RS - February 2016 by Lawrence Ambrocio

realsimple LIFE MADE EASIER

ONE SMALL CHANGE DIET

15 simple steps to a leaner, healthier you

HOW TO:

STOP FIGHTING AB OUT MONE Y LIVE HAPPILY WITH A ME SSY PER SON MA STER THE 20-MINUTE DINNER C ARE FOR YOUR SELF WHILE C ARING FOR ANOTHER FEBRUARY 2016

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“But the law of loving others could not be discovered by reason, because it is unreasonable.”

Photograph by Elliott Erwitt

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MAGNUM PHOTOS

L EO TOL STOY, ANNA KAR E NI NA

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YO UR MONTHLY D OSE OF USEFUL TIDBIT S, TIMELY T RIVIA, AND C ATCHY CONVER S ATION STARTER S

12 vs. 21 PERCENT Yet another reason dogs are man’s best friend, courtesy of new research from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: After following more than 600 boys and girls, ages 4 to 10, for a year and a half, starting in 2012, the centers found that of those who had a dog, only 12 percent showed signs of anxiety. Among the group that did not have a pooch, 21 percent did. Dog owners already know the joys of a four-legged family member, but the study researchers noted that having a pup around the house actually lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Another interesting fact, this from a survey by the Henry Ford Health System: Twentyeight percent of people who smoke said that knowing cigarette smoke was harmful to a pet’s health made them more motivated to quit. Give your favorite canine an extra belly rub on February 20, Love Your Pet Day.

300 TONS The amount of ice that will be used this year to build a life-size palace for the Carnaval de Québec winter festival (January 29 to February 14 ), in Quebec City. That breaks down to a cool 2,000 ice bricks weighing 300 pounds each. The 122-year-old festival has showcased a new palace annually for the past 62 years. This year’s structure will be 6,000 square feet— enough space to really chill out—and have five LED-lit rooms to walk through. It’s also home to (no, not Elsa) the festival’s seven-foottall snowman ambassador, Bonhomme (actually a man in a snowman costume). In addition to the palace, other subzero features include ice slides, snow-sculpting contests, and canoe races down the partially frozen St. Lawrence River. There are even “snow baths” for the truly brrrave.

90% How many men rank being funny or having a sense of humor as important as physical attraction when it comes to choosing potential female dates, reveals Match. com’s annual Singles in America survey. For women, the percentage is even higher: 97 percent rank male humor on par with hotness. Further proof that laughter can make the heart grow fonder: Of the more than 5,000 respondents, most want to be viewed as funny, too. Nearly half said that this was more important than being perceived as smart or compassionate. The survey also noted that the worst first-date mistake is constantly checking a phone. And a whopping 89 percent of respondents believe that once people have found “the one,” they’ll stay married forever. In all seriousness, that sounds like a lovely goal.

2.14.1876 The date when two (you heard that right, two) inventors separately filed patent paperwork for the telephone. On that long-ago Saint Valentine’s Day, Alexander Graham Bell and his rival, Elisha Gray, raced to be the first to file. According to many historians, Bell beat Gray by two hours. Even though Gray’s patent illustration was a straightforward design of two people talking through a wired device, while Bell’s just looked like circuit boards, the United States honored speed over clarity. Which is why Alexander is famous and Elisha Gray doesn’t ring a bell.

Written by

N.Jamiyla Chisholm Illustration by

Darling Clementine

FEBRUARY 2016

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FOR MORE FUN FACTS AND FIGURES,

5 YEARS How much “older” average women’s hearts are compared with their biological ages, reports the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services in a recent study. Researchers say that of people ages 30 to 74, 70 percent have a heart age older than their actual one. By examining risk-factor data from nearly 600,000 people, researchers learned that five years is the most common margin for women—and for men it’s eight. The reasons aren’t hard to imagine: High blood pressure, diabetes, and obesity are common culprits. In fact, the study found that a 50-year-old woman with all of these risk factors is calculated to have a heart age of 85. Is that giving you palpitations? This February, American Heart Month, search for “heart age” at cdc.gov to learn your heart age and to find tips to lower that number.

Gail Morse | Cancer Survivor People in families with a history of cancer are perfect candidates for MD Anderson’s early detection and prevention programs. The earlier we can find cancer, the better the chances of getting rid of it. Call 1-855-894-0145 or visit MakingCancerHistory.com.

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TR ANSFORMING SUPERMARKET FLOWERS ...........61 02. 2016

ON THE COVER The one small change diet: 15 simple steps to a leaner, healthier you 118 Stop fighting about money 114 Live happily with a messy person 126 Master the 20-minute dinner 132 Care for yourself while caring for another 101

Cover Photograph by

Stephen Lewis Food Styling by

Susan Spungen A DIE T PL AN YO U C AN STICK TO ............... 118 P RO J E C T S T H AT ( H A P P I LY ) TA K E A W H I L E . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 4 0

WA N T D I N N E R Q U I C K ? J U ST T U R N O N YO U R B RO I L E R ....... 132

FEBRUARY 2016

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MAGIC MARKERS Tada! These color-correcting sticks help make redness, spots, and under-eye circles disappear, page 76

Life Lessons GOOD READ

How a decades-old, exceedingly practical wedding gift brought Lee Woodruff a renewed sense of adventure . . 3 9 THOUGHTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 THE SIMPLE LIST . . . . . . . . . 6

MODERN MANNERS

Catherine Newman answers your thorniest questions on love, dating, marriage, and—yes—sex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 5

EDITOR’S NOTE . . . . . . . . . 1 4

EXPERTISE

5 relationship mantras that are actually baloney

CLIP AND SAVE: REAL SIMPLE TO GO . . . . . 1 6

...... 50

BREATHE

Relax, fast, with this month’s do-anywhere exercises. . . 5 2

Your Words How has technology changed your love life?.. 1 8

the Realist FEBRUARY AT A GLANCE

The story behind conversation hearts . . . 2 3 NEW USES FOR OLD THINGS

Magnets . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 4

HOME

FASHION

SUPER (MARKET) BOUQUETS

HOW TO WEAR A VEST

Turn a grocery-store bouquet into artful arrangements . . . . . . . . .

Styling tips for this trendy spring staple . . . 61

Q. and A. with organizer and author Marie Kondo . . . . . . . . . . .

TO GOOD HEALTH

Peanuts. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 8 NOW WHAT?!?

Smart solutions for life’s little disasters . . . . . . . . . 3 0 HOW-TO 32

LITTLE HELPERS . . . . . . . . 3 4

Black tea

............. 157

WHY NOT TRY…?

Cauliflower . . . . . . . . . . . 1 5 8 THINGS COOKS KNOW . . 1 6 1

5-MINUTE TRAINER

.. 72

Curtsy lunge . . . . . . . . . . 1 0 6

BEAUTY

THE STAPLE

ROAD TEST

How to take care of yourself while you’re taking care of others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 0 1

Food 5 EASY DINNERS . . . . . . . 1 4 9

THE CAREGIVER’S GUIDE

Your vexing pet questions, answered

HEALTH

THE CLUTTER CONQUEROR

THE VETS WILL SEE YOU NOW

REAL SIMPLIFIER

Fact-checking the Internet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 6

Contour. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

the Guide

PRETTY SMART . . . . . . . . . 7 5

WORK & MONEY

WHEN YOUR REGULAR

Jeni Britton Bauer, founder of Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams. .

THE VIEW FROM HERE

ROUTINE DOESN’T FEEL LIKE ENOUGH

An expert guide to next-level skin care . . . .

111

MONEYWISE

Smart advice to stop fighting over money . .

ROAD TEST

Hand creams

A LIFE IN FULL

Jane Vermeulen: veterinarian, military wife, and mom . . . . . . . 1 6 4

.......... 88

114

PAG E 97

Features THE ONE SMALL CHANGE DIET

15 simple, proven strategies to help you lose weight without feeling deprived . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

118

HOW TO LIVE WITH A MESSY PERSON (OR A NEAT FREAK) AND NOT GO INSANE

A husband and wife attempt to broker the peace

.... 126

MEET YOUR NEW FLAME

Easy broiler recipes you can make in a flash

.......... 132

THE LONG HAUL

The joys and the challenges of digging deep to stick with a complex endeavor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

140

REAL SIMPLE® (ISSN 1528-1701) IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY TIME INC. PRINCIPAL OFFICE: 225 LIBERTY STREET, NEW YORK, NY 10281. PERIODICALS POSTAGE PAID AT NEW YORK, NY, AND ADDITIONAL MAILING OFFICES. POSTMASTER: SEND ALL UAA TO CFS. (SEE DMM 507.1.5.2); NON-POSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: SEND ADDRESS CORRECTIONS TO REAL SIMPLE MAGAZINE, P.O. BOX 62120 TAMPA, FL 33662-2120. CANADA POST PUBLICATIONS MAIL AGREEMENT NO. 40110178. RETURN UNDELIVERABLE CANADA ADDRESSES TO: POSTAL STN. A, P.O. BOX 4015, TORONTO, ON M5W 2T2 GST#888381621RT0001. SUBSCRIBERS: IF THE POSTAL SERVICE ALERTS US THAT YOUR MAGAZINE IS UNDELIVERABLE, WE HAVE NO FURTHER OBLIGATION UNLESS WE RECEIVE A CORRECTED ADDRESS WITHIN TWO YEARS. U.S. SUBSCRIPTIONS: $28.95 FOR ONE YEAR. YOUR BANK MAY PROVIDE UPDATES TO THE CARD INFORMATION WE HAVE ON FILE. YOU MAY OPT OUT OF THIS SERVICE AT ANY TIME. MAILING LIST: WE MAKE A PORTION OF OUR MAILING LIST AVAILABLE TO REPUTABLE FIRMS. CUSTOMER SERVICE AND SUBSCRIPTIONS: FOR 24/7 SERVICE, PLEASE USE OUR WEBSITE, REALSIMPLE.COM/CUSTOMERSERVICE. YOU CAN ALSO CALL 1-800-881-1172 OR WRITE TO REAL SIMPLE AT P.O. BOX 62120, TAMPA, FL 33662-2120. © 2015 TIME INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. REPRODUCTION IN WHOLE OR IN PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION IS PROHIBITED. REAL SIMPLE® IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF TIME INC. VOLUME 17, ISSUE 2. PRINTED IN THE U.S.A.

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LIKE LOVE WOMEN WITH A PREFERENCE PREFER OLAY ULTRA MOISTURE BAR VERSUS THE LEADING BEAUTY BAR Why stick with what you like, when you can change to what you love? It’s just as mild to skin with luxurious lather. Make the change from like to love.

New on realsimple.com VISIT THE SITE FOR E XCLU SIVE IDE A S, TIP S, AND WAYS TO MAKE LIFE E A SIER—E VERY DAY.

WE ASKED: “What’s the most romantic song of all time?” Based on your Facebook responses, these are the most popular picks for a Valentine’s Day playlist. “Unchained Melody” The Righteous Brothers “Can’t Help Falling in Love” Elvis Presley “I Will Always Love You” Whitney Houston “At Last” Etta James

D I Y VA L E N T I N E ’ S DAY Add a personal touch to February 14. Visit realsimple.com/DIYdecor for homemade decorations perfect for a Valentine’s Day party or just a special dinner for two. Plus, you can find:

I N STAG R A M

@real_simple

VALENTINE’S DAY MAKES US CRAVE CHOCOLATE. YOU TAGGED YOUR PHOTOS #RSLOVE AND WE CHOSE THE MOST DECADENT SHOTS.

• A recipe for homemade truffles • Romantic dinner menus that anyone can make • Creative date ideas that don’t involve a restaurant @TENTHOUSANDTHSPOON

“Almond and Cashew Fudge treats with coconut, sesame seed, and chopped almonds.”

FEBRUARY 2016

@MEATBALLSSMAMA

“Oreos are my son’s absolute favorite. He has one in his lunch and usually we’ll have some for dessert with ice cream!”

REALSIMPLE.COM

@SEEDPLANTWATERGROW

“Birthdays call for extraspecial doughnuts, like the scrumptious ones from [Nashville] vegan glutenfree bakery Vegan Vee.”

P H O T O G R A P H BY N I C O L E H I L L G E R U L AT; P R O P S T Y L I N G BY M O R G A N L E V I N E

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I strive to be a fair, loving wife, I then allowed him to read this: “For others, a surfeit of stuff offers security, memories, and even pride.” I’m still waiting to hear his explanation for how leaving the cap off the toothpaste makes him feel secure and proud. You probably know that 2016 is a leap year, so this February we get a bonus day! Rather than spending it fuming over the small (and, yes, super irritating, distracting, and confounding) stuff, I think we neat freaks should all agree to reconcile our differences with messy loved ones and relax a bit. First use the expert advice in Jancee’s story to calm your nerves (without surrendering your principles). Then look for the lightbulbs (like the one on the right) throughout the issue for smart, time-saving tips to help you seize the day… by clearing your schedule.

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HAVE YOU LISTENED TO REAL SIMPLE’S FREE PODCASTS? We have four of them— on everything from negotiating household conflicts (The Labor of Love) and navigating the confusion of your 20s (Adulthood Made Easy) to handling irritating personalities (I Want to Like You) and boiling down kitchen basics (Things Cooks Know). There are new episodes every week. Go to realsimple. com/podcasts and listen for free.

C H EC K O U T T H E T I M E - S AV I N G, S M A RT- C H A N G E TIPS T H RO U G H O U T T H E I SS U E . S P O N S O R E D BY:

P H O T O G R A P H BY P E R R Y H A G O P I A N ; H A I R BY PA U L WA R R E N U S I N G R E N E F U R T E R E R FO R A R T D E PA R T M E N T; M A K E U P BY M E L I S S A S I LV E R FO R M AY B E L L I N E N E W Y O R K . BY M A L E N E B I R G E R E M B E L L I S H E D B LO U S E , $ 4 9 5 , S H O P B O P.C O M .

T TAKES a certain kind of neat freak—and I use that term affectionately—to work at Real Simple. (Note to staff: Let’s agree to overlook the current state of my office. I swear there is an organized person hiding in there somewhere.) During the regular course of business, we can have long, lively conversations, as we did yesterday, about husbands who don’t put the cap on the toothpaste and college roommates who don’t put the cap on lipstick and otherwise lovely and well-adjusted colleagues who don’t put the cap back on the seltzer bottle tight enough. Mundane? Deﬁnitely. But we at Real Simple know that whether a husband puts the cap back on the toothpaste often has a disproportionately big impact on our day-today. Because a toothpaste cap left lying next to the tube leads to a feeling, and that feeling might be that your whole life is out of control. If you are reading this magazine, chances are you know the feeling I describe. And chances are, you will love Jancee Dunn’s “How to Live With a Messy Person and Not Go Insane” (page 126). I read it while I was sitting next to my husband, and I forced him to read this passage: “Scientiﬁc research has shown that a cluttered home can disrupt a person’s level of cortisol.” And because

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REALSIMPLE

Valentine’s Day gift sampler PRETTY QUICK

Present your sweetheart with this tear-out assortment of delicious gestures to guarantee a lovely February 14.

10 time-saving moves to instantly streamline your beauty routine.

1 Mix a pump each of moisturizer and foundation in your palm and apply it in one pass.

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2 Skip the blow-dryer. Mist salt spray on damp hair, twist into a bun, then shake out when dry for loose waves.

3 Dry freshly painted nails fast by dunking them into ice-cold (but not ice-filled!) water.

4 Store makeup in a clear case so you can find what you need faster.

5 Moisturize in the shower. New lotions are made to be used on wet skin, and they sink in quickly.

6 To highlight in a hurry, apply one of your light, shimmery eye shadows

to the inner corners of your eyes, the tops of your cheekbones, down your nose, and on your Cupid’s bow.

7 Spray dry shampoo onto roots before bed. It will absorb oil while you sleep so you can wake up, brush, and go.

8 Messproof a DIY mani by swiping lip balm along your cuticles first. It creates a barrier so polish doesn’t get onto skin.

10 Splurge on a highpowered blowdryer—1,800 watts minimum. It will dry hair faster and more smoothly, so you can forgo the flatiron.

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Q. How has technology changed your love life?

A. Technology has made being a new military wife a little less scary. I’ll never forget how ecstatic I was to see my husband on FaceTime the first time he went away. While I treasure the letters he wrote me, I’m forever grateful for the e-mails, phone calls, and texts that allowed us to feel connected while being thousands of miles apart. JENNIFER JONES, Pensacola, Florida

I was at an arcade playing Tekken and met the man who is now my fiancé.

The greatest gadget that has made a difference in my 51-year marriage is wireless TV headphones. My husband likes movies; I don’t. Now we can be in the same room while he watches and I read in the quiet.

KRISTINE CHAN, Pagadian City, Philippines

My work and the kids’ school are 30 miles from our house, and my husband works full-time (and has a moonlight gig), so staying connected can be hard. I love the fact that we can see each other’s calendars and are “invited” to all things that have to do with our family. Technology helps us be together when we’re not and allows us to share the parenting load that is so important to us.

SUSU DR APER, Anniston, Alabama

I met the love of my life on Craigslist. I know people think that’s weird, but we’re happy!

Texting a quick “I love you” helps to keep my marriage fresh by letting my husband know that I think of him throughout my workday.

DAPHNE ABR AMS, Incline Village, Nevada

MICHELE WARD, Greenville, North Carolina

AMANDA WALTERS, Phelps, New York

FEBRUARY 2016

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Before we were married, my husband’s job sent him to Taiwan for a year. After the first $800 phone bill, we decided to try something else. I bought a fax machine and a typewriter (this was before people had computers and e-mail), and we would send each other long letters. Now, of course, we text, but I loved getting those faxes. DAWN BUTLER, Kingwood, Texas

Illustration by

Dan Page

SUBSCRIBER OF THE MONTH

@LIZSWENTON

The Timehop app makes me smile when I see the sweet things my husband used to write on my Facebook wall back when we were dating 10 years ago. After growing together during six years of marriage, it’s nice to be reminded where we started.

LINDA KONLEY CONNOR HER ANSWER: In the 60s, I knew

a young man named Bruce Connor who lived in a Boston suburb. (I lived in Chicago.) We kept in touch via mail but then lost track of each other. Five years ago, I was traveling to Boston and did a Facebook search. Lo and behold, there’s a Bruce Connor—same age, same location. So I contacted him. It was not the same guy, but since he was nice enough to reply to me, I thanked him and asked if we could be Facebook friends. We hit it off right away, and I flew back into Boston three months later to meet him in person. The happy ending: We were married this past June, and I’m now retiring and relocating to Boston to spend the rest of my life with the right Bruce Connor.

EMILY JARVIS, Macon, Georgia

Skype enabled me and my then boyfriend, now fiancé, to “see” each other while he was away getting his master’s degree. @KAR ASARVEY

My husband and I are bicoastal and spend a lot of time apart. Snapchat has changed our lives because we can send each other the million little things we want to share all day long without wondering if it’s worth sending or filling up our phones’ memories. I love seeing his world when I can’t be there in person. SABRINA CARMICHAEL, North Hollywood, California

In 1967 technology began my love life. Back when computers were main frames and IBM cards, my now husband and I were in college. Our engineering department ran a “computer dance.” (We filled out questionnaires and were matched up.) Fast-forward all these years and we have to say that the match is still working. I think we have at least one of those IBM cards packed away in our memory box.

STATS: 60+; married, with two daughters and one stepson; retired administrative assistant; Evergreen Park, Illinois.

KAREN GROVER, Rockford, Illinois

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED ABOUT LOVE?

My husband is an airline pilot and is often away from home. Having smartphones with no long-distance charges means that we can keep in touch easily. My father-in-law is also a pilot. He would have to go for days without talking to his wife and family when my husband was growing up. I am so grateful for the technology that allows me and my daughter to say good night to my husband, no matter where in the world he may be. SAR A TRZNADEL DYCK, Hanover Park, Illinois

My fiancé and I met through Google Hangouts! We were attending an educational conference. I was there with friends, and he was attending remotely from his couch a few hundred miles away. We connected through e-mail and phone and became best friends. I can’t wait to marry him this summer! ELIZABETH KOWBA, Fremont, California

It will find you when you least expect it. WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO DESSERT RECIPE?

My specialty is a trifle. How could you go wrong with layered pudding, fruit, and whipped cream? I’ve been making it ever since I received the trifle dish 30 years ago.

I met my boyfriend on Tinder. I’m grateful for the app, even if I’m mortified by the idea of explaining it to my grandparents.

WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT?

My hobby is historic-gravestone preservation. I got into it after volunteering as a cemetery tour guide at the Midewin National Tallgrass Prairie, in Illinois. I haven’t seen a ghost…yet.

ERIN KELLEY, Denver, Colorado

FEBRUARY 2016

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UPCOMING QUESTION

What is your favorite small-space solution? Go to realsimple.com/ yourwords and let us know your answer to this question. Your response could appear on these pages.

YO U R W O R D S

I married my company’s IT guy. How about that for technology?

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Diagnostic Checklist Check all that apply: 1. Itchy Skin

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“Being able to identify different skin needs, AND the right products to address them, is one of the easiest ways to achieve healthy looking skin.”

4. Irritated Red Patches 5. Eczema Flare-ups

—DR. FLOR MAYORAL, MD Caption for graphic. Copy to come. This is sample copy to be used as a guide. Copy to come. This is sample copy.

