First Day Jitters

OVERCOMING THE QUEASIES

When Your Child Is Nervous About the First Day of School

Parents all know about the firstday-of-school queasies. Having a nervous kiddo is so hard and shifts your “mama and papa bear” instincts into high gear. Maybe your children are in full meltdown mode. Maybe the anxiety is subtle. Either way, all you want is to calm their nerves. Our hope is to help you help them combat some of those firstday butterflies.

The best way to ease the queasies is to prepare kids as much as you can beforehand while remaining calm and positive. Run through their routine a few times. If they’re going to ride the bus, practice waiting at the bus stop with them. Practice driving them to school. Predictability will be their best friend.

We’ve provided a few tips for kids of all ages—whether it’s their first or fifth year of school—to make the day less intimidating.

Meet and talk about the teacher

This activity will help both younger and older kiddos with the jitters. A new year with new teachers can be intimidating, but getting to know them ahead of time may ease this transition. Attend any and all back-to-school nights or open houses, so you can get acquainted. Schedule a phone call or Zoom meeting. Email them questions your student might have. Lastly, talk with your kids afterward about the interactions.

Practice first-day conversations

Maybe your middle schooler has anxiety about what she’ll say to potential new friends and gets tongue-tied. Practice chatting and making small talk, so she has ideas about what to say if she’s feeling nervous or inhibited.

Stay positive

It’s tough when you’re so empathetic to your child’s anxieties, but try to stay calm, upbeat and positive. This will reassure your kids everything will go smoothly.

Role play and pretend play

For younger kiddos, or those starting preschool or kindergarten, use pretend play to prepare them. Use their stuffed animal friends

to talk about what the first day might be like. For example, “little dinosaur” goes to school to eat snacks, sing songs and play games, then mommy dinosaur comes back to get him.

Create a “goodbye” routine

Whether it’s a special handshake, highfives, a hug or a catchphrase (“See ya later, alligator!”), your child will find comfort and security in a specific goodbye ritual.

Create a visual schedule

For your youngest kiddos, a visual schedule could be helpful. (Example: wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, pack your backpack, hug mom and dad goodbye, get on the school bus.)

Practice relaxation techniques

Try deep breathing and meditation techniques on the drive to school. Safely play steps from a podcast, YouTube channel,

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Pandora or other app. This may work best with your teen or preteen who is feeling nervous about meeting a new group of friends.

Reduce stress at home

Your children’s simply knowing home will be their safe haven once the school day is over will help immensely. Try to model good coping strategies at home when managing stress and anxiety, don’t load their afterschool to-do list with extra chores and try not to snap at them even if you’ve had a rough day. Greet them with open arms, a listening ear and maybe even a snack.

Lastly, remind them you’ll be there to greet them at the end of the first day. School days can be long, anxiety-inducing, draining—but once they’re all done, you’ll be waiting with open arms to take them home. Once they adjust to the routine, it will become second nature.

Calm kids playlist:

“Baby Beluga” by Raffi

“Wonderful You” by Nancy Kopman

“I Like You As You Are” by Mister Rogers

“Sesame Street: Dave Matthews and Grover Sing About Feelings” “Safe and Sound” by Taylor Swift and the Civil Wars

“The Rainbow Connection” by Sarah McLachlan

Emily Morrison is a freelance writer, former copy editor, full-time mommy and Disney fanatic who lives in Independence with her husband, son, daughter and dog.

KINDERGARTEN

TREKKING THROUGH TRANSITIONS

“Don’t blink or you’ll miss it.”

If you’ve been a parent for any length of time, you’ve probably been given this advice. And it doesn’t take long for a mom or dad to understand the meaning behind the sentiment. Babies really don’t keep. This is perhaps most keenly perceived with the monumental milestones a child experiences during the first days of elementary school and middle school. Here are some ways you can prepare, coach and celebrate your favorite students from start to finish of their academic career.

KINDERGARTEN

For youngsters with a year or two of preschool under their belts, kindergarten may not be that much of a transition. After all, they will already be acclimated to structured events like story time, and getting in line won’t carry much of a learning curve. What may come as a challenge, however, is the fatigue that comes from being away from home for a whole day, a more complex structure to the day, as well as potentially having homework.

