CRYING IN H MART - BOOK REVIEW

KEV WANG - Writer, 2nd Year, Electrical Engineering & Computer Sciences

"(the new Apple emojis)"

Modern personifications of artists and celebrities most often come in the form of bite-sized pieces of information: tabloid news of the latest high-profile breakup, short interviews promoting some upcoming work, clickbait vlogs. Like the entertainment and art they produce, their media presence is constructed with ease of consumption in mind. In contrast, Crying in H Mart, by Michelle Zauner (known for her experimental pop band Japanese Breakfast), is a hard story to take in. It’s unfiltered, unafraid to delve into complex feelings, to contemplate thoughts you would rather suppress. Even so, the eloquence in which it is written and the purity of the emotions Zauner puts into writing makes this book a hard one to put down.

What immediately jumps out, and is a persistent theme throughout the book, is the incredibly vivid descriptions of food. The ridiculous amount of time Zauner puts into describing the aisles of H Mart, the tastes of her childhood dishes, the recipes she followed as she reminisces, almost serves as a defiance of Chekhov’s Gun, a reminder that, unlike in some works of fiction, things in life–rather, her life–don’t all happen for a reason. There is no overarching moral or conclusion that the story has to lead to. It is clear that to Zauner, food is deeply imbued with meaning. Yet, these painstaking details tell us that food is also an end to itself, something created with the ultimate purpose of simply being enjoyed.

As a second generation Asian-American, many of the experiences that Zauner speaks of are all the more relevant to me: the sense of shame during my childhood of being too “white” when I interacted with my Southeast Asian family yet too Asian when I’m around other Americans; the gradual acceptance of this mixed cultural identity as I grew up; the disdain that my mother, with her tough tiger-like love, never pampered me as much as the “mommy moms” described by Zauner; the strange habits, superstitions, and sayings that I hold onto as an anchor to my ancestral roots. Their personal relevance means that I have analyzed these aspects of my life almost to death as well as seen them reflected often in media. When reintroduced to these thoughts in this book, they simply did not feel novel nor profound anymore. However, that was precisely where the charm lay. The simplicity and universality in which Zauner describes such nuanced, detailed parts of her life are really what makes it feel so personal and so real. For instance, in chapter 5, she talks about the scarcity mentality, the feeling that “if there’s already one Asian girl [as a music icon], then there’s no longer space for me”. Throughout my childhood, I struggled to reconcile with similar thoughts, thoughts that were irrational, subconscious, and difficult to put into words. It’s easily overlooked, but Zauner’s ability to verbalize that feeling, and to do it so succinctly, is something I am appreciative of and impressed by. In a similar vein to the scarcity mentality, I have to remind myself that the commonalities in our Asian-American upbringings do not invalidate our lived experiences or make the story she tells any less unique.

Crying in H Mart is about both the big and small moments in life. It left me with a desire to focus on the big picture and not worry about the details, but also with a zeal for living in the moment, for straying off the proverbial path and going to smell the roses. Zauner illustrates that when a loved one is on their deathbed, nothing else seems more consequential. Yet it is the small things that they’ve done, the small ways they have changed your life that make your memories of them so rich and make the last moments of their life so heart wrenching. Life is lived in small increments, each second inevitably succeeded by the next. Most moments in life may pass by with seemingly little importance, but incrementally added together, it is the gestalt of these momentary actions and thoughts that make life complete.