Ichigeki hissatsu issue 2 by The Purple Prince

Ichigeki Hissatsu One

Hit

Kill

Magazine

July - Aug 2014

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re back!

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Musings from your Editors So, here we are again with another issue of Ichigeki Hissatsu. We got a lot of reaction for the first issue, some good, some bad. And yet, the moment I started working on the layout for this issue I found that I couldn’t care about what the haters thought. Ichigeki Hissatsu is all about setting trends and doing our own thing regardless of what standards have been set before us. We are not going to Pull a Mako. (Is it totally sad that I just wanted to work that reference in somewhere? Probably. But I'm just so damn excited about Zuko and Book 3 that it’s not even funny. So. What.) Anyways, *ahem* on to Issue 2. Really exited about this one. We did manage to fix some major issues that went wrong with the first issue, i.e spelling and grammar (shout out to Samantha Timms for reading over some of the articles!) Also, I just wanted to thank everyone who supported us through the process of making this magazine and also, to the fans, we <3 you and I’m hoping that you enjoy this issue as much as the first one!

Odette Nieuwoudt AKA Zana-Lee

I lost myself due to techno beast mentality. This issue is massive,. It’s not a fucking book but it pretends to be one. I try to write for the masses but I still end up saying more than I actually should. I don’t think its what I’d call over writing, more like, I just have a lot on my mind at this stage that’s fighting to get out in some form or another. Sometimes its in bursts of anger and sometimes I cum all over a pop culture magazine masquerading as a manifesto. I’ve been away. I got angry and I came back laughing. Watch us soar, not unlike Icarus, Our first attempt was to wild and artlyfe, This time we return with heavier wings. Fulled by heavier metal, set ablaze by the sun that melted his wax wings, gives us power. Makes us strong! Out of the ashes the phoenix rose. Louder. Faster. Harder. Longer! “Take me for a ride.” Oentz Oentz Oentz Xoxo Spooky <3

JGL Nieuwoudt AKA Spooky

CONTENTS 7

News

Opinion Piece - The Trouble with Fanfiction

Fairy Tail Anime Review

GTO Review

The Truth About Nisekoi

Naruto Fights VS Shippuuden Fights

Dead Space Review

Skyrim Mod of the Month

Contra Hard Corps Review

Getting into Comics

Manga Insert - Gridlocked

Spooky Writes - Trinkets

Interview - Joshua Klein

Cosplay Interview - Makii-chan

Movies - July/Aug

Superhero Cinematic Universe

Divergent Book & Movie Review

American Psycho Review

102

Son of Batman - Batman 75

104

X-Men Days of Future Past Review

107

TV Spot

112

Voice Actress Profile - Grey DeLisle

113

Flash Feature

115

Spookyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s World

129

Pop Culture Cookbook

130

Ask Nurse Joy!

Profiles

Spooky Name: Kobus Nieuwoudt Age: 24 Favourite Anime: Trigun Favorite Game: Age of Empires 2 / Do om Currently Watching: Justified Current Obsession: Kommando Jan Listening To: SAXON Reading: Judge Dredd Playing: Brutal Do om & Contra Hard Corps

Zana-Lee

Name: Odette Nieuwoudt Age: 22 Favourite Anime: Naruto/Naruto Shippuuden Favorite Game: Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic Currently Watching: The 100 Current Obsession: Sasusaku Listening To: 2NE1 Reading: Sasusaku + Klaroline Fanfiction Playing: Skyrim

Samantha Timms - Proof Reader

NEWS WHAT’S NEW

Hilary Duff ‘too cool’ for Boom Clap

The Legend of Korra Book 3: Change, Finally Starts.

Singer Charli XCX originally wrote hit song ‘Boom Clap’ for her idol, Hilary Duff. She said that writing for Duff was to be her no. 1 project as a songwriter.

Game of Thrones Season 4 comes to an end and True Blood Season 7 (the final season) starts on HBO.

Hilary Duff has been planning her new music since her last album in 2007 while working with the likes of Ed Sheeran and Dr. Luke. “When I heard about this, I was like, f*ck! Are you serious?! This is my in! I’m going to make a Hilary Duff album!” Charli XCX said to MTV UK. So, she wrote Boom Clap and sent it over and the only reply she got was that it “wasn’t cool enough for Hilary Duff.”

The Flash Pilot LEAKED.

“I was crushed.” But Hilary Duff seriously missed out. Charli XCX went ahead and released Boom Clap herself and it debuted on the Billboard Hot 100, her first solo super hit. Not only that but ‘Fancy’ (feat. Iggy Azalea) is still at number 1.

Sword Art Online 2 starts 5 July.

North Korea calls new Rogan movie an act of war Sailor Moon Crystal set to start 5 July.

The Interview starring James Franco and Seth Rogan, a movie about assassinating North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un has sparked outrage. North Korea has threatened that if the movie is released the US will face “stern and merciless” retaliation.

IH New News on Bats VS Superman

- The film has been officially titled Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice. Production has began and the movie is scheduled to hit theaters May 6, 2016. - The title definitely suggests that the Man of Steel and our favorite Dark Knight will be starting the film as enemies but will probably team up later on. - Word is that Gal Gadot, Wonder Woman, was contracted by WB to appear in three movies. One would obviously be Batman vs Superman, the second - Justice League and the third is rumored to be a Wonder Woman feature film. - Actor Ray Fisher cast as Victor Stone AKA Cyborg. Jeremy Irons as Alfred Pennyworth Jason Mamoa as Aquaman (yes, Khal Drogo)

NEWS News on the New TMNT

At the end of March the first teaser for the new reboot for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise hit YouTube (with Megan Fox ruining all of my childhood TMNT feels) now that a full trailer has been released, it’s either a love or hate with fans. Fans who grew up with the cartoon mostly hate the new adaption (and Megan Fox’s April O’Neil). What do you think? Have your say on our Facebook page!

Dredd 2 - Conversations Happening

The internet is abuzz with possible plots, endings and “leaked trailers”. Follow our news section and Facebook page for all the import stuff!

As fans call for a sequel, actor Karl Urban has only said that conversations are happening between writer Alex Garland, director Peter Travis and Lionsgate. However, there is no solid conformation that Dredd 2 will be pushed through. Rumors also suggest that Dredd might be rebooted altogether instead of a sequel. Whatever the case, a Kickstarter campaign might not be totally out of the question.

Want to join Ichigeki Hissatsu? We are lo oking for regular: - Article Writers - Opinion based - Mangaka for a monthly manga insert - Short stories and fanfiction - fan-artists - Cosplayers to be featured in the magazine We’ll need cosplay tips and tricks from those who know!

Don’t want to make a commitment? That’s fine to o! Submit your work and if we like it - we’ll publish it in the magazine. Write when you have the time!

How to contact us: via Facebook: www.fb.com/IHmagazine drop us a inbox! or email: ichigekimag@gmail.com

Opinions

Most of us read fanfics, or have at some point tried it out. Fanfiction.net is a great platform to express your creativity using your favorite characters. Sometimes the results are amazing and you give reviewers an amazing story, other times the results are…not that great. I know a bit about this as both a reader and writer on ff.net (and I am writing this piece while I am supposed to be updating both my fanfics so to any of my readers who are reading this, I'm sorry XD) There are a lot of bad stories out there and some wonderful ones, and I wanted to talk a bit about what annoys me and what can make or break a story. The points that follow here are simply my opinion and are in no way meant to insult or attack anyone. 1. OOC OOC or Out of Character is something you generally see in the summary of a fanfic and it's something that makes me scroll past the story immediately. Why? Why the hell should I read it? Say I'm in the mood for a good SasuSaku story (it is my OTP, so that would be mostly all the time) then what I am actually looking for is a fic centering around both characters going through situations that you can actually imagine Sasuke and Sakura going through. So now, we have an OOC fic. Who cares? If you're going to write OOC then you might as well make it an original story with your own characters and their own personalities. There's just no point in making it fanfiction. 2. Character Hate/Bashing Let's take a NaruHina fanfic for example. I was reading one a few weeks ago that had a really good plot and setting, a nice and believable post-war setting and then Sakura came into the picture, and the scene went a little something along the lines of this: Naruto put a hand up, his head bowed and shaking from side to side. “Just stop, Sakura.” (no chan?) Sakura took a startled step back, her brows drawing down. “Naruto?” “Look, I know I had feelings for you before, but all that has changed. I love Hinata now and I can't even stand to be around you. You never saw me and I was a fool to hold a candle for you for so damn long.” (not that Sakura was even talking about their feelings before he stopped her, which is why this scene was so confusing and pissed me off so much.)

Image copyright: tayn

The Trouble with Fanfiction Why would Naruto suddenly hate Sakura? It makes no sense, and the same could be said for other characters like Karin, Inoue, Rukia, Kagome (and Kikyo) and even the male characters Naruto, Sasuke, Ichigo, Stefan (Vampire Diaries) and Finn (The 100). In fact, for characters to suddenly hate for no reason (unless it's a part of the story the author is telling which it usually isn't.) it is OOC so refer to point #1.

Opinions

3. Swallowing the Dictionary So, you fancy yourself the next Hemmingway and decide to use it in your fanfiction. Don't. Chances are most of your readers aren't going to be from the same country as you and their native languages might not be English so in forcing them to read your fic with a dictionary nearby will probably make them drop the story for something less pretentious. Not only that, but nobody actually thinks like that, especially if you're writing in first person. That character must be a real freak. 4. Over Writing I can't explain how many fics I've come across that I find myself skipping through to the dialogue, because frankly I get bored. The tedious over writing and explaining every damn detail in the most excruciating way. Sure, a lot of readers enjoying being pulled in by details immersing themselves in the story IF it's done right. And it rarely is. Then there are readers who enjoy the action more and are most likely to drop a fic if it has that much tedious reading especially if it's excessively boring. 5. Unrealistic Ships WELCOME TO: It's Never Going to Happen Land And this has to be the most annoying thing. When I write/read fanfics, I usually do so with characters/situations that I can actually see happening in the anime or manga. Then there are those pairings where I just find myself whimpering an embarrassed 'no' before promptly facepalming. I have an entire list but will keep this short for the purposes of this piece. GUY AND LEE. Not much to say here. Father/son relationship. It's incestuous. Speaking of, NEJIXHINATA. Don't ever say that in front of me. Any student teacher romantic relations in Team 7 lol no. And the absolute bane of my existence reading an amazing fic only to realize Sakura's parents are a gay Kakashi and Iruka. Are you kidding me? (It's actually a really popular shipâ&#x20AC;Ś.I don't get it, either) For me, as a strong shipper, it's all about ships that can actually happen, that have a CHANCE of happening, i.e SasuSaku, NaruHina, ShikaTema, IchiRuki, NaLu, Lyuvia, Jerza, Bellarke etc. Whereas, you have to be realistic Guy and Lee are never going to fall in love. It's a hard truth for those of you who were rooting for them from the darkness of your hearts and that's probably why you write fanfics. 6. Taboo Tags AU. SasuSaku. M-Rated. Brother and Sister. OR Step-brother and sister. (like that makes a difference?) *scrolls over to next fic* This is wrong and a ridiculous waste of time for writers. Get some help.

I'll probably get a lot of hate for this, but it is an opinion piece, which is strongly stressed. It is just MY opinion and everyone is entitled to feel the way that they do about this. Zana out.

Anime

By Zana-Lee

Fairy Tail Episodes: 175 Status: Finished Airing Producers: TV Tokyo, Satelight, Dentsu, A-1 Pictures, FUNimation, Pony Canyon, Kodansha, DAX Production, Sakura Create Genres: Action, Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy, Magic, Shounen Rating: PG13 Summary: Seventeen-year-old Lucy Heartfilia wants to become a full-fledged mage by joining one of the most respected guilds around, Fairy Tail. By chance, she meets Natsu Dragneel, a boy looking for the dragon Igneel, and he is coincidently the person who can help Lucy join Fairy Tail since he is a member. Fairy Tail follows the life of Lucy, as she, Natsu and their friends Happy, Gray, and Erza go on various missions and defeat the strongest foes. In the time I started watching Fairy Tail (FT from here on) I was watching quite a few heavy anime, including Shingeki no Kyojin so the moment I watched the first episode of FT I definitely knew I was going to like it. It was just the light-hearted anime that I needed. It had likeable characters, comedy and adventure. Unfortunately, there was quite a bit of fanservice but I decided to give the show a chance anyway. Following the first few episodes, I was thoroughly entertained. It introduced all the main characters and you got to know their basic abilities. Lucy with her Celestial Keys, Natsu with Dragon Slayer Fire, Gray with his Ice Make and Erza with her transformative and unbeatable swords. The premise of the show was established. The second arc followed and then the third and that's when the pattern hit me. There was a very clear point from where one arc ended And another began and they all seemed to follow the same build. New enemy arrives, does something bad. Characters are pissed, a lot of talking about nakama. Then the enemy is found or they find the main characters. Battle takes place. Looks like main characters are going to lose. Nakama power ensues. The battle is won. Still, I continued watching. Despite noticing this flaw in the build of the arcs, I was still entertained by the story and the characters. The short arcs didn't help much for any character development so there were a few

times where I debated whether or not to drop the anime and move on to something else. And that was when The Tower of Heaven arc started. Maybe it's because I'm a sucker for this kind of love story or maybe it was because it finally seemed like the anime may get an ongoing plot line. Either way, it was something different and I was flying through episodes again, with a new ship: Jerza which is still my favorite FT pairing to date. Fan-favourite arc Edolas was not a hit with me, in fact I was more or less bored the entire time, and it felt like the longest arc of the entire anime. It was interesting to a degree but I just felt like it could have been resolved much, much quicker. Other than the Tower of Heaven arc, I really enjoyed Tenrou Island. An S-class Promotion Trail where the FT mages all compete against each other to gain a higher ranking in the guild. The story line was a lot of fun, while also setting up for the following arcs. They also throw in a completely out there seven year time skip. Why seven years? What. Which is followed by the most grueling filler arc I have ever watched in my entire life (move over Bleach vampires). Seriously, it was a nightmare to get through. I couldn't have cared less about Lucy's â&#x20AC;&#x153;sisterâ&#x20AC;?. Ironically, this arc produced

Anime

the best ending I'd heard in FT to date, Glitter (Starving Trancer Remix) by Another Infinity and Mayumi. Throughout the anime there were openings and endings that I liked but none that really stood out enough that I actually loved it. Except for Glitter. Overall, FT has two things that are completely outstanding 1. The animation and 2. The music. When I say music, I mean the original music. FT (other than Naruto whose music has a really unique traditional feel) has a sound that you can immediately associate with the anime. There is nothing generic about it. The general sound of the anime has sort of a Celtic feel to it. The composer, Yashuharu Takanashi, really managed to capture the essence and the feel of the world and the character personalities much like Toshiro Masuda managed to do with Naruto. The openings and endings aren't really exceptional but I believe the original music saves the anime, especially during the fight scenes. I would recommend watching the last arc again before picking up the second season (or from episode 176 as some websites have it listed). I finished watching FT last year and I was quite confused when I just started watching again and would often find myself thinking 'oh, that's right, that happened!'.

The second season does have the Best opening in FT so far, Masayume Chasing by BoA. Or maybe I just love it because of the Natsu and Lucy scenes in the openingâ&#x20AC;Ś. I wouldn't count FT under my favourite anime BUT I would recommend it to anyone. It's just a fun anime to watch, Sometimes a little hard to get through, but there are some amazing arcs that are totally worth it. Zana-Lee's verdict: Recommended.

Anime

The Greatest Teacher

In the World

Anime

GREAT TEACHER

ONIZUKA!

