FAMILY MATTERS
Darling, Let's have another baby... In this, the first of a new series, James Preece looks at the perils of a ‘contraceptive mentality’
D
o not be afraid!” the angel told us just a few weeks ago at Christmas, or for those of you using the 1965 authorised Charlie Brown version, “Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy”. It's interesting to note that the shepherds who feared the angel were put at ease by the news of a birth. These days we are more likely to be afraid of the baby! I'm pleased to say that this year we spent Christmas with a beautiful three-monthold baby girl, but we might easily not have done - because of fear. There are a lot of reasons to be afraid of having a baby. Money is a huge factor because maybe you can't afford to pay the bills as it is, or maybe you'll need a bigger car and where is the money for that going to come from? Then there's health issues, like whether pregnancy will be safe for the mother or a history of genetic diseases in the family. You may be struggling in your marriage or have other commitments like caring for an elderly relative. Even if you don't have those problems now, who is to say you won't have them in two or four or ten years. Children are a long-term project. It's incredible that anybody chances it to be honest. In our case it was mostly health concerns, although money played a part as well (have you seen the cost of shoes these days?) and a healthy mother seemed like a smart move. So we used natural family planning to avoid pregnancy. We gave away the baby things, our children grew older and we 'moved on' – but something niggled. It was only a little niggle though and easily ignored when I realised that our children would be all grown up and out of the way while we were still relatively young. I'd be able to buy a boat and travel the world! Kid-free life was going to be awesome. Oh yes, definitely open to life I was. Or was I? I was beginning to have my doubts. My wife's health difficulties
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SPRING 2021
‘I realised our children would be all grown up and out of the way while we were still relatively young…’
seemed to be easing off, I was older now and earning a bit more. Had we drifted across a line somewhere? This all came to a head when I read a blog post by Dr Joseph Shaw in which he described using NFP with a “contraceptive mentality”. Was that me? Could the money be stretched further? Were the health issues serious enough? The questions literally kept me awake at night. At this point I'd like to share a short explanation about how to make a prudential judgment. I'd like to, but I can't, because I really have no idea. On the one hand, we should obviously trust God, “consider the lilies” and all that. On the other hand, we must use the gifts we have been given to figure things out, for “which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it”. Which was I doing? Was I using my God given intellect to chart the best path, or was I worrying and failing to trust? Spoiler alert - we had to buy another pram. After a great deal of prayer and discussion, the Lord
blessed us with two beautiful baby girls, plus two more I hope to see in heaven – but that's a theological discussion for another day. So what is the lesson here? Certainly not that NFP is always and everywhere wrong and evil, but also not that it is always and everywhere fine and dandy. In Humanae Vitae, Paul VI was clear on the need for “iustae causae”, that is, just causes. If you are going to avoid pregnancy, you really ought to have a serious reason. That's where things get tricky - I'm not about to try and spell out what is a serious reason, suffice to say that “life and death” sounds pretty valid to me and “I'd rather buy a boat” not so much. Even if it's a really, really, nice boat. I would encourage you though, to consider seriously whether or not you might have inadvertently strayed, as I did, in to a contraceptive mentality. Are you absolutely confident? or do you have niggles? If so, I hope this article will keep you up at night. Then maybe someday, I hope your future children will. Think about it.
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