13 minute read
Help Kids Face Fears
FACING FEARS
It’s late at night, long past bedtime, when you hear little feet heading down the hallway (again), followed by a small voice that says, “I can’t go back to sleep—I’m afraid of the dark!” Children can be afraid of many different things—some are real things like darkness or heights, and some are imaginary things like monsters and goblins. None of these fears is uncommon to experience during childhood, and at some point, most parents will need to help their children learn to manage their fears.
Fears may arise because of obvious situations in your child’s life, or they may seem to suddenly appear out of nowhere. Even the fears that might not have an easy explanation are worth helping your child overcome, because often these fears may have surfaced courtesy of other things that are going on in their lives. Unexplained fears may be the way your child is communicating with you. Remember, not all communication happens with words.
Whether your child fears being alone, hearing loud noises, going to the doctor or something else, there are ways to help. Coping with fears can be difficult. If you and your children can work together to find ways to move past the fear—prior to their exhibiting a fight or flight response or extreme feelings— that’s great. If not, help them to calm down first then move toward a solution together. Below, you’ll find some ways to help open up a conversation with anxious or scared kids. These conversations can facilitate mindset changes and growth that can eventually help them to overcome their fears.
Take the fears seriously. Even if your child is fearful of something that seems silly to you, keep in mind it’s not silly to him! Saying “that’s not something to worry about” or “you have nothing to be scared of” won’t help the situation. In fact, it might cause your child to think you don’t believe what he says—and make him less likely to come to you with his fears in the future.
Reframe the fear. Kids have a more limited understanding of the world than adults, and they may have a hard time grasping that some of their fears are irrational. If your young child is scared of the vacuum, help her think of it in another way. Instead of “I’m afraid of a vacuum!” have her express what about the vacuum scares her. If the fear of the vacuum becomes “I don’t like the loud noise” or “I’m worried my toys will get sucked into it forever,” that’s the first step to reframing her thought process. After this step, it’s easier to break down her specific fears into smaller pieces and give more information about each one until she feels safe.
Address unspoken fears. Fears might show up as unexpected behavior. A child may not be able to articulate that he is feeling scared, because he might not even realize it himself! To open the conversation, talk about the things you’ve noticed that seem to make your kids anxious. A child who refuses to join her friends at a pool party may really be afraid of drowning. You could say to her, “I’ve noticed lately that you’re hesitant to be in the water. Can we talk about that?” Once children can identify the fear feeling for themselves, it will be easier to make a plan and move past it.
Research the fears. Is your child scared of thunder? Do some research with him about weather and storms, so he has a better understanding of where the scary sound comes from. If she’s afraid of the dark, look up how light is produced. Gathering information can help kids see the bigger picture of what’s going on and naturally lessens the fear that they feel.
Take small steps to reach big goals. To a child, any fear can feel the size of a mountain. Rather than asking kids to climb the whole mountain and get past the fear at once, take time to involve them in a discussion and make a plan for small steps that will lead toward the ultimate goal of beating the fear. Your children can help set the pace for how soon they will try each next step toward their goal. Make sure not to shame them or make them feel bad if they need to work on a step longer than anticipated! Helping them feel safe as they work toward their goals will enable them to keep moving forward. Remember also to reward your children as they overcome each small step. Research their love languages and come up with rewards that will be the most encouraging to them!
Let your children be their own heroes. Don’t rescue your kids from their fears. Instead, empower them to make choices to be brave and overcome the fears themselves! You’ll be there to help them along the way, of course, but ultimately, they need to be able to move past the fear on their own. Believe in them and tell them you believe they can do it! If you have a positive mindset about it, they’re more likely to be positive, as well.
Don’t be afraid to get help. If your child suffers from fears that interfere with daily life or experiences intense or very persistent worries, keep in mind that you can seek additional help. If something is inhibiting kids’ ability to do the things they love, it may be time to set up a consultation with a professional counselor or therapist who can give you and your youngsters tools to work toward a solution. It’s always a good idea to seek help if your child is exhibiting disruptive behavior, withdrawing from activities (or friends and family) or having panic attacks.
The ideas here can help your children reach a place where they are able to separate their anxieties from what they know to be true. Everyone experiences fears from time to time, but kids may not have realized that yet. So don’t avoid their fears. Rather, acknowledge them and teach your child how fears can be managed. Together, you’ll be well on your way to a less worried life.
Julie McKinley is a single homeschooling mom, freelance writer and theater teacher. She lives with her two cats and two kids in Lee’s Summit.
gardening benefits of with kids
the warmer months have arrived, and if your family is anything like mine, you are ready to spend as much time outside as possible soaking up the sun and enjoying nature. Sunshine itself is sure to lighten the mood, and using the outdoor opportunity to plant flowers and vegetables can be rewarding for your entire family—and a great learning experience for your kids. Here are some long-term benefits of gardening for you and your entire family.
Family bonding time
Gardening is a great way to get kids involved in a project the whole family can do together. Planting flowers and vegetables gives everyone a chance to set aside electronics, enjoy the fresh air and work together on a family project. You’ll have a chance to see your kids explore new sensations as they dig in the dirt, plant seeds and water their vegetation. “I started when my daughter was very little. It took some time, but we now have it down,” says Michelle Lyons, mom of three. “It is actually quite bonding for us. At this point, we both know our parts and we just put on our gloves and go.” The best family bonding usually happens when everyone is working on a shared goal.
