Day Five

by Kate Nettles

“And Mary said: “My soul magnifies the Lord, and My spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. For he has regarded the lowly state of his maidservant…. He who is mighty does great things for me, and holy is his name. And his mercy is on those who fear him from generation to generation….” -Luke 1:46-55

I thought “love” looked picturesque. Love is in control, it is happy, it is always right.

That translated meant, “Kate is to be in control, happy, and in authority.”

At times, the reality is that love looks unstaged and unkempt; it gives time to process big emotions, time to disciple through continuous problems, and most times, it’s admitting that you don’t know “why” or “how.”

Love used to look like “doing” and saying “ yes,” to being and waiting.

Love on my part looks passive. It’s God who is active and showing those around me what kingdom living looks like. His love reigns over every active part of life, and my love for him looks like getting to be a witness to glorify and to testify of his kindness.

When pressed, angry, and desperate, my way of loving is saying Jesus’ name quietly, taking a few deep breaths, or quietly naming what I see and feel and mentally giving it to him. His love looks mysterious, as I see the situation resolve in a way that I never could have imagined.

When discontented with the strains of finances, my way of loving looks like

saying praises and thanks for the host of things we have seen him provide to this point, and asking God to forgive me for my displeasure and discontentment. His love looks like creative cooking in the kitchen, making concoctions I’ve never made before, and us all enjoying it. His love is the gift of preoccupation with the next more important thing instead of the DIY/shopping items I was hoping to buy for the month.

When having an unplanned pregnancy that is career-ending and dangerous to the baby and yourself, it’s letting yourself feel all the things, and asking Him to pursue you anyway. It’s asking for him to forgive you for your fear, and it looks like him sending a host of angels in the form of family, strangers, nurses, and doctors to minister to you and your family. And the provision continues as my attitude stays upbeat through the rhythm of the weekly appointments/ therapies.

His love is always inviting us to grow through the struggle. It’s staying on my depression medicine and asking him to take my preconceived notion of acceptable mental health. His outpouring of love gives me strength to speak honestly with others about my struggles, and testifying of how He saved me time and time again.

The theme of my life is to have God rule over me divinely, so I might testify of His mighty hand and trust Him with the next thing.

His love and favor doesn’t always feel right, or beautiful, or successful. I don’t always feel righteous, lighter, or float with ethereal beauty. Accepting the love of God, displayed through Jesus on the cross, and enacted daily by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, is actually accepting the hidden life of God in me, and asking him to give me as he wills in my lowly state.

PRAYER

God, thank you that Jesus’ sacrifice allows us to come to you freely and boldly. Thank you for always giving and always doing, and help me to continue to see when you are at work. Help me to be yours and wait for the Holy Spirit’s prompting, and please send me resources and people who will love and direct me closer to you.