Knock Knock by LASA Ezine

Knock Knock | June 2009

Jokes * Comedy * Satire

Featuring: Les is More War of the Worlds Go Out with a Bang

Knock Knock | June 2009

Who’s Biographies

Sam

Losa

David

Whether enjoying watching people attempt to pick up a freshly super-glued quarter, or confusing classmates with a universal remote while watching a movie, there’s little Sam enjoys more than the look on people’s face when the realize that they have fallen victim to a perfectly executed prank. He knows that there is not much worse than when someone overreacts to a joke. He learned his lesson early when in first grade pulling a chair out from under a friend almost resulted in a trip to the principal’s office.

Armed with plastic forks, an infinite number of toilet paper rolls, bottles upon bottles of silly string and window paint, friday night never looked better. I set out through the streets with my crew and began to wreak havoc on our unsuspecting targets. This instance is just one of the many practical jokes, pranks and goofy stunts I’m known to be the ringleader of. But remember, the most important trick of this trade is to never, ever get caught. Trust me, it’s no fun.

“Here I was asking myself, ‘what’s wrong with this kid?’” laughed a hairdresser as a boy of about 7 peeled off a set of fake sideburns ata barber shop. I’ve always liked practical jokes. The small stuff, you know? A gag gift here, fake vomit on a dinner plate at a restaurant there. Often the best pranks are the small ones, not elaborate schemes. It’s a performance art. You have to be witty and quick on your feet. I find timing to be the most important part of your improvisation. So find your rhythm and go get some laughs.

Knock Knock | June 2009

There? Comedy’s Top 5

The funniest shows on TV.

Go Out With a Bang No high school experience is complete without a few senior pranks to keep your year remembered

Les is More

Your guide to Austin Entertainment

So you think you can...what?

18 20

Wanna be famous? Don’t worry, talent won’t be an issue.

News Anchors Do the Darndest Things

King of Comedy

Their embarresment is our enjoyment

They are slippery right?

Who’s There?

April Fools The key to getting through the recession

The radio broadcast that sent hundreds of scared New Yorkers running from their homes

Buh-NAN-nuh

Racism or social commentary?

How one famous comedian made it to the top

War of the Worlds

Handle with Care

A look back at the amazing life of comedian Bernie Mac

Knock Knock Brush up on your jokes

Comedyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Knock Knock | June 2009

Top

The Funniest Shows on TV By Sam

Knock Knock | June 2009

Southpark

While many accuse South Park of being overly vulgar, it is the writer’s willingness to write about most anything that makes the show as great as it is. Most material seems simply offensive, but almost all episodes include a thoughtful message about a current heated issue. If you haven’t already, give this insightful show a try without being scared off by its discussion of issues that are normally taboo.

The Colbert Report

Staying up to date on the most recent and mildly important news events has never been easier, or funnier. The Colbert Report, which airs Monday through Thursday at 10:30, pokes fun at politics and the media, and usually has a nightly interview with a celebrity guest. Colbert lovers will probably also enjoy the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, which airs immediately before the Report on Comedy Central.

The Office

Flight of the Conchords

This relatively new HBO series portrays a fictionalized version of the lives of Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie, a two-man band from New Zealand¸ and Murray Hewitt their manager. If you have HBO, it’s a waste to not be watching this show.

The simpsons

There’s a reason this dysfunctional family has had 20 seasons, 404 epsiodes and counthing, and 1 feature -length film: it never fails to make its audience laugh. The show features the life of Homer, Marge, Maggie, Lisa, and Bart, the typical middleclass American family. The satirical comedy lead the way for the many animated series to come, like Family Guy, King of the Hill, Futurama, and more. If you only have time for one show in Fox’s Sunday “Animation Domination” block, this should be it.

Not many shows can say they have been adapted for six different versions in the U.S., UK, France, Germany, Canada, and Chile like The Office can. The American version of the show, adapted from the British, attracts large audiences for good reason. The show is made in the form of a mockumentary and does not use a laugh track, giving it a very different feel than most comedies on TV tonight. Dwight’s no-nonsense attitude combined with Michaels poor managing skills (not to mention Jim and Pam’s relationship) never fails to satisfy viewers. No show is more dependably witty and funny than The Office.

