Section Dek
THE MUSIC ISSUE TIMELESS STYLE The best trends never go out of fashion
CLOSE HOPS Drink in our guide to local beers
HOT TRACKS The sexiest tunes to play in the bedroom
Priscilla
TOWNSEND Plays our heart strings DMIX || 1
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ICONIC DECADE
From the refined elegance of Jackie O, to the Mod-ness of Twiggy and the flower child hippy legends, Nicole Hensel and Hannah Stevens give you a modern take on the timeless style of the 60s. 4 || TITLE
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BBRIANATWOOD.COM
contents 7 Calendar 8 Editor’s Letter 9 Editor’s Picks 10 Publisher’s Letter 11 Student Tell All
PARADE 12 GIRL WITH A GOLDEN HEART
Kristel Harlacher redefines what it means to be selfless
13 SUMMER SETS
Alex Lopez trades the icy waters of Alaska for the frigid world of politics
PHYSIQUE 15 IRRASHAIMASE
A step-by-step for the sushi obsessed— from buying the fish to serving the dish
17 LOCALLY BREWED
Skip the Bud Light and get your hands on the best beers in the area
ON THE COVER:
18 SLIM WITHOUT THE GYM
Follow these in-house workout tips to avoid the cool-weather crowds in the gym
Priscilla Townsend photographed by: Emily Nycum
POSH 21 THE IT BAG
The only bag you’ll ever need
22 HER WAY TO YOUR WAY Score designer looks for less
24 STUDENT WITH STYLE
Paige Shull adds her own personal flair
25 THE FALL OF BEAUTY
Metallics and jewel tones make your complexion shine
MAN UP 27 COLOR ME COOL
Chill out with the coolest threads
30 GO, GO GADGETS
The gizmos that can keep up with a fastpaced life
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BULLETIN 31 MUSIC by Jane Hall Yelle speaks up
32 SEX by Lady Chastity The best banging beats
33 FILM by DG Stenhouse Harry Potter forever
33 HEALTH by Austin Paulik The snacks to cut out right now
34 FOOD by Stephanie Kelly
Decipher the cryptic codes of food labels and eat better
FEATURES 36 OUT IN THE OPEN
Powerful, poetic and passionate, Priscilla Townsend could be the next Taylor Swift
46 THE LOST CANDIDATE
Jack Shepard is a mystery wrapped in a riddle and shrouded in enigma
50 FAIR LADIES, FREE SPIRITS 60s fashion never goes out of style
Monday 12 p.m. until 8 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday 9 a.m. until 8 p.m. Closed Sunday telephone: 919.416.9705 704 9th Street, Durham, NC. 27705
Durham’s premier salon
Offering the Brazilian Blowout Beauty products by Aveda, Bumble and Bumble, and Ouidad available
THE LIST
THE STAFF
Check out who’s on the list. No one knows how you get on, but everybody wants to make it.
ANDREA PERDOMO DEXTER STRICKLAND
EDITOR KELSEY ISENBERG PUBLISHER EVANNE ALLEN
WESLEY SCERCY
DESIGN DIRECTOR
ASHLEY NOONE
SIERRA PILAND
KIM COX
SENIOR FEATURES EDITOR
SENIOR LIFESTYLES EDITOR
STEPHANIE KELLY
GRACE JOYAL
WILL BINGHAM
SENIOR BULLETIN EDITOR
COPY AND RESEARCH EDITOR
JIMMY MESSER
KAELYN MALKOSKI
KATY CHARLES
EXECUTIVE PHOTOGRAPHER
EXECUTIVE PHOTOGRAPHER
KELLY BOLICK
EMILY NYCUM MANAGING EDITOR
DANIELLE GILLIARD STEPHANIE VAUGHN
TAYLOR DELBRIDGE JUNIOR PUBLISHER
JUNIOR DESIGN EDITOR
JUNIOR COPY EDITOR
SYDNEY MCKINNEY
COURTNEY TYE
MEREDITH COOK
KRISTA JASPER WIL SINGLEY CLAYTON PARROS BRITTANY BASS
STYLISTS
MEGHAN DEMARIA SARAH LEONARD KAYLEIGH WINSLOW SYDNEY LEONARD
JONNY SHAW EMILY LEAZER BRYN RENNER
DESIGN
ALYSE BORKAN ALYSSA BAILEY CHELSEA CAPPS SARA CREEF COURTNEY LINDSTRAND
ADVERTISING AND MARKETING MARKETERS KATI BLAYLOCK, MOE DABBAGH SOCIAL NETWORKING
AUSTYN CANADA
CONTRIBUTORS JANE HALL VICTORIA COOPER
JASMINE NESI LINDSAY STOFFER
PHOTOGRAPHERS
MADELINE GREGG KATIE WOOD
STERLING CATES ERIN HOLCOMB
ART
EDITORIAL WRITERS
ALEXANDER STEMER
SPECIAL THANKS YVETTE CANNAS AND BACIO SALON
MAPLE VIEW FARMS
PUBLISHED BY SW MEDIA CEO ZAK STEMER COO KATERINA BIZIOS
FOR INFORMATION REGARDING ADVERTISEMENTS, PLEASE EMAIL ZAK.STEMER@SWMEDIALLC.COM. Those submitting manuscripts, photographs, or other content to SW Media for consideration, please do not send an original copy unless requested by SW Media to do so. The publisher and editors are not responsible for unsolicited material, and it may be edited as seen fit by SW Media.
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Calendar Fall
october 6 THRU
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Listen to some good music — and feel darn good about it. The Shakori Hills Grassroots Music Festival of Music and Dance features local and global artists at its annual music and dance festival that promotes education of the arts and supports non-profit organizations. FOR MORE INFORMATION, VISIT WWW. SHAKORIHILLSGRASSROOTS.ORG. OCT. 6-9 IN CHATHAM COUNTY.
Yes, rock ‘n’ roll’s most notoriously crazy face, Ozzy Osbourne, really is a medical anomaly. In his memoir, “Trust Me, I’m Dr. Ozzy,” Osbourne answers readers’ questions about his past, telling crazy stories and giving advice they should (or should not) take. RELEASED TUESDAY, OCT. 11.
2011
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Wait no longer. Drake’s anticipated 3rd album, “Take Care” is due to release on Monday, Oct. 24 — his birthday. It could be the best he’s ever had.
november
fall
Deer Tick, led by guitarist and singer-songwriter John McCauley, performs live at Cat’s Cradle on Monday, Oct. 17. Be sure to check out this blues and folk-infused indie band. TICKETS $14 IN ADVANCE AT WWW.CATSCRADLE.COM. CAT’S CRADLE AT 9 P.M.
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Calling all Madonnas and Elvises out there — don your favorite rocker attire and get ready for Halloween in Chapel Hill. Franklin Street’s busiest day is guaranteed to keep you rockin’ and rollin’ all night long. FRANKLIN STREET.
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Carrboro’s favorite music venue welcomes the eclectic funk-infused music of Fitz and the Tantrums on Friday, Nov. 4. Sans guitar, this soul-induced indie pop band will be sure to keep you on your feet. TICKETS $18 IN ADVANCE AT WWW.CATSCRADLE.COM. CAT’S CRADLE AT 9 P.M.
“Sparks fly” when Raleigh hosts one of country’s most “fearless” boy-bashing, guitar-rocking stars, the one and only, Ms. Taylor Swift. It would just be “mean” to miss this modern day “love story.” RBC CENTER ON THURSDAY, NOV. 17 AT 7 P.M.
DON’T FORGET! Every Monday night is open mic night at Jack Sprat. Grab a friend, grab a beer, and sit back, relax and enjoy the live music. JACK SPRAT ON FRANKLIN STREET, EVERY MONDAY NIGHT.
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Letter from the Editor Making the Bucket List E
very fall brings change—new classes, new fall fashion, new movies and new music. This issue, we celebrate change and the great things change can bring. We as a magazine have expanded to bring you more of everything you love—featuring your friends, your fashion, your lifestyle. For our debut music issue, it was only appropriate to feature Chapel Hill’s next up-and-coming, Priscilla Townsend, who released her first album on iTunes this summer. She stunned us all with her beautiful photos and impromptu live performance at Maple View Farm Country Store when the ‘bus driver convention’ stopped in for some ice cream as we were taking some photos. And as the cool weather moves in, fall fashion takes hold and this season is one for the records. We’ve still got you covered on all of the trends—both from the runway and your favorite local boutiques and stores. For our fashion story, we found inspiration this season from both the past and present, combining the iconic images of fashion model Twiggy and first lady Jackie O with the modern 60s style that stomped down the runways this season. There are so many things to appreciate about fall: no longer slaving away for free during your summer internship, reuniting with friends and tailgating for football games. One thing is certain: A great year lies ahead of us. Hanging on the wall of our house is the Senior Year Bucket List. And although my roommates and I don’t know who’s going to be the one to “kiss a basketball player” or when we will actually make it to “ALL BARS” (in one night?), we know we will dedicate our senior year doing all the things we’ve loved doing at Carolina the past three. So whether you’re a senior or just starting out, make your bucket list. You only get four years (well, maybe five) as a true Carolina undergrad, so live to the fullest. Enjoy the issue,
Kelsey Isenberg 10 || SCOPE
CLOCKWISE FROM LEFT: Fellow intern and I outside the office I lived in this summer (literally - 60 hour workweeks). Behind the scenes at Priscilla’s cover shoot. Inspiration photo for this issue’s 60s fashion spread.