Parents play a key role in not only preparing their child well for kindergarten, but through active engagement, they also set their child’s teacher up to best serve him throughout the school year. One of the biggest setups for success is when a child knows both his parents and his teacher are working together, cheering him on both in and out of the classroom. Parents should seek to maintain an open line of communication with both their child’s teacher and their child. Ask specific questions at the end of the school day such as, “What was the hardest thing you did today?” or “Did anything funny happen during class?” Allow your child time to process his feelings, whether he’s nervous or excited.

Because kindergartners already have more than 50 percent of their vocabulary established by age 5, these ongoing conversations can be hugely beneficial, not only for emotional health but also for your budding genius’ academic achievement. Equally as helpful, spending time reading great books together at home not only bonds parents and children but it also is one of the only proven means of bolstering test scores. Pick up a list of Caldecott or Newbery award winners from your local library or check out resources like The Read Aloud Revival podcast by Sarah Mackenzie or Jim Trelease’s book The Read Aloud Treasury for other fabulous and age-appropriate reads.

Ways Parents Can Prepare Their Child for Kindergarten:

1) If possible, visit the school and get to know the teacher before school is in session.

2) Inform all staff that will be in direct contact with your child (teachers, school nurse, etc.) whether your child has any special needs or allergies, regardless of whether or not it’s already been indicated on forms.

3) Establish your school routine well in advance, so your child is well rested, accustomed to getting up on time and familiar with how and when to get to school.

4) Read books together about what the first day of school will be like. 5) If you have any questions for your child’s teacher, ask them prior to the first day of school or later in the week. Teachers are often inundated in the first few days of school with a million parental queries. 6) Go through your child’s backpack every day together and make sure you read through and sign all paperwork that requires your consent.

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MIDDLE SCHOOL

Of all K-12 transitions, the shift from elementary school to middle school is one of the most pronounced. Everything is different—from campus size to the number of students per class, student expectations and teacher accessibility. Perhaps the biggest change middle schoolers will navigate is learning the expectations that come from having multiple teachers instead of a primary one like they had in elementary school. And let’s not forget all of this is on the heels of navigating puberty and all that comes with it, including bigger-than-life emotions and an increased need for better hygiene. Middle school is no joke! Students entering this new chapter need the ongoing support of their parents, but they also need space to learn from mistakes and increase their own personal responsibility. It’s a tough line to tow for both parents and their children, and grace needs to be extended in both directions.

The transition from elementary to middle school is certainly a full package one: academic, social, emotional and neurological. An elementary student’s brain is focused primarily on making connections to new information and absorbing it to become an automatic reference. A middle schooler’s brain has the space to start applying that information and asking complex questions about it. Middle school teachers acknowledge this and will up the expectation ante accordingly. Although some children are adequately prepared for this academic transition, they still may flounder charting the waters of middle school social life—or vice versa. Accordingly, it may take more than the first day, week or month of school for kids to acclimate to all the new things they may face.

Ways to Prepare Your Child for Middle School

1) Teach your child to use a planner.

Instruct your child in how to map out her days, set goals and pace herself. This is a valuable life skill that will serve kids far beyond the school years. 2) Be an advocate and accountability partner. It’s not enough to instruct a child how to use a planner on the front end of the year. Follow up and make sure she is using it throughout the year. Encourage your student to email teachers directly with questions but you also be willing to participate in the conversation if the need arises.

3) Let them take credit. Consequences— both good and bad—should fall more on the student’s shoulders. Don’t make a habit of dropping forgotten work or lunches off if they forget. Let them learn to be more responsible. 4) Keep devices in public spaces. Know your child’s usernames and passwords and make a practice that all cell phones, tablets and laptops are both used and charged in a common place within the home.

Lauren Greenlee is a freelance writer and boymom of two middle schoolers, an elementary student and a newborn. She hails from Olathe.

MIDDLE SCHOOL

Homework Help!

Seven Tips to Ease Frustration & Boost Focus

By the time Meira Mednick’s daughter was in third grade, homework time had morphed into lengthy, embattled evenings fraught with angry tears as frustrated daughter and frazzled mom squared off.

“My daughter began showing signs of difficulty in focus on homework in kindergarten. By second grade we were drowning,” Mednick says.

