How to Spend December Being Naughty and January Being Nice

Cold Comfort

This winter, spend December being naughty and January being nice

written by John Nelson

Are we naughty or nice? It's a question as old as Santa himself. And the truth is, the very nature of the holiday season brings out both sides in all of us.

December is surely the naughtiest month of the year. We stuff ourselves with holiday cookies, skip the gym and party like we’re Justin Bieber. After overindulging for weeks, we top it off by guzzling even more booze on New Year’s Eve.

Then comes January, our nicest month. We clean up our acts, go on diets, head back to the gym, maybe even forgo alcohol for a “dry January.” After our dizzying December descent, we start climbing toward loftier goals—dedicating ourselves to philanthropy, volunteering or even political action.

So you better watch out—Naughty December and Nice January are coming to town.

Naughty December

Get into the naughty month with “Land of the Sweets: The Burlesque Nutcracker.”

Angela Sterling

Enjoy the Limelight

AS A PEOPLE, SEATTLEITES SEEM TO ENJOY THE SINFUL OVER THE SAPPY. HOW ELSE CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE VAST MENU OF BAWDY DECEMBER PERFORMANCES RELATED TO THE HOLIDAYS?

Consider starting the month’s bacchanal off with “A John Waters Christmas: Filthier and Merrier” December 5 at the Neptune Theatre in Seattle. The debauched filmmaker of “Female Trouble” and “Hairspray” has a oneman show in which he reportedly spreads “Yuletide profanity and perverted piety.”

Seattle also likes nudity—a lot. Two burlesque shows have become holiday traditions in the Emerald City. “Homo for the Holidays: Jingle All the Gay,” plays December 6-29 at Oddfellows West Hall on Capitol Hill, brought to you by beloved Seattle performers Kitten N’ Lou. That would be burlesque queen Kitten LaRue and drag king Lou Henry Hoover, who deliver the saucy goodies along with a troupe of outrageous (and attractive) helpers.

The Mark Morris Dance Troupe also hitches a ride on the alt-Nutcracker train. “The Hard Nut,” (December 6-15, Paramount Theatre) is described as a gender-bent take on the Christmas classic, set in “the swinging ’70s, with raucous parties, dancing G.I. Joes, whimsical costumes, and a Waltz of the Snowflakes like no other.”

You’ll also find “Land of the Sweets: The Burlesque Nutcracker,” December 12-29 at the Triple Door in downtown Seattle, created by Lily Verlaine and Jasper McCann. The show, in its fourteenth year, has elements of ballet, burlesque and old-school vaudeville.

Dina Martina’s “Christmas Show” is over the top in the best ways.

David Belisle

Also on the naughty list is “Scott Shoemaker’s War on Christmas” December 5-22 at the Re-Bar in Seattle, which promises “hilarious comedy, songs, dance numbers, amazing videos and partial nudity.” And at ACT Theatre, check out the ever-popular “Dina Martina Christmas Show” December 5-24. Rounding out this edgy holiday fare is performance artist Taylor Mac, who brings “Holiday Sauce” to the stage December 19-20 at the Moore Theater to “reframe the songs you love and the holidays you hate,” according to event planners.

Drink Up

At Dillingers in Olympia, holiday-themed drinks are on the menu.

Poppi Photography

WHERE BETTER TO BRIGHTEN YOUR YULETIDE SPIRIT THAN THE WINERIES OF WASHINGTON?

Roll into Woodinville on December 6-8 for St. Nick’s Open House Celebration, where more than thirty wineries will be pouring. We’re mighty fond of sitting by the fire and eating the excellent pizza served at the stylish Novelty Hill-Januik Winery. Or how about indulging in a cheese tasting at Columbia Winery?

In Walla Walla, they don’t just pour wine — they roll out the barrels. Open wide and drink hearty December 6-8 at the annual Holiday Barrel Tasting, which offers a sneak peek at the vintages to come.

You’ll have plenty of chances for holiday cheer at two cherished events in Eastern Washington. In Leavenworth, they switch on the town every weekend for the Christmas Lighting Festival 2019. Toast the light show at several lively restaurants, including München Haus, Rhein Haus, Pika Provisions and the newly expanded Icicle Brewing.

In Spokane, enjoy Christmas Tree Elegance.

In Spokane, put on your holiday finest and head to Christmas Tree Elegance, a fundraiser for the Spokane Symphony, in the historic Davenport Hotel and River Park Square, running through December 9. While you’re at it, stop in at the Davenport’s gorgeous The Peacock Room for a signature martini.

Meanwhile, the state capital is hosting a miracle of sorts. The Miracle Christmas Pop-up is happening at Dillingers Cocktails & Kitchen in Olympia, where bartenders mix over-the-top holidaythemed drinks set amid every kitschy ornament they can find.

And then there is New Year’s Eve. The Emerald City stirs things up with a giant swizzle stick, prior to the annual Space Needle fireworks show.

Party Down

ROUND OUT NAUGHTY MONTH WITH SOME OF THE BIGGEST PARTIES IN SEATTLE.

Chihuly Garden and Glass hosts a New Year’s pARTy.

