WHAT DO WE MEAN BY CONFIDENCE?

Hi I am Janet and I am your resident Positive Change Coach bringing you techniques and insights to help you navigate the changes in your life positively. I have 15 years experience and now work globally from Costa Rica to New Zealand and everywhere in-between.

“Everything seems possible no matter how big or appears unlikely!” - Julie, Preston

“I feel much more confident to face any situation which is what I set out to do.” - George, Preston

“I am very confident now.” - Tahera, Manchester

Just a few of the hundreds of comments I have received over the years from my clients. WHAT DO WE MEAN BY CONFIDENCE? Dictionary definition: self-belief, faith, self-reliance, selfassured, courage. My clients come to me when they are unhappy with their lives, with no faith in themselves, lack self-belief, rely on others for their happiness or to make decisions for them, and lack the courage to make the changes or to do what they want. It is so wonderful when I hear from my clients that they are now living their best life. Initially I work with them to establish the root cause of their low confidence, which they may or may not know, its my job to be the detective and find it. The causes can be specific events, such as a car accident and they become frightened of driving. They can be ongoing situations such as bullying and abuse. They can be beliefs learned from their upbringing. As Henry Ford said – “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t – you are right.” To quote my Headmistress “There is no such word as can’t.” Yet, how many times have you said “I can’t”?

• What will other people think • I could be wrong • I will be hurt – physically or emotionally • I will be alone • I will fail • I will look stupid/ make a fool of myself • I could die • I could lose my friends/family • Things could get worse • I could lose – job, money, relationship etc

What if:

• People think I am brave, powerful, inspirational • I am right • I will heal physically/emotionally • I am happy with my own company • I will succeed • I will be amazing and impressive • I live longer and with greater joy • I will gain friends who are genuine • Things will get so much better • I will get a better job financially and that I love

You have a choice as to which thought you have – negative or positive. However, being told to think positive is not going to make any difference, because those emotions/beliefs often run deep. The first step is to notice those negative emotions/beliefs either spoken or in your thoughts. If you beat yourself up instead choose to be kind to yourself. So 25 years ago when I first started self-development work, having always been told I was clumsy and I therefore berated myself for being clumsy. I stopped myself and instead said I am just tired.

10 years later when I studied Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) I became aware that my Representational System was Visual and one of the traits was moving at speed both physically and mentally, so jumping from one task to the next, so that crash in the middle was a result of this speed. Whilst this is not something I can change I can understand it and put strategies in place to help myself and when I get irritated by it, I recognise all the benefits. Notice I said irritated by “it” not “me”. No more beating myself up.

Once we have established what the fears are and where they come from then we explore the emotions – sadness, anger, horror, anxiety, frustration, trepidation, overwhelmed, despondent, and so on, I am sure you can add others. If you think of each one of these emotions as a tree in a forest, we scale each one and then work on the highest one first with my proven system, we get to the point where it is completely gone and then move to the next one, which will have reduced in intensity due to the removal of the first one, and we continue until the forest has gone.

These changes are permanent, creating the freedom to live your life with confidence.

A good example of how something has its roots in our past, is a client I was working with in a recent demonstration. She hated the small of boiled eggs, made her feel sickly, however her daughter liked a boiled egg for breakfast, so she struggled every morning.

We established that the first time she felt this was as a child when the family went on holiday, her Mother always had hard boiled eggs in the lunch box on the journey. The connection she made next was that she hated these journeys because her parents always argued. She said her Mother always started these arguments. I was peeling the layers away, she then realised that the reason her Mother started the argument was because her Father was driving too fast. We broke down the connection of the eggs to these car journeys. Since then she no longer smells the eggs – good or bad, there is no smell at all. Equally she no longer blames her Mother for starting the arguments and is more at peace with her Mother, until now she has not had a good relationship to her Mother.

Another client had an uneasy relationship with her Mother always believing she felt she didn’t matter, that she was ignored. What came up was a memory of being a baby in her cot, she could remember the bars, and crying out and being ignored so felt abandoned. As we reduced the emotion logic told her that she had probably soiled herself, and because Mum didn’t come instantly, as a baby this felt a very long time, and therefore she felt she didn’t matter. In reality it was As we reduce the negative emotions then the common-sense kicks in. My client reported that her husband reflected that she now talks about and to her Mother more often. By the end of our sessions he told her that her face had completely changed, being so much more relaxed.

During our sessions she had been offered promotion and had lacked the self-belief that she could do the job. We worked on her negative emotions and she was able to take the job.

When we lack confidence we fail to take the job (or even apply in the first place), we avoid situations that could enhance our lives. A common one is fear of public speaking. The source of this fear will be different but the outcome is the same. You may fear being heard, not being good enough, being laughed at, criticised and any of the fears mentioned earlier. It does not have to be making a formal speech it can be speaking up in a group and having all eyes on you.

For my clients not only do we remove the fear they go on to enjoy public speaking.

