TIPS FOR NAVIGATING FOOD ALLERGIES WITH CHILDREN

Learning your child has food allergies can yield a huge sense of relief, but it can also evoke extreme responses of fear, grief or guilt. It’s possible to run the gamut of emotions at any given time depending on how debilitating or impactful these allergies may be. Take a moment to unpack these reactions.

Fear

For Olathe mom Melissa Schmidt, serious allergies are something she knows all too well. Her secondborn, Jonathan, experienced extreme eczema as a baby because of allergies. When taking a diagnostic food allergy test at 2, he had an anaphylactic reaction to peanuts, requiring epinephrine. Seeing Jonathan’s peanut reaction induced a huge amount of fear for both mom and son. It didn’t stop there. Years later, Schmidt discovered that both she and her firstborn, Nicholas, also had celiac disease. She joined an area support group, which helped her to navigate a series of unknowns, but her concerns for her boys’ long-term health remained.

“I wondered what kind of wedding cake Nicholas would be limited to, and I knew both boys would need to find a future wife that would be willing to shoulder their allergies as if they were their own,” Schmidt shared. Jonathan, now married, has a wife who does just that, avoiding contact with peanuts as if her own life were on the line.

Anxiety can be a common first response to allergies, whether it’s because of the allergy’s severity, the unknown variables or just the initial impact of how much research awaits you. Because there can be such a learning curve initially—scouring ingredient lists for trigger items both within food and household product labels, determining which restaurants have safe items or might be off the table, teaching your child how to advocate for his own health—it’s important that you extend grace to yourself and your child in the process.

It’s also important for both parents and children to seek out support. A 2019 Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America study indicated that an overwhelming threequarters of parents of children with food allergies feel fear and anxiety as a direct result, while over 82% think about their child’s allergy all the time. Additionally, the study determined that the emotional impact that food allergies had was felt more in parents of children 13 and older than on the children themselves. Loneliness only compounds the challenge of dealing with allergies, but on the flip side, finding “your people” (the ones who are also familiar with navigating a life with food allergies) can be a tremendous reassurance. This support can come in the form of a social media support group or an in-person community group. Many families can find such groups already formed through their local hospital systems. Food allergy friends can provide camaraderie and insight, providing feedback when planning things like vacations or handling holidays with non-allergy-sensitive family and more. And there’s nothing like one of those friends to share empathy when your child is dealing with a flare-up or reaction.

Grief

For author and self-trained chef Danielle Walker, finding out the foods she loved were killing her was a punch to the gut in more than one way. Birthed into a rich Italian heritage that included long-preserved family recipes, Walker’s fondest memories included learning how to cook alongside her grandmother. Family affairs were big events that centered on food, and Walker couldn’t wait to one day get married, start a family and continue the tradition. But at 22, Walker was diagnosed with an extreme form of ulcerative colitis that landed her in and out of the hospital. The foods that were front and center in her life could easily set off her autoimmune disease, and medication alone wasn’t enough to stave off the symptoms. Her illness might have jeopardized her physical health, but she was not about to let it steal her opportunities to make memories around the table with her beloved friends and family. On the other side of grieving what she could no longer eat, Walker committed herself to finding ways to recreate guthealthy versions of her favorite comfort foods. Her husband’s encouragement to post her recipes on her blog Against All Grain ended up building a worldwide community of hope for millions that suffer with autoimmune diseases, chronic ailments and food allergies. She has since gone on to write three New York Times best-selling cookbooks and, more recently, an autobiography appropriately titled Food Saved Me.

Grief is a natural response to loss. And with allergies, there are losses. Losses of foods and the comfort and memories they bring. And loss of connection with others if friends and family are eating things your child can’t. Many don’t understand until later that allergies can equally affect relationship with others as much as they do a relationship with food, because eating together is such a communal experience. This may go as far as impacting special events such as birthday parties, school celebrations or holidays such as Halloween, Valentine’s Day or Easter.

Allow your child to grieve. After all, some food allergies can be to things kids crave the most, so it’s only natural to feel sorrow! Consider creative solutions together for tackling sticky social situations. Let your child shop for a fun allergy-friendly alternative to take to a party if they know that nothing offered will be something they can have.

Guilt

When my firstborn was a preschooler, he dealt with terrible stomach issues. Based on what I knew at the time, I figured he needed more fiber coming in the form of whole grain. I offered him whole wheat toast, crackers and pasta, thinking it would help. What I would later find out was that he was gluten intolerant, and I was actually feeding the problem.

It turns out I’m not alone. Psychologist Paige Freeman is a parent of a child with food allergies and counsels families navigating the same waters. She encourages parents to be kind to themselves, noting that the degree of vigilance required is extraordinarily high. Aim to give yourself the same amount of empathy and patience that you would to a friend. She also suggests family members give themselves flexibility to go on outings in different groups, meaning those that don’t have allergies can have a broader depth of experiences while others get individualized attention. Develop clear boundaries with family and friends who hold different thoughts about precautions than you do and avoid food-based interactions completely if necessary. And if you find yourself dealing with significant anxiety despite your best efforts, find a therapist who is food-allergy informed.