Coping with Covid-19

Psychotherapist Encourages Men to Embrace Covid Life Changes

In the UK apart from front line workers, the two distinct groups of society that have been impacted most developmentally and psychologically from the pandemic are children and men.

Men have been hugely affected by the removal of an absolutely developmental and psychological need for complex social contact and the pressures of upcoming economic challenges around loss of jobs. It’s a tough time to be a human at the moment and it’s a very tough time to be a human male.

Some men have really rallied during this time and have taken hold of the opportunities of home working and being with their families more, others though have not. Men have the tendency to retrench and retreat in the face of this, to regress into versions of manhood that are more toxic and psychologically fragile.

MEN’S MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS STILL RISING

We know when men are struggling through some very simple metrics: a rise in alcohol consumption and alcohol related deaths, rise in suicide rates, rise in domestic violence, rise in violence in general, rise in admission to psychiatric hospital for severe and enduring mental health conditions. All are on the rise at the moment. PSYCHOTHERAPIST NOEL MCDERMOTT www.noelmcdermott.net COMMENTS:

The essential lesson all guys need to learn right now is that there is strength is in vulnerability and loving connection to others, a simple truth that needs to be driven home hard right now. Research shows that for every 1% increase in unemployment in Europe there is a 0.8% increase in suicides and 75% of those suicides will be men.

SUGGESTIONS FOR MEN ON NAVIGATING IN THE SHORT TERM:

• Stop drinking or reduce it to infrequent use at small amounts

• Make at least one phone call every single day that is about catching up with a male friend

• Identify those of your mates (male) who live alone and are possibly struggling at the moment and contact them at least once a week to chew the fat

• If you have kids, then role model talking about feelings with them (if you’ve got boys you might just be saving their life)

• Sleep properly, exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet

• Broaden your support network, keep new people coming into it

MEN AND PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPPORT

Men have traditionally taken an ‘all your eggs in one basket’ approach to psychological support, in fact men have shied away from any hint or suggestion that the activities that provide support (spending time with your mates at work or play) is in fact psychological or supportive. They are things and activities which have been largely removed because of the pandemic. For some men anecdotally this has led to helpful breakdowns and an opening up of vulnerability and need, for other guys this has led to a retrenchment into unhelpful coping mechanisms such as denial (and therefore increased suicidality), drinking and indeed violence.

Men need to move on from being defined because of what we provide through work, achievement etc to being defined by what we are as people, by our values and connections with others. That internal capacity is the real work of life, everything flows from that capacity. Love, relationships, attachment have profound impacts on our neurological growth and in particular on the development of our frontal lobes. Our frontal lobes give us huge capacity to be successful through improved cognition, executive functioning, impulse control, rational thought, more effective memory, better regulation of strong emotion, acquisition of new skills, capacity to adapt to new life circumstances… the list goes on. All of this is available to us because as social animals we relate in loving ways and the hormones produced by that facilitate frontal lobe development.

Noel comments: ‘The answer is to embrace this moment of crisis as an opportunity to change. The key idea is spreading your bets, ask yourself who you have regular contact with, who you would talk to about anxieties, who would you arrange to go out for fun with etc? If your answers indicate that it’s a small number of people who are all pretty similar you are setting yourself up for a fall. Diversity is the keyword here, fill your life with a diverse range of opportunities to do all of the above things and you will have spread your bets successfully in the getting through life stakes successfully.”

Below: Noel McDermott

Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care, and education. He is the founder and CEO of three organisations, Psychotherapy and Consultancy Ltd, Sober Help Ltd and Mental Health Works Ltd. Noel’s company offer at-home mental health care and will source, identify and co-ordinate personalised care teams for the individual. They have recently launched a range of online therapy resources in order to help clients access help without leaving home – www.noelmcdermott.net

The life of Di

A monthly column by Di Wade, the author of ‘A Year In Verse’

Struck me recently that being registered blind wasn’t all tripe and onions.

Ihad this semi-epiphany while reading an Agatha Raisin title, in which poor old Agatha was so obsessed with the looks she was sure she no longer had, she could barely make it to the bin without a three-hour debate as to what to wear and the best make-up for the job. The discovery of a single zit or grey hair was enough to have her hyperventilating, while it tended to be that every exertion towards improving one perceived imperfection totally cancelled out another: The effort of pulling on tights to obscure her supposedly suspect ankles brought her out in a violent sweat, which caused her make-up to run, an intense scrutiny of which showed her that her roots were on prominent display.

