Freedom in Chaos

Freedom in chaos

Photo by Claire Mummert

CLAIRE MUMMERT

Sometimes, as a mother, I feel bogged down by the day to day.

I can't seem to get the house consistently clean (because let's be real that our little people are far less concerned with its cleanliness), which gives me a chaotic brain space that starts each day.

Then, I have to get the kids ready for school. I always thought this would be an easy thing but I was deeply mistaken. My kids typically sleep later than our school schedule allows, and waking up kiddos does not start our day off right. There are multiple tantrums about not wanting to go to school (especially this late in the year), not wanting to get dressed, and how brushing their teeth is the

worst. Then, when they finally arrive at the breakfast table, no one is hungry and one of my kiddos frequently decides they are no longer consuming whatever food has been prepared.

We get to school in the final moments of drop-off, and I breathe a sigh of relief that we made it. I take my smaller kiddos to preschool a few days a week, which is a forty-five minute drive. The one day a week that all the kids are in school and I have no weekly commitments, I am supposed to get three hours to myself. But that, oftentimes, is when I can do errands or go to the doctor or see my counselor.

Life is chaos.

I begin to think that what I really need is some time away. This is always the logical step for me. I need a vacation, I need to be alone, I need adult

time, I want out of this house, I need to travel, I am

restless. In fact, this weekend I get to stay overnight alone for my birthday, and I am deeply looking forward to it. But what if this isn't the answer?

While these times of relaxed space really give us time to recharge, they aren't the only ways for us to feel freedom from this crazy pace. I have begun to wonder how to grab onto freedom during the school year and how to reduce the frenetic pace of

life. The first thing we did was address Saturdays.

Why are we going and doing all day Saturday after a crazy week? Do we really need to go to every birthday party we are invited to? The answer is no. We started instituting Sabbath Saturday. This is a day where we are not allowed to plan anything. We do not leave the house typically (or, at least, not by car), we put all phones and electronics away, and we stay together. We set no alarms, but we also don't ask our kids to go back to bed when they wake up. We cook meals together, and we stay in the same room most of the time.

The very first Saturday we did this, we read books for over an hour just my husband, me, and our three kids. It was incredible! I had no idea that my

youngest, especially, could enjoy reading for that span of time.

We played outside in our backyard with no time limit or agenda. We said "yes" to mud, chalk, and pushing them on the swing for the 1000th time. We slowed life down. And, can I just tell you? It was the first time in months that we had zero tantrums all day. Zero. Every kiddo even took a nap! That day lives in infamy in my mind.

It felt like freedom.It felt like magic.

This idea that we could make ourselves slow down, that we could choose a different path felt so simple and yet revolutionary. My husband and I now plan out our time two months in advance to make sure we grab at least two Saturdays a month as Sabbath. They are not always as perfect as that first one by any means, but we are definitely on to

something. We are finding space to reduce chaos. We are grabbing that summer feeling in the middle of the school year.

But Saturdays are not enough.

Once I tasted this level of freedom, I needed more. I couldn't go back. The next step was changing our after-school routine. We used to go to the store or go home and do homework right away. I would do some dishes, get everyone a snack, and then start

working. I work remotely, and finding enough time to get it all done can be a challenge. There were tears over homework, kids wanting my attention, which always led to tantrums, and my husband coming home to chaos and a desperate need to have started making dinner ten minutes ago.

We needed a change.

I try to give us little moments of Sabbath after school as well. I strive to get all of my work done before I need to pick up the kiddos, and I save the small bits I might have left to do until after

bedtime. We only get two to three hours as a family after school, and I want to enjoy them. When we get home, we go straight to free play.

My oldest is curating a newspaper that is expected to circulate the neighborhood in the next few

weeks.

I leave out art supplies on folding tables and allow for muddy children, even if I feel like I'm having to bathe them way too often these days. But, as it turns out, they think that's fun, too.

There still have to be moments of homework, and I still occasionally have to work during those hours, but my family is more able to tolerate these moments when they are surrounded by more

freedom.

When my kids get to be kids for hours, they can be patient and more grown-up for a little bit. They can wait on dinner because their day has not been full of “just be patient” or “we can do that later.” Of

course, they need to learn patience, but a lot of that comes in play as well.

Dr. Purvis taught us a long time ago in an Empowered to Connect conference that kids learn so much better through play. If you role-play your problem areas, they can access that learning in hard times.

So give yourself permission to let your kids play! Give yourself permission to have some freedom. Give yourself permission to grab some of that summer feeling from 4:30 to 6:30 p.m. every day.

You don't have to go on vacation to find space from the daily chaos. You can find it right here, right now.

CLAIRE MUMMERT Claire Mummert is a wife and mom of three. She is an adventure lover, Harry Potteraficionado, polyglot, baker, reader, traveler, and condoner of awkardness. She is passionate about racial justice, adoptee rights, and theology. Currently, she works as a children's/youth minister in Katy, Texas and camps in her free time. Find Claire atOutsidetheExtraneous.com.

They go outside and swing, they play with playdough, they draw to their hearts' content.