HIS
HERS
tWATCH OUT! The perfect timepiece for the stylish man is the redesigned Victorinox Swiss Army Original ($295). With it’s nylon band and lightweight aluminum bezel, it’s just as tough as you are. For the girl who wants to make a statement without being gaudy, check out Michael Kors’ ceramic watch ($450).
THRILLER, THINKER, STUNNER, SLYp Set in the Cold War era, Tinker, Tailor Soldier, Spy thrills as espionage master George Smiley seeks to find the Soviet agent who’s infiltrated the ranks of MI6. Out November 18.
EDITOR’S PICKS WARNING: DON’T DO THIS HOOKAH WHILE DRIVING YOUR PORSCHE. THAT JUST SEEMS PRETENTIOUS.
tGAGA FOR THE LADY On November 22, Lady Gaga and famed fashion photographer Terry Richardson are releasing a book, “Lady Gaga” of over 350 photos Richardson took while following the artist for 10 months. pTHERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE By far the coolest thing we’ve ever seen, the sleek geniuses over at Porsche have designed their own shisha for smoking hookah. The price hasn’t been released, but given Porsche’s reputation, expect it to knock the smoky wind out of you.
pMOVES LIKE JAGGER The man who caused a cultural rock ‘n’ roll revolution as frontman for the Rolling Stones reveals all in his biography, “Jagger.”
p24KT STYLE The new collection from Diesel’s Black Gold line is perfect mix of refined and rock ‘n’ roll. Our favorite men’s item? The Lemont leather jacket (pictured above).
pDUTCH DISTILLED AWESOME Ladies and gentlemen, please meet KRU 82, the new vodka straight from Holland. Packaged in an eco-friendly, reusable and über sleek titanium bottle, it’s how partiers can go green. Plus, at 82 proof, it packs a little more bunch than those bottles of Burnette’s in your freezer.
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Letter from the Publisher Cheers to Fall A nother semester lies ahead full of late assignments and long nights, and another football season that is destined to feel more like a fashion show than a series of sporting events. Admit it, you pay more attention to the varying shades of teal at the tailgate than the Carolina blue jerseys on the field. It’s ok, I do too. Fall is my favorite season which makes the transition from summer into classes a little easier. However, I do tend to get distracted by online shopping—the more pairs of boots I have, the easier my exams are. That might not be completely true but there is a pretty strong correlation. If you don’t share my love of layering and are having trouble letting go of the sweltering heat and days by the pool, have no fear. We have heaps of accessories and exciting trends to help you enjoy this semester. There is plenty to look forward to as the weather cools down; you can wear your white pants again next year, I promise. This semester also brings with it the realization that I am a senior. I wish I could say I’ve made as much progress in the past three years as this amazing magazine, but hey, I’m not gone yet! I may be old, but I have another whole year to scope out all the best local bands and I’ve made it a personal goal to try every local brew. Quite a feat, you might say, but I have to have somewhere to wear all the great new fall clothes I’ll be getting at our favorite local boutiques (my entire closet can’t be Carolina Blue). So welcome, freshmen, good luck fellow seniors, and have fun everyone in between. Enjoy this new year and the changes we put together for you and when you’ve finished reading this issue stay updated with the blog. You can never have too much style.
Evanne Allen
Top: Keren Goldshlager, Hope Henley, Catherine Burton, Lauren Roberts, Emily Freeman, Morgan Parra and I. RIGHT: Hope Henley and I
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PARTY IN THE U.S.A. —Chris Mangana
I HAVE SOME OLD A*TEENS. THAT’S PRETTY BAD. —Sophie Stramm UNBREAK MY HEART BY TONI BRAXTON —Zach Chapman
HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL STUFF. I HAVE THE VIDEO TO START OF SOMETHING NEW. THAT’S NOT A PRIDE THING. —Courtney Tesh
SUPERMAN BY SOULJA BOY. ONE OF MANY EMBARRASSING SONGS I HAVE. —Kalyan Rao
w h at i s t h e m o s t
EMBARRASSING s o n g o n yo u r i p o d ?
- students tell all -
THE NEW BRITNEY SPEARS SONG I WANNA GO. —Wendy Elkins
I LIKE IT BY ENRIQUE IGLESIAS AND PITBULL. MY BROTHERS ARE TEENIE BOPPERS. —Kristi Stout
KESHA’S BLOW. ACTUALLY, NO. ADELE, THAT’S PROBABLY MORE EMBARRASSING. —Jamal Little TITLE || 13
Girl with a Golden Heart
From rescuing orphans to fundraising for cancer research, there’s nothing this girl can’t do by sarah leonard
Kristel Harlacher is constantly striving to assist the less fortunate. At UNC, Kristel has been head fundraising chair for the popular Relay for Life charity marathon for the past two years, she’s active in Carolina’s Public Service community and is involved with numerous Greek philanthropy events including those hosted by her own sorority, Pi Beta Phi. Kristel’s selfless activism doesn’t stop at city limits. This past summer, Kristel worked with the budding Campus Y organization called Carolina for Amani—a smaller branch of The Amani Children’s Foundation based in Winston-Salem, that seeks to support New Life Home Trust in Kenya. New Life is spread throughout Kenya and aims to care for all children in need. They have four orphanages for infants, two homes for older children, a community center on the coast and a Christian nursery school scattered throughout the impoverished nation. Orphanage aid and sponsorships for in-need children are supported entirely by the tireless fundraising efforts of the Amani Children’s Foundation throughout the year.
During her time with the children, Kristel formed a deep and powerful connection to the country of Kenya and the people living there. She is adamant that she will return after graduation, to the good fortune of the children of Kenya.
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PHOTOS COURTESY OF KRISTEL HARLACHER
Kristel’s role in this organization was primarily based on her two-month stay in Kenya. The multifacted job called for her to balance administrative tasks like managing and updating essential documents with the rigors of fieldwork. Personally, Kristel rescued two orphaned babies from local hospitals and brought four orphaned babies to court to obtain permission for Amani to care for them.
Parade Fisherman
Summer Sets
From the high seas to Washington D.C., Alex Lopez can handle the rough tides by sarah leonard
Salmon fishing in Prince William Sound, Alaska is not for the weak of heart. Sleep is scarce during the 18-hour days that batter both mind and body. However, until recently, this was the norm for Alex Lopez. Besides juggling a Public Policy and Political Science double major, Alex is also minoring in Politics, Philosophy and Economics (PPE) and is president of UNC-Chapel Hill College Libertarians. This past summer, he decided to deviate from the typical months of working on the commercial salmon fishing boat in Valdez—a job that he has been doing every summer since he was 12 years old. Life at sea had it’s perks, both personal and financial. Working in Alaska for the summer allowed Alex to spend valuable time with his family—a rarity now that Alex lives in North Carolina while they are situated on the West Coast. What’s more, his summers spent fishing are so profitable that he is able to pay for school entirely on his own.
PHOTOS COURTESY OF ALEX LOPEZ
However, for the time being, Alex has made the difficult decision to abandon the sea. He took last summer as an opportunity to attend the renowned Koch Summer Fellowship Program in Washington, D.C. while simultaneously interning at The Cato Institute, which prides itself on being a “‘think tank’ dedicated to the principles of individual liberty, limited government, free markets and peace.” Throughout the summer, he attended multiple public policy seminars, hearings on Capitol Hill and briefings at The Cato Institute. He also served as a liaison between the Institute’s knowledgeable policy scholars and the politicians with the power to actually make a change, giving Alex first-hand insight into the world of politics and policy so often distorted by Hollywood. According to Alex, even with at least 40 hours of work weeks, minimal pay and a suit and tie, D.C. felt like a vacation from fish goo-covered raingear and back-breaking work on a salmon ship. All in all, Alex refuses to choose one career path over the other. In the near future, he hopes to continue the family business and captain his own fishing boat in Alaska next summer. Fortunately, salmon fishing only takes up about four months of the year, so the remainder of his time will be spent traveling and hopefully figuring out which branch of politics he would most like to pursue. Once he decides, Alex will tackle his long-term goal of getting involved in the world of politics and policy-making.
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www.revolutionrestaurant.com
Physique Physique Food
food, drink and health
Irasshaimase!
GRACE JOYAL acts as your sensai and shows you how to roll delicious sushi in your home SCOPE || 17
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hen you go to your favorite sushi restaurant, glance at the sushi chefs, swiftly cutting away at some divine piece of tuna. It’s an art that’s something to master, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try it at home. Here, we break down the key ingredients, tools and methods you’ll need for making sushi—inexpensively—at home.
TO MAKE BASIC SUSHI: Wet your hands before forming each piece into the desired shape because that rice is sticky! 1. Take a quarter sheet of nori and place about a tablespoon of rice in a square with the corner pointing at a side of the nori square. 2. Place thinly sliced fish of your choice and/or vegetables along the center of the rice.
Tackle raw fish in your creations, or play it safe with crab sticks or vegetables. Make a trip to a local Asian food specialty store and get rolling.
3. Roll like a cigar or a cone, and enjoy!
TO MAKE CALIFORNIA ROLLS: You’ll need to buy a bamboo sushi rolling mat (you can find one for under $20).
WHAT TO BUY FISH: Blue fin tuna, bigeye tuna, yellow fin tuna, red snapper, Japanese yellowtail, salmon TOOLS: Sashimi knife(or other long, thin knife), baking dish or wide Tupperware container, wooden spoon CONDIMENTS: Eel sauce, wasabi paste or powder, spicy mayo, pickled ginger, soy sauce
These directions can be applied to make other rolls—experiment with different base flavors and veggies.