Well I’ve never any of that kind of kerfuffle to contend with as I can see myself like I can see the fairies on the Isle of Man – and while this might therefore mean I resemble the back end of a bus, I’ve never been able to see one of them all that clearly either, so it’s hard to be any more bothered than that character of Catherine Tate’s. Over the years, I’ve come to know what in my wardrobe is best suited to what occasion, so making ready to go out anywhere is simply a question of showering and putting this on. I then sit reading, contemplating, or maybe listening to the Houghton Weavers singing about Martians landing in Wigan, while waiting for whoever I’m going with to afford themselves a full makeover. As for the past year, there’s been none of your pining for hairdressers or nail technicians ETC. I HAVE missed my hairdresser, but primarily for the sterling football and rugby chats, while with no one to tell me how dire my long grey hair looked, I’ve been blissfully ignorant.

On the other hand, you can’t beat a bit of sight-deficiency for making you look stark staring bonkers. This morning found me striding up and down outside my house, squinting myopically into the sun, with my hand outstretched. This undoubtedly looked odd, so I wasn’t at all surprised when a couple of blokes opposite quit discussing last night’s footy, to ask if I were OK – their tones clearly suggesting “Or do we need to fetch the men in white coats?” I self-consciously explained that I was looking for my dustbin, which got me the response that it was by my front door. Well it wasn’t; this was merely an old bin wherein the postman now left deliveries of books from my braille library: Except this seemed like too much info, plus tantamount to unnecessary complication, so I settled for clarifying that I was after the bin I’d left out last night, and which seemed to have gone walkabout. I added that it often did, that in the past I’d variously found it in the driveway, mid-pavement, and outside my neighbour’s gate, but that this time the bin-men seemed to have surpassed themselves and left it halfway to Glasgow. Nor was I too far out with that judging from the time it took my new friends to have any more joy: I’m sure their first report came from Carlisle at least – which made me feel somewhat vindicated. At the same time, I was acutely aware that your average person would at least have been able to see where their bin WASN’T, and shouldn’t have been reduced to vaguely wandering up and down before their house, looking for all the world as though they’d cannabis rather than camellias in their garden, and had received an early touch of midsummer madness.

To add insult to injury, there was a letter on the doormat when I returned, which, not being in braille, obliged me to put it under my CCTV - and magnify it to roughly the size of the Empire State Building. Nonetheless, it still took me several eternities to make out any of it. Five hours later however, I’d deciphered enough to realize I was being invited to make my funeral arrangements. Well that was nice. I’d not felt so chuffed or flattered in fact since my dad had offered to buy me a set of nose-hair clippers for my birthday. Maybe hours looking into a mirror weren’t such a waste after all. They certainly beat this morning’s efforts. Happy Midsummer anyway.

VAL DICKINSON Defero Consultancy

FINDING an experienced marketing and PR professional with the digital skills to keep up with today’s changing world can pose a problem.

Fortunately, Val Dickinson fits that role perfectly. She has more than 20 years’ experience working with businesses and organisations to help create the kind of excellence vital in today’s marketplace.

First-class communication and organisational skills make her an expert in marketing, sales, the broad spread of communications and media, customer service and event management.

She is also first choice for social media management, blogging and copywriting, with a wealth of satisfied clients right across the business world to prove it.

Val can de-bunk what is often perceived as the complicated world of PR seamlessly, making it accessible and relevant to individual businesses and organisations. Best of all, it works.

She founded her own business, Defero Marketing Consultancy Ltd, as a base for her comprehensive skills but also works in collaboration with other business colleagues.

A natural teacher, she delivers business workshops for women that allow individuals to understand what works best for their business to gain media coverage and to attract more clients.

Mentoring for the Business Growth Company and Enterprising You – both based in Manchester – is another skill and she is also an Enterprise Advisor with the Greater Manchester Combined Authority.

Val is comfortable with the media herself and often works on radio, interviewing representatives of various business sectors, charities and communities for the Business Link podcasts for Quest Media.

She is also rightly respected by fellow business professionals across the North-west region and is a multi award-winner.

While she has a passion for supporting SME’s and women’s groups with all aspects of their marketing and social media, Val also has an affinity with women entrepreneurs over 50 who are starting their own companies.

Her own business philosophy is simple: “At Defero, we believe you create what you envisage.

“Our aim is to ensure each and every client and prospect receives a quality experience. We’re not afraid of any obstacles that we’re faced with and we aim to find a solution to any problem.”

Val’s personal ethos is to listen to what is being said beyond the words and then to react in a flexible way to every client’s’ needs. This means she is versatile in her approach and can respond to change, embracing challenges and always looking for positive outcomes.

She is quick to change her own business practices to respond to external changes, too.

At the start of lockdown last year, she got together with experienced journalist Angela Kelly to create the Bounce Back to Business Media and Marketing Plan.

This has worked well, helping small businesses to reignite their public profile and ensure they are creating the right image across the media – in print, online, on social media and on radio – all for an affordable price.

“I love not only having happy clients but also showing people how to use all kinds of media effectively to help their business,” added Val. “That’s really satisfying.” If you would like get in touch with Val to discuss any of the above or to find out more about your marketing plans: email val@deferoconsultancy.co.uk visit www.deferoconsultancy.co.uk