Running retreats for children By Kristen Hobby www.spiritualityandparenting.com
How to run a retreat for children Welcome to the Spirituality and Parenting E Book on Running a retreat for your child. In this e-‐book you will find everything you need to create a contemplative, peaceful and reflective space for your child. The benefits of running these retreats include: -‐ Improved connection with your child -‐ A sense of deep peace for your child -‐ A renewed sense of purpose in you and your child’s life -‐ The emergence of a new dream or direction -‐ Affirmation of you as a person on a spiritual journey. -‐ A refreshed you, who is ready to face your life with greater clarity and energy. Why run a retreat? We’ve all heard stories about adults particularly religious sisters and priests who head off on silent retreats. I’m not sure about you but often when I tell people I attend and run retreats I get some pretty incredulous looks and comments. Such comments as “how can you stay quiet?” or “I couldn’t stay quiet for 5 minutes”. It is one of those things that can seem quite daunting but like all things it just takes a little practice and the benefits can be enormous. Imagine this. You leave all your responsibilities, to-‐do lists and obligations for a few days and just get to be. You travel to a lovely location where all your meals are prepared for you, complete silence to think, time to reflect on your life, where you are, what your dreams are, perhaps what invitations are emerging for you. You may spend the day anyway you like, you may go for walks in nature, spend time journaling, writing or reading books or poetry, or practicing an art. Everyday you might get an opportunity to speak to a Spiritual Director or retreat guide where you can discuss in a safe and nurturing way what might be arising for you. You can go to bed at whatever time suits you and sleep in if you wish, or perhaps you choose to arise early and watch the sun rise. The benefits of this practice might include: -‐ A sense of deep peace -‐ A renewed sense of purpose in your life -‐ The emergence of a new dream or direction -‐ Affirmation of you as a person on a spiritual journey. -‐ A refreshed you, who is ready to face your life with greater clarity and energy.
A retreat for children Now imagine how you could introduce these ideas to children. A few years ago when my daughter began school, we decided to run short retreats in each of the school holidays throughout the year, so four times per year. The first retreat I ran I wasn’t sure what to expect, I wasn’t sure if my then four year old daughter would enjoy the time or become frustrated. I set up a space for her, played some relaxing music, began with a guided meditation and then had activities such as drawing or sand play for her. She lasted one whole HOUR! For an hour she quietly spent drawing and colouring. Over the years we have tried a few different things such as a city retreat or added some new elements but it has mostly stayed the same format of an opening meditation followed by quiet time. She is eight now and we still keep to about an hour before she wants to talk but over time that will increase. For her, she gets to turn off all the external noises of music, TV and the internet and just get in touch with her own inner voice and wisdom. She also enjoys some undivided attention for her mother, a guided meditation and emerges with a sense of calm and peace about her. It is about being not doing I will outline some things to include in your retreat but the focus of the practice is very much about being not doing, daydreaming is very much encouraged. We are constantly trying to fit in as much as we can but our minds, bodies and spirits all need time to relax and recharge. The biggest challenge is to let go of the idea that you need to ‘achieve’ something in this time or tick something off your to-‐do list. No, this is just about being.
The role of parents The role of the parent is to create a safe place for the retreat. This is the hardest and simplest thing to do. You can never underestimate the importance of space. For children to enjoy and benefit from a retreat the space needs to be warm, inviting and nurturing. Take the time to find a quiet space that is free from interruptions, visually appealing and comfortable. Just ask yourself if you would be happy in this space. More tips on creating the perfect space are mentioned below. I have found that my daughter will often copy what I choose to do such as drawing a mandala or doing some sand play. You are their model on how to be in a quiet space. They need guidance and practice on how to be quiet and contemplative. It is also the parent’s role to help the child make sense of the experience by reflecting upon it after the retreat. It is important to really listen to your child’s experience and assure him/her that all feelings are fine. This reflection may involve drawing of the experience or if they are old enough to write in a journal, they may choose that. Some helpful questions are: o What was the retreat like for you? o How did you feel during the retreat? o What did you notice about being quiet? o What did you enjoy doing? One child versus more For younger children under five or six I would recommend scheduling one on one time with each child. For older children it would be fine to have more than one. Boys versus girls While it may appear that retreats would more be suited to girls, it is definitely something that boys are able to participate in. You may have to adapt the format for boys and they may need to build up from small amounts of time to longer time frames. Boys may prefer to have the retreat outside and they may need to incorporate some physical exercise in the retreat, such as inviting them to walk as they reflect.
