Seinfeld
,
EVERYBODY'S doing something we'll do nothing
I would play myself as a comedian, living in New York, I have a friend, a neighbor, and an ex-girlfriend, which is
all true.
,
Yeah
but nothing happens on the show.
SEASONS 01-09
,
9
MORTY SEINFELD
Susan Ross GEORGE STEINBRENNER
HELEN SEINFELD
POPPIE
DAVID PUDDY
“CRAZY” Joe Davola
“THE SOUP NAZI”
ENES
JACOPO PETERMAN
BABU BHATT
Jack Klompus
Mr. Lippman
JACKIE CHILES
M
COS
ELAINE B
Russell Dalrymple
ER
AM
R OK
UNCLE LEO
Estelle Costanza
Mr. Wilhelm MICKEY ABBOTT
UN
LLOYD BRA
FR
BOB SACAMANO
T
PIT MR. JUSTIN
NEWMAN
JERRY SEINFELD
atley r. Tim Wh
D
KEN
NY BANIA
...A very
MEMORABLE
&
Cast of Characters quirky Quotes!
GEORGE COSTANZA
K
AN
A
NZ
TA
S CO
1!” I AM theMASTER PACKER
“
SEASON
>>>
The
Robbery Returning fr
om a
apartmenttrip to find his robbed
Jerry decid
es to move
to an apartm
ent George o
Jerry then
ffered.
GEORGE learns tha
t
wants the
APARTME NT They play a game of
c h o ose w hich Jerry Jerry decid
wins.
es not to m
ove.
apartmts tehen George ren
t
They are in vited to a housewar where the ming y learn ho w wonder living the ful re could h ave been.
door
y
open?
LOCK
? !
Or the
?
Deduct a minimum of two days off all expiration dates.
open
You have insurance
RIGHT BUDDY
NO
How
?
could you not have insurance
Where’s the
TV
?
Where’s
VCR
Someone left the
DOOR
OPEN
?
The refigerator.
You left the
No meat,
No left overs,
no butter.
And I can not overstate this,
!
no soft cheeses of any kind
Is that CLEAR
?
Let’s see that’s one tv, a stereo, one leather jacket, a vcr and a computer
They were STOLEN the
Phone Messag
,
Refusing an offer to come up for a late night cup of coffee Although unable to believe she is really interested in him, George gets Carol to go out for a second date.
“
coffee at night
IT KEEPS ME UP
2 I can’t drink
SEASON
The
Convinced by Elaine to give himself another chance, George calls Carol. However, leaving a message on her answering machine, George makes a fool of himself on an answering machine and fears he will never hear from Carol again. When Carol doesn't return his calls, George loses his temper and leaves a series of mean spirited phone messages on her answering machine. However, after learning she has been out of town and wants to see him again, George enlists Jerry in an effort to switch the message tape on Carol's answering machine before she hears what he said.
george is convinced he has blown any chance of another date.
Although George and Jerry manage to intercept Carol at her apartment, after they make the switch Carol admits to having already heard the messages, thinking it was all a joke
age
!
!
Coffee isn’t coffee...
COFFEE IS
You see I didn’t realize that cof fee didn’t really mean...
IT’S
A
MACHINE the little light is blinking RIGHT I NOW don’t
SEX
know
the idiot!
what the
HELL I said.
Um Hi
It’s uh George
,
xxx
George Costanza.
REMEMBER ME?
The guy who didn’t come up for coffee! Anyway, it was fun...it was um.... it was fun. If you want. That’s up to you, So you call me back. you know whatever you wanna do. Either way. The ball’s in your court. So uh take it easy.
Come and listen to
YOU CALL ME
A WOOS?
