Daddy and the Two Bears

BY GARY ANDERSON

No parent should have to go through losing a child, but as we know, this is tragically an ever-occurring reality. My twin baby daughters died in

October and November 2003 - three and a half weeks apart. My loss may have been over 17 years ago, but for me, real grieving didn’t begin until 2017, when another tragedy - my wife being diagnosed with breast cancer - tipped the balance and my grief poured out.

It was only then that I decided to write down my experience of the times and events around my twin daughters’ deaths. I didn’t know where it would lead and, at that point, only imagined sharing it with my wife. I wanted to express how I’d been feeling back then, and how traumatised I had been, having not shared my feelings with her at the time. Whilst writing, it occurred to me there were probably hundreds, if not thousands, of dads out there, who might have also spent years internalising their grief like I had.

With this at the forefront of my mind, I knew I wanted to turn my memories and experiences into a book for others to read: for dads like me; partners like my wife; families, friends and medical/mental health professionals even… anyone, really, who would benefit from gaining an insight into such a tragic situation. So, my first book, ‘Daddy and the Two Bears’, was born, and it was finally published in March 2021 - over three years later.

The book will carry you through the joys of finding out my wife was pregnant, after being presented with a gold box containing a ‘positive’ pregnancy test; then finding out at 11 weeks that we were having not just one baby but two; through to the journey of them becoming Twin 1 and Twin 2 and, later, twin girls called Alana and Dana. But first they were ‘The Bears’, a name I had affectionately given them early on in the pregnancy. It’s often said that nine months gives you time to get your head around having children. You prepare. You tell your friends. I couldn’t wait for the twins to arrive, so that I could fill them with the love and support I felt I’d never received as a child. I was also struggling with my own mental health issues at this point in my life - issues that had been plaguing me since childhood.

All seemed to be going well until one day a scan showed that all was not going well at all. From that point, the raw emotions I felt were so real. I tried to keep them in, but sometimes they oozed out, mostly presenting as anger, my go-to response. I tried to pray and ask for God’s help, not for me, but for my little Bears. In the trauma and tragedy that followed, however, I battled between needing God and rebuking Him in equal measure. I hadn’t a clue how I was meant to feel, how I was meant to act, with every day and every new scan telling us more news about our little girls.

Six months later and three hospitals later, they were born, and for them to be alive was an incredible feeling. They’d made it, and I was their dad. However, what followed still remains the most devastating time of my life – as I’m sure it is for anyone who has experienced the death of a child (or children). ‘Daddy and the Two Bears’ is a raw and open account of my journey.

For many, it feels like there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel – or ever will be – but my story shows that eventually things did begin to change for me in a more positive way, and my light did begin to flicker again.

As a counsellor myself now, my hope is that my book opens conversations, especially conversations that have been hidden under a veil of grief or tragedy. My wish is for it to support others to learn, become aware and share.

‘Daddy and the Two Bears’ is available from Amazon in paperback and Kindle versions.

Gary and his wife Michelle on their Wedding Day

“...my story shows that eventually things did begin to change for me in a more positive way, and my light did begin to flicker again”

LIFTING THE LIES OF LIMITATION

BY BISHOP BARRINGTON MULLINGS

Bishop Barrington A. Mullings’s debut book, titled Capacity Expansion and Development is an enthralling and thoroughly practical leadership guidance masterpiece of relevant theory and applicable strategy. It is created as “an essential resource for supporting others to grow and develop their God-given capacities” regardless of their background, age, or status.

Its core aims focus on combatting spiritual stagnation by correcting wrong concepts; exploring vital biblical truths to flourish in capacity and giftings; and applying critical principles to advance maturity. These include prayer, peer-conversation, personal reflection, supervision, and scriptural study.

Published by AuthorHouse, this “must have” flagship training resource from the School of Ministerial

Excellence (SOME) is borne out of the wealth of experience and sincere passion of a transformational servant-leader intent on reaching and teaching the masses to efficiently identify, utilise and develop their gifts for God’s glory.

After being frequently told by his own father and teachers that he “would never amount to anything of worth” in a world “predetermined by abject poverty”, Bishop Mullings writes, having been powerfully delivered from severe self-doubt, low self-esteem, and crippling depressive thoughts and redeemed to full acceptance of God’s promises and the recognition of the position of significance that God calls all His people to.

Bishop Barrington

Mullings is an anointed preacher, He holds extensive ministerial credentials and a wealth of church leadership expertise currently serving the Manchester District of NTCG and as Senior Pastor of the Brooks’ Bar NTCG. He has also served as a National Executive Council member for four years and on the National Education Board for ten years.

You can purchase Capacity Expansion and Development online at AuthorHouse, Barnes & Noble and Amazon. All proceeds of the book will be donated to the NTCG Brooks’ Bar Building Project dedicated to serving the church and wider community. For further information, visit NTCG Brooks’ Bar Building Fund at gofundme.com or email b.mullings@schoolofministerialexcellence.com.