Knock Knock |

June 2009

t u O o G with a by Losa De Leon

Bang

With sweat dripping from his

brow, he motions his friends away from the firing area. Slowly but surely, each one backs away from the danger zone anxiously awaiting the arrival of their enemies. With each young man fighting back the urge to speak, they hurriedly make their way to hiding places designated to conceal themselves from any who may witness the attack. The sound of enemy voices nearing sends a shiver of excitement down the spines of all the brave maroons. He signs a series of signals to his buddies to commence the ambush attack. As the enemy targets move into position, by their own actions of turning the doorknob they unleash the horror and vulgar that is a bucket of nauseating contents all over themselves. The maroons watched in awe with wide grins as their well-thought out plan is executed perfectly and the enemy targets are showered in slime. Senior pranking is a long-standing tradition for many schools in Austin. These practical jokes are often carried out with military-like precision in order to avoid getting caught. It is seen as a right of pas-

sage into college and the last ‘big stunt’ students look forward to participating in before they are forced into adulthood and a lifetime of responsibilities. The idea of pulling a prank so huge, that your graduating class will be remembered forever, is the most appealing part of senior pranking to ‘07 gradu-

“They [the ’08 Bowie senior class pranksters] broke into the school lab, stole pig fetuses and hung them from a big tree in the middle of the courtyard.” ate Pa’asa Kaufusi. “We [the Austin High varsity basketball seniors of ‘07] wanted to do something for the lowerclassmen that planned on playing basketball next year to live up to. You know, set the standard.” And set the standard is exactly what they did

Knock Knock | June 2009

“Sure there are risks, but you just don’t get caught!” from spicing up their senior year. “They [the ’08 Bowie senior class pranksters] broke into the school lab, stole pig fetuses and hung them from a big tree in the middle of the courtyard. Then they made a little pond and put goldfish in it.” Kelly Rogers, a senior at Bowie High School, said. “It was kind of gross, and those poor goldfish!” Rogers stated with a sympathetic expression. Fortunately for the ’08 Bowie seniors, no people were hurt in their prank. Students attending Cinco Ranch High School in Katy, Texas were not as lucky. According to an article written by Kathryn Wilson, these pranksters rounded up an estimated 150 rodents from local pet stores and concealed them in backpacks. The seniors unleashed mayhem of crazed rodents in the senior hallway only minutes before the bell rang. One teacher even went as far as rushing herself to the hospital to receive a rabies shot, after a failed attempt at capturing a mouse left her mouse-less and bitten.

With all of the excitement building up as the year progresses into its final months, seniors and juniors at all schools are searching for a way to have their name, or at least their class, remembered. The upperclassmen are on the hunt for truly amazing

“We only got one senior year of high school and you gotta make it worth it.” pranks to make their mark in high school pranking history. This idea of senior pranking is an extremely attractive one to seniors everywhere, but as Newton declared, ‘for every action there is an equal (in size) and opposite (in direction) reaction.’ Not many seniors and juniors apply this famous law to pulling a practical joke, but that doesn’t bother junior Sean Hall at Akins High School who looks forward to committing a senior prank with his football buddies. “We only got one senior year of high school and you gotta make it worth it. And sure there are risks, but you just don’t get caught! And there ya go.” I couldn’t have put it any simpler.

By Losa

Photos by Losa

And set the standard is exactly what they did in suspending a large bucket of goo over a door that Kaufusi and his fellow varsity basketball buddies knew their coaches would walk through. When the time came for the door to be opened, one string that connected the teetering bucket to the handle was all that was needed to yank the bucket and shower its revolting contents on all of the ‘enemy’ coaches. “We [the varsity basketball team and the coaches] were all cool with each other, so the coaches knew it was just a joke.” Kaufusi joked. The coaches didn’t dish out any harsh punishments, except for maybe a few sets of suicides, mountain climbers and laps around the gym. Although this small prank was just a joke to those who were involved, sometimes these pranks can get out of hand. We all know the saying, ‘It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt’ but that didn’t stop the Bowie High School Senior graduating class of ’08

Knock Knock | June 2009

Photo Courtesy of Les McGehee

WHEN IT COMES TO COMEDY,

LES

IS DEFINITELY

Diversify. Sounds like advice you might expect to get from a financial manager, but from a comedian? Yet, that’s exactly the advice Les McGehee would give to an aspiring comic. And he has certainly heeded his own advice. McGehee has diversified so much that even he has trouble explaining what he does for a living. He has described himself as an “improviser,” “comedian,” “trainer,” “comic actor,” and “consultant.” He’s also an author, business owner, husband and father, and has had “more weird-ass job than you can imagine.” “I can barely describe what I do for a living. It makes family reunions a pain,” McGehee writes in his book, Plays Well with Others. “Most of my jobs don’t even resemble each other.” McGehee recommends diversifying because income from professional comedy can fluctuate. “Instead of just performing, you might also record yourself and put out a CD or get yourself a book deal. Or you get good at writing dialog, so you can be a punch-up comedy writer for TV or film. Some of the working comedians I know support most of their living by selling a script now and then or getting a job on a TV writing staff.”

