now what?

There’s a question that often hits new parents on their way home from the hospital after the birth of their child: Now what?

“It’s totally normal to have that feeling of fear and apprehension. I mean, look—there’s a baby in the backseat. And that baby is your responsibility,” says Patricia Roll, a social worker in Los Angeles who specializes in working with new parents. “But most parents have already taken some classes, read some books and viewed endless YouTube videos about being a new parent so they just need to take a deep breath and begin.”

And if you need a quick reminder, there’s plenty of information to go around. The Youth and Family Psychotherapy Services and New Parents Groups Facilitators at William James College in Newton, Massachusetts, offers seven points of advice for first-time moms and dads:

1 Expect stress: Becoming a parent is a major life transition. All transitions, no matter how eagerly anticipated, are accompanied by some degree of stress. And despite our best preparations, we may have to adjust our plans as we go along.

2 Forgive yourself: You’re going to make mistakes. We all do. Nobody has all the answers, and even the “experts” often disagree about “what’s best for the baby.” Babies’ needs seem to change daily. Once you feel you have something figured out, it changes. Allow yourself to continue getting to know your baby and your relationship with them daily. Talk to your partner about strategies that work and support each other as you figure things out together.

3 Accept help: Don’t try to be Super-Mom or Super-Dad. Neighbors, relatives, friends and co-workers are often delighted to help if you let them know what you need. Just having an hour to sleep, shower or take a walk while someone you trust cares for your infant can give you a muchneeded lift.

4 Review and revise your expectations: Remember that you have a new baby depending on you for every need. Let go of any guilt caused by unfinished chores. It is important to take time for yourself and spend time with your family.

5 Believe in yourself: You know what’s best for your baby. Sort through the mountains of advice you’ll receive from friends, relatives, strangers, doctors, magazines and parenting blogs. Try out new ideas that sound good to you. Toss the rest.

6

Ask questions: No matter how much we know about children and about our pre-baby selves, we all have to learn how to be parents. Be open to surprises; you may find yourself changing some of your preconceived notions about parenthood.

7 Mix it up: Babies benefit from different types of loving interactions. Caring and nurturing your baby do not come from feeding alone. Spend time holding the baby and talking to them. Continue to develop your own ways of interacting with them.