Where to do it? You just need a quiet area of your house, so a lounge room or a bedroom work well. Try and eliminate as many distractions as possible. Other possibilities include a park or natural bush setting, a quiet beach or lake. I’ve also tried a city location which becomes more of an exercise in observation. On a warm day, you could easily choose to take it outside in the backyard.
What you will need You don’t need to buy anything special, in fact I encourage you to use what you already have in your home. o I like to set up a focus area with a blanket or mat o Have some pillows and cushions around o If it is cool, have a blanket available for the meditation o Candles are a nice way to create a peaceful place o Have some other light available for drawing, but not too bright if possible o Some relaxing music, classical works well, o Some coloured pencils, crayons or pastels and some blank paper. o You may choose to use a picture from a book (travel books work well) or a framed picture you have in your home. o For older children who are old enough to write, you may like to invite them to write in their journal. Just ask them to write about anything that interests them. Encourage them that they are free to write whatever they
would like and that no-‐one will read it. It is vital that you as a parent keep this promise. o A sand play, if you don’t have a bought one, you can easily make one with some sand in a tray. You can use forks to make patterns, and add some small rocks. o I like to start with some quiet music but I then turn it off before the meditation, silence is nice.
How to begin? You can choose to set the space with your child and invite them to add special elements. I’ve learnt from experience that if they bring along too many toys, they can easily get distracted, but for younger children a teddy or doll is fine. Alternatively, you may choose to set up the space and then invite your child in as a surprise. Either way they will some time to familiarize themselves to the space and ask any questions. Once they are comfortable, I like to tell my daughter how the retreat will flow. For example if I am beginning with a meditation, what things are available to her, how long we will have a retreat for and that it is about being quiet and enjoying the peaceful environment. I like to light a candle as a ritual of beginning the retreat. You may play some gentle music and then begin with a Quietening exercise (see examples attached). Opening meditations. There are three types of opening meditation I use. -‐ Guided -‐ Centering -‐ Reflective prayer or poem. Guided Meditations Below you will find the body relaxation meditation and the beach meditation. Both meditations work will with children of all ages. Centering Meditation I recently tried a form of centering meditation where I set up an area with some items from nature, a couple of different types of flowers, some small branches with leaves, pieces of fruit, small stones, items such as seed pods or pine cones. Here’s how I do it. I begin with a quietening exercise, then I invite my daughter to take a few moments to look at each item. When she feels ready I asked her to select one item from the group and spend 4-‐5 minutes (this can be adjusted to the age of your child, from 1 minute to 10 minutes or so) just looking at the piece. Hold it, examine it, smell it, and feel it.
At the end of the time, I then invite the child to use some materials to draw the item. You will be surprised at the detail of the picture when the child has spent some time really examining the item. Older children may like to write about the experience. Tell them that at the end of the retreat, they will be invited to speak about it. Reflective prayer or poem. Sometimes a poem can speak to us in a way that prose can not. You can choose a poem that is appropriate to your child’s age. Even poems such as ‘The Owl and the Pussy Cat’ can spark interest and engage young children. Here’s how I do it. I begin with a Quietening exercise I then invite the child to keep their eyes closed and listen as the poem Read it slowly through once. Before you read it again, invite the child to notice is a word or phrase that catches their attention. Before you read it again, invite the child to see if they notice the same word or phrase. You may like to invite them to draw a picture about the experience. Closing the retreat. You will need to be flexible with the length of the retreat. You can tell when your child is ready to finish. They will find it increasingly difficult to keep quiet or still and begin to talk. I like to ask the child if they are ready to end. I then ask the child to blow out the retreat candle. Reflections afterwards It is very important to invite children to reflect upon the experience so they can help to bring meaning to the experience. Some helpful questions are: o What was the retreat like for you? o How did you feel during the retreat? o What did you notice about being quiet? o What did you enjoy doing?