According to Les, being a comedian is about half innate and half learned. “If you’re not a funny person, you can still build technique and do okay. You can build skills. Likewise, if you’re a very funny person but you don’t build the skills, you’re probably not going to have real good luck either.” For Les, working in comedy seems to come naturally. He says he has a “really high capacity for fun,” which he gets in large part from his mom. She taught him that he was in charge of how much fun he could have. When his first report card said “needs improvement” in in the category of “plays well with others,” she told him, “life is full of what you want it to be full of. You of all people should play well.” “That is like a baseline truth for me,” says McGehee. “She gave me a sense of responsibility about the amount of fun in my world. If things are uninteresting, I don’t think of it as, ‘This is a boring place.’ I think of it as, ‘I wonder why I was thinking boring thoughts.’” When Les was in early elementary school, he entered a talent show with a juggling act. Despite the fact that he didn’t know how to juggle when he signed up, his brother taught him how to “kinda” juggle two softballs and

Knock Knock | June 2009

Les thought he was “ready enough.” With two softballs and a great deal of improvising, he managed to dazzle the audience in the Rose Garden Elementary cafetorium. “I had an odd but comfortably exhilarating feeling,” he later wrote. He knew from that moment that he was made for show business. When he was sixteen, he hosted his high school talent show. His prepared material did not go over particularly well with the crowd, but then the record player broke and, while it was being fixed, he filled the time with some spontaneous dancing and storytelling. After the show, one of the judges offered him a stand-up job at a benefit show. “That was my (paying) first job and while I was there, I got another job. And that’s pretty much the way my whole career has gone; where I got a job and I got another job from it.” He worked “pretty well” as a professional standup until he was 25. He wasn’t enjoying it much so he tried other types of comedy. One of the weirdest jobs he’s had was one he calls “the head table.” He was hired to be a comedian under a buffet table, with his head sticking up through a hole. There were plants on the table around him and he was made-up by a professional with “Rambo-style jungle camouflage.” With his eyes closed, he was invisible. Only when he opened his mouth and bared his teeth could he be seen, and he looked “downright frightening.” He scared one of the guests so badly, McGehee thought the man was going to have a heart attack. “I’m thinking I’ve killed a man and am about to be crushed under this falling dead body sporting elegant buffet and wearing Rambo makeup, in a bizarre comedy-related accident that will never be explained,” Les later writes in his book. Fortunately, both of them lived through the incident. His list of credentials includes being the owner of the National Comedy Theatre of Austin and San Antonio, and the largest improvisation training program in the South. He has been featured on ABC, Fox Family, and PBS, and has written scripts, shows, and a book. He’s a five-time winner of the Austin Comedy Festival and for two years in a row he was the National Improv Champion of the Comedy League of America. Les has performed in Hawaii, the Bahamas, Mexico, Egypt, Greece, Italy, Spain, Germany, Holland, Belgium, Luxembourg, Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, San Francisco, up and down both U.S. coasts and every major city across the Midwest. Through it all, improvisation has been the driving force of his career. “I get to learn, perform, teach, train, write and consult with improvisation,” says McGehee. “It’s wide open.” Asked to describe improvisation, Les responds, “In improvisation, we’re going to make it up, but we’re going to make it up based on themes and structures that we know how to use.” He compares it to jazz. Even though the jazz musician is making something up, there is some structure necessary to make it a song. In 1986, Les started the Austin chapter of ComedySportz, a fast-paced improvisational comedy, played

as a sport. Two teams make up scenes, play games, and sing songs. The referee takes suggestions and keeps things moving, while the audience gives suggestions and votes on which team they like best. As a member of the audience at a ComedySportz show, you’re not just watching, you become part of the action. “When they yell something out and nobody makes fun of them, and later on we do something smart with their idea, then they are willing to give ideas. The referee is re-

“I’m thinking I’ve killed a man and am about to be crushed under this falling dead body” sponsible for building that relationship,” McGehee says. Keeping ComedySportz shows clean is hugely important to McGehee. Not only is it vital to creating a familyfriendly environment, but, as McGehee says, “we don’t want to have repetitious or boring creative problems to solve.” He thinks “going dirty” is predictable, while keeping it clean creates more surprises. To make his point, McGehee tells about going to standup shows and tallying on a bar napkin the number of times the comedian used the “f-word.” “Sometimes a professional standup, in a forty minute set, would use the f-word, say, 70 or 80 times. I’d think, there’s just not any other professional speaker that could repeat any word, clean or dirty (that many times). If you were a nuclear physicist and you said the word ‘nuclear’ 80 times, eventually we’d go crazy and want you to shut up. So I remember thinking, for variety, you can’t just go repeating stuff like that all the time, you’d go crazy.” One of McGehee’s latest endeavors is renovating Café Caffeine, a coffee shop in South Austin, to give the local ComedySportz league a new home. On a recent Sunday afternoon, Les and one of the ComedySportz players, Jim Doggett, were building the new stage for upcoming shows. “Get a picture,” McGehee said putting his arm around Doggett, “we don’t want people to think all comedians do is sit around in their pajamas watching Geraldo.” Les’s philosophy and outlook for comedy is very positive. “When you make somebody laugh, you’re doing a good thing for them, as long as it wasn’t at anybody’s expense. There are lots of ways to have fun and laugh it up in this world without being mean to anybody. The way of the future is comedy that brings us together that doesn’t hurt anybody. You gotta make sure you are doing something healthy for the world, and comedy is that, if it’s done right.”

