OUR BIG DAY Lee & Loan

So tell us how you met, were you single for a long time before you started dating?

Back in 2015, I (Lee) joined The Emerald Warriors Rugby Club in Dublin (an inclusive Rugby Club), each year they played a 50:50 tag rugby/football match with The Dublin Devils Football Team (an inclusive Football Team in Dublin). It just so happened that a TV crew were there to film the match, and upon their win, The Dublin Devils needed to find a spokesperson to go on camera and make a speech about their achievement! Loan, a proud member of the team, was voluntary to get on up there, accept the trophy and make a speech to the camera. The TV crew were there from TnaG – a purely Irish speaking channel, for audiences fluent in Irish and Ioan, one of the only British members of the team then went on to reluctantly make the victory speech. I heard the Northern Ireland accent and along with oan’s devilishly good looks I was instantly besotted with him.

It wasn’t until a few months later, when Ioan decided to get back into Rugby training again and re-join The Emerald Warriors, our paths crossed again. I saw Ioan arrive looking wonderfully dapper and as handsome as ever. We didn’t really get past the matchrelated pleasantries during training in those first few months. It wasn’t until Ioan tackled me to the ground (in what was supposed to be a tag Rugby match!!) that we kinda, sorta finally had a conversation.... Albeit just profuse apologies and embarrassed excuses from Ioan, as I bruised and also embarrassed, tried to pull myself up, wondering how many broken ribs I now had!

Ioan travels to Carrickfergus each year to spend Christmas with his Northern Irish family. When he was returning to Dublin he posted a photo of the bus station. I managed to get some courage and liked the post. We began to talk through messenger and both realised that we would both be out in The George (Dublin gay bar) for New Year’s celebrations with friends, we agreed to meet up. As the New Years Countdown struck midnight, we shared our first kiss. And as they say all is history!

Both of us were single for about 2 years before we met with myself only coming out 3 years previous to meeting Ioan with Ioan being out a couple of years previously.

How long after you started dating did it take to pop the question, was it an immediate yes? And who asked who?

It is certainly something we laugh about all the time! It should have been very romantic but like all things, our relationship, it didn’t go to plan. We got engaged on the 01st Feb 2019 in Central Park in New York. I had brought Ioan to NYC for his 30th birthday, not knowing it would be the holiday we will remember for the rest of our lives. I had been previously so I tried to play tour guide to Ioan. That morning I suggested we go to the National History Museum and we could walk through Central Park, killing two birds with one stone!

The night we landed in NYC a winter blizzard had just passed, it was the coldest weather we both have ever experienced. As we walked through the park there was a cute little bridge over a frozen pond looking to the skyline of the famous Plaza Hotel. It was nice and quiet and Ioan had asked me to pose looking into the distant skyline. I hate posing for photos let alone one of the typically posed ones. As it was his birthday holiday I obliged. It was so cold and Ioan was taking ages, I kept turning around telling him to hurry. Not knowing he was trying to take the ring out of his pocket. I felt something brush my leg and I jumped around to find Ioan down on one knee. My first words “What the hell are you doing down there, will you take the bloody photo, I am freezing”, not realising Ioan was presenting an engagement ring. Ioan, a little taken back by my response, began to stutter saying “Em, will you marry me”, to which I began to ask several times “Are you sure, really are you sure”. Crowds began to gather and we do not show PDA so Ioan politely said “Are you going to F***ing marry me or what?”. To which I obviously said “Of course I will”. We then put on the ring and immediately rang off the bridge and continued on our day trip as both of us were then mortified and didn’t really know what to do with lots of people around.

Tell us about your big day, location, amount of guests etc. Was it planned pre Covid, had you to alter many things?

