Empath: a Gift or a Curse?

By Megha Seth

Have you ever been called highly sensitive or too emotional? Can you feel the energy of someone when talking to them? Can you easily form deep connections with people? If yes, chances are you might be an empath.

Empaths are like an emotional sponge where they tend to absorb other people’s emotions and energy into their own body. They are highly sensitive and very intuitive, which leads them to take on the stress of the world. This is because, as Dr Judith Orloff says, they don’t have filters like other people. Particularly in a stressful work environment, empaths face difficulty when they’re next to someone uncomfortable. Empaths can face many such challenges in life; hence, it’s essential for them to understand how to hold the space to others but not take on others’ emotions.

The present times are even more difficult for empaths. The sadness and pain present in the world currently can push an empath down and make them feel confused.

Although empaths struggle much, they have an extraordinary power to connect with their surroundings. They can feel and understand the vibrations around them.

An ‘unawakened empath’ (person who has not yet realised their power) might feel anxious and confused because of feeling ‘too much.’ On the other hand, an ‘awakened empath’ understands their feelings and can navigate their emotions better. They have learnt to regulate and navigate their emotions, and experience the surroundings without getting lost.

The story of psychiatrist Dr Judith Orloff resonates with almost every empath. As a child, she was always anxious to go to crowded places and shopping malls because it would bring exhaustion that she didn’t have earlier. As a little girl, she says that she didn’t realise she was picking up the energy and emotions of other people and the environment. The phenomenon of ‘emotional contagion’ was unknown to her then.

Emotional contagion is an unconscious transfer of emotions among people. It is a natural tendency of human beings to take on the emotional expressions of others.

For example, notice how in a hospital, if a baby starts crying, others start crying, as well. In a work environment, you will often feel the negativity of one person rapidly spreading to other employees. For an empath, this phenomenon of emotional contagion is more intense. ARE YOU AN EMPATH?

You can only manage what you know of. Empaths can get very frustrated with themselves because of their inability to handle their own emotions. Here are some signs you might be an empath:

• You rely on the ‘vibe’ of your surroundings. Different environments make you feel starkly different.

• You are easily hurt.

• You feel others’ emotions like your own. When you are talking to an upset person, you feel sadness.

• People often turn to you for advice.

• You are called a good listener.

• You can strongly sense when something is not right. Your intuition is mostly correct.

• You are emotionally drained in crowded places and even physically exhausted.

• Sometimes, you experience a sudden rush of overwhelming emotions which you can’t explain.

• You feel extremely guilty when you say ‘no’ to someone, even when you don’t want to do the task.

Breaking down the science and looking at the various aspects of empathy can be useful in explaining what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it.

It is believed that empathy has its own spectrum. While ordinary empathy, as beautiful as it is, is where you can feel something for someone else, but you don’t necessarily take it on your own body. But higher on the empathy spectrum are highly sensitive people who have sensitivity to light, sound, noise, and replenish themselves by being alone. They are the empaths who have the ability to absorb energy from other people.

The science behind it includes ‘mirror neuron’ research. Neuroscientists have recently discovered ‘mirror neuron’, which makes the understanding of empathy a bit clearer. These neurons are thought to form the fundamentals of the social interaction of humans. In essence, mirror neurons allow us to respond to the actions of others – in the same way as we would respond to the actions if they were our own.

Mirror neurons have different levels of activity in different people. They are thought to be hyperactive and hypoactive. Its hyperactivity is observed in people with extreme empathy, where they feel compassion for everybody and the world. The mirror neurons, in this case, are working overtime. In contrast is the case of a narcissist or a sociopath who is believed to have Empathy Deficit Disorder (EDD), where their mirror neurons are thought to be hypoactive.

The other explanation is the activity of the dopamine hormone. Dopamine is a pleasure hormone in our body. It is believed that empaths need a smaller amount of dopamine compared to extroverts to feel the same level of happiness.

Empaths are satisfied by little things and little interactions. In fact, it gets overwhelming for them when they are present in the company of many people. This is because they love to connect on a personal level. They get filled with happiness quickly and get drained in a social situation where they get stimulated too much.

