Life Lessons From the Real
SOB Spunky Old Broad
Dr Gayle Carson
Author, Speaker, Mentor, Radio Show Personality, Businesswoman and the original Spunky Old Broad
www.SpunkyOldBroad.com
Why did I write this? Dr. Gayle Carson
Whether you are a business professional looking to learn from someone that has had a few years under their belt or a woman that is tired of chasing a dream instead of living one, this eBook is meant to share a little humor and motivation through the good, bad, and ugly years of my professional career spanning over 50 years.
At the young age of 76- I will share I’ve been called more than a Spunky Old Broad at times, but proud of every speech, blog, book and coaching session sharing ideas with people looking for honest feedback and a positive path. My true passion lies in reaching out to women over 50 who think life is passing them by and may get lost in the journey. Your time to live your dream is now- let’s live this life given in a big SOB way! Anyone over 50 should identify with this, and also feel a kinship for the lessons within. The advice given is from the heart and because of these experiences, it is written with love, compassion, humor and thoughtfulness. Enjoy!
Table of Contents Remembering the Early Years My Biggest Influencers Professional Career: the good bad and ugly BOTOX Marketing For God’s Sake Just Make a Decision Networking is all about helping someone else first Delegate the task not the Responsibility If you don’t speak up it’s your own fault To become a public speaker, open your mouth Growing Balls Takes Guts Love, Loss and the Bastard named Cancer Connections that matter take time & work
Remembering the early years My early years were filled with discipline and accountability. This gave me great direction and purpose. Today I believe that Success = Persistence and Discipline. I knew I had to earn money to have the extra things I wanted, so I created all the jobs I worked at and convinced people to hire me on my terms. By the age of 21, when I had completed college and owned my own business, I was ready. My parents were; loving, kind and responsive. I was so lucky to be born to them. I recommend you praise yourself for the job you’ve done with YOUR family. In high school I was one half of a dance team and it gave me responsibility, creativity, showmanship, and confidence. My partner and I were in sync and thought we were great. It’s so wonderful to be so naive at that point. It propels you further.
My lesson learned: It’s a real advantage to have a great home life and parents who care. It’s also an advantage to be raised with accountability because if you don’t get it then, it takes a very long time to learn. Gain as much experience as you can through volunteering, belonging to various groups, hobbies and studying extra subjects. When you go out in the world, it will give you a leg up. Your lesson: When you accept a task, complete it with gusto and you will begin a spotless reputation.
My biggest influencers Without a doubt, the biggest influencer I ever had were my parents. In particular, my Mom, because she lived to be 99 ½ and my dad died at 65. So she continued to be a mentor throughout my life. One of the biggest influencers was my own drive and ambition. I love everything I do and therefore work is not work. It’s provides pleasurable, wonderful and inspiring days. You never mind putting in the time, when it gives you such great results. I had many influencers through books, seminars, CD’s and DVD’s, webinars, masterminds and friends. I never looked at it as a cost, but as an investment, because these were the best minds in the business and we know that two minds are better than one. Just one idea can change your life. Friendships cannot be taken for granted. For someone to be a friend, you must trust them and be interested in what they have to say. I have friends from kindergarten and others from recent years. Never forsake them and listen to what they tell you.
My lesson learned: You never know where your lessons will come from, so keep an open mind and listen without prejudice. Your lesson: Always make up your own mind and be able to sift through all the ideas provided to you, so that in the end, you are responsible for you.
Professional Career: the good, the bad & the ugly! Lucky me—I’ve never had a bad job. But I never viewed them as jobs. I’ve always worked for myself, even at 13 when I sold Avon door to door. I was in charge of me. All the jobs I created felt like my own business. And today at 76, I feel the same way—excited and looking forward to what’s ahead. Although travel sounds like fun, it isn’t easy dealing with the airlines, the weather, and the things that get in the way. That’s the ugly. But once again, it’s how you look at it. Once while trying to get to Watertown, New York from Philadelphia, PA., three planes cancelled and I was forced to hire a taxi to drive me there. He fell asleep and I stuffed him in the back seat and drove the cab myself. That group gave me the “Taxi Driver of the Year” award. The only bad things are the people who try to interfere in your life and convince you their way is the only way. And many people feel it’s their mission to complicate your life. Ignore them and stick to your guns because you know best. There will always be peer pressure (even at 50) and there are saboteurs all around you.
My lesson learned: Nothing is perfect and even though you may love what you do, there are still little ugh’s that creep in from time to time. No job is perfect and you won’t get along with everyone. Your lesson: This is the time in your life you can create any job you want to, so make a list of your likes and dislikes, and take a careful look at the opportunities around you. Choose a company as excited about you as you are about them. Or if you enter the self-employment lane, be careful of your boss—it’s you!
