Bedtime All-Stars

The key to extricating yourself from their bedroom is to make gradual shifts.

W hen Your Kid Needs You in the Room

It’s one of the most common sleep problems parents report: a child who goes down like a dream ... as long as a parent is within arm’s reach. But if you try to leave the room before they’re in a deep slumber, all hell breaks loose: wailing, clutching, and a total reset on the fallingasleep process. Emilie Caro, a certified pediatric sleep consultant and founder of Emilie Caro Sleep in New York City, is a fan of gradually phasing out a parent’s presence with a four-step plan.

1 As counterintuitive as it may sound, start by sleeping in your kid’s room for a few days, but make your presence as boring as possible. “Giving attention to your child, even if it’s negative attention, will encourage them to repeat the behavior,” Caro says. “Don’t engage with your kid when they should be sleeping.” For the first few days, simply return your little one to bed any time they wake up. Your proximity “gets them in the habit of sleeping through the night in their bed,” she says.

2 Then shift to sitting on a chair near your child’s door for a few days, during bedtime and any middle-ofthe-night wakings.

3 Finally, remove yourself from the room entirely. By Day 10, Caro’s clients typically see a “huge improvement.”

4 Caro recommends prioritizing ten minutes of one-on-one time during the day. “It seems like such a small thing, but it can make a huge difference to have that special time when you listen to your child without distractions,” she says. And it fills their “attention cup” at the time they should be getting attention: during the day.

bottle with water and labeling it “monster repellent” to spritz scary spaces, such as under the bed or in the closet. But beware of letting your kid join you in bed for the rest of the night; it may send a message that there is indeed something to fear in their bedroom.

Night terrors are something else entirely. They’re part of a class of sleep disorders called parasomnias and happen during the first few hours of sleep. During a night terror, your child is partially roused from deep slumber but not fully awake, making the whole episode that much scarier for you to witness. Rather than wa king your kid (which may be downright impossible), focus on keeping them safe until the episode passes. Night terrors tend to taper off in early childhood, but if your child experiences them regularly, talk to their pediatrician.

P R O B L E M

Many a parent wakes to find themselves face-to-face with a sweaty, pint-size mouth breather hogging the covers. If these nighttime visits don’t bother you and everyone is sleeping well, you don’t necessarily have to do anything. But if your morning coffee can’t even put a dent in your exhaustion—or you’re just tired of getting kicked in the face—it’s time to take action. S O L U T I O N Try to get to the bottom of why your kid is craving nighttime closeness in the first place. Are they too hot or too cold? Are outside noises or nightmares to blame? For toddlers and preschoolers, the problem might be that they connect falling back to sleep with your presence, says Parents advisor Judith Owens, M.D., director of sleep medicine at Boston Children’s Hospital and professor of neurology at Harvard Medical School. “All people wake up a bit in the middle of the night, including young children. When the child wakes up, sometimes they seek the parent out because the parent was there when they fell asleep.”

In that case , you need to break your

kid’s association between sleep and parent(s). The next time they crawl into your bed, gently wake them, take them to their bed, and say good night. Then rinse and repeat, as many times as necessary. However, if you don’t always wake up when your kid climbs into your bed, take a page from Margarita Stura, who lives in Detroit with her two young kids. She hung bells on her bedroom door handle so the jangle would wake her when her daughter walked in and she could patiently redirect her.

With some kids, separation anxiety can be the factor driving them into your bed for comfort, Dr. Owens says. In that case, the best solution can be making sure to pack in lots of daytime fun and couch cuddles and talking about what’s really bothering them, well before bedtime.

P R O B L E M

Then, “Be firm and say out loud: ‘I think your tummy is hurting because it’s tired,’ ” Dr. Chen says. “You want to make the association in a positive light, that this is what your body does when it needs to sleep, not when it doesn’t want to sleep.”