The electromagnetic energy from the heart and the brain giving off information also plays a role. Empaths are sensitive to this and can feel it on a deeper level.

The problem is – empaths don’t know how to manage this

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS AS AN EMPATH

Only 2% of the population is true empath. It is a gift, and learning to manage it well could go a long way. Here’s how you can manage your emotions in overwhelming times:

CONNECT WITH YOURSELF

Even if you are not an empath, most likely, you are affected by people around you, as well. For example, if you come in contact with an angry person, you are bound to feel a sense of discomfort or uneasiness. Practising mindfulness can help you manage this feeling. Start with a 3-minute meditation session. You can do this by focusing on your breaths. In an overwhelming or stressful situation, meditate for three minutes by focusing on the most positive aspect of your life.

As an empath, it is easy to get triggered or get disappointed. In such situations, come back to yourself. Learn how to breathe, for it can help you breathe out stress and take in calmness and positivity. It will help you foster creativity, as well.

LEARN TO SAY ‘NO’

Empaths naturally care and feel deep compassion for others, so much so, they face difficulty turning anything or anyone down. This happens due to their wish to not hurt anyone. But as an empath, learning to say ‘no’ is crucial since it allows you to preserve your emotional energy and not get overcommitted. You can care for others only when you are taking care of yourself.

Learn to be kind to yourself

Empaths are sensitive to the emotions of others but face the risk of not having their feelings reciprocated. This can lead to them feeling rejected and misunderstood.

Ignoring the feelings of sensitivity will only lead an empath to the road of getting drained and exhausted. The best thing that an empath can do for their own selves is to show compassion to themselves. They often get too compassionate for others that they forget to reflect the same emotions on themselves. Acceptance is the key here – acceptance of their emotional power. Learning to understand and work with these emotions will give you a sense of relief. This only starts with kindness that you show to yourself.

CONNECT WITH NATURE

Empaths feel at home in nature. In a profound situation where you feel overpowering emotions, escape to the nearby garden or a spacious and open place.

Go barefoot in the grass and nature. Feel the electron exchange with the earth and how your body is connected with the earth. Go out and connect.

CAN YOU BECOME AN EMPATH?

Although it’s not known if a person can become an empath, we all can practice developing a higher empathy for people around us. Start with learning more about people who have faced many challenges in life and how they overcame them.

Couple this with volunteering for people experiencing different challenges. These experiences can help you become more understanding of others’ emotions and connect with them on a deeper level.

Last but not least, even if you’re not an empath, you possess a gift that is unique to you, which is your offering to the world. There’s a Buddha and demon inside everybody; it’s just about what we feed. We want to feed the best part of ourselves – the most sensitive, compassionate, and loving, to make the world a more caring place.

Digital detox

IS IT TIME TO SWITCH OFF?