TO MAKE SUSHI RICE: 1. Wash the rice in tap water. Blend the rice vinegar, sugar and salt in another bowl. Then let the sushi rice vinegar sit at room temperature or in the fridge. 2. Cook the rice, adding a splash of sake if you’ve got some. 3. After the rice is cooked, transfer it to the baking dish and evenly pour the sushi rice vinegar blend onto the rice, using the wooden spoon to spread it over the rice. Fold in about ½ cup of the concoction for every two cups of cooked rice. Keep tasting and stop when you have the perfect sweet-and-sour flavor. Spread the rice out over the bottom of the dish with the wooden spoon.
KEY INGREDIENTS 4 cups cold water 3 1/3 cups short grain white rice 5 tablespoons sugar 1 table spoon table salt 1/3 cup awasezu (sweetened vinegar) 1 packet Nori (seaweed)
1. Place a half sheet of nori on a rolling mat and cover with a thin layer of rice. Spread rice so it covers the nori. 2. Flip the nori and rice over so that the rice is on the 3. Place crab sticks (prepared according to package) along the edge of the nori closest to you. Place thinly sliced cucumber and avocado next to the crab. 4. Roll the mat starting from the edge closest to you. Once it’s wrapped, give it a squeeze and unwrap. Cover the roll in plastic wrap until you want to cut the roll (using a sharp knife) into pieces to serve and eat.
Drink If you’re not a sake drinker, try pairing your sushi with a Japanese beer (like most things, the Japanese have perfected the pairings). We suggest Kirin Golden Hop.
ESSENTIAL TIPS
Fig 1 grading
Make sure your fish is sashimi grade—that means it’s meant to be eaten raw.
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Fig 2 filets
Filets should appear moist and lie flat, with no curling edges.
Fig 3 vegetables
Make sure to pick up dried shitake mushrooms, avocados, carrots, and cucumbers
Fig 4
Fig 5
traditional
whole fish
For more traditional flavors, buy pickled eggplants, plums and radishes
When buying a whole fish, eyes should be bright and clear, gills should be deep red in color, and the skin should appear firm, clear and bright with no trace of slime.
Locally Brewed
Physique Beer
What’s in your beer? by Grace Joyal
Summer Basil
Sky Blue
Belgian Style
Blue Ridge Blueberry
Where: Fullsteam Brewery
Where: Carolina Brewery
Where: Top of the Hill
Available: May through November
Available: Year round
Where: Triangle Brewing Company Available: Year round
Flavor: Light, dry and aromatic
Flavor: Lager-ale hybrid, mild malt and hops
Flavor: Strong malt, spicy hops and 8% alcohol
Flavor: Light, fruity and smooth
Perfect For: Those who usually don’t like beer
Perfect For: Stella Artois fans
Perfect For: Duvel Belgian Ale drinkers and pairing with rich dishes like stews and smoked meats
Perfect For: Those who usually don’t like beer
“People really enjoy what I’m making. This is my art form.” —Chris Davis, Fullsteam zymologist
“I love that it’s an integral part of a fun lifestyle.” —Jon Connolly, Director of Brewing Operations, Carolina Brewery
“I started to taste flavors and beer that I didn’t know could exist.” —Rick Tufts, Head Brewer, Triangle Brewing Company
“It’s an extremely palatable beer. The girls like it because it’s not the sort of nasty, bitter beer.” —John Whitney, Head Brewer, Top of the Hill
Available: March through November
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Get Slim Without The Gym Tips and tricks to tighten and tone at home by kaleigh winslow
I
t’s four in the afternoon, and you’ve yet to sweat through more of a workout than waiting in the line at the Daily Grind. And with the cooler months approaching, there is even more reason to avoid going to the gym and stay at home with your instant Netflix. Just behind those gym doors lurks a jungle of creatures and cronies. From the shirtless bodybuilder-wannabes to the overly enthusiastic, pixie-cut Pilates instructors, the gym can be a nauseating one-hour time warp in our daily routine. How can we remedy our monotonous workout routines without ditching the exercise? Welcome to a workout minus old men in spandex and sweaty elliptical handles. This simple guide to an in-home workout will help you build an exercise plan that works for you, without having to leave the house.
PREP & SWEAT THE GO-TO GEAR Find the biggest open space in your house or apartment, like your living room, and set out your equipment. And before you head to the nearest sporting goods store ready to spend hundreds for that killer bod, take a look around your living room. Many household items can be used as exercise tools, says professional trainer and owner of Urban Fitness Studios, Karon Tunic. Here are the four in-home workout must-haves, with ideas for how to use them:
1
YOGA OR PILATES MAT
You can find this workout tool at nearly every athletic store, as well as in many discount stores. “Yoga and Pilates incorporate great toning exercises that require nothing more than your own body weight and a bit of motivation,” Tunic said. Body weight and motivation also happen to be the cheapest workout methods. Using the mat, you can do combine many different exercises to make your own circuit training routine. Circuit training burns fat and tones muscles, helping you to lose weight. Simply alternate between sets of push-ups, crunches, squats, and a form of cardio, like jumping jacks or running around the room for two minutes. If you have light weights, alternate sets with those to target smaller muscles. You can also alternate the type of crunches by changing the position of your legs and alternate push-ups by changing the width of your hand position – helping you to target different areas and switch up the routine. The plank (also known as “bows and toes”) is also a great exercise to tighten those abs - place your elbows on the floor shoulder-width apart and prop yourself up on your toes. Keeping your back straight and bottom down, hold the position for one minute and repeat for three sets. 20 || SCOPE
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CHAIR
Get ready to see your desk chair in a whole new light— an average chair (not a fold-up) can be used in getting a full core, arm and leg workout. Pull your chair into an open space and sit down in the chair. Then stand back up. Repeat 20 times without resting. Trust me when I say that this is definitely NOT as easy as it sounds. Next, take the chair by the seat, with one hand placed on either side. Lift the chair up and over your head so that the chair is upside down. Slowly place the chair back on the floor. Do four sets of 12 of these chair lifts. For a third option, work those triceps: sit in the chair with your hands clasped on the edge. Move your bottom off the chair, supporting yourself with only your arms, and lower yourself towards the ground until your arms are parallel to the floor. Slowly raise yourself back up and repear four sets of 12. Feeling strong? Prop your feet up on a second chair facing you, straighten your legs and feel the burn as you dip.
“
Yoga and Pilates incorporate great toning exercises that require nothing more than your own body weight and a bit of motivation.”
Karon Tunic, professional trainer
SOURCES: KARON TUNIC, URBAN FITNESS STUDIOS; WEBMD.COM; FITNESSMAGAZINE.COM
Physique Fitness
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STABILITY BALL
A stability ball is another piece of cheap but important equipment that can be found in practically any sporting goods store. It can used in exercises that focus on core strengthening, upper body building and leg toning. Think you’ve mastered the basic floor plank? Challenge yourself by supporting your upper body on the pilates ball, keeping legs straight and toes on the floor. Balancing on your left leg, slowly bend your right knee to meet the ball, return to starting position and repeat with the opposite leg. This exercise will improve your balance and force you to contract your abdominal muscles to avoid falling off the ball. You can also work those arm muscles with stability pushups. Lay with your abdomen on the top of the ball and roll yourself out until your are balanced with your upper thighs on the ball. With your hands perpendicular to your shoulders underneath you in a push-up position, slowly lower yourself to the ground and push up so your elbows are straight. Try two sets of 15 reps each.
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TURN IT UP THE TOP 10 WORKOUT JAMS 1. “Successful”- Drake 2. “You be Killin’ Em” - Fabolous 3. “Jump Around”- House of Pain 4. “& Down”- Boys Noize 5. “The Show Goes On”- Lupe Fiasco 6. “Knockout”- Lil’ Wayne featuring Nicki Minaj 7. “I’m Back”- T.I. 8. “Carry Out”- Timbaland featuring Justin Timberlake 9. “Ching-a-Ling”- Missy Elliot 10. “Edge of Glory”- Lady Gaga
With this guide to effective in-home exercising, there are simply no excuses for you not to keep in shape as winter rolls around. Now that you’re fully equipped with workout tools, swag and new list of tunes, the new and improved YOU is right around the corner.
JUMP ROPE
Remember how easy jumping rope was in second grade? Try it now and see if you can even make through one of those catchy songs you used to sing. Jump roping has multiple benefits - it builds coordination, improves upper body strength, and is good for your heart. Using a wood floor or exercise impact mat (not carpet), jumprope for 10 minutes, alternating the speed and frequency every 2 minutes. Starting out, jump one to two inches off the floor with your elbows close to your sides, one jump per turn. To switch it up, try jumping forward about six inches for one turn and then jumping six inches back the next turn. You can also try jumping high enough the double-turn the rope under your feet each turn. Getting tired? Do a running jump, passing the rope under one foot each turn. Ready for a challenge? Try using a weighted jump rope to tone those arm muscles as you jump.
GET THE BASICS THE TOP 5 UNDER $100 GOFIT ULTIMATE CORE STABILITY BALL, $33.99; FITNESSEQUIPMENTEXPRESS.COM
SKULLCANDY INK’D EARBUDS, $19.99; DICKSSPORTINGGOODS.COM
NIKE LUNARGLIDE+ 3 RUNNING SHOE, $99.99; DICKSSPORTINGGOODS.COM
CAMELBAK GROOVE .6L WATER BOTTLE, $24.99; DICKSSPORTINGGOODS.COM
REEBOK MT TECH JUMP ROPE, $12.99; TARGET.COM SCOPE || 21
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BACIO SALON What is bacio? It means kiss in Italian. In Italy you greet your friends or respected guests with a kiss on each cheek to demonstrate that they are welcome, invited, part of your circle. We hope every time you visit BACIO you feel like an awaited friend or an honored guest!