By Sam

Image courtessy of Paramount Pictures

10 Knock Knock | June 2009

By David

Knock Knock | June 2009

War of the

WOrlds Sunday October 31, 1938. 8 P.M. - Panicked New Yorkers flee their

apartments with wet towels wrapped around their faces to escape the gas attacks. In the distance people see flashes of lighting mar the sky. Callers swamp police stations, asking about protective measures across the United States and Canada. A radio play performed by the infamous Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre caused the mass hysteria seen here. The Central Broadcasting System series, the Mercury Theatre, featured adaptations of classic books. That night, in a series of fictional news reports, Welles dramatized The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells, the tale of a Martian invasion of England. Welles took the story and transported the setting to New York. In his play, Martian crafts plow into the ground across the countryside and begin their invasion of the Earth, starting with New York. The mock documentary format that the play took caused many people to believe the reports were real. “When you imitate news, which is really what War of the Worlds was doing, a lot of people don’t catch up,” said George Sylvie, professor at the School of Journalism at the University of Texas. “When you do that you fool a lot of people.” The CBS and local radio stations informed listeners many times of the fictional nature of the broadcast, yet many still believed the play was real. “To hear the reports was terrifying,” LASA government teacher Ronny Risinger said as he reflected on his first time hearing the play in the 3rd grade. “It was scarily believable and very realistic. If they said they were on a farm, you would hear a cow moo in the background.” Listeners that tuned in late and missed the initial warning believed the reports were real. Not realizing what they were hearing was fiction; they reacted before the next warning was broadcast. “If I were

Knock Knock | June 2009

to turn on the radio today and hear a report of a bio-terrorism attack on Georgetown, I’m outta here. Shit, I’m not waiting around for the end of the broadcast,” Risinger said with a serious look on his face. Even listeners who heard the warnings were duped by the quality of the broadcast. “In the 30’s, hearing was believing. The dominant news media of the time was radio,” Sylvie said. “People, just like today, if they read it, they believe it’s true.” Many people now, reflecting on this event, say that people were foolish to have believed the broadcast was real. Some people would like to think that the general public is more sophisticated than they really are. “There’s a large part of the public that’s pretty naïve about satire and complex creative works of art,” Sylvie said. “Most people don’t verify the information they’re given.” “It is easy in this era of multiple sources of information to say that these people were silly to have believed,” Risinger said. “But putting yourself in their position, the broadcast would have been very credible.” At the time, the government used radio to communicate with the public. Radio was primarily used to broadcast news and other factual information. “Satire and radio did not go together,” says Risinger. Many people criticized the ethics of the broadcast, mailing their thoughts to the CBS and to the Federal Communications Commission. “You can’t yell fire in a theater and get away with it. You’re putting those people in false danger,” said LASA Ezine teacher Brandi Richey. The CBS did not expect the public’s response to the broadcast. The format Welles used had never been tried before. Rather than just telling a story, he presented it through a series of breaking news reports interrupting what seemed to be a regularly scheduled musical performance. The authenticity this created is often blamed for

causing the panic. “Sure it was ethical,” Risinger said, “if you’d been paying attention you would have been amazed at how well done it was.” “Who’s to say what’s ethical for someone else? Some people say yes, that’s unethical,” Sylvie said, “but on the other hand news is also what people want to see and want to hear and want to read. When you mix drama and news you do confuse people a lot of times.” Whether the broadcast was ethical, it quickly became a nationwide sensation, generating a barrage of media and lifting Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre to a new level of popularity. This play has had a significant impact on American culture, generating many conspiracy theories and creating skepticism of the government by the American public. “We couldn’t soap all your windows and steal all your garden gates by tomorrow night, so we did the best next thing. We annihilated the world before your very ears, and utterly destroyed the CBS.” – Orson Welles

How Big?

million people listened

28%

reported that they believed it was a news bulliten

70%

were frightened or disturbed

3,864

people wrote to the CBS, Mercury Theatre and the Federal Communications Commision

Buh-NAN-uh Knock Knock | June 2009

Wait for it....

Awww....

Photos by David C.

