The journey to mend his heart led

Qua was born with tricuspid atresia that required a series of open heart surgeries as an infant. But as a teen, his health took a dramatic turn. Qua’s pediatrician and cardiologist recognized something wasn’t right with his heart and sent him to Children’s of Alabama. Our team was standing by when he arrived by helicopter, and within two weeks he received a new heart. He rebounded quickly and was back at home a few weeks later, thanks to the expert heart team here at Children’s of Alabama.

able to accomplish, we become stuck… stuck between our innate, primal need to work and an inability to do it well and to sustain it for the long haul.

When my friend Brian, a professional writer, was dying from cancer in his midthirties, I asked him what he looked forward to the most in the New Heaven and New Earth. Do you know what he said? He said that the thing he looks forward to the most is having no more writer’s block.

Scripture promises, “no eye has seen, no ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor 2:9). It also promises that the good work he has begun in us, every good work—whether it be the work of becoming more like Jesus in our character, or the work of painting just a leaf when we dream of a tree—the God who is both Creator and Restorer, and the Architect and Builder of his great city—will be faithful to complete that work (Phil 1:6). And as he completes that work, he will also look to us through the finished work of Jesus and say, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matt 25:23).

The work you do now will go on into eternity. It’s a leaf on the Creator’s tree.

Learning Boundaries, Following His Path

I’m a giver and a people-pleaser, and if asked to attend a meeting, take on another task, or join a group, I’m quick to say yes.

Until recently, when I said no to a meeting on a Saturday at noon. My daughter was home from college, and we had barely seen each other that particular week. She was returning to her university in Oklahoma the Saturday of the meeting, and I had a personal life to catch up with: errands, laundry, packing for a mission trip, errands, cleaning my home, meeting with dog sitters, errands. Sitting for a second.

My friend who invited me understood. The meeting carried on. I considered for a few seconds how I could manage it all, and did what is hardest for me: I said no, and set my own personal boundary.

My health was too important – mental health, physical health – and I found myself sitting at home early evening having completed what I needed, instead of having also attended a two-hour meeting, and then playing catch up all day to complete my tasks by late evening. And exhausted. Stressed. Wondering why I’m so tired all the time.

We’re called to serve. It’s the part of my life – of God’s calling for us – I thrive on. Providing outreach. Giving back to a community. Sharing my testimony. But you can’t give if you’re depleted. And constantly worrying and wondering how you’ll get everything done.

“Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:7-8)

I lived on autopilot for years as a single mom – and with an active daughter. Academics, soccer – school and travel teams – while working full-time with two dogs. I know I’m one of millions. But it wasn’t until my daughter left for college 18 months ago that I was able to sit. Reassess. Start doing for me.

I found more intentional time in His word. Took those deep breaths I advised to others for so long. “Don’t forget your ‘me’ time,” I’d say, while not providing my own body and mind with the nutrients it needed to match the pace I kept. “Yes – ha – I’ll take my time later!”

The pace hasn’t slowed over the past year and a half. But the focus has shifted.

Once I didn’t have the 24-hour schedule that raising my daughter entailed, I found boundaries. I found that while my schedule has stayed busy, my mind has learned to slow down.

“Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”

(Matthew 5:37)

I learned to say ‘no,’ so I could say ‘yes’ to where I needed to be. To where my heart called, my mind, my passions, my outreach. I learned to say no so I could grow where God wanted me. Where He placed me. The road on which He led me.

Then, I learned to say ‘yes,’ because it’s where my bound-

2022 in the Rear-View Mirror

I take time near the beginning of a new year on The Meeting House on Faith Radio to review prevalent topics impacting the Christian community from the previous year. Recently, I shared information from 2022, including comments from a variety of guests from the show.

No doubt, the year’s top story impacting the Christian community is the decision by the U.S. Supreme Court in the Dobbs case, involving a Mississippi law banning abortion after 15 weeks. Five justices on the high court voted to strike down the almost 5-decade-old Roe v. Wade ruling, which had resulted in legalized abortion in America.

The decision in the case returned the question of abortion to each state. Pro-life laws that had been passed and put on hold by courts and “trigger laws” that would ban many abortions in the eventuality of Roe being overturned went into effect. The decision has provided an opportunity for those who believe in the sanctity of life, based on Scripture, to build on years of compassionate service and continue to reach out to women and their families in crisis pregnancies.

Not all have been supportive of the court’s decision, and concern has been voiced through the political process. Unfortunately, there are those who resorted to violence against pregnancy resources centers and churches, intensified by a supposed draft leak of the majority opinion weeks before the high court actually issued its decision.

Other court actions were notable during 2022, including three U.S. Supreme Court decisions that upheld religious freedom. I covered the rulings in a previous column - here are some highlights: ertheless a federal appeals court - the 2nd Circuit - toward year’s end upheld the policy of a governing body over youth sports in the state of Connecticut, allowing male athletes to compete against females.

In one case, Shurtleff v. Boston, the right of a Christian group to have a Christian flag flown in a special celebration at City Hall in Boston was upheld.

