A single, high-impact beauty step can trans- form your routine

But below the surface, something is missing.They struggle to uncoverwhat could give them fulfillment. Some get frustrated that they can’t figure outwhat theywant on their own. Others feel guilty. By the time they meet me, many need tissues during our first session.

When I opened my practice, I didn’t know how to help thesewomen.The usualweapons in a coach’s arsenal— creating avision, making a plan, setting goals, and staying accountable—didn’t apply.After all, how canyou set goals for an unknown objective?

I wasstumped.

Itwas unbearable to see such bright, thoughtfulwomen feel torn up. So I stalled by persuading those early clients to take a short break from trying to figure out an end goal and instead do something pleasurable.We stumbled upon a strategy that not onlyworked to cheer them up but also helped them find meaning and purpose. Distilling their steps into an analogy, I discoveredwhat I call the Lighthouse Method. Ifyouwant to make a life change but have no ideawhat it should be, think of that change as a lighthouse far away.You know neitherwhat the lighthouse looks like nor its location.You can only see its dim, distant light.To reach it,you need to step offshore, pointyour boat in the direction of the light, and row.

Described thisway, the Lighthouse Method seems logical, but it’s not the approach most of us take.We default toplanningbeforedoing.Ifyouwanttoget goodgrades, loseweight, or find a new job,you set a goal and plan of attack. But ifyou don’t knowwhatyouwant to achieve, making a plan is like driving to an unknown destination. Talentedwomenwith perfectionist tendencies especially will search for the perfect plan before taking action, in order to avoid missteps.And this iswhy so many get stuck. Ifyou feel unsatisfied but can’t quite pinpointwhatyou want—inyour career,your home life, oryour free time— use these steps to draw the map toyour own lighthouse.

TAKE THE SCENIC ROUTE

TO STARTTHE LIGHTHOUSE METHOD, youneed to get inyour boat and pick a direction.The best way to begin is to do something purely enjoyable. Many busywomen, likeValerie, find this challenging. “ThoughIhadwantedtosewmyselfaskirtforawhile and even purchased the pattern and fabric, it felt incredibly indulgent,wildlywrong, and frivolous,” she said of her first activity. “But after a half hour, I found myself in a mental state of just doing. I lost track of time. I loved it.”

Most of us tightly bind our identities to our career, unknowingly deemphasizing other aspects of our lives.We bifurcate the spheres of “work” and “leisure,” believing thatwork can’t beamusingandleisure can’tbearduous.Yetdoing pleasurable things is critical. It not only makesyou happier but helpsyou identifywhat givesyou “flow,” a term coined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, professor of psychology and management at Claremont Graduate University, to describe the revitalizing sensationyou get asyou become completely absorbed in a task.

Onceyou add gratifying activities intoyour life,you can’t help seeking out morewhile abandoning those that don’t satiate.WhenValerie finished her skirt, she felt emboldened to start other career explorations. “Making something is taking a creative risk,” she said. “It feels fantastic. [I got] into the mode of, ‘OK, I’m going to take another risk today.’”

Valerie began to network, catching upwith friendswho used their advanced degrees outside academia.They introduced her to new people, and her newfound enthusiasm made meeting strangers less intimidating—even exciting. Sewing helpedValerie see sheyearned for more creative and entrepreneurialwork. Eight months later, she launched an online education business, Be Naturally Curious,which makes it fun for parents and educators to teach kids science. To this day, she turns to sewingwhenever she feels stuck.

TRY THIS: Findwhat givesyou flow. Rekindle an old hobby or give a current one a few more hours or challenges. For some,itmightbecooking.Forothers,it’s exercise.Make sureit’ssomethingyouwanttodo.Thenaimtoexpand your repertoire by making note ofwhenyou are doing anything else that makesyou feel strong and energized.

REDIRECT WHEN YOU NEED TO

ONCE YOU’VE PUSHED OFFSHORE and begun to explorewhat givesyou satisfaction,you’ll inevitably run into obstacles. Usually these stem from doubtsyou might have about the directionyou’re taking. Afterall,whenthere’sonlyaglimmeroflightfroman unknown lighthouse ahead, rowing can feel dark and scary.

Another client, Renata Carvalho, had long lost interest in marketing butwas feeling too scared to make a change. “My work defined me,” she said. “If I’m not the executive, the advertisingwoman, I had always been, thenwho am I?”

When her husband decided to move his business from BuenosAires to NewYork, Brazil-born Renata saw it as “the perfect excuse” to start over.Asked at the timewhatwas the most recent pleasurable thing she had done, she said itwas reviewing the floor plans for her new home.Thinking she might enjoyvisiting apartments for a living, she talked to her real estate agent. She soon realizedwhat attracted her insteadwas architecture. But the architect she interviewed discouraged her, describing the long, expensive training required. Determined to avoid returning to marketing, Renata remained optimistic and kept searching. She discovered interior design and found a manageable associate’s degree program.