Color Specialist Hair Design Makeup
Bridal & Event Styling Brazilian Blowout Waxing
8020 Creedmoor Rd. Raleigh, NC • 919-870-0004 • bacio-salon.com Photo by Kimberly Naranjo, Evolve Studio Photography
Posh Accessories
PHOTO BY EMILY NYCUM
FOREVER 21 GEO TRIANGLE EARRINGS, $4.80; FOREVER 21.COM
PAMELA LOVE TRIBAL SPIKE CUFF, $175; AVAILABLE WORLDWIDE AT NET-A-PORTER.COM
The “It Bag” ANTHROPOLOGIE ‘LILAKAI’ SCARF, $175; ANTHROPOLOGIE.COM
ANTHROPOLOGIE ‘PENOBSCOT’ BELT, $48; ANTHROPOLOGIE.COM
A TRIBAL PRINT MESSENGER BAG, PAIRED WITH NATIVEINSPIRED ACCESSORIES, SENDS JUST THE RIGHT SIGNALS THIS FALL 7 FOR ALL MANKIND ‘RUBY’ SANDAL, $255; NORDSTROM.COM
RUNWAY INSPIRATION
MODEL EMILY HOPPER WEARS A STARING AT STARS TOP ($49), BDG CIGARETTE HIGH-RISE JEAN ($58), URBAN OUTFITTERS CEREMONY NECKLACE ($39), URBAN OUTFITTERS ‘ECOTE’ MESSENGER BAG ($59); URBANOUTFITTERS.COM, AND ALDO ‘ERCK’ SANDALS ($110); ALDO.COM AND ALDO STORES.
PROENZA SCHOULER
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Her Way to Your Way Steal runway styles and score the designer looks for less by Sarah Leonard and Madeline Gregg TOPSHOP MOTO GREEN 7/8TH SKINNY JEANS, $76; TOPSHOP.COM
FOREVER 21 LARGE DRAWSTRING HANDBAG, $34.80; FOREVER21.COM
DKNY SILK AND CASHMERE-BLEND CARDIGAN, $195; NET-A-PORTER.COM
TOPSHOP PATENT MOCK CROC BELT, $28; TOPSHOP.COM
PHILLIP LIM
TOPSHOP NAVY GRANDAD SHIRT, $70; TOPSHOP.COM
TOPSHOP CREAM PATENT BOW ELASTIC BELT, $28; US.TOPSHOP.COM
TOPSHOP OVAL RING, $28; TOPSHOP.COM
ALDO CALCAGNI, $100; ALDOSHOES.COM TOPSHOP CREAM LACE FLIPPY DRESS, $98; TOPSHOP.COM TIBI 24 || SCOPE
TOPSHOP RIB OVER KNEE SOCKS, $12; TOPSHOP.COM
Posh HWTYW
ALLOY COLD SHOULDER TEE, $16.50; ALLOY.COM HOUSE OF HARLOW 1960 TASSELED CHEVRON NECKLACE, $135; SHOPBOP.COM
FOREVER 21 WOVEN STRAPPY SANDALS, $19.80; FOREVER21.COM MARA HOFFMAN MAXI SKIRT, $334; SHOPBOP.COM
VENA CAVA
TOPSHOP WOOL ROLL NECK JUMPER, $76; TOPSHOP.COM ZARA DOUBLE BREASTED COAT, $168; ZARA.COM
THAKOON
TOPSHOP ‘ADORE’ SUEDE ANKLE BOOTS, $124; TOPSHOP.COM
ZARA SKINNY STUDIO TROUSERS, $89.90, ZARA.COM
ANTHROPOLOGIE PINCH POST EARRINGS, $48; ANTHROPOLOGIE.COM SCOPE || 25
Student With Style Paige Shull
by Sydney Leonard photo by Alyse Borkan
GET HER LOOK!
Whether it’s a signature color or a favorite accessory, finding a distinctive personal style is vital in developing one’s wardrobe. A sophomore anthropology major from Pinehurst, N.C., Paige Shull keeps her style unique by putting her own personal twist on the latest trends with her own handmade pieces. Using natural stones, feathers and crochet, she makes earthy and hip pieces that give a cool and personalized touch to her outfits. SCOPE: How would you describe your personal style? PAIGE: Eclectic and trendy chic. I don’t really like to box myself into a certain style because I love to mix it up. SC: Where are your favorite places to shop? PS: Anthropologie, Francesca’s and some of the local boutiques from my home town. The pieces are always interesting and they usually inspire things I make. When I’m feeling crafty, I like to shop at thrift stores to find things I can alter to make my own. SC: What is your favorite thing you’ve made? PS: This summer I found a pair of khaki overalls at a local consignment store. When I bleached the overalls, they turned this cool salmon color. Also, I made these old Levi denim pants into high-waisted cutoff shorts. It’s really cute to wear them with a tucked-in shirt and a cute belt to show off. I like pairing that with a long necklace, probably one of my stone ones. SC: What is your favorite outfit? PS: My black tank top from Nordstrom is a classic and simple foundation piece that I love to wear with things I’ve made. My favorite outfit would be dark skinny jeans, a cute cardigan and my black tank top with my handmade jewelry. SC: What are you looking forward to wearing on campus this fall? PS: My mom’s old Justin ankle boots and my newly-purchased oxfords. I’m excited to wear them with shorts and patterned tanks. Of course, I’m really excited to wear the new jewelry that I made during the summer. SC: What is your best style advice or secret? PS: Don’t be afraid to mix colors, patterns or even styles. If you ever feel like your outfit is too boring, you can add some unique jewelry or shoes to edge it up.
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GET HER LOOK: TOPSHOP CROP VEST, $32; TOPSHOP.COM HTC ‘CASABLANCA’ BELT, $180; BARNEYS.COM TOPSHOP FACET BEAD BRACELET, $28; TOPSHOP.COM J BRAND SKINNY JEAN, $158; ANTHROPOLOGIE.COM STEVE MADDEN ‘TROUSER’ OXFORD, $44.50; DELIAS.COM
The Fall of Beauty
Polished Make-Up
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Put your best face forward with SCOPE's autumn must-haves. This season, the beauty world shines with metallics and deep, rich jewel tones. by Amanda Liberatore
Foil colored shadow is sure to be a showstopper this season. Apply it to the inner corners of your eyes for a shimmery pop, or create a fierce, futuristic look by swiping it across the crease of your lid. Metallic lids are a sure-fire way to look smoking hot for a night out. Try a pigmented silver color, like Lancôme Color Design Eyeshadow in Style Section. $17.00, www.lancome-usa.com
There are a select few things that no sensible college girl should leave the house without. One of those things is, without a doubt, the perfect lipgloss. It’s a lifesaver, a girl’s best friend (especially when it shines like diamonds) and essential to complete any polished look. Chanel’s Levres Scintillantes Glossimer in Myriade is a gorgeous rose color accented with a light shimmer finish to give your lips the perfect hue. $28.50, www.chanel.com
This season is all about heavy metals, so spread a gilded gold shadow across your lids for a heavy, dramatic effect. For an ethereal, glowy look, dot the inner corners of your eyes with this shade. Try using a pressed powder for this look, such as Dior Powder Mono Eyeshadow in Bronzy Night. $30.00, www.dior.com
Make your eyes smolder like fall's cool, crisp nights around the bonfire. A look like this can only be achieved by using eyeliner, preferably in jet black or dark brown. Give the smoky eye a try by tracing your lashes with liner and using tissue or a cotton swab to smudge the edges. If you are trying to find a liner that is up to the task, MAC Eye Kohl in Teddy will do the trick. $14.50, www. maccosmetics.com
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Polished Make-Up
2 of 2 The subtle mystery of jewel tones neatly complements the intrigue of fall. Deep purple nails look darkly romantic, deeply dramatic and effortlessly chic next to any outfit. One perfectly purple polish that is sure to catch anyone’s attention is Essie’s Damsel in a Dress. $8.00, www.essie.com
Inevitably, all eyeshadows crease, wear off and dull over the course of any given day. Avoid this annoying atrocity by layering a cream primer before you apply your eyeshadow. Primer will prevent the shadows from creasing, blending together, or rubbing off—pretty much amazing! Primer will come in handy during any unpredictable weather conditions that may cause any potential makeup fiascoes. We recommend Urban Decay’s Eyeshadow Primer Potion in Sin. Try it on for size and prepare to be amazed! $19.00, www.urbandecay.com
With the right shade of blush, you can get a sweet-cheeked glow. If you prefer crème blushes over powder, rub a pink cheek stain into the apples of your cheeks for a permanent flush. Otherwise, lightly dust a powdered blush over your cheeks for a warm, rosy look. NARS Powder Blush in Orgasm is the perfect shade for fall. It has a peachy-pink hue and also has flecks of gold shimmer. $27.00, www.narscosmetics.com
With the right shade of lipstick, a girl can conquer the world. Take this to heart when selecting the perfect lip color to compliment your looks during the autumn season. The key to wearing lipstick is to select a shade that coincides with your skin tone and hair color. Choose a warm, vibrant hue, like deep red or rose. Sport a shade like Shu Umemura’s Rouge Unlimited Crème Matte in 165m and transform into an instant sexpot. $24.00, www.shuuemura-usa.com 28 || SCOPE
Coordinate your metallic lids with your nails by painting them a shiny and chic metallic shade! You can either go for the gold or strive for silver when picking out polishes. If you want to break away from the metallic mainstream, try sporting an olive shade that mixes the two hues together. Achieve this color scheme with Butter London's Nail Lacquer in Wallis. $14, www. butterlondon.com
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A well-fitted t-shirt and jeans can be fashionably nonchalant if done right. Contrast a muted tee with strikingly blue jeans for a look that pops. T-shirt by Urban Outfitters, $24 Jeans by Raleigh Denim Jeans, $250 available at Vert and Vogue. 905 w. main st. durham, nc.