Two quietening exercises
Attend to your posture I invite you to attend to the way you are sitting. Back upright but comfortable. Feet side by side on the floor so that your body is well balanced and in harmony. Your hands resting on your lap Gently close your yes Begin to notice the sensations in your body The feel of your feet on the floor. Your feet in your shoes Your clothes against your skin. Your clothes on your legs, on your hips, back, shoulders Notice any tension in your neck. Move your head gently from side to side for a moment or two. Invite any tense areas to relax.
Attend to your breath and body
Notice your breath, don’t try to change it. Just notice its passage in and out. Now as you breathe in let your awareness go to your feet. As you breathe out, invite your feet to relax. Be aware of your feet, let your feet relax. Now as you breathe in let your awareness go to your legs. As you breathe out, invite your legs to relax. Be aware of your legs, let your legs relax. Now as you breathe in let your awareness go to your feet. As you breathe out, invite your feet to relax. Be aware of your feet, let your feet relax. Now as you breathe in let your awareness go to your hands. As you breathe out, invite your hands to relax. Be aware of your hands, let your hands relax. Now as you breathe in let your awareness go to your shoulders. As you breathe out, invite your shoulders to relax. Be aware of your shoulders, let your shoulders relax. Now as you breathe in let your awareness go to your heart. As you breathe out, let your heart be at rest. Be aware of your heart, let your heart relax. Listen to the silence deep within your whole being (pause)
Body Relaxation Meditation Lie down, find a comfortable position and close your eyes. Breathing in Breathing out Breathing in Breathing out Breathing in Breathing out Breathing in Breathing out Now imagine a warm light coming and shining on you. This light begins on the top of your head. The light now moves down on to your face. Feel the warm light on your face. The light now moves down on to your neck. Feel the warm light on your neck. The light now moves down on to your shoulders. Feel the warm light on your shoulders. The light now moves down on to the tops of your arms. Feel the warm light on the tops of your arms. The light now moves down on to your forearms. Feel the warm light on your forearms. The light now moves down on to your hands. Feel the warm light on your hands. The light now moves down on to each finger and your thumbs. Feel the warm light on each finger and your thumbs. Now the light moves to your chest. Feel the warm light on your chest. The light now moves down on to your tummy. Feel the warm light on your tummy. The light now moves down on to the tops of your legs. Feel the warm light on the tops of your legs. The light now moves down to your knees. Feel the warm light on your knees. The light now moves down on to your feet. Feel the warm light on your feet. The light now moves on to each of your toes. Feel the warm light on each toe. The light is now over your whole body. Feel the warm light on your whole body. (a few moments of silence) When you are ready, gently open your eyes and sit up.
Beach Meditation Breathing Find a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Big breath in. Breathing out Breathing in Breathing out Breathing in Breathing out Breathing in Breathing out Imagine you are walking along a beach. It is a beautiful, warm, sunny day with a slight breeze. The waves are gently lapping on the sand. You take your shoes and socks off and feel the sand in between your toes. You notice there are some beautiful shells lying on the beach. Pick one up if you would like. You can smell the salty water. You can feel the breeze on your face. You might be eating a yummy ice cream. Taste its coolness and sweetness. You can hear the seagulls flying above you. Look out to sea. Do you see people swimming or maybe some boats? It is lovely and peaceful. You find a spot and sit down. Feel the sand around you. Look out at the waves. Waves coming in and going out. Waves coming in and going out. Waves coming in and going out. Waves coming in and going out. (a few moments of silence) Breathing Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in Sharing the Experience What did you see? What did you hear? What did you smell? What did you taste? What did you feel?