Relit and Wanderlust

By Kelly Kabotoff

There is always that thing that changes it all. A death. A birth. A divorce. A marriage. A diagnosis. That thing that makes you rethink everything. That makes every choice you make from that moment on different. More important even. Motivation changes. Perspective shifts. Because you know that in the blink of an eye it can all change.

Cancer was my thing. It was that straw that broke the camel’s back. That made every single thing different from that moment on. Forever. For some people, a transformative moment like this shakes them to their core and makes them want to play it safe. For me, the desire was the opposite. My core, while shaken, was telling me — is telling me — to live life to its fullest. To take chances. Risks, even. To embrace the new, the uncomfortable. Because that’s where the magic happens. But in the wake of change, once you catch your breath and readjust, you have to actually figure out what this new world is going to look like. I have woken up so many days over the last few months and wondered if today is going to be the day that I figure out the rest of my life.

I know I can’t figure out everything right away. I’m still recovering, physically and emotionally, from the trauma of stage 4 cancer. Months of chemo and multiple major surgeries forced me to put my life on hold for months. To pause everything. To dim. And now I’m navigating how to live again. How to relight my soul. What is this new life going to look like? Where will it take me?

When I picture my perfect life, travel has consistently been at the top of the list. I have always said that I want to see the world. But now I’m realizing that it’s actually not seeing the world at all that is important to me. It’s the people. That is what makes me tick. It’s the people you meet while traveling. The stories you hear. Shared moments with strangers. On a recent trip to Key West, Florida, I was able to experience just that. All while enjoying all that the island had to offer, from brunch to sunset, shopping to happy hour, sightseeing to lazy afternoons by the pool.

Brunch brought us the twin sisters from New Jersey whose laughs were as strong as their opinions and who shared their story of love and loss in the wake of one becoming widowed. A shared experience that both she and Dan, my boyfriend, were too young to have to endure.

While the sunset was beautiful, it was the two guys from Chicago who made the experience memorable. Guys who were so different from me. Politically, financially, spiritually. I kind of didn’t want to like them. But over a bucket of beers, they ended up showing kindness and love that I never expected. They heard my story, and they shared theirs. We had respectful conversations about things we didn’t agree about, and we actually bonded over those differences.

Shopping around town one afternoon brought me Grey, the jewelry designer who had taken a chance on himself and opened his own shop. He was creating beautiful art and was sharing it with the world. His zest for life and entrepreneurship lit me up, and the earrings I now wear daily remind me of his kind smile.

Sightseeing led us to the Key West Butterfly and Nature Conservatory. I knew Dan would love it and I thought my irrational fear of “things that fly” wouldn’t be a problem (I’ve been fighting cancer, after all, so I can surely handle butterflies!). Well, I couldn’t. I ran out in a full-on panic attack. But the hug from the young girl at the ticket counter, who smiled and told me, in the most sincere way, that she was proud of my bravery made it a fond memory even amid my tears.

So while I’m still deciding where this new lease on life is going to take me, I do know for sure that it will take me on some amazing adventures. My wanderlust is strong, but my desire to find my light is even stronger, and I am so excited to see who I meet along the way.

THE LIST SO FAR:

• Minnesota to Colorado with my 4 kids — road trip!

• Solo weekend trip — embrace the uncomfortable!

• Meditation and/or yoga retreat — Ommm!

• Girls’ weekend with my teen daughter — just the two of us!

• Hold a bird — even if it scares me!

• Learn to cook something fancy — I’m 43 ... it’s probably time!

• Washington, D.C., to advocate for colon cancer awareness!

I’d love to bring you with me on that adventure. So where should I travel next? What would you add to your bucket list? Or to mine? Email me at kelly@thedimmerswitchblog.com.

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