“Attitude is everything.” Everyday sitting in my high school senior English class I read those words posted on the sign above the white board. That short sentence still flashes through my memories six years later as I try to live life with a positive attitude. That short quote became a motto for my life as a senior when I served as one of the team captains on my high school football team. Growing up in a small Nevada town afforded me opportunities I do not think I could have experienced living in a city. As a senior on my high school football team, I served as one of the team captains. After having a rough pre-season our team became state champions in Nevada 2A Football that year. This became one of my proudest moments in life. The quote hanging on the wall in my English classroom came alive in my heart’s life—attitude is everything. That game would not have been won without my team’s winning attitude. I often reflect on that game, our circumstances, weaknesses, strengths and team unity to map out my own life, get through difficult times, excel, and become a winner. That short sentence, attitude is everything, still flashes through my memories six years later as I try to live life with a positive attitude.
Later in life, during my sophomore year at Brigham Young University, I discovered a passion for healthcare administration. I attended a conference where I heard Dr. Len Novilla, a public health professor at BYU, tell the sacrifices her mother made for her family while growing up in the Philippines. Dr. Novilla spoke of memories of her mother, who was in poor health, sacrificing all she could to provide for her family. Touched by her story, I dreamed of the idea of going into the healthcare industry. I already had a passion for business; I had established an interest for the healthcare field while volunteering;due to volunteerism, and I knew healthcare administration was a great integration of these two fields. Armed with greater desire, I beganaspired to become a healthcare leader. an aspiration of becoming a healthcare leader. FolksPeople like Dr. Novilla’s mother deserve exceptional healthcare so people like her may live long lives and continue to be a positive influence for others. I care for people and sincerely want to be a contributor to their health. I am confident ______ University will prepare me sufficiently for success in today’s health care marketplace and adequately build upon my decision-making and leadership capabilities. As ___ University is a CAMHE accredited program, I am assured that the MHSA program is exceptional and fosters the high quality professional education I desire. My undergraduate experience has properly prepared me for higher education. I have been engaged in rigorous coursework, have demonstrated a commitment to healthcare, having haveparticipated in many hours of volunteer and internship work, and have never ceased my promise to learn. I live by the educational philosophy, “Enter to learn, go forth to serve.” The following story portrays this philosophy: I innocently overheard a conversation between a student and the professor at the end of a class. The student approached the professor and asked what she needed to do in order to get an A. I immediately ceased listening to the conversation having been overwhelmed by the
Comment [KH1]: I know this isn’t a thesis driven essay, but if you are going to start out with this quote, I would use it throughout somehow and refer back to it in the end to tie the whole piece together. Comment [KH2]: I would move this sentence to the end of the next paragraph so you are not moving from senior year to six years later back to telling a memory six years earlier. It helps the reader moving clearly through time. Comment [KH3]: Bigger city? Town vs the city? Comment [KH4]: I am a little confused at the wording heart’s life. Comment [KH5]: You make the connection to attitude here, but I would somehow tie the last paragraph to the next one starting with attitude so your reader can see the connection of where you are going with your football experience in relation to attitude. Comment [KH6]: I know this isn’t a thesis driven essay, but if you are going to start out with this quote, I would use it throughout somehow and refer back to it in the end to tie the whole piece together. Comment [KH7]: This needs a better connection with the last paragraph. How do these ideas go together? Comment [KH8]: How and why were you touched. Why did that make you want to go into healthcare. They will want to know why that was a defining moment. Comment [KH9]: Did you know that before the experience with Dr. Len Novilla? If not that I would put felt because you were just beginning to see that healthcare administration would be a good choice. Comment [KH10]: Because of the experience with Dr. Len Novilla? Comment [KH11]: They might ask the question why specifically people like her deserve good healthcare? Why not everyone? Comment [KH12]: I would talk about how you feel this particular university will help you fulfill that desire to help people like Dr. Novilla’s mother. Make a connection between that desire and why that particular university can fulfill that for you.