We got engaged in Feb 2019. This was obviously before the start of Covid but Covid came very quickly. We had initially started to look at venues online, talk about what we would ideally like and then Covid did hit. We were never really in a rush to get married so it didn’t affect us and we were lucky we didn’t have any booked either. Many of our friends had to cut their lists when guest numbers were restricted for their big day. During Covid, Ioan was working from home most days but still had to travel to the office and I was in work in the lab most days so apart from the social aspect of life, it didn’t really change for us. As Ioan’s maternal family live in Northern Ireland and his paternal family living in Northern Wales planning a wedding during the hard times of not seeing family didn’t seem right. We also started the typical spreadsheets and saw the work that goes into a wedding and kept deciding that is a next month problem. So all in all Covid didn’t really impact our wedding plans. Each year Ioan goes to Northern Ireland to have Christmas Eve and Day with his family and I follow up St. Stephen’s Day/Boxing day to continue the festivities. We decided that as we were up there we would pass the time and just look at some venues. At this point we had no idea what year we were going to get married but decided we should start making some form of a start. I had never heard of the Culloden

Estate and Spa being from the South, but Ioan had always dreamed of being able to stay there let alone get married there. I booked a viewing with their events manager Ainsleigh Baxter during our stay up North. We bought Ioan’s gran-mother Ann to view it too and Ann was certainly ensuring we booked there, she fell in love with the place. Not to mention how stunning it is. We took a couple of days after meeting Ainsleigh and rang to book our wedding for September 2023. We never looked at another venue. We end up having ~150 guests at the wedding, although you would love to bring so much more, you have to put a number to it. That was a hard thing to do as some people you can only invite them to the afters. It was incredible for us seeing all our family, friends, work colleagues in the one room. A very wise friend told me when I was a little skeptical about whether this day would be the best day of your life, she said “At dinner, look around at all the people who have made an effort to be there for you both, that will make it the best”. She was so right. It was the best day of both our lives.

What about the food and drink?

As mentioned, myself and Ioan have a few similarities but more differences. We went to our meal tasting where we tried 2 starters, 2 soups, 2 mains and 2 desserts. We both loved the opposite of one another and then had to make sacrifices for each of us to get our own way. We ended up going for the Fish Cake for starters even though Ioan wanted the Goats Cheese. A spicy red pepper soup for the soup course again, beef and white fish for main with a strawberry pavlova for dessert. Everyone to this day said how much they enjoyed the meal so we were so happy as there were so many people to try and please. We also had night food of sliders, chips and fish goujons. But we used a Cheesemonger from Holywood and had an actual cheese wedding cake which went down a treat. Mini cheese boards for the night time snacks too.

Were there any hiccups or did all go to plan?

Loan is a huge planner and always has at least 10 spreadsheets going at once for something or another. So Marrying him was actually always going to run smoothly, but he was marrying me so....... The only thing I booked was the photographer and the weekend before the wedding, 5 days before we found out that they had over booked, were known for canceling the night before, so we went into panic mode and there was a few subtle “I am not going to say, I told you so”. We ended up finding the Amazing Epic Journal Photography and Film when he was reassuring us he had availability for us if we needed him. We ended up having a video call that day and got such a good vibe from him we booked him. Everyone loved him that day.

Have you or are you going on a honeymoon ?

After the holiday we booked a week All Inclusive to Rhodes Town, Greece. We called this our Minimoon as we wanted to do an all out trip to South Africa for a Safari but with wedding planning we didn’t have too much time to do our proper research. As this trip will probably be a once in a lifetime trip we really wanted to make sure it is done properly. Now the wedding is over and we are back to reality we have begun to look into it a lot more.

In your day to day lives are you into the same things? What interests do you have that are different?

