10 minute read
Kids Say the Wisest Things
by Beth Long, PhD, LPC, BCBA
In the typical 21st century American household, children are given free access to most (if not all) of their favorite items. They can freely play with their toys, run around the backyard, gather their own snacks, turn on the TV, get their own drinks, and maintain control of their own electronic devices. As soon as the children misbehave, parents run into the room and start taking away the items. In other words, we want our kids to have everything, but only on our terms.
This system of discipline is harmful and ineffective for several reasons…
1. It focuses is on what the child does wrong instead of what the child does well.
2. During the process of taking the item away, the child has as much power as the parent.
3. The child begins to behave out of fear of what he/she will lose instead of truly wanting to the right thing.
“They always take everything away from me,” is our wise kid statement of the month. As a parent, you may be thinking, “I have to take everything away from my children to get them to behave.” Would you believe me if I told you that there is a much easier, more effective way to get your children to complete their chores, eat their vegetables, and take their baths? All you have to do is take control of the things you actually can control. Instead of “clean your room or I will take away your iPad,” try “clean your room and you can have 30 minutes on your iPad.” The difference I am suggesting is a simple change in semantics, but a change in semantics will make all the difference. Let’s look at it another way.
Taking away the items you have given your children is equivalent to a company paying their employees before work and then collecting a portion of the pay every time an employee accidentally or intentionally does something wrong. I am pretty confident that no one would choose to work for that company! So why do we choose this as our primary way to parent?
We can all agree that most children are NOT intrinsically (internally) motivated. Children are not born with a desire to be constantly obedient and positive. Children are extrinsically (externally) motivated and need to be rewarded when they do hard things. Research has repeatedly shown that this “If, Then” style of parenting is the most effective way to change behavior.
1. It focuses on teaching, shaping, and rewarding what you want to see in your
children. For example, if your children have to earn media time instead of being entitled to it, it creates a natural setting to practice doing the right thing (compliance, chores, sharing, taking turns, etc).
2. It allows the parent to be proactive
instead of reactive. Threats of loss often lead to tantrums or uncontrollable situations. “If, Then” allows the child to see that they have some control in the situation, which encourages logical thinking, and wise decision making.
3. When this approach is done well, children are rewarded for every attempt
they make to “do the right thing”. This naturally develops self-compassion, which is one of the most important requirements for mental health. Self-compassion is one’s ability to accurately see their own strengths/ weaknesses. People who are self-compassionate are able to focus on where they need to improve, make goals to do so, and reward themselves for their efforts.
Dr. Beth Long received her education in Counseling Psychology from Chapman University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Beth has worked in six unique clinical environments across the country and currently owns Works of Wonder Therapy in Montgomery. Beth utilizes the knowledge from a variety of different disciplines to give her patients the best care possible. To learn more visit www. worksofwondertherapy.com.
July 6-August 31 * Noon-4 p.m. Receive 50% OFF Montgomery Zoo admissions every Tuesday afternoon. Tickets must be purchased in person in order to receive the discounted admission. This discount cannot be combined with any other discount, coupon, and/or offer. For more info, call (334) 625-4900 or visit www.montgomeryzoo.com/.
Common Ground Shakedown Festival
July 24 * 5-11 p.m. Union Station Train Shed, 210 Water Street. 5:30-6:30 p.m. Mountain Grass Unit; 6:30-8:30 p.m. T.U.B.; and 8:30-11 p.m. Headliner TBA. All proceeds going directly to Common Ground Montgomery. CGM’s mission is to “change the odds” for children and youth facing potentially destructive personal and community risks. For more info, call (334) 202-9156 or e-mail cartergoodwyn@gmail.com.
River Region Fourth of July Events
Independence Day Parade in Prattville July 3 @ 9 a.m. Downtown Prattville For more info, call (334) 595-0850.
Wetumpka Independence Day Fireworks July 3 @ 8:30 p.m. Gold Star Park Sponsored by Wind Creek Casino.
Patriotic Night w/ MAX Fireworks at Montgomery Biscuits Baseball Game July 3 @ 6:05 p.m. Montgomery Riverwalk Stadium On the eve of Independence Day, we get the party started early and celebrate all things AMERICA! Stick around after the game for a MAX Fireworks Show.
Independence Day Celebration w/ MAX Fireworks at Montgomery Biscuits Baseball Game July 4 @ 6:05 p.m. Montgomery Riverwalk Stadium Few things are more American than catching a baseball game and watching some MAX Fireworks on the 4th of July, so join us! For more info, visit https://www.milb. com/montgomery/ or call (334) 819-7483.
Independence Day Fireworks Celebration in Prattville The fireworks will launch at dark from the Homeplace Clock Tower off Highway 82. For more info, call (334) 595-0800 or visit www.prattvilleal.gov/.
Stars on the Riverfront
July 25-26 * 7:30-9 p.m. Riverwalk Amphitheater, 355 Coosa St.
Free public performance presented by the Alabama Dance Theatre as the culmination of their 34th season and Summer Seminar Intensive. Featuring ballet, jazz, modern and more, this family-friendly event on the riverfront is a beloved tradition. For more info, visit www.alabamadancetheatre.com or call (334) 625-2590. For more info on any of these events, visit https://www.milb.com/montgomery/ or call (334) 819-7483.
