Optimistic Families

from KC Parent magazine July 2023

CREATE YOUR TRADITIONS!

ARE THEY BORN OR MADE?

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! If you’re happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it. If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!

This little song has been delighting children for generations. There’s no way you can’t smile while singing it, and it reminds us that happiness comes from within and we all deserve to have a positive outlook, no matter what. But as we travel deeper into adulthood, our outlook is affected by life events, worries and health and relationship matters. How do we keep gloom from dimming our outlook and casting a shadow on our kids, too? There are actually many happiness habits we can cultivate in our family life that will lift our spirits and let some optimism shine in.

First of all, smile! You naturally tend to smile when you’re happy, but it’s actually a two-way street. Smiling causes the brain to release dopamine, which makes us happier. Researchers attribute the link between smiling and happiness to the facial feedback hypothesis that posits facial expressions may have a modest influence on emotions. Don’t just put a fake smile on your face, though. Simply start each morning by smiling at yourself in the mirror and at your loved ones. Your children will learn by your example.

Another way to be happier is to exercise, which helps both reduce stress, feelings of anxiety and depression, and boost self-esteem and happiness. Consider a walk around the block after dinner or sign up for a yoga class. Start your day with five minutes of stretching. Try dancing around the kitchen while you do your dishes. And breathe … deeply! Slow breathing and deep breathing exercises can help you reduce stress. Teach your kids to close their eyes and envision a happy memory or beautiful place.

Try to get plenty of sleep. It is vital to good health, brain function and emotional well-being.

Make sure everyone starts to slow down before bedtime. Turn off the TV and phone, read to your kids, and keep their bedrooms dark, cool and quiet.

The food you eat affects your mood. Although carbohydrates release serotonin, keep foods high in sugar and starch to a minimum. Veggies, beans and whole grains help you avoid a crash while still providing serotonin. Lean meat, poultry, legumes and dairy are high in protein, which releases dopamine and boosts energy and concentration. Consider adding a new food swap each week and get your kids involved. Practice gratitude. Simply being grateful can give your mood a big boost! Find one thing to be grateful for every day. Show your kids how to find happy things throughout their day, even when the day has had its challenges. For example, they might have been late to school, but they got an A on a paper or shared a snack with their good friend. Become more aware of the positive things around you—including people. Compliment them! There is something about making someone else feel better that promotes your own well-being. Teach your kids to encourage others.

Bad things will happen, it’s just part of life. Acknowledge the feeling of unhappiness and then practice some of your happy techniques. A long walk outside or talking it over with someone helps. Another great habit is to start a journal with your kids. Try writing down a few thoughts before bedtime. If they have a stressful thought, shred the paper when they’re done, so the thought is gone.

A big way to improve your life is to avoid comparing yourself to others. This is more important than ever in this age of social media, where everybody’s posted life looks better than it probably is. Your children should learn that they are perfect as they are, and to feel they are enough. Also important is surrounding yourselves with optimistic, encouraging people, not naysayers who are always bringing up drama and unnecessary challenges to your spirit.

Make your bed every day and explain to your children that when their space is uncluttered, they will be calmer and happier. Set a timer and spend 15 minutes tidying up a certain area. Put everything in its place and toss or give away extra clutter.

Plan your week together. When children know that on Tuesday they have baseball practice and Friday they are going to a movie, they will have a sense of purpose. Looking forward to things is a great pleasure point.

Get outside together. Plant flowers, go to the park or grow vegetables. Fresh air has a positive effect always.

Give back. Have your children learn this by putting clothes that are too small for them in a bag and taking them to the Salvation Army donation bin. Develop a lifelong habit of this, and it will make everyone happier.

Make sure you all have your yearly checkups. Keeping healthy is a sure way to avoid stress and worry. Get their vision checked, see a dentist for an oral cleaning and get their annual physical.

Let go of grudges. Teach your children to forgive—and forget, when possible.

It is a lifelong goal for all of us, and it certainly can be challenging, but holding grudges can rob your happiness in a big way. Evaluate the friends you and your kids have. Are you harboring any resentment or ill will toward someone? If so, consider reaching out to that person and trying to make things right. Recognize that this does not have to be a reconciliation—you may just need to forgive a person, end the relationship and move on. The earlier in life kids learn this, the better.

If you make a few changes in your own life to cultivate a positive outlook, your children will see that happiness is within their reach, too. Discuss how when you get into a humdrum schedule, a break is always a good way to recharge and refresh. Involve them in planning a trip or setting up a fun afternoon outing. Life doesn’t have to be all work and no play.

Parents should be involved in their children’s lives, have conversations with them about what is happening, and help them to problem-solve in difficult situations and understand emotions and boundaries. By talking through hard situations together, you help your children learn how to handle the problems they’re facing now and that they will face going forward. Model what happiness means to you. From practicing self-care to meditating, reading and moving your body, engaging in activities that bring you happiness and joy will encourage your kiddos to do the same. One of the best things you can do for your child’s emotional well-being is to attend to yours.

Judy Goppert lives in Lee’s Summit. She enjoys drawing on her personal experiences to write about the nuances of everything wonderful about life.

Sources: Healthline.com, Parents.com

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