O h h hh
3
I WANT TO SLIDE MY TOUNGE AROUND YOU like a snake
Jerry is surprised by a VERY provocative message. After playing it for George and Kramer, Jerry is encouraged to find the mystery woman. When George accidentally tells Elaine about the message Jerry received. Intrigued by how sexy she can really be, Admitting to Jerry that he is attracted to Elaine, George claims that it was her message on the tape recorder that prompted his response. Though Elaine finally owns up to her practical joke, she is soon made uncomfortable with all the amorous attention she suddenly gets from her friends
“
EASON
While listening to a tape recording of his new show,
ELAINE CONFESSES george becomes
INFATUATED
The Tape
She went into some detail about certain
activities
Oh God
Oh Man.
!
OHH Brother ILLEGAL in some states.
You were
REALLY GOOD
Oh my God.
doing that
For consenting
ADULTS.
Porno Thing
Things Things you you will will know know very very little little about. about.
you're
TALENTED
HAVE
you ever
gone out with
A BALD MAN
WILD
This is . I never heard anything like this in my life.
LISTEN TO THIS!
OH ELAINE.
BALDIST
What do you think an ENRAPTURED fan of mine might say?
IT’S DELICIOUS! It’s very refreshing!
It’s Chocolate. It’s Peppermint.
Who’s going to turn down a Junior Mint
EASON
√
The Junior Mint KRAMER
drops a junior mint
from the
operating room balcony.
[it lands inside the patient.]
& STOP
PED
a dead
INFE
ly
CTIO
N
ED
ION
?
HOW
Did they not notice it
!
because It’s a Junior Mint
it’s a little mint.
Let me finish my coffee!
I’m gonna go watch them
SLICE this FAT
BASTARD UP
!
WHO whoto are play you to interfere! GOD
Every man’s OH COME ON JERRY You HAVE to watch the operation time comes, are you They’re gonna cut him open His
GUTS
will be all over the place.
They’ll cut through his bone! We’ll see what’s inside bone!
LOOK TO THE COOKIE
Look to the cookie Elaine
SEASON ,
George
DENOU wine for
A hair is
found
NCES Babka they boug their ht in hosts.
Elaine d ecides that the ys bring de hould ssert.
The Dinner Party
n the Cinnaom on
Jerry reca
stead
lls memori
es of a trau m a tic childhood incident
George j oin at the liq s Kramer uo purchase r store to a suitabl e wine. Jerry an d Elai
LAST ne miss
the
en toes ar e te crushed by a blin d man's c Kr a
Chocola Babka
Jerry be comes il l from a black an d white c ookie Elaine's fr oz amer ge
ts Hypot George b hermia reaks a n umber of wine bott les with h is coat
ne.
After finally exchanging the Babka, Elaine fumes as she and Jerry wait for their ride, unaware that George and Kramer are blocked in. Making matters worse, So, without coats, George and Kramer are forced to wait outside for the missing driver, who turns out to look just like Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. After the frozen George and Kramer finally return to pick up a sick Jerry and the crippled Elaine, they end up snidely dropping off their gifts at the party before heading straight home.
What’s your
?
CINNAMON
DEFINITION
of SCARY cold You pretty comfortable up there eh,
BUBBLE BOY
takes a backseat to
no babka!
It should be on tables in restaurants along with salt and pepper. Anytime somebody says
“Ooh this is good, what’s in it?” The answer invariably comes back.
cinnamon
CINNAMON Lesser Babka
I THINK NOT!
It’s GORTEX
well you know there’s an
UNUSUAL amount of people
I’M Cake PEPSISORRY having sex with
AMPUTEES
You could serve You don’t make WINE Carrots DINNER
No Way is better than
into a
on my head
6 to do that
,Lois
Superman Well I’d have to be
SEASON
The Race Jerry tells Elaine of their
longstanding dispute
over an INADVERTENT
HEAD START in a race, one which crowned Jerry as the school's fastest runner. When George drops by during lunch and pretends they haven’t seen each other in years, he tells Duncan and Lois that Jerry won the race fair and square. However, as George uses the opportunity to portray himself as a millionaire, Jerry is goaded into running the race again. With many old classmates coming to see the rematch, Jerry decides not to run. But, Duncan’s threat to fire Lois forces him to reconsider.
?