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This year, say it in chocolate. Love has never been so delicious. Come see our language of silky smooth DOVE Chocolate at sayitindovechocolate.com ®

®/TM trademarks ©Mars, Incorporated 2016

UNCOMMON KNOWLED GE FOR MODERN TIME S

SAY WHAT!? A sampler of Sweethearts sentiments through the years. 1800s: Courtly and poetic • MAY I SEE YOU HOME AFTER THE CIRCUS? • PLEASE SEND A LOCK OF HAIR BY RETURN MAIL • YOUR LIPS ARE LIKE A ROSE

1900s: Bossy and definitive • BE MINE • KISS ME • MARRY ME

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY A N G E L A C A M P O S

AMERICA’S SWEETHEARTS Lovebirds (and school kids) have been signaling affection with these chatty candies since the era of hoop skirts. Eat your (emoji) hearts out.

Written by Brandi Broxson Photograph by Danny Kim

• THE ONE I LOVE

1950s: Rockand-roll pet names • HEP CAT

were created by Boston candymaker Oliver Chase in the 1860s and bore little resemblance to the tiny schoolyard valentines we know today, says Mike McGee, the president and CEO of Necco, the company that manufactures Sweethearts. Early treats-with-amessage had a candy shell with a paper note inside (like a fortune cookie). In 1866, Chase’s brother Daniel had the idea to print messages directly onto the candy, which were large confections in the shape of baseballs, horseshoes, watches, and even—wait for it—hearts. With ample real estate for flowery language (see right), these confections served as icebreakers at adult social events, such as parties and weddings. In the early 1900s, the brothers’ company, the New England Confectionery Company (now Necco), decided to focus on miniature hearts and dubbed the treats Sweethearts. Be warned: The classic flavors—like the much missed wintergreen, banana, and cherry— are returning this year for Necco’s 150th anniversary and may spark a vivid sense memory of a childhood crush who was crazy 4 u. THE FORERUNNERS OF SWEETHEARTS

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• HOT DAWG • SUGAR PIE • YAK YAK

1990s: Snarky sweetness • 1-800 CUPID • AS IF • FAX ME • LET’S DO LUNCH

2016: Tech talk • #LOVE • HOLLA • TXT ME • SWEET TWEET

N EW U S E S FOR O L D T H I N G S

MAGNETS SEWING STORAGE: No more hunting for stray pins and needles. Adhere a disk magnet to the underside of a Mason-jar lid to corral them. Stash spools, scissors, and a seam ripper in the jar. —idea from CHERYL HESTER, Henrico, Virginia

KIDDIE CUP STICK-UP

Give your child 24/7 access to her favorite cup. Super-glue a magnet to the outside of the tumbler and hang it on the outside of the refrigerator.

T H E R E A L I ST

—idea from ALICE TING, Bremerton, Washington

—idea from ALICE TING

HAMMER HELPER

Super-glue a magnet to the handle end of a tool to hold nails and screws while you work. —idea from LISA M. WEAVER, Louisville, Kentucky

Photograph by

Danny Kim

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY A N G E L A C A M P O S ; I L L U S T R AT I O N S BY P E T E R O U M A N S K I

SMART SCRUBBER

To clean a vase’s hard-toreach interior, cut a 2-inch square out of a scrubbing sponge. Slice a slot on one side, slide a small magnet into the slot, then super-glue the opening. Place the sponge square inside the vase, and use another magnet to guide it along the exterior.

REAL SIMPLIFIER

How to fact-check the Internet

T H E R E A L I ST

When online stories seem too good—or bad— to be true, they just might be, says veteran journalist and American Press Institute (API) staffer Jane Elizabeth. She offers tips for sniffing out the truth.

What’s the first thing you should do if you see a fishy headline? Google the exact headline. You should immediately see links debunking it if it’s fake. Snopes.com and Reported.ly also investigate the validity of Internet content. What else can you do to assess the legitimacy of content? Check the source. There are many fake websites that have crediblesounding names. Go to the site’s About tab. It may acknowledge the site’s politics or say it’s satirical. (DailyCurrant. com has even fooled major media outlets, like the New York Times.) If it’s a site for only one purpose or cause, say, a Super PAC, then it’s clearly biased. Also, a reputable source includes hyperlinks to research, while a fake site offers no backup and may have spelling and grammatical errors.

Written by Brandi Broxson Illustration by Peter Oumanski

showing Pakistanis cheering after a 2009 cricket match. Also, keep an eye out for details that don’t match up. (Example: One part of the image is very bright; other areas are muddy.)

It probably matters who wrote the piece, right? Yes. Check the writers’ social-media accounts and look for a blue check mark near their name on Facebook or Twitter. This means their occupation has been verified and they are who they say. Just how prevalent is misinformation on the Internet? An API study found that misinformation on Twitter outpaced efforts to correct it 3 to 1. Once a lie is told online, it’s difficult to retrieve it, quarantine it, and debunk it. Many journalists and other professionals try very hard to correct wrong info on social media, but we’re outnumbered. And sometimes that misinformation can be dangerous, right? Yes, during breaking news is when you see some really bad examples, say, alluding to a second shooter or identifying the wrong person as a criminal. In those situations, try to find a news outlet that is releasing original reporting, meaning developments are not from other outlets or anonymous sources.

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How can we tell if info is from other outlets? Listen for red flags, including phrases like “we are getting reports that” and “we are trying to confirm.” What about viral photos and videos? Upload a suspicious photo into a search on Google Images. [Right-click on the photo, save it to your desktop, then drag it to the image-seach box.] Then you can verify the subject of the photo and where it has appeared online. Sometimes footage from the past gets recirculated in a current news cycle, like when a video reporting “Muslims celebrating Paris terror attack” in 2015 was found to actually be

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What about lies in political ads? Read or watch political or campaign messaging actively. Notice statements that are meant to provoke extreme emotion, notably sadness or anger. Before going off on a Facebook rant, check the statement’s validity against neutral, intelligent sources. Here are a few: NPR, The Washington Post, CNN, PolitiFact.com, and FactCheck.org. What if you share something online and then find out it was untrue? Correct it. Contact people who shared your post and let them know it was wrong. Then delete the original and post an apology explaining how it happened and providing updated facts. How should we respond to misinformation shared by friends and family on social media? Try to avoid making others feel foolish. Keep it light and helpful. You could reply: “Uncle Bill, hold on! DocInABox. com is not a reliable website, so maybe it’s not possible to contract Ebola from apples. Here’s some info from the Mayo Clinic. Check it out!”

GET THE

MICELLAR GLOW WITH THIS SIMPLE FACE WASH ALTERNATIVE Easy, efficient and gentle, micellar cleansers are buzzing as the lazy girl’s best option for minimal-effort makeup-free skin. A beautiful, glowing complexion starts with a cleanser that ﬁts easily (and affordably) into your lifestyle and beauty routine. Introducing Garnier’s new Micellar Cleansing Water, an all-in-1 cleansing product to instantly purify and refresh your skin. The fast-cleanse formula is inspired by makeup artists who have long used micellar waters as a go-to cleansing product for their speedy application. Garnier’s version is gentle yet surprisingly powerful and works for all skin types, including sensitive complexions. And beauty buffs love how well it wipes away the day’s deposits. In a recent study, 100 percent of testers reported that Garnier SkinActive Micellar Cleansing Water “removes face makeup perfectly.” A must-have for keeping skin clean, refreshed and hydrated.

DESIGNED FOR SENSITIVE SKIN. LOVED BY ALL SKIN TYPES!

WHAT MAKES GARNIER SKINACTIVE MICELLAR CLEANSING WATER A MUST-BUY? 1 An all-in-1 cleansing routine that’s efficient, gentle and hydrating. 2 It comes in a generous 13.5 oz. bottle.

THE SCIENCE The molecules (micelles) work like “magnets,” gently lifting dirt, impurities and makeup from the skin.

HOW TO USE Simply apply the formula to a cotton pad, press pad to activate micelles to lift away makeup and impurities, gently wipe away and see the proof on the pad.

3 It’s affordable. 4 It’s so gentle yet powerful, there’s no harsh rubbing or rinsing needed.

FOR MORE INFORMATION, VISIT WWW.SKINACTIVE.COM

T H E STA P L E

PEANUTS They may not be considered high-brow enough for a “fancy” mixed-nuts collection (ball games and dive bars are more their jam), but here’s a secret: Peanuts pack more protein than most other nuts do—and they don’t cost an arm and a leg. They go with more than chocolate and brittle, too. Try them in granola, salad dressings, or a slow-cooked stew. Take that, peanut gallery.

Written by Heath Goldman Recipes by Anna Painter Photograph by Danny Kim

2 QUICK IDEAS RECIPE

Apple crisp with peanut streusel HANDS-ON TIME 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 1 HOUR SERVES 6 TO 8

T H E R E A L I ST

Toss 3 pounds peeled, sliced Granny Smith apples with 2 tablespoons orange juice, 3 tablespoons sugar, and ¼ teaspoon cinnamon. Place in a buttered 9-by-13-inch baking dish. Combine 1⅓ cups flour, ½ cup dark brown sugar, ¾ cup coarsely chopped roasted unsalted peanuts, a pinch of salt, and ½ cup melted butter in a mixing bowl; mix until clumps form. Sprinkle over the apples. Bake at 350° F until the apples are tender and the streusel is browned, 45 minutes. Serve with vanilla ice cream. EASY UPGRADE

Combine ⅓ cup packed parsley leaves, ¼ cup roasted unsalted peanuts, 1 clove garlic, ½ teaspoon grated orange zest, and ¼ teaspoon salt in a blender; puree until smooth. Sprinkle over roasted vegetables or slather on a sandwich. Makes ¾ cup.

GO NUTS

Find the scoop on our favorite natural spreads at realsimple. com/peanutbutters.

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY A N G E L A C A M P O S

Parsley-peanut pesto

Now what?!? Smart solutions for life’s little disasters

My husband is deceased. What can I do to prevent identity theft? JAN SAX, via e-mail

T H E R E A L I ST

THE FIX: Order about 12 copies of the death certificate, says

Carrie Kerskie, the director of the Identity Fraud Institute at Hodges University, in Naples, Florida. Send copies to the Social Security Administration, the Internal Revenue Service, all three credit bureaus (Experian, TransUnion, Equifax), and your bank, brokerage firms, and insurance companies. (Request his credit report to identify other accounts, and have a deceased alert placed on the file to stop potential scammers.) Cancel your husband’s driver’s license as well as any professional licenses. It’s also smart to be discreet in obituaries, says Kerskie. “Fraudsters may comb entries for details—birthdate, cities lived in, etc.—that could be useful in identity theft.” Find more information at idtheftcenter.org. Written by Brandi Broxson Illustration by Peter Oumanski

My scarf reeks of mothballs.

My window blinds are filthy.

GAIL CONWAY, via e-mail

K. R., via e-mail

THE FIX: Even scarves you would normally dryclean can be safely hand washed to nix the smell, says Steve Boorstein, the author of The Clothing Doctor’s 99 Secrets to Cleaning & Clothing Care: “Mothballs create a water-based stain that needs wet washing, not dry-cleaning solvent, to remove.” Knead the scarf in cool water with a few drops of gentle detergent. (Try Woolite Delicates; $4, walmart.com.) Soak for a minute, rinse gently, then lay flat. Once it’s dry, do a sniff test. Still stinks? Repeat as necessary.

THE FIX: If your vinyl or metal blinds are covered in a layer of sticky dust, you’ll need to take them down to clean them. Lay them in the bathtub, spray them with Krud Kutter ($13, amazon.com), and run the shower to rinse, says Jan Dougherty, the author of The Lost Art of House Cleaning. Dry them front and back with a soft cloth before rehanging. To keep the blinds gunk-free going forward, says Melissa Maker of CleanMySpace. com, follow this routine four times a year: Vacuum both sides using the brush attachment, then wipe with a microfiber cloth (or a sock) sprayed with all-purpose cleaner. And when you’re springcleaning, do windows first, then blinds, then sills, so you don’t reintroduce dirt to areas you’ve already addressed.

HAVE A DISASTER

that needs solving? E-mail your problem to askrealsimple@ realsimple.com.

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H O W-TO

CONTOUR These (admittedly strange-looking) sleights of hand are genius at enhancing features. And you don’t have to be a magician to pull them off. Chicago makeup artist Jenny Patinkin shares her go-to techniques.

DA R K PA RT S

L I G H T PA RT S

Applying a darker shade (with a foundation that’s one shade darker than your skin tone or a matte bronzer) makes features recede. Do it first.

Applying a lighter shade (with concealer or highlighter) brings features forward. Do it last. Dab or dust it onto these spots, then blend some more.

Starting at the temple, dot the darker shade along the hairline. Then blend with a brush. FYI: On the left, the model’s face is unblended; on the right is the finished look.

• Center of forehead • Underneath eyebrows • Inner corners of eyes • Tops of cheekbones • Down middle of nose • Cupid’s bow (above the middle part of the top lip)

2. EYELIDS

Add definition by sweeping the darker hue along your socket line. Move the brush in a windshieldwiper motion to blend.

THE TO O L S

3. NOSE

Draw dashes along both sides, extending the color down under the tip slightly if you want to make your nose appear shorter or higher. Blend.

You’ll need an angled brush or sponge, plus one darker shade and one lighter shade. This compact has both: Marc Jacobs Beauty #Instamarc Light Filtering Contour Powder ($49, sephora.com).

4. CHEEKS

Suck in your cheeks, then place the darker shade underneath your cheekbones. More blending. 5. JAWLINE

Sharpen your jawline by running the darker color slightly underneath it. Buff downward to soften any lines. For the final time, blend.

Written by Didi Gluck Photograph by Barbara Donninelli

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M A K E U P BY G R E G G B R O C K I N G T O N FO R N A R S AT S T O C K L A N D M A R T E L ; H A I R BY C O R E Y T U T T L E

T H E R E A L I ST

1. FOREHEAD

Naturally Beautiful Results

SCRATCH

& SMELL THE GENTLE SCENT

Now even sensitive skin can stop and smell the coconut. ®

New AVEENO SKIN RELIEF GENTLE SCENT ™ Lotion and Body Wash are a breakthrough for sensitive skin. Tested with dermatologists, they’re clinically proven to be as gentle as fragrance free, so you can ﬁnally indulge in scent that you and your skin will love.

gentle scent

Little helpers 4 ingenious products to make your day easier 2 SUPER-GRIP CLIP

A handy companion for life on the go, this small power adapter boasts three outputs to juice up a computer, a phone, and a tablet simultaneously. $100, gozolt.com.

This next-generation carabiner, outfitted with a rubber hook, holds up to 50 pounds, so you can clasp or hang a purse, a bookbag, or even a bike from just about anywhere. $20, lulabop.com.

Eco quandary FAUX LEATHER IS CRUELTY-FREE, BUT IS IT OK FOR THE ENVIRONMENT?

T H E R E A L I ST

3 TUG-FREE HAIR TIES

4 EYEGLASS ANCHOR

Tired of elastics that grab and break your hair? Wrap one of these gentle ponytail holders in place, then snap it off to let your hair down. $13 for five, snappee.com.

The endless search for your spectacles is over. Hang readers (or shades) on this magnetic loop that attaches to your shirt and you’ll always know exactly where they are. $10, eyeloop.com.

Written by Tanya Christian Photographs by Philip Friedman

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Not really. You may not be killing an animal to make a bag, but you could be polluting the earth. The most common materials for fake leather— polyurethane (PU) and polyvinyl chloride (PVC)— are derivatives of petroleum, a resource that is being depleted. PVC, considered the worse of the two, creates dioxins that pollute waterways and soil and are toxic to our health. While PU is not ideal, if manufactured using sustainable practices, it’s a wiser choice, says Huantian Cao, a professor at and codirector of the Sustainable Apparel Initiative at the University of Delaware. “PU can be also be produced in part by renewable feedstocks,” he says. For consumers, it can be tricky to figure out what an item is made of, especially online, where you may come across the vague terms “vegan leather,” “faux leather,” and “all man-made materials.” To find animal- and eco-friendly brands, check out FreedomOf Animals.com, Mink Shoes.com, ShopEthica. com, and Stella McCartney.com. —KAITLYN PIRIE

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY C H A N E L K E N N E B R E W. S P E C I A L T H A N K Y O U T O S A S S B R O W N , A C T I N G A S S O C I AT E D E A N AT T H E FA S H I O N I N S T I T U T E O F T E C H N O LO G Y ’ S S C H O O L O F A R T A N D D E S I G N , I N N E W Y O R K C I T Y; A J O Y S A R K A R , A S S O C I AT E P R O F E S S O R O F T E X T I L E D E V E LO P M E N T A N D M A R K E T I N G AT T H E FA S H I O N I N S T I T U T E O F T E C H N O LO G Y; H U I J U PA R K , A S S I S TA N T P R O F E S S O R I N T H E D E PA R T M E N T O F F I B E R S C I E N C E A N D A P PA R E L D E S I G N AT C O R N E L L U N I V E R S I T Y: A N D F R A N K D O R M A N , S P O K E S P E R S O N FO R T H E F E D E R A L T R A D E C O M M I S S I O N . I L L U S T R AT I O N BY P E T E R O U M A N S K I

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G O O D R E AD

What lies beneath Lee Woodruff ’s red long johns—a wedding present from her husband— went from a symbol of adventure to a sign of midlife stagnation…until one trip changed everything.

H AV I N G G R OW N U P W I T H O U T S I S T E R S , my husband has always been intrigued by female gatherings. This was why, 28 years ago, he crashed my bridal shower to give me a store-wrapped gift. The card read, “May our life together always be an adventure.” Inside the box was a pair of tomato red Patagonia long johns. They remain the most practical wedding present I ever received, aside from a ﬁre extinguisher from my friend Rebecca. We were married in a small stone chapel in upstate New York on the unremarkable (at the time) date of

FEBRUARY 2016

September 11. Immediately afterward, we headed to Beijing, where Bob would teach at the China University of Political Science and Law. This was a very lofty name for a cluster of concrete buildings and dirt piles we would call home. Our tiny cinder-block dorm room was a meat locker in winter. Icy winds rattled the thin windowpanes

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FEBRUARY 2016

Waters. The group hosts injured service members at fishing excursions around the country, using nature to help heal the internal and external wounds of combat. As I packed, it occurred to me that long underwear would be essential in early April, with cooler spring temperatures and rain predicted in the mountains near Charlottesville. It took me a few minutes to recall where they were. Poking around my closet, I finally located them in a ball at the bottom of a mesh bag behind a pair of boots, the way a much loved stuffed animal is eventually exiled to the attic. Years had passed since I’d worn them, and after I tugged them out, I examined the top and bottom with new eyes. Despite countless wash cycles, the long johns’ red hue had barely dimmed. The waistband still snapped back, and over the years the fabric hadn’t pilled or run. This was gear made to last, utilitarian garments, designed for practicality and warmth, not for show. I held up the top, with its bright red snaps at the neck, and highlights of my life flipped through my mind like animation frames. There I was as a fiancé, then a young bride in China, now a new mother on a ski trip, our son in a pack on his father’s back. The long johns appear in photos of us on a family winter camping trip in the desert. I had once worn them for a solid week, mourning a miscarriage and bedridden, losing hope that we would conceive again. The long johns had been part of each physical move, as Bob changed careers from lawyer to journalist after China and we leapfrogged around the country to ever larger broadcast markets. Even if I hadn’t worn them regularly, they had been there for all of it, the sorrows and the celebrations. The memory of an early camping trip in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula suddenly flooded back, making me smile. During a night of torrential rain, the

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The long underwear had come to signify many things— the enduring possibility of adventure, our enthusiasm for new experiences, and the belief that love really could conquer all, or at least keep you warm at night.

P H O T O G R A P H BY S T E FA N R A D T K E

L I F E L E SS O N S

and gusted through the cracks in the frame. The red long johns became my second skin as I trudged down the concrete hall to the toilets (which consisted of a series of holes in the floor) or curled up under the pile of padded cotton quilts on our twin beds. We were eager travelers in that post-honeymoon, prekid period. With our metal-framed packs, we set off during university breaks and long weekends for far-flung parts of Asia. But our year abroad ended abruptly and tragically with the Tiananmen Square uprising: The government tanks fired on the demonstrators, killing students from our school. Shellshocked and traumatized by the violence, we returned to California to make a new life, no longer welcome after the crackdown. When we lived in San Francisco, and then in the northern foothills of Mount Shasta, my wedding long johns were regular companions on camping trips and ski weekends. In those years, they resided in the top drawer of my dresser, a grab-and-go location behind the lacy panties and bras. The long underwear had come to signify many things—the enduring possibility of adventure, our enthusiasm for new experiences, and the belief that love really could conquer all, or at least keep you warm at night. But with time the long johns began a slow migration to the furthest recesses of various closets, mirroring my more sedentary life. Each time I happened upon them, they were a gentle reminder of our present stasis. Four children, a career, and my attempts to be a writer in the margins of my life had predictably and wonderfully hemmed me in closer to home. I had ended up exactly where I was meant to be. Yet the passage of time had piled on possessions, obligations, and responsibilities. I was no longer the young bride who aspired to live like a turtle, with her house on her back, About the author committed to a life of “adventure,” as Lee Woodruff is a jourBob’s long-ago note had promised. nalist and the author of Oh, to replay that stretch of time, three books. She is a when planning involved only the two cofounder of the Bob of us and our knees worked like wellWoodruff Foundation, oiled hinges. I was incredulous that we which assists post-9/11 would be there again in a few years, as injured service members empty nesters, albeit without the knees. and their families. She This past spring, Bob and I attended is a half-empty nester a weekend in Virginia with the nonwith four kids. Find her profit organization Project Healing at leewoodruff.com.

