Contemplating the looming 50

I don’t mean this to be disrespectful - it’s just the way I’ve always felt. I’ve always imagined that once you turn 50 your affairs had better be in order. Married, kids, house, stable job, plenty in your super, all by the time you’re 50. 50.

Words - Leith Forrest, FIVEaa

Leith Forrest is the new host of FIVEaa’s Evenings Programme, 8pm - Midnight, Weekdays feel like I just need more time…

Think of the number 50 in sport for example. A cricketer doesn’t raise the bat, until they make 50. That's the start. Now go on with it. In basketball, if a player drops 50. That’s a massive number. Jordanesque.

In footy, the earliest milestone a player will get to run through their own banner is 50 games. You won’t get chaired off the ground, but it’s a substantial milestone.

Hell, even the punishment for an indiscretion after a free kick was changed from 15 to 25 to, yep, you guessed it. 50!!! That’s the number.

So now I’m worried, I’m not ready for 50.

Am I ready to go from young(ish) to old(ish)?

Being 50 you need to be mature, and I’m still not mature. My wife Jessica describes me as a “man child”—a 10 year old in a 40 year old body. don’t eat my veggies. drink eggnog not Cab Sav. I love bubblegum. I think a cheese platter is the absolute worst option on a dessert menu. These are not the behaviours of someone at 50.

I’m never going back to that barbershop. Even as the kids and I made our way to West Beach to ride the Big Wedgie waterslide I said that I might go on with them this time. Both Bailey and Ella laughed. That kinda dented the ego.

It’s like now you have to be this tall to ride the slide, and, by the way, how old are you? Sorry. Not for you grandpa. Take a seat and watch the kids do it.

Morgan Freeman’s big break was at 50. Betty White wasn’t a household name til she was n the Mary Tyler Moore show, aged 51. Maybe there’s some hope for me yet.

Phyllis Diller once said, “life begins at 50”. Let’s hope that’s true, because I’m about to find out.

I was a little taken aback.

“Buuuuut I’m not 50. I’m only in my 40’s. I’m too young for that.”

Then it dawned on me.

I’m 46. I’m almost 50.

50 has always felt OLD to me. Like that’s THE number. When you’re 50, you’re officially ‘old’. Even writing the word ‘fifty’ looks less old than the number 50.

So, I’ve just been announced as the new host of FIVEaa nights after years with the station. So it does feel that after two decades my career is just starting, before I hit 50. Maybe that’s a sign.

Part of me thinks I’m starting to look fifty plus now.

I went to the barber recently and after my short back and sides I was asked for the very first time if I wanted my eyebrows trimmed. Eyebrows. Mine. I thought to myself, “excuse me - my brows are under control. Pass.” Then, without notice, they proceeded to lightly clipwait for it - the tops of my ears - like i’m some sort of Cousin It.

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