Mednick tried tactics like feeding her first grader an early dinner as soon as she got home from school and giving her time to relax before starting homework. Instead, Mednick says, “We ended up spending the next two years in a tug-of-war of time, and many tears were shed.”

Many parents can relate and dread the contentious homework hour, which can plunder an otherwise peaceful evening. For kiddos who struggle to tune out distractions and concentrate on the task at hand, sitting down to do homework doesn’t rank high on their list of priorities.

Thanks to the distractions of technology, the inability to focus is a growing problem in our culture. The number of children who are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) also continues to rise. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that ADHD is “one of the most common chronic conditions of childhood.”

Experts agree: The ability to focus is crucial to achieving goals. How can we create a more calming homework atmosphere that will enhance our child’s ability to concentrate and get the job done quickly—without the draining drama?

Work in short bursts.

Kids get overwhelmed with long worksheets and multiple assignments. Break homework into timed chunks. After a busy day at school, parents can typically expect their youngsters to focus on a task for one minute for each year of their age. That means a 6-year-old should be given a two- or three-minute break every six minutes.

“Expecting 30 minutes of homework out of a first grader isn’t realistic without breaks,” says Rachel Rudman, a pediatric occupational therapist.

The timed approach made a big difference for Mednick’s daughter.

“Previously, she would be discouraged even before picking up a pencil. By having a timed environment, she knew that she could tackle one interval at a time,” says Mednick, whose daughter is now an eighth grade honors student.

Create smart brain breaks.

During the timed breaks, engage your child in short activities that help reorganize and refocus the brain, like jumping jacks, playing with Legos or play dough, or snacking on crunchy carrots or pretzel rods or something chewy such as fruit leather.

Blowing up a balloon can also help ease frustrations. “Blowing forces the child to take deep breaths, which increases relaxation and focus,” Rudman says.

Avoid electronics, which can be harder to pull a child away from.

Strike a pose.

Yoga stretches and breathing exercises can calm and reenergize a tired body. Balancing poses, like bird or airplane, and a full body twist combine breathing and concentrated stretching movements.

“Balancing poses require a level of concentration that are a great way to strengthen those ‘focus muscles’ and create a body and mind that is strong and relaxed,” says Mariam Gates, the author of the new children’s book Good Night Yoga: A Pose-byPose Bedtime Story.

Integrate natural elements.

Researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign have found that including ornamental plants in a learning area can further enhance a child’s ability to concentrate and learn.

“And weirdly, the more involved the child is in the plant’s life or maintenance, the more learning goes on,” says Magalie Rene, a classroom design consultant, who works with parents and schools to create study spaces that foster learning.

Place a plant in your home’s study area and have your child water it as a transitionary cue before beginning homework, Rene suggests.

Chew gum.

Although the “no gum allowed” rule was grilled into our psyches when we were students, more schools now allow kids to chew gum during state assessments. The chewing movement has an organizing effect on the brain and can help kids focus. Energize with aromatherapy.

Scent can have a powerful effect on our emotional wellbeing. Fill a spray bottle with water and two or three drops of peppermint, rosemary or citrus essential oil. Spray the scent around the study area to enhance concentration, focus and creativity.

Get organized.

Make a homework box either out of a large shoe box or plastic container. Have your child decorate it and store homework supplies, like pens, pencils, crayons, markers, scissors, paper, a glue stick and anything else he might need. “Having everything together creates an atmosphere of organization and success,” Rudman says.

If your youngster continues to struggle with focus and concentration, consult with your family’s pediatrician or a child psychologist.

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As the mom of two active sons, freelance journalist Christa Melnyk Hines knows all too well the stress homework time can create in a family.

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C OOH S NGI

the best extracurricular activities

When your kids are at school, they’re at their desks most of the day and busy following the school’s schedule. Other than a short recess break or two, they don’t have a true creative outlet or even time to let loose and run free with their imaginations. That’s why after-school activities do wonders for child development. They can improve such things as a child’s social skills, sense of self and grades, to name just a few. Activities after school can also teach children important life skills such as teamwork and problem solving, improve kids’ relationships with adults other than their parents and give them a chance to be themselves without the structure of school. But how do you know which activity is best for your child?

