Be resilient: how to build your bouncebackability

Behavioural Change Life Coach and bestselling self-help Author Angela Cox – currently studying Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health at King’s – shares seven steps to build your resilience.

I work with entrepreneurs and business leaders on a daily basis – and many are stifled by self-doubt and fear. I can relate, as it’s something I’ve personally experienced both in my former corporate leadership roles as well as in my current career.

One of the greatest weapons in this relentless battle with self-doubt is resilience: the ability to get up after a setback, learn from mistakes and adapt to new circumstances quickly – without losing focus. How do I help my clients develop their resilience? By sharing the following seven strategies that can keep you getting up, even when you’re dealt the heaviest of blows.

Know where you are heading

The first step in ensuring you have this all-important ‘bouncebackability’ is to determine a clear sense of direction. If you know where you are heading and what you are trying to achieve, it provides a strong reference point on those days when everything seems to go wayward. Breaking down goals into tactical steps also helps setbacks seem less huge as they only compromise the current step, rather than the entire goal.

Choose how you react

How you react to setbacks can make an incredible difference to not only the outcome of a situation, but the amount of energy it takes to get there. If things aren’t going your way, you can either let the frustration consume you, or you can pull on your positive pants, analyse the problem and tackle it using this step-by-step approach:

1. Define what has happened – pinpoint exactly what the problem is.

2. Measure its impact – is it genuinely as big as it seems once you review it logically?

3. Analyse the situation – why did it occur? Can it be prevented? What are the potential solutions?

4. Fix it – remind yourself you can handle anything, breathe, then get on with implementing a solution.

5. Review – check in on the fix to see if it’s working and make small tweaks if required.

Ask for help

You don’t have to know or do everything – resilient people are not afraid to ask for help. Invest time in establishing and maintaining strong relationships and consider getting a mentor or coach. Having people who can support you is a proven way to be both happier and more resistant to stress, because you don’t feel so alone or vulnerable when the chips are down.

Reframe the negatives

Having a positive outlook and being respectful of yourself and those around you will make you happier, and happier people are more resilient. You can learn how to reframe negative thoughts by using my STARS technique:

S – Step back

Once you hear the thought, take a physical step back or move your body. This shift in physiology activates a different part of the brain and stops the negative spiral in its tracks.

T – Take a breath

Calm the system down by taking a deep breath. Thinking negative thoughts can activate an emotional response which can result in the release of adrenaline and subsequently cortisol – a stress hormone – into our system. The breath will prevent this.

A – Acknowledge the feeling

If you heard a stranger criticise you, you’d be angry or upset. But when we do this to ourselves, we generally accept it. Rather than accept the thoughts or feelings, lean into them and acknowledge that they are not acceptable.

R – Reframe the thought

Reframe the thought by thinking the direct opposite. If you’ve heard yourself say ‘nobody will listen because my ideas are useless’, reframe this to ‘my ideas add value and will be gratefully received’.

S – Say it out loud

Cement the new version of the thought by saying it out loud. This will feed your subconscious mind positive thoughts, and regardless of whether you believe what you are saying to be true, you will start to move towards it.

Accept mistakes

Perfectionism and fear of failure are common breeding grounds for self-depreciation. Work on your growth mindset (see more on page 18) and view mistakes as an opportunity to learn and develop.

Pivot

While you may have a vision, plan and goals, be aware that sometimes you will need to change tack to succeed. This is called pivoting. If you can view a forced change as a pivot and you expect them to happen, you are less likely to be impacted by curve balls.

Remember, there’s no point running at 100mph if you are running in the wrong direction!

Have another interest

Resilient people take mental and physical health seriously. Whether you are starting a business or working towards career goals, it’s important to have another interest to keep the balance and provide an outlet for stress. Find a pastime that will allow you to switch off from the day to day and refill your resilience tank.

Like most things, your ability to bounce back comes with practise. So look back over your previous setbacks and notice that not only did you survive them, but also how they made you stronger.