Knock Knock | June 2009

Toy Joy A part of Austinite culture since 1987, Toy Joy is an independently owned toy store located at 2900 Guadalupe, 2 blocks north of the University of Texas. They sell everything from the latest toys to hit the market to the old classics. The store recently expanded to include a small café. In their own words, “Everything from Hello Kitty and rare, desirable candy to tin robots, dinosaurs, and magical unicorns — you’ll always find something new and unique here!”

Lucy in Disguise with Diamonds Need a costume? Lucy in Disguise with Diamonds is Austin’s one stop shop for any costume or prop you could ever want. Also known as Electric Ladyland, the store also features vintage and thrift clothing. The store is located at 1506 South Congress.

Knock Knock | June 2009

Cap City Comedy Club Located at 8120 Research Blvd., this is the standup comedy club in Austin. This club features everything from local comics to big comedians like Will Ferrell and Eddie Gossling. Shows run every night at 8 pm with additional shows at 10:30 on Friday and Saturday. Open mic night is offered every Sunday night.

Esther’s Follies

Who’s

There?

This vaudeville theatre on 6th street was founded by Michael Shelton and Shannon Sedwick in 1977. Named after actor Esther Williams, the theatre’s comedic shows include acts of magic, singing, dancing and juggling as well as short skits. The fast paced shows usually last about an hour and a half and run Thursday, Friday and Saturday evenings.

A who’s where of Austin entertainment By David

Photos courtessy of Photobucket, Yelp, and Rand McNally

Three Ring Service Founded in 1978 by Allen Danzigger, the Three Ring Service has been one of the leading entertainment troops in Austin. Having started with only one moon walk, the service now has over 50 rides and attractions and continues to carry on the tradition of Austin carnival entertainment. Operating 24/7 365 days a year the service can be contacted at (512) 448-4447.

Knock Knock | June 2009

HANDLE WITH CARE What’s faster than a speeding bullet? A bird? A plane? No! It’s a ______ with a coupon. We’ve all heard “racist” jokes like this one, but are they all really racist? What is it that makes a joke racist? When is it okay for a comic to tell a racially charged joke? Not all jokes that discuss race are racist. The key characteristic of racism is that it attempts to assert the superiority of one race over another or imply that one race is inferior to others. What’s the difference between a black man and a pizza? It’s apparent that this joke can’t turn out well. The comparison between a black man and a pizza is obviously leading to the degradation of black men. Jokes that merely point out or exaggerate the characteristics of a race aren’t racist. Just because a race is different does not mean that it’s better or worse than any other. Anyone who has ever seen a comedy act has likely seen a comedian make jokes about his own race or group. Take for example Jeff Foxworthy. In his acts he poses as a Redneck and makes jokes about Rednecks, but most people would not

accuse him of being racist. Now whether or not he really is a Redneck, as long as the audience thinks he is one the jokes are okay. “You might be a Redneck if… You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think the National Anthem ends with ‘gentlemen, start your engines!’” By in large, people have generally accepted that it is socially acceptable for someone to make fun of themselves or a group that they belong to. Take again, for example, black comedians. Chris Rock makes jokes using black stereotypes, but isn’t likely to be accused of being racist. However, if a white comedian were to make the same jokes they would probably be seen as crossing the line. For some time Chris Rock did a comedy routine commonly called Niggas vs. Black People in which he made jokes about the stereotypical blacks. In a 60 Minutes interview, he said that he stopped performing the routine because racists began to think that because he was using a variation of the word “nigger” that is was okay for them to use them as well. Chris Rock believed that it was okay for himself to say the word nigger but it was not okay for a white person to say it. There’s a type of comedy commonly known as “shock comedy” in which the comedian spouts out wild exaggerations in order to get a laugh from the audience. A common form of this uses racial stereotypes about all races. What’s with that china man? You could blindfold him with dental floss. Why aren’t there any WalMarts in Afghanistan? Because there’s a Target on every corner. Why do so many white people get lost skiing? It’s hard to find them in the snow. So is this racist? After all they are making fun of all races. So the answer is… not really. I believe that a comic that’s pointing out these stereotypes about all people can’t be considered racist unless they start picking on a particular group. Such jokes can certainly be considered as offensive but