This is funny, so both myself and Loan both are big family men. Our family is the most important thing to us both. We love nothing more than hanging out with family, cousins, nieces and nephews and going to family parties. We also know how special we are with the friends we have made individually but also together. We have accumulated an incredible network of friends over the years and they mean the world to us. We love a good city break where we walk for hours a day and try our best to see everything in the tour guide books in a weekend, hikes with our two dogs, out for meals, out to watch the rugby. On the other hand, Ioan loves his Xbox, something I think more than me, I haven’t played a game console in 20 years. I like my cheesy shows and my kindle. Loan hates my shows but somehow 3-4 episodes in he is sitting beside me commenting on it and has made himself cozy on the sofa. We always laugh about the fact that Loan likes horrors, I hate them. Simple things such as Loan like chicken breasts, I only like legs.

I love olives, Loan hates olives. I’m obsessed with spice, Loan cant even have pepper on his dinner. There are so many more things we differ on but they say opposites attract. Do you do everything together or do you like to keep independent?

We would do a lot together but understand the importance of our own time. We do have our own friends and mutual friends but regardless my friends are Loan’s and vice versa. There are holidays we go on with our own friends and then trips we go away together with friends. Ioan enjoys a Thursday night out after work with friends and although they are our mutual friends, I choose not to as I am old and can’t handle school night drinking but we don’t need to live in one another’s pockets. Not only that, we understand when the other has had a rough day and know when to give the other one either a cuddle and some quality time, or let the other one just play their Xbox and the other read their kindle or watch the tv. It’s a healthy balance but all about communication as to how the other is.

Have you a family, is this something on the plan for you?

Myself and Loan are really close to our nieces and nephews, saying that when we had only been with each other for a short time it was completely noticeable to both that in our futures we would love nothing more than to start a family and have children of our own. Unfortunately, with the extremely grey laws both in the South of Ireland and the UK for non-traditional families it is extremely difficult to do so as the laws are clearly not defined. The cost to go abroad for surrogacy is extreme. Although we speak about it all the time and spend so much time researching we are unsure of what the outcome will be. At present though we have our two beautiful dogs Macy (Lurcher/Staffy X and Angel (Teacup Pomeranian).

Tell us who made your day possible in terms of rings, flowers, photographer, cars etc

Our parents financially really helped us out, my Mam, Dad, Ioan’s Granny and his Dad also. Loan had his best friend Leon and brother William as best men, his cousin Scott and Uncle Jonathan as Best men. I had my best friend Julia as my Chief Groomsmaid and my sister Tara and brother Craig as groomsmaid and my groomsman. Ioan’s sister Heather and my brother’s wife Julie were our witnesses on the day. Joanthan’s wife/Ioan’s aunty Tina and Julia’s Fiance were our Ushers. Loan’s aunt Julie was our organiser, dragging everyone for photos and ensuring people were doing as they should. My life long friend Grainne was my ring bearer with Ioan’s brother William as his and again my lifelong friend Lindsay did our handfasting. She actually thought that with her doing that she was technically marrying us so telling everyone. Overall everyone who attended made our day possible. We never would have had the amazing memories we now have and will have for the rest of our lives if it wasn’t for everyone making an effort to join us on the day. McGarrys Wedding Design completed all the flower arrangements, buttonholes, and Groomsmaid bouquets. Epic journal Photography and Film were our photographers. Devine Moments were our videographers. The Artisan Cheesemonger from Holywood was our cake maker. Ulster limousines provided the Groom’s limousines and an executive car for his Welsh Grandmother. Translink provided a double decker bus to transport our guests from Carrickfergus to the Culloden Estate and Spa. Claire Shearer was our humanist Celebrant and was the most amazing persona and celebrant. Ainsleigh Baxter was our Event planner in the Culloden Estate and Spa and she was nothing more than amazing, she could not have done any more for us. She even came in on her day off to come check up on me as I stayed in the hotel the night before and also walked me to the room before I walked down the aisle.

Has anything changed since you said “I Do”?

We can anticipate each other a lot more. I also love saying “my husband” every chance I get. I immediately changed my name to our married name on everything (bank, work etc.). I was told by most that nothing should change after marriage and it is a good sign if it doesn’t so I think we are doing good!

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