REFLECTION ON CONNECTION

As I write this President’s column, the sky is gray and rain is drizzling outside my window. I am a few days post-trial and have just moved offices. I still need to finish unpacking, resolve technology transfer issues, send changes of address, and update a dozen other things. I am frustrated and tired, and disturbingly, I have also just come to the realization that I have apparently developed a habit of talking to myself out loud. Clearly the pandemic and almost five years of working as a solo practitioner have taken a toll. As I try to redirect my focus to get back on task, a random playlist streams through my ear buds. I hear these lyrics sung by Ben E. King:

When the night has come

And the land is dark

And the moon is the only light we’ll see

No, I won’t be afraid, oh, I won’t be afraid

Just as long as you stand, stand by me

So darlin’, darlin’, stand by me, oh, stand by me

Oh, stand, stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon

Should tumble and fall

Or the mountains should crumble to the sea

I won’t cry, I won’t cry, no, I won’t shed a tear

Just as long as you stand, stand by me.

It made me stop and think. We all need connection. That is a fundamental and universal human truth. We all need a support system. We all need a brain trust on whom we can rely to brainstorm ideas, air our grievances, have a laugh, or break down the losses and celebrate the victories. One cannot survive in a vacuum, and regardless of practice area, a lawyer is not most effective in isolation.

In my reflection, I recalled an episode of a podcast I listen to regularly entitled On Purpose with Jay Shetty. In this particular episode, he posited that there are four types of people that every person needs in their life. He classifies these four types of people as 1) The Cheerleader, 2) the Character Builder, 3) The Mentor, and 4) The Challenger.

The Cheerleader is the person who is always in your corner, excited with and for you, always, celebrating your victories and cheering you on regardless of circumstance. This is the friend who always leaves you feeling better about life.

The Character Builder is your moral compass, the person of high character, integrity, honor, that sets the example for how you want to live your life and simultaneously keeps you grounded.

The Mentor is the person in your life who traveled the road before you, has more experience than you do, and accordingly more wisdom that they readily share. They are happy to guide you, make introductions for you, share their war stories, and teach you from their successes and failures. They are honest and compassionate with you and temper the fear of navigating a path alone.

The Challenger is the tough love friend, who will push you forward, past your perceived limits, into and beyond your fears. They love you but will not hesitate to call you out. They want you to open your eyes and to achieve greatness … and they’ll force your eyes open if they must.

I’ve been blessed to have various iterations of each of these type of people in my life over the years in many different aspects of my life. In my professional life, I can assure you, this is also true. Maybe I’ve been lucky. Maybe I’ve been blessed. Maybe it is because as soon as I began my legal career, I was directed to the Bistro for the one Wednesday a month meeting of the Knoxville Barristers, and expected to attend. Some of the strongest relationships I have ever developed began in those meetings, and in service to the community through the many then, and even more now, projects of the Barristers. In a professional sense, we grew up together, now we work together, lead together, and serve the bar together. We face personal and professional challenges together and we watch the world grow and change together. We have come to play the roles of the four people we need in life as described by Mr. Shetty for each other and for others.

So, now as I sit at the end of the day on which I wrote this message (albeit two sentences at time) the sun has appeared, some of my technology issues have been resolved, I have helped a couple of people this day, and I have reconnected with former colleagues and hopefully made progress in building relationships with new ones. I am grateful. I feel connected. I feel at home.

I hope you will take a few minutes to reflect on who in your life are your cheerleaders, your character builders, your mentors, your challengers. Let them know you appreciate them, knowing that someone else also appreciates you.

WELL READ By: Cathy Shuck East Tennessee Children’s Hospital