! E C I N y r Ve

Anime

“It's real. It doesn't feel forced or shallow, these characters deal with real situations. with Without a doubt. Great Teacher Onizuka is not only one of the greatest anime I have ever had the privilege to see but also one of the funniest! And that’s high praise seeing as I rarely even get past the first episode of most anime. That being said, I

very real emotions.”

think the reason I love this show so much is because its everything modern anime isn't. Onizuka Eikichi is probably one of the most loved protagonists of all time, and there’s good reason for that. If you think about it, GTO (as it's styled) should have been one farce after the other, I mean its about a Delinquent/Legendary gang leader who turns teacher. Come on. That right there could have gone either way. 90's action in the vein of The Substitute. Or completely derail. It has a bit of both I guess. But what really sets this work apart from others is one thing most anime seem to lack today. One: It's real. It doesn't feel forced or shallow, these characters deal with real situations with very real emotions (Well as far Japanese culture goes) and its got major heart! Yes. You heard right, heart! Take that as you want to, but if I'm watching a show, what really pushes it to greatness is that vital ingredient most seem to do away with today. You can be a bad ass, but without a little compassion or growth you are just some cardboard cut out put there to sell action figures and posters to 14 year old girls. Sorry to break it to you like this, dude.

Anime

Now, thats not to say this show doesn't have some epic bad ass fuckin moments! The hammer episode (fans will know what I'm referring to) Jesus, Onizuka is probably one of the most bad ass characters ever conceived. He probably lit a cigarette right after birth and then proceeded to throw the doc a big motherfuckin finger. There's a couple of shining moments for me in this show. Lets see: One of my favourite episodes is the one that takes place in that hotel room, where the mean girls get abducted and Onizuka has to save them from gang members. Most of the Yakuza themed episodes are epic. The episodes where Onizuka has to write the exam. Brilliant as well. And who can forget: MY CRESTAAAA!

Truth is, in my opinion Onizuka is the perfect example of a hero, he has all the attributes that qualifies him as such. He's not perfect, don't get me wrong. But, that is exactly what makes this guy so endearing. This guy will do anything for his students, no matter what the cost, sometimes being his life itself, yet he does so selflessly without asking anything but a lesson in return. Onizuka is fucking insane! He does the most insane shit you can think of and lives to tell the tale, each and everytime, sometimes escaping the rapid moving jaws of death by a hair, but he makes it! This show has everything a true anime fan could want. This show appeals to

This show has everything a true anime

anybody that likes well told stories,

fan could want. This show appeals to

brilliant animation and endearing

anybody that likes well told stories,

characters. And I hear the dub aint too

brilliant animation and endearing

shabby itself!

characters.

Anime

Spooky.

Anime

The Truth About Nisekoi

WARNING: Contains Spoilers from the Anime & Manga

By Zana-Lee

The reason I started watching “Nisekoi” was because I'd heard that it was a 'shounen' manga turned anime, 'sliceof-life' (which I'm not a really huge fan of) with mafia elements. What I got was something completely different. My first thought after watching the first episode was that this anime was DEFINITELY not a 'shounen', and secondly, the mafia elements (which I was the most excited about) kind of faded to the back because of the blatant and weak romance elements.

But “Nisekoi” even falls flat in that element. What I don't understand is why this anime is being promoted as a 'shounen' when even the base editing (i.e. pretty colors floating around) is made up of basic 'shoujo-visual' styles. “Nisekoi's” story also fails to impress, the overused plot has nothing original about it and even “Nisekoi's” twist to it wasn't completely mind blowing, and, lo and behold: ANOTHER love triangle, not to mention the whole locket-andkey-happily-ever-after thing. The plot is simply clichéd. Not only that, but it eventually turns into a harem and suddenly everyone has keys and to top it all off, the main character even has amnesia.

Exactly was trying to be a joke. The only thing that tries to be original in this story is most likely the very thin mafia elements. Other than that, most of it is completely unbearable. The plot is a complete mess up to the point where the girl actually confesses and it's all, “Oh my God, I fell asleep at that exact moment!” Its madness and it's at that moment where you actually flip a table.

Obviously the creators are milking every damn cliché in the book to make this anime and manga work. And the truth is, it doesn't. Many anime with lacking plots add some fanservice to spice things up. But honestly, I don't think that “Nisekoi” can be saved even At first, of course, I watched the anime by that. What's good about it: The animation is pretty good. One thing I trying to concentrate and telling did like was Chitoge's hair. Even if they Now, I should make this clear: I am not myself it wasn't that bad and that it overused animation and had a lot of a fan of 'shoujo' at all (more on this on would get better. It did not. The only still frames, the animation did have a another day). I loved “NANA” and “Skip barely-interesting characters seem to nice flow to it. Beat!” and that was mostly because of be Raku and Chitoge whilst the rest of I honestly wouldn't recommend this the perfect balance between music and the cast try to rival each other in romance. Yes, I am a girl, and I do uselessness. Maybe the comedy would anime to anyone. There are many anime and manga out there with enjoy a good romance plot from time to have saved the story … Unfortunately, MUCH better and more captivating time in fact, one of my main reasons not. In fact, I wasn't sure what they for loving 'shounen' is because of all of were trying to achieve. Perhaps a laugh plots than this one. the 'ships' (I'm a huge 'shipper'), track would have pointed out what

Anime

Fights in Naruto

My friend and I had a conversation about this not too long ago when I was re-watching the entire first part of “Naruto” (excluding fillers, of course) and after Googling about ten pages, I couldn't find that anyone might have compared this (I apologize if I just couldn't find it!).

Fights in Shippuuden Every character fought like a ninja should the battles involved strategy, analyzing your opponent's abilities and exposing their weaknesses. Great examples of this would definitely be Neji VS Kidoumaru (one of the Sound 5), Kakashi VS Zabuza, Naruto VS Neji and, of course, any fight with Shikamaru (the battle with Temari is an especially excellent example). Although Part 1 focused more on the ‘Rookie 9/Konoha 12', we got to see each of them fighting their own battles. You could see each of their struggles and the hard work they put into each battle, and essentially, that was the reason we became attached to most of the characters.

What I found from my time re-watching “Naruto” was that compared to “Shippuuden” the fights were definitely a lot more ninja-like in terms of predicting future moves, using weapons etc. Shikamaru isn't the best example since he uses these tactics in both Part 1 and 'Shippuuden', but during the chuunin exams it could be seen in almost every battle, including the Sakura VS Ino battle. The battles were well thought out by the characters participating and you could see them trying to out-think each other from scene to scene. Sasuke and Shikamaru are, in my opinion, probably the most perfect. In the “Naruto” sense of how a ninja should fight (or at least, by the standards set in Part 1) Sasuke is a natural not only through hard work (in trying to come out of his brother's shadow, and then attaining the strength to kill him) but also because he is a prodigy who inherited the power of the Sharingan, and in knowing how to utilize these traits, he becomes exceptional in battle. In Shikamaru's case, being a genius doesn't hurt! Through honing his tactical skills by playing Shougi (a strategy-based board game similar to chess) he is able to predict the entire outcome of a battle by going through every possible scenario in his head and choosing the best one.

Shippuuden is rather different in terms of this. Sure, many battles still have a strategic element (i.e. Sasuke VS Deidara) but mostly fights are now focused on brute strength and huge jutsu (meteors falling from the sky! You get my point), not to mention we haven't even seen most of our favorite characters really fight. Of course, it was shown how Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura had grown over the three year gap, but what about the other characters focused on during Part 1? They should also have some epic battles (and not just a few episodes/chapters before they die!) I also wanted to talk a bit about Sasuke as an example who, as I have mentioned, is almost above everyone else an amazing ninja or I should say he “was”. After gaining Susano'o it's basically the only thing he uses.

By Zana-Lee

Anime

Shooting laser-chakra arrows at his enemies like it's nobody's business. I love Sasuke's Sharingan (I'll always be the first to admit that) But I really liked it more when he didn't rely on Sharingan-jutsu so much and focused more on strategy and maybe threw in a bit of Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu! After his battle with Itachi, whereafter he attains the Mangekyou Sharingan, and considering the direction of the manga, I wonder if he'll ever stop relying on those eyes.

As always, this subject is up for discussion on our Facebook page! Have your say there!

Gaming

By Zana-Lee

Played on: PC Available on: PC, PS3, XBOX360 Developer: EA Redwood Shores (now Visceral Games) Publisher: Electronic Arts Genre: Third-person shooter, survival horror Released: 2008 Summary: A massive deep-space mining ship goes dark after unearthing a strange artifact on a distant planet. Engineer Isaac Clarke embarks on the repair mission, only to uncover a nightmarish bloodbath the ship's crew horribly slaughtered and infected by an alien scourge. Now Isaac is cut off, trapped, and engaged in a desperate fight for survival. Spooky happened to get the game somewhere recently and suggested I do a review on it since I'm a huge fan of survival horror and space games in general. So I decided to give it a go, needless to say I wasn't impressed. I should start off by saying that the game has a nice story, I enjoyed the introduction of the characters and the setting of where the game was at and that the protagonist, Isaac Clarke has had no prior training, and doesn't head onto the interstellar mining ship, the USG Ishimura, packing ammo and weapons. As they head onto the Ishimura after responding the it's distress signal, they find the ship abandoned and after a bit of looking around they are attacked by monsters and the entire team is killed off, save for Isaac, Commander Zach and Computer Specialist Kendra Daniels. Isaac is sent to fix the ship's systems to keep them alive long enough for rescue. The plot was about the only thing I liked of this game, everything else on the PC port just felt like a mess. The camera was so jerky that I felt sick and couldn't play for long periods at a time. You play in an over-the-shoulder third person with no option to zoom out. Dead Space also doesn't use the traditional Heads Up Display. Which is confusing at first when Isaac is even more hunched over than usual due to low health

and you have no idea how to check it: the health bar is displayed on his spine. Also, the aliens cannot be killed either, you have to dismember them. This becomes increasingly annoying since the aiming is about the hardest aspect in the game and no amount of quirking the mouse sensitivity helps. So I basically bashed my way through enemies as I went along and saved ammo for when I needed to blast other things. The only fix I could find on the internet was disabling the VSync, but it offered little change to the problems I had. The survival horror elements really stood out, since Dead Space was the first space survival horror I've played I found it really exciting. Overall I have to say that Dead Space as a game is entertaining and deserves all of its awards. However, this is one of the worst pc ports I have ever played in terms of camera and controls. I would recommend getting the game on PS3 or XBOX 360. It's a must play for story and survival horror!

Anime

One of the things that I'’ve always disliked about Skyrim is the fact that it’s not all that realistic. Thanks to various mods that has slowly begun to change. Thanks to ApolloDown and his various gameplay overhaul mods, Skyrim has become a whole lot more legendary. Take his DragonCombatOverhaul mod for example. Imagine you are walking along in Skyrim when all of a sudden you spot a dragon. You fire a few fireballs or arrows at it and it flies down towards you. It lands, and with DCO it pushes you off your feet! Now, it flies back off and all of a sudden it calls two other dragons for help! Imagine that! Now you have to deal with three dragons. Which, is a whole lot more realistic, Birds call for help all the time, so do reptiles.

As mentioned earlier every single movement of the dragon is now loaded with force. Every wing flap creates a knock back effect.

These dragons, when calling for help and help does arrive, will attack you as a team and not separately as you are used to. It’s one hell of an experience I can tell you that!

Everything is now laden with realism, things lie friction, momentum and resistence are now all pa of dragon battles.

I remember when I first played a game with this mod and I experienced the team battles. It was one of the most epic things I’ve ever experienced in a game! You will need the following in order to enjoy this mod: SKSE and the latest Skyrim update.

Skyrim Mod of the Month Enjoy! Spooky.

Gaming

How does contra fare on a system with blast processing?

WELL CONTRA HARD CORPS WILL SCALP YOU AND LEAVE YOU WANTING MORE! (If you played this in the 90s you were grinded, today with all of the tech available, you're getting scalped motherfuckas.)

Released in 1994 exclusively for the Sega Genesis and Megadrives. Contra: Hard Corps has become known as one of the single most toughest games released for the system. But, then again. Real gamers welcome the challenge, as well they should, because the pay off is more than just finally unlocking that ending. No. The beauty of Contra: Hard Corps is not the goal, but the journey itself.

Retro-Kid Spooky

Gaming

CHECK THIS OUT! A. Which one is this again? The one that came out on the Genesis and Megadrive ( Same system, regional name changes.) B. So we got the Megadrive? Yep. C: Doesn't the Contra series have a different name over here? Yeah, Probotector. Play the American or Japanese one. D: Why? Because they changed all the damn characters with Robots.

Gaming

E: How did they do shit like that back then? I could go into it, but, I'm not getting any cash for this so I'll refer you to a website: Romhacking.net. Study the help files and various tools and if you really want to be otherwise you can change the character sprites as you like. F: Okay... Yeah. G: What makes this game any better than the SNES games? Well, you get to choose from four different characters. A dude, a chick , a miniture android and the lastly my favourite : HEAVY METAL WEREWOLF/CYBORG WITH A GUN ARM NAMED FANG! And then a bunch of other stuff. H. God this game is killing me! Why is it so damn hard?! You only have 3 lives in the American version,

Gaming

N. Yeah, why haven't this been re released on the virtual stores already? Dunno, but the original is hella expensive because of it. Its never been ported or anything like that, which is strange, considering how brilliant it is. I. Dude! This game totally rocks! Damn right! Everything explodes, not to mention the kick-ass soundtrack. J. Yeah! Who done that in anyway? That chick who did all of the early Castlevania's Michiru Yamane. She Bad Ass right? K. Yeah, man. I dig the Techno. It fits well with the visuals. Damn, it has a Cyberpunk feel to it doesn't it? L. Yeah! And some of it feels like you are playing a movie. Yup, its heavy cinematic. Theres this one scene where you are walking down into this tunnel and the music starts playing, felt like I was going into a futuristic club! M. Those boss fights! Huge, right? All the bosses in this game are of that epic nature. They fill up the entire screen most of the time. And its challenging as well. The first time I saw Maximum Jumbo, it was like I was playing Castlevania again and I face that giant bat for the first time. Only difference is, bad ass Techno from Michiru, baby!

O. Dude, you know how epic this game would be with a remastered soundtrack on a system that can handle it? Yeah, it would be sweet, I found something epic some time ago, by a composer known as Jon Weinel. HE makes electronic music, he did this video where he added his music to the first level of Hard Corps, epic to say the least. It adds dub step and break core and all kinds of other sweet things into the mix. P. Where the hell can I find this video? Naw! thank me later! Q. This shit has multiplayer as well? Yeah. It. Does. Couch, baby. And you can play online if you can figure it out. R. What else is there on this system that's like this? There's a company called RARE, check them out. Three words: GUN STAR HEROES. S. Cool, man. No probs.

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

Getting into comics!

Shit, man

Even I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know where to start!

The easy peasy way!

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

With the influx of Super Hero dominated films and Television shows in the last 10 years or so, a whole lot of people would like to get in on the comic book action. A whole lot more could be gotten from going through the source material, but most of the time, especially for new readers it can be an especially daunting task. So, for your pleasure I've drawn up an easy to use guide: You get four kinds of comic books nl: Mainstream, Independent, Manga and European. Mainstream are books by the big two: Marvel and DC. Independent: Image Comics and all the others incl those you find online and those that are self published. Manga: Viz, Dark Horse Manga and all of the rest like the old Tokyo Pop. European: Bande Desinee from France, Strip Boeken from Belgium, Italian and Spanish Comics and then lastly British Comics by publishers like Rebellion and 2000 AD.

Alright so lets start off with the big two: So you've seen Days of Future Past and you'd like to still your craving for more X-Men? Or you want more of Arrow or some of The Flash? Here's how it works. You get different Eras of comic books and each has its own merits and demerits in relation to modern comic books. Golden Age: This is where it all started. Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Shazam! Captain America could also be included here.

