you put something on and you look at yourself in the mirror and you are like ‘yesss!’ I want people to feel the same when they wear my clothes and feel ‘in yourself’ and who you want to be.

Designed, styled and photographed by Laura Kadhani

How do you feel about being a designer of colour? Do you feel extra pressure such as getting jobs or improving representation? At the end of last year, I went to a networking event and there was a designer there and I asked, “How do you deal with the challenges of being a woman of colour in the design space? Do you feel pressure? How do you go around it feeling like you’re not enough?“ She turns around and says stuff but at first, I kind of took it as an attack. I felt like ‘how is she saying that? We’re both black, you’re supposed to understand my struggle’. She said: “Listen, you are a designer before you’re anything else first. Although, yes you’re black and there are pressures that come with it, own the fact that you are a designer and be confident. The moment you worry about being black, you’re gonna think it is not going to be as easy for you or as good. As a designer, as long as you are confident in that you’ve produced your best work and have tried as hard as you can, the rest of it doesn’t matter as much because that’s your talent and who you are. People shouldn’t think ‘she’s black, therefore, that’s why her work is like this.’” At first, I thought it doesn’t make sense because by default I’m black. It is what it is. I don’t see how you can detach yourself from that but when you look at different companies, you don’t look at the fact that they are ‘this and that’. But in the same light, I also feel it’s definitely important to embrace that I am a Black designer because it’s not something I have grown up with. I remember when I wanted to go into designing, I was looking for inspiration, there was never any designers that stood out that had done amazing work and have been given the press for it. You had to really search for them. So, as a designer who is of colour, representation is always important. It’s good to show what you’re doing because it will inspire somebody else that wants to be in your position in the future. What advice would you give to young aspiring designers like you? Be you and don’t compare yourself. Do what you feel you want to do because once you embrace it and run with it, you can really do whatever you want to accomplish in life.

One of the beauty standards in Japan is you need to have light skin. They literally say the word ‘white’. They want white skin and people go to the extremes of wearing gloves so they don’t get suntanned when they go bike riding. They have so many sun visors to protect their face. They don’t like sunspots so you can get them removed. I think it’s because Asian people are more likely to get sunspots so that’s why they’re more careful. I get my sunspots so quickly compared to other people. Because I grew up in an international school, I was always like “I want a tan”; more and more influenced by this kind of culture but I realised how bad sun is for you but I wouldn’t go to the extremes of wearing gloves and stuff to look whiter. I just want to do it because it’s better for my skin because it’s so bad to suntan and I also don’t want sunspots on my face. Everyone is obsessed with having a small face. They love those face rollers, which I get and they also love big eyes so I was blessed but I think everyone’s eye types are beautiful. I’m happy that I got my grandpa’s eyes. Typically, when I go back home, people don’t think I’m Japanese. People think I’m half Japanese mixed with something or they don’t think I’m that Japanese. But I’m full Japanese.

Shion Sasahara

If you want to change something about yourself, do it for you. Not for others. 67

Painting by Kathleen Mae Laugo

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