Every child has a different personality, and each personality must be nurtured in its own special way. With the right after-school activity and proper guidance, children tend to stay out of mischief they might otherwise get into. There are so many activities to choose from, you are bound to find just the right fit for your child’s interests. Here is just a sampling of the extracurricular activities available and what your child can gain from them. And remember, don’t give up on the idea of extracurriculars if what’s listed here doesn’t fit your child’s personality. Other options are out there, and you’re sure to find the perfect fit.

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ART

Does your child love creating art? Whether it’s painting, sketching or working with clay, your child will improve his creative skills. Clay, for example, can have a therapeutic effect and can keep your child occupied for hours. The more he is exposed to and works with creative things, the more his brain will begin developing the areas associated with creativity and problem solving, such as his sensory and motor skills.

SPORTS

Whether they’re running across a football field, basketball court, or running bases on a baseball field, child athletes will learn teamwork and release a lot of energy. There are many other options out there, too, such as tennis, softball, badminton, volleyball and golf that your child can try.

DANCE

Do you have a future ballerina in your house? Does your child enjoy hip hop or jazz dancing? Whatever their flair, you can find a plethora of dance classes available for kids: tap, jazz, ballet, hip hop, modern dance, lyrical, contemporary, ballroom and more. If your children opt for a more classical style of dance, they can learn about the culture of the dance style. Dance, in general, requires discipline and endurance. It will help your child develop physically and mentally by building confidence and coordination.

MARTIAL ARTS

Although there are myriad styles of martial arts out there (e.g., Judo, Tae Kwon Do, Karate, Hapkido), all of them teach the same theme: discipline. Martial arts teach kids (and adults) how to control their strength. They teach selfcontrol and self-discipline, and they help improve socialization skills and physical development in children. GYMNASTICS

If your child loves to do somersaults, cartwheels and flips, this might just be the perfect activity. This extracurricular activity has something for every child, including running, jumping, flipping, rolling, swinging and using up all of their pent-up energy. It’s a great way to stay in shape, and it helps young kids develop mentally and physically.

COOKING

Some children naturally find their creativity in the kitchen, so a cooking class would be a great choice for your budding chef or baker! Not only is cooking an essential skill, but it will help children develop focus and creativity, as well as teach them useful skills such as how to handle sharp knives and other kitchen tools. They’ll learn along with others around their age about different ingredients and how to prepare healthy and balanced meals.

SEWING

Sewing may not be an activity most families think of, but the skill is a great one for kids to have. Sewing may be the skill that prepares aspiring fashionistas or designers for the future as they begin learning how to sew their own accessories, pillowcases, room décor and clothing. A sewing class will develop their creative abilities, build their self-esteem and give them a useful skill.

DRAMA

Is your child a budding theater actor or actress? If so, you might want to look into a drama club, the perfect venue for releasing dramatic energy. Drama club will help your child develop physical, artistic, social and public speaking skills, not to mention memory and improvisation skills.

CHESS

Once your child learns to play chess, there’s no going back. Chess club is a great extracurricular activity for kids. Many schools have chess clubs. If yours doesn’t, check around town or start your own. Through chess club, students learn patience, strategy and timing by playing the game. Chess also hones skills in deduction, as a player tries to deduce an opponent’s strategy and beat it.

BOOKS

Do you have a bookworm in your house? If so, a book club would be a great after-school activity. There is much to gain from joining a book club. Not only will your kids get to socialize with other book lovers, but the books they read will teach a lot about the world and the way it works. It will also help hone their reading skills and vocabulary, which, in turn, will reflect on their writing skills.

MUSIC

Whether it’s a love for singing or playing an instrument, music offers a lot of freedom of expression that many children enjoy. There are so many instruments for children to choose from, they’ll easily discover one they’ll find joy in playing. And music (both instrumental and vocal) carries with it a lot of history that children will learn about, especially with classical pieces!

Kids have an array of options for afterschool activities. Find out what your children’s interests are and what they might like to do. Once you know what they want, you can do some research to see who provides the classes you’re seeking. Be sure to take the time to visit places with your child while a class is in session to see whether the environment is stimulating and comfortable. The places you choose to take your children are especially important—make sure they nurture their creativity rather than hamper it.

Kansas City mom and author Gina Klein has always had her two daughters in after-school activities that they enjoy most: dance and music lessons.