Optimism is a powerful motivator, according toAdam Grant, professor of psychology and management at the University of Pennsylvania’sWharton School and author of Originals: How Non-Conformists Move theWorld. But so iswhat he calls “defensive pessimism.” By envisioning and confrontingworst-case scenarios,you can propelyourself to prepare.That’swhat Renata didwhen she learned she needed to pass theTOEFL exam (a test of one’s mastery of English as a foreign language) for her program. She began to questionwhether she could return to school at all, so to avoid failure, she enrolled in a test-prep class. She not only realized she could study again but passed her exam.

Months before she even graduated, Renata got two clients. “It’s just incredible,” she said. “I can’t stop laughing.” TRY THIS: Untilyou’ve figured outwhatyouwant to do, trustyou’ll succeed.Write down some positive affirmations. Talk to friends and familywho encourageyou.And keep upwith activities that giveyou pleasure and flow.The moment you sense hesitation, tellyour inner critic, “Ihaven’t decided yet.I’llbecautiousonceIdo.”Ifyoufindyourselfruminating, seek a distraction, like dancing or doing a puzzle.

Moving a stopped boat requires will and energy. It’s easier to keep moving by rowing small, consistent strokes.

KEEP MOMENTUM WITH SMALL STROKES

PEOPLEASSUME THAT TACKLING big questions, like “What should I dowith my life?” or “Whatwill make mehappy?,”requirebigchunksoftime.Somewait until they can clear the decks,while otherswon’t bother. Eitherway,you stall. Moving a stopped boat requireswill and energy. It’s easier to keep moving by rowing small, frequent, and consistent strokes.

When NicoleVillamora moved toWashington, D.C., for a jobwith alobbying firm, she soon realizeditwasn’tright for her and felt isolated. “I underestimated the challenges ofstartingoverinanewcity,”shesaid.“Iwasaloneforthe first time in my adult life.”To turn things around, Nicole started listening to uplifting podcasts.Always interested in health, she did something nourishing every day—yoga, a positive mind-set practice, or cooking a nutritious meal.

Don’t underestimate the power of these tiny actions. Small wins not only make one’s day but can be a huge motivator, accordingto the coauthors of The ProgressPrinciple,Teresa M.Amabile, professor of business administration and director of research at Harvard Business School, and Steven Kramer, a developmental psychologist. Building on each victory, Nicole continued exploring health-related activities, leading her to meet new people and try new things. “I finally feltempoweredandhopeful,”shesaid.Soona techstart-up founder she met hired her as a company health coach. TRY THIS: Create some smallwins by breaking down projects into short behaviors. For example, ifyouwant to get healthy, don’t startwith a strict exercise program.Walk around the block, do some jumping jacks, or climb a flight of stairs. Ifyouwant a new job, the first move is not to overhaulyour résumé. Invite someone in a field that interestsyou to coffee.To keep a task small, set a timer for, say, 20 minutes.When time is up, congratulateyourself.

For manywomen, these stepswill seem counterintuitive. Butifyou don’tknowwhatyouwant,lose the map,enjoy the scenery, adjustyour sails, let go of anchors, and gently row.You’ll findyour lighthouse is closer thanyou thought.

Stacy Kim is a social scientist turned life coach at Life Junctions (lifejunctions.com).

Easy Dinner 1

Slow-cooker short ribswith rosemary potatoes

ACTIVE TIME 15 MINUTES TOTALTIME 5HOURS, 15MINUTES SERVES 4

Freezable Make Ahead Slow Cooker One Pot Gluten-Free Family Friendly

cup low-sodium beef broth 3 Tbsp. tomato paste 1 Tbsp. chopped fresh parsley stems (about 10 stems), plus leaves for garnish 2 Tbsp. plus 1 tsp. kosher salt, divided 1 tsp. black pepper, plus more for serving 2 lb. bone-in beef short ribs 1 12-oz. pkg. frozen pearl onions 3 medium carrots, chopped 4 cloves garlic, smashed and peeled, divided 1 lb. baby Yukon Gold potatoes 2 rosemary sprigs

STIR together broth, tomato paste, parsley stems, 1 teaspoon salt, and pepperina 6-quart slow cooker. Add shortribs, onions, carrots, and 2 cloves garlic; nest ribs into vegetables. Cover and cook on high until meat is very tender, 5 to 6 hours. Reduce to warm and remove lid. MEANWHILE, place potatoes, rosemary, remaining 2 cloves garlic, and 2 tablespoons salt in a stockpot; add water to cover. Bring to a boil over high. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until potatoes are very tender, about 15 minutes. Remove from heat. Remove rosemary and garlic, then drain. RESERVING cooking liquid, remove short ribs and vegetables from slow cooker. Skim fat from liquid, then transfer to a blender; add remaining teaspoon salt. With center piece of blender lid removed, secure lid on blender. Place a clean dish towel over lid opening. Puree on medium-high until smooth. SERVE potatoes and short ribs with vegetables and sauce. Garnish with parsley leaves and pepper.

PER SERVING: 373 CALORIES, 11G FAT (5G SAT.), 54MG CHOL., 7G FIBER, 23G PRO., 45G CARB., 1,261MG SOD., 8G SUGAR