Comment [KH13]: How does this tie back to your beginning statement about attitude?
glutsurplus of thoughts coming into my mind. Did she want to know the minimal amount of work to get an A? On the other hand, was she sincere and not sure what the teacher expected of her? My intention at ____ University is not to do the minimum amount of excellent work, but to demonstrate my curiousness of learning as a student in the MHSA program so I may be better equipped to serve those in the healthcare field. My goal at ____ University is to prepare to play the critical role of a healthcare leader who creates a health system that allows clinicians to deliver state-of-the-art patient care at the highest possible efficiency. Majoring in public health gave mehas given me exposure in topics I did not know would become my most passionate subjects of interest. This past summer I was enrolled in a health systems class. I conducted extensive research on the topic of strengthening the relationship between hospitals and physicians utilizing systems thinking tools and strategies for transformational change in health systems. I am interested in not only applying systems thinking to these specific groups, but also in varying degrees to many organizations within health systems. This ranges from groups as small as families to larger congregations of entire communities and national ministries of health. Currently, I am working with my former professor in getting my research published. I am eager to research and learn all I can about engaging health organizations with the perception of using a “system’s thinking” approach. The diversity of my experiences has significantly prepared me to participate in curriculum that will contribute to my success at _____ University. Through a variety of positions I have used self-initiative and creativity to bring positive results. I have demonstrated the capacity to work effectively alone and in teams designing and executing plans. While an administrative intern for MountainStar Healthcare, I successfully completed projects with other interns, clinicians, and department managers in strategic planning, public relations, and enhancing office efficiency. For example, I demonstrated my leadership skills in this position by organizing a community health fair for diabetics to learn how to better treat their chronic disease. I reached out to local doctors who volunteered their time to teach these classes. During this project I proved my dependability, good judgment, and character. These values were quickly recognized and I was asked to serve as the administrative intern coordinator for the hospital. My attitude and professionalism is communicated through my confidence, maturity, and competence. I currently hold this position and am responsible for overseeing all interns of the hospital. It has been my pleasure serving in this capacity as I help mentor and serve other interns and the community. This opportunity has reinforced my decision to pursue a career as a hospital administrator. In a separate responsibility, I serve as vice president of the BYU Healthcare Management Association. As a club officer, I am dedicated to helping students learn more about healthcare administration and encourage them to take advantage of opportunities to networking with professionals in the field. I have the unique opportunity to attend weekly conferences where health executives from all over the United States discuss the most pressing issues in the healthcare industry. A common theme spoken by our speakers, including Rulon Stacey and Britt Berrett, is the importance of obtaining a firm foundation in hospital finance, health policy, and
Comment [KH14]: There is a gap here about what this experience taught you. Fill in the details. Did this make you realize that you didn’t want to be this kind of student or glad that you lived by a different philosophy then what is the last amount of work I can do for an A? How can they rely that this situation had lead you to be a better student at their university? Comment [KH15]: Tie this back to your earlier statement. Is it your work ethic or commitment to excellence that you feel will make this possible for you? How does those two ideas in this paragraph go together? Comment [KH16]: Like what? How have they become your passion?
strategic planning. One of the reasons I seek to pursue the MHSA degree from this University, is its curriculum aligns with what today’s industry leaders believe is essential for success. I am confident in making my career as a healthcare executive happen. I have set clear goals and am on an unwavering path to achieve them. In January I will be joining the ACHE as a student member and within 5 years obtain my FACHE certification. Being an active member in this association will better prepare me for my career and allow for the extension of my acquired talents to others.
Comment [KH17]: How so?
Dedication to the communities I have lived in has molded me into the person I am today. In addition to obtaining my Eagle Scout award, I have participated as an assistant in the Emergency Room, have been an active public health advocate and educator, and will soon begin an intern position for Intermountain Healthcare in their Communities Outreach department. Involvement in these opportunities has been an intellectual and character enlarging experience, but more important is what I have learned from them. I have learned that not only is service the price you pay to live in this world, but also allows you to forget about yourself and provides the reminder of how fortunate you are. Being located in the heart of the nation’s capital, George Washington University, is in an ideal location to be involved with the current discussions of health reform, policy, and innovation. I will be a positive addition to ____ University because of my educational background at Brigham Young University, my leadership qualities, and the professional development I have acquired from work and service. I believe ____ University is the best place for me to realize my dreams and achieve my goals. Thank you in advance for your consideration.
Comment [KH18]: I think what will really help your essay come together in the coherent way you want, is have a theme that goes throughout that will help each separate piece of your essay come together in some way. The attitude start is great, but if you are going to bring up something you base your life by (like attitude or the BYU motto) make sure you connected it throughout your life experiences to really demonstrate how that theme has become a part of your life. Really great start Tim. Let me know if you have anymore questions or if I can help with anything. Great Job!