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Attorneys, Life Events and Stress: Causes and Palliatives [Jamie Barnes] Understanding the stressful events of your life can help put things into perspective. While stress often aversely affects your career, preparing for stress can make your work situation much easier.
Highly motivated and achievement-oriented
In the past 100 years or less, the concept
a combination of best friend, lover and soul
attorneys typically fail to recognize stress for
of ‘Happiness’ has been moved from the
mate; but you run the risk that your signifi-
what it is. Pumped with self confidence, they
spiritual realm and placed in an earthly
cant other may change once the wedding
greet each new day optimistically. But stress
context. Generally speaking, the political and
ceremony is over, and not change for the
exists. It is the uninvited guest often sitting
academic left believe that happiness rests
better. There is sickness as well as health in
unnoticed in the corner. The purpose of this
within systems of thought and behavior and
your future when you tie your life to another.
article is to point out some of the stressful
is not necessarily within the purview of indi-
You will have to learn to take some one else’s
events that can affect any attorney’s life. The
vidual control: one must change the system
wishes into consideration and moderate or
goal is to give you a better understanding of
and the individual’s response to the system
give up certain habits. You will exchange con-
how stress has the power to influence every-
to achieve happiness for everyone. A compet-
siderable personal freedom and autonomy
thing you and your compatriots do.
ing view, prevalent among theorists on the
for the enduring pleasure of companionship,
right, states that happiness is an individual
love and emotional support from another.
Stress attacks one’s mental equilibrium as
matter negotiated by the individual with his
The stress inherent in any such arrangement
well as one’s physical self. It is worth noting
or her environment and is the individual’s
is the fear of rupture and the need to begin
that stress can be caused by sameness as
responsibility. This article adopts the more
the mate-seeking process again.
well as by change. Sameness is stressful
conservative interpretation and thus will
because it can be seen as a jail of the mind in
ignore the inherent problems of systems and
which no hope of positive change or stimula-
deal only with individual life events and how
tion is possible. Change, on the other hand,
they impact the individual attorney’s sense of
requires the forming of new patterns and
well-being. We’ll start with work itself.
reactions, thereby threatening the comfortable sameness and predictability of routines.
The Birth of Children We may be fortunate enough to be supported by parents until we’re through high school. Eventually, we take a spouse and stop our parental dependency although we may continue to seek their love and approval. Children raise the stakes considerably. One can divorce one’s spouse but divorcing one’s children is usually not an option. They are at minimum an 18-year if not a life-time commitment. For middle class parents, children
Built into all of this is the notion of happiness
A New Job You may join a law firm right out of law school and stay with it until you retire or die, but the likelihood is that you will change jobs at least once and probably more. In doing so, you place yourself at risk. Even if you are giddy with the prospect of a raise and new chal-
can become progressively expensive the
here on earth and how it can be achieved.
lenges, part of you recognizes that you might
older they get. In addition, they continue to
Earthly happiness is a relatively recent
run into a powerful partner who doesn’t like
change as they mature, and each change re-
invention. Religions such as Christianity and
you, co-attorneys who undermine you, and a
quires adjustment on the part of parents and
Islam promise happiness only beyond the
support staff which keeps information from
between parents. For high achievers who in-
grave, implying that lasting happiness is
you. Until you learn to be comfortable in
vest almost their total being into their work,
not available here on earth, that a Platonian
your new environment, you will be operating
attending a child’s soccer game, for instance,
ideal life exists outside and beyond ordinary
under a high degree of stress.
is a no-win situation. Go to the game and you
Change in almost any aspect of your environment will require you to alter your normal responses, and there will always be a part of you that resents such an imposition.
existence. Part of the enduring popularity of religion can be traced to its offer of future happiness to individuals who find their lives brutish, sad and ultimately meaningless.
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miss work. Miss the game and disappoint
Marriage Again, you may be giddy with the prospect of a happy ever-after life with some one who is
your child. Either way, you experience stress.
A Home and Mortgage
continued on back
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Ask most attorneys if they find a home
works and loving care can help alleviate the
functions becomes an effort. What happens to
mortgage stressful and they will shrug and
stress of sickness but can never eliminate it.
cause a high achiever to reach a point in which
tell you they don’t think about it. A mortgage
functioning professionally becomes so difficult? Here is one explanation: We construct
presupposes earning a salary continually until
Remarriage and Blended Families We re-establish bonds of trust when we
it is paid off. The mortgage itself represents
remarry, but there are landmines ahead. Chil-
identities are similar to belief systems. They
only a base level of stress. Sooner or later,
dren’s loyalties to the parent left behind mean
explain our lives to us and feed us myths
roofs, carpeting and pipes need upgrading
they are not going to automatically accept us.
about ourselves that give comfort and often
or replacement; electrical systems must be
There are ex husbands and wives in the mix.