Leslie Mann

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Folding the long johns in my suitcase, I felt a flash of excitement and anticipation. The coming weekend would be just the two of us on the road, like the old days, experiencing something new.

tent tarp had collapsed, drenching our packs and sleeping bags in a wall of water. I was wearing the damp long johns under a pair of Bob’s boxers as we approached the portico of the swanky Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island. We’d planned to meet up with friends for the more luxurious half of our vacation. The doorman moved to block our entrance, scowling as if we were covered in human feces. We howled, reenacting his expression later, under the spray of our room’s hot shower. Folding the long johns in my suitcase, I felt a flash of excitement and anticipation. The coming weekend would be just the two of us on the road, like the old days, experiencing something new. The change of pace and springtime Blue Ridge scenery would do us good. And as it turned out, it did. Until I stood, learning to cast, in thigh-deep water on that fly-fishing weekend, I hadn’t imagined the powerful magic that existed in the boil of a rushing river. It worked on my soul like a balm. We reverted to our old, silly selves, the adventuresome couple who had lain dormant too long, as we survived a day of hard rain, slept in a yurt, and fell for the romance of fly-fishing. This was a vastly different sport than what I had remembered from childhood recollections, which involved standing on the dock with a container of worms. Fly-fishing was more art and poetry, finesse and religion. I was hooked. When we returned home to New York after the weekend, I washed and folded the long johns, purposely creating a new, more prominent place for them in my top drawer. No more exile. No more purgatory next to my breath-sucking Spanx and ancient capsules of L’eggs stockings in suntan and nude. Secretly, I circled back to Dusty Wissmath, our teacher and guide from the weekend, and ordered two fishing poles as a birthday surprise. When I give them to my husband, I want them to mean something, to stand for more chapters to come. What could be a greater gift than the experience of learning a new, shared activity in this second half of life together? When I open my top dresser drawer now, the flash of red catches my eye. I may not wear them as regularly as I once did, but they have become almost a symbol, a lucky charm or a rabbit’s foot. Instead of admonishing me, they represent the roads I wish to travel, the possibilities for experiences as yet untapped, a reminder that adventure isn’t something you lose or outgrow. It is ever present, there for the taking, as much a state of mind as it is the physical act of going somewhere. Q

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Modern Manners RE AL SIMPLE’S E TIQUE T T E E XPERT, C ATHERINE NE WMAN, OFFER S HER BE ST ADVICE ON YO UR LOVE Q UA N DA R I E S.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for four years. My mother has been asking when we will get married. While my boyfriend and I are pretty sure we will at some point, we just don’t place the same importance on marriage that my mom does. Recently she has been getting pushy and even brought it up publicly. My boyfriend is at his wit’s end. How can I politely tell her to leave us alone?

P O R T R A I T BY S A R A H M AY C O C K

C. C.

Parents pressure kids about marriage for all kinds of reasons: because they want to imagine that their future is settled; because they want grandkids; because they want something fun to look forward to or to brag to their friends about; because they presume that marriage is the only proper path for a serious relationship. If you know your mother’s agenda, you might tailor your response to it: Reassure her that your partnership is healthy or that marriage is on the horizon; tease her gently about wanting a grandchild; encourage her to throw a big dinner party where her friends can casually meet your boyfriend. Maybe your mother imagines that she’s being subtle—and you can point out her mistake. “Mom, believe me, we know that you want us to get married. But pressuring us publicly is not going to speed things along. If anything, it’s making my boyfriend kind of nervous.” But make this last

FEBRUARY 2016

point only if you absolutely must. Surely your mother has your best interests at heart, and approaching her with compassion and understanding is preferable to emotional blackmail. Reassure her of your happiness and encourage patience— in her and your boyfriend both.

About Catherine The author of Catastrophic Happiness (out in April) and Waiting for Birdy, Catherine Newman has shared her wisdom on matters ranging from family and friends to happiness and pickling in numerous publications. She gets advice from her husband and two opinionated children in Amherst, Massachusetts.

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Is it rude to ask my husband to shower or brush his teeth before sex? I’ve been married a long time, and I love him unconditionally. But these little things still make a difference for me, even if the request kills the mood a tiny bit. Should I just get over it? S. P.

In the heady first days of a sexual relationship, all those natural love drugs—happy neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin—let you smell the world through rose-scented glasses, so to speak. But this changes over time unfortunately (your unconditional love notwithstanding), and morning breath just starts to smell like…morning breath. So try this: Don’t nag your beloved or suggest that he stinks. Instead, muster good sexual courtesy by spinning your desire into something steamy: “Let’s take a shower together first,” you can suggest, popping a Tic Tac in each of your mouths. If you frame the request more as playful foreplay than hygienic drudgery, he will surely feel more excited than repulsed. And as my own husband just pointed out, reading over my shoulder: “If it’s shower or no sex, he’s definitely going to want to shower.”

L I F E L E SS O N S

A close friend has a long history of dating a guy, falling in love with him, and then getting her heart broken. I have tried to be a good friend by listening to the ups and downs of each relationship, but I am exhausted. Each one is invariably the best guy she’s ever dated. And things always end badly, and I am sad for her. But I’m also frustrated. I think she uses men for her emotional needs and doesn’t always behave wisely, and I don’t feel as if I can help her use better judgment. How do I set boundaries for myself and get a break from this emotional roller coaster? C. O.

A friend of mine who’s a therapist likes to say simply, when I’m waffling about some issue that she’s heard me waffle about a million times before, “This is not new information.” It helps me notice that I’m repeating an old pattern and (though she doesn’t say it) that I’m boring her. One way or another, you’re going to have to clue in your friend that this is an ugly pattern and set some limits, because while you’re a wonderful and supportive friend, you also risk being an enabler:

The first time I met my husband’s father, back when we were newly dating, he threw open his big, friendly midwestern arms and said, “Welcome to the family!” My own parents, meeting this then boyfriend, extended only a cool New York hand to shake. Different families have different styles, and you are right to recognize the potential awkwardness of this meet-up. I would say as much to your boyfriend’s parents—or nearly as much. “You guys are so friendly and outgoing! Alas, this is not how my family works. Can we hold off for a while?” If it’s more comfortable, you could talk to your boyfriend about asking his parents to back off a bit, which will give you an opportunity to discuss these differing family MOs. Believe me, if you end up staying together, this will not be the last time you need to navigate them.

someone who makes it possible for your friend to keep pursuing an unhealthy habit. What you say depends on how you feel about the friendship. Is it an otherwise healthy one, with this troubling dynamic as only one element of it? Point out the rut that she’s in, and say what you write here—that you feel frustrated and need a break from her romantic drama. You might also recommend that she see an actual therapist because you don’t have the skills to support her effectively. But if this is a one-way ticket to picking up her Humpty Dumpty pieces, then you might want to tell her so: “I love you, and I know you’re having a hard time, but I need our friendship to be more balanced.” Ideally, encouraging her to manage her self-involvement will set other positive changes in motion. And even if it doesn’t, you’ll have set some important boundaries—and modeled that for her as well. My boyfriend’s mother has suggested a few times that they (his parents) get together with my parents. I don’t think my boyfriend and I are anywhere near marriage, so it seems unnecessary and formal for our parents to meet. And my parents are not the type to get together with the parents of their child’s boyfriend. I think it would open a door of obligatory visits for them. I feel bad for not following up on her suggestion, but I also don’t want to feel pressured into the stressful task of trying to wrangle my parents into a lunch date. What is the kindest way to proceed?

Do you think it’s OK for me to (very infrequently) have sex with my ex-husband? Neither of us is involved with another person. But I do think the repercussions are harder for him— he’s more attached to our history than the other way around.

I. G.

J. G.

FEBRUARY 2016

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You still have sex, and you care about each other? Your divorce sounds better than a lot of marriages I know. Still, your question intersects with a more fundamental ethical issue: Should you be the one to decide what’s in the best interest of another adult? My philosophy Ph.D. husband is inclined to say no. “Her ex is a grown-up” is how he put it. “She shouldn’t presume to protect him from himself and potentially deprive them both of something they enjoy.” But I’m not so sure. If he is longing for you or holding out hope for a reunion, then sex might be confusing. Because desire doesn’t overlap too much with reason. The line of what he knows might form an intelligent graph, but what he wants might look more like a drawing of his own heart. Try taking him out for coffee and, with everybody’s clothes on, asking him if he thinks the sex is actually a good idea. If it turns out you’re on the same page—how it feels and what it means—then go for it. But if he hesitates, it might turn out that ex-with-benefits isn’t a sustainable role.

A 2014 ST U DY S A I D P EO P L E W H O DAT E S O O N A F T E R A B R E A KU P ( R AT H E R T H A N WA I T ) R EC OV E R FA ST E R .

H AV E A N E T I Q U E T T E Q U E ST I O N ?

Submit your social conundrums to Catherine at REALSIMPLE.COM/ MODERNMANNERS. Selected letters will be featured on these pages every month.

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E X P E RT I S E

5 relationship mantras that are actually baloney They’ve been sung in power ballads, needlepointed onto pillows, and possibly even recited at your wedding. That doesn’t make them true.

1 T E R RY R E A L

Don’t go to bed angry. Going to sleep is a good circuit breaker. Real relationships are an endlessly repeated rhythm of harmony, disharmony, and repair. But our culture idealizes only the

Written by Rebecca Webber Illustration by Ben Wiseman

FEBRUARY 2016

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harmony phase. Just once I would like somebody to say, “Oh, there’s Harvey and Shirley. They’ve been married 47 years. Of course they separated at one point for nearly a year because they were so pissed off at each other, and periodically they fight like cats and dogs, but they always find their way through it. Aren’t they a cute couple?” But you’re not going to hear that. Saying that you should never go to bed mad suggests that there should never be a serious disharmony in the relationship— which is nonsense. Sleeping stops the automatic reaction and gives you a chance to regain perspective. My wife and I go to bed mad at each other, wake up the next morning, and make up immediately. The resolution? Going to bed is the resolution sometimes. Because the relational answer to the question “Who’s right, and who’s wrong?” is “Who cares?” The question should be “How are we going to get through this together?”

DIANE REHM

JULIA TURSHEN

Always put your partner first. I think it’s a lot like the air mask on the plane, where you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else— otherwise you end up doing both halfway. I’ve been married to my wife for two years now, and for me that meant prioritizing my health so that I could then be present in my relationship. I struggled with my weight my whole life, and I worked to figure out the exercise and way to eat that made me feel really good. I started cooking at home more, which at first I did for me, but steps like this allowed me to take care of us as a family. This mantra is cheesy, but it’s true: You have to love yourself before you can really love.

T E R RY R E A L is the founder of the Relational Life Institute and the author of The New Rules of Marriage. He lives in Newton, Massachusetts.

THE EXPERTS

People think love will help you surpass any obstacle, but it doesn’t. Relationships are hard work. Parenting is sometimes stressful. Add in the difficulties of jobs. You may start out thinking that your love can conquer all, but you have to work at it, and both people have to want to work together. You can come very close to saying farewell. You have to have a lot of fortitude and goodwill toward yourself and your partner. But a good marriage is worth working for and going through lots of different stages for. A lot of relationship advice is hooey, but one thing every new bride and groom should do is learn to listen to their partners.

J U L I A T U R S H E N is a cookbook author whose latest work, Small Victories, is coming out later this year. She lives in Ulster County, New York.

DA N A FOX

What’s adorable now will be annoying later. We’re all a little crazy. The key is to find someone whose particular brand of crazy doesn’t drive you crazy—because as we get older, we definitely don’t get less nuts. ( Just look at your parents.) My husband watches four different sporting events on three different devices while messaging with friends on four different continents. All this multitasking yet he can’t get the baby’s bottle. Thankfully, I think it’s adorable, and I’m glad that he’s such a loyal friend. When we embrace each other’s crazy, we can be who we really are, and our love has an infinite space in which to expand.

D I A N E R E H M is a host on WAMU/NPR and the author of On My Own, a new memoir about her more than 50-year marriage and the loss of her husband. She lives in Washington, D.C. DA NA F OX is a writer and a producer of the movie How to Be Single. She lives in Los Angeles.

FEBRUARY 2016

A M Y BA N K S , M . D. , is a psychiatrist at the Jean Baker Miller Training Institute and the author of Four Ways to Click: Rewire Your Brain for Stronger, More Rewarding Relationships. She lives in Lexington, Massachusetts.

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Everyone needs boundaries. In our culture, we focus so much on the individual. We imagine that there are walls between people, and if yours aren’t strong enough, then your partner will roll over you. Boundaries often come up around conflict—as if someone moving you beyond your comfort zone means that person is somehow wrong. That’s when people get defensive. It’s better to focus on the permeability of your boundaries. The space between two people is where most of the work and reward of the relationship exists. You have to realize that neither of you may be fully right or wrong. The issue is finding a compromise.

SMALL, QUICK MOMENTS O F C O N N EC T I O N — LIKE A SWEET T E X T — A R E J U ST A S I M P O RTA N T A S DAT E N I G H T.

L I F E L E SS O N S

AMY BANKS

Love conquers all.

B R E AT H E

O F F S E T. T H A N K Y O U T O J O M A R C H A N T, A U T H O R O F C U R E ; A N D S U S A N K R A U S S W H I T B O U R N E , P R O F E S S O R O F P S Y C H O LO G I C A L A N D B R A I N S C I E N C E S AT T H E U N I V E R S I T Y O F M A S S A C H U S E T T S , A M H E R S T.

When your inner critic gets too loud, it turns on the stress response and can make you feel insecure or overwhelmed. Learning to relax that critical voice can help in these moments. As you become aware of the harsh words, locate the spots in your body where you feel tension. You might notice tightening in your stomach, your shoulders, or your jaw. Place your hand in the middle of your chest and enjoy its warm, gentle weight amidst the discomfort of self-judgment. Let your breath come and meet this place from the inside. Then find something nice to say to yourself. In other words, interrupt the critical tirade with some kindness. If you can’t quite believe these kind words, say other words that you do believe. Stay with this till you feel your body and mind become calm and you can be more present with yourself and others.

THIS MONTH’S EXPERT M A R GA R E T T OW N S E N D is a certified breathwork and Hakomi practitioner in the Portland, Oregon, area. She has taught for 25 years, blending her training in shiatsu, reiki, qigong, yoga, and other disciplines. Find her at thelivingbreath.com.

Photograph by Maura McEvoy

FEBRUARY 2016

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6 Tell someone

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7 Take a brisk walk. 8 Allow only natural ingredients into your diet by adding Chobani Simply 100®.

Appreciate silence.

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No electronics before bed.

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Leave your bed unmade for one day.

enou ough h wat a er?? Drink more e!

Don’t eat artiﬁcial. Switch to Chobani Simply 100® over other light yogurts.

24 4 Keeep a bowl off fruit in o the fridge.

25 Buy local, faarmm-

Treat yourself to a new workout outﬁt.

fr fresh produ uce..

26 Taake k an arrt claass.

27 28 29

16 otthi o h ng g. 17 Exxpect not Get a masssaag Ge ge. e

Write a personal mantra.

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Stretch.

18 8 Count to 100. 19 Set a phonne

Naturally fuel yourself with protein and ﬁber in Chobani Simply 100®.

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THE GUIDE home F LO R A L D E S I G N S BY T O M B O R G E S E ; P R O P S T Y L I N G BY L I S A L E E

SUPER(MARKET) BOUQUETS With a quick trip to the grocery store and these easy techniques, you can turn budget blooms into artful arrangements. Written by Rachael Weiner Photographs by Johnny Miller

FEBRUARY 2016

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MONOCHROMATIC COLLECTION A single-color palette is almost no-fail—it makes a display look considered and sophisticated.

will show the stems. Anything goes: vases, juice glasses, even old jars with the labels peeled off. 3. Strip away most of the leaves before inserting the stems into the vessels. You can keep the flower types separate, but you don’t have to. The single color and using the same type of vessel will unify any mix.

TRIMMING TIP

Cut the stems so the flowers are an inch or two above the vessels’ necks, and make sure the leaves are not touching the water—the flowers will live longer.

THE GUIDE home

HOW-TO 1. At the grocery store, buy a few bunches of different types of flowers, all in the same shade. (We used asters, freesias, spider mums, and Casa Blanca lilies.) 2. To give your grouping a clean, low-key vibe, round up some clear glass containers that

FEBRUARY 2016

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Offset the flowers with a handful of earthy succulents. Their neutral tones let the bolder colors pop.

F LOAT I N G TA B L E AU Layered dishes and shallow bowls make a beautiful backdrop for basic blooms. HOW-TO 1. Using any flowers on hand (newly bought or even an older bouquet), select ones that are fully open or that have a low, flat shape. (Here we used godetias, roses, tulips, spider mums, daisy mums, asters, carnations, and gerbera daisies.)

2. Cut off each stem just below the flower. 3. Float the flowers in bowls, in just enough water that the stems are submerged but the petals aren’t. Cluster the bowls as a centerpiece, or spread them around the house as accents.

FEBRUARY 2016

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DECONSTRU CTED D I S P L AY In this scenario, every last bit of the bouquet is used…make that showcased. Dig out your prettiest vessels to display the stems.

2. Match each type to a vessel. A good guideline: Go for contrast (feathery florals, like alstroemeria, in a sleek vase). Or choose a container that mimics the petal shape (lilies in a curvy vase). 3. For an eclectic grouping like this, cut the stems any which way— some short, others long. The overall effect is natural and lively.

GO GREEN

In a glam vessel, that single stem or two of ho-hum filler eucalyptus becomes a striking statement.

THE GUIDE home

HOW-TO 1. Buy one or two mixed bouquets, and sort the flowers by type. (Our bouquets contained lilies, hypericum berries, alstroemeria, spray roses, eucalyptus, and solidaster.)

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FEBRUARY 2016

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VA L E N T I N E ’ S D AY T U L I P S BY REAL SIMPLE

Q. Your books plot a path for getting and staying organized. Where do some of us go wrong?

The clutter conqueror Her first book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, made Marie Kondo an unlikely household name. To celebrate her new book, Spark Joy, Kondo demystifies her cult methods.

THE GUIDE home

A. A big mistake is organizing belongings before you have completed the process of deciding which items to keep. It can be discouraging to see how much stuff you actually have, but you need it all out there, in the middle of the room, to figure out what stays and what goes. You can have lasting success only if you shrink the piles first. Like with many important life changes, you cannot move in two directions at one time.

Your kitchen credo is extreme: Keep nothing on counters or around the sink and stovetop so that they’re easy to wipe clean regularly. Can you explain this logic? A. I was once convinced that easy accessibility to utensils and spices in a kitchen was key. But cooking is a messy business. Everything on my counter and on hooks was splattered with oil and water. I realized that in professional kitchens, counters are free of items and the entire area is clean. I passed this strategy along to clients. They found it helps them enjoy cooking more, even if their cupboards are fuller than they would like. They are happy to hunt for the right pot if it means their counters remain easy to clean.

Q. You’re adamant about good bra storage— folding straps and sides into the cups so they stand up. Why? A. I believe happiness is enhanced by making small moments, even choosing a bra, as joyful as possible. Folding bras so they’re upright instead of flattened, and organizing them by color—darkest in front, lightest in back—doesn’t take much effort. And when you open the drawer and see bras displayed the way they are in finer stores, it’s a positive start to your day.

Q. You tell us to get rid of things that don’t “spark joy.” That’s still hard. How can we make it easier?

Q. You touch on wallets in your book. Why is it crucial to have a neat one? And how do you keep it that way? A. Most of us look at a wallet as just a holder for things that we’re usually in a great hurry to retrieve. But it’s where we keep some of the most difficult-to-replace items in our lives—it deserves gratitude. I recommend cleaning it and removing anything you do not need on a daily basis. Valuing your wallet can even change your habits, prompting you to spend money with more discretion.

FEBRUARY 2016

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A. Hold each object in your hand. If it doesn’t spark joy, you know you need to part with it. Many of my clients feel guilty about letting something go, so I encourage them to say “thank you” to the item before getting rid of it. It sounds strange, but they tell me it works—it relieves them of the guilt. When we appreciate items in our lives, even those that won’t be part of our lives much longer, it helps us feel better about our decisions. Illustration by

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The vets will see you now LE T THE FUR FLY! ANSWER S TO YOUR HAIRIE ST PE T QUE STIONS.

Q. Mouthing off What are the general dental-care guidelines for my dog?

Q. Bugging out

Becker. The next time he does it, command him to sit. “If your pup doesn’t obey, move away again. If he does sit, finish cuddling the cat, then give the dog lots of petting and praise,” says Becker. “After a few of these exchanges, he’ll learn to anticipate that when the cat gets some petting, he’ll soon get the same.” You can speed things along by occasionally offering your dog a treat or a toy when the kitty wanders by, she says. “This way, your dog will stop associating the cat with competition and start looking at her as a harbinger of good news.”