What do you do a lot of that
“Did You Ever Notice” kinda stuff
YOU
couldn’t beat me
THEN I’m an and you can’t beat me Architect NOW I CHOOSE MAN
! BIG RACE that’s some tart cider
NOT TO RUN
Elaine, only one other person in the world knows what I’m about to tell you, and that’s George. When we were in the 9th grade they had us all line up at one end of the school yard for this
I was the last one on the end, George was next to me and Mr. Bevalop, the gym teacher was down at the other end.
So he yells out I was so KEYED READY, on your up I just took off! By the time he said go I was mark, get set... 10 yards ahead of everybody!
NEXT No more soup for you.
YOU’RE THROUGH SOUP NAZI!
SEASON
The Soup Nazi While on the way to a soup stand whose demanding proprietor's harsh rules have led to him being referred to as
,
"The Soup NA ZI "
Elaine stops to buy a sidewalk vendor's antique armoire.
Elaine discovers just how tough the Soup Nazi can be when she's banned from eating there for two years. When a kiss in line costs Jerry’s girlfriend a delicious bowl of soup, Jerry is prompted to claim he doesn't know her. Pointing out that he chose a bowl of soup over a woman The Soup Nazi gives Kramer an old armoire he's been keeping in his basement, and Kramer gives Elaine the armoire. Meanwhile, when her thank you for the armoire enrages the Soup Nazi, Elaine is determined to get revenge for his rudeness. And the recipes she's found hidden in his old armoire provide just the ammunition. The Soup Nazi closes up shop for good, much to the dismay of his loyal customers.
SOU SOUPSOUPSOUP NOBODY Shhh I’m Shifting into
He’s NOT a NAZI,
SOUP MODE inkisses my line HERE
just happens to be a little
ECCENTRIC
SO ESSENTIALLY,
you chose soup over a woman Has Has anybody anybody told told you you that that you you look look EXACTLY EXACTLY like like Al Al Pacino? Pacino?
LET THE MAN
You know.
Scent of a Woman?
HOO WAHH
MAKE HIS SOUP HOO WAHH You are the
ONLY
one onewho whounderstands understands
ME
You
Suffer
for your Soup!
yada yada SEX
SYouEdon’tAthink S she’d ON
Y
The Yada Yada George's girlfriend
has him
INTRIGUED by her frequent use
of the phrase
yada yada
When Marcy's "yada yada" obscures the fact that she slept with a former boyfriend, George presses for details and discovers there's a lot about her that he doesn't want to know.
ya
Y
YadaYada yada
Yada yada yadayada yada
Yada
Yada Yada
yada
Yada
Yada
Yada
Yada
Yada
I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner. I had the
Lobster Bisque we went back to my place and...
SO speaking of
EX’S My old boyfriend came over
late
yada yada last night
anyway I’m
REALLY tired today
Are you close with your parents?
Well,
they gave birth to me ...
Eat it! Eat the fly!
Watch the truck!
SEAS O N Double jump!
George plans to buy the
“Frogger� to
IMMORTALIZE
George discovers
that unplugging
the game
will erase his score
his record.
To mark the closing of their old high school hangout, George and Jerry head for Mario's Pizza, where George finds his favorite arcade game is still there. Meanwhile, as Jerry finds a date's habit of finishing his sentences annoying and Elaine grows tired of endless office parties, Kramer warns of a serial killer who's on the loose. Once his team prepares the "Frogger," for the trip home, a dying battery forces George to try and save his high score, only to have the game destroyed in the process. Finally, Elaine's efforts to replace the cake are undermined by a surveillance camera that caught her in the act.
s
g
re
We’ll have two slices and two grape sodas oh
THANKS that’ll save us.
ALRIGHT make it the large sodas
I’m I’m
NEVER
gonna have a child
If I lose this Frogger High Score
THAT’S IT FOR ME PERFECT combination of Mt. Dew and Mozzarella
GLC
!
MUST LIVE ON
I NEED an Outlet!
HOLES I NEED
HOLES