Kimball Union Magazine Spring/Summer 2022

A Focus on Community Wellness

Tong Meltzer, M.S.W., joined the Kimball Union community in 2020, having worked at the Dartmouth College student wellness and counseling centers for four years and the Mountain Valley Treatment Center in nearby Plainfield. A native of China, where her family still resides, Meltzer first came to the United States as an international college student. She lives off-campus with her husband, Dustin Meltzer ’05, associate director of marketing and communications at KUA.

Tell me about your role at KUA.

I see my role as two different yet connected parts. One part is to focus on overall community wellness in a proactive way. The other is providing counseling services on a day-to-day basis. I meet with students and parents and work with outside support systems. If students need a higher level of care, I’ll provide case management with their providers. I also coordinate with dorm parents, advisors, and coaches when a student needs extra support.

How do you proactively work on mental health?

I work closely with the Student Life Office to map out the year and determine the areas where we need more awareness of topics critical to our student community. One area we’re focusing on right now is the ninth grade. We’re launching a new program for those students, and as part of that we’re using an online educational program that will offer well-being basics before kids even set foot on campus. We tested this with our current ninth-graders to see if it would be helpful and got tremendous feedback that helped us understand the topics that felt most relevant to them. In addition to offering an intro to mental health and common diagnoses, students will learn about topics such as coping skills, how and where to ask for help, and to how to help friends.

How receptive are students to discussing mental health?

Students’ openness and willingness to discuss mental health falls on a spectrum. Some prefer to keep everything to themselves, and others are very open and vulnerable about their experience and want to help debunk the stigma around mental health and initiate conversations with their peers. A small group of students are trying to bring a chapter of Bring Change to Mind, a national nonprofit that encourages dialogue about mental health, to KUA. Some students have personally gone through a lot and don’t want others to feel alone on their own journey. They’re trying to be that someone they needed.

What issues are you seeing the most when it comes to teenagers and mental health?

The two major things I see among teenagers are anxiety and depression. These are the most common mental-health diagnoses anywhere, and it’s the same for our students. We’ve seen increasing numbers of kids who are having panic attacks or experiencing symptoms of depression but don’t understand what is happening to them or why they feel that way. We’re also working with kids who struggled at schools where they were relying on Zoom during COVID and are sorting through challenges with their social environment, such as how to make meaningful connections with others. We also see a lot of common high school issues as students try to figure out who they are, who their people are, and how they can feel accepted and liked. Teenagers are always sorting through a lot of interpersonal dynamics and experiencing different developmental stages.

Are there other impacts you’re seeing due to COVID-19?

I’ve been seeing a lot of kids coping with family deaths through the pandemic, and everyone has different ways of dealing with grief. Grief is not the classic five stages. It’s a messy process and our kids deal with grief in various ways and at their own pace. I always let them know I’m a resource when they’re ready to talk about it. The whole world and the country are going through some collective trauma and grief, and we can’t expect teenagers to just “figure it out.” That has a huge impact on their view of themselves and their relationships with others. I’m also seeing kids “languishing”—a term coined by sociologist Corey Keyes during the pandemic, which is defined as “apathy, a sense of restlessness or feeling unsettled, or an overall lack of interest in life or the things that typically bring you joy.” A good number of students are expressing the feeling of just being exhausted all the time and having little motivation to fulfill their daily tasks.

“The nature of our work in boarding school is that we have built-in skills of knowing how to talk to kids in a relatable way.”

How do you work with faculty, coaches, and other adults to support kids who are in the Academy’s care 24/7?

The nature of our work in boarding school is that we have built-in skills of knowing how to talk to kids in a relatable way. Many adults are really invested in students’ lives beyond just the classroom interactions. They take time to know the students as unique individuals and care about their well-being just as much as their academic performance. We have a group of faculty from different areas of campus who meet weekly to identify students in need of support. We will also bring in other experts. For instance, we worked closely with a nationally recognized psychotherapist who specializes in working with anxious children and their parents. We all walked away with lots of new tools in our toolbox. Our faculty know they can direct kids to me and often I will give them a heads-up if a kid is dealing with challenges or needs a little extra TLC.

Is there advice you’d give to parents on how they can support their children’s social and emotional health?

The first step is to keep communication open and honest. Having a collaborative relationship with a teen is important. They appreciate being valued and they like to have their own agency. Trust feels good to them. Build an alliance with them so it feels good for them and for the family. It’s also important that as adults and parents we model the things we want our kids to do. When we’re exhausted and burned out, we can be impatient and may not be at our best. We’re all human and have our strengths and weaknesses, but be mindful of how you take care of yourself before you take care of kids. When you’re feeling off the first step is to go back to the basics: Are you sleeping? When was the last time you had a nutritious meal? Are you drinking water? Fill your cup before you fill others.

What if a kid is sleeping and hydrated but something is still wrong?

Don’t be afraid to seek professional support. Sometimes information coming from a different person trained to work on these issues can help them and help you. Remember that your perception of seeking professional health will help them and their willingness to receive help. That alliance is important. Make a practice of checking in and communicating that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. K