My two kitties have fleas. Is there a natural way to deal with them? C. D., via Facebook

A. Fleas can be, well, pests. “They’re built to last,” says veterinarian Andy Roark. Manual removal is labor-intensive, but it’s the best bet for a chemical-free fix. First run a flea comb through the fur section by section, dunking it in soapy water between strokes. “The fleas stick to the comb, then fall out in the water,” says Roark. Vacuum carpets, rugs, and couches, and machine-wash bedding—the cats’ and yours. Repeat the combing and the cleaning every other day for a few weeks and this should destroy the fleas, their larvae, and the 50 or so eggs (ack) that each female lays daily. If it doesn’t (or the process makes you want to play dead), you may need a chemical treatment. “Ask your vet for a product with an insect growth regulator,” says veterinarian Karen Faunt. “IGR prevents larvae from maturing.”

Written by Sarah Grossbart Photograph by Elliott Erwitt

Q. Ruff patch How do I handle pet jealousy? Whenever I’m petting my kitten, my 10-year-old Shih Tzu mix comes over and tries to move her. B. J., via Facebook

A. Your instinct may be to pile on the affection or to shoo your dog away. But the most effective response is to ignore the behavior. Any attention, even if it’s negative, can be construed as a reward and reinforce the habit. When your Shih Tzu tries to move the cat, “just move away,” suggests animal trainer Mikkel

FEBRUARY 2016

A. Daily toothbrushing is the official recommendation of the American Veterinary Dental College, but don’t fret if that feels impossible. Even a biweekly brushing at home can be enough to reduce tartar and plaque and ward off dental disease when combined with regular cleanings from a veterinary dentist (typically every two years), says veterinarian Gayle O’Konski. Using a toothpaste formulated for dogs, like Enzadent Poultry Flavor Toothbrush Kit ($11, vetrxdirect. com), brush back and forth or in a circular motion for at least five seconds on each side of the mouth and in front. Aim for where the teeth and the gums meet. Most dogs easily tolerate the brushing, says Becker. But if yours won’t comply, you can minimize plaque by giving him a dental chew three times a week instead. (Greenies Original Dental Chews, $12 for six ounces, greenies.com.)

THE PET EXPERTS MIKKEL BECKER,

certified animal trainer for Vetstreet.com. KAREN FAUNT, D.V.M., vice

president of medical-quality advancement for Banfield Pet Hospital, Portland, Oregon. GAYLE O’KONSKI, D.V.M., Morris

Animal Hospital, Granger, Indiana. ANDY ROARK, D.V.M., Cleveland

Park Hospital, Greenville, South Carolina.

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Bubbling over

THE GUIDE beauty

Just add water to Bioré Baking Soda Cleansing Scrub ($10 at drugstores) to create a frothy foam that declogs pores without drying the skin on your cheeks.

PRETTY SMART

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S , I N C .

The latest beauty products and tips that save time, money, and—best of all—your sanity.

Written by

Heather Muir Photographs by

Ralph Smith

FEBRUARY 2016

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FOR SHEERER COVERAGE, RUN STICKS UNDER THE FAUCET BEFORE SWIPING ON.

WHIP IT GO OD

Crowning achievement

Color theory

MOVE OVER, BODY LOTION. TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL EGG MOUSSE BODY OIL ($25, SEPHORA. COM) SQUIRTS OUT LIKE MERINGUE (WHEE!) AND IS QUICKLY ABSORBED, SO YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE A SLIP AND SLIDE. EGG-YOLK EXTRACT INCREASES CELL TURNOVER, RESULTING IN SOFTER SKIN.

Known for effective skin care, StriVectin applied its anti-aging technology to hair. StriVectin Hair Max Volume Shampoo and Conditioner ($23 each, strivectin. com) deliver shine, body, and fullness— factors that fade with time—to fine hair.

When concealer alone isn’t cutting it, layer a Smashbox Color Correcting Stick ($23 each, smashbox.com) underneath to cancel redness (use green), sallow spots (lavender), bluish veins (peach), or dark under-eye circles (orange).

THE GUIDE beauty

J U ST PL AIN F U N.

Wanderful

The golden girls

Great lengths

Lay it on thick

A clean sheet

CoverGirl Plumpify Mascara by BlastPro ($12 at drugstores) has the company’s biggest brush to date, featuring conical bristles and fins that lift and plump even the puniest hairs. The result: falsie-ish fringe minus the fuss.

For those who say wearing foundation feels like a mask, consider Giorgio Armani Maestro Glow ($64, armanibeauty.com). Made without water or powder, it disappears onto skin, contains antioxidants, and deposits a gleam. In nine shades.

A time-saver for flatiron fanatics, Hot Tools 1-inch Salon Flat Iron Extra Long Plates ($60, ulta. com) allows wider sections of hair to be styled more quickly. Infrared heat keeps hair from feeling fried.

A new medicine-cabinet must: CeraVe Healing Ointment ($22 for 12 ounces, at drugstores) soothes cracked skin, dry feet, cuts and scrapes, and eczema with petrolatum, ceramides, and hyaluronic acid (no lanolin, preservatives, or dye).

e.l.f. Studio Mattifying Blotting Papers ($5 for 25, elfcosmetics.com) come in a mirrored compact with a self-adhesive pouf that picks up each sheet so your fingers stay off your face. Dab your T-zone to remove oil and deposit a veil of powder.

FEBRUARY 2016

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B O T T O M R I G H T: P H O T O G R A P H BY D A N N Y K I M

BEAUTY TIP OF THE MONTH: Revive dry, cakey under-eyes by putting a drop of face oil onto a sponge and dabbing it over your concealer—almost as good as new.

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When you buy any vitamin or supplement at Walgreens, you help provide vitamins that prevent blindness and other serious conditions for undernourished children around the world.

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When your regular routine doesn’t feel like enough

THE GUIDE beauty

What at-home skin-care products do well: Cleanse, moisturize, plump, and protect. Where they fall (gulp) short? Addressing deeper problems, like lines, sun spots, and dark circles. This guide to next-level treatments helps take out some of the sting (and the mystery).

to erase under-eye darkness with an over-the-counter cream,” says Dendy Engelman, a Manhattan dermatologic surgeon. “I see patients spend thousands of dollars on products that promise to get rid of dark circles, and while their under-eye skin may be smoother, thanks to those creams, the darkness never goes away. If they would put that money toward a prescription cream or a more powerful in-office treatment, they would be far happier with the result.” This is not a truth most people want to hear. It’s easier (and usually less expensive) to apply an over-the-counter cream each night, believing it will make all unwanted signs of aging disappear. But there are limits to how aggressive topical creams, even those that require a

“IT IS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE

FEBRUARY 2016

prescription, can be. And so for issues that start deep in the skin’s dermis, those products may not get you all the way to the finish line. What will? The in-office treatments covered in this story. Real Simple asked top dermatologists which aging issues are hardest to treat at home—and how these same conditions may be successfully diminished by an M.D. Read on for their most common strategies, plus additional options for times the recommended regimen is either not enough or not quite right for you.

Written by Genevieve Monsma Illustrations by Emma Leonard

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COMPLEXION COMPL AINT

Sun spots

THE GUIDE beauty

IN-OFFICE ATTACK: Zap excess

pigment with a laser treatment that targets brown melanin. Three options (with funny-sounding proprietary names) are the Alexandrite, the Q-switch, and the Nd:YAG. An intense pulsed light (IPL) treatment is another (non-laser) option. Note: Going to a dermatologist, not a medi-spa technician, is imperative for dark-spot treatment. Why? First, “to make sure what you’re targeting is indeed a sun spot and not skin cancer, such as melanoma, which may become worse if incorrectly diagnosed and left untreated,” says Tanya Kormeili, a Santa Monica dermatologist and a clinical instructor of dermatology at UCLA. Second, because while the procedures are fairly straightforward on some skin, different complications can arise on various complexions, and improper treatment could cause burning or scarring, warns Kormeili. COST: Laser sessions are close to $500 and up, but one or two sessions are often enough to eradicate the spot(s). The average cost of one IPL treatment is around $450; most patients need three to four. EXPECT THIS: Both lasers and IPL feel hot as the device zaps. But the procedures typically take just a few seconds per spot. After the treatment, the area will darken, then flake off within two weeks.

lightening a spot, even slightly, before we use lasers garners better, faster results,” says Engelman, who puts her patients on an eight-week regimen of a prescription lightening treatment, such as Tri-Luma (a combination of a retinoic acid, a corticosteroid, and hydroquinone). Gervaise Gerstner, a Manhattan dermatologist, says she has found success dabbing a spot with a swab soaked in a strong acid, like TCA (trichloroacetic acid), to remove several layers of skin. Sometimes this is enough to sizzle away the color. Liquid nitrogen may also be used in this way.

gen can be permanent if you are diligent about sun protection. COMPLEXION COMPL AINT

Slack jawline

EXPECT THIS: Most creams help fade, but do not totally erase, spots. That’s why they are used in combination with, not as a substitute for, lasers. The acid or liquid-nitrogen spot treatment will burn briefly, and the skin may look red for several weeks before fading to your natural tone.

IN-OFFICE ATTACK: Inject a volumizing filler, such as Voluma, Radiesse, or Restylane, above the jaw to pull slack skin taut. “It’s like putting pillows beneath a comforter,” says Michelle Yagoda, a Manhattan plastic surgeon. “You haven’t changed the comforter’s length, but the pillows prop it up so it doesn’t hang so far off the bed.” Some doctors inject just above the jawline; others aim for the tops of the cheeks and temples, since those areas hollow with age, and putting filler there rebalances the face.

RESULTS: Removing a spot with acid or liquid nitro-

COST: About $850 and up.

COST: Tri-Luma is about $120 per tube. The average cost of using acid or liquid nitrogen on a spot is usually $200 to $400.

“The face is the only place on the body where muscle is attached to skin,” says Michelle Yagoda, a Manhattan plastic surgeon. And “each time the muscle moves, so does the skin, creating deep wrinkles that cannot be smoothed with creams alone.”

RESULTS: Once the spot is gone, the result is technically permanent. But the area could start overproducing melanin again if exposed to ultraviolet (UV) rays, so most doctors stress daily sun protection.

Not enough/not right for you? Some doctors advocate using a topical lightening product prior to a laser or IPL treatment. “I’ve found that

FEBRUARY 2016

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EXPECT THIS: Injecting takes about 15 minutes and feels more like uncomfortable pressure than pain. You can use an ice pack during the treatment and on and off for 24 hours afterward. Bruising is possible.

take two treatments spaced three months apart to relax the muscles thoroughly enough that the line completely vanishes.

Not enough/not right for you?

RESULTS: A lifted result can last up

to two years—and possibly longer, because the treatment may stimulate collagen production in the area, leading to long-term plumping. “This could be because injecting the filler is like a small trauma and causes the repair process to start, during which collagen is produced,” says Yagoda.

THE GUIDE beauty

Not enough/not right for you? You may also target slack skin with a tightening treatment, such as Ultherapy or Thermage. They use ultrasound and radio-frequency technology, respectively, to “heat the skin, create thermal damage, and boost collagen production,” says Mona Gohara, an associate clinical professor of dermatology at Yale University. Or a doctor can inject Kybella, a new, U.S. Food and Drug Administration–approved synthetic form of bile acid (yes) that breaks down fat cells in a double chin and makes the jawline look less jowly, says Gohara. COST: Ultherapy and Thermage each

average about $2,500, and most patients need one to two sessions. Kybella will run you an average of $1,500 for one treatment of up to 50 small injections; many patients need two to three treatments spaced about a month apart. EXPECT THIS: Tightening treatments

are painful, even after a topical or injectable anesthetic has been applied, and can take up to an hour. Kybella can be uncomfortable but should take no more than 15 minutes. There may be two to three days of discomfort and swelling afterward.

because collagen boosting (and collagen production) take time. But a good result can last for two or more years. Results, however, vary widely: Some patients enjoy dramatic improvements, while others barely notice a difference. As for Kybella, the results are permanent because the destroyed fat cells cannot come back. COMPLEXION COMPL AINT

Forehead wrinkles IN-OFFICE ATTACK: Relax the muscles under the creases by injecting a neurotoxin, such as Botox or Dysport. “The face is the only place on the body where muscle is attached to skin,” says Yagoda. And “each time the muscle moves, so does the skin, creating deep wrinkles that cannot be smoothed with creams alone.” COST: About $350 on average. EXPECT THIS: The injections typically take less than 15 minutes, and pain is minimal (quick pricks). Post-treatment, an ice pack can bring down swelling. Bruising is also possible. RESULTS: For first-timers, full muscle relaxation may take up to two weeks; veterans may smooth out after two or three days. For all patients, the treated muscles should remain relaxed for three to five months. For very deep lines, Yagoda says, it may

RESULTS: It can be two to three months before you see the lifting result of a tightening treatment

FEBRUARY 2016

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If a deep crease is still visible two weeks after your injection and there is no visible muscle movement, some doctors use a thin hyaluronic acid filler, such as Restylane, to fill it in. Yagoda, however, advocates holding off on filler in the same area until after a second round of neurotoxin, for the reason that she outlines above. “Injecting sooner than that puts you at risk for developing a bump or a ridge along a line that would have eventually smoothed out on its own,” says Amy Derick, a dermatologist in Barrington, Illinois. COST: On average, $600. EXPECT THIS: Quick pricks. RESULTS: There may be initial swelling, but it should subside within a day or two, revealing the result. Bruising is common. The area typically remains plumped for up to a year. Keep in mind, though, that fillers help the skin build more of its own collagen, so even after the injectables have worn off, a crease should never become as deep as it was initially. COMPLEXION COMPL AINT

Broken capillaries IN-OFFICE ATTACK: One to three treatments with a laser (Nd:YAG or a pulsed-dye laser, such as the Vbeam) or with an IPL device that targets red pigment will destroy dilated or broken capillaries. COST: One laser or IPL treatment to remove a single capillary can cost $150 and up; most people need from one to three treatments for each capillary. EXPECT THIS: As the capillary is being annihilated, you may feel as if

RESULTS: Once the blood vessel has been destroyed, it will not come back. However, going to a reputable physician is key, because overly aggressive zapping “can irritate skin and cause new broken capillaries to appear,” says Yagoda.

Not enough/not right for you? Mirvaso, a prescription-strength cream, is like Visine for the skin, temporarily reducing redness by stemming excessive blood flow in the face. It is used most often for rosacea but can also help camouflage a web of broken capillaries. EXPECT THIS: After applying Mirvaso,

most people see redness reduction within an hour. COST: Mirvaso is about $100 a tube. RESULTS: Temporary. The redness will come back after about 12 hours or whenever you wash off the Mirvaso. COMPLEXION COMPL AINT

Chronic dark circles IN-OFFICE ATTACK: “Circles are

often caused by thin skin that allows blood vessels to show through,” says Maria Bonilla, a dermatologist in San Diego. For some, thin skin is genetic; for others, it’s a result of sagging that stretches the under-eye area and makes it more transparent. Injecting the tear trough (the area under the inner corner of the eye) with a hyaluronic filler, such as Restylane or Juvederm, will plump up the undereye skin, diminishing darkness.

An insider’s look

to your eye,” says Gerstner. “You may also be bruised and swollen for about a week.”

As a U.S. Air Force major in the medical corps during Operation Desert Storm, dermatologist LINDA FRANKS treated skin cancer, infections, and rashes that prevented airmen from performing their duties. Today she practices cosmetic dermatology in New York City, where she balances helping patients feel beautiful with helping them realize that they already are.

RESULTS: You should see the final result once the swelling goes down. As with most hyaluronic fillers, results last 6 to 12 months. But you may see longer-lasting improvement because filler boosts the skin’s own collagen production in that area.

ONE OF MY SIX DAUGHTERS

walks into the kitchen and announces she’s ugly. She, of course, is not. “You know the rules,” I reply. “Tell me four positive things about yourself.” I adopted this tactic when my girls were little, figuring that zero tolerance for self-effacing comments would build selfesteem. Clever, right? It didn’t work. Despite their selfie-posting world, my beautiful daughters (ages 15 to 39), along with their friends, refuse to name anything they like about themselves. The same goes for most of my patients. As a dermatologist, I ask this question all day long: “What do you like about your face?” Only reluctantly

COST: The average cost of a hyaluronic acid filler is about $600 per treatment. While some may require a touch-up a few weeks later, most doctors view this as a one-visit procedure. EXPECT THIS: “The injections are almost painless, but it can be nervewracking to have a needle that close

FEBRUARY 2016

will a patient admit that she likes anything. Why is this? Perhaps we are hardwired to be self-critical, prompting us to primp to attract the hardiest mate. Surely social media plays a role. We’re bombarded with perfectly spun photos, including the cosmetic brochures in my office that display unwrinkled 50-year-olds. The truth is, these procedures are meant to reinforce facial structural support, not to “make me beautiful,” as patients request. Just as important as the technique is the mind-set of the doctor. Phrases like “I can fix that” can be interpreted as “You are broken.” When these statements are heard by a vulnerable patient, they can be internalized. Don’t get me wrong—I like the visual effect as much as the next person. I decided to treat my own forehead for the first time at age 39, when my three-year-old daughter, sitting in the grocery cart, said, “Mommy, there’s a big crack in your forehead.” lt felt wonderful to have control over that “crack.” But less is more: My forehead lines are softer but not absent. Perhaps one day I’ll hear one of my daughters say to my granddaughter, “Tell me four positive things…” And I’ll smile, crow’s-feet and all.

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Not enough/not right for you? For some people, dark circles are tied to excess pigment in the area, not to thin skin. “This is more common with darker complexions,” says Bonilla, who cites prescription-strength lightening topicals containing hydroquinone (such as Tri-Luma) as her preferred strategy. Gerstner uses medical-strength hydroquinone pads. For faster and more dramatic results, some doctors use peels to “destroy surface skin where the pigment is darkest,” says Yagoda, who recommends the TCA peel. COST: Medical-strength bleaching creams generally cost about $150. A TCA peel averages $650. EXPECT THIS: Bleaching creams and pads may irritate delicate under-eye skin. A TCA peel will sting but will be on the under-eye area for only a couple of minutes. After an aggressive peel, your skin will look raw. It takes about a week to heal. RESULTS: How significantly a medical-strength topical bleaching product fades under-eye darkness depends on how pigmented the area was to start. “In my experience, most people see about a 35 percent improvement after using a topical treatment daily for 8 to 12 weeks,” says Gerstner. After that, you can maintain the results by using that topical twice a week. If you’re after more dramatic results (and can afford nearly two weeks of downtime), a TCA peel can garner even more improvement.

THE GUIDE beauty

you’re being poked with a small, hot stick. The zapping is over in seconds.

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ROA D T E ST

HAND TREATMENTS

4 BEST HAND SANITIZER

1 2

Written by Jenny Jin Photograph by Ralph Smith

realsimple

ROAD TEST

THE GUIDE beauty

1 BEST BUDGET

Neutrogena Norwegian Formula Hand Cream Fragrance Free Nine hydrating ingredients, such as heavy-duty glycerin, help this salve heal even sensitive skin. Dab onto dry knuckles and cuticles for relief that “lasts through a few washes,” said a tester. TO BUY: $5 at drugstores. 2 BEST SCENTS

5 BEST SCRUB

Molton Brown Alba White Truffle Hand Exfoliator Ah, truffles! Turns out, these indulgences are incredibly hydrating, too— which is what makes this creamy scrub the gentlest, most decadent way to remove dull, flaky skin. TO BUY: $20, moltonbrown.com.

Tocca Crema da Mano Luxe All eight fragrances, including warm vanilla and crisp citrus, are subtle and noncloying. And though it’s rich in shea butter and avocado oil, the formula sinks in fast, with no greasy residue. (And it’s really pretty.) TO BUY: $20, tocca.com.

7 BEST ANTI-AGING

Hand MD Restorative Duo The dual-chamber pump has a retinol- and peptidepacked serum on one side to even out tone and plump lax skin and a rich cream on the other to lock it all in. “My hands don’t look so old anymore,” said a tester. TO BUY: $50, hand-md.com.

3 BEST WORKHORSE

Yard Etc Hand Balm After you’ve washed a sinkful of dishes, this buttery balm will make your parched, pruny hands silky smooth again. “It has an aromatic, fresh smell. I now keep it by my sink,” said a tester. TO BUY: $28, yardetc-usa.com.

6 BEST OVERALL

Supergoop! Forever Young Hand Cream With an impressive SPF of 40, a hefty dose of antioxidants, and a nourishing blend of oils, this multitasker helps to brighten pesky brown spots and prevent new ones from popping up. TO BUY: $12, supergoop.com.

FEBRUARY 2016

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S , I N C .

7 pampering picks to have and to hold year-round.

Neal’s Yard Remedies Organic Defense Hand Spray Unlike traditional formulas, this blend of essential oils doesn’t smell like alcohol and disinfects without drying. “It’s easier than getting my kids to wash their hands!” said a tester. TO BUY: $10.50, us.nyr organic.com.