Color Me Cool
Tone down the bright colors for more muted fall shades. Follow Brian Fried’s lead and you’ll always look like you’ve got game, whether you’re on the field or in the stands photographs by David Chou
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A rock and roll t-shirt in a bright color brings an “I do what I want” attitude to your look. Pair with a matching belt and dark jeans for style that always wins, even if your team doesn’t. t-shirt and belt by
Urban Outfitters, both $24 Jeans by Raleigh Denim $285 sneakers by
$138
Camper,
jeans and shoes
Vert and Vogue. 905 w. main st. durham, nc. available at
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Throw a cable knit sweater over a dress shirt to tone down the look for fall. We love blue on blue with a knit sweater from Banana Republic ($150) and a slim-fit dress shirt by Culturata ($142). Vert Vogue. 905 w. main st. durham, nc.
shirt available at and
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Go-Go Gadgets
APPS
All the tech toys and apps that keep a college guy on the move by Zak Stemer and Patrick Light
t Trying to type—or worse, scribble—fast enough to keep up with your rambling history professor is a thing of the past. With Dragon Dictation, just start the app and it will type everything it hears. Downside: It uses spoken punctuation commands, so unless your prof ends every sentence saying “period,” be prepared for one long sentence.
GAMING
Free at Apple’s App Store
t Everything is better augmented, and that’s no jab at the bustless babe down the hall. Meet augmented reality apps like Wikitude. Look through your phone’s camera and it will show you links, directions, photos and even which of your friends are chilling nearby. Free at Apple’s App Store
MUSIC t Life on the cloud can be a glorious thing, and Spotify soars above the other options (we’re talking to you, Amazon). If you score an invitation, you can register for a free account with radiostyle ads, or a premium ad-free account. Sure, you might not get your obscure DJ remixes, but with their 15 million song library, you’ll probably be in heaven.
p Let us just say that, while we love dedicated portable gaming systems like the Nintendo 3DS—3D and no glasses? How cool is that!—it’s time to economize. The new Sony Ericsson XPERIA Play is the new Android-powered smart phone and Playstation rolled into one. It’s sleek, it’s sexy (and as a gaming addict, you’re going to need all the help you can get in that department) and it’s got that big, beautiful touch screen. Just don’t game and drive, it’s Oprah’s new pledge. $99.99 at verizonwireless.com
E-READERS u Meet Kindle: The Next Generation. With the release of the new Kindle Fire and Kindle Touch, Amazon proves that it knows it’s customer. Perfect for music, movies and books, the Fire combines beauty, ease of use and affordability, but sacrifices features like 3G capability (it only works with WiFi) and a camera. The Touch focuses on ergonomic simplicity. It has the same antiglare screen designed for easy, comfortable reading for the true bookworm. 32 || SCOPE
Free, $4.99 or $9.99 per month depending on package.
$199 at amazon.com
$99 at amazon.com
BULLETIN JANE HALL ON MUSIC ² LADY CHASTITY ON SEX ² D.G. STENHOUSE ON ICONS ² AUSTIN PAULIK ON HEALTH ² STEPHANIE KELLY ON FOOD
Yelle tells Jane Hall about her bizarre fashion choices SCOPE || 33
BULLETIN
Wild Child
MUSIC
SEX
This song says everything you want to say. Ladies, take a little control and lead your man on to the bed. Unbutton his shirt and run your fingers gently over his chest down to his waistline. Men, kiss her lips, move down her neck and around her collar bone.
Pop sensation Yelle makes their mark on the worlds of music and fashion by Jane Hall
“Motivation” by Kelly Rowland
By this point, things should be getting steamy. Any clothes that aren’t gone need to go. Fellas, grab her and put her on top of you. Kiss down her neck and around the contours of her breasts. Ladies, buck around and let him know he’s on the right track. Throw your head back, close your eyes, and lose control.
Outlandishly dressed pop superstars have exploded onto the Hollywood scene in a supernova of glitter and wigs. The line between fashionable and bizarre has become distorted and blurred, and few have been able to walk the middle ground—that place that lies somewhere between meat dresses and Susan Boyle. True to French form, the budding band Yelle has managed to master the art of style, combining unconventional prints and shapes while remaining beautiful. The electropop band is comprised of lead singer and namesake Yelle (Julie Budet), GrandMarnier (Jean-Francois Perrier) and Tepr (Tanguy Destable), a trio whose high-energy beats make it impossible to stand still. Born on the pages of MySpace in 2005, the group skyrocketed in popularity and has since toured the globe four times and produced two albums, Pop Up (2007) and Safari Disco Club (2011).
They're a unique variety of UTTERLY BIZARRE. Yelle is FRENCH STRANGE— it's just like normal strange except more
ARTISTIC, CULTURED AND SLIGHTLY PERFUMED. I met Yelle during their soundcheck at hipster haven, the Cat's Cradle. The first thing you notice when you look at the group is how beautiful all three members are. Despite their dishoveled sound check clothes, the still look like models. As lead singer and the face of Yelle, Julie often steals the spotlight in photos, but after noticing GrandMarnier‘s deep blue eyes my interest was shifted. Sitting down next to Julie, I was hit with a second distraction as I realized what was on the bench beside me. Wrapped in a clear dry cleaning bag was her Coachella outfit, a hot pink cheetah print body suit, reminiscent of Britney Spears’ “Oops!...I Did It Again” music video wardrobe. Pictures of Julie in the slim onesie had gone viral on fashion blogs after the April festival. Little did I know she was planning on wearing the suit again for part of her Carrboro show. There's no question that they're an odd group, just watch any of their music videos if you need to be convinced. But they're a unique variety of utterly bizarre that's a far cry from Lady Gaga's super sexuality or Katy Perry's California Candyland. Yelle is French strange—it's just like normal strange except more artistic, cultured and slightly perfumed. Their music is blended across cultures and generations, drawing from classic American rock to 80s girls like Cyndi Lauper. Despite English influences, the band is committed to singing in
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“Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
“Play” by David Banner
This song is all about making a woman happy. Gents, don’t forget the importance of foreplay. F.Y.I. that thing about the back of a woman’s knees being an erogenous zone is false, spend your time elsewhere.
“Ignition” by R. Kelly
Ladies, if he’s working hard to get you ready, you should consider returning the favor. Men, remember this song is by R. Kelly. Make sure your partner is over 18 or you’ll be committing the most ironic sex crime ever.
“Birthday Sex” by Jeremih
It’s time for the main event. Start slow and sensuous. Men, pay attention to her body. When she arches her back or moans, you’re doing something right.
“Gettin’ Some Head” by Shawnna
Hot Tracks
The best songs to set the mood Ladies and gentlemen, sex is all about the rhythm. If that’s news to you, then you probably need to schedule a one-on-one appointment with me for some after-hours tutoring. To help set the beat for your night, I’ve decided to open up and share my favorite songs to get down and dirty to. Whether it’s a special moment or a fun night of rapturous, sweaty, claw-marked passion, throw on these tunes and you can go all night.
“Mesmerized” by Ja Rule
This is the perfect song to start setting the mood. Men, gently caress her face before slowly pulling her in with a kiss. Bonus points if it’s actually your birthday. French, allowing them to better express themselves. As we began to discuss style, GrandMarnier explained that, for the group, becoming involved with the fashion industry seemed inevitable due to the “girly kind of electropop” music they produce. “At the beginning I would just buy stuff for shows at American Apparel, but today it’s really great to be able to work with designers to collaborate and invent something with them. There has definitely been an evolution of sorts,” explained Julie. One of the first designers that Yelle worked with was Jean-Charles de Castelbajac, who has been described as “the Andy Warhol of the fashion industry.” With their most recent album, Safari Disco Club, the group collaborated with Belgian
The best sex is always a little bit adventurous. Never get caught in a dull routine. Mix up the positions. If you’re usually more submissive, try to be more assertive and take the reins.
“BedRock” by Young Money and Lloyd
Find your rhythm but mix up the forcefulness. I love it when a man can make the headboard rock, but no one loves a solid 30 minutes of jack hammering. Take it easy sometimes.
“S&M” by Rihanna
A basic knowledge of S&M should be in every great lover’s repertoire. Plain and simple, primal is sexy. Tug at hair, gently bite and leave some scratch marks. If you find you like it, pull out some cuffs or rope and get tied up. Important tip: Never forget the safe word.
“All I Do Is Win” by DJ Khaled
Could there be a better song to listen to immediately after climax? When this tune plays after a sweaty hour of rolling around, I just want to high-five myself. designer Jean-Paul Lespagnard to create a collection of brightly colored and heavily textured costumes. “It is important for us to have everything matching,” explained GrandMarnier while discussing the Safari Disco Club wardrobes. The thing that never matches amongst the three, however, are the shoes. When trying to describe the four-inch platform shoes made for the Safari Disco Club shoot, Julie giggled. “The outfit that I’m wearing in that picture is crazy. It is made of plastic, and it is beautiful but it is very hard to move in.” Regardless of which designer they are collaborating with, the members of Yelle all seemed to agree when Julie said that their fashion choices are “all about the music and what we wanted to portray to our fans.”