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

Silver Age: This is where Marvel starts. Spider-Man, X-Men, Doctor Strange, Incredible Hulk, Thor and the Fantastic Four. Including The Avengers with the modern Captain America. This is also where the BATMANIA time period took place, so you can expect your Batman comics to be in the same light tone as the Adam West TV series. Anything by Kirby is good in this period. Brilliant even. Check out Thor, The Fantastic Four and The Silver Surfer. Doctor Strange is particularly good, with Stan Lee and Steve Ditko. And of course those early Spidey's which everybody seems to love. Bronze Age: They say this age started with what happened at the end of Amazing Spider-man 2, an important character died and never came back. With this, comics became a whole lot more serious. This is where Green Arrow started dealing with drugs and Batman became the Dark Knight, but, he was still millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne. Spider-Man was king and Wolverine was born along with the All New all Different X-Men. This is where Superman became a TV news Reporter, and also the age where Christopher Reeves first donned the blue tights. Fantastic Four and the Avengers were particularly good during this time as well. Also: The Marvel Horror line. To compete with Warren Magazine, Marvel started their own Horror line. Tomb of Dracula is a must. Also, Conan and the Savage Sword of Conan those are really worth it if you love things like Game of Thrones.

Comics from this time has a very distinct writing style, especially those that were published by Marvel Comics. They had a formula. A Winning formula!

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

Copper Age: The 80's. This is basically for the early half, The X-Men's age. Chris Claremont is the name to remember here, because he wrote all of the classics. Days of Future Past, The Phoenix Saga, Dark Phoenix Saga, God Loves Man Kills. Shiar Invasion. You name it. He wrote X-Men for a long time. And most of his first run is epic. This is also the Age where Spider-Man got his black costume, and the time when Venom appeared. Daredevil with Frank Miller is also very fondly remembered. If you love Arrow, you should check out the Teen Titans of the early 80's, Deathstroke goodness. And then, we finally get to the British Invasion. Along with the Invasion we got the graphic novel boom, these two go hand in hand. Here's a list of good picks: Dark Knight Returns. The book that changed Batman forever. This is where it became less about the money and more about the duality of the mask and the man. The Killing Joke: An epic Joker tale. This is where the Oracle is made. Arkham Asylum: Grant Morrison. All that needs to be said. Watchmen: Very acclaimed Graphic Novel. And many others. With this a whole lot of these English Writers and Artists got other gigs on very famous American properties. Among them were Alan Moore on Swamp Thing. This is seen as one of the greatest comic book runs. It also introduces John Constantine. Alan Davis drew Detective Comics with Alan Barr writing. Very good Pre-Crisis run. Justice League International is one of essential runs on the title along with Legion of Super Heroes with Doom Patrol and Animal Man. Other things that happened in the Copper Age are the very first Crisis: Crisis on Infinite Earths. Where the first DC Comics reboot happened. Superman started at a new Number 1 with a revised origin and with Lex Luthor becoming a business tycoon rather than a Mad Scientist he's always been. Batman Year One to Three was told. And the second Robin was brutally murdered by fans phoning in to vote for him to live or to die. He didn't make it. The 80's was a very good decade for comic books in general. ( Also, Peter David on Incredible Hulk and Walt Simmonson on The Mighty Thor!)

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

Chromium Era The Chromium Era starts with the influx of young bad ass new artists flooding the scene with radical new styles that did away with the past and focused more on style. Artists like Rob Liefeld, Todd Mcfarlane and Jim Lee. This marks the end of the Claremont run on the Uncanny X-men and the first time ever that The X-Men was popular enough for a direct spin off that dealt with the second team, simply known as X-Men. This is the age of the super star artists, and also the age of the gimmick. Vertigo was started over at DC a separate imprint dealing with darker themes and mostly things of a supernatural nature. John Constantine got his own book here called Hellblazer. Swamp Thing moved over to Vertigo as well and then a very popular and acclaimed book known as Sandman appeared. If you are looking for a serious look at the Supernatural presented in a mature way you should check out the Vertigo books. These books are pretty fearless, so be warned. Over at Marvel those super star artists mentioned earlier was blazing a trail so deep that DC was struggling to keep their heads above water with all the press and sales those guys were getting Marvel. Rob Liefeld took the reigns of a popular book known as New Mutants and introduced characters like Cable, Domino and of course Deadpool. The book soon changed its name to X-Force and featured epic 90's action movie plots and explosions every hotblooded man will appreciate, I'm particularly fond of the issues where Cannonball and the rest of the team go looking for Cable on his Spaceship Graymalkin and they run into SH.I.E.L.D. There's a whole lot to love about the early XForce runs.

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

Jim Lee got a big one along with Todd Mcfarlane, Jim got X-Men after Claremont â&#x20AC;&#x153;finishedâ&#x20AC;? his run. ( He wanted to end the book but they wouldn't let him so they put an artist on the book.) and Todd got Spider-Man, X-Men issue 1 along with X-force issue 1 are still two of the best selling comics ever published. So after the super stars left to form Image Comics, Marvel had to do something to keep the money coming in. So, they flooded the market with gimmick covers and variants that are all commonplace today, but, back then it was twice as bad. Glow in the dark covers, pop up pages, you name it. Worst of all this is where those impossible crossovers really started to take hold. If you want big expensive company wide crossovers look no further than Marvel of the 90's . Lets see. They had a crossover almost every single year, most of them forgettable. Also, Wolverine had his adamantium forcefully removed by Magneto and he had, for the very first time, bone claws. This also led him to regress into some bestial state by 1997. ( This happened during the Fatal Attractions story line. It's a pretty cool storyline. I think this is also the run where Cable squared off against Magneto on Graymalkin.) Gambit also appeared for the very first time along with Bishop, all very interesting stuff until that also regresses into a soap opera, yes X-Men by the end of the 90's wasn't any better than the Bold and the Beautiful. Also, The Spider-Man Clone Saga, Ben Reily and the Legacy Virus( House of M of the early 90's aka HIV for mutants.)

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

Okay so what do you get from this extremely long era? Be warned, there's so much glut here its unreal. Superman had like 5 different monthly books, Batman even more. And at Marvel its even worse.

DC: Most of the Batman runs. Which are almost all collected. Starting with KnightFall and Ending with Cataclysm if I'm not mistaken. Before Knightfall, you could try and find the introduction of the new Robin: Tim Drake. A few great issues with the scarecrow! Death of Superman and everything related. This is the famous arc that shows what a world without Superman would be like, it has everything form the fight with Doomsday to the replacement Supermen and everything that follows. I think everything has been collected here in some form or another. Green Lantern goes insane and becomes Parallax. The Grant Morrison JLA run. There's an animated film that deals with this story line. Grant Ennis' Preacher and Hit Man runs ( Including his Hellblazer run. Dangerous Habits.) Shazam! Ongoing run. The Spectre run. Robin by Chuck Dixon. The Lobo runs. Vertigo: Hellblazer Transmetropolitan Preacher Sandman Marvel: Generation X Deadpool by Joe Kelly ( Trust me, get all of these.) X-Factor by Peter David. Age of Apocalypse ( People voted This the best X-Men crossover ever.) The Marvel 2099 stuff Punisher: War Zone The Chuck Dixon Punisher stuff. Punisher (over all. Except for the 95 reboot, The Pony Tail Punisher gets a No from me.) Avengers, after the Heroes Reborn stuff.

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

Modern Age So after the Chromium age drove comics into a depression, with the speculation market crashing by the mid 90s, Partly because of those super star artists we finally get back on track. But it's still not the 70s or 80s. But at least we have the Buffy guy, Joss Wheadon, the guy who directed the Avengers ( and wrote it as well if I'm not mistaken.) scribing a new X-Men comic. And away with the snarky females we go. The main problem is, by this point it's way too hard getting into anything because most people stopped reading when the chromium age started, some loyal fans stuck around until the Onslaught saga but with all the hate I see for it I'm guessing they didn't stick around for it to end. I like the X-Factor issues of those though, with the Jeff Matsuda art. Was during the whole Manga Phase comics went through in the mid 90s. So, don't expect to know what's going on in any of these X-Men books when you pick them up. Most of them rely to much on previous continuity, and getting up to date isn't just watching an entire weekends worth of Arrow. So, what is this age known for? Well, mostly all the Super-Hero movies. Okay so maybe not just that but a whole lot of bad. So where to start? This time DC was on top and Marvel got all the hate. Okay. So if the Chromium age is the Age of super star artists, the Modern Age is the age of super star writers. It probably started with Grant Morrison's X-Men. He gave them those black leathers they run around in, in the first three X-Men movies. It did really well and on came the Modern Age. DC did really well this time. With the exception of the Identity Crisis, there is a whole lot of love for this age. I mean you can probably buy every Batman collection starting from Frank Millers The Dark Knight all the way up to the last of Grant Morrison's issues before the New 52 and you'd be happy. Batman was on top in the Modern Age. Everything that came out, every big story arc got good press. All thanks to the Christopher Nolan movies I guess. Having a connotation of greatest Comic Book adaptation ever made will do that to a character. Superman had some choice picks as well. Starting with the Joe Kelly run ( Remember him from Deadpool?) you will probably enjoy most of it. The best are probably the Grant Morrison run on All Star Superman and the odd Graphic Novel. Some of it is bad, like the EMO stuff. There was a few crossovers as well, like the next crisis, which seems to divide people. And then 52. Teen Titans was good, along with everything else that guy seems to do, including bringing The Flash back and making Green Lantern one of the coolest comics to collect in like, ever. So, over at Marvel we get some cool stuff as well. The Ultimate X-men and Spider-Man comics are very good. I especially love how the first arc in Ultimate X-Men ends. A whole lot like the Days of Future Past film played out. But the movie still lacked the shot of the President naked at Magneto's feet. One of the greatest panels ever conceived. Another cool book you guys should check out are the Cable and Deadpool books, brilliantly funny.

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

Now lets get to the nitty gritty. Brian Micheal Bendis. That post Heroes Reborn Avengers book was a very well loved book by many. And then When BMB got a hold of it he changed everything. Some say for the good, others just outright hate the guys guts. So he ends the Avengers and immediately starts a company wide crossover known as House of M. They wanted to do some house cleaning so they depowered more than half of the mutants in the Marvel universe. Some of them dying because of the sudden loss of their powers. Yes, this is also the age of shock, not as bad as the one we are in right now, but the things they did in some of these comics are pretty bad. So we get something good out of the House of M thing. X-Factor is restarted after the Madrox mini-series, and guess who gets to take the reigns? None other than the man himself, Peter Alan David. The guy who originally turned this team into something brilliant. This is a good series by the way, a detective noir with mutants, very cool. Okay so what else. World War Hulk. The Illuminate ( Marvel's version of course.) sends the Incredible Hulk to a war like planet against his will because they think that he is to dangerous to be left on earth any longer. So Hulk lands on this planet and becomes a gladiator, ( Planet Hulk. For the collection.) defeats everybody and comes crashing back to earth seeking revenge. ( World War Hulk.) and he fights everyone. Civil War , another company wide crossover. It's the Mutant Registration Act, but for everybody in the Marvel Universe who wears a mask or has any kind of powers. Its all about choosing sides, for the government or against it. And at the end they pit everyone against each other. So more X-Men crossovers take place, the only one that I'd still like to read is Messiah Complex. All of the Modern Age X-men arcs are pretty much collected so it's easily obtainable. Then we get to another flagship character. Spider-Man. If there is one character that has a vocal fan base it's this guy. A whole lot of bad happened to him during the Modern Age. So when you go in as a fan, expect to get angry now and again (more BMB lol). Also, Wolverine finally figures out who he is, and his mind is unlocked, and so he goes on a killing spree. And Deadpool, he finally became the character he always deserved to be. He became one of those characters that had like five monthly books dedicated to him alone, he even got his own team. It just feels right doesn't it? For a character created by the ultimate super star artist of the chromium age.

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

New X-men is good and the series that precedes it. Everything about the Garth Ennis Punisher is worth your time. Back in the DC Universe. All hell breaks loose in the Green Lantern comics. Flash goes to a parallel dimension where Bruce Wayne's father is Batman with a gun. (Flashpoint) And Grant Morrison takes on Batman for a couple of years, and writes one of the greatest runs on the title as well. He gives Batman a son amongst other things. And then it all ends. Final Crisis occurs and the DC Universe reboots with the New 52 and we Enter the:

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

Digital Age. With the start of the New 52 we entered the Digital Age. Everything in the New 52 has been collected in some form or another. Plus, its a great jumping on point. That is if you enjoy stories where The Joker cuts his own face off and starts wearing it as a mask? Things to get here: I haven't read any New 52 comics, I have some, Batman Beyond among others but I just got that because of the cartoon. This is what I've heard is good: The Batman Stuff by Scott Snyder. Green Arrow after a certain point like issue 15. Wonder Woman is apparently like God of War now, so it seems like fun. Action Comics by Grant Morrison. I actually want these. The Batman stuff by Grant Morrison. The Green Lantern stuff. The offbeat characters like: Booster Gold Animal Man

So, how do I go about collecting these? Well, as you can see it's some task. Plus, the amount of time and money you'll need is immense. This is what I'd do: If you like Batman, buy whatever interests you, they are all good. Just don't buy something that leads on from something else. The Modern age stuff are all connected somehow, and the Death in the Family collection is essential for the Modern Age stuff. The New 52 stuff are a little wonky on continuity so don't worry about those in relation to the other collections. If you like Superman: Buy by writer or story arc. It's just easier that way. There's just so much ground to cover. Some of the Chromium stuff hasn't been collected, or most of them, because these collections work by arc. If you like Arrow: Buy by writer. Denny O'Neil and Neil Addams' Bronze Age run is essential and then you could head for the Chromium run and then get into the Modern Age. But if you have no previous knowledge of the character except for the show, start at the first New 52 collection. If you like The Flash: The modern stuff is where you want to start. The Rebirth books are a good jumping on point.

Comics, Graphic Novels & Manga

If you like John Constantine: These work in arcs so you can buy whatever you like here as well. You can start at the Swamp Thing collections or head straight for the Ennis books like Dangerous Habits. It's a long running series so its pretty enjoyable. He's recently been canceled and put back into the regular DC universe. If you like Jonah Hex: Then you are my buddy and you should start with the modern age stuff. (Only because most of the 70's stuff hasn't been collected!) If you like Green Lantern: Then start with the Modern Age stuff. Apparently they are all very good Star Wars-y space opera stuff.

If you like the X-Men: Then I feel sorry for you lol. Start at the beginning with the Essential X-Men collections, they are phonebook sized cheap black and white reprints of everything from the Golden Age up until the final days of the Copper Age. Then start taking out serious money and collect those giant crossover collections form the Chromium age. The Complete Onslaught saga, XCutioners Song, Age of Apocalypse etc. There's a whole lot of Spin off's and mini series to collect as well, so keep to the main series, unless you are one of those sado Wolverine Fans that wants to collect every single appearance he's made. Then good luck with that. After that it's pretty easy but still expensive as hell, because the Modern Age is pretty well collected. Some of the early stuff is available in color, but are much more expensive and harder to obtain. Or, alternatively. Uncannyxmen.net and Wikipedia are your friends. If you like Spider-Man: Buy the Essential Spider-Man books then follow on by arc. If you like any of the Avengers: You can get the individual Essential collections or the Avengers ones. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But.â&#x20AC;? if you love Thor get the Thor collections in color. Especially the famous 80s stuff. The 70s Avengers are very good, but if you have to skip all those, go right for the post Heroes Reborn stuff. And continue on from there. There's also collections known as New Avengers. Those are post House of M teams that consist of both Avenger characters plus both Wolverine and Spider-Man. If those interests you get them as well. If you like the Tony Stark characterization in the films go for the modern age collections of Iron Man. If you like the Incredible Hulk: Start with the Peter David stuff from the 80's then head through to the Modern Age. If you like Wolverine: By arc or the Essential Volumes. And Lastly if you love Deadpool: Buy all the Deadpool Classic collections and then head for the Cable/Deadpool volumes, after that you can do what you like.

