8 minute read
Teens, Tweens & Screens
School Shootings and Our Children
How to Help Them Recognize the Online Signs
My job each month is to bring you, the parent, information that will better protect your children in the online space. These conversations are not always easy to have, but in order to keep our kids safe, we must have them.
Today’s conversation is one of the hardest; it is about school shootings. I have watched quietly over the last several years as they have happened. I have done a ton of research on how, why, and what we can do to help.
One of the common themes, other than a desperate need for better mental health services, is that 90 percent of the shooters leak what they will be doing online. Rampage school shooters typically reveal their violent intentions through their talk with peers, their school assignments, their online behavior, and/or their interactions with their parents.
The harsh reality is that our children are in the same online space as school shooters. As we look back on recent school shootings, research is showing us that the shooters leaked information about what they were going to do long before they did anything. The reality is that the warning signs of school shootings do not relate to students’ clothing, the video games they play, their musical preferences, or other aspects of their lifestyles.
What can we do as parents to better support and protect our children?
First, we continue to look at our child’s social media. You may come across something that feels like a red flag on some of the accounts your child follows. Secondly, we must teach our children what to look for. Please understand that I advocate against making our children mandated reporters. However, the reality is they are on the front lines. They see things that we will never see online.
A few warning signs are these specific actions that students engage in which constitute attack-related behaviors. These include any behavior related to the preparation for an attack: stockpiling weapons, diagramming the school as part of planning the attack, writing down plans, and so on. Also, any attempts to recruit someone to join the attack, warning a friend to stay away from school on a certain day, bragging about the upcoming attack, or otherwise indicating violent intentions. All of this can be leaked through social media posts. Social media has provided a venue for children to disclose their intentions. Yet, students, parents, and educators often ignore or downplay the warning signs of an imminent threat. Students often think their peers are simply expressing threats as a way of garnering attention. Even if the threats are taken seriously, there is an unwritten code of silence that keeps many students from reporting what they see or hear. They don’t want to be a snitch or risk being the target of the would-be shooter’s rage.
As we educate our children on the warning signs, we MUST also provide a place for them to feel supported and safe to report what they see. This may look like a trusted parent, guardian, teacher, resource officer, or simply an adult friend with whom they feel they may confide. The key here is that the child must feel that they are safe. The potential shooter must not know they made the report. This can even mean allowing anonymous reporting. We must let our children know that we see them, we hear them and we believe what they are saying is incredibly important. While we have so much work to do in this area, I do believe empowering our children with the resources and support they need to help recognize and report signs of a potential school shooter will help to prevent future shootings. While it doesn’t seem fair that our children are having to sit in this space, it is a heartbreaking reality. Equipping them with knowledge on how they can protect themselves and others is better than not doing anything at all.
Kristi Bush serves as a national education consultant and social media safety advocate. She is a licensed social worker with greater than 15 years of clinical practice and health care experience. She attended Troy and Auburn University where she studied social work and counseling. Kristi travels nationally and has spoken with thousands of children, parents, professionals and organizations about the benefits and threats associated with social media. You may reach Kristi through her website at www.knbcommunications.com.
Immediate Injury Treatment
Baptist Health Southern Orthopaedic Surgeons ProImpact Physical Therapy
The only control you really have when it comes to getting hurt is where to get treated.
That’s why Baptist OrthoNow is here, staffed by board-certified physicians, skilled physical
therapists and sports medicine specialists. With no appointment needed, extensive hours,
and an all-in-one new state-of-the-art facility, we’ll get you back to being you—faster.
7449 EastChase Parkway, across from Target
Monday-Saturday 8am-8pm
She nodded, chewing thoughtfully on her sandwich. I think I saw her shudder.
But that’s when it hit me. I looked at the two of us, all these years later, both successful at work and fulfilled with families and activities that we loved.
What if middle school didn’t crush us after all? What if the physical awkwardness and social mishaps of middle school taught us invaluable life lessons that prepared us for our lives today?
I think the answer is that it did. And I can’t wait to tell my daughter why.
1) Middle school teaches
resilience. You will fail in middle school. Maybe it’s a bad grade in algebra or being cut from the volleyball team. But you go back to middle school every day. You study harder and get help. You shake off the tryout and try something else. You fall down and get back up. You become resilient.
2) Middle school helps you embrace change. Middle school
is all about change. You will not be the same height or weight from one year to the next in middle school. You may or may not have the same friends. You will change classes like you change the toilet paper roll--constantly. Middle school is a daily affirmation that change is part of life, that it can be good or bad, but that you will survive it.
If you have thirty minutes or more to listen, ask Antonio what he dreams of being in ten years.
WE DO WHAT WE DO BECAUSE CHILDREN HAVE DREAMS.
1600 7TH AVENUE SOUTH BIRMINGHAM, AL 35233 (205) 638-9100 | ChildrensAL.org
3) Middle school teaches con-
flict resolution. Conflicts, like someone using your pen without permission or cutting in front of you in the cafeteria line happen daily in middle school. Do you avoid or accommodate the situation? Mediate or challenge it? Each day provides an opportunity to work on communicating your side of the story and empathizing with the other side. The conflict may not resolve itself every time, but the chances to learn and grow are there.
Note: bullying is a form of conflict that is never okay. You should always talk to a teacher or trusted adult about bullying and be involved with your school to create and promote a safe environment for everyone.
4) Middle school teaches self-
acceptance. I still remember when a boy made fun of my butt in 8th grade, taunting me that it was flat compared to the other girls. But the truth? My less than curvaceous derriere didn’t bother me. It still doesn’t, even in a Kim Kardashian world. Middle school is when you get to decide what you like or accept about yourself, regardless of what others think.
5) Middle school shows you what a true friend looks like.
Middle school friendships can be sources of comfort and support, but they also can be sources of pain and confusion. Did your supposed best friend reject you this week? Learn from it and choose someone kinder to be in your life. Middle school teaches you that you deserve friends that treat you well, friends that encourage you rather than tear you down.
So as my daughter heads towards a new adventure in middle school, I will be there to remind her that the lessons and experiences of middle school, although they may be hard or uncomfortable, will mold her, not crush her. That middle school will teach her to become resilient, embrace change, deal with conflict, accept herself, and discover what makes a true friend.
rrp
Katy M. Clark is an award-winning writer who has appeared on Scary Mommy, SheKnows Parenting, and Your Teen for Parents. Her articles have been published in magazines including Pregnancy, Atlanta Parent, Pittsburgh Parent, and more. This piece originally appeared on Your Teen (www. yourteenmag.com).