Knock Knock | June 2009

Rock can give a good example of this. “America is a nation of B and C students. But let’s keep it real. A black C student can’t run a company. A black C student can’t even be the manager of Burger King. Meanwhile, the white C student just happens to be the President of the United States of America. While I apologize that this joke isn’t as funny as when it is told by Chris Rock, it is certainly a racial joke. However with that same certainty it is not a racist joke. The joke does not degrade either race but points out the fact that our society is racist. We value the white employee over the black on even though they are equally qualified for the position. This kind of joke can be used as a way of highlighting an issue and thus is often used in political cartoons and by comedians that support a certain movement. According to Kathleen Parker of the Washington Post Writers Group, “To be funny, a joke has to reveal some truth buried deep in the collective psyche.” She used an example performed by comedian Wanda Sykes at the annual White House Correspondents Association dinner. Sykes said she wouldn’t need to water-board Sean Hannity to get information, because she’d only have to put him in a middle seat in coach. “Now they’re not racist, they keep all the races on a level that’s funny – not because we infer that Hannity is field. a diva, but because we’re all divas when it comes Shock comedy can also have positive so- to the middle seat,” writes Parker. cial effects. It can help to break down the taboo It comes down whether or not the audience surrounding certain topics or defuse the power perceives a joke as racist. After all, entertainment of such topics. On his show, Dave Chappelle per- is a reflection of how people want to be enterformed a sketch set in the 1950s called “The Nig- tained. If people want comedians that make ragars” about a white family. He used this comedy cial jokes there will inevitably be racial comedians. performance to reduce the power that the n-word Some of these comedians will use racial humor to held in America. However, Chappelle stopped us- bring attention to an issue and others will misuse ing such comedy when he no longer felt it was racial humor for a chance to laugh at the little guy. having a positive social impact. As long as racial humor doesn’t stoop to the level An important form of racial comedy is the of slurring other races, it remains an acceptable use exaggerations of racial stereotypes to illumi- form of social commentary and satire. nate certain societal truths through satire. Comedians Tim Reid and Tom Dreesen write, “Race wasn’t the punch line in our routines, it was the How many racists does it take to vehicle. The aim was to get people to see, and to change a light bulb? laugh at, the irony of racial attitudes in America.” None – racists hate being enlightThese jokes aren’t intended to be racist and tell us ened. something about the society and culture we’re livBy David ing in and what they value. One joke told by Chris Illustration by Kevin Greene. Photo Courtessy of Photobucket

Knock Knock | June 2009

APRIL FOOLS

The key to getting through the recession As of April 1st of this year, the United States entered the longest recessionary period it has experienced since the Great Depression. It is an odd coincidence that the day that marked the beginning of this grim period fell on April Fools’ Day, the day many people consider to be the most lighthearted day of the year. In theses difficult times, with very few people expecting an economic turnaround anytime soon, it may be that adopting an April Fool’s attitude throughout the year is just what this country needs to help lift its spirits. April Fools’ Day, as most everyone knows, is a day when practical jokes or tricks are played on unsuspecting people. The origin of this informal holiday, also known as All Fools’ Day, is not really known. Some people believe it was related to the adoption of the Gregorian calendar in 1582, when the start of the year changed from some time around the first of April to January 1st. People who did not know of the change to the calendar, or who refused to accept the change, were

sent on “fools’ errands” or otherwise made to look like a fool. Other people believe the origin of the holiday is related to the change of seasons, when winter turns to spring. Supporting this idea is the fact that many different cultures celebrate days of foolishness within a few weeks of April 1. The Romans had a festival called Hilaria in late March. The Hindu calendar includes Holi and the Jewish calendar marks Purim. There may be some people who think that this is no time for frivolity; the economic recession is no joking matter. After all, many people are out of work, companies are failing, and mortgages are being foreclosed in record numbers. One website, www.ehow.com, even offers advice on how to avoid being fooled on April Fools’ Day. The instructions advise the reader to “remember what day it is at all times,” “take the time to think about everything someone says to you,” “remain in familiar territory,” and “stay as unnoticed as possible.” The tips even goes as far as to urge the reader to “stay home and avoid contact with others . . don’t answer

Knock Knock | June 2009 the door or phone.” For the rest of the year, the site offers advice on how to avoid falling victim to practical jokes in general. Here, the site cautions the reader to “stay vigilant and aware,” “trust no one,” “refuse all invitations by people on the street to engage you in conversation,” and even, “be wary of job interviews.” My response to these party poopers? Lighten up! Being fooled isn’t so bad. There’s a reason “Scare Tactics,” “Candid Camera,” and “Punk’d” have been as popular as they are. Not to mention surprise parties. The truth is, we love to fool others, especially our friends, and whether we admit it or not, we all enjoy being fooled. In fact, I think we need to use April Fools’ Day as a model for our behavior during the rest of the year. Let’s consider some of the most famous April Fools’ Day hoaxes. In 1985, Sports Illustrated fooled the country when it published a story about a new rookie pitcher who had been signed by the Mets, named Sidd Finch. Mr. Finch could reportedly throw a baseball 168 miles per hour, having mastered the “art of the pitch” in a Tibetan monastery. Because this was 65 miles per hour faster than the previous record in major league baseball, Mets fans were ecstatic over the news and flooded Sports Illustrated with requests for more information about Mr. Finch. Another example of a well-executed hoax came in 1976, when the British Broadcasting System Radio 2 announced that at 9:47 a.m., a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event would occur, causing a “gravitational

alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth’s own gravity.” This phenomenon would reportedly make it possible for listeners to jump in the air at that exact moment and experience a floating sensation. Many listeners called in reporting that they had actually experienced the sensation. One women even claimed that she and her friends had floated around the room. While these hoaxes made some people look foolish, they were undoubtedly fun for everyone involved. Pranks like these, at a time when so many people are feeling down, could be just what Americans need. If you are not an expert prankster, you may be asking what you can possibly do to help save the country. Some of the old standbys are switching the sugar and salt and short sheeting someone’s bed. You can replace raw eggs with hard boiled ones, or vice versa. Another easy prank is to glue a quarter to the ground and watch to see how many people try to pick it up. After all, in these economic times, who can resist reaching down to recover twenty-five cents? So, if you really love your country, start pulling pranks like it is still April Fool’s Day. Even better, go out and buy some props for your practical jokes. My personal favorites include disappearing ink, fake parking tickets, and the infamous “snake in a can.” Not only will these gags bring a smile to someone’s face, all those purchases just may provide the stimulation that our sputtering economy needs.

By Sam

Knock Knock | June 2009

So you think you can...

WHAT?

“When I grow up I wanna be fa-

mous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies”. These catchy lyrics of the pop song performed by the Pussy Cat Dolls embody the values of a typical American in a mere 3 minutes. The desire to be famous and well known in every home in America is certainly an intriguing one, especially for your hormone-crazed teenagers who thrive on celebrity gossip and faithfully follow every new trend. The truth is, you don’t need any talent to be ‘famous’ nowadays. Take Paris Hilton for example, she’s tried the Reality TV bit on The Simple Life with Nicole Richie and failed to satisfy the public so she turned to the music industry for redemption. Her short musical career began and ended with her debut album, Stars Are Blind. Sure she recorded an album with a label (that she created) and it may have been on a top ten list somewhere for about a week, but it’s definitely debatable that her success in any industry is based on the fact that she is known for her appearance in a sex tape released in 2004.

Politicians and royalty aside, whatever happened to famous people being famous because they worked their butts off to gain recognition as gifted, accomplished artists or actors? In our current mainstream media, the quickest way to launch you into celebrity stardom is through

They are ‘real life’ human beings placed in awkward situations for the enjoyment of others. good ol’ Reality TV. Dictionary.com defines Reality TV as “a genre of television programming in which ‘real life’ people are followed in a situation, game etc.”

Knock Knock | June 2009

“And one day...They will discover I can’t act, and I will become some sad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for a while.” The attraction lies in the fact that these people may have been sitting on their couches, in their living rooms a few months earlier, dreading the return to their dead-end job and another ordinary day. These people are just like you. They are ‘real life’ human beings placed in awkward situations for the enjoyment of others. Reality TV in the twenty-first century, said Robert Thompson, director of the Center for the

Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University, represents “a new way of telling a story which [is] half fiction—the producers and creators set up a universe, they give it rules, they make a setting, they cast it according to specific guidelines as to who they think are going to provide good pyrotechnics. But then they bring in non-actors with no scripts and allow this kind of improvisation like a jazz piece to occur.” I mean come on people; did you hear Robbie say anything about talent scouts out and about for the next reality TV star? Yea, me neither. He even admitted that the producers bring in ‘nonactors’ to do the job. Reality TV is the late nights pick me up when you’ve reached an all time low and don’t know where to go from there. I guess we can say goodbye to those television shows with the witty remarks and clever put downs because those days are on a slow decline. Reality TV shows continue to grow every year with junk like Brody Jenner’s ‘Bromance’ and FOX’s “new compelling drama” ‘Lie to Me’. I long for the days of sharp, intellectual scripts and legit actors and actresses who know what they’re doing and do it well. Anna Scott from Notting Hill had it all figured out, “And one day, not long from now, my looks will go. They will discover I can’t act, and I will become some sad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for a while.”

By Losa

Photos courteousy of MTV.com

So good news for all you prospective celebrities out there, this is the way to go if you A) lack talent B) enjoy being dramatic and sharing your opinion even if people fail to ask for it and C) if you are too lazy to work hard, develop any performing skills at all and prefer the easy way out. The vast influx of reality TV shows like ‘American Idol’ and ‘The Hills’ have caused television ratings to soar every year. Viewers enjoy being front and center for the tantrums, outbursts, emotional breakdowns, laughter and all of the above.

Knock Knock | June 2009

Chuck, Look out for that!

2 2 ...pole...

Photo courteousy of Photobucket

So recall with me now, that horrid presentation experience you had, when your palms got all sweaty, your ears became blisteringly hot, you began to feel your face switching to different colors in the rainbow and that gag reflex of yours is going nuts. Then practicing news anchor, Brian Collins, is just all too familiar with these symptoms of presentation distress, but worst of all, his occurred while trying to report the Sports News of the day. Collins gets off track with what sport he’s covering early on in his report, and to say it all goes down from there is an understatement. Sports pictures flash on screen with no explanations and winning basketball shots are described with things like “Boom Goes the Dynamite”.

