We all have to stop accepting abusive behaviour…

By James Preece

This didn't start with Vigano, it didn't start with the 2001 Nolan Report into Clerical Child Abuse. No, no , no . This goes way back. So I have to confess some degree of perplexity at the recent panic hysteria over the latest crisis. Suddenly everybody is talking as if clerical abuse is a new thing. It is not. This is old news. Wake up already.

Back in the day, many of us used to try to explain this to non-Catholic friends and family as the actions of a few bad apples. Occasionally a Priest will fail in his efforts to lead a holy life, but unfortunately that story just didn't cut it. Perpetrators of abuse were not dealt with as soon as their actions came to light, not even close. In many places they were shuffled from one parish to another by Bishops who moved priests away from parishes where they faced accusation to parishes where they were entirely unknown and free to abuse again.

When I say "Bishops" I don't mean one or two isolated incidents in one country, I mean a significant number of Bishops across the world. Bishops didn't work alone in this either, secretaries wrote letters, Episcopal Vicars oversaw appointments. Quite a few people on the inside knew what was going on. Most of those people did nothing.

That last paragraph is lifted verbatim from a blog post I wrote in 2009, almost ten years ago. This is not news.

Why would so many apparently well-meaning people allow themselves to be complicit in such disgusting behavior? What made them think it was okay? How did they go home and sleep at night? Well, I suspect that many of them didn't think anything of it. You see , they were just following the standard procedure. They handled these complaints the same way they handle all the other complaints.

Over the years I have read report after report about abuse cover ups and what has struck me again and again is the similarity between the things the victims say and my own experiences trying to make complaints about problems in the Church. I'm fortunate that my complaints were never about sexual abuse, they were about more mundane things like liturgical abuses and bad teaching, but it's interesting to note that the response was the same. How we handle the little things ends up being how we handle the big things.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that Catholics at all levels, myself included, have contributed to a culture in which abuse can thrive. Every time we have accepted as true, things which ought to be challenged far more regularly. What follows is a list of everyday abuse enabling attitudes found in every parish that need to stop yesterday.

1. Conceit.

We're a nice parish. We're a good Diocese. This is the Church. Everybody here is on the side of the angels. Seriously you would need a really good reason to think there is anything bad going on around here.

2. False Piety.

Probably better to leave it be and say a prayer. That's it, say a prayer and leave it up to God. Right? Wrong.

3. Do Not Judge.

That's right. You mustn't judge people but you most certainly can judge actions. Abuse is abuse. If Father is doing something wrong then it's not "judging" to do something about it. Note that "but Father was very kind when my mother was ill" is also a form of judgement. I'm not interested in debating the evidence and assessing his overall character, I'm interested in the thing he's doing wrong and whether he's going to stop.

4. The Log in Your Eye.

Are you perfect? How can you criticise others? Let he who is without sin cast the fir st stone . Do these verses mean that a child abuser should not be reported to the police? Clearly not. We need to understand that Our Lord's teachings against judgement are not a prohibition on common sense. Matthew 7 says, "Do no t judge" but it also says, "by their fruits you will know them."

5. Gossip is bad!

Well yes, idle chatter and nasty rumours are clearly off limits. Let's be clear though - asking others for help with a problem is not gossip. Abusive bullies thrive off silence and isolation. Don't give it to them. If you are in a group and somebody says, "I'm not worried about the way Father is behaving", that isn't gossip. That's a plea for help.

6. Nothing to do with you.

As I say, bullies like isolation. Show concern about a situation and they soon ask, "what's this got to do with you?" It's not only bullies though, well meaning friends will reassure you that if Father is as bad as you say, somebody will complain. You needn't bother yourself. Besides, you're not anybody important, who would listen to you? Other's may ask who appointed you Bishop. One way or another, it's somebody else's problem. Not yours.

7. Clericalism and False Respect.

If you respected the Priesthood, you wouldn't speak badly about a Priest. Really? No. Quite the opposite. If you respected the Priesthood you would not think bad behaviour unworthy of comment. He's a bully, but he's a Priest. That makes it worse. Do something about it.

8. Relativism.

I know you're unhappy about that thing that happened, but really, in the great scheme of things, is it so bad? I once complained about a Priest and was told, no word of a lie, that it's a shame I concern myself with such things when, "there is so much war in the world". Really - I'm supposed to solve world peace before I can expect a Priest to behave himself?

9. Don't Rock The Boat.

Think of the harm it will do to the Church if this comes out. Do you really want to cause division and scandal? If you are seen to be a trouble maker, then maybe that important thing you care about won't happen. Probably better to minimise the damage.

10. Burdensome Legalism.

Okay, so technically Father might have broken the rules, but come on... Jesus came to free us from burdensome laws. Wrong. Jesus came to fulfil the law. Anyway, laws exist to protect the weak against the strong. Kings who put themselves above the law are called tyrants. When somebody in a position of authority talks about freedom from burdensome laws, what that person means is they plan to do whatever they want and they have the power to do it.

11. Chip on the Shoulder.

What is your motive? Why are you bringing this up? You've never liked Father since he stopped you from having Mass in Latin. Are you sure this is really about his behavior - are you sure it's not about your personal vendettas?

12. The Usual Suspects.

You heard some troubling reports, but the people you heard them from are always complaining. Genuine complaints should always come from people who have never complained before. Duh.

13. Going About It All Wrong.

Sure, you might have a valid complaint, but you got angry during that meeting and you wrote a letter to the Bishop when you really should have gone through the Vicar General fir st. W e'd like to do something about it, but we need the complaint to come from a specific person and be written in a specific tone.

“At the very least, making a fuss doesn't seem like a very prudent thing to do. It would take a pretty determined individual to push through all of that over a mere concern that might not be anything anyway”

14. Can't you just forgive?

Of course we should always forgive - but forgiveness generally goes with contrition. If a Priest continues to do wrong, especially if he poses a danger to children, then forgive him and do something about it.

Now imagine you're a Parish Secretary or a School Governor, you've got concerns but you're reassured that everything is okay. Bad things only happen somewhere else, besides which this is all idle gossip from the usual suspects with chips on their shoulders and we mustn't judge. If you're really worried, why not pray about it. It's not your job to investigate this kind of thing anyway, leave it to the experts. It's a wall of confusion. At the very least, making a fuss doesn't seem like a very prudent thing to do. It would take a pretty determined individual to push through all of that over a mere concern that might not be anything anyway.

That's how it works folks. Not conspiracy, just ordinary people worrying themselves in to inaction. It needs to stop. We need to be clear that none of the above is ever justification for good men to do nothing. Not even over little things. That way, when the big things come along, maybe Catholics will know what to do.