Growing in and through

GROWING IN AND THROUGH CHALLENGING TIMES

REV STEPHEN BROOKS

New Jerusalem Church, Birmingham

This year the world has changed beyond our imagination, and ushered in major transformation and challenge. In times like this, we seek to find God’s will through prayer, the Scriptures, listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit, and seeking Christian counsel. But what happens when there is no voice from God, or time to seek counsel?

Never before has there been a need for Mindfulness - a psychological definition is ‘the process of keeping one’s mind in the present moment, while staying non-judgmentally detached from potentially destructive thoughts and feelings’. We are encouraged by the Scripture, “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid” (John 14:27).

Many people, who experience mental illness, suffer from ‘fusion’ – where thoughts, feelings and reality are ‘fused’. If these thoughts or feelings are anxious and depressed, that is what one becomes. Mindfulness talks about ‘thinking de-fusion’ to ‘get out of your mind and into your life, being conscious of the detail of your environment and the specific characteristics of our situation’.*

Mindfulness is found, in various forms, in all religious traditions. It is intentional, enabling us to focus on the big picture without getting drawn into the impossible detail of every minute issue of our lived experience.

The Bible lets us know stillness is important too: Psalm 46:10 says “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth!” It’s important to stop running around, jumping to conclusions or forcing a solution. The study entitled ‘The Restorative Benefits of Nature’ demonstrated how the brain naturally restores its own cognitive skills when environmental sounds are lowered. The study shows how the quiet stillness, found walking in nature, allows the brain to decrease its sensory guard, which helps it to release tension and strain. This gives the brain a chance to restore itself.

When you are going through pain, and you can’t see the purpose at the time, there are some things that can help to get a better perspective: • Remember that no one else has your life story. Your difficult circumstances aren’t fun, but they put you in a position to learn, grow and discover things no one else can. Your experiences are shaping you in ways no one else has been shaped and, in time to come will give you an advantage. • Although no one else has your life story, many people do face similar circumstances, and you could be a voice to help them through their own challenges and pain. This would not have been possible if you hadn’t gone through it yourself. • When you go through family drama, doubts in your faith, relationship breakdown, illness, etc., you can understand how someone else feels and become a person who can relate to the experiences of others. The truth is, the next best thing to having something fixed for us is having someone who has been through it to walk alongside us.

Throughout the Bible, we are reminded that Jesus was a Man acquainted with grief.

Jesus experienced hardships in life.

“The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay His head” (Matthew 8:20). He was born in a stable and cradled in a manger (Luke 2:8). Paul wrote of Jesus as follows: “For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that ye through His poverty might be rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9).

Jesus suffered grief from His family.

Jesus’ family often did not understand Him. Jesus’ own brothers in the flesh rejected Him while He was in the flesh (Mark 6:4). Jesus always placed His heavenly Father above His earthly family and domestic matters (see Matthew 10:36-39).

Jesus experienced disappointment

from His friends. Jesus’ closest companions often brought Him grief. There were misunderstandings on the part of the Twelve. There appears to have been much complaining and strife among the Twelve that must have been a source of annoyance to Jesus (Matthew 18:1). Toward the end of Jesus’ life, we read: “Then all the disciples forsook Him, and fled” (Matthew 26:56).

Jesus had sorrow from the temptations

He faced. Jesus’ temptations were real, and covered the whole range that appealed to mankind: there was the lust of the flesh; lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (Matthew 4:1-11). The writer of the letter to the Hebrews wrote of Jesus’ temptation thus: “(He) was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). We must remember that Jesus was God manifest in the flesh (Matthew 1:23, so imagine the sorrow and grief Jesus, God incarnate, must have experienced at the indignity of temptation!

What if God used our painful situation to position us for something amazing that we haven’t even imagined? Sometimes we see the point after the fact. Apostle Paul, in his last letter to Timothy (2 Timothy 4:6-8), is first looking round at his present situation, and then he looks back at what the grace of God has done for him, those glorious achievements of his life, and finally Paul looks ahead. He is soon to die, his life on this earth is all behind him, but he is looking ahead. He has a future. The Christian, even on his deathbed, has a future. What a wonderful assurance we have.

