I am blessed. Blessed to have such an amazing group of friends in my life. Many of us hop scotch through friends all through school (me included) and out grow the ones who just don’t fit in our life plan anymore – very much like boyfriends. See, we have the ones for all occasions, the ones we can rely on to give us advice, the ones who you KNOW will make you have a good night out, the ones that make you laugh, the ones who have ALL the gossip, the ones who stop you from doing stupid shit, the ones who’s wardrobe is open for the picking (this one is always me?) and then there are ones who you just click with instantly and your both sat there thinking (or saying drunk in a toilet cubicle) where have you been all my life?! But nothing is more assuring and supportive than having the ultimate girl gang. The ultimate girl gang checklist would include; making you feel more confident and feeling like you could take on the world together. Dreaming BIG, and your girls supporting and believing in you all the way and then there’s trust, now that’s a big one. Trusting that they wouldn’t snitch on you, or let you down and that you could always rely on them, 100%. And then of course there’s the humour, the memory making, the similar interests, the comparable opinions and then of course all the sassy clothes you can share in-between. It saddens me when people don’t have this network of girls like I do, as they are hard to come by. It’s like finding ‘the one’ in each and everyone of them or like family that you can hand pick yourself. But, if you don’t have your own girl gang then look to ‘The Average Girl’, we will always be supportive and here for you always, as girls, we need to unite!
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bullyingstatistics.org/nobullying.com/theguardian.com/wiki.org/youngstonewall.org.uk
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“You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores” – Now, thank you Ms Norbury from North Shore High, that is one of the truest things anyone has ever said. Why are we all against each other, it may feel good for a second when we throw abuse to other girls but it doesn’t change a thing. Now yes sometimes we do it out of spite because we may be jealous (as hard as that is to admit) and other times girls just point blank piss us off. But we have seriously got to stop hating and start appreciating! It helps when we start concentrating on ourselves instead of getting down about what other girls have and we don’t. The older I’ve got, I have learnt that we need embrace our looks and talents, because something that we might not want, there could be someone out there in the world desperately wishing for it. Or something that we disregard when we are younger, we are actually thankful for when we are older – we’ve all been there. I think the first step we all need to take is stopping the hatred we conquer up before we even know a person. The words ‘eh I hate her’ are slung around too easily. Now if we were all to make a list of people we ‘hate’ and then all take a step back and actually think of a valid reason to why we hate this person so much, we couldn’t. So stop hating! Who cares what they are doing, concentrate on yourself and your life goals because I am sure as hell that you won’t be hating on your own version of Regina George in ten years time. What a waste of time stressing over some girl you don’t even care about.
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No of course it is not all about sex, like any other serious relationship. When typing into Google the word ‘Lesbian’ you are inundated with copious amounts of questions about a lesbian’s sex life. Of course, many are interested as it something different and nor is it something we learn about at school in those cringey sex education classes. But I have found it is the same questions being asked, who’s the man in the relationship? How do you have sex? What actually is scissoring? Do you always use a dildo? Is it easier because you both know what women want? So, ok curiosity often gets the better of us and there are answers out there to these questions. But they are all different. Just like any heterosexual relationship. We cannot say that all straight couples enjoy sex in the missionary position for around ten minutes on a Wednesday night just after the latest episode of TOWIE has finished. Now what a presumption that is. Ok, I know what your thinking, sex is the only thing that perhaps makes it different, so we are naturally intrigued but that is not the main focus. Why do we not just see the couple for simply a couple without having all the sexual related questions popping up. By becoming educated on