MEET THE BLOGGER: CHASSITY EVANS

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EVENTS

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GIVEAWAYS

ENHANCE YOUR CLEAN ROUTINE Chassity Evans of the lifestyle blog looklingerlove.com explores life, fashion, entertaining, and décor while loving life in Charleston, SC, with her husband and two children. She sometimes cooks, sometimes works out, but is always on the hunt for new trends and bits of beauty online. Her love for fashion and french fries knows no bounds, and her motto is to “always try to see the good in everything.” Besides keeping her readers up to date on the latest and greatest on Look Linger Love, Chassity also works with many major brands and media tastemakers, including InStyle, Nordstrom, Kate Spade, and more. Follow Chassity for unique tips and tricks, along with stylish finds for the everyday style maven. FACEBOOK: Look Linger Love TWITTER: @looklingerlove INSTAGRAM: @looklingerlove PINTEREST: looklingerlove

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THE GUIDE fashion

S O F T S T Y L I N G BY D E U LO N L E S U R E . T O B U Y: D G 2 BY D I A N E G I L M A N B LO U S E , $ 6 0, H S N .C O M . D E C K E R L U X E C A R D I G A N , $ 2 1 8 , S H O P M I X O LO G Y.C O M . S I M P LY V E R A V E R A WA N G S U N G L A S S E S , $ 6 0, KO H L S .C O M .

On chilly days, try layering a cardigan and a blouse under a midlength vest. Vest, $285, porcelainnyc. com. DG2 by Diane Gilman blouse. Decker Luxe cardigan. Simply Vera Vera Wang sunglasses.

Written by

Jenna Birch Photographs by

Jens Mortensen

HOW TO WEAR A VEST Throwing on this tailored layer is an easy way to modernize your look. But with so many lengths and styles out there, figuring out the outfit is not so easy—until now, that is.

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NICE EXTRA

H O W TO W E A R

A soft knit fabric offers extra warmth (helpful if you’re going sleeveless).

STYLE UPGRADE

THE GUIDE fashion

Wear a statement necklace and stackedheel boots so your Saturday look can segue from afternoon to night.

FIT TIP

Stick with a slim top to offset the volume of the vest and the pants.

LO N G V E ST S With fabric for days, these dramatic cuts may feel intimidating, but they’re actually very figure-forgiving, because they skim over the tummy, the hips, and the thighs. “Pear shapes can add a belt to accentuate a smaller waist,” says Randi Packard, a New York City–based fashion market editor.

HOW TO WEAR THEM

A structured black vest gets a laidback, 70s vibe when it’s worn over a breezy tunic dress and flared jeans. Babaton for Aritzia vest, $245, aritzia.com. Zara dress. Gap pants. White House Black Market necklace. Joie boots. 1 CASUAL

2 DRESSY Be bold yet elegant in a classic plaid. Sure, you could stick with all black underneath, but icy pink and navy adds artsy flair. Vest, $118, bcbgeneration.com. Tory Burch top. Harvey Faircloth pants. Morning Lavender necklace. Skagen bag. Andrew Kayla heels.

3 WORK A cream vest is the perfect gateway item to transition from winter to spring. For now, pair it with neutral basics; save colorful florals for warm days. Vest, $119, anntaylor. com. By Malene Birger top. Nautica pants. By Tory Burch bag. Chico’s bracelet. Rockport flats.

T O B U Y, O U T F I T N O. 1 : D R E S S , $ 3 0, Z A R A .C O M . PA N T S , $ 7 0, G A P.C O M . N E C K L A C E , $ 5 5 , W H B M .C O M . B O O T S , $ 3 8 5 , J O I E .C O M . O U T F I T N O. 2 : T O P, $ 1 9 5 , T O R Y B U R C H .C O M . H A R V E Y FA I R C LO T H PA N T S , $ 4 9 5 , R O N H E R M A N .C O M . N E C K L A C E , $ 3 5 , M O R N I N G L AV E N D E R .C O M . B A G , $ 2 6 5 , S K A G E N .C O M . H E E L S , $ 3 5 0, A N D R E W K AY L A .C O M . O U T F I T N O. 3 : BY M A L E N E B I R G E R T O P, $ 6 9 5 , K AT I A B O U T I Q U E .C O M . PA N T S , $ 1 2 8 , N A U T I C A .C O M . B R A C E L E T, $ 4 9 , C H I C O S .C O M . B A G , $ 4 9 5 , T O R Y B U R C H .C O M . R O C K P O R T F L AT S , $ 1 1 0, N O R D S T R O M .C O M .

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H O W TO W E A R STYLE UPGRADE

Mirror the length of the vest by opting for a long necklace.

FIT TIP

To help mask the midsection, pick a longish top, so its hem meets the vest’s.

THE GUIDE fashion

NICE EXTRA

These pockets are roomy enough for a smartphone, keys, and cash (yes, all at once). HOW TO WEAR THEM

M I D L E N GT H V E ST S Not too long and not too short, these justright silhouettes offer tons of outfit versatility. But skip midcuts if you’re heavier on the bottom—the fabric will “pool” and emphasize your rear, warns Monica Barnett, the chief image curator of the blog Blueprint for Style and the author of the style book Without Saying a Word.

For a chic dinner-party look, layer creatively: a silk shell and a cropped brocade waistcoat under a vest. Vest, $100, zara.com. Zara waistcoat. Eileen Fisher blouse. Banana Republic pants. Sequin earrings. Steve Madden heels. 1 DRESSY

2 CASUAL A vest can also keep an outfit from looking too prim. See how it chills out a buttondown/tweed-skirt combo? Vest, $194, 525 america. com. 7 For All Mankind shirt. Clear by Kai Milla skirt. Lulu Frost necklace. Poverty Flats by Rian bag. Klub Nico flats.

3 WORK Bring some serious structure to a swingy, springy dress with this army-inspired style. Heeled sandals and gold accents keep it ladylike. Vest, $285, brooke atwood.com. The Limited dress. R.J. Graziano bracelet. Stuart Weitzman heels. Karen Walker bag.

TO B U Y, O U T F I T N O. 1 : WA I S TC OAT, $ 1 2 9, Z A R A .C O M . B LO U S E , $ 1 3 8 , E I L E E N F I S H E R .C O M . PA N T S , $ 11 0, B A N A N A R E P U B L I C .C O M . E A R R I N G S , $ 1 9 8 , S EQ U I N - N YC .C O M . H E E L S , $ 11 0, S T E V E M A D D E N .C O M . O U T F I T N O. 2 : S H I R T, $ 1 7 9, 7 FO R A L L M A N K I N D.C O M . S K I R T, $ 5 4 5, C L E A R BY KA I M I L L A .C O M . N EC K L AC E , $ 3 9 5, L U L U F R O S T.C O M . B AG , $ 6 8 , P OV E R T Y F L AT S BY R I A N .C O M . K L U B N I C O F L AT S , $ 1 4 6, S O F T S U R R O U N D I N G S .C O M . O U T F I T N O. 3 : D R E S S , $ 11 0, T H E L I M I T E D.C O M . B R AC E L ET, $ 4 5, R J G R A Z I A N O.C O M . B AG , $ 2 9 7, KA R E N WA L K E R .C O M . H E E L S , $ 4 2 5, S T UA R T W E I T Z M A N , 3 1 2 - 6 4 9 - 0 0 9 0.

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STYLE UPGRADE

Balance a cropped vest with a slightly longer top underneath.

FIT TIP

THE GUIDE fashion

The vest’s open front adds volume and shape to a straight frame.

NICE FEATURE

The rich navy leather is an upscale update to basic black.

HOW TO WEAR THEM

S H O RT V E ST S Longer lengths may be the trend du jour, but these abbreviated cuts will have the strongest style longevity of the bunch, says Chicago-based stylist Noelle Cellini, the founder of the Style Academy, an online style school. Because of where the hem hits, though, those with a large bust or tummy may want to avoid this silhouette.

The luxurious (faux!) shearling brings a modern edginess to a sophisticated, bodygrazing sheath dress. Vest, $89, urbanoutfitters. com. O’2nd dress. Chloe & Isabel necklace. L.K. Bennett clutch. Dolce Vita heels. 1 DRESSY

2 CASUAL Here’s how you take your jeans look to the next level. The scarf’s watercolor print makes the pink vest pop. Vest, $450, rebecca taylor.com. Karen Kane top. Earl Jean pants. Simply Vera Vera Wang scarf. Poverty Flats by Rian bag. Rockport flats.

3 WORK Offset the vest’s boxy shape and sleek zippers by layering slim-fit, conservative work staples underneath. The sweater’s high neckline keeps the look from being too busy. Lauren Ralph Lauren vest, $498, bloomingdales. com. G-Star sweater. Odeeh skirt. Aldo heels.

T O B U Y, O U T F I T N O. 1 : O ’ 2 N D D R E S S , $ 5 2 5 , E L E M E N T S , 2 1 4 - 9 8 7- 0 8 3 7. N E C K L A C E , $ 8 8 , C H LO E A N D I S A B E L .C O M . C L U T C H , $ 3 4 5 , L K B E N N E T T.C O M . H E E L S , $ 1 2 0, D O LC E V I TA .C O M . O U T F I T N O. 2 : K A R E N K A N E T O P, $ 8 9 , B LO O M I N G D A L E ’ S , 8 0 0 - 7 7 7- 0 0 0 0. E A R L J E A N PA N T S , $ 5 4 , M A C Y S .C O M . S I M P LY V E R A V E R A WA N G S C A R F, $ 3 2 , KO H L S .C O M . B A G , $ 8 8 , P OV E R T Y F L AT S BY R I A N .C O M . R O C K P O R T F L AT S , $ 1 1 0, Z A P P O S .C O M . O U T F I T N O. 3 : S W E AT E R , $ 1 6 0, G - S TA R .C O M . O D E E H S K I R T, $ 5 2 5 , E S T I ’ S , 5 1 6 - 3 74 -1 0 5 4 . H E E L S , $ 9 0, A L D O.C O M .

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THE GUIDE health

The caregiver’s guide to good health Nearly 24 million American women provide care for another person. If you’re among them, here’s how to help your loved one—and yourself. Written by Virginia Sole-Smith Photographs by Jessica Todd Harper

W H E N S H E I L A WA R N O C K ’ S B E S T

friend, Susan, was diagnosed with cancer, more than 20 years ago, Warnock sat with Susan in the hospital, looked after her daughters, and listened as she vented her fears and frustrations. Around the same time, Warnock’s mother began her slow decline due to several health problems, including dementia. Within months, “I became the classic, burned-out, isolated caregiver,” recalls Warnock. “I was depressed, couldn’t sleep, and completely put my career on hold.”

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Warnock’s experience isn’t just common—it’s the norm. Although many caregivers report a new sense of purpose and closer ties to the person whom they’re caring for, according to the National Institute on Aging, the experience often comes at a cost. Caregivers suffer from a disproportionate number of health and emotional problems— from depression to panic attacks. They routinely skip health screenings, too, and don’t seek medical help when they need it, even as they scramble to get their loved ones to doctors’ appointments. “It took me too long to ask other people to help me care for Susan and my mother and myself,” says Warnock, whose

struggles led her to cofound Share the Care, a national organization that helps caregivers form networks and ﬁnd support. If you’re a caregiver, you may feel, well, stuck. But making small, doable changes to your routine can help you care effectively while keeping your own health—and sanity—intact.

5 ways to lighten any caregiving load Are you taking on too much? (Of course you are.) You don’t have to abandon your role as a caregiver to ease the burden. Use these research- and expert-backed solutions to feel—and function—better.

THE GUIDE health

1 . R E C L A I M YO U R O R I G I NA L R O L E .

Caregiving changes the way you relate to the person you’re caring for. But it’s crucial to retain some of the old patterns, says Brian D. Carpenter, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychology and an eldercare expert at Washington University, in St. Louis. For example, ask your father for advice about work, even if he’s in the early stages of dementia. If you’re caring for an aging parent, as many caregivers are, don’t call (or think of) what you’re doing as “parenting,” no matter how much it may sometimes feel that way. “Your parent is ﬁrst and foremost your parent, regardless of her physical or mental state,” says Carpenter. “You can’t reverse that role, and being aware of that will help her preserve her dignity, as well as your relationship.” 2 . C O N N E C T. Adults who participated in caregiving support groups reported feeling less burdened and depressed and had an improved sense of overall wellbeing, according to a 2011 review published in International Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry.

“Most start out saying, ‘That’s not for me,’ only to later realize it’s exactly what they need,” says Jennifer Merrilees, Ph.D., a clinical nurse specialist at the Memory and Aging Center at the University of California, San Francisco. Chalk it up to the word should. “You might feel you should be able to handle it on your own, when in fact that’s a recipe for isolation and fatigue. Talking to other people in your situation can make you feel less alone and give you practical caregiving ideas, too,” says Steven Huberman, Ph.D., a caregiving researcher and the founding dean of the Touro College Graduate School of Social Work, in New York City. Look for a group that’s run by a clinical social worker, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist, advises Randi Kaplan, a licensed social worker and the director of the Caregiver Support Program at Montefiore Health System, in New York City. The more specific the group (“for caregivers of people with cancer”), the more you’re likely to benefit from the experience. Give it a few sessions to see if it’s a good fit. If you don’t feel supported or understood—or simply don’t feel better—after several meetings, switch groups, says Kaplan. Many community organizations and hospitals offer such groups. You can also contact your local Area Agency on Aging (N4A.org) for a recommendation, or find online groups at caregiver.org. If you really don’t want to join, seek one-onone help from a social worker or a therapist with caregiving experience, says Kaplan.

3 . T H I N K O F E X E R C I S E A S YO U R L I F E L I N E . No, there is no such thing as a caregiving cure-all, but physical activity comes close, says Karen Robinson, Ph.D., the director of the Memory Wellness Initiative at the University of Louisville, in Kentucky. Exercise is a direct and almost immediate remedy for the top complaints among caregivers—lack of energy, sleep woes, stress, pain, and depression, according to a 2006 National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC) survey. Addressing those issues has a secondary beneﬁt: “Research shows that if you stay healthy, your loved one is more likely to as well,” says Robinson. Even 15 to 20 minutes of activity most days is enough to make a difference, says Robinson. If your loved one is still mobile, consider a family gym membership, so you can both go. (YMCAs often offer programs for senior citizens and people with disabilities.) Or focus on at-home workouts. Strength training is especially beneﬁcial if you help move or lift another person, so invest in a set of hand weights or resistance bands. 4 . T RY T O C U LT I VAT E I N N E R C A L M .

Caregivers who did eight sessions of mindfulness training (classes where they learned to observe and accept their physical and mental states) for two months felt less depressed, slept better, and believed their overall quality of life had improved, according to a small 2015

The average caregiver in the United States is a 49-year-old woman caring for a 69-year-old relative. She provides nearly 25 hours of service a week and will spend at least four years in her role, even though she probably works full-time and is married with children of her own, according to statistics from the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP.

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3 types of caregiving (and how to weather each one) Different situations pose different challenges. Here is some speciﬁc advice for you. IF YOU CARE FOR:

Someone who

study of 37 people at Northwestern University, in Evanston, Illinois. Yoga, meditation, and cognitivebehavioral therapy all increase mindfulness, says Ken Paller, Ph.D., the study author and a professor of psychology at Northwestern. (Check out this month’s Breathe column, page 52, for a quick stress-reliever.) 5 . SAY Y E S T O H E L P. You know you should ask for—and accept—assistance. So why are you still doing almost everything yourself? “Logically, you understand that delegating is a must,” says Kaplan. “But emotionally you’re listening to the little voice in your head that says, ‘This is your responsibility. You should be able to handle it.’” The ﬁx? “Make yes your default response to offers of help,” says Huberman. “Your brother offers to get groceries, even though they won’t be exactly what you need? Say yes. A member of your synagogue says she’ll bring dinner over? Yes again.”

If the offers aren’t ﬂying in or aren’t sufficient, ask your loved one’s family members, friends, and colleagues to join you for an informal meeting. Come up with a list of the caregiving tasks you could unload, then see who is willing to handle them on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. (This can also be accomplished via e-mail or Google Docs. But you’re more likely to have a more nuanced and productive conversation in person, says Warnock.) Visit sharethecare.org to download free resources for organizing a caregiving group. Accept that the help you get may be less than perfect. “No one’s going to do it exactly right,” says Huberman. “And that’s OK. It doesn’t mean that you’re failing your loved one.”

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C AT C H A B R E A K , A L R E A DY. It’s true that most caregivers tend to be overworked, but the 24/7 schedule of being a live-in caregiver can put you at a particularly high risk for burnout, says Marion Somers, Ph.D., the author of Elder Care Made Easier and the former director of Hunter College’s Brookdale Center for Healthy Aging, in New York City. If your friends or family can’t commit to giving you time off every week, ask your local Area Agency on Aging about community resources, like adult day care, says Somers. Or hire a personal-care assistant, who is typically not a medical professional but someone who has experience with caregiving. Rates run around $10 to $25 an hour; you can ﬁnd candidates through community senior and aging organizations. (You’ll also ﬁnd resources for hiring in-home help by clicking on your state in the Family Care Navigator at caregiver.org.) If money is tight, ask local colleges that offer degrees in eldercare and nursing about interns. In a perfect world, you would go on a one-week vacation every six months while another family member took your place. But if you can’t, “you should still do something that makes you feel good every single day, even if it’s only for 10 to 20 minutes,” says Carpenter. “Bringing old routines and familiar pleasures to your new life can serve as a daily reprieve.”

THE GUIDE health

lives with you

TRY OUR

grain frEE IF YOU CARE FOR: Someone who lives nearby S E T A S C H E D U L E . Not living with the person you’re caring for creates its own kind of chaos. “It’s easy to get caught in a trap, feeling like you have to run over for every little thing,” says Warnock. To avoid commuting- and errand-induced fatigue, decide which days of the week you’ll visit. Then, barring emergencies, stick to that schedule, so both you and your loved one have clear expectations. (Again, it helps to ask others to handle errands such as delivering food.)

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The senior population is set to nearly double by 2030, so even if you’re not an active caregiver right now, odds are you will be someday.

don’t have control over your loved one’s day-to-day issues. (Is your mother really taking her pills? Are her home-health aides showing up when they’re supposed to?) So accept that fact and defer to the primary caregiver. “My mother is in her 90s and lives in Wisconsin,” says Gregory Johnson, a senior adviser for family caregiving at EmblemHealth, an insurance company based in New York state. “To help cope with the distance, I put a note by both of my phones that says, ‘Kathy [my sister] is the primary caregiver.’ I can offer input and support, but when it comes to ﬁnal decisions, I defer to her.” (You can also download the National Alliance for Caregiving’s Handbook for Long-Distance Caregivers at caregiver.org.)

while supplies last. Purina trademarks are owned by Société des Produits Nestlé S.A. FEBRUARY 2016

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5-MINUTE TR AINER

CURTSY LUNGE ST E P I T U P A N OTC H

Hold a 2- to 10-pound dumbbell in each hand. As you do the move, allow your arms to hang naturally at your sides, with your palms facing your body.

What it is To tone and tighten your lower body, steal a move from charm school. The curtsy lunge works the major muscles in your hips, buttocks, and thighs, including the tough-to-target sartorii (the long muscles that run the length of your upper legs). And because it involves both strength and coordination, “this exercise will improve your posture and balance, too,” says Cathe Thompson, a group fitness manager at Equinox Fitness in New York City, who created this workout exclusively for Real Simple.

STAND straight, so that your feet are in line with your hips. Place your hands on your hips.

BALANCE on the ball of your right foot so that your right heel is lifted and your right knee is straight (or almost straight). Then bend your left knee slightly. This is the starting position.

1 If the tops of your inner thighs don’t touch when you’re in the starting position, step farther to the left with your right leg. 2 Don’t let your front knee jut in front of your toes as you do the move. This can put undue strain on your knee joint. 3 Aim to keep about three-quarters of your weight on your front leg. This will help you keep your balance and also tone your thighs more effectively.

BEND both knees slowly until your right knee lowers three to four inches. As you bend, keep your back straight, chest lifted, and left foot flat on the ground. Pause at the bottom of the move.

3 PRESS from your left foot, keeping your right heel off the ground, then slowly return to the starting position.

2 REPEAT 10 to 15 times, then change sides. Complete three sets on each leg, three times a week.

Written by

Kimberly Dawn Neumann

Muscles trained Gluteals, hip adductors, quadriceps, and sartorii.

Photograph by

Henry Leutwyler

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FA S H I O N S T Y L I N G BY A LY S S A D I N E E N ; H A I R A N D M A K E U P BY S U S A N D O N O G H U E FO R E N N I S I N C . ; I L L U S T R AT I O N BY R E M I E G E O F F R I

STEP back with your right leg, so that it’s about two feet behind your hips and crosses just past your left leg.

B O DY C H E C K

THE GUIDE health

How to do it

A DVERT I SEM EN T

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Work & Money T H E V I E W F RO M H E R E

What was your childhood like? I grew up in Peoria, Illinois, and moved to Ohio when I was 12. My grandmother Enid was always teaching us how to make things. We’d come back from Enid’s house knowing how to weave baskets out of cattails, and my other grandmother, Betty, would say, “I think we could sell these.” I always knew that running a business would be for me.

P H O T O G R A P H BY N I C K FA N C H E R

What was your first real job? I wanted to be a grown-up when I was 12. I wanted to go out and work. I had been selling stuff and babysitting industriously.