What other option is there? Buy digitally, off Comixology. Its way cheap and you get to read complete runs much easier ( On your Ipad or computer.) and you'll sleep much better this way. But, in the end, nothing beats the real thing.

Next: Independent!

IH When we last left our heroes...

SPOOKY WRITES

Groupies: Like air to a struggling God. By JGL Nieuwoudt II I'm going to get serious here for a second, not something you'll see a whole lot of I confess. It's better, for me, to go through life wearing those wide screen rose tinted sun glasses. And sometimes, it's better for me to just stare right into the sun. Cause the burn, like it or not, even though it will indefinitely dry out your soul, does serve a greater purpose. I've always said that I hated the cold, as metaphorical as that might sound it happens to be true. I do hate being cold. And I'd rather go to hell than be stranded another hour in this snow storm, rather just let the fire take me and be done with it. This, I think is where she comes in, you all know who I mean. She is that one thing on earth that can pull you out from whatever storm you happen to find yourself in, and wash you, feed you, emotionally and spiritually and cloth you as well. She is the one who tells you to go on, to pick up that pen or guitar, to write that hit, and she makes you into something you aren't man enough to become yourself. I must admit, my writing has changed, since then. A time when I was truly alive, and all I needed was a glance to set me off, all I needed was to watch her her breezing past like a flower in the wind. Because that's all they are, are petals in the wind, that come and go. Filling your room with thoughts of something more, than what you truly are, which is nothing. And once she decides to pick you up there's no letting go. Until the day finally comes when you make it and let her blow onto something else and forgo watching that flower die. It's never about love, it's more than that, it's about connection, some crazy Buddhist bullshit, Native American smoke signals brought on by a whole lot of pain and a need to be held. She is not your wife, she is not your mother, not your girlfriend. Not forever in a white dress. All she is, is there. And that's okay, because she's there for you. She cares for nothing more. All she wants to see is you succeeding. And sometimes, yes sometimes you do fall in love. And you fill all of your work, with her memory. With spunky little fire foxes, who just doesn't want to leave, who haunts you like some malevolent ghost. And even though you tell yourself that you've moved on, you can never lose that sweet smell, never truly move on, because when you pull apart, she takes something of you with her, and eventually that something does die, and you try and fill it up with trinkets and meaningless white powders, drink her away. But she never disappears. She always lingers. She never leaves. It's a sad affair, because, you do realize, after some deep contemplation, that you have used her, just to further your so called art. Musings of an old man, forgotten by himself. You do remember though, that it was all for her. That's why you wrote all those songs, all the poetry. You placed her into your fantasy. She became your fantasy. Even before she was gone, it felt unreal. It's hard being a broken God. It's hard being so ambivalent to it all, all of the damn time. It is better with her. You should know this right now, and as long as she's there, it does get better. But as soon as she takes to the wind, no matter what age. She takes you with her. And all you are left with are those wide screen sunglasses, and those swollen fingers stroking in the ice cold snow, trying to finger paint her face, before your next big show.

Trinkets

Cover Artist J O S H U A

K L E I N

Tell us a bit about yourself. I'm Joshua an artist, graphic designer (whose pretty much still in the learning phase) from Cape Town. Tell us where you started as an artist and how much your work has changed since then. I've been drawing since I was little. My drawings weren't that great when I started, hahaha. I only seriously started thinking about drawing when I started high school. I was very much influenced by manga/anime and that reflected in the things I drew. I tried drawing things from my imagination and They came out pretty weird at times. So I met a few people, went through some comic book workshops, started looking up things on drawing, went to college where I had a subject on drawing. Thanks to all those little things I went through I was able to learn a lot about drawing. You've recently finished a comic book. Tell us a bit about your creative process. Well it's only like the first chapter of a story called Kommando Jan by Kobus Nieuwoudt. He basically wrote the chapter and was ask me if I wanted to draw the comic. I said yes. He wrote out the dialogue and specified how much panels and what happened in those panels so it was pretty easy for me to just draw it. Because he specified all those things I just skipped doing thumbnails, which are simple drawing of the comic for layout purposes and Such. I penciled the drawings, inked then, edited and coloured them in photoshop. Working on the same page thrice can get pretty daunting. During those three stages Kobus and I back and forthed to make sure he was okay with what I was doing or whether I had questions about things I wasn't clear about.

Because of the hectic schedule regarding our last issue, we were unable to interview the issue 1 cover artist, but we were able to sit down with the artist of our second issue cover, Joshua Klein to talk a bit about his art and influences.

Interviews

How long to you usually spend on a page / piece? That depends… If I'm fully hyped up a page could take like 30-45 mins to be penciled, inked and coloured. Pages with more detail or more could take up an extra 20 min or so, this all depends on how much detail and how much more drawing it involves. What are your favorite mediums and tools of the trade? I LOVE fineliner!! I also use colour pencils a lot, [it] was something I just tried it out once cause it wasn't really considered the best medium to use in my circle of friends but I instantly liked them. What are your main influences? I like stylization (a lot) along with quirky things. Manga has always been one of my influences. I like sci-fi, psychological, horror, satire, fantasy like things. I'm actually running my mind in overdrive thinking about it now cause there's a lot to mention so I'll just leave it at that. How are these influences involved in your original pieces? They've very much influenced the way in which I draw things, not just the style I draw it in but the content of drawings and how I portray it. I feel like I haven't developed a style I'm 100% happy with though. I started out drawing pretty much in manga style but the way I draw now is a kind of semi realism. I try and make them in a sense realistic but somewhat quirky at the same time. I still feel my drawings are pretty much manga styled and influenced. I've met some people who have a pretty set mind on manga style and don't see the influence of it. There are also some people I've shown my drawings too and they go, “you're quite influenced by manga” and it surprises me sometimes. Mentioned psychological and horror as some of my influences. I tend to lean towards those too when I want to draw something I'm feel I'm really happy with. I do just draw casual stuff too with no looming feeling of it being dark or anything.

You've participated in Fan Art Friday several times. What are your thoughts about this competition regarding local artists? I think it's a great way for people to draw and kind of keep them in practice. I think it could be a way for some people to develop a style of their own regardless of them having to draw a character that exists… at least that's what I would like to see. I try and enter them just to keep drawing (cause I'm quite lazy nowadays)

Interviews

How do you feel about local artists VS the international market? I thinks it's growing. Theres are lots of local artists past and present who have been doing well internationally, people just never hear about it sadly. The local comic book artists are what excites me the most at the moment. Theres been a lot of growing in the scene and slowly but surely it's been getting medua coverage. What are your future goals and what advice to you have for aspiring manga / comic artists? [I] have a decent job that I don't hate, doesn't have to be in art or design cause I'd be doing those things on the side regardless. I would like to create my own comic/ graphic novel one day (that's when I overcome being lazy) My advice would be to practice and try to always better your drawing. One of the nice things about art is that there's always something to learn or new you can try, you just have to be open to it.

Interviews

Joshua Klein

Interviews

Find Joshua on Deviantart 13sticker . Deviantart . Com

Rolene Byleveld AKA Makii-chan Cosplay

Interviews

Tell us a bit about Rolene. Ah, I never know what to say to these questions! Haha but here goes! I’m a 19-year old studying Fine arts at Tukkies. Other than working on cosplays (little by little), I draw and read in my free time. I have a huuuuge sweet tooth, to the point where I can safely say I’m pretty sure 90% of my blood contains sugar. I love all animals, but I really adore dogs, cats and cows. I have a teddy collection larger than I’d like to admit and I also prefer to watch cartoons to other series, I’m pretty much a kid stuck in a grown up body! Haha :) Who is Makii-chan? What is the difference between you and your cosplay persona? Makii-chan is me, but trying to be a bit more extroverted. I’m saying trying because being shy is hard and you can’t always hide it as well, but I’m pushing forward to change for the better. Makii-chan is just there to keep me motivated to keep improving.

Tell us a bit about your origins into cosplay? How did Makii-chan come about. My origins to cosplay? Hmmmm... I guess it was always there, you know? It’s that thing you always knew about but wasn’t aware of it type of thing? But if I think back I was on Facebook busy scrolling my newsfeed when I saw a friend of mine shared a local cosplayers page, and I thought ‘wow, South Africa does that?’ (Big shock I got haha!) And that’s how I discovered Sewleigh (Leigh le Roux’s page) and I was so interested in everything she did, I think I’d lie if I said I wasn’t on her page at least 5 times a day. Then I discovered Yamaki, and spammed everyone with her cosplays and all the other cosplayers followed, they’re all very talented and lovely people, so obviously they inspire me in that sense. Rage came along and I was really broke but I really wanted to join this awesome community so I dug in the garage for material scraps and I somehow managed a Poison Ivy getup. And well, I guess Makii-chan was born right there (and because of my love for the sushi)

Interviews

What would you say is your biggest cosplay achievement to date? My biggest cosplay achievement is probably going to G2C2 and having people recognise me and strangers coming up to me and asking me for photos and then complimenting me on how good my cosplay is. I guess it’s not that huge of an achievement and I’m still a beginner… but it warms my heart that I know all my hard work paid off, and ultimately gives me a confidence boost and also motivates me to cosplay more ?

What is your opinion of the special treatment for cosplayers at Geekfest this year. Honestly, I have no idea what exactly falls under the terms of the ‘special treatment’. I chose not to get involved in the conflict, it’s a choice. But I have no idea why we need any special treatment, all I voted for was a tent or some kind of shelter from that freezing wind and dust that tangled every wig in sight last year. We’re all just people, all of us are just geeks, so I think we have to get over all this and have fun. Because that’s why we do this, to have fun with friends and make new ones along the way! What do you think about the elitism in local cosplay? (take for example the mirror incident or just generally the feeling fans find in regards to how cosplayers treat them.) The mirror incident, hmmm, I personally think this was only a Troll who saw a chance and took it, I’ve never met a rude or arrogant cosplayer before, but if this is a true story and the person in question did this on purpose, I have no respect for them. If I remember correctly in the statement they justified their actions by saying they spent a lot of money on the cosplay so it’s their right to make sure they look good. Nothing justifies being douchebag. You could literally just have said ‘Excuse me’ or a simple ‘Sorry’ and the situation would have been handled so much better. I don’t care how much money you spent on anything, if you don’t treat people with respect, you don’t deserve it.

We've all seen the negativity surrounding the cosplay community lately. If you, as a cosplayer could do anything to improve the outlook of outsiders, what would it be? The only thing I can think of is cosplayers should be more involved with outsiders and fans to show them we are not complete self-centred monsters like

Interviews

they make us seem to be on certain groups. We’re nice people, doing what we love but in the same breath we are just that, people. If you disrespect us, insult us or hurt us we will react like any other human being. We’re not robots. We have emotions too, so before anyone who doesn’t know us personally try to attack us or say horrible things about us, just mind your tongue, they are incredibly vicious weapons. Where can fans catch Makii-chan? Who will they be seeing you as? Fans can catch me at Kin-con, Rage and maybe Neighbours Medieval Fayre and every other Gauteng based picnic! At Kincon, I’ll hopefully go as either Mew Ichigo or Kill la Kill’s Mako and attend the ball as a very psychotic Yuno Gasai. My Rage cosplays are still a work in progress (trying to decide, and not change my mind every other second) and if all goes well I’ll be Cersei Lannister, with my other half as Jaime at the Medieval Fayre. (And yes, we are weird that way, haha :D) What is your advice on where to start doing a cosplay? My advice on where to start a cosplay? I’ll say learn out of my mistakes, focus on one at a time (unless funds allows you to do otherwise) and set up a plan, make a list on what you are going to need, what are you going to need to make, buy or commission. Also write down estimated costs and times (E-bay wigs takes a long time to arrive)Then I guess you’re ready to go! What are your goals as a cosplayer? My goals as a cosplayer is so cliché you probably can make your own conclusion without reading any further. I want to better myself in a way so I can one day be a role model to someone else, just like Sewleigh (Leigh), Happy Panda (Lanie) and Sushibunny (Taz) was to me, and still is. (You guys are amazing people! Inspiration for all!) Other than that I’d like to attend more conventions, meet more amazing people and possibly, if my budget allows it, pop out more cosplays more regularly.

Interviews

Like Makii-chan on Facebook! Fb.com/makiichancosplay & Find her on Deviantart deanibean94.deviantart.com IH

Interviews

IH Movies Coming Soon Movies

11 July Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Earth to Echo Third Person

18 July Bad Neighbors Cavalry Deliver Us From Evil Life of a King The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman 25 July Step Up: All In Cold Harbour The Broken Circle Breakdown Think Like a Man Too 1 August Guardians of the Galaxy Mr. Pip Wish I Was Here 8 August Hercules Adult World Alles Wat Mal Is Between Friends Chef 15 August Venus in Fur 29 August Spook van Uniondale

Comic Book Movies of the BIG TWO! Everybody is clamoring for Marvel and joking how far back DC at this stage, but what you are forgetting, DC Comics has had movies made of their franchises since the 40's while Marvel only got its very first m â&#x20AC;&#x153; oviâ&#x20AC;?e in the late 70's with the Spider-Man pilot. Okay, well if you count the Captain America Serial, Marvel also got their start in the 40s. But, DC COMICS has always been on top when it came to the films, ever since Superman came out in 1978 up until The Dark Knight Rises. Look, they dominated the 90's. They even had a theatrical release for a Batman animated movie in the 90's called Mask of Phantasm. Now, there was always talk of Marvel franchises becoming movies, especially in the early 90s with the comic book boom but nothing ever materialized except for a very bad Fantastic Four Roger Corman picture (And Blade!). But, we wont be looking at that, which does make it a little unfair, because after Spider-Man hit, well things changed. Lets take a look at all the different films that was released since the year 2000. I'll give some comments where I can but mostly tell you weather its a good idea to watch it or not.

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Marvel: X-MEN (2000) This is where it began. This was huge, The X-Men one of the biggest comics in the west finally getting a movie. Okay what I liked about it: I remember liking Seth Green as Toad. What's wrong with it: It's a corny movie, much like the Spider-Man trilogy. Its uncertain of what it wants to be, and they still hadn't gotten a grip on the material just yet. Also, it was the year 2000, everybody was post grunge with the whole nu metal scene, which had problems of its own. Treat this as like the Proto-Type for what we are used to now. Also: They used Grant Morrison's X-Men as a blueprint it seems, because everybody was wearing these dumb ass leather suits. I remember thinking, why is Wolverine dressed like that? Where's his outfit from the cartoon? I guess it was all precursor of what, was to come, trying to Frank Miller everything. Trying to force realism into the medium. Blade 2 (2000) Don't remember much of this, al though I know that one of the members of that late 80's boy band Bro's was in this. I think I might have enjoyed it, or might have never seen it. Dude, it's Blade, gotta be awesome, right?

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Spider-Man (2002)

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This was cool, I remember going to see this in the theater. I was never a fan of Spider-Man but for some reason I had to see this. I do have trouble watching this trilogy today, for reasons I mentioned above. Al though, I must say I suffer less through this than I do through the second and third one. I don't like that it tries to be a comic book brought to life. I know that sounds silly given what it is I'm talking about here. What I mean is the editing. Some people might like it, but not so much for me.

Daredevil (2003) What the fuck was this? No comment.