Another case, Carson v. Makin, restored the rights of parents to send their children to religious schools in a special program in the state of Maine allowing parents to choose other high schools in rural areas where it was impractical to place a high school.

Then, there was the case of Kennedy v. Bremerton School District, in which the Court ruled that a football coach who had walked to midfield to pray following games and had been terminated was within his Constitutional rights to participate in that free exercise of religion.

This term of the U.S. Supreme Court features the 303 Creative case, in which a graphic artist and web designer is challenging a Colorado law that would force her to support same-sex marriage, contrary to her religious beliefs.

In 2022, there was an apparent advancement in the promotion of transgenderism, which is a rejection of God’s created order and His plan for sexuality. There was welcome pushback on several fronts, with Christian organizations involved in the opposition to this dangerous agenda.

The state of Alabama, in its 2022 regular session of the Legislature, passed a bill that would prevent minors from receiving treatments and undergoing surgeries intended to help them to “change” his or her gender. The bill also included a section that would prevent inappropriate sexual material from being taught to young children in the state’s classrooms. The new law was challenged and a portion of it has been temporarily restricted from going into effect.

From the exposure of the gender change surgeries being performed at a Nashville hospital to “detransitioners” speaking out about their experiences, the gender change industry certainly had a day of reckoning during 2022. “Detran sitioners” are individuals who have been duped in order to try to surgically change their sex, only to find out that they had sustained permanent damage based on an empty promise.

The area of same-sex marriage returned to the headlines as a new bill was passed that provided a legislative companion to the 2015 Obergefell deci sion, but Christian leaders voiced concern that under the law, those who stand on the Biblical concept of one-man, one-woman marriage could face repercussions for their viewpoints.

These are just some of the many issues impacting Christians during 2022. We can continue to be in prayer for our leaders and pray for the Church to have a solid witness in a culture in which we find ideas being em braced that contradict Scripture. For more information, I encourage you to visit FaithRa dio.org and check out the “Top 10 Topics of 2022” Podcast in the Media Center.

When Dawn Green began her work helping imprisoned women through Isaiah 58 Ministry, she says her heart went out to them because she knew she could easily be sitting alongside them.

She knows decisions from her past as a young adult could have had detrimental effects. There were parties, bars, and marijuana. Enough goings on, she said, that when she sees the women helped through Isaiah 58 – which exists to serve women leaving prison and others starting new – she knows “only God saved me from hurting someone else or myself.

“When I see the women, I tell them they’ve already done the hardest things: being arrested and living in prison. I encourage them by telling them they can succeed. ‘You can do this,’ I tell them. I tell them my situation, and they can relate to that.”

Green has served as ministry director for about six years, working alongside several others. Isaiah 58 Ministry falls under Santuck Baptist Church in Wetumpka and shares God’s truth and love with any woman in crisis.

The ministry provides much-needed items for women at a “store” at Santuck, including clothing, shoes, accessories, hygiene items, and makeup. They help women being released from Tutwiler Prison in Wetumpka and Montgomery

Women’s Facility. Also, they serve women who have had house fires and need help starting over and women leaving abusive relationships with nothing but the clothes on their backs –and sometimes, a child at their side.

One of the remarkable things Isaiah 58 does is pack a suitcase for ladies leaving Tutwiler and the Montgomery facility. So many women leaving the facilities have burned bridges with their families and leave prison with no support. Their families also might be unable to provide hygienic items or clothes for them. They may have already spent what savings they had on legal fees.

Isaiah 58 was founded about nine years ago by Traci Martin, a former missionary chaplain at Tutwiler. Green said the Lord revealed to Martin that as she talked to the ladies, she found a great need to help them start over. So she went through the

“We had a lady go into prison with diabetes and who ended up losing both legs while in prison,” Green said. “We helped get her shorter dresses so the material wouldn’t get caught in her wheelchair wheels.”

Women from churches all over Central Alabama help the ministry and those at Santuck.

“It has been an awesome experience to work with these ladies and see how imaginative they are,” Green said of the different church volunteers donating items. For example, one church held a “delicates” party, where women were asked to bring undergarments to an event for entry, which were later donated to Isaiah 58 Ministry.

First Baptist Church in Wetumpka held a “Jeans in June” event. Hundreds of pairs were donated. A Russell Mills truckload once unloaded boxes upon boxes of sweatpants, jackets, and bras.

“It’s a blessing to those who give,” Green said. “And for those who receive.”

A past moved passed

Growing up, Green was a quiet child, compliant. And said her family – including two older siblings – just assumed that as she became older, she would continue being “good.”

“I grew up in a nice home,” she said. “With a mom and dad who loved me. I knew they were coming home every night and that food would be on the table. I just craved belonging and acceptance.

“What happens in America if you leave kids alone – they’ll find other kids who are alone. Then, there was alcohol and, eventually, marijuana. Since I spent more time with my friends than my family, I wanted to belong. Only in recent years did I put it all together. I never wanted to do the bad things; I just wanted to fit in.”

