The Moment I Realised That I Could be a

The Moment I Realised That I Could be a “Someone”

By Emma Holt

I felt the back of my chair being kicked and then my hair being pulled aggressively...

...I knew that today was going to be another horrendous day

Asharp, painful punch to my side and another big kick to my chair… I wanted to escape the torment of the classroom, to fling open the classroom door and to run down that long, narrow corridor and to escape… to actually take a breath of freedom, to have this heavyweight of ridicule and torment, finally taken away from me.

Yes, I was a victim of bullying. Something which has been part of not only my childhood but my adult life too. My bullying was not just name-calling, it was severe physical bullying too, the type that makes you want to circle up in a corner and cry, or maybe even take your own life.

I remember, being pushed from person to person, as a large gang of kids circled me, calling me disgusting names and spitting in my face, then a sudden push from behind and I was pushed down an embankment into a pile of broken glass bottles. The fear overpowered me as tears came rolling down my face… yes, this was actually during lunchtime on my school playing field.

WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS?

You see I grew up feeling like I was average, perhaps even worthless, as a teenager I felt like I couldn’t strive to become a someone. To be accepted.

The Secret Garden.

From the body of work titled ‘The Spirit Within’.

©Emma Holt BA(Hons) .

Time & Reflection.

From the body of work titled ‘The Spirit Within’.

©Emma Holt BA(Hons) .

I now realise I was wrong! Really wrong!

My Mum sadly passed away when I was just fifteen of breast cancer, so I spent several years being a mother to my younger siblings. I still felt inadequate, like I just wasn’t good enough. In a nutshell, I hated myself.

I not only had negative feelings about myself, but I now had to cope with the feelings of grief. I became the bottom of my list, and my siblings were the top.

I often wish I could go back to my younger self and explain to her just how incredible she is and show her everything that I would achieve. If you had told my 12-year-old self that I would one day be running two successful businesses, I would have laughed! I completely doubted my ability; I thought I would never account to anything.

How wrong was I, after a severe traumatic period in my life, I decided rather blindly to enrol at a local University on a Photography Degree Course, if I am honest, I was so scared I nearly turned around and walked away several times. Walking up to those large shiny doors of the brand new University was one of the scariest things I have ever done. I was 35 and a nervous wreck, with a hatred for all things to do with education, Just the thought of sitting in a classroom filled me with dread!

Thank god, I had my wonderful Husband Chris, who has and keeps on supporting me to be the best version of myself. Honestly, without his support, I would probably never of managed a week at University, let alone three years!

I had studied Fine Art at college and had always been really creative from being a child, this was one thing that the bullies couldn’t kick out of me, my ability to draw and create art.

Art, music and photography is in my family; my Dad is a retired Artist and Musician, I found myself looking up to him, hoping that if I could be just as amazing as him, I would succeed. I knew that I always wanted to do something creative as a career, I guess I just didn’t know what.

I had many jobs in retail, standing behind a till, customers moaning they had to queue up or complaining that I wasn’t serving fast enough. 

Ivy Cross.

From the body of work titled ‘The Spirit Within’.

©Emma Holt BA(Hons) . Image of Brand Photography Client.

(Laura Blackburn-Edwards, Irreverent Artistry).

©Emma Holt BA(Hons) .

Image From the body of work titled

‘Without You’

©Emma Holt BA(Hons)

Images of Brand Photography Client.

(Wendy Caunce, The Mindful Empowerment Coach).

©Emma Holt BA(Hons) .

Images of Brand Photography Client

(Louise Westra Health Mastery)

©Emma Holt BA(Hons)

I wasn’t happy, I longed to be a “someone” I guess again I doubted my ability. I never for one minute thought I was capable of setting up my business. It was during my first year, that my Tutor said, “Look, why don’t you do the course next year, we have accepted you. We will keep your place open for you.”

Although I knew deep in my heart, that he was right, I never wanted to give up! I am not sure why, but I had an overwhelming feeling to carry on!

My Tutor would often say, “You’re like a deer in headlights, Emma. We will support you, we are there for you.”

Those words are still edged in my mind even to this day…

I actually owe a lot to those Tutors, they saw something in me that no one ever bothered too. I received countless distinctions for my work. (I had never received a distinction in my life before!).

And in 2011, I received the Student of the Year Award. No other Student from the Arts department had ever received one before! I couldn’t believe what was happening, me a girl who once hated herself, had won an award that was for the entire University! I think that was the moment I realised that I could be a “someone” and achieve whatever I wanted to.