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same sex relationships, it allows onlookers to engage in seeing the couple as a pair in love and who are happy. As many homosexual people say, they cannot help whom they fall in love with. They fall in love with their soul not necessarily their gender. Homosexual relationships are the same as heterosexual relationships, nothing different happens. We are not denied entry from a glitter fuelled world of rainbows and unicorns because we don’t know the ins and out of a lesbian sex life. Much like we don’t know the ins and outs of anyone’s bar our own (and maybe our best friends and the extremely loud next door neighbours). The everyday humdrum of life continues for the same sex couples as it does for straight couples. Each relationship is different in every way and we all have strategies on how to get through things together. So leave off with all the manic sex questions, why care if your not involved. This also relates to all the people who see the sexual side of a homosexual relationship and are disgusted by the thought. For those who screech the oh so stereotypical comment of ‘its not natural’. If you don’t like it, don’t think about it. Think about how happy two people make each other, then you might not be as sour. Words by Lauren Smith
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I’m normal. Incredibly normal. I left college doing a musical theatre diploma to work as barista, now assistant manager soon to be general manager at ‘Harris and Hoole’. I live with my girlfriend in a really cute flat and have a pet fish. My parents are divorced but I have a good relationship with all of my family and I don’t drink or smoke or do drugs… see, pretty normal. I knew for sure I was gay when I was 14 in year 8 at school. It was tough but I dealt with it, kids can be seriously mean at that age… but it could have been worse. I moved schools in year 10 to live with my dad and was very honest with my new friends as soon as I got there…no one was ‘out’ at that point. By the end of the day my whole class knew, by the end of the week the entire year knew, after two weeks both year 9 and 11 also knew! I had kids whispering ’she’s a lesbian’ in the hallways but then again, I was so I didn’t get too upset. I have a step sister in in the year below a step brother in the year above and my full brother in the year above him… we were pretty well know in school not ‘popular’ but popular among teachers and pupils ’social butterflies’ as it were. So my sexuality became a pretty favoured topic of conversation for a little while but that soon faded and I think gave some others the confidence to come out as soon after 5 people came out! When I was 16 I got my first job at a garden center in the coffee shop. There, I met my current girlfriend Kathy who was on tills, a weedy, purple haired, secret ginger, freckley thing with great boobs! I was WELL nervous! She wasn’t intimidating just a bit older with a scary Russian girlfriend who is younger than me might I add…but had tattoos. Anyway they broke up and I 15
got well in there! At the time my dad didn’t know, he had recently been baptized as a born again Christian along with my step mum who didn’t particularly like me anyway. But when they found out it was a whole other ball game, the arguments were the worst, I couldn’t stand it, things were awkward and and uncomfortable for a very long time, and in a way, still are. My dad is now incredibly into his faith, I understand it and I respect it but I can’t follow it. I moved out when I was 18 to live in this little one bed flat with Kathy, It did the job for 2 years and then we moved to a bigger one in the nicer part of town ... Me likey. So that’s the backstory... Now the interesting part, did I always know I was gay? Yes, since I was very young, too young some people would say but I couldn’t make sense of it when I was like 5. It wasn’t until I was 14 I fully knew I was gay, well, bi as I had a couple of boyfriends and yeah we had sex but I never actually enjoyed it. It wasn’t anything like being with a girl as I found girls to be better kissers too! When I was 16 I was sure I was a lesbian. I was comfortable, confident and proud. Those qualities enabled people around me to come out in the school and some ended up becoming good friends of mine! I have been to pride in Brighton a few times and I really have no issue with my sexuality anymore. I live in a very conservative area and some people stare or give me funny looks when they see Kathy and I holding hands or kiss in public...but I think meh let them! Now, that’s some advice I would give to anyone, you must be truly comfortable 16
in yourself to then be truly comfortable in your relationship! Haters gonna hate after all! I didn’t mention it earlier but a year after my parents got baptised... I did too! I was a bible basher (excuse the pun) I went to church every Sunday and went to a Christian youth festival and had loads of Christian friends and thought I had a pretty good middle class life. My parents split was difficult for me I had mummy issues and always wanted to impress my dad. I felt that getting baptised would stop the gayness as I knew if my dad found out he would be deeply disappointed in me because when believes in something he goes hard. It became too much for me lying to myself trying to be something I’m not. I just needed to be the loud outspoken totes hilar little Jewish lesbian that I am. So I did. I couldn’t be happier. I own my sexuality! So maybe my mum thinks it’s still a phase (bless her) and my dad and step mum can’t accept me but I still have long beautiful dark hair... Some super cool totally not tribal tattoos, a pretty hot girlfriend, a stunning flat and an alright job. I’m not complaining!
