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The Pursuit of Happiness

It’s a univers al, fundament al truth: We all just want to be happy. And scientists say we’re much closer to it than we may think . Overcome these six common barriers to lighten up your hear t and mind.

TEXT BY KELLY DINARDO

H A P P I N E S S I S O U R H O LY G R A I L and ou r measu re of a l i fe wel l l ived— not to mention the topic of countless books, TED Ta l ks, a nd apps. But what exa ly are we searching for? Scientit s devoted to answeri ng that quet ion defi ne happy people as those who have a positive tempera ment, socia l con fidants, and the resources to make prog ress towa rd the goa ls they value. Put plainly, “it’s the joy we feel as we move towa rd ou r potential,” says Michelle Gielan, the author of Broadcat ing Happiness (BenBella Books, 2015) and founder of the Int itute for Applied Positive Research, in Da llas.

The good news is we’re genera l ly c ontent a s a c ou nt r y, but there’s room to grow. In the 2018 United Nations World Happiness Repor t, wh ich a sked people i n more than 150 countries to assess their life on a scale of 1 to 10 (based on markers like life expe ancy, GDP, and social support), America n s rated t hei r l ive s at a nottoo-shabby 6.8. But that’s nearly a p oi nt b eh i nd t he top t h re e— Finland, Norway, and Denmark— which rated theirs over 7.5. (PSA: No one, not even Norwegians, can m a i nt a i n a 10; t h at wou ld b e ex h au s t i n g!) Ac c ord i n g to experts, there are clear obt acles in our way of feeling deeper f ulfillment every day. Learn how to surmount them.

1

Happiness Hurdle:

O u r p r i m a l b r a i n

There’s a little thing called the negativity bias. Thousands of yea rs ago, it gave hu ma n s an advantage: We were ever- ready to dodge life-and-death danger. Now it means we’re hardwired to notice and tore negative experiences more tha n positive ones. A si ngle critical comment can knock the w i nd out of a n other w ise great day.

How to Clear It:

L o o k fo r b r i g h t s p o t s

Pausing for a minute to appreciate someth i ng sweet or beautiful helps us override the negativity bias. To get in the habit, Gielan suggets taking a photo each day of someth i ng that ma kes you sm i le and laugh, or feel lucky and loving: your sleeping child, an incredible meal, a pink sunset, you r f u n n iet old friend. Then, at the end of the week, look at them again all together. Doing so “trains your brain to watch for moments to capture,” Gielan writes in Broadcating Happiness. “It refocuses your attention on the positive, mean- ingful parts of the day, and shifts it away from tress and negativity.” Soon you won’t even need to snap pi ures to feel that pleasant sensation.

2

Happiness Hurdle:

G o i n g i t a l o n e

Isolati ng you rsel f is a su re- fire way to feel down. The happiet people have rich and satisf y i ng relation sh ips, according to 2002 and 2018 tudies by Martin Seligman, Ph.D., a professor and director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania; and Ed Diener, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the University of Virginia and the University of Utah. W h i le it’s a bit of a ch ickena nd-egg conu nd r u m (do joyf ul people naturally invite more meaningful bonds, or v ice versa?), a t rong socia l network is a win-win.

How to Clear It:

Re a c h o u t

That doesn’t mean you have to cram your calendar full. An easy tarting point is to try opening conversations with an optimitic comment, a tactic Gielan calls a “power lead.” Greet a coworker with “I jut l i tened to a g reat podca t” i n tead of “I’m so ti red,” or ask your kids, “What was the bet pa rt of you r day?” rather than the rote “How was your day?” The shift is subtle but ca n foter a n i m med iate positive con ne ion.

3

Happiness Hurdle:

L i v i n g i n 2 02 1

The ring. The raise. The lat seven pounds. We can all fall into the trap of thinking we’ll be happy the m i nute X, Y, or Z happen s. “The problem is that this pushes happiness into the future,” Gielan says. “W hen you focus i n the present i n tead, you get you r brain to concentrate on what is working in your life.”

How to Clear It:

S tay i n t h e m o m e n t

The idea of centering yourself is at the core of mindfulness med itation, wh ich has been shown to increase a ivity i n the lef t pa rt of the fronta l region of the brain, the area reponsible for positive emotions like optimism. Ralph De La Rosa, a therapit and mediation teacher, and author of The Monkey Is the Messenger (Shambhala, 2018), suggets waking up with a “5-3-1-1” pra ice. W h i le t i l l i n bed, take five big, deep breaths. Th i n k of th ree th i ngs you’re grateful for. Smile one real sm i le, a nd set one i ntention for your day. Habits like this pay big dividends. Not only can being more present give you a sunnier outlook, Gielan says, it also may help improve your energ y level and your performance at work; it’s even been shown to up t udents’ tet scores. The other bonus m ight be the world’s betkept career secret: When you zero in on the good happening now, Gielan notes, you’re more likely to excel.

4

Happiness Hurdle:

T h e s o c i a l - m e d i a vo r tex

“Compare and depair” is no joke. It’s easy to look up from a long scrol l th i n k i ng that ever yone’s l i fe is a pa rt y but yours. We don’t need experts to tell us this habit is eroding ou r sel f-esteem, though a 2014 t udy publ ished i n Psycholog y of Popular Media Culture proved jut that. Newer resea rch has pi npoi nted jut how detru ive it can be. A 2017 t udy publ ished i n Journal of Affe ive Disorders fou nd that the more ti me 18-to-22-yea r-olds pent on social media, the more likely they were to have symptoms of anxiety.

How to Clear It:

Powe r d ow n , a l re a d y

Set aside ti me da i ly to d isconne . Start with small i ncrements; even 10 m i nutes cou nts. Then work up to being phone-free for the firt half-hour of the morning, at meals, and during the lat hour before bed, since both your phone’s lighting and its irresis- tible pull detra from quality sleep—a mu t-have for combati ng a n xiet y a nd t ress.