X2 (2003) I suffer through this movie, its not as bad script wise as the horrible XMen The Last Stand, but still. At least it had Nighcrawler! That was really cool.

Hulk (2003) Fuck off with this shit.!

The Punisher (2004) Now we're talking! Inspired casting with Thomas Jane. One of the greatest comic book films of the last decade. Still enjoy it. Plus, that game, what a game.

Spider-Man 2 (2004) I remember getting really sick the night I was supposed to see this. I was like green in the face, throwing up in the underground parking lot at this mall going â&#x20AC;&#x153;No! I want to go watch Spider-Man!â&#x20AC;? I went the following day though, and I loved it. The older I get the harder it is to watch. Again with the silly editing.

Movies

Blade: Trinity (2004) I liked this film, still do. Very fun movie. Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King.

Elektra (2005) Boring.

Man-Thing (2005) Don't know, haven't seen it. Fantastic Four (2005) Enjoyed this film. I guess this is where the humor we have today really started to take hold.

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X-Men: The Last Stand. (2006) What a waste of a movie. Could have been: The Phoenix Saga, Was: A pile of trash.

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Ghost Rider (2007) What can I say. It's an okay film with a bad ass protagonist. Could have been so much better.

Spider-Man 3 (2007) Fuck off. This could have been the Venom movie. It wasn't. It's the worst of the three, and thankfully it ended here.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) Crap. Could have been Kirby, was just a watered down version of it. Plus: Galactus makes a cameo in the form of a wormhole or something?

Movies Iron Man (2008) Made Iron Man cool for the very first time since like ever. Entertaining. Start of the modern Marvel Cinematic Universe. This could be seen as the film that redeemed them.

The Incredible Hulk (2008) Bad Ass! This is an Incredible Hulk movie. Edward Norton as Bruce Banner. Very good. Punisher: War Zone (2008) I liked this for the Garth Ennis moments. I liked Thomas Jane more. But this guy looks more like the Frank Castle in the comics. Plus, very gory.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) Meh. Didn't like. They castrated Deadpool, so a no from me.

Iron Man 2 (2010) Not as good as the first one, but still worth it. Thor (2011)

Very cool, very funny. Highly recommended.

X-Men First Class (2011) Good, but not as good as Days of Future Past. Its X-men in the 60s. So pretty fun.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) I was bored.

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Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012) Strange movie. Great direction, Nicholas Cage. Plus Christopher Lambert! I dunno where the hell they are going with this?

Marvels The Avengers (2012) So it's not confused with Purdy. Joss Wheadon. Very good summer film.

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) Way better than the first trilogy! Plus, Emmmmmmmmaaaaa!

Iron Man 3 (2013) Plot Twist. This film doesn't give you what you are looking for. Also, more fun with RDJ.

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The Wolverine (2013) Better than the first one. More Seagal than X-men. Takes place in Japan. Thor: The Dark World (2013) Fucking Epic! Watch this!

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) Haven't seen it. Looks good. Hear his sidekick is in it.

Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) Haven't seen it. Emmmmmaaaaa!

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X-Men: Days of Future Past. Brilliant. Complete turn around, from what we've received.

This is my list then:

1. 2.

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6. 7.

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8. In that order. Next: DC

Movies

By Zana-Lee

Divergent Summary: In Beatrice Prior's dystopian Chicago world, society is divided into five factions, each dedicated to the cultivations of a particular virtue: Candor: the Honest Abnegation: the Selfless Dauntless: the Brave Amity: the Peaceful Erudite: the Intelligent On an appointed day every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select a faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Beatrice, the decision is between staying with her family and being who she really is but she can't have both. So she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself.

Movie Review Starring: Shailene Woodley, Theo James, Ashley Judd, Jai Courtney I think what fans most appreciated was that the movie was so true to the book. Sure there where some differences (Four's age and URIAH!) but the core and flow of the story and main events all stayed the same and delivered the same message. Since watching The Hunger Games, I've left movie theaters feeling increasingly disappointed at the Young Adult book to film adaptions (Vampire Academy, The Host, Beautiful Creatures) and I was very worried about Divergent. The movie looked promising in trailers, but then again don't they always? So I walked into the cinema with my usual Cream Soda and Astros and settled in for what I hoped would be something to finally impress me. And it didn't fail. In fact, Divergent is second only to The Hunger Games. The movie started out with the usual protagonist narrative, where she goes through explaining the set-up of the world and the all-important factions. The movie is slow to start but when it does, actress Shailene Woodley seems to bring a new life to Tris, exceeding all my expectations. When Four (Theo James) finally makes an appearance the chemistry between them is immediately noticeable. Of course, the plot of structured, dystopian future where one extraordinary girl is destined to make a revolutionary change isn't original in any way (especially in the YA world) and the movie is often sufferingly compared the The Hunger Games. I don't disagree that the premise has some similarities, but once you watch the movie the difference is clearly noticeable but like The Hunger Games, it's the outstanding performances of the cast that really made the film appealing. Though Woodley doesn't have the rock star shine of Jennifer Lawrence (who has definitely earned her fame), Woodley does a good job of making us root for her all the same and has now certainly earned her place as leading lady (The Spectacular Now, The Fault in Our Stars). Divergent seems to be the savior of YA film adaptions in Hollywood, with the failure of most of them, Divergent clearly separates from them in the best way, becoming the biggest advance ticket seller on Fandango, surpassing Twilight five-fold! With Insurgent, the sequel, already in works.

Book: Divergent Series by Veronica Roth Number of Books: 3: Divergent, Insurgent, Allegiant Some dystopian novels cater for horror or shock value, others for romance Divergent on the other hand gives us some action. Author, Veronica Roth, has a wonderful talent for writing edge-of-your-seat, pulse racing, asskicking action scenes. Which shows since about 80% of the book is dedicated to action scenes. I'd never heard of Divergent when a friend recommended it to me and once I'd checked out the Wikipedia page, I was less than impressed and I put off reading the book for quite some time until I had nothing else to do. As someone who is a huge fan of dystopian futures in general, this was unheard of by me. Eventually, months later, I revisited the idea of reading it when I saw it on my list and decided to pick it up and give it a go. I never read reviews or anything but the sypnosis before picking up any book. So, with a vague idea of what the story was about I fell into it (With low expectations and a lot of skepticism.) I finished the book in one sitting and then went out to get the sequel, Insurgent and finished that too. The thing about Divergent is, it compels binge reading. The book is entertaining but it's either a hit or miss, either you like it or you don't.

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The Story: The story of Divergent is all about finding your identity, realizing who you really are and saying it's ok to be different even in a society where being different isn't allowed. The fact that this story is aimed at Young Adult readers (even if the main fanbase for YA novels are people anywhere between ten and thirty years old) where they are just entering adolescence and a critical period where they have to really get to know themselves, I think the message Divergent is trying to send actually puts things into perspective. The value of family is an important part of the novel, where the factions have the saying of 'faction before blood' but Tris is unable to fully let go of her family even after she gets a tattoo symbolizing letting them go. There are also themes of friendship, dealing with guilt and anger. The author also touches on suicide and how it effects society. Overall, the most important theme in Divergent, other than identity, is choices. The tagline for the novel is 'One Choice Can Transform You', while this directly refers to Tris' choices in the book it can also refer to how choices change us, and how every choice serves to change our direction, and dealing with the lasting effects of those choices. There is a lot of emphasis put of how Tris makes choices, how she acts and how they affect her (more so in Insurgent). Divergent is smoothly written, action-packed and thoroughly entertaining and definitely serves to cater for fans of dystopian, romance and action genres. It is definitely enjoyable if you manage to go in with an open (non-comparing to The Hunger Games) mindset.

Ichigeki Hissatsu Verdict: Recommended

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"It's Pat Bateman, here.â&#x20AC;? Imagine the coolest film you have ever seen in your life and multiply it by 10. That's American Psycho, and if you happen to be my age it just might be the coolest film you were never allowed to see. The uncut version of American Psycho is Rated R, for a good reason, since it contains almost everything needed to get that rating. And I mean everything. So if you want to show this to your teen make sure you are there to kill the fires that spring up afterwards. So lets get to the review/feature (I really love this film.) Now, genre wise, I'd put this into the dark comedy category, but the humor seems to go lost on most people watching this film so I'll just say, it's a horror. It's basically the Silence of the Lambs but funnier and everybody in this film wears designer clothes, the main character is almost never out of his suits, unless of course he's getting naked.

The back of my (uncut) feature filled dvd says the following: “Patrick Bateman is handsome, well educated and intelligent. He is twenty-six and living his own American dream. He works by day on Wall Street, earning a fortune to compliment the one he was born with. At night he descends into madness, as he experiments with fear and violence.”

If you ask me that's a bit thin. That description is more insulting than it is descriptive. I think if Pat had written it it would go something like this: "If I had to describe my life in one song, I'd have to choose the following, by the immortal Huey Lewis and The News, on their brilliant 1987 album: Fore!:” “I used to be a renegade, I used to fool around, But, I couldn't take the punishment and had to settle down, Now I'm playing it real straight and yes I, cut my hair, you might think I'm crazy, but I don't even care, I can tell what's going on, It's hip to be square.”

All they had to put on the back of the DVD would have been a picture of him running down a corridor wearing only an active chainsaw and white sneakers and I would have been sold. But, of course I watched the trailer

Now, I want it on Blu-Ray. Look, when I went in, I was aware that this was a Christian Bale movie. And to many Christian Bale was the greatest Bruce Wayne ever to set foot on a film set. But to me, he lacked everything a good Bruce Wayne was. The scenes where he was supposed to be Bruce it felt fake and really acted. Now, I get where they were coming from, the man and the bat, which one is the charade? But Bruce Wayne is the millionaire playboy, well, he hasn't been that since Frank Miller got his hands on him on 1985, but still, have some fun with him. And to be perfectly honest, everything I thought Bale lacked as Bruce he was as Bateman. Even though that was pretend as well, he had a certain charm, a wild quality like â&#x20AC;&#x153; Money is my Goddamn power!â&#x20AC;? you know, he screamed it. His Bruce did not. Then again, I don't really like the Emo Batman of the 90s and 2000's we saw lurking around in the comics, Grant Morrison, he tried to change that with his spectacular run. One more thing on comics: It's supposed to be fun. Take it too seriously and it fails as a comic book. It's all good you want to show us that all of our heroes are human, but to carry on with it for a hundred issues is fucking lame. Nobody wants to see that shit. We want an heroic Superman with all the impossibilities that go with it, the phone booth's, the glasses, the stupid co-workers, the works. Not some poor imitation created out of a need to be realistic and dark. We want the Superman that people needed after 9/11 not the one that causes it out of sheer ignorant writing. If you want to make a film where the heroes destroy and kill with zero regard for the people inhabiting the cities they choose to make their battlefield ( Not entirely true, but you guys get my point.) do a DragonBall Z movie, at least you get to wish all the damage away in the end.

Al right, American Psycho. It's a cult film, also for a good reason, so, I think I'm going to try something different here, instead of telling you why you should watch this film, I'm going to show you. My editor moans when I write more than I should, think I'll give her a break.

The

Movies

Son of BaTman Son of Batman Starring: Jason O'Mara, Stuart Allen, Thomas Gibson, Morena Baccarin Directed by: Ethan Spaulding Written by: Bob Kane (Characters), Grant Morrison and Andy Kubert (Comic Book), James Robinson (story), Joe R. Lansdale (screenplay). Summary: Batman learns he has a violent, unruly preteen son, secretly raised by the assassin group The League of Assassins. Loosely based on Batman and Son by Grant Morrison So, I've been thinking of a way to make this review as unbiased as possible since this movie contains two of my favourite fictional characters of all time: Dick Grayson and Damian Wayne, and I've decided to split this review up into two parts; what I liked about the movie and what I didn't. What I didn't like about the movie: Considering how excited I was about this movie, you'd think this list would be short. It's not, unfortunately. One of the main things I was looking forward to was the most important father and son dynamic I loved so much in the comic books. The movie didn't deliver. The main plot point is about Batman finding out he has a ten-year-old son and then obviously some sort of tentative bonding that's bound to take place.

R e v i e w By Zana-Lee

It didn't. In fact the best scenes in the movie don't even involve the main character and are mostly filled with Damian and Dick, who at least have some kind of relationship. Whereas the scenes with Bruce and Damian are choppy and sadly, somewhat cold. Maybe this could be blamed on Jason O'Mara's monotonous I'm-still-half-asleep voice acting, since I found the writing to have the necessary elements but somehow the characters just didn't follow through. Other than Jason O'Mara, I was also bothered by Thalia al Ghul (Morena Baccarin) who just couldn't decide if she had an accent or not. And then there's Deathstroke (Thomas Gibson) who sounds like your typical 90's cartoon henchmen and downright evil-doer. In short: annoying. Don't get me wrong, I don't completely hate O'Mara as Batman, in fact, seeing him in Justice League: War reinforced ideas that he may be a positive second to Kevin Conroy, but I felt that his performance in this could have been a little less safe. Surprisingly, I'm on the fence about Stuart Allen who portrayed Damian Wayne's voice. Maybe reviewers and fans hated him outright and said that Damian came of as a bratty kid. But many forget that a bratty kid was exactly what Damian started as, and over time, he really grew on fans.

Of course, when I first saw the trailer for Son of Batman, I was a little put off by Allen but in watching the movie, his voice definitely didn't come off as bad as I had anticipated. Stuart Allen might not have been my first choice but he is a voice I can live with should they make more Damian movies (which is something I am definitely hoping for).

What I liked about the movie: I was quite happy with the animation. It was directed by someone who worked on Avatar: The Last Airbender, and it shows. Especially in the fight scenes that look just as amazing as they did in A:TLA. It almost feels like you're watching an episode. A full-length movie version, with that almost-anime style. The animation is overall very slick and delivers some nice and eye-catching scenes.

My favourite things in this movie by far was the interaction between Dick and Damian and Damian and Alfred. Despite the disappointing scenes between him and his father, I found that these short scenes kind of made up for it if only a little. Not to mention the ending credits teases of the Dick VS Damian fight that I so desperately wanted to see. All in all, Son of Batman delivers at the least an entertaining movie, witty dialogue and an entrance for Damian into the DC Animated Universe. Looking forward to seeing more movies starring him (would love to see a movie of the saga where Dick became Batman which definitely contains some nice development for Damian). Son of Batman, despite its flaws has become my favourite animated Batman movie, sorry Under the Red Hood. XD

The movie also had a few adult references that you don't usually see in animated films, like Ubu coming home with two prostitutes and Dick nearly using the Fword. Not only that but there was also a lot of blood splattering around and even Damian stabbing Deathstroke's eye out in the opening segment.