P R O B L E M

You’ve got a rooster on your hands, otherwise known as a kid who regularly

Just as they climb into bed, they suddenly remember there’s a tiny itch in the back of their throat that’s irksome. Or the tag on their pajamas feels especially tickly. Or that scrape on their knee is now, without warning, intensely painful. Or the room is too hot. Or any number of other just-in-time aches or issues. S O L U T I O N “This is a hard one,” says Parents advisor Maida Chen, M.D., director of the Pediatric Sleep Disorders Center at Seattle Children’s Hospital. You don’t want to dismiss your child’s ailments outright, but you also don’t want to be so indulgent that bedtime is a multihour affair. Strike a balance by offering one simple solution (a glass of water for that throat tickle, say, or cutting out the tag on those pajamas). wakes at the crack of dawn, seemingly for no reason at all. For some kids, a too-early or, paradoxically, too-late bedtime could be what’s rousing them before sunrise. But the cold, hard truth is that some kids are just born morning people. You’ve heard adults call themselves a night owl or an early bird, naturally seeming to stay up late or wake with the sun. The same can be true for kids, too, Dr. Chen says. “Some children are biologically night owls, and they tend to struggle with bedtimes because they don’t feel the urge to sleep at conventional hours.” S O L U T I O N To figure out if you’re fighting your kid’s natural sleep patterns, Dr. Chen recommends thinking back to the holiday breaks or when we were deep in pandemic lockdown and didn’t have to rush around as much in the mornings. When did your kid tend to naturally fall asleep and awaken each day? You could also take it a step further and—say, during a long weekend—follow their sleepiness cues rather than the clock for a few days. If your little one consistently seems to conk out early (or happily stays up late), why not take that natural rhythm into account moving forward? Maybe bedtime can be later or wake-up times for the rest of the family can be adjusted somewhat. But if you’re not battling a night owl or a morning lark, another factor could be at play: As kids get older, their sleep schedules change. Three naps drop to two and two to one, and bedtime changes to match. “As your child drops a nap, you’ll need to move bedtime up earlier to prevent them from becoming overtired as their body adjusts to the new schedule,” says Murray. If your little one seems alert and content at bedtime, try moving it 15 minutes later and see what happens; if they ’re wired and overtired, ma ke bedtime 15 minutes earlier. Your child should be able to fa ll asleep within 15 minutes if the timing is right.

Many older kids also respond well to a color-coded alarm clock that lets them know when it’s okay to wake up (green) and when to keep snoozing (red). It helps them feel more aware and in control, and helps you stay better rested.

KIDS’ SLEEP AWARDS

2022

Now that you’ve got the strategies, set the stage for sleep success with a few brilliant bedroom upgrades. From blackout curtains to a genius alarm clock, these tried-and-tested winners may just be your family’s ticket to dreamland.

by K A R E N C I C E R O , J E S S I C A H A R T S H O R N , and R E B E C C A R A K O W I T Z / photographs by P E T E R A R D I T O

When choosing bedding, go for a breathable fabric such as lightweight cotton so your child doesn’t overheat during the night.

B E S T C A L M I N G L O T I O N

Take evening moisturizing up a notch with Hello Bello Sleep Sweet Nighttime Lotion. Made with chamomile and elderflower, the scent nudges young night owls to bed. One mom said it had all the hallmarks of a great night lotion: “It smells nice, has a thick texture, and dries quickly.” $7 for 8.5 fl. oz.; hellobello.com

B E S T A I R P U R I F I E R

Trapping viruses, bacteria, and allergens that can cause sleep-robbing stuffy noses, air cleaners have become a hot item since the pandemic. Testers said the Cuisinart Countertop HEPA Air Purifier was less noisy and more attractive than other models. Plus, it can double as a night-light. $200; cuisinart.com

Best Sheets

While kids zeroed in on the cool designs on Garnet Hill Kids’ Bedding—one pattern even glows in the dark—parents raved about the quality of this line. The fitted sheet, especially, drew praise for being roomy enough to easily cover the mattress and mattress pad, avoiding those dreaded middle-of-the-night pop-offs. Starting at $29; garnethill.com

B E S T S O OTH I N G D E VI C E

For nights when you can’t read “one more story” or your child needs some solo time, let My Little Morphée take the reins. One mom loved that the guided meditation device allows her son to do his own wind-down routine. “I tell him it’s the last meditation, and he goes to bed.” Ages 3 to 8, $100; us.morphee.co

B E S T D O O R A L A R M

Consider the Toddlermonitor if you have a sleepwalker (one of the device’s inventors had a kid who wandered outside at night). “Great for giving bathroom access to a child who still needs supervision,” a tester told us. Charge it via USB, then pair the device to your phone using the Toddlermonitor app so it sends you an alert if their door opens. $90; toddlermonitor.com

B E S T A L A R M C L O C K

The Hatch Rest+ is an excellent teaching tool. Set a “time to rise” light color so your kid knows that when it glows, say, green at 7 A.M., it’s okay to get up. Soon they’ll start to associate clock numbers with sleep and wake times too. It’s also a two-way audio monitor that lets you hear what’s going on in there, and it has a backup battery in case of a power outage. $90; hatch.co/rest-plus