ICONS
Harry Potter’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
A tribute to the three greatest wizards we’ve ever known. by Daisygreen Stenhouse I watched the last Harry Potter film on the largest IMAX screen in the world. Yes, you should be incredibly jealous. Three girls in front of me were dressed up as Fluffy the three-headed guard dog (they shared one very large, three-headed T-shirt which I’m sure they lost tons of popcorn down). Although some moviegoers were full-on grown-ups, most were about college-aged. And when the credits rolled, nearly all were speechless. Harry Potter is over. Our generation was captivated for thirteen years by books, and then films, about wizards. But as my very wise roommate once said, “It’s so much more than that.” I don’t remember a time when the next Harry Potter book and/ or movie wasn’t coming out.
Our parents had The Beatles; we had Harry Potter. There will be other popular book-seriesturned-film-phenomena, but Harry Potter is untouchable. He’s magic.
And now my eight-year-old brother will read the books, and watch the movies, and I’m sure he’ll like them plenty, but he won’t live them like we did. When he’s done with one book, he’ll grab the next one off our bookshelf. He didn’t scavenge in Turkey for an English copy of The Prisoner of Azkaban. He wasn’t traumatized by the sight of pillaged shelves our parents had the day after The Goblet of Fire came out. He didn’t stand THE BEATLES; in multiple lines for multiple hours to get good seats at we had every midnight showing. He HARRY POTTER. has never see a Harry Potter movie in theaters. His version there will be other of Harry Potter is seven books popular bookand eight DVDs stacked neatly on a bookshelf at home. series-turned-film-
phenomena, but I remember buying Harry Potter For him, there’s a sliver of space and the Sorcerer’s Stone at my between each of them; for us, HARRY POTTER IS elementary school’s book fair. those slivers were the years UNTOUCHABLE. I remember Ms. Sal reading spent waiting, imagining— it aloud to us in fourth grade. growing up. Some of us started HE’S MAGIC. I remember the dozens of reading it before we could Halloween costumes every year. really even read, we saw the I remember the gargantuan pile first movie a decade ago before of Amazon and Barnes and Noble boxes outside any cast members were hot, and (for most of us) the main office at my summer camp the morning before we really thought anyone was hot. the last book came out and how dinner that night was silent except for the occasional gasp. And now we hang up posters in our dorm rooms, I remember the loudspeaker announcement join the Quidditch team, or let our roommates that every camper had to attend that evening’s think we’re listening to music when really it’s the activity, and that all Harry Potter books were to sixth book on tape. And while we love college, be left in the bunk. I remember my best friend most people I know would trade whatever finding the loophole—faking sick and reading in acceptance letters they got for that one letter the infirmary. from Hogwarts.
HEALTH
The Seven Deadly Snacks
Cut these foods out of your diet. Now. by Austin Paulik This article takes three minutes to read or ten seconds to skim, so listen up. Most of us are trying to be efficient in classes, with time (so we can party), and money (hopefully). So why not be as skilled with our diet? Every day we eat or drink these things and never give it a second thought, but these are the hidden devils in your diet. It’s time to exorcise the demons so grab some holy water and watch your neck. Just remember RESCUE ME. Well, not me, but yourself.
1. Reduced Fat Labels
If the item is reduced in fat, guess what the fat is replaced with? More sugar or salt! Is there less fat? Yes. It is better for you? It’s actually probably worse.
2. Excess Salt
People should only have around 1 teaspoon or 2,300mg of sodium/day. Excess salt contributes to heart disease! If your taste buds enjoy the extra kick of flavor opt for pepper!
3. Soda (Even diet, sorry)
Regular soda contains outrageous amounts of sugar! Enough said. Diet sodas contain artificial sweeteners, like aspartame. Aspartame is 200 times sweeter than table sugar (sucrose). Artificial sweeteners can lead to migraines and depression.
4. Coffee
Coffee is a very acidic diuretic (causes dehydration). Coffee also magnifies stress and anxiety. Not something I need!
5. Unconscious Over-Use of Salad Dressing Put your dressing to the side and dip your fork into it for the added zip- the best calorie saving trick I know!
6. Energy Drinks (Especially with booze)
These drinks over-stimulate your body. They cause hearts to race, hypertension, and messed up sleep cycles. Plus excess sugar + caffeine + alcohol leads to a killer hangover.
7. Mayonnaise
Does nothing but adds unnecessary calories. Use regular or spicy mustard instead
8. Empty Stomach
Not eating is never healthy. Eat smart, and if you’re going to diet please never do the cayenne pepper and maple syrup cleanse. It’s pretty much just disgusting. If you rescue your body, it will respond back with resounding thank you’s. Plus you’ll sleep better and have more energy. Learn a new language or something.
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BULLETIN
FOOD
Crack the Code Increase your food vocab and make healthier choices by Stephanie Kelly
Food and diet trends seem to come and go about as quickly as the seasons change. One second no one is eating carbs and the next stores can’t keep fish oil supplements on the shelves. Wait, you’ve never tried a detox diet? Where have you been? Even if you’ve managed to steer clear of food fads, that doesn’t mean eating is easy. Things as simple as buying a meal from the grocery store or going out to eat at a restaurant have gotten complicated beyond belief. The word “organic” has become synonymous with “healthy.” But then there are also terms like “freerange,” “natural,” “humanely grown,” “unprocessed” and raw. When I’m trying to buy food at the grocery store, it’s hard to decide if buying the organic or natural product is worth it because I’m legitimately guessing what those terms really mean,” says Hannah Dixon, a senior at UNC Chapel Hill. Grocery shopping has come to feel more like an exercise in deciphering jargon than fulfilling the basic human need to eat. According to the law that requires ingredient lists on food products, you have a right to know exactly what it is that you’re buying and putting in your body. But with that tiny font, it’s almost always easier to believe the big “organic,” “free-range” or “all-natural” label slapped across whatever it is you want to buy. Since foods must legally adhere to certain specifications to carry these labels, here are some USDA terms from their glossary that you may find handy the next time you go to the grocery store: ECO-LABELING A symbol, graphic or statement that appears on products or their packaging in order to convey an environmental aspect of that product to the consumer. ORGANIC FOOD Produced without: antibiotics; growth hormones; most conventional pesticides; petroleum-based fertilizers or sewage sludge-based fertilizers; bioengineering; or ionizing radiation. USDA certification is required before a product can be labeled “organic.” Companies, including restaurants, that handle or process organic food must be certified also. Fun Fact: The world’s first and only organic bar is located at GustOrganics restaurant in New York City. NATURAL AND HEALTH FOODS Foods that are considered by the public to have superior health benefits because they were produced with little or no preservatives, processing or pesticides. Formerly only available in specified “health food stores,” natural and health foods have gained a sizeable following in the United States, as evidenced by their availability at large chain groceries like Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s. SUSTAINABLE AGRICULTURE The practice of agriculture that supports sustained economic profitability, sustained quality and well-being of the environment, efficient use of natural resources, and the overall quality and availability of food and fiber for mankind. RAW FOODS Foods that have not been preserved or processed in any way other than washing, cutting and/or chilling. Since the natural food craze took off, raw food diets have gained popularity as a way to bring food consumption as close to nature as possible.
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Still want to learn more? Here are our top picks that will help you get to the bottom of food jargon, diets and consuming.
Recommended Reading 1. Food Rules by Michael Pollan 2. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver 3. Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer 4. The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan 5. In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan
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CAN’T BE
BEAT An unstoppable singer, wild-child hippie styles and the strangest politician you’ve never heard of will leave you impressed, inspired and intrigued.