Look out for my review on Under the Red Hood in the next issue

Movies

X-Men: Days of Future Past: The Review So, XDoFP, lets start off by saying I had no preconceived notions that this was going to be either good or terrible when I went in to see this film, to be quite honest I went to see it on a whim. Last marvel movie I watched in the theaters was Thor 2, which I thoroughly enjoyed for the epic spectacle it was, now X-Men on the other hand I enjoyed for very different reasons. Lets see, I saw Thor 2 in 2D, my preferred viewing method and X-Men in 3D. X-Men being my very first 3D film I've ever seen, except of course for that 4D thing at Gold Reef City. Now, I'd have liked to see this movie in 2D, because after finally watching a 3D movie, I can honestly say that the 3D aspect of it, although effectively used, did distract me somewhat from the film at hand. First a little back story. I grew up in the 90s so I watched my fair share of tv, I loved the super hero stuff so I levitated to that. I know my comics, but in recent years I've drifted away from the Marvel side for obvious reasons. So going in I was pretty fresh. Okay, now onto the movie. It starts of good, a little confusing getting used to the 3D aspects of things, but I kept my head in the game. All these characters running around fighting, sure looked more impressive than the first three outings. I liked First Class a whole lot, the others not so much, can't watch the whole leather clad mutant fare anymore. Up shows Bishop. I loose my shit, where's the western theme by the way? I love my Bishop with his western theme playing in the background. They seem to be fighting these huge metal creatures, oh, they are Sentinels. Not like I remember them, but okay you can modernize if you want to. At least they are getting some screen time this time, unlike in Last Stand. So there's a whole lot of teleporting going on, can't figure out who the hell it is, Nightcrawler or what? Turns out to be Blink, okay cool! Then there's this familiar looking guy, is that, Thunderbird? Nope, its motherfucking Warpath! Day made, an original X-Force character in a live action movie? Hell yes. The regs like Iceman and Colossus is also present, and Kitty Pride ( Ellen Page is so good as this character, I really enjoyed her performance.) Kitty seems to have time traveling powers, which is new. So they somehow change the future and they're transported back. Cut to them meeting up with Wheels and Wolverine. Oh yeah, Wheels can fly now, his chair hovers almost like the 90s show and comics now. We get some exposition and we finally get to the part that I'm here for: Wolverine wakes up in the 70s. That's it, after that I'm here for the long run. My ass is stuck to that extremely uncomfortable cinema chair. This is the place in the film you see why DC is so fucked when it comes to their cinematic verse. Marvel doesn't need to change their characters in order for their shit to sell (They could have kept Quicksilver like he is in the comics and it still would have kicked ass). Marvel never tries to be edgy or dark ( I mean, yeah maybe in the beginning, but that was just because they were adapting to the times, and really it wasn't like they turned their properties into these brooding emo characters, it still had roots in its origins, which, are largely by Stan the man's standards, pretty fun.), they just do what the universe demands of them. Take Wolverine for example, he lets the Professor of the past check his mind out, The Professor reacts by remarking how horrible it is, and "You poor man." and how he does not want Wolverines pain. This is where the angst stops. Wolverine assures him that even though there's bad, there's good as well, and it's the good parts that matter. You see, right there in that exchange is everything that the DC cinematic universe lacks right now. DC lost me when Superman went fucking emo. Fuck Man of Steel. That's not Superman, that's a boring piece of heartless trash, with overblown fight scenes and an excuse to write fan fiction. So, the First Class cast returns, well some of them. Banshee and Emma Frost ain't there, which will certainly piss off her sexist fans (lol, remember that GenX movie?) and all the way from the point Wolverine arrives at the mansion the film takes hold and doesn't let you go until the credits roll. So yeah, Quicksilver is in here, as you guys and girls and inbetweeners might already know, and as you may not know, I'm a huge fan of his all thanks to a certain Mister Peter Alan David. And, the guy does steal the show, of course.

Movies

A. Is this just another Wolverine movie?

E. What about a solo Deadpool movie?

You could probably just ask that of any new Marvel comic you pick up. Heck, it's been like that since the late 80's. With Deadpool added to the mixer just recently. To answer the question: Yep, it largely is, but it's done in such a manor that he becomes part of the story and the story doesn't just revolve around him. A lot of the characters in the past play a pretty large role in the film, all the classics have some endearing scenes, so there's that to look forward to.

Well, there is a chance. It will probably either come out in 2015 or later. He is popular enough for it to happen so I suspect it's only a matter of time. Only thing that may count against it, is his very nature. As we all know, this film won't be able to work a s a PG13 outing. In fact it will squarely be aimed at older teens and adults, and that is one of the main reasons we haven't seen a Deadpool movie. After Watchmen, studios are afraid to make Superhero films that doesn't incorporate a large audience. Punisher did well on the home market, but they still largely want it to perform at the box office. I think the two Kick-Ass movies are to thank for them even considering a Deadpool movie. Lets hope for the best.

B. Is this a Deadpool movie? No. C. Why not? Because it isn't. D. When will we see a Deadpool movie? Probably after Apocalypse, he'll probably show up in the XForce movie, if they do keep it classic. If not, You can expect another Wolverine movie. Warpath does show up in Days of Future Past. So we already have 2 members of the post Messiah Complex X-Force. A lot of people are huge fans of that incarnation, and it's still fresh in most people's memories. The classic incarnation, Wolverine's part is not as big as it is in the new incarnation. In fact, as far as I know, the only part where Wolverine plays any kind of role that's worth mentioning is that huge crossover event, X-Cutioners Song where Cable becomes public enemy number one, Bishop and Wolverine are sent after Cable (Founder and leader of classic X-Force.) to bring the hurtin'. So, chances are that they'll make some sort of comprise. I think the fear of making a mutant film without Wolverine may be to great, he even had a cameo in First Class, a cameo that was referenced in Days of Future Past even, so If the X-Force film does come out, it will probably feature Wolverine in some capacity.

F. Is this film kid friendly? Yeah, there's the normal level of violence and PG13 level bad language. G. What's up with the post credits scene, who is that kid? And will the next movie take place in ancient Egypt? That kid is one of the X-Men's greatest villains, he's known as Apocalypse. (Remember the Age of Apocalypse? Yeah, that Apocalypse.) He was first introduced in the pages of X-Factor in the mid 80's as a new villain for them to face. Back when X-Factor consisted of the first class team, not the bad ass Peter David team we know and love today. Why is he so epic? He's one of the oldest mutants, and he turned Angel into the Archangel. Yep, he gave him those metal wings, baby. Apocalypse will be the greatest threat the X-Men has faced thus far and the team behind Days of Future Past has said that it will be a disaster movie ( Think Godzilla, Independence Day or The Day after Tomorrow.) It has been confirmed that it will take place in the 80's. So another brilliant movie awaits us.

I. The guy who plays Tyrion Lannister is in this? Yeah, he plays Bolivar Trask the guy who invented the Sentinels.

J. Is he good? Yeah, very. As can be expected. K. Who are your favorite mutants of all time? Multiple Man, Strong Guy and Cable. L. Those guys suck, one of them was even created by Rob Liefeld. Yuck! Yep, he created Deadpool as well. M. You lie. Nope, its true. He created one of the most popular characters at Marvel, if not the most popular. N. My life is a lie. Sorry about that. O. Is the 3D worth it? Not for me, but if you like 3D, you'll love how it's been used here. Go watch this film right now, it's everything a comic book adaptation should be and more.

Movies

TV SPOT

TV & Music

New & Renewed

The 100 Genre: Post-Apocalyptic Teen Drama Based on: The 100 by Kass Morgan Starring: Eliza Taylor, Paige Turco, Thomas McDonell, Marie Avgeropoulos, Bob Morley Number of Episodes: 13 Summary: Set 97 years after a nuclear war has destroyed civilization, when a space station housing humanity's lone survivors sends 100 juvenile delinquents back to Earth in hopes of possibly repopulating the planet.

Definitely the first CW offering in a long time that has managed to surprise me. It managed to keep me glued to my seat without any predictable surprises. For me, most original plots seemed to have died but The 100 (pronounced The Hundred as opposed to The One Hundred) has a thoroughly clever plot and a story that is bracingly paced just right. Choices for the characters are difficult and the dangers they face are real. Many people immediately turn away when they see a CW show, expecting an angst-filled teenage romance with just-passable acting. The 100 proves itself within the first gripping episode with that perfect mixture excitement, surprises and intensity.

By Zana-Lee

What You Should Be Watching

In a world currently filled with dragged-on shows, spin-offs and reboots, it's refreshing to see new and original plots surfacing, especially in the Sci-Fi genre. Now, we have The 100 that manages to blend Battlestar Galactica and Lost. Status: Finished Airing, renewed. Ichigeki Hissatsu score: 8.5/10

TV & Music

Sleepy Hollow Genre: Drama, Horror Based on: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving Starring: Tom Mison, Nicole Beharie, Orlando Jones Number of Episodes: 13 Summary: Ichabod Crane is sent to Sleepy Hollow to investigate the decapitations of three people with the culprit being the legendary apparition, the Headless Horseman.

The Originals Genre: Supernatural drama, Horror, Fantasy Based on: [in part] the character Klaus from The Vampire Diaries by L.J Smith Starring: Joseph Morgan, Claire Holt, Daniel Gillies, Phoebe Tonkin, Charles Michael Davis Number of Episodes: 22 Summary: The original vampire family, from The Vampire Diaries, return and settle in the city they helped build, New Orleans.

Arrow Genre: Superhero, Drama, Action, Mystery, Sci-Fi Based on: DC Comics' Green Arrow Starring: Stephen Amell, Emily Bett Rickards, David Ramsey Number of Episodes: 46 (2 seasons) Summary: Spoiled billionaire playboy Oliver Queen is missing and presumed dead when his yacht is lost at sea. He returns five years later a changed man, determined to clean up the city as a hooded vigilante armed with a bow.

TV & Music

Reign Genre: Period Drama Based on: Mary Queen of Scots Starring: Adelaide Kane, Megan Follows, Torrance Coombs, Toby Regbo Number of Episodes: 22 Summary: Chronicles of the rise of power of Mary Queen of Scots when she arrives in France as a 15-year-old, betrothed to Prince Francis, and with three best friends as ladies-in-waiting. It details the secret history of survival in the French Court amidst fierce foes, dark forces and a world of sexual intrigue.

Turn the page to see what the new season has in store for us:

TV & Music

Gotham Genre: Action, Crime, Superhero Based on: DC Comics' Batman Starring: Ben McKenzie, Sean Pertwee, Robin Lord Taylor, Zabryna Guevara Summary: The origin story behind Commissioner James Gordon's rise to prominence in Gotham City in the years before Batman's arrival. I was definitely skeptical when I heard that they were making a series about Gotham City without the Dark Knight that would focus more on Commissioner Gordon, skeptical to the point where I thought this show was going to downright suck. This was until I saw the trailer. It was packed full of action, mystery and suspense and even gave us a glimpse at the events in Crime Alley that made Batman what he is. We also get flashes of all the super villains before they were bad, including Catwoman, Poison Ivy, The Riddler and many more. There are some nice scenes where Gordon is talking to a young Bruce Wayne, who at the time, is trying to deal with the death of his parents. I'm hoping that Bruce will become a prominent character in the series since Gotham is after all, his city. We will have to see! Status: Not aired yet. Ichigeki Hissatsu score: Highly Anticipated

TV & Music

iZombie Genre: Drama, Crime, Horror Based on: IZOMBIE by Chris Roberson and Michael Allred Starring: Alexandra Krosney, David Anders, Malcolm Goodwin, Nora Dunn Summary: A medical student who becomes a zombie joins a Coroner's Office in order to eat the brains she must reluctantly eat so that she can maintain her humanity but every brain she eats, she also inherits their memories and must now solve their deaths with help from the Medical examiner and police detective.

The Flash Genre: Superhero, Drama, Action, Mystery, Sci-Fi Based on: DC Comics' The Flash Starring: Grant Gustin, Candice Patton, Rick Cosnett, Danielle Panabaker Summary: A TV show centered around scientist Barry Allen, who suffers a freak accident that turns him into a superhero with the power of incredible speed.

Constantine Genre: Drama, Fantasy, Horror, Action Based on: Hellblazer by Vertigo Starring: Matt Ryan, Lucy Griffiths, Harold Perrineau Summary: A man struggling with his faith is haunted by the sins of his past but is suddenly thrust into the role of defending humanity from the gathering forces of darkness.

The Messengers Genre: Drama, Action, Mystery, Sci-Fi Starring: Shantel VanSanten, Jon Fletcher, Sofia Black-D'Elia, JD Pardo Summary: A mysterious object crashes on earth and a group of unconnected strangers die from an energy pulse it emits, but then re-awaken to find out they have been deemed responsible for preventing the impending Apocalypse.

TV & Music

Voice Actor Spot! Grey DeLisle Grey DeLisle Voice-Over Actress Date of Birth: Aug 24 1973 Most Popular Character (According to her Behind the Voice Actors page): Azula Avatar: The Last Airbender

Since Ichigeki Hissatsu isn't strictly an anime-only magazine, I figured we could start our VA Spot off with one of my personal favorite Voice Actresses. This Voice Actor spot has no restrictions and will be covering Cartoons, Games and Anime. I always find it surprising when going down many VA lists to see just how Many characters they actually were that I never had a clue about. Check out the list down below and see how many characters you know but never knew were voiced by these VAs! For this issue, we'll be covering Grey DeLisle, who is best known for her roles as Vicky (Fairly Odd Parents), Azula (Avatar: The Last Airbender) and Mandy (The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy). Erin Grey van Osbree (professionally known only as Grey DeLisle) was born on August 24, 1973, in Fort Ord, California, USA. In her late teens, she entered the world of stand-up comedy and often imitated voices in her performances. A casting director spotted her and advised her to take up voice acting as a career. Other than voice acting Grey is also a comedian, a Grammy Award winning singer-songwriter (with several released albums) and an actress. Listed below are some of her iconic roles Daphne Blake Scooby Doo Betty Rubble The Flintstones Wasp Ultimate Avengers Todd McNulty Rugrats Andrea Donoso The Zeta Project Mandy The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy Vicky Fairly Odd Parents Padme / Ventress Star Wars: The Clone Wars Yumi Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi Frankie Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends Azula Avatar the Last Airbender Handmaiden Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: The Sith Lords Nassana Dantius Mass Effect Catwoman: Batman Arkham City/Injustice The Dark Spirit: Avatar: The Legend of Korra Headmistress Griffin Winx Club Psylocke Wolverine and the X-Men

TV & Music

It's been hailed as the greatest superhero pilot ever made! The new Flash series doesn't fail to deliver on that bold statement! We had a chance to watch it before hand thanks to the un(intentional) leak of the pilot episode earlier this week, and lets just say if we were to take it solely based on this pilot, we are in for one wild ride!

- Easter eggs - Origin story - Geoff Johns - Character introductions - Star Labs - Guest Appearances! - Unrequited Love. - Barry Allen running very fast! - No seriously the effects in this show are top notch! - Movie feels. - Humor - No Seriously, this fixes everything thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wrong with Arrow!

TV & Music

Yes. Compared to Arrow this show is completely different in tone. This is what a Superhero show is supposed to be: FUN! We cannot wait for the next episode. And personally, I am so glad that Flash is getting his due. Its been a long time coming, and his time has finally come! Now...Can we see a Captain Marvel show next? Please? SHAZAM!

Morticia! That’s Afrikaans! Spooky’s World II. How buying art supplies turned into a vengeance run. “There was so much blood, more than I have ever caused with my own two hands.”

Wounds/Assumptions/in terventions.

Spooky’s World

Spookys world part 2 Let’s go for a ride:

“Do you do this kind of thing often, Miss Axefield?” “What?” “Drive in fast cars with strange boys?” “All the time.”

Spooky’s World

Hooold up. It's that RoloAxeB3at. Coming from the club banger, you all love and groove to. My only question to you is: Can you motherfucking Dig it? AKA Wounds. There's handcuffs in my car if you need them. Assumptions.

Rolene Byleveld. You know where the hell this chick stays? Somewhere in fuckin Pretoria. Okay, Okay Tswane. Don't wanna offend anybody. Fuck that, Pretoria. This wouldn't be Spooky's World without me offending at least five people in the duration of this mother(fucker.) Getwithit. The lingo might be old, but it's still relevant. So. Lets list the reasons for me going all the way to Pretoria for this chick to interview a cosplayer of all things? I mean, they aren't regarded all that high anymore. Given the events that's transpired, I think a bottle of mace would be more appropriate than a smile and a camera. But whatever. Rolene doesn't seem like one of those crazies. Handle with care, walking on eggs, Tom Cruise, “you look at me in the fuckin eyes, you'll never get a job again.” kinda shit. So, plus. She's agreed to be on the cover of Zombie Bill issue one. In lingerie. Nuff said. (Lol, you think I've forgotten? I'll never forget a promise like that! NEVER! Lol) So, lets see how many different swear words I can cram into this piece.