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My name is Hayley I’m 21 and I’ve been with my fiancée Katie for three years. We have lived together for 2 years and we also have a dog together. I “came out” when I was 18 to my parents and I found it very easy as I know my parents will always love me and never judge me for who or “what” I am. I struggled to tell my younger brother as all his school life he has been bullied for his height and I didn’t want to add another reason for the bullies to victimise him. Once I decided the time was right to tell him I sat him down and explained what was happening and he didn’t care. His only told a few of his closest friends, which I’m ok with. If Katie and me pick him up from school he just says we are friends and we are happy to go along with that if it keeps him safe and happy. When I came out to all my friends and family I was very lucky that they all accepted me for who I am. It’s not the easiest thing to do in the world and I know many people who struggle. If you do find it a struggle, firstly I would gather the people who you want to tell and ask them their opinion on LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) and if you feel comfortable and happy they will understand, then I would say go ahead and do it! Don’t worry, if they are your true friends and family then they will love you no matter what happens. Everyone’s story is different and everyone will do it in their own way and in their own time. In my personal opinion people who don’t understand LGBT live in a box. The community has been around 19
for years and it’s like people turn a blind eye to it and don’t want to acknowledge about. We are not like a rash, thinking if you try and ignore us for long enough we will go away. The LGBT community is growing even bigger and getting stronger by the day. In regards to the whole “you will grow out of it” period like many people do, I had it all the time when I first got with my girlfriend “ahh it’s only a phase”, “your only experimenting”, “it will be over soon and you will be back to boys”, everyone of them statements used to hurt me. It felt like no one cared about my feelings and what I wanted to do with my life. It eventually got to a point where I didn’t care what people thought and I couldn’t be happier than what I am now with Katie. So next time you say to a lesbian or a gay man that they are going through a phase think about their feelings. They are still humans at the end of the day; even us ‘gays’ have feelings to. I don’t think there is any difference between a heterosexual relationship and a same sex relationship. I have never seen a issue with it as long as the two people involved love each other and make each other happy until the day they die, then there’s no problem in anyway shape or form. The percentage of divorce is actually higher in a heterosexual marriage than there is in a civil 20
partnership. Maybe because there is such a struggle before hand to do something that is so normal, that makes homosexual relationships stronger then some heterosexual relationships out there. I feel like when I mention the fact that I am in a same sex relationship people start treading on eggshells and are to scared to slip up. When people try and ask questions it’s like the cat gets hold of there tongue and can’t come out with the question. Why? We go through the same relationship problems as all the straight folk out there! One thing that does grind my gears is when your filling out a job application and they need to know weather you are straight, gay, bisexual or transsexual – why should it make a difference? We can do the same work as a “normal person”. If I had the chance to have a one to one conversation with some one who is anti-LGBT I would want to know what their issues are, what makes us so different to you? It’s not us that segregate ourselves. What have we actually done so wrong to be treated so differently? You can’t help whom you fall in love with. Being a lesbian has been the best 3 years of my life and I would never change a single thing about it. I’m A Lesbian And I’m Proud.
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Janelle describes herself as ‘nothing too exciting really’. The university student is 21 and currently living in Wolverhampton. We asked Janelle to lift the lid on her own personal experiences of being a young bisexual woman living in Britain and what she thinks of it… How would you describe your sexual preference ? Definitely bisexual. Not greedy or undecided or any of that bullshit haha. I’m the B in LGBTQ. Have you always known you were a lesbian / bisexual? When did this happen for you? I didn’t even know what sexuality was when I was running around the playground chasing the girls in kiss chase, and I definitely didn’t understand why it was “wrong” when I chased the girls but perfectly fine when I chased the boys. So I guess yeah, I’ve always known I’ve been bisexual but I didn’t actually know what it was until around 14 or 15 years old. Do you think it has it made it a difference in your life? It was definitely eye opening during those amazing years of puberty, haha, but now as an adult it’s not so much of a big deal. I still get the shock factor though, no one ever “expects” me to be interested in girls, which always makes me laugh because what a way to stereotype someone, right?
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Have you ever been judged for your sexual preferences? Yes all the time. I get called easy, greedy, a home wrecker, all sorts of things. Even though I’m definitely none of the above, it doesn’t really bother me. Small-minded people are assholes and that’s kind of all there is to it. What do you think about stereotyping lesbians? Well I think stereotyping is stupid but I guess it’s kind of unavoidable sometimes. We’re programmed to make a judgement as soon as we lay eyes on someone so there’s not a lot that can be done about it. What do you think about stereotyping young women in general? These days most women are either stereotyped as slags, uptight bitches or gay and there is no in between. The patriarchal society that we live in does nothing but shed in a negative light no matter what we do, so I just get on with it. Young women are all capable of being smart, talented and attractive individuals, but no one - men - like to take the time to listen to us. There’s always some competition or some “battle of the sexes” bullshit that men concoct to point out all the ways that they’re apparently better than us, and then when we do something great they will have to prove that they’re better at it than us. It’s literally idiocy. But again, stereotypes are stupid and we should 24
probably be less judgmental. Probably. What do you think of the abuse some people get for being LGBT? I think it’s disgusting. Point blank. I don’t see how loving someone, regardless of his or her gender, is anyone else’s business to be honest. It doesn’t make that person any different or of any less value. The world is too afraid of things they don’t understand, and instead of trying to learn why the spider has 8 eight legs and so many eyes and why the hell it can move so fast, they just kill it; because it’s disgusting and they don’t want it near them. That’s a terrible metaphor haha, but do you see my point? Just because we’re different it doesn’t mean that we’re worth any less. What or how do you think we can change some peoples negative thoughts on LGBT? Well same-sex marriage is now legal in the UK and gay pride is sweeping the entire world so I don’t think there’s much more we can do. We’ve survived so much over the decades of abuse, both political and social, and we’re still here. Whether we’re your sister, uncle, brother, aunty or best friend, there’s nothing wrong with us and we’re not going anywhere. Some people are gay, get over it.