Photo courteousy of Photobucket

“Boom Goes the Dynamite”

I can’t even begin to explain how vital it is to society that our news reporters give their all to reporting crimes that happen so close to home. Dedicated news anchors who are willing to put themselves in the face of danger deserve some respect. But does this principle still apply when our hardoworking citizens fail to take necessary safety precautions? Even when it’s only looking where you walk? Good Old Chuck Storm was faithfully reporting on a crime ridden neighborhod when out of nowhere a lone street sign pole ends all forms of reporting for the day-- and maybe for a few weeks more for Chucky boy. And sure, I’ll recognize the possibility of this all being staged, by the very attractive Ryan Northcott from Fuddytv, but hey, that’s just a larger testament to how hilarious news anchor bloopers are. People are making home movies about ‘em.

Knock Knock | June 2009

s s w Nechor an do the

t s e d n r da

things

Photos courteousy of Kate & Oakie Morris of Moon Rise Bay Wine

The Great Grape Lady

Different groups of people hold different values. These values can, and typically do, fuel long standing traditions. Eager to get a first hand experience in the tradition of grape stomping in Chateau Elan Vineyard Fest, local FOX associate news reporter took the challenge head on, ready for an afternoon of fun. Everything was honkey dorey as she settled into her own bucket of grapes with an experienced Chateau Elan employee guiding her every step of the way. The grapes were being smashed efficiently as she gave her live report on the rivoting contests going on in different parts of the city. But one wrong step caused a cataclysmic string of events, that all added up to one thing for the poor thing; pure pain. By Losa

Knock Knock | June 2009

King of Comedy

The Life of Bernie Mac By Sam

September 17, 1977 At age August 1975 On the an19, Mac marries his high niversary of his mother’s October 5, 1957-Born in death, Mac’s brother died at school sweetheart, Rhonda Chicago, Illinois to Mary McMcCullough. Mac credits her the age of twenty-seven. Cullough and Bernard Harwith much of his success rison August 1974 Mac’s mother January 21, 1978 dies of breast cancer. After her Mac has his diagnosis she had continued daughter, Je'Niece. to work overtime to support her family.

Mac’s Greatest Hits Ocean’s Twelve (2004) Guess Who (2005) Transformers (2007) Ocean’s Thirteen (2007) Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (2008) Soul Men (2008) Old Dogs (2009)

Mo’ Money (1992) The Original Kings of Comedy (2000) Ocean’s Eleven (2001) Bad Santa (2003) Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (2003) Head of State (2003) Mr. 3000 (2004) Image Courtesy of Bruce (InsaneKane87)

The Liberal Arts and Science Academy

Knock Knock | June 2009

Image Courtesy of Ania Kuchta

1990 Mac gets his first break when he wins the 1990 Miller Lite Comedy Search held at the Regal. Mac won $3,000 and deposited it all in a bank account in his daughter’s name.

2000-Mac gets a starring role in The Original Kings of Comedy. November 14, 2001-The pilot episode of “The Bernie Mac Show” airs. The show aired for 5 seasons and was loosely based on Mac's stand-up comedy.

August 9, 2008-Dies at age 50 early in the morning due to complications with pneumonia. More than 6,000 people attend a memorial service for Mac at the House of Hope Church on Chicago's South Side several days later.

“I`m not a star, and I don`t want to be a star. Stars fall. I`m an ordinary guy with an extraordinary job”.

--Bernie Mac

k c o n k knock Knock Knock | June 2009

G Funny

! Knock Knock ere? th Who’s ! Madam who? ht in Madam foot is caug Madam r! o the do

Be the

Q. Why d id the ma n dance in front of t he bottle ? A. becaus e it said “ twist to open”

h stare at the Q. Why did Karleig for 4 hours? orange juice bottle

Photo courteousy of Photobucket

Knock K no Who’s th ck! ere? Maida! Maida w ho Maida fo ? rce be w ith you

A. because it said trate”!

“concen-

Q. What has two ha nds but can’t clap? A. a clock! RAILROAD CROSSING: WATCH OUT FOR CARS.

Why did the Sia mese twins move to Engla nd? So the other o ne could drive.

How do you spell that without any ‘R’s? Photo courteousy of Photobucket

ck! Knock Kno ? Who’s there Candace. ho? Candace w nock e the last k b e c a d n a C ? knock joke

ort card all

Terri’s rep Q. Why was wet?

es ll of her grad A. because a vel? below “C” le

were

Q. What’s a n eight lett er that has o ne letter in word it? A. an enve lope!

s e k o j By Losa