Christ! Kay, lets see: She's an Artist She has a nice smile she's a Red Head (Crimsons make me wild...but she's taken, so that means didley to me.) She likes classic rock. ( Don't call it Golden Oldies ever again.) She seems cool, plus that photo where she's the only one who's not being touched, or touching anybody, might seem like a cosplay thing, but she may just be arrogant. In that case, I might find her interesting in a Marie Antoinette kinda, “Let them eat cake.” way. Sys fokken Afrikaans, dude. Done.

So I finally make up my mind to pay her a visit, for the sake of the magazine of course (What else?) It's only our second issue, okay first, cause the actual first one is kinda considered as version 0.99. A beta if you will. So this makes it our Alpha issue, which, I must say, relates. Cause, well, we kinda are. Spiff, so I get to her house, and I must say, I can kinda see where the arrogance comes from, High Class, baby. Nice house, nicer neighborhood. They probably hunt Bums around here to keep the place shinin'. Speaking off, this whole neighborhood is fuckin white, Jesus. This is either the promised land or Oranje. Both worlds apart. Best keep the confederate flag in the car, hide it somewhere under the seat. What am I on now? As far as pissing people off goes? I ain't keeping score hoes.

Spooky’s World

I get out. And I contemplate whether or not to lock my baby. This is an expensive car after all, but this is a white neighborhood. But that could also spell drunk assholes. And nobody is taking my baby on some joyride. I double lock it and somer put on the thing you lock the steering wheel with and let the plastic snake out onto the back seat. Can't be too careful. I hear Kurt Darren blasting out of a car driving past. I take the promised land bit back, this is definitely Oranje. dammit! And here I thought I could really make it here. I make my way up to the extra long drive way, maybe this is Steve Hofmeyers house? I fully expect to see some topless statues blowing water out of their mouths as I enter these pearly gates. Aigtht, how am I to tell them I'm here? These are obviously people with ching, so I can't just press the bell? Ding Dong! Nope, maybe I should call? Or Inbox? Wait, what if the butler answers? Screw that! Okay, I've got it. I make my way back to my baby and I unlock it. Pressing the button twice of course. I open the door and lean in to the drivers side. I put my hand down onto the steering wheel and I press down. “praaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap” I think she'll appreciate this in some way, maybe one day. I get the response I want, although, I was expecting her to come alone. Down they come running, probably out of breath once they reach the gate. Its a long way to the top after all, you can just imagine how much it takes to get from the front door to the gate. But they both look ripped, so not much. En suite gym, I suppose. The dude with her, is either her brother, her boyfriend, gay friend or lover. He's holding a baseball bat. I respond by standing back up. Spooky: “Don't worry, I'm white.” Rolene: “What has that got to do with anything? Spooky is that you?!” Spooky: “Yep, you're not going to beat me because me parking here is probably driving the property worth down, hey?” Rolene: “ What? No, but I might call the police, the whole neighborhood now knows that I'm receiving a guest.” Spooky: “Mister Chip and Dale over there, he your brother?” Rolene: “No, put down your hands. We're not here to arrest you, Spooky.” I put down my arms. Spooky: “Your gay buddy then?” Rolene: “No. Why don't you wait until I introduce you guys? He's my Boyfriend.” Spooky: “Ah, okay cool. Sup dude.” Rolene: “Put down that bat. You're spooking him.” The gates slide open. I was expecting something from the Adams Family, but I'm sorely disappointed. Where does one get gates like those in anyway? Rolene: “Freddy, this is Spooky, a friend of mine from Facebook.” Freddy: “That your real name? Spooky? Were your parents Hippies or something?” Spooky: “Why, you wondering if our parents grew up in the same commune?” Freddy: “This guy has jokes.” He's a pretty guy, I can see him fronting a Hair Metal band. I love Hair Metal, so the jokes I'm about to make will be so much harsher. Rolene: “And I'm Rolene, Pleasure.” She's pretty as well, way better looking than on the facebook photos.

Spooky’s World

Spooky: “Where's the cat?” Rolene: “Sparta?” Spooky: “Yeah, I was hoping he'd have come down as well.” Rolene: “Oh, no, he can't be let out, he hasn't been cut, so you can imagine.” Spooky: “I'm guessing cats just dissapear here right?” Freddy: “Among other things...” Spooky: “Look, I can move the car if you like, I know its not really a Bently or a phantom or anything. It's still American, and a Ford at that.” Rolene:”Come, lets go inside. Don't worry, your car is safe out there, this is a nice quiet neighborhood. No troubles.” I smile and follow them into their home, or hers as I took it. Rolene: “I don't have a brother, only a sister.” Spooky: “Just like me.” Rolene: “That's right, Zana, right?” Spooky: “Yep, her fault I'm here today.” Rolene: “Well, send my regards, will you?” Spooky: “She'll be overjoyed to hear from you guys.” Rolene: “That's nice, hey why don't you two go to the living room while I go upstairs to put my face on.” Spooky: “Oh, no, don't worry, you can stay in your PJ's if you like, it's just a couple of questions.” Freddy: “That's not her PJ's...” Spooky: “Okay, I'm sensing some antagonism here. Is it because I'm a guy? Look, I promise I'm only here for the interview. I'm not gonna pee on anything in your house, not even against one of the couches.” I try to make it sound as friendly as possible, I mean a joke is a joke until you get slugged in the head. I know that as well as anybody, I mean sometimes that fist becomes a gun, a gun that forces you onto your knees. So I know. Just reading the situation right now. See how far I can push, you know. Freddy: “Come, lets go watch some TV.” Freddy leaves me behind with Rolene. I wonder if he's made the right decision? Rolene: “If he offers you some weed, don't take it.” Spooky: “Why? Is it laced with acid?” Rolene: “No, its 32 herbs and spices. Mostly of the kind that burns. He's been trying for weeks now to get somebody to smoke it.” Spooky: “Do you think I'll get high from it?” Rolene: “I don't think so.” She laughs as I follow Freddy into the lounge. There's expensive shit everywhere. Strange self portraits line the walls. Strange in the way that its her, but dressed as a variety of different animals, each pose more out there than the previous. Spooky: “Freddy?” I find him in the lounge. The curtains are still drawn for some reason. It makes me uneasy. I like to know that theres something natural to go back to. To escape to if I should need. More paintings await me. This time filled with the vision of Freddy. Fireman Freddy is probably the most memorable. I cannot help but wonder if he stood there, like that, while she was painting him. And, if Mister Bean was the one who strategically placed that bowl of fruit right in front of Freddy's crotch area. Spooky: “Hey, Vince Neil, nice apples-” I'm suddenly interrupted by something quite unexpected.

Spooky’s World

Freddy: “What apples. Dude, why are you staring at me like that?” Spooky: “Now, look, I know that it was probably a bit rude of me earlier, not answering your question in a civilized manner like I should have. And, instead opted to serve one right back at you. A question I mean, instead of an answer, but. Forgive me for this, but. Why the fuck are you naked, dude?!” Freddy: “Am I? I didn't notice.” Spooky: “Ag, Close you fucking legs dude, come on!” Freddy: “What, does it make you uncomfortable?” Spooky: “No, I like staring at a guy I just met semi erect penis. What do you think?” Freddy: “I didn't know what to expect dude.” Spooky: “What did you think was gonna happen, I was just gonna waltz in here and try to suck your dick?” Freddy: “Well, yes. I mean look at me, I'm a Greek God, pappie. Look at this six pack. Boom chickey boom-boom!” Spooky: “I have no words.” Freddy: “Look, I have to do this. The doctors said its good for my self esteem.” Spooky: What's that smell?” Freddy: “It's baby oil mixed with suntan lotion, nice right?” Spooky: “No not fuckin nice, what the fuck man.” I lost my cool here, I'm not proud of it. My voice went higher, my face red. The smell of suntan lotion and baby oil in the air threatening to make me gag. Hey, at least it was the smell of that and not whats between his legs, if you get my drift. Freddy: “Dude, let me ask you a question.” Spooky: “What?”

Spooky’s World

Freddy: “I hear you studied film at one point?” Spooky: “At one point.” Freddy: “And you're working on a couple of films of your own?” Spooky: “Yes...” Freddy: “What would you say about...” Spooky: “What?” Freddy: “Letting me feature in a film?” Spooky: “Have you any previous experience?” Freddy: “Well, Before Rolo, not much, hey. But she can attest, I get the job done.” Spooky: “What job?” Freddy: “You know. Oenst oenst oenst oenst.” Spooky: “Don't do that with your hand man. You want to know if I'd direct a porno of you guys?” Freddy: “Well, I don't mind if she's present if that's what you mean.” Spooky: “What then? You want to make a solo movie?” Freddy: “Well, yeah.” Spooky: “You know they make those films for the gays right?” Freddy: “No they don't.” Spooky: “Who else but a gay dude would watch another guy jerk off. Uh, shit, that's gross.” Freddy: “What? No its not.” Spooky: “I'm not watching you wank Freddy. Sorry.” Freddy: “Come on, I'll pay you whatever you want.” Spooky: “No! Sit down, or I swear to God, I'll punch you in the face.” Freddy: “Please man, this is my chance to be something.” Spooky: “No, sit. Something more than what?” Freddy: “More than a super model, man.” Spooky: “fok nee. Ek's uit.”

There's just so much I can take. This thing right here, this is it. I should have punched him out, because he started running after me. It's a wonder he didn't slip on any of the tiles. Freddy: “Dude, wait, I still haven't offered you some of my joint!” Spooky: “I don't want to smoke your joint man, I told you!” Freddy: “Not my penis, jesis! Weed!” I guess I should have known we'd meet her at the door. I mean, why wouldn't it end like this. Rolene: “What's going on?!” Freddy: “Just one puff, man.” Spooky: “Freddy is a freak. I'm out of here.” Rolene stops me from leaving her house.

Spooky: “Let me go.” Rolene: “What happened here?” Freddy: ”He tried to molest me, Rolo! He tried to peel my Banana!” Spooky: “He's. Jesis, let me go, so I can bliksem him!” Rolene: “Wait, there seems to have been a misunderstanding!” Spooky: “This has gone way to far to be just a mere misunderstanding.” Freddy: “Pederast! Pervert!” Spooky: “fok! Nou's dit verby!” Rolene: “No, No. Lets go.”

She pushes me out the door, Rolene: “Nee, you stay here.” Freddy: “You aint touching me, bru. Your hands are staying in your pockets!” Spooky: “Wait, where are we going?” Rolene: “I have something to do, come on you're taking me.” Spooky: “Your boyfriend isn't all there is he?” Rolene: “Don't talk bad about him.” Spooky: “I'm not, I found him like that on the couch. He was waiting for me like that!” Rolene: “Yeah. It's medicinal.” Spooky: “So this happens a lot?” Rolene: “One of the reasons I'm with him. Come on.”

So we get into my car and we start driving. And at first its like really awkward, considering what had just happened, mostly from my side of course. She was singing actually, softly to the music that was playing on the radio. Now, I don't usually listen to the radio. At all. But I don't know, shit like that, changes your priorities. Spooky: “You wanna put a CD in or something?” Rolene: “Why? Turn here.” Spooky: “Because commercial music bores the shit out of me and in some cases even makes me sick.” Rolene: “When have you ever gotten sick from listening to the radio?” Spooky: “Well, after a long day, I don't want to listen to that shit the teenagers seem to love.” Rolene: “You still haven't answered my question.” Spooky: “I'm not good with that.”

Spooky’s World

Rolene: “With what?” Spooky: “What? Oh, you know. Answering questions.” Rolene: “Says something about yourself.” Spooky: “What do you mean?” Rolene: “I'm studying psychology you know.” Spooky: “You gonna psychoanalyze me now?” Rolene: “Have you ever been to one?” Spooky: “I don't think so, no.” Rolene: “Want me to analyze you?” Spooky: “No. Not really. Where are we going in anyway?” Rolene: “The Kollenade. No, let me. Okay, lets see what kind of music you like.” Spooky: ”Are we going ice skating?” Rolene: “You've been there before?” Spooky: “Yes, maybe once.” Rolene: “You are pretty indecisive.” Spooky: “Ye, yes I guess so.” Rolene: “A real man can make up his mind.” Spooky: “I don't like dealing with absolutes.” Rolene: “You are afraid of the outcome?” Spooky: “Sometimes.” Rolene: “You are an Aquarius right?” Spooky: “Yeah, why?” Rolene: “No, no reason. So most of these things, they are all like Golden Oldies?” Spooky: “What, what do you mean Golden Oldies?” Rolene: “You know, stuff our parents listened to when they were our age. And by the looks of it stuff my Grandparents liked as well.” Spooky: “Firstly. Most of what you are holding in your hands right now, are what's referred to as Heavy Metal, or Classic Rock. And secondly Nine Inch Nails are hardly what I'd call Golden Oldies.” Rolene: “If my dad has their album they are considered Golden Oldies.” Spooky: “I'd like to meet your father then, he seems like a cool guy.” Rolene: “Why? Nine Inch Nails isn't exactly a group that resonates positivity, my father could be an asshole with a baseball bat, would you still like to meet him?” Spooky: “Depends.” Rolene: “On what?” Spooky: “On your favorite band.” Rolene: “Hey, I thought I was the one doing the psych evaluation here.” Spooky: “You are, but as you can see, I'm not a mirror.” Rolene: “No. You are more like a flowing river.” Spooky: “And? Can you see the bottom?” Rolene: “Nope. Its all murky. You don't like me probing you do you?” Spooky: “I don't mind.” Rolene: “So will we listen to this then shall we?” Spooky: “Only if we get out and cover ourselves with mode first.” Rolene: “You want me to undress already?” Spooky: “I didn't say that.” Rolene: “Does Freddy scare you?” Spooky: “In which way?” Rolene: “Which ways are there?” Spooky: “Does he scare me physically, as in am I afraid of him kicking my ass?” Rolene: “Or?”

Spooky’s World

Spooky: “Are you asking me if I'm a homophobe?” Rolene: “You think that Freddy is gay?” Spooky: “No.” Rolene: “Why not?” Spooky: “He's with you.” Rolene: “I could just be his beard.” Spooky: “You could. And we could just be driving to a mall.” Rolene: “What do you think this is, Spooky?” Spooky: “An Intervention.” Rolene: “I'm not trying to change you.” Spooky: “You are trying to figure me out.” Rolene: “Yes I am.” Spooky: “Do you do this kind of thing often, Miss Axefield?” Rolene: “What?” Spooky: “Drive in fast cars with strange boys.” Rolene: “All the time.” Spooky: “So where are we going?” Rolene: “The mall, I told you.” Spooky: “Yeah, I know that. But what are we going to do there?” Rolene: “I need some art supplies.” Spooky: “More paintings of Sebastian Bach over there?” Rolene: “Yeah. He wants to do one where he's only wearing a stuffed Lions head.” Spooky: “And hang it over the fireplace or at the top of the stairs I imagine?” Rolene: “ How did you know?” Spooky: “I'm psychic. Here we are.” We drive into the parking area. This really wasn't going the way I wanted it to go, in fact the more this day goes on, the less hope I have for it turning out normal. Maybe this is the way I wanted it to go. I mean, the more shit that happens the better the story right? Yeah. Like a farce, this too escalated quite quickly and before I knew it there was a giant hole in our hotel rooms floorboards and we had already stolen the patron opposite to ours' cupboard to cover it up. But, we have now progressed to the stage where I've begun contemplating our escape, by way of tying the duvets to each other and going through the floor. I'm lucky that I never gave the Hotel Owner my real name, otherwise I'd have been really screwed. Oh Betty. Spooky: “So, when are we going to do this Interview?” Rolene: “What Interview?” Spooky: “The one I came her to do with you?” Rolene: “ Oh.” Spooky: “Why did you think I was here?” Rolene: “To just hang out.” I follow her into the mall. Maybe I wasn't supposed to get an interview with her this day, Maybe all this was just one more adventure I'd live during the great journey? Meh, fuck that I came her to find out her views on cosplay and I'd be damned if I left there without it. Spooky: “Wait, the CNA is over there, where are you going?” Rolene: “We aren't going to CNA.” Spooky: “But. Art Supplies.” Rolene: “This isn't for some lame ass school project, Spooky. I'm gonna be painting the greatest man in the world.” Spooky: “Arnold Schwarzenegger?” Rolene: “You know who.”