How would your life change if you were free of the anxiety that stops you from doing the things you truly desire?

• New fulfilling job/career • Personal freedom – eg. Free of an abusive relationship and enjoying your own company or gaining a new and joyful relationship • Exploring the world beyond your self-imposed limits • New experiences – Fly a plane, play the drums, join a yoga class • Improved relationships

Since starting to work online, and therefore globally, at the beginning of lockdown I have been fascinated by the different cultural attitudes. In the UK we rarely tell anyone if we have been for any kind of talking therapy, or coaching. Yet in the US they regularly talk of their therapist and what they have gained from doing so, it accepted that most people will have a therapist.

I wish we in the UK could be more like are American cousins and openly state when we need help and seek support when we are suffering emotionally and mentally. We take the view that it is weakness and not something we admit to, but if we have a physical problem we happily talk about it.

There is no need to suffer in silence, or to stay trapped by your emotions, your Future can be the one you desire. Go for it.

“Your future can be the one you desire. Go for it”

Head to my website for more information D https://thepositivechangecoach.com For a complimentary 30 min., 1-1 Personal Change Assessment contact me E janetbroughton@thepositivechangecoach.com DRU Yoga classes available live online or via YouTube Y Janet Teaches DRU Yoga

And why that’s great news

Catherine Dean is a Nutrition & Lifestyle Coach supporting women feel better, have more energy and ditch diets. Her approach to health and wellbeing isn’t about quick fixes or fad diets. It’s about helping you to create healthy habits that fit around your busy life, make a real difference and, most importantly, last in the long term.

Now, when I say no one cares about your diet, it might seem a bit harsh. It isn’t, it’s actually great news. And, what I really meant was no one cares about your diet as much as you do, but it’s not as catchy. This may be familiar...you start a new diet, whether it’s keto, paleo, Atkins, slimming world whatever. You’re certain this is THE ONE. You tell everyone. You get off to a great start. Making paleo energy bars from scratch, never going over your syns, or not eating a single carb all week. You’re impressed and so is everyone you tell. Until you fall off the wagon. And you’re mortified. Because now you’ve failed again. When you’re back in work on Monday everyone’s gonna know that your lunch isn’t paleo or that you ate double your syns on Saturday night. How are you gonna explain it? What the hell will they think, knowing that there’s one more diet you haven’t been able to stick at? Well, before I answer that, allow me to digress a little...

I’ve been vegetarian for so long I can’t imagine eating meat. A few years ago I decided veganism was the right thing for me. A lot of people questioned me. Are you crazy? Isn’t that really difficult? What do you even eat? It was a challenge not least of all because I was in France for most of that time. In my veggie days I once asked for a sandwich without meat in a French service station and was pointed in the direction of a ham & cheese baguette.

So vegan in France? Whew! But I did it. And I loved it. I became more creative and adventurous with my food, tried foods I’d never heard of before, learnt a lot about nutrition and started taking better care of myself. Then last year blood tests showed that I was vitamin D deficient. Vitamin D. Wait a minute, are you sure doctor? I’d been living around the corner from St Tropez for about 6 months. It never rained and the sky was always blue. Yes, he was sure. The doctor told me that it was likely something to do with my diet.

So something had to change, because while ethics are important, health is everything. As well as my vitamin D liquid (in small, glass vials - totally normal in France!) I started eating eggs and cheese. Everyone knew I was vegan. My family and friends had gone out of their way to buy me vegan gifts, bake me vegan cakes on my birthday and I’d published an article in The Lancashire Magazine, which you may have read, titled, “Is It Possible To Be Healthy & Vegan?” (the answer - still yes, but you have to be careful, do your research and supplements, especially B12, are your best friend).

So, what would people say? How would I tell everyone? Would they judge me? Think I was a flake? That my morals aren’t really that strong? That I don’t have any sticking power?

I decided to share my story on social media. It felt like the right thing to do because I’d already shared a lot about why I chose to be vegan and not doing so, it felt a bit dishonest. So, I shared and waited nervously for the judgement and criticism. Here’s the interesting thing - it never came. I did get a message from my beautiful friend Lisa saying that she loved what I’d shared online. She said it made me seem really approachable and open minded about nutrition. Mind blown. So much for the criticism.

Here’s what I realised - no one, and I mean absolutely no one, cares about your diet as much as you do. No one is waiting for you to fail. No one is going to criticise you or judge you as harshly as you judge yourself.

So, next time you try something new and it doesn’t work out try, instead of beating yourself up and worrying about what everyone else things, try asking yourself - What have I learnt from this?

This simple question is actually quite profound. Because when things don’t go to plan, but we learn from it? That’s a huge win. You can only do better next time. Onwards and upwards.

Plus life’s too short never to eat carbs again. And if people are waiting for you to fail? Why do you even care what they think? Instead of worrying about your diet, make it your priority to get as far away from those people as possible.

