By lau�a �ae Ba�bo�a
mY gRANDFATHER Passed awAy years BEFoRE I had A Chance to Meet Him. I stiLL Have Many Questions ABout Hi m as A Person And His relationship with my grandmother and the family they built. THe PhotogRaphs of my GrandparEnts datinG and the FamilY sNapshotS I ADMiRED As A cHilD CReAteD a FAcADE of PerFectioN and NormalIty, CoverIng up What I Later Learned was A tIME OF fEAR AND abUSE.
now when I looK Back at tHEIR photos i cAn't HelP but wonder what was Actually going on.
Despite all The tROUbleS my grANdfather put my MeMA Through, She remained by his side UNTiL the veRY eND. tHE MOmENTS of feAr and VulneraBility sHAPed her into a woman of Wisom And Love. Her kindness may easily BE tAken for Granted, but it is quickly met By her fiRE.
My AuNtie DEbBie is The Older Sister. I tHINK sHE REmemberS MORE than my mom.
This is DeBBiE with my Auntie patsy. She was one of my grANDMotHER's THREe sisters. Her life was taken away far too quIckly because of hER aBusive Husband. I thINk About Her a Lot. I never met her but I know she played SOFTBALL and always had White LighTs on her Christmas Tree. My mOther Says she RemeMbERS HER aLWAYS BeING AroUND, AND AlWAYS lAUGHING. sHE dOesn't RemeMBer whAt her Voice Sounded LikE. SHE sayS shE doesn'T rEMEmber a Lot aBout Her becausE WE HAd TO sTOP TalKING ABOUT hER.
ThiS is ONE OF my Mother's Glamour shots from befOre She Met my Father. Her first HusBAND and hER father both passed awaY FROM CAncer in the same year. My brother was only little at the time. i NEver asked much About his daD becAuse I didn'T want to Upset ANyone. From what I do know, he diDN't fit the same traits as the previous men in the family.
if yoU ask my mom, i'm probABLY The only GOod thinG that Came out of her second Marriage. My mother and father were UNhAppy together for as long as I could remember, really. I always wished it was just the three of us without him. My Brother acts more like a father than he did anyway.
THE FIRST DaY Of my SophoMOre year oF hIGH sCHooL I came homE to my mom cryinG at the kiTchen TABLE. I AlreADY KNEW IT Was BECAusE my fAtheR cheATED on us. i wASN'T SaD BECAUSe I thoughT he wouLD GO Away. He was back a few days LatER sITTING ON THE cOUCH AND aSKed IF i WANTED A FRench Fry.
MY MoM UsED To SPEND SuNdAy MoRNINgS IN My roOM musiNG witH me ABOUT THE tHiNGS SHE WANtEd To DO oNCE ShE COULD work UP THE StreNGTH tO LeAVE. It WAS almost LiKE A BUckET lisT, BuT oF sMaLL MOmENTS tHAT NoRMAL PEoPLE HAvE alL the TIME. I remeMBER SHE SAID SHE WANTEd to listeN to BilLIe HoLiDay RECords WHiLE SHe Made US BreaKFAST iN ThE MornING. She cOUld hAVE DoNE THAT any MORNING, But THE ThoUgHT OF EVERYTHinG ALwayS SeEMed BETTER WiTHoUT Him.
ToXIC AND aBusive MEN hAve BeEN A Part oF my FAmily through multiple GenERAtions. They Are tO Blame foR BroKeN NOsES, BRusies, burns, AND MorE in AdDiTiON tO The loss of my aunt. I WAs THe YOUNGeST MemBeR OF my fAMily FOR the first twenty ONE yeArs of MY LiFe. Now that my YouNGeR cOusIns caleB and Ellie ARe arouND, I find MYself wONDeRiNg ABout how their relationships with our FaMily wiLl Be. I WONDer if thEy wILl LoOk at their Great gRANPAreNts relatioNshiP the samE WAY i Do. I WondeR if ELliE Will NoTice the PatTERN Of ABuse In OUR History AND Learn tO Be strOng for HER CHilDrEN, if she HAs Any. I hOpe thAt By beiNG Raised ArouND stRONg Women, CALEB WIlL Be one of the Men tHAt Breaks the PAtteRn oF ABuse if he stARtS a FaMiLy One day.
ŠLaura Mae Barboza 2019 lauramaebarboza.com After Roger was designed at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth, CVPA. Set in typeface Linden, designed by Laura Mae Barboza in 2019. Colophon set in Garamond, designed by Claude Garamond in 1530.