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Out in
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the Open
Dept Section
With her new album, the lovely, poetic and multi-talented Priscilla Townsend will leave you spellbound as she croons her soft melodies. Standing on the precipice of greatness, the guitar-strumming songbird talks candidly about her past, her present and her bright future. Story by Kaelyn Malkowski Photographs by Emily Nycum Hair and makeup by Yvette Cannas for Bacio Salon
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Just a day before her cousin’s wedding, Priscilla Townsend found herself without a wedding gift. Slightly panicked, she started to brainstorm thoughtful last-minute present ideas. (How late is Bed Bath & Beyond open? Is it acceptable to re-gift Mom’s toile china set?) Then, in a moment of clarity, she had an epiphany: She picked up her guitar and wrote a song. “It came together in less than an hour—the fastest I’ve ever written a song,” the singer/ songwriter said. “It was as if the music was naturally flowing out of me.” Fast forward one day, and the end result, “The Wedding Song,” was played at her cousin’s wedding reception, bringing tears to all and leaving her cousin in a state of speechless gratitude. To Townsend, invoking such emotion in her fans is most rewarding. Her music isn’t about popularity—the glitz and glamour of her rising rock-star status and her new role as a hometown celebrity—it’s about inspiring others. “Inspiration brings empowerment for obvious reasons to my fans, but also to me” Townsend said. In her opinion, it’s all about the first impression, one that resonates as purely natural. Rightfully so, everything about Townsend is natural. She writes all of her music, from the artful lyrics to the chord progressions to the tediously-chosen key. She wears little makeup — maybe a tinted moisturizer with a touch of mascara to highlight her magnetic milk-chocolate eyes. She is most comfortable in an oversized T-shirt and a messy braid. And, the musician has never taken a single singing lesson in her life (or guitar lesson, or ukulele lesson, or piano lesson, for that matter). Altogether, she is authentic and poignant, the embodiment of raw talent. If you haven’t seen or heard of this talent quite yet, expect this to change. On July 27, her first album, “Chasing Sleep” was released to iTunes, succeeding her first single, “How Did I Know,” released in early August of 40 || SCOPE
2010. She is signed with The Bench Studios in Monroe, N.C., and collaborates closely with the professional team, led by producer Rick Lapinsky. She has performed — and will continue to perform — at many concerts in the greater Chapel Hill area, including performances on campus with a cappella groups, such as the Accordants and Psalm 100, and off-campus live recording sessions with Duke University. In the upcoming year, she hopes to expand her performance repertoire to include larger venues, such as Jack Sprat and Cat’s Cradle. Her buttery, Colbie Caillat-like style is slowly, but surely, penetrating the music world. However, the musician, grounded by her humble beginnings, isn’t jaded or star struck by her recent success. Raised in the rural town of Fitzgerald, Ga., Townsend developed her passion for music at the young age of 5 years old. After her kindergarten teacher handed her a kid-sized guitar, Townsend never could quite let it go — literally. “That was when I started my guitar fix, “Townsend said of kindergarten. “Since then, I pretty much don’t go anywhere without my guitar.” While Townsend acknowledged that her first experience with music was in her kindergarten classroom, she attributed the nourishment of her passion for music to the thing she cherishes most — her family. Her family of seven, led by her mother, Soledad, was strongly rooted in music. Townsend recalled memory upon memory of falling asleep to the sound of her mother’s lullabies; her older sister, Elaine, teaching herself to play the piano by ear; and the unique sounds of rain sticks and shells tied together, produced by La Semilla, a Peruvian folk band that often stayed with the family. Because Townsend is partPeruvian, the distinctive sounds of the folk band conjured her curiosity. “There was always music around — it became a part of me,” Townsend said. “From an early age on, I knew it was something I wanted to pursue.” At the age of 9, Townsend became serious about music when a friend gave her a guitar, a self-proclaimed “turning point” in her life. Since then, she has dedicated herself to developing her musical style, thus far toying with everything from jazz to acoustic to pop/rock sounds. She recently picked up the ukulele and the piano, teaching herself to play by ear, and hopes to develop a chill “take the ukulele to the beach” sound. “Right now, though, my musical style has a ‘my guitar and me’ feel,” she said. Although the emphasis of her first album is, of course, her guitar, she envisions the focus of her next album as the piano. Because she listens to a lot of different styles and artists, including Sara Bareilles and Maroon 5, and because she wishes to evolve as an artist, she believes her style will constantly develop.
Her musical style, much like her fashion style, is most affected by her mood, and the three coincide in an interdependent, synergistic relationship. One day, for example, she feels super perky; correspondingly, she performs her upbeat, pop-infused songs and rocks the color red, skinny jeans and a scarf, a piece for which she has a recent “self-declared obsession.” Or, if she’s feeling more laid back, she’ll perform her acoustic songs, wearing earthy, granola tones and a flowing, bohemian dress. Regardless of how Townsend feels, one accessory of hers is constant: a bracelet, woven with soda can tabs and adoration, given to her by a young girl in Managua, Nicaragua, while she was on a service trip in summer of 2010. Although she claims she isn’t superstitious, she wears it to all of her shows. “The bracelet is a constant reminder of my mission as an artist,” Townsend said, “to make a personal connection with everyone I meet.” Her versatile mood and analogous style are as distinct as her music. Townsend’s style conveys a sense of effortless and qualified comfort, influenced by her fashion icon, Rumi Neely, an innovative blogger and shopper who incorporates vintage pieces into her personal style. Townsend, too, loves the vintage look, channeling this love into thrift-store shopping. Drawn to the allure of other people’s stories, told through clothing — formerly owned and currently resigned to the racks of thrift stores — Townsend enjoys spending her free time at local vintage shops and has ultimately developed a unique skill. “Thrift-store shopping, which includes finding one-of-a-kind pieces, worn ages ago, and putting them together in a new and stylish way, is a skill,” Townsend said. “I think I’ve gotten pretty good at it.” And she really has gotten good at it — “it” being an umbrella term that encompasses more than just thrift-store shopping and a personal fashion style. Townsend is a confident, budding musician, with a future with more prospective depth than she would have ever imagined. She truly has “it” mastered. Townsend is excited for the future but remains levelheaded and wisely focused on each day ahead. This upcoming fall, she is overcome with eager anticipation — anticipation to score a new pair of wide-legged pants or a fur jacket on a thrift-store venture, anticipation to delve deeper into her major of dental hygiene, and most of all, anticipation to expand her musical network. (Expect Townsend, using her personal expression as a conduit of her enthusiastic mood, to appear in crazy patterns and bright colors.) It is no surprise that her anticipation, in combination with her innate drive and appreciation of personal values, comprise her mantra. “Appreciation, anticipation and passion are words that guide me,” Townsend said. Ten years from now, directed by these words, she hopes to bring unity and happiness to her friends, family and followers. Whether she works as a dental hygienist or a full-time musician, she hopes to inspire others. “Because what will I really mean if I don’t inspire others to be 100 percent?” she said. And with that, Priscilla smiled, a natural smile, a smile brimming with possibility and poise, paralleling this artist’s promising career. “You’ll be seeing more of me,” she said. “Just wait.”
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“BECAUSE WHAT WILL I REALLY MEAN IF I DON’T INSPIRE OTHERS TO BE 100%?”
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“YOU’LL BE SEEING MORE 46 || SCOPE
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OF ME. JUST WAIT.”
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American Dental Studios Dr. Jack Shepard (formerly D.D.S.)
THE CAND
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dr. jack shepard is
LOST IDATE by Timmy Knudsen SCOPE || 49
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On the south end of Via delle Terme di Tito, in the center of Rome, there is an American dentistry office inconspicuously crammed on the ally-less street. Set a football field’s length north of the massive Roman Colloseum, American tourists walk by this office daily, easily distracted by the grandeur of Rome. The dentistry’s story is a
setting his sights on the White House. Shepard’s explanation as to why he was conducting a presidential campaign from halfway across the world was top secret. When the St. Paul Pioneer Press contacted Shepard, he claimed that “Jack Shepard is my legal name, but not my real name” and that “it is a felony to expose the identity of a clandestine CIA agent.” Skilled in spy-like doublespeak, Jack clarified, “I, like all others in my business, have to ask special permission to answer any questions. I have submitted your question, but have not heard anything. You clearly do not understand the crucial role I play in defending your freedom.’’ Message received: Jack Shepard is a modernday James Bond with political aspirations. Throw in the fact that he tweets and he’s a shoo-in to become the first double-0 president. Thankfully, instead of everyone automatically voting for Shepard because of his implied heroism, the same St. Paul newspaper decided to dig a little deeper. They thought they recognized his face from a couple strangely unforgettable stories in the Minnesota news some twenty years
Shepard that he had no history of mistreating any patients. That being said, they found that he has a “mental illness for which he sometimes refused to take medication.” The board warned Shepard that they planned to audit the records in his home office in order to verify certain claims for welfare reimbursement. The next day, the building had been completely torched. While unconfirmed, all signs seem point to him as the arsonist. Shortly after the blaze, a witness identified the man leaving the smoking building in a Corvette as Jack Shepard. Not eager to willfully serve time again, he immediately fled the country and has been a wanted fugitive ever since. Sometime between the mid to late 80s, Shepard arrived in Rome, with political aspirations and precisely zero attempts at changing his appearance in order to conceal his wanted identity.
JACK FOR PRESIDENT Planting his roots in Rome, Shepard has been the “Founder, Special Peace Envoy and Director
When asked why he was campaigning all the way from Rome, Jack claimed, “Jack Shepard is my legal name, but not my real name,” and that,
“IT IS A FELONY TO EXPOSE THE IDENTITY OF A CLANDESTINE CIA AGENT.” He continues, “You clearly do not understand the crucial role I play in defending your freedom.’’
political one and a criminal one. It’s the office of a candidate who is campaigning more than 3,000 miles out of place and is possibly the same distance out of his mind. Enter the blue-ribbon holder of campaigning crazy: American ex-pat and man-on-the-run, Jack Shepard. This is a man who since 2002 has campaigned four times to become a U.S. Congressman for Minnesota. This is a man who looked his congressional failures straight in the eye and, undeterred, decided to run for U.S. president in 2008. This is a man who has done his campaigning from Rome out of necessity, not for the scenery. Jack Shepard is simply fighting for the government, while escaping the law.
THE MAN FROM MINNESOTA Jack Shepard is not the main character from “Lost.” He’s about 30 years, 80 pounds and a receded hairline less attractive. Hailing from the greater Minneapolis area, this Jack is less known than his fictional counterpart but with a story that is nearly as tangled. His version of facts is spotty at parts, shaky through most and quite possibly a delusion. Overall, he would not have been the one to lead the island, which is a red flag that he’s probably not fit to lead our country. Starting in 2002 from Italy, Shepard began to run for Congress and failed repeatedly before
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earlier. Initially, Shepard denied having any connection. Yet, when the newspaper matched his picture, birthday and address with those listed on his campaign website, the international man of mystery was unmasked.