BOTOX Marketing I chose the word Botox because it’s a little something that gives you big results (not that I have done that) and that’s what Botox Marketing does for you. I always used very convenient yet simple ways of marketing myself. Before I went into paid professional speaking, I had done 10,000 free speeches to the community, in the school system, and to professional organizations. That led me to the world of professional speaking but it also gave me great visibility in the community and to my market. I also appeared as a guest on several talk shows. Even though you might be nervous about this, if you only do radio, no one will see you and today you can do it through Skype or on the phone. In my day, I had to appear at the actual station. When you do these shows, you are regarded as an “expert” in your industry. Guess what? Greeting cards and snail mail are still in. Too many people rely on email today to communicate. If someone does something special for you or has a special event, send them a note or a card.
My lesson learned: It doesn’t take a lot of money to be original, effective and recognized. It does take being savvy, keeping a schedule with your marketing, and being relevant with your promotions. Your lesson: Written notes are appreciated and since very few people get actual mail these days, you will be recognized as different and courteous. It’s a way to stand out.
For God’s sake, just make a decision! In a recent survey, decision making was listed in the top three things an executive had to be able to do. I would add sticking to it is another attribute unless you discover reasons not to. Too many vacillate back and forth and continually second guess themselves. You will trip yourself up if you continue to do so.
People respect decisive individuals and are more likely to follow them. So many people are adrift themselves, that they respect and look forward to having some direction. One of the things I have had to do all my life is make decisions. I didn’t always like having to do it, and it certainly wasn’t always convenient, but once it was done, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. My biggest decisions really weren’t decisions at all. They were gut reactions where I knew what I was doing was right. Wouldn’t it be great if everything was that easy?
My lesson learned: Making a decision is being an adult. You can be one at 10 and you might not be one at 55. However, you will feel much happier when you learn to do this on a continuous basis. Your lesson: You need to test yourself in the next 30 days and see how many decisions you make. Then take the following 30 days after that and analyze how you did.
Networking is all about helping someone else first Networking is not network marketing and it isn’t collecting business cards. It’s finding out what the other person does, how you can help them and what their needs are. And it’s also looking at them directly into their eyes and not over their shoulder. When you make an instantaneous connection, it’s like making a great recipe. It’s so wonderful, you can’t believe it. These connections very often turn into lifelong friendships as well as profitable business relationships. That should be your aim! If you can create a networking event yourself, you will be a heroine in everyone’s eyes. Some people are shy and don’t feel comfortable introducing themselves. You can have interesting ice-breakers that will make everyone feel at home and make it a fun activity as well.
My lesson learned: Networking is the easiest way to meet new people and make contacts. It is fun, inexpensive and lasting. If you can also connect people, you will be considered “the best” and in demand. People always remember others who helped them. Your lesson: Always remember that people like to talk about themselves. If you ask them questions about their interests, they will think you are the best conversationalist ever. Get the focus off of you and onto them.
Delegate the task, not the responsibility
Delegation does not mean doing it like I do. It means do you do it well enough. You can delegate to someone who has expressed an interest in doing the task, someone who already has the skills, someone you can train, or someone you would like to preview to see if they can do it. Delegation doesn’t mean you give up accountability because the buck does always stop with you. It also means you don’t micro-manage and watch over that person’s shoulder. Ask yourself if this is a “your salary” task or an entry level salary task. Don’t be doing $20 an hour work, if you’re a $100 an hour person. Once you let go of something, you’ll find you have the extra time to do the more essential things you need to do.
My lesson learned: It is always important to have someone to delegate to. With my children, they learned to make their beds, feed the pets, and even do their own laundry. They grew up to be independent, competent adults. Many of their friends found it difficult when they started to live on their own. Your lesson: Identify the people in your life who you can delegate to. Communicate expectations, define the resources available, check in often but don’t hover and don’t micromanage.
If you don’t speak up, it’s your own fault Assertiveness means believing you have the right to state your thoughts, feelings and opinions without hurting anyone else. Aggressiveness means believing you have the right to state your thoughts, feelings and opinions without caring about anyone else. Passiveness means you don’t believe you have the right to state your thoughts, feelings and opinions. Listening is the most important part of any communication. And active listening means you are really paying attention to what the other person is saying. Most people listen at 400 to 600 words a minute, but we don’t speak that quickly, so often your mind wanders. How often have you had to ask someone to repeat something because you’ve been on another planet? Always try to paraphrase back to the person you’re speaking with so that you can be sure they understood what they said. When you can communicate well, you are a welcome guest and will always be included. Be sure to use every day language and not the “techy” language of your industry.
My lesson learned: My people skills have gotten me into a lot of places that were impossible to enter. I’m not a very technical person but I do love people and always have a smile on my face. I’ve never met a stranger and that makes up for a lot that I don’t have. And when you compliment someone, there is an immediate connection. Your lesson: Make an assertive statement at least once a day for the next 7 days. How does it feel?