Green attended bars and parties and said the Lord saved her from a bad situation, and she “finally surrendered. And I said of different things to try and be suc cessful when they get out,” she said. Suitcases for the women are stored in the main waiting room at the prisons – and aside from the clothes and hygiene products inside of each of them, there is also a Bible and devotional material, and a notepad and pen.

Prior to Covid, in 2019, the ministry gave 989 suitcases to women at both Tutwiler and Montgomery’s facilities. During Covid, everything shut down, and it has since taken time to get back to where they once were.

In 2020, there were over 300 suitcases given to women. In 2021, about 205, and last year, 291.

“We work totally off of donations,” Green said. “We receive more items than we do cash. Cash goes toward hygiene products and undergarments.

“We’re located in the old (Santuck) church building. We started with one room and now have closets in 10 classrooms filled.”

Green said her natural personality was “one of a scared little bunny.” But today, she knows God’s calling has her reaching beyond her comfort zone. She says, “Maybe He just wants us to be willing.”

“You do what He calls you to do,” she said. “I can’t change people, but God can. Only God can. It just brings you closer and closer to Him.

Donation and volunteer opportunities

Volunteers work on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9 a.m. – 12 p.m., assisting ladies who come in to shop for much-needed items. In addition, donations to the closet are accepted on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9 a.m. –11:30 a.m. Call the Santuck Baptist Church office for information: (334) 567-2364.

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Love and the Four Horsemen

Most of us can recite all or some of the “Love Chapter” from 1st Corinthians 13, and I’ll be honest, I have always found it a bit intimidating. Mainly because when I do the old youth group exercise and put my name in the place where love is, I fall short! I believe part of that is because God is LOVE, so God is all those things, and I am not, which is why I need Jesus. However, as a marriage counselor, I think the characteristics highlighted by Paul are lovely goals to aspire to, with the perspective that perfect love from another human is not a reasonable expectation. The ideas Paul talked about thousands of years ago can be seen in research as foundations of a healthy marriage.

One of the foremost researchers on marriage, The Gottman Institute (led by married couple John and Julie Gottman) have made some amazing discoveries through their study of married couples over long periods of time. For example, they found that four types of communication styles were significant predictors of marriage failure. The Gottmans call these the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse. Believe it or not, the antidotes to the four horsemen are directly addressed by God through Paul, in his message to the Corinthians about love.

When our partner communicates an issue or concern, how we respond can significantly affect the trajectory of our marriage. If you want to focus on making your relationships stronger and resistant to failure, check to see if these four things are present in your marriage and replace them with the antidote:

Criticism happens when you verbally attack your partner’s character, place blame, or look for and point out faults. A criticism in conversation may look like, “because you were running late, you are selfish”. However, Paul said, “love does not dishonor others.” The Gottmans suggest that the antidote to criticism is a gentle start-up, which means instead of blame and attack, use “I” statements and express a positive need. This might sound like, “when you were late, I was scared and worried; it would help me if you could call next time to let me know what was going on.”

Contempt is the most serious and is the most highly correlated with divorce. You communicate contempt when you attack your partner’s sense of self in an attempt to convey disgust and make them feel bad about themselves. Paul said, “Love is patient and kind,” and it “does not delight in evil.” The Gottmans say that instead of focusing on the negative characteristics of our partner, we should instead focus on their positive qualities and be thankful for the positive actions.

Defensiveness is when everything your partner says sounds like an attack, which could be an interpretation problem. A person responding from a defensive position would say, “It’s not my fault,” or “I forgot to unload the dishes, but you forgot the day before.” Do you give your partner the benefit of the doubt? Do you accept that their perspective is valid? Paul said, “Love is not easily angered,” and “love is not proud.” So the antidote for defensiveness is to take responsibility for our own actions, which looks like “I’m sorry, you are right, I did forget to unload the dishes.”

Stonewalling is when you withdraw from your partner when things get uncomfortable. Do you respond with the silent treatment? An example of stonewalling is when your partner does something that makes you angry and when they try to apologize or talk to you, you ignore them. Paul said, “love keeps no record of wrongs,” and love “rejoices in the truth.” The antidote to stonewalling is recognizing and communicating, “I am upset because what happened hurt me. I do want to talk about this, but I need a few minutes to take a walk, calm myself down and get my thoughts together.”

Because God is love, he helps us to be loving, and it is the love of Jesus that “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” It is HIS love that “never fails” so that when ours does fail, we can recognize our fault and continue to move forward in relationship with the one we have chosen to love. It is important to remember human love is a shadow of the love we will experience when we are with Jesus forever.

“For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears... For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:9-12)

Sarah McCrory is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Registered Play Therapist (RPT) and a National Certified Counselor (NCC). She has had success with utilizing different counseling modalities but she finds that over time, her counseling style has become more Person-Centered, because each individual has their own needs and personality and responds differently to different types of therapy. Sarah is a TBRI (Trust Based Relational Intervention) Practitioner, trained in Theraplay and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).