She started by mashing cayenne oil into chocolate ice cream—and grew an artisanaldesserts empire. Her company, Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams, now has 23 thriving shops across the United States and products in more than 1,500 stores. Real Simple got the scoop from Jeni Britton Bauer, 42, on crafting goals, rebooting after a crisis, and learning the difference between art and commerce.

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When I turned 15 and could get a real job, I got one immediately at an ice cream company. Then a French family opened up a bakery across the parking lot, and I went over there and got my next job. I worked there for six years, and I started making ice cream at home during that time. Tell us how you started playing around with flavors. I had lots of essential oils at home because I was also really into perfumery. One day I took some cayenne essential oil and mushed it into storebought chocolate ice cream. I brought that to a party and everybody went crazy. Six or eight months later, I opened a little farm stand in an indoor public market, making ice cream out of the ingredients [cream, fresh fruit] I bought there. That was the beginning of everything. Written by

Jane Porter

THE GUIDE work & money

JENI BRITTON BAUER • Founder of Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams • Columbus, Ohio

THE GUIDE work & money

You were more of a worker than a student. I probably got straight C’s in high school. I applied to Ohio State and didn’t get in, but I’ve never taken no for answer, so I wrote an appeal in pencil on notebook paper. I told them I was working a lot and I loved to work. They reversed their decision and let me in. I took art-history classes, figure drawing, and an incredible class on the French Revolution. What happened next? By that point, I had already started making ice cream, and I was really excited about it. One day this model walked in to figure drawing who I always had trouble drawing. I remember thinking, I can’t sit here for three hours and draw her. So I just got up and left and never went back.

“You can’t become a Jedi of whatever it is you’re doing unless you know it. For me, that came from making ice cream 10 hours a day for years.” You opened a shop called Scream but had to close it. Why? I was very young, just 22. I thought I would make any flavor I wanted each day and people were going to be excited to see what I had come up with, like going to see a live show. I was an ice cream artiste! I make fun of myself now because, as an entrepreneur, that’s the opposite of how you should think. But I didn’t know that at the time. My major problem was that my customers didn’t know what I would have every day. When you

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don’t know if your favorite thing is going to be there, you don’t go. Even though I made a lot of mistakes, I couldn’t do what I do now without that time in my life. How did you regroup? I went back and worked at the bakery for a year or so, made all their croissants, worked in the kitchen, and learned a ton. I also worked at the library and spent my breaks in the business section and cookbook section. I was writing my business plan [for Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams] during that time. What was different? At Scream, I had bubblegum pink hair and wore old-lady slips. I was a goofy girl. At Jeni’s, I cut my hair short, made it brown, and wore starched white shirts and aprons. I took all the emphasis off me and

put it on the ice creams and the service. From day one at Jeni’s, we had a line through the market and out the door.

ria, because our state didn’t require it. But we should have been.

A strong work ethic seems essential, too. You can’t become a Jedi of whatever it is you’re doing unless you actually know it. For me, that came from working behind the counter making ice cream 10 hours a day for years.

How did you respond? Within 15 hours, we decided to recall everything. We aggressively restructured our kitchen and our entire company. It was this incredible blow-up moment. Our stores were closed for two months. I see it as the best thing that ever happened to our business. It was a total crisis, but something like that brings you together and clarifies you in a way that you never would have known had you just been going along.

Your company recently dealt with a major crisis. What happened? A pint of our ice cream tested positive for listeria, a bacteria in soil and water. We had impressive safety practices but weren’t testing for liste-

How is it being a mother and running a business like this? My kids are in first grade and third grade. When you’re an entrepreneur, your work is always in the back of your head. It’s never not there. Even

What’s most critical in a business like yours? The most important thing that you can do is have an amazing team. Don’t hire B players.

P O R T R A I T BY S A R A H M AY C O C K

How’s your work-life balance? I don’t know if I have any balance. I always go back to whatever I’m working on after the kids fall asleep. Women get asked this question a lot. It can be tough, but as you move forward, balance will change. How much sleep do you generally get? I have to have sleep.

I’m an eight-hours-ofsleep person. I’m usually in bed by eight o’clock, often with one of the kids, reading for an hour or two with them. My son and I are reading The Hobbit right now. I start to panic if I’m not trying to sleep by 10, because I need my brain at work the next day. Do you drink lots of coffee? I drink coffee when I get up in the morning, but because I’m so strict about my bedtime, I stop before noon. Any advice for wouldbe entrepreneurs? When you find an idea, it’s about just starting. It doesn’t have to be perfect. If you’re bold enough to start, you just have to stay on the train. Once I get on a train, I don’t get off unless it crashes and burns.

ASK BUCKY TIME INC.’S* ALL-KNOWING, STRAIGHT-SHOOTING VICE PRESIDENT OF STAFFING, BUCKY KEADY, TACKLES YOUR WORKPLACE CONUNDRUMS.

What’s a “good” way to fire someone? If you need to fire someone because of restructuring, be calm and professional and direct: “You’ve done great work, I respect you, I will give you a reference, but unfortunately the company is being reorganized.” If you’re firing someone due to poor job performance, make sure you’ve started the communication ahead of time. I’m not a huge fan of a formal firstwarning, second-warning process, but you should be discussing problems as they occur. When the time comes, you can say, “It’s no surprise, because you and I have had several conversations about what’s working with your job performance and what isn’t working. Unfortunately I haven’t seen the kind of improvement we need from you to help us hit our goals, and I’m going to have to let you go.” It’s better to do it earlier in the week. Then people have the opportunity to network right away—make calls, set up lunches—rather than just go home and have a terrible weekend. * TIME INC. IS THE PARENT COMPANY OF REAL SIMPLE.

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THE GUIDE work & money

when I sleep, I’m often thinking about ice cream, which sounds crazy, but it’s true. I involve my kids, and we’re always talking about business. I’m trying to get them thinking about what they can give back to the world and who they can become. I like the idea that there’s no moment in your life when you become an adult. You can start planning and doing things when you’re a kid.

MONEY WISE

How to stop fighting about money You’ve heard it before (and might even have personal “data” to back it up): Money is the number one cause of marital strife. Financial planner Jeff Motske, the author of The Couple’s Guide to Financial Compatibility, offers five strategies that you can take to the bank—together.

THE GUIDE work & money

TALK MONEY OVER MOJITOS. It seems as if “date night” is the answer to every potential marital bump, and finances are no exception. Motske suggests a once-a-month drink or dinner out where you talk about finances for at least part of the evening—saving for your next vacation, household budgeting, leaving a job. When you know there’s a specific time to go over money issues, there’s less chance for resentment to build, and you’re less likely to ambush each other over, say, an eyebrowraising credit-card statement. And while you could have your money date at the kitchen table, says Motske, being in public helps keep the discussion productive and prevents a fight. It offers a way “to bring up concerns and grievances without getting emotionally fired up,” he says.

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5 HAVE A SAFE WORD. When a fight about discretionary spending is brewing, a reminder of a shared goal can get you back on the same side. Consider having a safe word or phrase about your life dreams that strikes an emotional chord. (“Picket fence,” “Paris”—you get the picture.) Remembering that you both want the same tangible reward can quell the conflict.

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HIGHLIGHT (DON’T HIDE) EXPENSES. This low-tech exercise brings clarity to spending patterns. Print out creditcard statements and go over them together with three different-colored highlighters. Use one color to mark essential purchases, another for things that make you truly happy, and the last for somewhat mindless purchases. “You’ll be shocked by how much you guys are spending on dumb stuff,” says Motske, who practices this highlighter habit with his spouse monthly. The findings keep all charges out in the open, make anything fraudulent easy to spot, and help you cut down on unnecessary costs so you can put the money toward something more important, like college tuition or a retirement fund.

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TEAM UP AGAINST DEBT. Obviously, if you can live without creditcard debt, fights over money decrease enormously. “Credit cards are a necessity in this day and age, but make sure you own them, not the other way around,” says Motske. That means paying them off every month. If this is not possible, get serious without getting mad at each other: Fill a clear container with water, toss the credit cards inside, and place in the freezer. (If you cut cards up and close accounts, your credit score will suffer.) This way, you’ll get a visual reminder that they’re frozen and an obstacle if you’re tempted to cave. When the balance is paid off, thaw the cards. (But not in the microwave—many cards contain metal.) They will still work.

THINK YOURS, MINE, AND OURS. A joint account is key so both parties know what’s coming in and going out. But couples should also have individual accounts with a set amount of money to play with every month. How much? Motske suggests 1 percent of a couple’s total combined income for each person. He makes a case: “If you don’t have your own ‘fun money,’ especially if you’re a free spirit, you’ll feel trapped.” This 1 percent is yours. You don’t have to explain what you bought or why, says Motske, “so you don’t have to fight about it.” If separate accounts seem like a pain (though automatic transfer makes the plan a breeze), apply the same practice with cash.

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ADD ONE OF THESE 15 SIMPLE TWEAKS TO YOUR EVERYDAY ROUTINE—AND SEE WHY THE BEST WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT MAY ALSO BE THE EASIEST.

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IF A CHANGE DOESN’T FIT YOUR LIFESTYLE, IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK FOR YOU. IF YOU LOVE SWEETS, YOU WON’T BANISH THEM ALTOGETHER.

Written by Laura Schocker • Photographs by James Wojcik • Food Styling by Brett Kurzweil

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notice that your favorite jeans are a little snugger than they were last year. You get winded after a flight of stairs. Or maybe you’re just feeling a renewed commitment to well-being after a holiday sugar bender. Then come the promises— a three-day juice cleanse, the treadmill every day for a month, no sugar (or is it no carbs?) ever. But then real life sneaks up on you— and before you know it, you’ve abandoned the entire plan. Turns out, there’s nothing wrong with your willpower. Instead, you might be biting off more than you can chew (no pun intended). The reason diets bomb so often is the allor-nothing extremism people tend to apply to weight loss. “Our culture gives people two options: Take big action or do nothing,” says James O. Prochaska, Ph.D., a professor of clinical and health psychology at the University of Rhode Island, in Kingston, and the author of Changing for Good. When the big action inevitably fails, people become demoralized and go back to doing nothing. “The rare individual can make a dramatic lifestyle change and stick to that very quickly,” says Dariush Mozaffarian, M.D., the dean of the Tufts University Friedman School of Nutrition. For the rest of us mortals, the answer to sustainable weight loss probably lies in the middle ground—making small, incremental changes or meaningful shifts that can make a difference, without affecting quality of life. Research shows that the trick to sticking to a nutrition and ﬁtness plan—and seeing results—might be ﬁnding the one small change that works for you, explains Lesley Lutes, Ph.D., an associate professor and director of clinical training in the department of psychology at the University of British Columbia,

15 SMALL CHANGES FOR BIG RESULTS

No. 1 REMEMBER: THE BEST DAYS START WITH PROTEIN Protein can support both weight loss and maintenance, according to a 2015 research review published in American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. And while eating about 24 to 35 grams of high-quality protein is important at every meal, it’s key in the morning, says lead researcher Heather Leidy, Ph.D., an assistant professor of nutrition and exercise physiology at the University of

Missouri, in Columbia. (Most people consume 10 to 15 grams at breakfast or skip it altogether.) “Protein increases satiety throughout the day,” says Leidy, “and this leads to reductions in food cravings and unhealthy evening snacking.” This could be the equation for the ideal weight-loss breakfast: a two-egg omelet + low-fat cheese + two ounces of lean meat (such as lean ground beef or turkey). No time to cook eggs? Try Greek yogurt with nuts.

FOCUS ON CAN, NOT CAN’T

Start by telling yourself that you can have as many fruits and vegetables as you want. Seriously, go crazy. “The virtually unlimited aspect of it is psychologically powerful,” says Donald Hensrud, M.D., an associate professor of nutrition and preventive medicine at the Mayo Clinic. Also keep in mind that “it’s better to eat 800 calories of healthy food than 600 calories of junk food,” says Mozaffarian. Indeed, his research has linked the consumption of foods such as potato chips, sugary beverages, and processed meats to weight gain, whereas increasing consumption of foods such as vegetables, nuts, and yogurt had the opposite effect.

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY L I N D E N E L S T R A N

IT’S A PERENNIAL CYCLE: You

Okanagan Campus, who has published four studies on a “small change” approach to weight loss. “There is no one small change that works for everybody,” she says. She treats patients in her clinical trials and practice with a program that works like this: For one week, participants record everything they eat and track their steps with a Fitbit. They then look at those records for places to make three to five small diet changes of about 100 calories each, meaning they consistently consume several hundred fewer calories a day. (Think reducing the amount of milk in your coffee or taking the cheese off your salad.) The great news: In Lutes’s first study, overweight and obese volunteers who participated in the small-change program lost seven more pounds in the first four months than did those who received traditional weight-loss treatment, which included regular meetings with a nutritionist to learn about U.S. government guidelines on diet and fitness. Plus, they kept it off in the following months. Lutes says that, according to patients, this less restrictive approach is more manageable and maintainable over time compared with trying to follow a specific diet plan. Even better: When you succeed at a small goal—rather than failing at a big one—you feel motivated to tackle further goals, says Prochaska. Which means, in the long run, that small changes can add up to big changes.

INSTEAD OF AUTOMATICALLY PICKING UP THE WORK-CELEBRATION CUPCAKE THAT DOESN’T EVEN TASTE GREAT, PAUSE TO THINK: DO I EVEN WANT THAT?

TALK TO YOURSELF Ask, Does it taste good? How hungry am I? “We often eat whatever is in front of us,” says Linda Bunyard, a registered dietitian at the Johns Hopkins Weight Management Center, in Baltimore. “We can avoid a lot of unwanted calories by becoming aware of our tendencies and cutting back on some of the unnecessary eating.” And say no entirely to food that’s just plain unsatisfying. (Stale. Movie. Popcorn.) “Have you ever eaten just because everyone else was?” asks Bunyard. “Or because food was right there in front of you? Break this habit. You have only a limited number of calories to spend in a day, so save them for the yummiest ones.”

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No. 4 No. 6

FORGET WHAT YOU’VE HE ARD ABOUT THE SC ALE Conventional wisdom dictates that you shouldn’t weigh yourself too often. The assumption: You risk being discouraged by frequent fluctuations due to water retention or undigested meals. But people who weighed themselves every day lost more weight—and kept it off more successfully— according to a study published last year in Journal of Obesity. “Stepping on that scale affects your decisions through the 24 hours that follow,” says David Levitsky, Ph.D., the lead study author and a professor of nutrition and psychology at Cornell University. In other words, that A.M. reality check might remind you to choose a salad instead of mac and cheese come lunchtime. As for those daily fluctuations, Levitsky suggests recording your weight each day (paper and pen work just as well as an app) and noting long-term patterns instead of daily numbers.

SIT DOWN You might think that you’re being a multitasking hero, eating breakfast in the car or grabbing a handful of pretzels on your way to a meeting. But even if the food is healthy, it could be sabotaging your diet. That’s because eating on the go is

a form of “mindless eating” and can result in consuming more calories later in the day, according to 2015 research published in Journal of Health Psychology. Study participants who ate a cereal bar while walking ate five times more chocolate in a subsequent taste test than did people who socialized (and sat) while eating. The on-the-go group also consumed more than did a third group, who watched a fiveminute clip of Friends. Eating in front of screens is mindless eating, too, but moving may be particularly distracting—and could even make

TRY THE GOLF-BALL TRICK Leave about one-quarter of your normal serving off your plate for every food at every meal for two to three days. Then, as you’re eating, leave two tablespoons of every food (roughly the size of a golf ball) on your plate. “Thirty minutes after each meal, if you remember, check to see if you’re hungry,” says Bunyard. “If you don’t remember to do this, you are probably not hungry.” Finally, she suggests, “check again at the end of the day. Are you still physically hungry? Most of us will find that we are satisfied with smaller servings.”

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WHEN IT COMES TO MINDLESS EATING, NOT ALL TV IS CREATED EQUAL: PEOPLE ATE 98 PERCENT MORE SNACKS WHEN WATCHING AN ACTION PROGRAM COMPARED WITH A TALK SHOW IN ONE CORNELL UNIVERSITY STUDY.

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you think that you’re burning calories. The solution: no more eating and running. “Tell yourself, ‘This is a meal,’ ” says Jane Ogden, Ph.D., the lead study author and a professor of health psychology at the University of Surrey, in England. “And make sure that you take this time out so you will remember you have eaten and will be less tempted to snack later on.”

EAT VEGETABLES FIRST The key is to put an unprocessed vegetable on your plate and consume it before any other type of food hits the table at both lunch and dinner, says Traci Mann, Ph.D., a professor of social and health psychology at the University of Minnesota, in Minneapolis, and the author of Secrets From the Eating Lab. Her research shows that this leads to eating fewer calories. “At the beginning of a meal, you’re most hungry and you’re most likely to eat something that you don’t like as much,” she says.

No. 8 SET THE ALARM (TO SLEEP) You’ve probably heard that there’s a serious connection between sleep and weight. Serious is right: Losing just 30 minutes of sleep on weeknights can lead to long-term weight gain in adults, according to preliminary findings presented at the annual meeting of the Endocrine Society last year. So if you can’t commit to get-

ting the recommended seven to eight hours of sleep, aim to clock just a little extra each night. “If you can get an extra half hour, that’s better than none at all,” says Philip Gehrman, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychiatry and a sleep researcher at the University of Pennsylvania (who wasn’t involved in the study). If setting the alarm clock 30 minutes later during the week isn’t an option, try this trick: Set an alarm clock to remind yourself to go to sleep, says Gehrman.

9 PLAN YOUR “JUST THIS ONCE” Surprises can derail a careful diet plan. Instead of giving in to a “just this once” mentality, Mann suggests mapping out a strategy for out-of-the-ordinary occasions so that they don’t sneak up on you. Come up with if/then plans: “If I end up at a fancy party, then I’ll have one appetizer. After that, I’ll carry a drink in one hand and a napkin in the other.” Repeat your intention several times before you go. “When you’re in the situation, the plan will stick,” says Mann.

THE PEOPLE WHO DRANK WATER BEFORE ALL THREE MEALS LOST MORE THAN FIVE POUNDS TOTAL IN THE THREEMONTH STUDY PERIOD.

10 HEAD FOR THE WATER Obese participants instructed to drink two cups of water before meals for 12 weeks lost almost three more pounds than did those in a control group, in a 2015 study published in the journal Obesity. One (pretty obvious) reason? “Water fills your stomach and seems to increase satiety, which appears to lead you to eat less at your main meals,” says Helen Parretti, Ph.D., the lead study author and a lecturer at the University of Birmingham, in England.

No. 12

E M P LOY T H E L I ST O F 1 0

No. 11

REMEMBER— I T’ S A SCENIC WA L K Whether you think of that run as drudgery or a break from the drudgery might affect how likely you are to pig out afterward. People who were prompted to think of breaking a sweat as fun (that is, a “scenic walk” instead of an “exercise walk”) ate less or made healthier choices later on, according to a study published in the journal Marketing Letters. Reframe your workout to focus on its most rewarding aspects, like “listening to your favorite music while running, or chatting with a friend during a brisk walk,” suggests Carolina O. C. Werle, Ph.D., the study author and an associate professor of marketing at Grenoble Ecole de Management, in France.

Write down 10 ways to make yourself feel good without calories. “Make it a great list. Remember— each item has to feel even better than food!” says Bunyard. “List one item you can do at home, one you can do at work, one you can do in five minutes, and one that will take the whole afternoon.” Some ideas: Watching a favorite TV show, reading a magazine, calling a friend, walking around outside, taking a bath, listening to a favorite song, window-shopping, or sipping a cup of hot tea. And since “your plan is already in writing, you just have to pull out your list,” she says.

USE LAZINESS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

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Vegetables often require cleaning, chopping, and/or cooking. But when all you want is to dive into a bag of chips, you’re not as likely to clean, chop, or cook. So keep healthy foods in ready-to-eat portions. “When you’re looking to grab them, they’re grab-able,” says Mann.

No. 14

“Studies show that if there are candies right by your hand, you’ll eat a bunch,” says Mann. “If you make it so that you just have to straighten your arm, you’ll eat much less. You’ll eat even less if you have to walk across the room.” In fact, women who kept breakfast cereal and soda on their counters weighed at least 20 pounds more than did their neighbors who didn’t, according to a recent Cornell Food and Brand Lab study. And those who had fruit nearby weighed about 13 pounds less. “Use your laziness to your advantage,” says Mann. Some simple ways: Put tempting foods in higher cabinets, so you’ll need a chair or a stool to reach them; serve yourself a reasonable portion of dinner, then store the leftovers in the refrigerator before you sit down to eat; and cover sweets with foil instead of plastic wrap so you won’t see them every time you’re in the kitchen.

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PREP AHEAD

COOK JUST ONE MORE MEAL AT HOME For each restaurant meal that you replace with a home-cooked meal, you can save 200 calories (and more than 400 milligrams of sodium). So plan ahead and have ingredients on hand at the beginning of the week. And as you get used to cooking a dish, you’ll become more efficient and can add it to your weekly

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repertoire, says Hensrud. (He suggests some beans, a whole-wheat tortilla, a little cheese, and fresh peppers with salsa for a basic, healthy burrito.) Are you looking for somewhere to get started? Real Simple’s sister brand, Cooking Light, has an updated healthy-meal-planning tool, called the Cooking Light Diet, with customized menus based on your weight-loss goals and the foods that you like to eat.