Education
Gardening is a great way to teach your kids about nature, science and math. They will learn how plants grow, how to identify plants by name, how to measure spacing for planting and how to protect your garden. You can take the lessons one step farther and check out books from the library about gardening, watch an educational video or visit a community garden to learn more about plants and flowers. Some families also find that starting a compost bin helps their kids learn about the environment and how our waste affects it. The compost gives your garden a natural boost, as well as reducing waste.
Life lessons
In the process of starting and caring for your garden, your children will have the opportunity to learn the value of hard work, the importance of patience while waiting for their seeds to grow and the responsibility of caring for the garden each day. They’ll also be rewarded with the fruits—or vegetables—of their labor. “We took our daughter to the nursery and let her pick out a flowering plant that she could grow in a pot,” says Amy Cameron, Olathe mom of three. “She was responsible for taking care of it and even named it!” The best life lessons often happen when you don’t know you are learning them.
Healthy eating habits
The best reason to plant and take care of a garden is the reward of tasting your crop. Kids who would normally turn up their noses at tomatoes, bell peppers or cucumbers are much more likely to give them a try if they have planted, cared for and watched the food grow themselves. Cultivating a love of eating healthy fruits and vegetables at a young age is a great way to encourage lifelong healthy eating habits.
No one will tell you that planting and caring for a garden is easy, but most will say it is well worth the effort when you are able to harvest your own fresh produce or flowers to enjoy. “My best advice is to take it slow,” says Jessica Schaben. “It’s so easy to overdo it and become overwhelmed. As soon as it becomes more work than fun, it’s easy to give up. Once you have established a few vegetables, add one or two more. A plentiful garden takes patience and time, but it’s worth the wait.”
Sarah Lyons is a freelance writer and stayat-home mom living in Olathe with her husband and their six children.
Tips to Get Your Garden Growing
• Start small and be realistic. You can’t expect to plant a garden and leave it.
You will need to water, weed and prune your plants. All of this takes time. Find a good balance that matches your lifestyle. • Find a sunny spot. Vegetables need full sun to grow. Plan your garden in an area that gets a good amount of sunshine.
• Plant things you enjoy eating.
You may be able to grow radishes and tomatoes easily, but if your family doesn’t enjoy eating them, you’ll be wasting time and money. Choose vegetables you know your family will love. • Do your research. There are plenty of videos, books and articles about how to garden. Find out what will work best for your space, climate and time commitment before planting.
Visit Family Tree Nursery or Colonial
Gardens to talk with their experts on what will work best in your space.
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BROKEN BONES 101
Broken bones are scary—for kids and their parents. But broken bones, or fractures, are surprisingly common in young children. According to NationwideChildrens.org, as many as 50 percent of boys and 40 percent of girls experience broken bones. A bone breaks when more force is put on the bone than it can handle. There are many different types of fractures, but these are some of the more typical ones you might see in children: • Open fracture: The break pokes through the skin. • Closed fracture: The break does not come through the skin. • Non-displaced: The bone breaks, but the parts are still aligned. • Displaced: The bone breaks, but the parts are not aligned. • Growth plate fracture: A break happens in the part of the bone responsible for new growth.
While there are many different types of fractures, there are also many different bones in a child’s body that have the potential to be broken, as well as a variety of ways to do so. Dr. Michelle DePhillips, a pediatric emergency doctor at Children’s Mercy, says, “Fractures we commonly encounter in the emergency department are forearm and elbow fractures. These can be caused by falling onto an outstretched arm or falling directly onto the arm such as falling off a bike, monkey bars or bed, or tripping and falling while running. We also frequently see lower leg fractures from falls or trampoline injuries.”
Knowing whether or not your child has broken a bone is not always easy. The site might be red or swollen and tender to the touch, or your child may favor or refrain from using that part of his body. “It was the hardest decision whether or not to take our 4-year-old for x-rays for fear the experience would cause more distress than needed. However, when she asked for help eating fruit snacks, I knew we needed to go!” says Jillian, Overland Park mom of three.
Children’s bones are continuously growing, so they heal more quickly and can repair over time if they heal crooked. Oftentimes, fractures in children can be managed with a cast instead of surgery. While the process can be challenging for children, Jana, an Olathe mom of three, says, “CMH talked him through each step so there were no surprises. They also provide great online videos for casting that we watched, which helped to prepare us before going in.”
Adjusting to life with a broken bone, and potentially a cast, can be challenging. “While the nurse fully prepared and educated us on caring for our daughter and easing her through the pain, I was not prepared for the lack of sleep, discomfort and frustrations there would be with a soft cast. Getting her hard cast really helped. Once she accepted it, she felt more confident and found a new way to function. We also opted for the cast that could get wet, which was a nice feature so we didn’t have to wrap it to take a bath,” says Jillian. If you are not given an option for a cast that can get wet, Kathleen, an Overland Park mom of three, shares this tip: “Wrap the cast in Press’n Seal and push down into the cast. Then put the broken limb in a trash bag to protect it from water.”
Having a child with a broken bone can be scary, inconvenient and difficult to manage, but the good news is children’s little bones heal much faster than an adult’s bones. Jillian says, “I think the biggest advice I can give is following your gut. You know your child better than anyone, so do what gives you comfort. Be prepared to be persistent and advocate for your child!”
Julie Collett lives in Overland Park with her four children and is hoping she doesn’t jinx herself when she says no one has ever had a broken bone!
As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.