* Military Wednesdays July 14 & 21;
August 4: All members of our Armed
Forces are offered ticket, drink and food specials and discounts! * T-Shirt Giveaways July 1, 15 & 22; August 5
The first 1,000 fans 15 & older through the gates will go home with a T-shirt presented by different sponsors each week.
* Giveaway Nights July 2, 16 & 23;
August 6: We’re giving away different items each week to the first 1,000 fans! *MAX Fireworks Nights July 3, 17 & 24; August 7: Stick around after the game for a MAX Fireworks Show!
Bark in the Park July 25; August 8
Bring your leashed 4-legged friend with you. Don’t forget to join the Lil’ Crumbs Kids
Club pres. by Go Fish Alabama, offering complimentary Sunday game tickets along with a variety of other perks.
Cloverdale Playhouse Presents The Giver
July 15-25 * 7:30 p.m. except for 2 p.m. Sunday matinees.
Written by Lois Lowry and adapted by Eric Coble; directed by La’Brandon Tyre. Everything in Jonas’s world is under control and safe. But when Jonas turns 12, he is chosen for special training from The Giver—to receive and keep the memories of the community. Now Jonas will learn the truth about life—and the hypocrisy of his utopian world and try to take control of his own destiny. *Due to mature themes, this play is recommended for audiences ages 10 and up.* For more info, call (334) 262-1530 or visit www.cloverdaleplayhouse.org/.
Creekwalk Concerts in Prattville
July 13 & 27 * 6:30 p.m. Historic Downtown beside the Picker House near Heritage Park. Grab a lawn chair and join us for free family fun. July 13 features John Bull Band; July 27 features Wesley Dennis. For more info, call (334) 595-0850.
Thursdays, July 1-22 * 7:15-10 p.m. Armory Learning Arts Center Each Thursday night, we will celebrate the 1950s and 1960s with classics that are both enjoyable and family-friendly. Bring a blanket, a lawn chair, some refreshments, and enjoy! For more info, find us on Facebook or call John at (646) 241-7139.
Calling All Superheroes!
July 18 * 2-4 p.m. 5090 Main St., Millbrook. We are calling all little heroes for a SUPER event! Bring your child to meet with some of their most loved superheroes. There will be games, food, photo opportunities and fun! Tickets are $25. Parents are free with a paid child. LIMIT 2 parents ONLY per child/family. Find us on Eventbrite.
18th Annual Youth Fishing Rodeo
August 7 * 7-11 a.m. Lanark in Millbrook. Program is designed to provide Alabama’s youth a chance to experience the outdoors and learn about fishing. These events provide opportunities for families to share fun and quality time together while participating in one of our nation’s favorite pastimes. For more info, call (334) 285-4550 or visit www.alabamawildlife.org/.
Visit Alabama Shakespeare Festival’s garden amphitheater for Garden Glow, a summer live music series outdoors. Performances start at 7:30 p.m. Gates open at 7 p.m. Grab your family and friends and your lawn chairs and picnic baskets. Pre-order a charcuterie box. Tickets for each performance are $10.
July 9: Singer-songwriters Josh Carples, Neal Lucas and Megan McMillian and July 23: Folk/Americana project Sea of Fog.
Full bar service available. Limited seating. Get your tickets at asf.net or call (334) 271-5353.
Terry Collins
Pike Road Elementary School
When you choose a path to become an early childhood teacher, you are dedicating yourself and your professional life to the field of helping young minds grow into responsible, competent learners of the future. Teaching one child is no easy feat, let alone an entire classroom of curious minds. And although teaching presents its challenges, for those who love shaping children at a tender age—it’s gratifying—and a dream come true.
The world needs more teachers like Terry Collins, who’s been teaching for three decades. Currently, she is a kindergarten teacher at Pike Road Elementary School, with six years of service. Her career consists of teaching first grade for eight years and 22 years as a kindergarten teacher.
When Pike Road Elementary opened its doors, Mrs. Collins knew it was the best fit for her. She explains, “I thought it aligned with my teaching style, and I was excited about being a part of opening a new school.”
Mrs. Collins also shares some of her teaching goals and explains why she chose these particular goals presented inside her classroom. She says, “In addition to the fundamentals of learning such as reading, writing, and math, I want my learners to be polite, responsible, kind and leave things better than they found them. The reason is this. They will always have the tools they need to learn and will have the ability to make the world a better place.”
After retiring, Mrs. Collins sees herself volunteering for a nonprofit organization focusing on promoting health, wellness, and education for women and children. Also, in her spare time, she will focus on writing more children’s books. She published her first book in 2020, Mouse in the House. It is a story about making friends in the most unlikely places.
Congratulations, Mrs. Collins, on being chosen as River Region Parents July Teacher of the Month!
Terry Collins has been married to her husband, Craig, for 25 years. She was born in Warrington, England; however, she has lived in many different places. The couple has two children in college: Shelby (21) and Zachary (20).