a sense of invulnerability to any problems
updated; exterior and interior painted, steps
In addition, there is often a type of emotional
life creates. When something challenges this
repaired. There’s insurance. Water, electric
hubris involved, the belief that “This time, I’ve
belief system -heavy and prolonged criticism,
and gas bills. A good question might be: How
got it right.” Beneath the surface rests the
for instance, either from home or in the office,
does anyone manage to keep a high paying
fear that one is fooling one’s self.
or any of the events already discussed such
lasts anywhere from 15- to 30 years, and it
identities so as to tell us who we are. These
as being passed over, divorce, the death of
job while dealing with a spouse, children and
Death of Parents When parents die we are orphaned. Often, a
parents, etc.-we first deny the challenge to
parent is the only one who will tolerate our
keeps piling up that indicates our identity
Divorce When a marriage dissolves, lines of trust
endless talk of our selves. When parents die,
construct is flawed, we suffer burn-out, or the
our own mortality is suddenly put in play. We
inability to keep doing what we were doing.
established over time get breached. We are
lose a sounding board and we lose uncondi-
thrown seemingly loveless and abandoned
tional love.
a house, all of them generating stress along with emotional sustenance?
Burn-out is accompanied by great sadness and a sense of hopelessness. Physicians usu-
into a world more often than not indifferent to our pain. If children are involved, there are
our chosen identity and then, when evidence
issues of visitation and separation. We may
Being Passed Over At Work or Fired This happens to almost everyone but for some
have to find new living quarters and buy new
it happens sooner rather than later. Worse
ally prescribe rest and time off from work. Psychiatric help and drugs such as Prozac are frequently prescribed. Most individuals suffering burn-out end up returning to work, but in
furniture. The sense of rejection and failure
is the shame one feels not measuring up to
is palpable. At work, we can seem either
some one else’s expectations. Others either
asocial or overly emotional. A little of us gets
pity us or believe we deserve what we got. We
left behind in the former relationship. We are
are confronted with our own limitations and
angry at our ‘ex and angry with ourselves. This
the fact that others are regarded more favor-
is not the subtle, underlying stress of a mort-
ably. Our first tendency is to blame others. For
gage. This stress is out in the open, corrosive,
attorneys, most of them high achievers since
the kind that often elicits intervention from
grade school, being passed over or fired does
bosses, psychologists and others.
not fit the life script. But adjust we must. Not
Mid-life Crisis This period of life, especially for the male,
a sense, damage has been done. The fragility of one’s own ego has been faced. Personal limitations are accepted. The mourning for the prior identity construct ends, and the self is remade.
everyone can become a partner. Not everyone
has been trivialized and frequently made fun
Sickness The threat of something going wrong with the
can survive job cuts.
of in the media. It calls to mind men wearing
body or the mind is with us always. Sickness can be predicted when, for example, one eats
Burn-out Some individuals can be saddled with hor-
or smokes or drinks too much over a long
rendous personal problems and never suffer
period. Most of the time, however, sickness
burn out while others go to pieces unexpect-
cannot be predicted. It acts as a destabilizing,
edly, seemingly without warning. ‘Burn out’ in
painful, random event entering our lives to
medical terms is called a nervous breakdown.
threaten our livelihoods and potentially our
Each of us possesses a specific tolerance
very existence. Mental illness or its lesser
to stress and no two people are necessarily
corollary, neurotic behavior, can arise any
alike. When an attorney suffers burn-out, joy
time depending on the stress level an indi-
and satisfaction can no longer be found in
vidual attorney is experiencing. Support net-
work. In fact, just performing daily boilerplate
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retro Hawaiian shirts unbuttoned to the navel sporting ear rings, toupees, face lifts and other obvious attempts to appear youthful. The perceived advantage of youth is partly its sense of freedom, irresponsibility and a life that is new and still unexplored. Mid-life becomes crisis when the individual recognizes signs of aging, which fuels the desire to cheat destiny and gain more time for one’s self on earth. Also present is the sense that striving and hard work have not produced contentment. Existential angst takes over. Returning to an idealized youth is preferred to staying in
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CAREER COUNSELOR’S CORNER
place or inching closer to old age, death and oblivion.
Some Conclusions The trick to a reasonably stress-free life is stripping one’s identity of myth and pretension, but this is easier said than done. The process of ‘self’ building takes place over a life time. It takes a certain maturity to be able to look back and see where one’s view of the world has been faulty and led to bad decisions. Mid life is typically when this process begins in earnest. The first task of stress reduction has to do with recognizing where one fails to see the world realistically. The second part -the harder one-is to change. For most people, this is not possible. Ideally, we should always be introspective about our selves, taking clues from those around us, and asking from time to time what others think. Humility goes a long way in handling stress. If we do not set artificially high expectations for our selves we are less likely to be disappointed. Disappointment breeds stress. So does being highly critical of ourselves and others. Moderation is the name of the game here. Stay within your means financially and present a low-key version of yourself as human and vulnerable. Do all of this and you won’t eliminate stress from your life but you will go a long way to minimizing its potential damage.
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