A relational approach to conflict

In 2017 the American Bar Association conducted a study on mediation techniques that were the most effective in resolving family law conflict. The ABA concluded that mediations that allowed the parties to an opportunity to listen, understand and respond to with one another had the best chance to not only resolve the present conflict but future conflict as well.

Being relational in the middle of a divorce probably does not fit within the traditional notions of how you would want conflict resolved during a painful emotional and financial process. The ABA study has been backed up by prior studies in 2016 by the State of Maryland

If your goal is to co-parent after a divorce, it's important to stop and think how exactly you want to manage conflict. It's equally important that you assess your choices in how your conflict is going to be resolved.

What are the downfalls to the transactional approach?

1. Loss of Control: The parents had no say in how the agreement was created. They were provided with ONE solution to the problem. A solution that they truly never thought of or perhaps even wanted.

Pain Cycle: Divorce or separation is by its very definition, the end of a relation. Where the relation between spouses ends, the relation between co-parents continues. Transitioning may be extremely difficult. Divorce carries with it the pain of the breakup, in addition to perhaps anger and lack of trust - emotions that divide the parties and prevents future communication.