Rod Mar/Chihuly Studio

RESOLUTION @ WaMu Theater

SPECTRA: NEW YEAR’S EVE UNDER THE ARCHES @ Pacific Science Center

INDULGENCE @ MoPop

TOTALLY RADICAL NEW YEAR’S @ Sky View Observatory at Columbia Center

NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY @ Chihuly Garden and Glass

Nice January

Take the (Polar) Plunge

The Tri-Cities Polar Plunge benefits the Special Olympics.

AFTER ALL THAT HIGH LIVING IN DECEMBER, YOU MIGHT NEED AN EYE-OPENER ON NEW YEAR’S DAY TO KICKSTART A NICE, NEW ATTITUDE. WHY NOT STRIP OFF YOUR CLOTHES AND JUMP INTO SOME ICY WATER?

In Seattle, consider the Polar Bear Plunge at Matthews Beach Park near Kenmore, or strap on those neglected running shoes for the Resolution 5K and Polar Bear Dive at Magnuson Park.

Around Western Washington, you’ll find many more New Year’s Day polar plunges in Birch Bay, Edmonds, Port Angeles, Tacoma, Lacey and just about every little town in between.

On the east side of the Cascades, it’s a different (and decidedly chillier) ball game. Last year, hundreds of people from the Spokane metro area hit the 40-degree water in Lake Coeur d’Alene for an invigorating swim. The air temperature was 29 degrees — maybe just the punishment needed for being so naughty in December.

In the Tri-Cities, they wait a few weeks for that achingly cold plunge. Their polar plunge into the frigid Columbia River is scheduled in midJanuary, a benefit for the Special Olympics. What could be nicer than supporting this good cause?

Hit the Gym

IT’S NO WONDER THAT JANUARY IS THE BIGGEST MONTH FOR NEW GYM MEMBERSHIPS. BLAME IT ON NAUGHTY DECEMBER. AS PEOPLE PONDER ALL THE WAYS THEY ABUSED THEIR BODIES OVER THE HOLIDAYS, EXERCISE REDEMPTION SEEMS LIKE A GREAT IDEA.

“We get a lot of new members in January,” said Kirsten Poma, program executive for healthy living at the YMCA in Seattle. “Unfortunately we lose a lot of those new members by the time we get to March.” Still, the YMCA hopes to keep them coming back by working with new members to make sustainable lifestyle changes.

“A lot of people have an all-or-nothing belief process when it comes to the gym. If they can’t get there four times a week, some people think they might as well just not come,” Poma said. “We try to promote small changes that will eventually become habits.”

Head Outdoors

IT’S ALWAYS NICE TO GET SOMETHING FOR FREE. AND IN JANUARY, YOU HAVE TWO CHANCES FOR FREE DAYS AT STATE PARKS IN WASHINGTON, ON JANUARY 1 AND ON MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. DAY, JANUARY 20. MOUNT RAINIER NATIONAL PARK AND OLYMPIC NATIONAL PARK ALSO OFFER FREE ADMISSION ON MLK DAY.

Speaking of Martin Luther King, celebrate the civil rights leader’s legacy around the state on January 20. Seattle residents celebrate with speakers, music and a march, starting at 12:30 p.m. at Garfield High School and ending at Westlake Center. Major celebrations and marches also take place in Tacoma and Spokane.

And if you’re in the marching mood to promote political action, plan to join the Women’s March, scheduled at locations around the state in January.

Meanwhile, you can get outdoors at two festivals in Eastern Washington. The Lake Chelan Winterfest is January 17-26, and in Leavenworth, celebrate the Bavarian Ice Festival on January 18.

Drink to Health

THE NEW YEAR CAN’T ONLY BE ABOUT GREEN SMOOTHIES AND KOMBUCHA.

Dillingers in Olympia has created a 2020 cocktail just for 1889 full of nice things guaranteed to boost your immunity. They’re calling it the “Allspice Allstar,” featuring Appleton Estate Rum, Seattle Distilling Brandy, Salish Sea Ginger Liqueur and cinnamon syrup, paired with a touch of fresh fruit juice.

1½ ounces Appleton Estate Rum

½ ounce Seattle Distilling Brandy

¼ ounce cinnamon syrup

¼ ounce Salish Sea Ginger Liqueur

¼ ounce Elizabeth Allspice Dram

¾ ounce fresh squeezed lime

½ ounce pomegranate juice

And resolution-weary beer drinkers can hop back on the horse at Belgian Fest, January 25 at Fisher Pavilion in Seattle Center.

Dillingers’ Allspice Allstar is a cocktail with fresh fruit juice to keep you feeling healthy.

Do Good

PERHAPS IT’S DECEMBER GUILT THAT SPURS PEOPLE TO VOLUNTEER OR DONATE TO CHARITY IN JANUARY, ANOTHER WAY WE MAKE THE NEW YEAR NICE. WHATEVER THE MOTIVATION, WASHINGTON STATE’S 30,000 FEDERALLY RECOGNIZED NONPROFITS ARE HAPPY TO RECEIVE YOUR GENEROSITY.

Homelessness and hunger are among the difficult problems facing communities statewide. Consider donating to Food Lifeline, Mary’s Place, Facing Homelessness and Hopelink among others that are tackling these issues.

If you’re not sure which charities to support, learn more about who’s doing good work at www.charitynavigator.org. And if you’re looking to volunteer but don’t know where to offer your talents, www.volunteerwashington.org can help get you started.

Food Lifeline is a great nonprofit to support in 2020.