To become a public speaker, open your mouth I always liked speaking and as I said earlier I had done 10,000 free speeches until I became a professional speaker. And in college I gave the equivalent of 17 public appearances a week (I was a theatre, broadcasting, speech major). I still suggest using an audio recorder and then videotape yourself and practice, practice, practice. You will hate what you look like, but there is no better teacher. You can prepare for what you think is every eventuality, and then something unforeseen happens and you bomb like a brick. Guess what? It isn’t the end. Pick yourself up and keep going. Every performer has a bad day. Can you think of all the actors who were considered “washed up” who went on to win awards? I can. So just get out there and do the best you can. If you want people to pay attention, have something interesting to say. It is so hard to bring something new to the table when so much free information is available. You need to be relevant, exciting, provocative and innovative. If you have that combination, no one will be able to touch you! Everyone is a public speaker. You’re doing it every day. If you’re trying to sell an idea to your boss or a committee, if you’re selling yourself to a new acquaintance and if you’re trying to persuade someone in your family, you’re doing it through speech. Being articulate, well spoken, grammatically correct is all a part of this. My lesson learned: I love to speak and I’m good at it, but there is nothing that keeps you from having a really bad event. The main thing is if you’re as prepared as you can be, you will still have your legs underneath you and be able to recover in record time.
Your lesson: Start practicing every day for 15 to 30 minutes. Then have someone watch you and give you feedback. Don’t obsess on your looks. If there is anything to obsess about, let it be the message you are delivering to the audience you have researched.
Growing Balls Takes Guts Women are creeping up the ladder of success, just not as fast as some people would like. Women must learn to be succinct, stick to facts and not get involved with the politics. Men don’t get involved with the machinations of the company, they see what went wrong, figure out how to not do it again, and continue on with no hard feelings. Women want to be recognized and acknowledged for their contributions. They like being stroked and are more emotional than their male counterparts. But that is also part of their strength. They are more compassionate and understanding and will take the time to listen. Don’t mistake that for weakness. Everyone has the right to have their family responsibilities recognized, but ask yourself “Would a guy respond the same way?” If the answer is no, think the situation over and maybe change your response. Women have to deal with the fact that they may be earning more than their spouse/partner. Think about the person in your life. Can they deal with that? My lesson learned: I was fortunate to be married to a man who loved that I made money so he could buy more toys. He also enjoyed the home and children more than I did and took responsibility for them, however, he was also warm, loving, kind and a force in his own right. I wouldn’t have married anyone else. Your lesson: Who is the person you most admire? Identify their characteristics and strengths and then model them. I’m curious, is it a man or a woman you admire most? Be sure to share this with me as I am always fascinated with all the insights received.
Love, loss & the bastard named Cancer As a three time cancer survivor, I am a strong proponent of early detection. All of them were caught through mammograms, and after 16 surgeries, I am still walking, doing and excited about new happenings. As a widow, I talk to my husband every evening, but life is full all day long with new people, events, challenges, re-invention and the like. I am not lonely because I have wonderful friends, activities and my adorable pets. I wish he were here, but can’t live in the past and the years we had (45) were wonderful. Do you monitor your meds and go for your checkups? Do you make sure that what you are eating is healthy and that you exercise at least 3 to 4 times a week? Are you laughing every day? Do you do something productive every day? Do you wake up every day with a smile on your face and love in your heart? Do you keep the negativity out of your life? Do you find a way to solve every problem that you encounter?
My lesson learned: No one knows how strong they are until they experience the heartache that occurs. I learned this from my Mom who was a widow for over 40 years. She learned to drive after my Dad died and how to write checks. When asked how I could smile all the time with the things that have happened in the last 10 years, I always say “What’s the choice?” Your lesson: Think about the biggest crisis you’ve had in your life. If you were able to go back in time, would you have done anything differently? Write down what good came of this crisis.
Connections that matter take time & work Although people try to give you advice, it isn’t always for you. The important thing is to have the connections you need, so that when you are going to promote something, you have the network to do it with. Your affiliates will stick with you if you produce a good product or service and work with their customers well. From professionals: The professionals I know are truly that. They take great pride in what they do and how they come across. If they don’t, they aren’t professional. I learn from them as to how they act, dress, promote, perform their specialty and respond. It is a privilege to know them and observe their success. From friends: As I said, I have friends from grade school to just recently. They all are different and fit into different niches. I love their diversity and professions. The thing they have in common is they are all ethical and honest and care about their fellow person. From mentors: The biggest thing mentors have done for me is to open my mind and expose me to various ideas, opinions, methodologies, and big ideas. I find them fascinating, and that spurs me on to greater things. From family: I’m lucky that I have a great family. My sister is very successful and we are close. She gives me practical advice and acknowledges my idiosyncrasies and differences and doesn’t chastise. My kids are there for me even though they live their own lives. I survived losing an older son and now have a great-grandchild. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh.
What have you learned from the people in your life? Be sure you share these insights with the people who matter as they grow as a person when given feedback and encouragement.
Hire the Professional If you like the material you’ve read here, I’d love the opportunity to work with you further. You will be able to find other lessons, insights, eBooks, blogs on business topics and even my weekly newsletter that always shares tips, techniques and stories on my road trips. Are you an emerging coach? It would be my pleasure mentoring you as you’re practice grows. As a Spunky Old Broad, I will never candy-coat things. You will always get an honest opinion with feedback and reasons to encourage your growth and results. Either way, connect with me and share your insights, stories, failures and successes. We grow when we learn from one another.
SpunkyOldBroad.com Or email me directly: gaylecarson13@gmail.com