My Dad, often says I have a light inside, that refuses to go out! That’s the thing, I never knew I was capable of achieving anything… but I never gave up!

During my second year, I won a place to exhibit my work in South Africa. This was simply amazing! I remember having to pitch for the place in front of 4 Tutors, all sitting in a row at a table. It was the most daunting and nervewracking moment ever; my anxiety got the better of me and I couldn’t even get my words out properly. At that moment, it actually felt like I was back at school, I could have opened that classroom door and fled, I didn’t need to put myself through this, I kept hearing that inner voice cry… but I carried on, delivering my pitch, half the words missing and my sentences all jumbled up.

I really didn’t think I would get chosen. Not only did you have to explain why you should get picked and what you were going to exhibit, I had to also display some of my images via a projector; my images were larger than life as they were displayed on the wall behind me.

I remember that day when my Tutor rang me and said, “Emma you have been chosen to exhibit in South Africa”. I cried, screamed and danced around the house, like a woman possessed, I couldn’t believe that I had been chosen… ME! Emma Holt, little old ME! To this day, I still think exhibiting in South Africa, was life-changing. I am so grateful for having the opportunity.

In 2012, I graduated from University with a 1st class Degree in Photography. Walking across that stage, as my Tutor read out my name to a chorus of cheers, from my Dad and Husband, was one of the best moments in my life. It truly was something I will remember forever!

Shortly after graduating, I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and PTSD. Brought on by the years of being bullied and my Mothers passing. I always remember, my Counsellor saying “I have never known anyone go to University and graduate with a 1st class degree and have PTSD.”

I have now realised that I have an inner strength, not sure where that comes from, but I do think it’s helped me, especially at times when I have hit rock bottom

Once I had sought the help I needed, I set up a Wedding Photography Business with my friend, but I dreamed of teaching Photography. I didn’t want to teach in a College or University setting though, I wanted to teach my way. I was also lucky enough to create Exhibitions across the North West & London. I love exhibiting my work and inspiring others.

I decided to set up my own Photography School, the Emotive Capture Photography School. With the emphasis on not only getting individuals off automatic camera settings but to connect with nature and the countryside. I knew that getting creative really helped me with my mental health, so this was really an important aspect and one of my core values.

During the Covid-19 lockdown, I ran a twelve-week Photography Course

Image of Brand Photography Client

(Dawn Baxter, Beyond the Dawn)

©Emma Holt BA(Hons)

for a Wonderful Charity, ‘Veterans in Communities’ I helped their members who were lonely, isolated or suffering with a mental illness, through being creative with Photography and connecting with their surroundings. It was a funded Project by Lancashire County Council. I even managed three in-person Workshops too, once the restrictions had eased.

My Photography School has gone from strength to strength, and last year, I won Best Photography Tuition in the North West. This is something I am super proud of!

I love teaching and teach children and adults through to advanced level and everything in between. It’s an amazing feeling not only getting individuals off Automatic settings and to learn more about Photography but to get them to really connect with nature and the countryside around them. I teach on 1:1 Tuition on location as well as running Photography Workshops across the North West, Cumbria, Wales and Yorkshire. I am hoping to also run Photography Workshops further down South too.

But when I am not holding Photography Workshops, I work alongside female Entrepreneurs as a Brand Photography Expert. I am particularly known for my ability to help camera-shy women, as I feel my upbeat personality really makes them feel at ease.

I love helping my Brand Photography Clients become visible and really step into their zone of genius. I believe we all have a story to share, one that will resonate with your ideal client and audience.

For me though, the days of static, boring corporate images are so dated. Brand imagery now has a modern natural feel.

It’s important for me that every Brand Photography Client, has a unique bank of imagery, that’s as individual as their business and themselves, we are all unique so your Brand Images should reflect this too. 

Images of Brand Photography Client

(Wendy Caunce, The Mindful Empowerment Coach)

©Emma Holt BA(Hons)

MY BRAND PHOTOGRAPHY; Emma Holt Brand Photography BA(Hons) D www.ehbrandphotography.co.uk F emmaholtbrandphotography I @emmaholtphotography N 07858 024479

MY PHOTOGRAPHY SCHOOL; Emotive Capture Photography School D www.emotivecapture.co.uk F emotivecapturephotographyschool I @ecphotographyschool N 07858 024479