The channel 4 programme which aired in March 2015, followed the lives of five LGBT teens in Britain. It shows the trails and tribulations of everyday life for these youngsters, such as the challenges they face when coming out to peers and family members, as well as preparing themselves for adult hood. Throughout the entire programme, I was inundated with questions: why can’t they be whom they want? Why are they dismissed because of their sexuality? Why are they made to feel uncomfortable in their own skin? Surely this is a human right. I instantly become very confused and sadden to the fact that homosexuals were treated so unfairly because of their preferred sexuality compared to heterosexuals – does it really make that much of a difference? No. All the teens in the programme explained they were simply born this way having no choice in their sexuality, as many knew from a young age they were LGBT. Coming out at a young age, is incredibly brave but also makes them an instant target for abuse. All the adolescents featured, described how they all received hate filled abuse at some point, including, verbal, physical and emotional abuse. It questions my faith in humanity – why do we show so much hatred because something is different to us? It became very common that many youngsters have anger issues due to them being angry with themselves because of the confusion they feel. This later leads to LGBT teens isolating themselves 26
in order to keep a low profile and avoid bullies. Not only do these teens feel the need to isolate themselves but also other members of society and peers purposely do this by making them feel hostile and intimidated. Many find it hard to come out at such a young age, as they get frustrated with not being taken seriously. It is incredibly common for family and friends to betray teens after finding out they are homosexual. Not only do they risk loosing their family support system, they are at high risk of committing suicide as well as facing judgement and abuse in day-to-day tasks, that we so unconsciously do without hesitation. One of the teens simply said “all we want is a sense of belong and too not be judged. We all know how it feels, so we don’t judge people ourselves. If you went through it you would be able to relate to us”. We need too all simply support one another and build each other confidence so we all become comfortable with who we are. Society has got this label against people being gay, but why can’t they just accept homosexuality and let people live their lives? Why because of their sexual preference should they have to feel worthless, disrespected, ignored and hated? Sexuality is only a small fragment to a person, and it should not define a person or a community. Words by Lauren Smith 27
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When I was school all the girls that came out as lesbians or bisexuals were instantly labelled greedy and attention seekers. Then I got a bit older and more people started coming out or well, experimenting I guess. There were girls who would just be kissing other girls in clubs to get a boys attention. It was ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ because they were re-enacting (or so they thought) something out of a lesbian porn movie. Now, you can’t just pretend to be a lesbian to get a boys interest or because it’s ‘trendy’ to like girls after watching numerous MTV awards and music videos. Now why would you want to be something you are not all for the sake of someone else? Many people who become ‘gay’ for a short period time, or simply because it is the new flavour of the month, may not understand the pain that some people go through when coming out as homosexual. Before expressing oneself or throwing the word ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’ around, remember that there is a real community that you may be offending. Experimenting is one thing but be clear and concise about you are and who you intend to be.
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Your sexual orientation should not define you as a person either, being a lesbian or bisexual is simply something about you, not who you are. Similar to defining someone based on his or her race or religion. So embrace your sexuality in partnership with all your other qualities! The Average Girl is all for expressing your freedom and being who you want to be and who you want to be with. But you need to be true to yourself. You must feel comfortable in your own skin and not feel pressure to do something you are not 100% sure on. By knowing what you want – don’t worry, we eventually all get there – you gain an ooze of confidence when you are happy and content to be yourself for you and for other people. Whatever your preference is, your sexuality will always be on fleek if you are you! Words by Lauren Smith
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photography: Sarah Clark
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