How to live with a messy person ahem, or a and not neat freak go insane RECENTLY I WAS RUNNING to answer the phone in my bedroom, but I never made it. Why? Because I tripped on the giant clothes mound my husband had deposited by the side of our bed like a termite nest. As I was going down (clipping a teetering pile of books on his nightstand), I was at least grateful that the mound held a week’s worth of castTO M : “There’s an offs, because it broke my fall. But my easy way to rage built as I struggled to extricate achieve that dream: by myself while the phone rang and rang. committing a I’m neat. Correction: fanatically tidy. crime and My husband, Tom, is a human typhoon going to live in a jail cell.” who leaves a trail of debris in his wake. If it were up to me, I’d live in a pristine, minimalist dwelling. Tom’s reply is— oh, I’ll let him tell you.

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Tom claims he thrives in mess and finds comfort in his piles of periodicals and papers. He drops his clothes on the floor wherever he happens to take them off. TO M : Meanwhile, I get physically uncom- “That’s a temporary fortable if our small Brooklyn apart- storage ment is the least bit out of order. I’m solution.” the sort of twitchy person who leaps up before dinner is over to start cleaning. I also can’t fall asleep until I feel that the house is perfect. Our dynamic was never ideal, but when we were first married and I com- TO M : muted to an office, it was doable. Now “I have a pretty low bar for we both work from home (we’re writ- the house ers) and have a child. Our squabbles being ‘perfect’: about mess have intensified, threaten- The carbon monoxide ing to become battles. Not the sort of alarm is quiet, thing we want our six-year-old daugh- there’s nothing scurrying ter to witness. or making me A few weeks ago, when Real Simple itch, and the ice cream isn’t called and asked me to delve into our left out.” struggle for a story, I eagerly agreed.

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TO M :

“I less eagerly agreed.”

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We were in serious need of guidance: How could we move from power struggle to compromise? How do you motivate a deeply ambivalent spouse to do chores? When do you take a stand on something, and when should you let it go? So I called upon three experts who could try to help us reach a resolution. Julie Morgenstern is a New York organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies and the author of books such as Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life; Gary Chapman, Ph.D., is a relationship counselor and the author of the vaunted 5 Love Languages series; and Darby Saxbe, Ph.D., is an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Southern California who has studied the effects of stress from clutter. First my husband and I e-mailed them all a description of our issues and challenges. Then, in separate phone calls, each pro gave us feedback and tips, and crafted a strategic plan just for us (that can work for anyone).

Meeting of the minds It turns out my edginess sparked by mess is not imaginary. Darby Saxbe tells me her scientiﬁc research has shown that a cluttered home can disrupt a person’s level of cortisol, the stress hormone. “One of the things that make people have a physiological stress response is feeling a sense of overload,” she says, “and clutter is a nagging reminder of things that are left undone.” On the other hand, Saxbe has found that, for others, a surfeit of stuff offers security, memories, and even pride. In other words, one person’s detritus— Tom’s old concert ticket stubs come to mind—is another’s treasure. So the ﬁrst step toward marital harmony, says Julie Morgenstern, is to understand each other’s perspectives. “Focus on the person and not his or her stuff,” she says. She tells me to have Tom walk me through the house, with-

out comment or criticism from me, TO M : and explain why his systems, as bon“OK, yeah, it does pretty kers as they might seem, work for him. much look “If you ask for a tour in the spirit of like a crime scene.” seeing it through his eyes, it will change your relationship to the situation,” says Morgenstern. “You will understand that he simply views his stuff differently than you do.” It never occurred to me that there could be some logic behind his habits, not just sheer laziness. Tom points out that the various paper skyscrapers on his desk are needed every day for TO M : “That suitcase research. The closet where he keeps is a grim his ﬁve (yes, ﬁve) bikes is chaotically symbol of a bursting, but he shows me that he fun trip that has ended. knows where every item is. Boxes are Delaying stacked by the front door as a visual unpacking prolongs the reminder to take them to the post office. pleasure of (Even though, after a few days of non- being away.” action, I end up being the reminder.) He even provides a semi-credible reason for the suitcase that, one week after the trip, is still not unpacked. His explanations do dial down my irritation a tad, and his suitcase rationale actually makes me feel a little sorry for him. “So he does have a methodology—it’s just not the way your system operates,” Morgenstern explains. In the same spirit, I ask Tom why, after he makes a sandwich, it looks as if our refrigerator has exploded. “Forgetting about the prep things,” he says, “is like a form of what psycholo- TO M : “You make the gists call ‘inattentional blindness’: You sandwich; you don’t see what you’re not looking for.” want to eat the sandwich. (Tom writes about science and psychol- You don’t want to be returning ogy, so he really talks like this.) food to its Fair enough. But then Morgenstern rightful place has me walk Tom through the kitchen as the sandafter he has barreled through it to make wich sits, beckoning. In a sandwich so he can see my perspec- my head, I’ve tive. “Show him how upsetting it is already moved on to the next that his mess costs you time and keeps stage: eating you from doing what you want to do,” the sandwich.” she says. We walk past the scattered utensils, the bags of bread, chips, and turkey, and the empty lemonade car-

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ton. I point out that because the kitchen now looks like the Gorilla House at the Bronx Zoo, I’m going to spend 10 minutes cleaning, when all I wanted to do was make a cup of tea. Not to mention that when he leaves containers open and wanders off, the food can get stale or spoil—which costs us money. He is abashed. He promises to make an effort from now on to straighten up as he goes. But just in case, I try one of Gary Chapman’s suggestions and ask him, “Would it be OK if I left you a note to clean up, or would you take that as me being your mother?” (“A request is always better than a demand,” says Chapman, so asking, and providing options, will boost my chances of results.) Tom is ﬁne with it, so I hang a small note on the kitchen bulletin board that reads, PLEASE CLEAN AS YOU GO.

A clothes encounter One of our most squabbled-about issues is Tom’s bedroom closet: It’s stuffed so full that he can’t even close the door. I’ve been pestering him to shovel it out for the past six months. Chapman suggests an opposite approach: “Don’t mention the closet again. He already knows that you want him to clean it out, because you’ve told him 15 times.” Instead, he tells me to give Tom a compliment every time he does another chore, like taking out the garbage or helping my daughter put away Legos. “But why should I praise him like he’s a golden retriever for things he should be doing in the ﬁrst place?” I ask. Chapman laughs. “I hear you,” he says. He explains that this advice applies to either gender and is not about bolstering a mate’s ego but about establishing an atmosphere of kindness and respect, which is ultimately a more fertile ground for effecting change. It still feels retro to me. When I grumble that Tom doesn’t compliment

Dirty laundry Real Simple staffers—some on Team Messy, most on Team Neat—share their biggest pet peeves. T E A M M E SSY •

Making my bed while I’m still in it

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Clearing my drink while I’m still drinking it

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Clanging dishes late at night (because cleanup just can’t wait)

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Mandated shower squeegeeing

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Premature disposal of the newspaper

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Vacuuming under my feet. (“Excuuuse me!”)

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Putting away shoes that were deliberately left by the front door for the next use

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The question “Hey, where do you want this ______ to go?”

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Uncapped toothpaste

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Unidentifiable black cords (“just in case”)

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Hundreds of extra lightbulbs (“you never know”)

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Soggy cereal clogging the sink

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Snacks put back in half-sealed Ziplocs

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Inside-out clothes in the hamper

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Wearing shoes through the house after mowing the lawn

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Piles of loose change

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Crumbs on the computer keyboard

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Microwaving without a cover

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The coupons-and-receipts drawer

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Half-used shampoo bottles

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Taking out the trash but not replacing the bag

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Holding on to leftovers way too long

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Leaving wet stuff in the washing machine

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So many pens!

me on these things, Chapman says that TO M : “This is just I can’t keep score. I just have to suck optimization: it up, give approval generously, and Let the water do the work.” wait. “As simple as that?” I ask, incredulous. “None of us want to be controlled,” he says. “If Tom is feeling like you really care about him, with affirmTO M : ing words, he’s far more likely to be “I have multiples motivated to clean out that closet.” because you throw things And once all the goodwill has been out! Remember established, knowing that I want this when we were about to task done, Tom just might surprise me. leave for Two weeks into forcing myself to Europe and we praise my husband, right after Saturday- finally found my missing morning pancakes, Tom stands in front passport of the closet, hands on hips, and says in the trash? Nothing it’s “time for a rethink.” Then—this is safe, so I sounds too easy, but it’s true—he cleans stock up.” it up. He tosses ancient T-shirts, arranges sweaters, and thins out duplicate items, like four camping headlamps. Digging out his closet took most of the day, but he did it all. I ask Tom later if he had noticed that I was pouring on the compliments. He hadn’t. Sigh. Well, it worked, anyway.

Managing the mess Energized, I consult Saxbe on another perpetual skirmish: I like to wash the dinner dishes immediately, while Tom prefers to “let things soak.” And soak. It’s not until right before bed, when I’m fully enraged, that he ambles over to put them in the dishwasher. Saxbe says I need to loosen up my time frame. “If you give him ownership of the dishes, and he can do them in whatever time frame he wants, then you don’t have to be actively stressed that they’re in the sink,” she says. But this brings on some twitching, so I take Chapman’s advice and tell Tom that I’m not going to nag—I’m just going to trust that after he has let the dishes soak, he’ll follow up and put them away by, say, 10 P.M. He agrees. This idea of meeting in the middle is the key to managing our dynamic, say all three experts. They tell us that one of the most important things we can do is to let go of the thinking that either one of us is “right.” So I hold my

TO M :

“Why do I have to do it all at once? If I’m doing a school drop-off, do I have to tackle a sagging trash bag, too?”

tongue when Tom doesn’t take out the recycling I’ve left by the door when he takes our daughter to school. I ask him if he feels any annoyance that the task is still hovering over him. He admits he does, and says he feels better when he is on top of tasks but ﬁnds it just too tough to stay neat. Working toward a détente, Morgenstern has us pick no-go areas, where Tom can slob out and I get to be immaculate. He claims his bedside table, desk, and bike closet; I claim the kitchen counters, dresser tops, and bathroom cabinets. She also has us contain as much of Tom’s ﬂotsam as possible. To quell his habit of dropping everything at the front door when he gets home, for instance, we hang hooks for his coats and bags and put a covered seagrass bin by the door to dump everything else in (papers, books, sunglasses). I’m still irritated knowing there’s a mishmash of stuff in the bin, but covering it with a lid is helpful: If I don’t see the mess, it doesn’t trigger any twitching.

Breaking the cycle We then move on to the laundry— impetus of many a clash. Tom is a cyclist who generates mountains of sweaty exercise clothes, so he’s in charge of the wash. The problem is that he lets the bag swell to a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ﬂoat before he deals with it—and by the time he has, I tell Morgenstern, the clothes have basically turned to mulch. For fraught situations, she likes to have clients ask themselves a question to gauge if it’s worth the ire: What does it cost you? “Like, with the laundry bag,” she says, “what does it cost you, other than your obsessive need to not have it pile up?” Well, it reeks, I tell her. Also, at a certain point, I run out of underwear.

“Right. So those to me would be TO M : legitimate reasons. Whereas if you’re “You’re the type who thinking, I hate to see something pile straightens up up when it could be getting done, that’s out of habit. But for me, it’s emotional. That’s a thing where you like an event I have to gear have to take your eyes off the stuff.” Morgenstern suggests we swap our up for: Get the Spotify ever expanding bag for a “beautiful playlist ready; hamper that’s smaller, so it ﬁlls faster gather the supplies. It’s and has a lid to contain odor.” Then easier to put she asks Tom if there is anything else it off—or not do it at all.” that bugs him about laundry, and he says “matching socks.” “Oh, the biggest obstacle,” she says. She suggests that we get socks all in one color to eliminate the matching task. “Unless your whole thing is ‘I wear TO M : cool personality socks,’ just screw it,” “I just don’t she says. “Who cares?” We don’t. So know if I want space in my we ditch our socks, hop onto Amazon, brain taken up and order black ones for him and gray with real-time geo-locational for me. (Our daughter gets to keep her tracking animal-festooned “personality socks.”) of my keys.”

Terms of agreement The progress is promising, but there’s still another source of bickering we haven’t tackled: Tom’s habit of losing his keys at least a few times weekly. I point out that he is not so easy-breezy when he’s running late for a meeting. As Charles Duhigg noted in his book The Power of Habit, to change a habit you have to make a new habit. Morgenstern suggests getting a pretty container and putting it by the spot where Tom most frequently tosses his keys, which is a table by the couch. I ﬁnd a little leopard-print bowl with a gold rim on One Kings Lane. The plan doesn’t work. So we buy him the TrackR Bravo, a $30 coin-size gizmo that you can attach to your key ring so you can quickly hunt it down with your phone. His phone basically grows out of his hand, so no chance of loss there. As for me, Morgenstern says I need to get a handle on my endless tidying. The point of staying organized, she tells me, is to free up my time so I can spend

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TO M :

“It’s actually a categorical filing system. All papers go together in one paper-themed vertical storage unit.”

TO M :

it doing the things I love with family and friends. Instead, it seems I devote way more time to cleaning and straightening than I do to having fun. Saxbe agrees. “If your need to clean up is interfering with things you enjoy, that’s maladaptive, meaning it stops working for you,” she says. “In which case it’s time to rein it in.” Now, when we’re playing a family game of Monopoly and I’m tempted to leap up and put something away, I ask myself, “Can I stay in the moment instead? Can it wait? Do I need to do it at all?” What Tom and I learned pretty rapidly in this experiment was that, as Chapman puts it, “either your spouse cannot change, or for some reason, he or she will not change. That’s whenyou’ll have to realize that it’s not any great crime that there are stacks of paper all over your husband’s desk. It’s not logical to you, but it works for him.” So I’ve stopped harping about Tom’s messy desk. Instead, I ask him (instead of commanding him) to end every workday by at least squaring the piles into tidy stacks to give the illusion of neatness, and to stash loose work detritus in a cabinet with the door closed. And I now ask myself, “What does it cost you?” multiple times a day. This ingenious little phrase delivers instant perspective. We still have our disputes, but we really try to see things from the other’s point of view. And I have begun to get that constantly patrolling the wastebaskets to see if they need emptying is not much of a life. Do I want to live in a showroom, or do I want to live in a home? Instead, I try whenever possible to adopt Tom’s philosophy of life, which appears to be “Let it soak.” Q

“Turns out, her clean-upas-you-go approach isn’t as tough as I thought it would be. I’ve found it’s better for my stress levels to be more proactive rather than flying into crisis Jancee Dunn is the author of the upcoming mode at the advice book How Not to Hate Your last minute.” Husband After Kids (available May 2017).

REALSIMPLE.COM

MEET YOUR NEW

It’s your BROILER—and, boy, is it captivating. In less than 30 minutes it can turn out crispy chicken, golden French toast, or clams fit for a dinner party. Things are sure to heat up quickly… FEBRUARY 2016

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Linguine with broiled garlic and clams

Produced by Sarah Copeland Photographs by Marcus Nilsson Food Styling by Victoria Granof Set Design by Jeffrey W. Miller

HOT TIP The heat of a broiler turns out extra-crispy skin on smaller cuts of chicken, like legs and thighs. (Larger pieces will burn before the meat cooks through.) Place thicker parts toward the center of the pan, where the heat is concentrated.

Broiled citrus chicken with mushrooms and onions

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Quick broiled eggplant dip

HOT TIP A broiler mimics the direct, searing heat of a grill, so ingredients like eggplant and tomatoes get a charred, smoky flavor while the insides stay soft.

Burst-tomato toasts

BURST-TOMATO TOASTS

QUICK BROILED EGGPLANT DIP

BROILED SWEET-ANDSPICY SQUASH

CHARRED BRUSSELS SPROUTS SALAD

HANDS-ON TIME 10 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 20 MINUTES SERVES 4

HANDS-ON TIME 10 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES SERVES 4

HANDS-ON TIME 10 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 20 MINUTES SERVES 4

HANDS-ON TIME 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES SERVES 4

4 thick slices whole-grain bread, cut into thirds

1 large eggplant (about 1 pound)

⅓ cup olive oil

3 tablespoons tahini

2 pints cherry or grape tomatoes

3 tablespoons olive oil

Kosher salt and black pepper 1 8-ounce container ricotta broiler to low with the rack 6 inches from the flame. HEAT

BRUSH the bread with 2 tablespoons of the oil. Toast under broiler until golden brown, 1 to 2 minutes. Set aside. Increase broiler to high. TOSS the tomatoes with the remaining oil, 1 teaspoon salt, and ½ teaspoon pepper. Broil on a rimmed baking sheet until charred and the juices are released, 8 to 10 minutes.

divide the ricotta between the toasts. Top with the warm tomatoes and their juices. Season with freshly ground pepper and serve warm or at room temperature. MEANWHILE,

1 small acorn squash, scrubbed (about 2½ pounds) ¼ cup olive oil

3 tablespoons lemon juice

2 tablespoons maple syrup

2 cloves garlic, chopped

1 tablespoon Sriracha or hot sauce

1¼ teaspoons kosher salt

1 pound Brussels sprouts, sliced 8 radishes, thinly sliced 2 small tart apples (such as Crispin or Macoun), thinly sliced ¼ cup olive oil

Kosher salt and black pepper

½ teaspoon ground cumin Pinch cayenne pepper

1⅓ cups cilantro

1 tablespoon chopped parsley

Kosher salt and black pepper 1 lemon, juiced 2 ounces Parmesan, shaved

HEAT broiler to high with the rack 6 inches from the flame.

HEAT broiler to high with the rack 6 inches from the flame. (Adjust for more space if the eggplant touches the broiler.) Prick the eggplant all over with a fork.

the top quarter off the squash and scoop out the seeds. Cut into thin rings and spread in an even layer on a rimmed baking sheet. Combine the oil, syrup, and Sriracha and brush over the squash. Season with 1 teaspoon salt and ½ teaspoon pepper. CUT

BROIL the eggplant on a rimmed baking sheet until charred and soft, 20 minutes. REMOVE from heat and cool. Scoop out the flesh from the eggplant and pulse it with the tahini, oil, lemon juice, garlic, salt, cumin, cayenne, and parsley in a food processor until smooth. Serve with the vegetables.

BROIL until toasted and warmed through, 10 minutes. Sprinkle with the cilantro and serve warm.

HEAT broiler to high with the rack 6 inches from the flame. TOSS the Brussels sprouts, radishes, and apples in the oil on a rimmed baking sheet. Season with ½ teaspoon each salt and pepper. BROIL, stirring with a wooden spoon every 2 minutes, until the Brussels sprouts are charred and the radishes and apples are crisp-tender, 6 to 8 minutes. Sprinkle with the lemon juice and toss. Serve warm with the Parmesan.

HOT TIP For optimal browning, place the rack 4 inches (for an electric coil) or 6 inches (for a gas flame) from the heat source. Always turn on the oven light so you can watch and make adjustments as needed.

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Broiled sweet-and-spicy squash

Charred Brussels sprouts salad

BROILED CITRUS CHICKEN WITH MUSHROOMS AND ONIONS

WHOLE-GRAIN CINNAMON FRENCH TOAST WITH BROILED GRAPES

HANDS-ON TIME 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES SERVES 4

HANDS-ON TIME 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 20 MINUTES SERVES 4

1 orange, sliced into rounds

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus more for the pan

2 clementines, sliced into rounds

4 eggs

2 4-ounce packages sliced mixed wild mushrooms

1½ cups whole milk

1 red onion, cut into 8 wedges and layers pulled apart

2 teaspoons vanilla 1 small loaf whole-grain bread, sliced 1 inch thick (about 8 slices)

⅓ cup olive oil Kosher salt and black pepper

1 bunch purple grapes, clipped into 4 portions

1 teaspoon crushed coriander seed

2 tablespoons sugar 2 teaspoons cinnamon

6 chicken legs (about 1½ pounds)

Maple syrup, for serving

1 packed cup arugula, chopped

HEAT broiler to high with the rack 6 inches from the flame. Lightly grease a baking sheet with butter.

1 tablespoon toasted pine nuts broiler to high with the rack 6 inches from the flame. HEAT

the orange, clementines, mushrooms, onion, ¼ cup of the oil, and 1 teaspoon each salt and pepper and toss to coat. Spread in an even layer on a baking sheet. Combine the remaining oil, the coriander, and ½ teaspoon each salt and pepper and spread all over the chicken. Nestle the chicken in the vegetables and broil, turning the chicken every 5 minutes, until the vegetables are crisp-tender and the chicken is golden and a thermometer inserted into the thickest part of a leg registers 165° F, 15 to 18 minutes. COMBINE

HOT TIP Under a broiler, a sheet pan acts like a large skillet, with heat coming from above. So you can brown big batches (think baguette slices for crostini, chicken wings, or French toast) in one go. Just make sure you rotate the pan and flip the food once.

BEAT the eggs, milk, and vanilla together in a shallow bowl. Dip the bread slices in the egg mixture, in batches, until the centers are soaked through. Let any excess egg drip off. PLACE the bread slices on the greased pan. Lay the bunches of grapes alongside them. Broil until the bread is toasted and golden, about 3 minutes. Meanwhile, stir together the sugar and cinnamon. Flip the bread and broil on the other side until lightly toasted, about 2 minutes. Remove the bread and sprinkle with the cinnamon sugar. Allow the grapes to cook for another 5 minutes. SERVE warm with more butter and maple syrup.