JACK AND JAIL In the late 70s and through the 80s, Dr. Jack E. Shepard was indicted for multiple crimes. Granted, the 80s were a weird time for everyone, we get that. The cocaine, neon jumpsuits and WHAM! music were enough to drive anybody crazy. But that defense won’t hold in court. In his inaugural arrest, Shepard was charged with criminal sexual conduct and drug possession. In 1979, he pled guilty in Hennepin County, Minnesota to the allegation he sexually assaulted a woman in her home with the front door nailed shut. Spiraling into a life of crime, Shepard was accused of threatening to kill an attorney. The two had been arguing over money when Shepard showed up at the attorney’s office with a handgun. Because of his strange conduct in his life outside the dental office, Shepard’s well-being began to be questioned. In 1982, the Minnesota Dentistry Board started looking into Shepard and his fitness to hold a dental license. During their investigation, it was reported by someone close to
of the People for Peace Group.” There is no substantial proof that the group is anything more than a feeble façade to promote Shepard as a peace-seeker and glorified humanitarian. A poorly assembled rouse, Shepard is using misleading publicity to strengthen his campaigns and weaken the idea that he is a criminal. The undeniable truth is that Shepard is a wanted felon. The only way that he would not be arrested immediately upon return to the United States is if he gets pardoned. The first way to accomplish a pardon is to simply ask for one. In 2006 after a couple election failures, Shepard began to repeatedly ask the Minnesota Board of Pardons to grant him relief from his incomplete felony charges so that he could “return to the country and campaign.” He has never been approved. Governors and presidents are the other officials with pardon power. However, in the event that your governor or president refuses to grant the reprieve, there is always the option of running for their office and pardoning yourself. For obvious reasons, this option is the road less traveled. But for Shepard, becoming president was seemingly a feasible idea. So with the ambitious zeal of a man without options, Shepard began campaigning. It’s difficult to follow the logic of Shepard all the way from inception to half-baked thought. It’s a mystery why his first few campaigns were
for Congress, in which he would never have been allowed to serve. It’s possible that he was campaigning to increase his name recognition and connections before the 2008 presidential election. However, judging by his crimes, he doesn’t really seem one for planning ahead. Judging by his actions, Jack Shepard is an enigma.
LEADING THE HERD In the pursuit of political office, Shepard has tapped into basically every form of social media. Twitter, Myspace, Facebook—you name it, Shepard’s got it. On Twitter he follows over 1800 people… that must have taken awhile. On Myspace his only friend is Tom, but he follows 18 people, including Justin Bieber, Liza Minnelli and Justin Timberlake. You can follow people on Myspace now? Weird. His Facebook presence is shockingly dismal. But really, who can keep up with that site these days? Shepard has published numerous articles on “Free Press Release,” an unregulated site dedicated to self-promotion. HIs articles have much more character than content, but grant some unique insight into the unstable mind that belongs to Jack Shepard. In a 2008 post on the site, Shepard knocked the reputation of primary Senate competitor Norm Coleman. Essentially calling him a Vietnam era “long haired hippy” who “dieted to fool his draft board that he was too skinny to fight,” Shepard claimed patriotic superiority…oops, rewind. Shepard, did you forget, you’re not allowed in the land of the free? Your passport didn’t. That same year, Jack switched from identifying as a life-long democrat to identifying as a “born-again republican.” Even with this change, Shepard’s liberal stance stayed firm with issues like gay marriage and abortion. Let’s not forget, in places like his home state Minnesota, claiming Jesus can help buy Republican votes no matter the candidate or position. Jesus, blogging and name calling all make a comeback in Shepard’s 2010 campaign against lawyer and U.S. House of Representatives candidate Teresa Collett. He first addresses Collett, as a “ho” and proceeds to compare himself to Jesus…talk about putting the petty in politics.
30 YEARS IN EXILE It’s clear that Shepard is unconventional. That also might be the biggest understatement this year. In hiding for almost 30 years, Shepard has escaped the consequences of his crime. Yet, for him, “hiding” consists of figuratively (and possibly literally) raising the middle finger to the whole legal system by aggressively campaigning in the most blatant and ridiculous manner. Now 64 years old, Shepard is evolving with his age. His most recent campaign is proof he is embracing pop culture. With the introduction of his musical “hit” single “Sweet Dreams are Made of This Leader”, he entered the 2010 campaign for Minnesota’s 4th Congressional District with a vengeance.
PHOTO-OP READY Dr. Jack Shepard promotes his humanitarian efforts through the
As we can remember from the attorney death threat incident, in his campaign agains Collett he didn’t want to simply defeat her, but to “eliminate her.” While not typical campaign jargon, we’ll overlook it and award bonus points for enthusiasm. Blasting Collett he said, “Jesus said of lawyers, ‘How can ye escape the damnation of hell?’ (Matthew). To complete the sourcing for him, it was Matthew 23:33. At the time this magazine went to press, the article has received a whopping 32 views. Shepard calls himself the “Missionary Man,” which presumably makes him feel justified in broad misinterpretations of the Bible. Jack’s circumstances may set him apart from other politicians, but he’s definitely got the slander thing down. Living in Rome has apparently influenced Shepard to ignore the religious “wall of separation.” Legally, the man should be stopped. It is mindboggling that Jack Shepard has not yet been extradited back to the United States for the simple failure to appear in court, or his parole violations. Perhaps the fact he remains unbothered should lead us to re-visit the “secret agent” theory. How else would he have received immunity for all this time? During Shepard’s 2004 congressional campaign against U.S. Rep Betty McCollum, Italy denied Hennepin County Attorney Amy Klobuchar’s request for extradition of Shepard. It’s that refusal that Shepard clings to as defense of his innocence. Shortly after the motion was pigeonholed, Shepard posted, “After consultations with the highest levels of the American government, the Italian government agreed with the American government not to interfere with Dr. Shepard’s counter-terrorism activities and refuses Amy
People for Peace Group.
Klobuchar’s request to arrest or extradite him.” It is not clear why the extradition request was denied by Italy or why the U.S. government hasn’t pushed harder for criminal justice. In the past, political opponents have been rightfully confused by Shepard’s Roman challenge. In 2006, Klobuchar referred to Shepard in the Pioneer Press saying, “[Criminals] get charged, they do the time.” Shepard responded, “that belongs in Russia” and “in America a person is considered innocent until proven so by a judge and jury during a fair trial.” Though, it’s difficult to try a man across a globe. Dr. Jack E Shepard is currently working as a dentist at the American Dental Studios in Rome, despite his American dental license being suspended. According to the dentistry’s website, their patients are “English speaking employees of the United Nations office.” The practice has recently opened several new offices around Rome and Jack is no doubt living comfortably. Shepard’s got money and he has himself convinced that he has power. Yet, the link that’s missing is more significant than the ones he possesses. He has no freedom. We can watch him try and try again, but this burden will probably never be lifted. Jack Shepard’s life and career is a story almost never told, which so far has allowed it to continue. His is a life protected by an obscure cloud of immunity, which has left the truth open to speculation. Maybe one day he will win an election. At this time, he has not at this time officially entered the 2012 presidential race, but for Jack, history tends to repeat itself. Whether or not he succeeds in becoming the government official that he aspires to be, one thing is for sure—this dentist is already above the law.
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Fair Ladies, Free Spirits Nicole Hensel and Hannah Stevens fall back in time with the classic 60s icons that redefined style. Photographed by Kelly Bolick
Hair and Makeup provided by Yvette Cannas and Rexana Neyland for Bacio Salon 52 || TITLE
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SO YOU WANT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT?
a simple
GUIDE
• Long, successful political career • There hasn’t been a President from your race, religion, gender, sexual orientation or species yet and it’s about damn time. • Divine choice • Owning a multi-billion dollar financial group • Representing the everyman
First, identify your qualifications for running for office:
to
RULING the
• Educated Americans • Uneducated VH1 viewers • People from your race, religion, gender, sexual orientation or species • God-fearing folk and Texas • Goldman-Sachs and everybody contractually obligated to vote for their choice
FREE WORLD Build your platform on:
• Religious values • Family values • Fiscal responsibility • Global relations • Corrupt back door deals
• Liberals • Sinners • The Little Man
And your detractors?
With one of these warmhearted thoughts • Our children • A brighter tomorrow • Rebuilding America • World peace • Equality
And make a solemn promise to: • End dependence on foreign oil • Create jobs • Save Medicare • Pull out of the Middle East • Not touch Social Security • Defend our borders
To sway voters, it’s important to subtly cut down your opponent by calling him one of these words: 62 || TITLE
Then take a firm stance on: • The debt ceiling • Gun rights • Promoting business • War
• Hope for • Change for • Vote for • Dream of • Imagine
And one of these:
• Fascist • Socialist • Tree-hugging • War-mongering • Bigoted • Sexist • Ignorant • Flatulent • Lying
Now, determine who your supporters will be:
And have absolutely absurd views when it comes to:
• Taxes • Gay marriage • Moose hunting • Roe v. Wade
Add a surprising position on:
Now, to create your campaign slogan, combine one of these inspirational phrases:
• Swine • Hippie • Bully • Nazi • Jack-ass • Cheat • Idealist • Bastard • Extremist • Zealot
• Evolution • Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View • Judaism • Mormonism • Terrorism
Balance yourself by expertise in:
• Constitutional law • Global finance • Healthcare • Life experiences
Finally, look toward your future and pick the scandal that will one day cause your impeachment: • Repeated infidelity with multiple men, women, transvestites or livestock • Tax evasion • Fraud • Misguided CIA information about possible WMDs • Ponzie scheming • Addiction to Afghan heroin
AND YOU’RE SET! HAPPY RUNNING, AND TRY NOT TO TOTALLY SCREW UP OUR COUNTRY (MORE)!
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