SUICIDE PREVENTION

What the Church and Christians can do

DR T. AYODELE AJAYI

is a Consultant Psychiatrist, a radio host, author and is on the pastoral team of his church

Every suicide is a devastating event. Globally, it claims 800,000 lives of the 20 million attempts made annually. Those figures mean that every 40 seconds, someone who is a parent, brother, sister, son, daughter, friend, neighbour or colleague dies by suicide, and every single suicide affects 135 people.

Suicide prevention is not limited to the domain of health professionals. The theme of this year’s World Suicide Prevention Day, usually commemorated on 10th September, encourages

‘Working Together To Prevent Suicide’.

What works?

There is no single explanation of why people die by suicide. It is a complex behaviour with multiple causes, some of which are poorly understood. Suicide can therefore be difficult to predict. Social, psychological and cultural factors can all interact to lead a person to suicidal thoughts or behaviour. These complexities are, however, not an excuse to absolve us of our social responsibility in suicide prevention. The strategies that have been proven to be impactful are: community support to combat isolation; responsible, sensitive media portrayals of suicide; local education to create community awareness, and restricting means to perpetrate the act.

Combating social isolation

A simple smile could mean very little to you, but to someone thinking about suicide, it could be the first step towards life (International Association for Suicide Prevention, www.iasp.info/wspd2020). The apt recommendation made by the IASP is to step closer to others in our communities. This enables us to be aware of those who need help with their mental health, and creates opportunity to encourage them to reach out for help. The Church and Christians are so well-suited to demonstrate love in a tangible way in this regard. There are plenty of opportunities from starting an in-house scheme that reaches out to the vulnerable, to volunteering at local food banks and other community projects. Christmas and festive periods are particularly difficult for the isolated and lonely. Over the past six years, the church I attend has run a scheme delivering hundreds of Christmas dinner hampers to families facing food poverty in our local community. What can your church do to reach out to those excluded in society?

Creating suicide community awareness

It is welcomed observation that more church leaders are opening up their platforms to professionals to share information on mental health problems. This early trend is to be encouraged and replicated. There is a general lack of awareness regarding mental health problems that warrants a corporate approach. Stigma festers on ignorance and misinformation, and knowledge together with open, honest conversations in the church is the way to combat this.

Who is at risk of suicide?

Evidence shows that 50% of those who died by suicide in Europe had a depressive illness at the time of the act. Most mental illnesses carry an increased suicide risk, and so understanding the symptoms and signs of depression, and how to get help or signpost, is one of the most crucial steps towards embracing individual responsibility to combat suicide. Self-harm is one of the strongest predictors of completed suicide. The other predispositions are family history of suicide; middle-aged men, and now very concerning, young people facing stress. Every week, 125 people in the UK take their own lives. 75% of them are male. Sadly, suicide is now the biggest killer of under 35s in the UK! Those experiencing chronic pain and physical health problems; the bereaved - particularly by suicide; socially isolated and lonely - including ethnic and sexual-orientation minority groups, and a past history of suicidal attempts are other risk factors. Alcohol and illicit substance use have been recurrently flagged up as playing a role in suicidal acts.

Reassuringly, having strong and supportive social connections, such as positive relationships with family, friends, partners and being members of a faith community, are protective.

What can I say or do?

A lot of people worry about lacking skills to support those experiencing suicidal crisis or making things worse. The myth about instigating suicide, by broaching the topic with the distressed, is unfounded. Evidence suggests otherwise.

In reality, there is no magic formula to supporting the suicidal, other than offering an authentic, compassionate and empathic gesture from one human being to another. For ideas on how to start and progress that “Are you OK?” conversation, www.ruok.org.au provides an excellent interactive resource.

The organisations in the UK, offering helpline support to the distressed, include:

The Samaritans – call free on 116 123 Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) - free helpline and webchat for men (5pm–midnight) on 0800 58 58 58

Papyrus – HopeLine for under-35s worried about personal feelings (or for anyone concerned about them) - ring 0800 068 4141 or text 07860 039967

Please let’s keep the conversation going. I am really keen to hear from you via email at

tripartcare@gmail.com