Frozen Treat Feud

12 | OPINIONS

SPREAD DESIGN BY LUCY LOCHMOELLER | OVIYA SRIHARI & MIMI ZHOU

FROZEN TREAT FURY

It’s time to settle this icy issue and decide between ice cream or frozen yogurt

PRO FROZEN YOGURT

LUCY LOCHMOELLER

associate editor

• eats FroYo more than she admits • spends $45 a month on frozen yogurt • puts more toppings than yogurt

illustration by | NICOLE GORRELL PRO ICE CREAM

ALLEN YOU

opinions staff

• loiters in the ice cream aisle • uses a particular spoon for ice cream • is, in fact, lactose intolerant

It’s time for society to grow up and admit that frozen yogurt is better than ice cream. I’m not going to sit here and try to convince you that ice cream is bad, because it’s obviously not. Ice cream simply doesn’t have the guts to do what frozen yogurt can. Ice cream and frozen yogurt may have the components, but the ability to create and perfect it to your exact liking is what puts frozen yogurt on top.

This is a serious discussion, so you may be wondering, “Lucy, how are you quali ed to make such a controversial statement?” Well, I have dedicated my life — and wallet — to gathering research at local ice cream and frozen yogurt shops. I’ve tried all the avors, all the mix-ins. I can con dently say I’m well versed with frozen desserts. I have found frozen yogurt more enjoyable than ice cream because you personalize it. You get to play with the frozen yogurt to topping ratio, mix di erent avors and endless toppings. You can even make it healthy by choosing lighter avors and fruit instead of candy. Plus, the price is set by weight so you can get more toppings for less money. Usually, more than one topping for ice cream costs extra.

Follow closely, and let me break it down for you. What is better: plain ice cream or avored ice cream? Flavored. What is better: ice cream with or without toppings? With toppings, of course. Ice cream and frozen yogurt have both. Now, what is better: putting the fate of your ice cream enjoyability in the hands of some miserable ice cream parlor employee or skillfully and passionately cra ing your own creation? I don’t even need to answer that last one.

If you think that frozen yogurt is bad, then you must dislike happiness in general. There is no excuse for not liking it; frozen yogurt is the alpha version of ice cream. Some might say ice cream on crack. Keeping in mind that you create your own frozen yogurt, I’ll leave you with a nal thought: you are the creator of your own destiny. Therefore, if you think frozen yogurt is bad, then you are creating your own destiny wrong. With these hot summer days scorched by triple-digit temperatures and intense humidity, a refreshing, frozen treat is crucial. But which one? A er some consideration, it’s clear everyone under the sun should pick a scoop of ice cream over frozen yogurt.

Just on eating experience alone, ice cream easily tops frozen yogurt. For starters, frozen yogurt needs extra toppings to overcome its lack of sweetness and bland a ertaste, while ice cream functions on its own with its signature rich sweetness. Even with toppings on frozen yogurt, the strange texture and tartness still remain, which worsen the overall eating experience. Ice cream, on the other hand, acquires a u y and creamy texture from its higher milk fat content that makes it enjoyable all the way through. And one shouldn’t bother being guilt-tripped into eating frozen yogurt because it’s “healthier.” Sure, ounce for ounce frozen yogurt is lighter in calories and fat. But as mentioned before, to overcome the lack of sweetness, toppings are necessary, which add a lot of calories into the mix. Many frozen yogurt avors also introduce a ton of sugar to achieve a desired taste. As a result, a plethora of frozen yogurts have more sugar than many ice creams.

Let’s also get another thing out of the way. Yes, you may know that I’m lactose intolerant. Every time I eat frozen yogurt or ice cream, I’m prepared to endure the trip to the bathroom I set myself up for. So let’s be crystal clear, the sheer emptiness I feel a er each spoonful of frozen yogurt does not warrant any of the pain my body su ers through. But every lick and taste of ice cream makes each minute on the toilet worthwhile. Through my lived experience with both dairy products in my digestive system, I can con dently say that ice cream is the superior frozen treat.

Looking at it plainly, sacri cing taste for some mythical “health bene t” is never worth it when there’s some creamy, rich ice cream around the corner waiting to be enjoyed.