Spooky’s World

Spooky: “Clint Eastwood? Dunno, who else.” Rolene: “We are going to a specialty store, have you ever been at a specialty store?” Spooky: “Yeah, but we got kicked out because I asked the owner of the store if he could blow up the doll before I bought it.” Rolene: “Guy has jokes.” Spooky: “You wanna get a drink or lunch after this?” Rolene: “Can't. I have a date with a Demi-God.” Spooky: “I'm not watching you paint him.” Rolene: “How else are you going to get what you came for.” Spooky: “Why do you guys want me to see his dick so bad?” Rolene: “Was it as good for you as it was for me?” Spooky: “I expect not.” We reach the store. I should have expected this. Place is called “Artlyfe.” Jesus, why am I here? Rolene: “Spooky, stick close to me okay.” Spooky: “Why?” Rolene: “Cause shit might go down.” Spooky: “I'm not going to be an accessory when I enter this store am I?” Rolene: “You're too big for my handbag, lets go.”

I follow her inside. The sounds of Simon and Garfunkel pollute my ears. Hey, at least its not classical music right? Fuckin arty types. Hippie Bastards, why can't they listen to metal and still be creative? I'll tell you why. “The higher the pinky. The fancier you are.” Spooky: “Lets get this over with.” Rolene: “Damn, here he comes.” Spooky: Here who comes?” Rolene: “Act like we're together.” Spooky: “What, I can't get any closer to you, if I did it would be inappropriate.” An artsy douche with a big shit eating grin approaches us. Is that a fucking fedora? Whatever. Rolene: “Nee, just- oh hi Gerrie.” His name tag says Gordon. Go figure. Gordon: “ Please Miss Axefield, while I'm at work it's Gordon.” Guy's acting like I'm not there. Spooky: “Sup dude?” Gordon: “Yes, I'll be right with you sir.” He's not even looking at me? Short guy, looks like he spends all his time in the gym. Gordon: “You look so radiant today. How's everything?” Rolene: “It's good. No problems.” She sounds nervous. Uncomfortable. Nothing like earlier. Who is this guy? Spooky: “Okay...I'm just gonna go over-” Her hand grabs at my arm. She slashes her nails into me with a grip that could probably bring a giant to his knees.

Spooky’s World

Spooky: “fok! Ow, eina-eina! Ah-ah-ah. Laat gaan. Laat gaan.” Gordon: “So Rolenetjie. You still with that Blowhard, what was his name?” Spooky: “Bret Micheals!” Rolene: “Freddy.” Gordon: “Yes, forgetful fellow.” Was this guy Afrikaans or English. He spoke in so many accents, it was hard to place him. Rolene: “Nee.” Spooky: “Nee?!” Gordon: “Well. That is a surprise. Is that why you are dressed all, sexy?” I didn't notice. Well okay I did. But I figured it was a trap so I left it alone seeing s she's a cosplayer and everything. I mean getting an interview is fine, but if I hear that consent bullshit one more time I'm going to drive out onto the N1 and total my baby.

Rolene: “Nee.” She doesn't take her eyes off off Gordon. Steel grip, steel gaze. Gordon: “What? This asshole?” Spooky: “Hey, I'm not the one speaking in some fucking accent and wearing a fedora.” Gordon: “Hey! This is my real accent!” Spooky: “Oh, and where are you from douchebag? Fantasy Land?” Rolene: “Hey.” Gordon: “You don't want to let the tiger out of the cage, Kelso.” Spooky: “Hey, I look nothing like that guy!.” Gordon: “If you want I could go get a trucker hat for you at Pep Stores, I think they have some that says loser on the top.” Spooky: “fokken doos!” Rolene: “HEY!” Gordon: “What?!” Rolene: “That's right. He and I, totally together. Yeah, look he even gave me a promise ring.” Spooky: “Wat?” Like I said, a total farce.

Rolene: “Nee.” Gordon: “Motherfucker. And where's yours?” Gordon: “Why then? Why then come here if its not into Rolene: My baby has fat fingers, he had to get it re-shaped.” my arms, we belong together stywe boudjies.” Spooky: “Wag. Wait a damn minute!” Rolene: “Would you please excuse us for a Spooky: “Is it okay if I intervene? This is not me being moment?” sexist or anything? I'd think I'd like this action to be considered sweet, you know me standing up for you?” She pulls me aside for a second. By my fucking dead arm! It's okay. My arm was numb by this stage. Gordon: “Okay, look, I told you I'd be right with you, why are you still here?” I point to her ninja-like grip on my arm. Gordon: “Oh. Rolentjie...Who is this man?” Rolene: “He's my new stud.” Spooky: “Wat?! We aren't still busy with the psych evaluation are we?”

She comes up very close, for a second I thought that she was coming in for a kiss, but she Golden Boy'd me and went right past to my ear. What the fuck is going on. Rolene: “Play along.” Spooky: “What?!” Rolene: “Pretend that we're together.” Spooky: “Why?!” Rolene: “Listen asshole, you do as I say, or I get Freddy to put your dick into that dead lion's mouth.” Spooky: “Gulp. Bu-But my dick is still attached to my body!” Rolene: “For now...”

Spooky’s World

Gordon: “Now, I haven't said my peace yet.”

Spooky: “Of course.” Rolene: “Wow.” Spooky: “This isn't a wedding ceremony Jesis. Wait your Spooky: “I know you like horses, so we can have turn.” a couple of them. And chickens.” Rolene: “And cats?” Rolene: “So, what will it be?” Spooky: “As many as you like, but we don't want Spooky: “How about we-” to much. I don't want to be married to the Rolene: “Snip-snip!” crazy cat lady.” Spooky: “Gulp!” Rolene: “How does 300 sound?” Rolene: “I thought so. I knew you'd come through when I Spooky: “Just south of insane.” saw that Petshop Boys cd in your car.” Rolene: “Take me, Spooky!” Spooky: “Petshop Boys?! I don't have a Petshop Boys Spooky: “What? You mean right here, in front of Album?” everybody?” Rolene: “Don't worry, your secrets safe with me.” Rolene: “No...what the fuck are you talking about?!” Gordon: “That's enough!” Hey Zana, I know it was you! Why would you do this to me? Why! I turn around to face Gordon. Gordon: “And?” I place my hand on Rolene's shoulder. Spooky: “Well, It's true. Cat's out of the bag. Happiest I've, uh, ever been!” Rolene: “Is that the best you can do?” Spooky: “Uh...She...She's pregnant? With twins. That's right. One night we got drunk and I forgot to, uh put on a condom and, and here we are.” Rolene: “I'm not pregnant.” Gordon:” And now you gonna skip out on being a daddy right?” Spooky: “Did I say that asshole?” Gordon: “You seem the type. Drifter.” Spooky: “You can just go fuck yourself. We've made plans, I've taken an extra job as a gun thug for a mining company. Its hard and dangerous work but I make my own way.” Gordon: “Oh shut up.” Spooky: “I've already taken a loan and we're looking at small holding in Heidelberg. I want my kids to have what I never had growing up. There may not be mountains down there, but they can still run barefoot up and down the kopies if they like. You know, grow up outside.” Rolene: “I'm not pregnant.” Spooky: “I'm going to build us a house and have a little garden where we can plant vegetables.” Rolene: “You'd do that?”

Spooky’s World

This is the part where the story derails. Remember what I said earlier about a joke going to far? This is it. I hit the ground. Gordon: “Fuck you think you're doing? You can't just swoop in right at the last minute?” Rolene came running to my side. Gordon: “You know. I've been through a lot for this bitch. Did everything so she'd notice me. But she never did. All because of that one damned night!” Spooky: “Gordon, calm down. It's the steroids talking!” Gordon: “All I ever wanted was a kiss. One kiss. I never meant to hurt you Rolentjie. You gotta believe me.” Rolene: “Don't call me that.” Spooky: “What's he talking about?”

Rolene: “Nothing. Don't worry about it.” Gordon: “No! Let the bafoon in on our little secret.” Rolene: “Nee. Hou op!” Gordon: “Okay. I will. One night whilst we were still in high school, Daleen Meintjies, you remember her right, your bestest friend in the whole Goddamn world? She threw a party. She suggests that we play spin the bottle, and well silly me, stars go up in my eyes like its fucking Christmas day.” Rolene: “Stop! Asseblief!” Spooky: “Wag, let him finish his monologue.” Gordon: “So. My dream comes true, the bottle lands on us. She asks, truth or dare.” Spooky: “You went with dare?” Gordon: “And Daleen, the little whore, she says to Roelientjie, I dare you to go make out with Gerrie in the closet!” Gordon: “I dare you to go make out with Gerrie in the closet!” Gordon: “ I dare you to go make out with Gerrie in the closet!” Gordon: “ I dare you to go make out with Gerrie in the closet!” Rolene started to cry. I figured out why I was here. She needed me to take care of this asshole. It must be hard. Having the one thing in the world that scares you the most wake over that which you love the most. Gordon: “We went into the closet, I shut the door. And as soon as I closed my eyes she spat in my face. I opened them and there she was, the woman I loved, laughing at me. Ridiculing my feelings for her.” Rolene: “Nee! Hou op. Spooky, doen iets! Asseblief!”

Spooky’s World

Gordon: “I still see her fucking face. I, I got so angry, so suddenly. This burning feeling. I started to scream. Scream at her. I grabbed a handful of her hair and I kissed her. I forced her. The only way I could ever. I started to beat her as she pulled away. Again and again and again. Until the closet door opened and they pulled me off off her.” Rolene: “Spooky!” Gordon: “I could never figure out. Why didn't anything happen to me? Why didn't the cops show up, why wasn't I expelled?” Rolene: “Want ek wou nie gehad het hulle moes nie. Ek het nie gedink jy verdien dit nie.” Gordon: “Wh, What?! After everything I done, you pitied me?” Rolene: “It was in your eyes. I stopped laughing when I saw your eyes.” Spooky: “Wat wil jy hê moet ek doen?” Rolene: “Maak hom seer, so seer dat hy my nooit sal vegeet nie.” Spooky: “Okay. Kom, wag buite vir my.” I took her outside and I shut the door, there wasn't any customers to be seen so it was easy. I told her that she'll give me that interview before I drop her off, and she did and I left her at her house. I went back inside. I hope she closed her ears. Because it wasn't pretty, there was so much blood, more than I have ever caused with my own two hands. He had some words before I knocked him out. I heard him out, I told him how I felt and then he smiled, just before I put his head down against the carpet. I walked her to the Spur. Where all of my interviews seem to happen. She wanted to thank me but I wouldn't accept it. She wanted to know what we said to each other, I told her:

Spooky: “I told him about the riddle of steel. My riddle.” Rolene: “You going to tell it to me?” Spooky: Why would you want to hear it?” Rolene: “I don't know.” Spooky:”You don't have to feel bad about this.” Rolene:”I don't. You see, because I know so much about psychology, I know people better than they know themselves. Everything that happened in there today, was so selfish. On all our parts.” Spooky “No it wasn't.” Rolene:”No?” Spooky: “No. It was the human thing to do. It may have been irrational, but it was right.” Rolene: “Why?” Spooky: ”Because it has to be. If we start doubting ourselves its over.” Rolene: “I thought you don't deal with absolutes.” Spooky: “That's because I'm not a man.” Rolene: “What then?” Spooky: “You're the expert you tell me.” Rolene: ”I thought you don't like being probed.” Spooky: ”They say the bad tasting ones work the best.” Rolene: “You choose not to be a man, always have. Am I right?” Spooky: “Dunno.” Rolene: “You think you are a monster. You choose to be one. That's a choice Spooky. A Decision. You dealt with absolutes when you made that choice.” Spooky: “So what are you saying?” Rolene: “You know what I'm saying.” Spooky: “Like I said. I'm psychic.” Rolene: “You can keep your dick, Spooky.”

For that. I thanked her. INTERVENTION. JGL 2014

The Pop Culture Cookbook In the first instalment of our Pop Culture Cookbook, we bring you a recipe right out of Middle Earth. The Elves' Lembas Bread, as seen in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, it is given to Frodo and Sam on their trip to Mordor and is essentially the reason the two of them “break up”. One small bite is enough to fill a full grown man!

Ingredients: 2 ½ cups of flour 1 tablespoon of baking powder ¼ teaspoon of salt 8 tablespoons of cold butter 1/3 cup of brown sugar 1 teaspoon of cinnamon ½ teaspoon of maple syrup/honey 2/3 cup of milk/heavy cream (or more, if necessary) ½ teaspoon of vanilla

Method: Preheat the oven to 220°C (425°F) Mix the flour, baking powder and salt into a large bowl Add the butter and mix with a fork until the mixture resembles fine granules Add the sugar and cinnamon and mix them into the mixture thoroughly Add the milk/cream and vanilla and mix into the mixture with a fork until a nice, thick dough forms Roll the dough out about a ½ in thickness Cut out in 3-inch (about 8cm) squares and transfer the dough onto a cookie sheet Criss-cross (DO NOT cut all the way) each square from corner to corner with a knife Bake for about 12 minutes or more (depending on the thickness of the bread) until it is set and lightly golden. Serves: 10 12 pieces of Lembas Bread

Ask Nurse Joy!

Nurse Joy Dear Nurse Joy,

Nurse Joy,

I saw your space in the last issue of this magazine and decided to take a chance and send you an email. I have a problem. I’ve been dating this girl for well over six months now and things were going fine...or so I thought. She has an unnatural obsession with fictional characters to the point where I feel I will never compare to them. She hasn’t said anything but I think she wishes I was more like Light or the guy from the Hunger Games. What should I do?

I have a problem. There’s this guy on my Facebook who is just the strongest definition of annoying. He’ll use almost every status update to insult me without actually saying my name, and it will always be about something we discussed so I know he’s talking about me. He’s a bit unstable so unfriending him isn’t exactly an option, what do I do? When I confront him he always resorts to public and frankly, childish retaliation.

Regards Lonely. Dear Lonely Boy. Honey, look, all of us fantasize. Not all about psychopaths with a God complex, but, sure, we all do. As far as I’m concerned its harmless. You can’t be Superman, that’s been established a long time ago by many men who’ve tried. Let her fantasize. It’s healthy. You can fantasize if you like as well. It's a form of escape. We all want what we cannot have, that’s what makes us human. Love, as always, Joy.

- Fed Up. Dear Fed Up, This boy is obviously infatuated with you. Please go easy on him, since he seems to be on the emotional level of a kindergartner. But, as you’ve said, things can get out of hand if he starts obsessing over you. My advice: Get yourself a real man or a Gun!

Guns are always the answer, just ask me, or my Ex boyfriend now serving 20 to life. Love, as always, Joy.

Need Advice? Contact Nurse Joy TODAY! Email: ichigekimag@gmail.com Subject: Nurse Joy

In the next issue

Batman: Under the Red Hood Review & a Look into the DC Cinematic Universe

Indie Comics

The Legend of Korra