For the best part of 18 months, we have spent most of our time communicating to others via technology. The global pandemic has meant that we have had to find alternative methods for keeping in touch with family, friends and work. Technology is the main reason why business and our lives have been able to continue. If the pandemic had happened 20-30 years ago, it may have been a very different picture… So, this article isn’t an attempt to criticise technology, but more to raise awareness of the impact that excessive screen use, including work computers and mobile phones has on our sleep, stress levels and our health and wellbeing overall. Since the invention of the smartphone, there has been 151% increase in young girls (aged 10-14) committing suicide – The Social Dilemma, 2020. LET’S TALK ABOUT THE IMPACT OF OUR MOBILE PHONE USE… • The average smartphone user touches their phone 2,617 a day. • On average, Britons spend more than 2 hours per day on their phones. That’s 14 hours per week, 60 hours per month and 30 full days a year! • 66% of the world’s populationshows signs of ‘nomophobia’ – a fear/discomfort of being without their phone. • 71% usually sleepwith or next to their mobile phone. • 75% of peoplehave used their mobile phones in the toilet. • More than a third of UK adults look at their phones within 5 minutes of waking and over half do so within 15 minutes. - Tech Jury, 2020 ARE PHONES ADDICTIVE? If we consider what addiction means; many people feel uncomfortable describing a compulsive habit as an ‘addiction’. Not all addictions are linked to drugs or alcohol. They are on a spectrum and can exist without destroying your life. Addicts show a loss of control of the activity, despite negative consequences and develop tolerance so they require higher levels of stimulation for satisfaction. They will experience withdrawal if they can’t consummate the addictive act. Have you ever felt anxiety, stress or discomfort being without your phone? It’s either broken, lost or misplaced and you start to feel uneasy? These are all signs that you have an unhealthy relationship with your phone. WHY IS IT A PROBLEM FOR OUR WELLBEING AND PRODUCTIVITY? • Smartphones engage in disruptive behaviours – they cause distraction. They are designed to get you to look at them. That decreases your productivity and concentration levels. • Smartphone use releases dopamine, a brain chemical that activates pleasure receptors in the brain. You then begin to crave it. Have you noticed how seeing someone else check their phone can make you want to check yours? • It is making us more and more lazy. We can have a fresh, calorie dense meal delivered to your door in just a few clicks of your device. We burn less calories preparing food and we are becoming more reliant on our devices bringing our food. • ‘Text neck’, ‘phone thumb’ and ‘phone elbow’ are becoming medical diagnoses. • We seek the distraction to not be ‘with our own minds’.

Instead of listening to our thoughts and feelings, we look for distractions, which unfortunately means we don’t process our emotions in a timely and effective way. • Facebook is the biggest surveillance-based enterprise in the history of mankind. It now far, far more about you than the most intrusive government has ever know about its citizens.

• Numerous studies have found that the more we use social media, the less happy we will be. Liking others content and clicking on links significantly predicted a subsequent reduction in self-reported physical health, mental health and life satisfaction.

• Devices such as smartphones, tablets and computers emit blue light, which stops the production of melatonin (our sleep hormone), therefore reducing the quality and quantity of our sleep. HOW CAN YOU IMPROVE THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PHONE OR DEVICE? Firstly, to increase your chances of your behaviour change being successful and sustainable, you need to engineer your environment to support that change. Here are some of the ways you can do that: • Switch off notifications / vibrations on your phone - That way your phone can’t control your actions, you control when you choose to pick up your phone. • Emails – unless you are an ‘email responder’, your emails shouldn’t be your core work. Check emails a few times a day, but don’t start the day with emails and remember to switch off notifications on those too.

• Clear up your apps – delete the apps you hardly use. Move them to a folder or hide them, to avoid the temptation of wanting to click on them in the pursuit of satisfaction. • Make your phone less attractive – you can set your phone to move out of blue light mode or even ask it to go into ‘greyscale’ (this basically makes your phone lose it’s colour and go black and white). It certainly is less enticing and you’re more likely to not bother looking at it. • Change where you charge your devices – not in the bedroom!

Have a charging station away from your bedroom, that way you are reducing the likelihood of your phone being the last thing you look at before you go to sleep and the first thing you look at when you wake. • Set household boundaries / rules – “no phone zones” or no

‘phubbing’ are good rules to implement as a family. Have accountability partners that support you not using your phone. • Set a time for your phone to wake up and go to sleep. If it’s switched off or operating at a minimal capacity, you’ll be less likely to use it. • Keep your phone out of sight – whilst driving it could be in your glove compartment. At home or in the office, it could be on charge in a different room when you are trying to work or focusing on something else. Catherine Price, author of the fantastic book ‘How to break up with your phone’, said: “If you wanted to invent a device that could rewire our minds, and create a society that is perpetually distracted, isolated and overtired, if you wanted to weaken our memories, and damage our capacities for focus and deep thought, whilst simultaneously reducing our ability for empathy and encourage self-absorption, you’d likely end up with a smartphone.” WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF SPENDING LESS TIME ON OUR PHONES? • More time – less time on phone = more time on something more productive • Improved relationships – you have real conversations with real people, in person. Actually listening to what someone is saying rather than people talking to the top of your head! • Improved sleep – reducing the use of your phone will allow you to switch off and produce more sleep-inducing hormones. • Less anxiety and improved mood – feeling constantly switched on can be stressful and is linked to mental health problems.