A little reminder to you - eat what’s best for you. Choose the diet that you enjoy. Choose foods that make you feel good. Eat in a way that makes you feel satisfied. Focus on foods that make you feel energised. Figure out a way of eating that fits in with your busy life. Once you’ve figured that out? That’s all that matters.

If you’re ready to get off the dieting wagon for good, feel less stressed and have more energy a Nutrition & Coach could be exactly what you’re looking for.

To find out how fully personalised nutrition coaching could help you to achieve your health and weight loss goals, head to: www.catherinedeancoaching.co.uk or email me: info@catherinedeancoaching.co.uk

MIRANDA CHRISTOPHER

We exist in one of three states, stuck, oscillating or in flow. Flow is when we feel connected to our hearts desires, taking every obvious step to create them. Not many people live their lives in flow. Most of us live in either a stuck state, when we know the obvious steps to take but somehow we just can’t take them; or in oscillation, moving towards what we desire and then back towards that stuck state.

In the stuck and oscillating states we often feel like there is more to life, but we can’t quite put our finger on what it is.

“Stuckness” can take many forms in our lives. It can present as literally being unable to do anything, however for women I’ve worked with, it’s much more common to show up as being busy, performing the same mundane routines stretching their time as much as possible. Putting themselves at the bottom of the ‘look after’ pile.

It can feel as though we are in the horse and cart tracks of life, moving yet not able to get out of the ruts that weren’t our creation.

And for those who are able to break out of the rutted track, to move towards what they want for themselves, be it a better relationship, more money or improved health, they are good at breaking out of the ruts but somehow they lack the energy to sustain the momentum required. Thus, they end up back into the rutted track of life often feeling worse than when they temporarily escaped. It’s possible to do this oscillating pattern repeatedly until it feels like something breaks inside of us and we end up stuck once again.

When I first started coaching back in the noughties, when the life coaching industry was in its infancy, we didn’t have the neuroscience knowledge available today. It became obvious to me that, for some clients, there was something going on “under the hood”, some form of internal selfsabotage, that prevented them from having what they truly desired.

I came to understand over the years that most of us are coded to fail when it comes to realising our dreams. Sometimes, we may even achieve what we desire, but keeping it can prove to be really challenging. It’s why we experience yo-yo dieting, repeated disastrous relationships and jumping from unsatisfying job to unsatisfying job.

I was a serial yo-yo dieter myself for most of my adult life. After studying with the Magnetic Mind, I started to understand why I repeated this pattern over and over in my life. When I focused on losing weight, what I didn’t realise was two things: that inadvertently I was focusing on being overweight (that which I didn’t want) and that I had a whole bunch of (hidden inner) resistance to actually being slim. I experienced what I witness today in others.

It became clear that my focus was in the wrong place; hence my focus shifted to having health and vitality. When connected to health and vitality as a true choice for my life, I was able to take the obvious next steps to creating it for myself.

My Obvious Next Step...

Our true desires are often masked by the opposite of what we feel as the thing we don’t want in our lives. To see beyond this duality we have to step out of the inner programming that keeps us stuck or oscillating.

In my Activate the Goddess Within™ work with women, I teach them how to reconnect to themselves and their true desires. In doing so, they are able to use the wisdom, that they have managed to ignore thus far for most of their lives, to bring about more balance - at the same time as having more abundance and joy.

When Judith was introduced to the Goddess work, she was in a stuck state, keeping herself powerless. This was after experiencing burnout and a dramatic change in her health and well-being, she was constantly sitting waiting for something outside her to give her the answer. Like so many people she had abdicated all responsibility to a magical force outside of herself; not recognising that the magical force she was seeking was actually herself!

Once Judith was able to reconnect with her own power, the potential of what she could create in her life became available to her. She moved forward with momentum, clearing her internal resistance as she went. She was so impressed by the Goddess and Magnetic Mind work that I do, that Judith joined me as a co-founder of Thrive & Grow. Creating a life and business that she absolutely loves.

Together, we help women to increase their self-worth in all aspects of life.

My obvious next step has to bring my Goddess and Magnetic Mind work to a much wider audience. And trust me, this has meant that I’ve had to deal with significant internal resistance of my own!

I heard the voice within my head say to me “who do you think you are doing this”, “you are too old to do this” and “you are not good enough”, all of which I can link right back to when I started to formulate my own rulebook on how life should be for me to survive at life. Right back to when I was a very small child trying to find her place in the world.

Thankfully, I am able to move beyond these limiting beliefs in a very rapid way.

I feel so blessed in life to be doing the work I do, each day connecting into my heart’s desires and taking my obvious next step; teaching others how to do the same for themselves. yourself? To awaken every day feeling connected to the results you want for your own life? Able to know what the next obvious step for yourself is?

All focused on creating a life you love. How would that be?

Feel free to connect with me and let’s identify your own obvious next step.

www.mirandachristopher.com