Switching off your device will help you maintain optimal mental wellbeing. • Living in the moment – you’ll get to properly experience things, instead of living life through a lens. Until next time, take care, Paul.

Hi, I’m Paul, your Resident Health Coach...

Paul is a successful and multi-award nominated health coach working for PT Health Coaching, based in Darwen. With over 15 years experience in the field of health, fitness and wellbeing, Paul takes a holistic approach to helping people make positive lifestyle changes.

Paul is a Health and wellbeing coach and consultant for individuals and organisations and is Lancashire Magazine’s resident Health Coach. To find out more or to get some support contact him on: Tel: 07495 89298 Email: paul@pthealthcoaching.com

BACK TO SCHOOL

Managing Allergies with Routines

BY AIRBORNE ALLERGENS EXPERT, MAX WISEBERG

After a summer of fun in the sun and barbecues, your children will have to get ready for another school year. While many kids will get that butterflies-in-the-pit-of-the stomach feeling that comes with having to make new friends and tackle new challenges at the start of the academic year, others will have the additional challenges of dealing with issues such as allergies. This month I’m taking a look at what parents can do to help…

It’s easier if your child can adhere to a good routine if it is being consistently practiced at home. You should therefore ensure that your children’s allergic issues are being properly managed in the home environment. When your children are old enough, they should be properly instructed, preferably by their family doctor or some other healthcare professional, on how to use products for their allergies. You can also make your home safer for your kids by reducing allergens like dust, pet dander, and mold. Things like swapping carpets for laminate or hardwood and buying bed covers that are resistant to dust mites can help. If your child has an autumn pollen allergy, make sure they remove their shoes once they get in the house, put their clothes in the washing machine, and get a good bath before retiring to bed.

CHECK OUT THE CLASSROOM

In order to reduce the sort of stress that can come from any adverse allergic reactions your children may experience at school, you should notify the school of your desire to examine the classrooms where your children will be taught. You’ll want to inform the school of your children’s allergies and any medication they take so that they are fully aware. If your children are allergic to pollen, you’ll want to know if the teachers like to keep the classroom windows open. Open windows, of course, will result in more pollen in the classroom.

EARLY TO BED…

It goes without saying that your children will need a sufficient amount of sleep in order to be alert during the school day, and this is all the more important if they have allergies. When your children breathe in allergens in the air, they can inflame and irritate their nasal passages, which will make it difficult for them to get a good night’s rest. You can help to reduce these problems by regularly washing sheets, disinfecting mattresses, and filtering the air in your home. It will also make sense to have specific screen-free time – be it smartphone, laptop, or tablet. The reason for this is that children who are already having a hard time getting enough sleep might get even less sleep if they are tethered to their devices.

CHOOSE A CHILD-FRIENDLY PRODUCT

Prevention is better than cure! HayMax (www.haymax. biz) is an organic allergen barrier balm that’s drug-free, very simple to use and comes in tiny plastic pots, so children of all ages at school can happily keep a pot in their school tray or in their pocket, and self-administer when necessary, without the need for a parent permission letter.

HayMax is applied around the nostrils or under the eyes to help reduce or prevent the symptoms of dust allergy. It has been proven in independent studies to trap dust allergens in the air before they enter the body [1]. As long as this is enough to keep your child below their sensitivity level, the symptoms won’t be triggered. Applying the balm two or three times a day provides a highly effective, invisible barrier to airborne allergens. It’s also highly cost effective, as one pot can last several months. Visit the NHS website or the HayMax website (www.haymax.biz) for useful information on how to recognise hay fever in children, how to distinguish it from other allergies, and how to help your child or children cope with the symptoms.

REFERENCE:

[1] Chief Investigator: Professor Roy Kennedy, Principal Investigator: Louise Robertson, Researcher: Dr Mary Lewis, National Pollen and Aerobiology Research Unit, 1st February 2012.