MEANWHILE, toss together the arugula and pine nuts. Season with a pinch each of salt and pepper. REMOVE the chicken. Use a spatula to toss the vegetables in the chicken juices and oil to coat. Serve the vegetables with the chicken, sprinkled with the arugula and pine nuts.

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LINGUINE WITH BROILED GARLIC AND CLAMS HANDS-ON TIME 20 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES SERVES 4

1 tablespoon olive oil 2 cups dry white wine ¼ cup water 6 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed ¼ teaspoon crushed red pepper Kosher salt and black pepper 24 small hard-shell clams (such as littlenecks), scrubbed clean 12 ounces fresh or dried linguine 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into cubes ½ cup finely grated Parmesan, plus more for garnishing ¼ cup fresh parsley, chopped BRING a large pot of salted water to a boil. HEAT broiler to high with the rack 6 inches from the flame. Combine the oil, wine, water, garlic, red pepper, and a pinch of salt in a 9-by-13-inch baking dish and broil until the garlic is toasted and the wine is fragrant, about 2 minutes. Add the clams and continue to broil until all the clams are open, 4 to 6 minutes. MEANWHILE, cook the linguine according to the package directions. Drain and return to the pot, along with the butter, Parmesan, and parsley. REMOVE the clams from oven and pour them and their juices over the linguine. Toss well and serve warm, with more Parmesan and black pepper.

FIRED UP

Get more broiler-ready recipes, including a cheesy croque monsieur sandwich, at realsimple.com/broiler.

Whole-grain cinnamon French toast with broiled grapes

THE

F RU ST R AT I N G G R AT I F Y I N G

LONG

L I M I T-T E ST I N G

INSPIRING

HAUL What makes otherwise normal people take on epic (2,000-mile, multiyear, multipart) projects? Writer Amy Shearn explores the motivation behind their journeys—and the pleasures and pitfalls they experience along the way. Photographs by Peter Hapak

I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE: I’ve been reading the same novel for nine years. In my defense, it’s really long. I don’t know whether it makes it better or worse that it’s an obscure book. For who on earth will give me appropriate credit for having read a 13-volume, out-of-print, stream-of-consciousness early-20th-century work called Pilgrimage, by a little known author named Dorothy Richardson? I’m not saying I need a medal, but I admit I’d like someone to be legitimately impressed, as if I’d read Ulysses, say, or the fine print on an iTunes update. But even if no accolades await me, I feel a particular thrill every time I pick up one of the volumes—that old-book scent as redolent as a boyfriend’s borrowed sweater. I’m in no particular hurry to ﬁnish. For one thing, there’s not much of a plot, so it’s not as if I’ve been on the edge of my seat for a decade. And for another, reading this book has become part of who I am. As the other

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THE HIKER Macon York Hiking the 2,160-mile Appalachian Trail TIME FRAME: Six solid months, March 2012 through September 2012 NAME:

PROJECT:

THE HIKER MACON YORK was 15 when she set her sights on the Appalachian Trail. Her dream was to walk the length of it—from Georgia to Maine—backpacking and camping along the way, before she turned 30 (an age that to a teenager seemed impossibly distant). After college, the Georgia native moved to New York to work as a designer, and one day, in the magazine office where she worked, she happened upon a memoir of hiking the trail. “It felt like a sign,” says York. She spent the next year planning her trip, taking on an additional roommate and freelance work, and squirreling away a tax refund to amass the $6,500 she needed for gear and expenses. In March 2012,

at age 27, she set out with a friend. The second day, the friend had to back out due to an injury. “I was totally alone,” York recalls. She did encounter other hikers (a whole culture exists around hiking the trail), “but they were so cranky and grumbly. I was just happy to finally be doing it.” About 100 miles in, she met—and joined—a group of like-minded souls. “Having friends laughing through the hard days made it so much easier. It felt less like a feat of endurance and more like an adventure.” How does one conquer a 2,160mile trail, even with a supportive posse? “Starting out, you do 10 or 12 miles a day until you get your ‘trail legs,’ ” York explains. “After about two weeks, I was doing 15 to 19. Your body acclimates a bit at that

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point. You get quick with your chores—getting water, packing up the tent—and you’re more in shape.” York reveled in the beauty of the trail and the wonders of waking up in the woods. Walking through the change of seasons was thrilling: from the brown, barren tones of March, through the blossoms of springtime, the lush greens of summer, to hints of autumn gold. Of course, it wasn’t all magic. “In Vermont and southwestern New Hampshire, the newness was over, I was sore and tired, and there weren’t many spectacular views.” Later, Maine’s White Mountains proved incredibly demanding. “Five to 10 miles was all we could do. It was kind of demoralizing to hike all day and cover so little ground, but the trail was hard and the days shorter.” At the end, York found herself full of triumph, and as a bonus, in love with one of her hiking buddies, Luke Costlow, who is now her fiancé. York says she wasn’t thinking about the epic quality of the undertaking as it was happening. “It was more, Tomorrow I am going to get up and hike 17 miles. There was a basic understanding that I’ll eventually get there if I do the work.” And physically? “I was impressed by my body,” says York, now 31. “I feel like our bodies are stronger than we give them credit for.”

THE DR AF T SMAN JAMES GULLIVER HANCOCK likens his plan to draw every building in the Big Apple to the proclamations of enthusiastic children. (I’m going to fly to the moon! I’m going to be king of the world!) “I love it when kids make huge, sweeping statements,” he says. Of his own grand plan, the freelance illustrator says,

S T Y L I N G BY J E N N I F E R S M I T H ; H A I R A N D M A K E U P BY A L L I E S M I T H U S I N G C H A N E L

aspects of life flit and flurry around me—over the course of my reading I’ve changed jobs, moved apartments, and had two children—good old Dorothy is always midsentence, midrevelation, waiting for me to return. Of course, I’m not the first to discover the pleasures of extended projects, and mine is certainly among the more mundane. Diana Nyad swam 53 hours from Cuba to Florida in 2013, after five prior attempts. Director Richard Linklater filmed his 2014 movie Boyhood over the course of 12 years. And Beat-generation painter Jay DeFeo continuously applied oils to a work called The Rose for eight years, beginning in 1958, until the picture weighed nearly a ton and had to be removed from her apartment by forklift. It all leaves me to wonder, why on earth do we humans embark on crazy extended endeavors? Alex Lickerman, a physician and the author of The Undefeated Mind, has thought a lot about this. He says committing to lengthy ventures allows us to test “what in psychology is now called grit,” that buzzwordy mix of patience and perseverance. Lickerman reminded me of the famous study about delayed gratification conducted by the psychologist Walter Mischel and explained in the book The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control. In this study, children were offered a choice between one reward immediately (usually a marshmallow or a cookie) and two rewards if they waited. Mischel concluded that the ability to delay gratification for the sake of future reward has profound long-term consequences for people’s welfare and health. But science illuminates the long haul only elliptically. What I want to know is, why do some of us not just tolerate delayed gratification but seek it out? And how do we keep the faith along the way? To find out, I tracked down three intriguing specimens and asked about their long-haul adventures.

THE DR AF T SMAN NAME: James Gulliver Hancock PROJECT: Drawing every building in New York City TIME FRAME: Begun in 2010; 1,000 down, a zillion to go

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THE QUILT ER NAME: Sister Judith Ann Shea PROJECT: Intricately embroidering and quilting a queensize bed cover TIME FRAME: 47 years, on and off, from 1966 to 2013

“I’m committed to it as a goal, no matter how unachievable.” Hancock, age 38, who is from Australia, started the project when he moved to New York, five years ago. He says he wanted to keep a diary of how the city looked to him as an outsider. “I couldn’t get over [the buildings’] familiarity from film and TV,” he explains. “I was intrigued to see it operating for real.” He never leaves home without his sketch pad. When a building catches his eye, Hancock might do a quick sketch in a minute or two, or he might settle in and spend 20 minutes. “Your observation goes to another level when you sit and draw real things out in the world,” he says. Over the years he has been at this, his drawings have evolved, taking on more detail and, in some cases, color. (Full-color pen-and-ink pieces can take an entire day.) At press time, Hancock has drawn more than 1,000 buildings. What drives him? He says that when he sees the city from a distance—from a bridge, for example— he’s moved by its vastness, and sad about the impossibility of spending time with every building. “I think this manifests as anxiety, and that might be what keeps me going,” he says. “I want to gather and gather and gather till I get all of them in my collection.”

THE QUILTER WHEN SISTER JUDITH ANN SHEA of the Sisters of Saint Joseph, in Brentwood, New York, was a novitiate, back in 1966, a sister at her convent was given an expensive quilting kit as a gift. After cross-stitching one elaborate 14-inch snowflake, the sister gave up in frustration. There was a whole queen-size expanse to

cover. The kit ended up on a giveaway table, and Shea took it for her mother, who had just retired. One more cross-stitched snowflake later, the kit was back with Shea. She began carrying panels of the quilt and cross-stitching whenever she had time to fill on an airplane, in a community meeting, or in medical waiting rooms, as she helped her sister through a lengthy illness. Eventually Shea set a goal: to have the quilt ready for her nephew’s 25th wedding anniversary, in 2000. That date came and went. More than a decade later, in 2012, that same nephew announced the wedding of his daughter Kris. Suddenly Shea had a feeling that the quilt had really been for Kris all along. She happened to have been born in a blizzard and would appreciate all those delicate snowflakes. So Shea buckled down, spending

every spare minute measuring and cutting batting and hand quilting each panel. “I don’t think I came up for air once that year,” she says. “My fingers had calluses. But I had that goal to have it for Kris’s wedding, and that was very important to me.” When the quilt was finished, in time for the August 2013 nuptials, Shea looked at it and could not believe that she had finally done it. She proudly presented it to the delighted bride and promptly immersed herself in other quilting projects. Shea, now 76, knows what it is to put something aside, then have that unfinished endeavor call until you pick it back up. She was never troubled by the way the quilt morphed in scope and meaning. To her, that’s all part of the process. “In art, when you’re creating,” she says, “you have to be open to the possibilities.”

BEING, AND STAYING, OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITIES. That, right there, is exactly the near mystical appeal of the long haul. What struck me most about these disparate long-haulers was how similar their attitudes were. They remind me to enjoy the slowness of a worthy, complex endeavor, to surround myself with positive people, and to remember to laugh, even through the moments that aren’t fun, even when you look in front of you and see hundreds more miles to walk, eight more feet to cross-stitch, even when life takes over and you need to put away your project and come back to it later, sometimes much later. These are all part of the process. And they are all, in fact, what makes the long haul so very worthy. I suspect another beneﬁt of the long haul has something to do with what John Keats called “negative capability,” the willingness, even desire, to embrace uncertainty and live with mystery. There is so little of this in our scheduled, circumscribed daily lives. Practically every single question we have can be answered by Google, and I know I’m not the only one with a Ticking-Things-Off-To-Do-Lists addiction. But we crave something more. We suspect that by pushing ourselves, by digging deep, we will get a little closer to knowing what we are made of. Whether it’s a singular goal or a venture that becomes a daily practice, having a project can sustain us through the rocky times, can serve as a comfort, can offer something to return to. The long haul is in that way akin to the essence of life: adding one stitch, then another, then another, in order that the larger pattern can make itself be, eventually, seen. Q

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Quick Cooking 136, 138, 152, 154, 159 Healthy Pick 136, 155, 159 Freezable 150, 159 Make Ahead 136, 149, 150, 152, 155, 159 Slow Cooker 149 One Pot 136, 149, 150, 155, 159 Whole-Grain 136, 138, 155 Vegetarian 136, 138, 159 Gluten-Free 136, 138, 150, 154, 159

A N OT H E R RO U N D

In a health face-off, corn tortillas beat flour for their lower fat and higher fiber stats. Try them with the skirt steak tacos (page 154).

W H AT’ S N OT TO L E E K ?

This inexpensive, easy-tofind relative of the onion tastes great with chicken, especially when you cook it in the pan drippings (page 150).

S E T D E S I G N BY J E F F R E Y W. M I L L E R

N U T S FO R PA STA

ANCIENT GREEKS THOUGHT WALNUTS CURED HEADACHES. LIVENING UP A QUICK WEEKNIGHT PASTA IS ALMOST AS GOOD (PAGE 152).

Photographs by

Kate Mathis Food Styling by

Chris Lanier

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“WINNING TAKES HEART.” MICHELLE WIE

LPGA superstar Michelle Wie knows that StarKist Tuna and Salmon Creations® Pouches have the lean protein and heart-healthy omega-3s your heart needs.*

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E A SY D I N N E R

1 Slow-cooker Asian short rib stew HANDS-ON TIME 30 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 41⁄2 HOURS TO 7 1⁄2 HOURS

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

SERVES 6

3 pounds boneless beef short ribs, cut into 2-inch pieces ⅓ cup finely chopped fresh ginger ¼ cup soy sauce 6 cloves garlic, finely chopped 2½ tablespoons toasted sesame oil Kosher salt and black pepper FO OD

3 carrots, cut into 3-inch pieces 3 red onions, cut into wedges 1 cup low-sodium beef broth 1 pound baby bok choy (3 medium heads), coarsely chopped 4 scallions, sliced, plus more for serving 2½ tablespoons white vinegar

I L L U S T R AT I O N BY M E L I N D A J O S I E

Steamed rice or noodles, for serving COMBINE the short ribs, ginger, soy sauce, garlic, sesame oil, and ¾ teaspoon each salt and pepper in a 6-quart slow cooker and mix well. Add the carrots, onions, and broth and stir to combine. Cover and cook until the beef is tender, on low for 6 to 7 hours or on high for 4 to 5 hours. SPOON off the fat from the slow cooker. Stir in the bok choy, scallions, and vinegar until the bok choy is wilted. Serve the stew in bowls topped with additional sliced scallions, along with the rice or noodles.

THINGS COOKS KNOW Yes, you can throw everything in the slow cooker and walk away. But for even better flavor, first brown the short ribs in oil in a hot pan over medium-high heat, turning every 2 minutes until deeply golden brown.

Recipes by

Justin Chapple

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Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

E A SY D I N N E R

2 Braised chicken with leeks, peas, and butter beans HANDS-ON TIME 25 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 1 HOUR

SERVES 4

2 tablespoons olive oil 8 bone-in, skin-on chicken thighs Kosher salt and black pepper 3 medium leeks, white and light green parts only, halved lengthwise and cut into 1-inch pieces 4 cloves garlic, sliced 1½ cups low-sodium chicken broth FO OD

3 tablespoons sour cream 1 15.5-ounce can butter beans, drained and rinsed ½ cup frozen peas, thawed 2 tablespoons lemon juice 2 tablespoons chopped dill, plus sprigs for serving HEAT the oil in a Dutch oven or large, deep skillet over medium-high heat. Season the chicken with 1 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Cook, skin-side down, until golden brown, 8 to 10 minutes. Transfer to a plate. ADD the leeks and garlic to the Dutch oven. Cook over medium heat, stirring often, until the leeks are just tender, 6 to 8 minutes. Add the broth and sour cream and bring to a simmer. Add the chicken, skin-side up, and simmer over medium-low heat until an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest piece registers 165° F, 12 to 14 minutes. STIR the beans, peas, lemon juice, and chopped dill into the sauce and simmer until the beans are hot, 2 to 3 minutes. Serve topped with dill sprigs.

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NO ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR. NO ARTIFICIAL COLOR.

NO ARTIFICIAL HISTORY.

Our roots began in the backyard garden of Assunta Cantisano. Today, we continue her legacy of using farm-grown ingredients and fragrant herbs to blend a delicious tradition of fresh taste in every jar.

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

E A SY D I N N E R

3 Penne with red sauce, radicchio, and walnuts HANDS-ON TIME 25 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

SERVES 4

¾ pound penne ¼ cup olive oil 1 red onion, chopped 4 cloves garlic, sliced 1½ tablespoons finely chopped anchovies Kosher salt and black pepper 1 28-ounce can crushed tomatoes

FO OD

½ teaspoon crushed red pepper 1 head radicchio, sliced (about 4 cups) ⅓ cup chopped parsley Chopped toasted walnuts and shaved pecorino, for serving COOK the pasta according to the package directions. Reserve ⅓ cup of the cooking water; drain the pasta. MEANWHILE, heat the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, anchovies, 1 teaspoon salt, and ½ teaspoon black pepper and cook, stirring often, until softened, 6 to 8 minutes. Add the crushed tomatoes and red pepper and cook, stirring often, until thickened, 10 to 13 minutes. Stir in the pasta and reserved cooking liquid and cook until coated, 1 to 2 minutes. Stir in the radicchio until just wilted, 2 to 3 minutes. Stir in the parsley. TRANSFER to plates and top with the walnuts and pecorino.

NUTRITION

Get details on fat, calories, and sodium at the bottom of each recipe on RealSimple.com.

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Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

E A SY D I N N E R

4 Skirt steak tacos with Greek salsa HANDS-ON TIME 25 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

SERVES 4

1 pound skirt steak 1 teaspoon smoked paprika

TORTILLA TIP

Toast tortillas in a dry skillet or griddle until lightly charred and soft, about 2 minutes per side.

Kosher salt and black pepper 3 tablespoons olive oil ½ cup thinly sliced red onion 1½ tablespoons red wine vinegar

FO OD

2 Persian cucumbers, sliced 1 cup grape tomatoes, chopped 8 6-inch corn tortillas, warmed Crumbled Feta, for serving SEASON the steak with the smoked paprika, 1 teaspoon salt, and ½ teaspoon pepper. Heat 1 tablespoon of the oil in a large cast-iron skillet over high heat. Cook the steak, turning once, until medium rare, 5 to 6 minutes. Let rest for 5 minutes before slicing against the grain. MEANWHILE, combine the onion and vinegar in a bowl and let stand for 5 minutes. Stir in the cucumber, tomatoes, ¼ teaspoon each salt and pepper, and the remaining 2 tablespoons of olive oil. TOP the tortillas with the steak, salsa, and Feta.

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E A SY D I N N E R

5 Spicy shrimp and farro soup with winter greens HANDS-ON TIME 30 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 45 MINUTES

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free

SERVES 4 TO 6

¼ cup olive oil 4 large shallots, coarsely chopped 1 large carrot, coarsely chopped 1 to 2 fresh hot red chilies, sliced, plus more for serving 4 cloves garlic, sliced Kosher salt and black pepper

FO OD

1 15.5-ounce can diced tomatoes 8 cups low-sodium chicken broth 1 cup whole farro ¾ pound peeled and deveined medium or large raw shrimp 5 ounces (8 cups) torn Swiss chard (from about 1 small bunch) Torn basil leaves and crusty bread, for serving HEAT the oil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add the shallots, carrot, chilies, garlic, and ¼ teaspoon each salt and pepper and cook, stirring often, until the vegetables are just tender, 6 to 8 minutes. Add the tomatoes and their juices along with the broth and bring to a boil. Add the farro and cook until tender, 20 to 25 minutes. STIR in the shrimp and chard and cook until the shrimp are opaque, 2 to 4 minutes. Transfer the soup to bowls and sprinkle with the basil and additional sliced chilies. Serve with the bread.

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ROA D T E ST

BLACK TEA Staffers sipped 141 different bagged blends. These get two pinkies up.

realsimple

ROAD TEST

Written by Heath Goldman Photograph by Ralph Smith

Twinings English Breakfast English breakfast tea is typically a blend of astringent teas, especially those from China and Sri Lanka, which stand up well to milk. This classic is bright but not bitter. TO BUY: $4.20 for 20 bags, at grocery stores.

1 BEST FLAVORED

The Republic of Tea Cinnamon Plum Black Tea This aromatic pick is well balanced with ground cinnamon, elderberries, and natural plum flavor. The airtight container keeps the tea fresh. TO BUY: $9.50 for 50 bags, at grocery stores.

5 BEST CHAI 3

Smith Teamaker Masala Chai Far more fragrant than dusty-tasting competitors, this winner packs a punch with whole pink and black peppercorns, cloves, cardamom, and ginger root. Steep it in hot water or combine it with frothy milk and sugar in the Indian tradition. TO BUY: $12 for 15 bags, at grocery stores.

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S , I N C .

2 BEST DECAF

Mighty Leaf Decaf Breakfast Tea Silk tea bags and whole organic leaves allow for maximum infusion. Fullbodied and complex, it reminded tasters of butter cookies and toast. TO BUY: $9 for 15 bags, at grocery stores. 3 BEST IRISH BREAKFAST

Harney & Sons Premium Irish Breakfast Tea Bags Irish breakfast tea is like English breakfast tea, but maltier, thanks to Assam leaves from India. Tasters voted this variety the most potent cup, begging for a splash of cream and sugar. TO BUY: $6.50 for 20 bags, at grocery stores.

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6 BEST EARL GREY

Celestial Organics Earl Grey This Fair Trade Certified blend starts out citrusy but finishes with Earl Grey’s trademark maltiness. Great for an afternoon snack with sweets. (Try shortbread cookies.) TO BUY: $5 for 20 bags, Whole Foods Market.

FO OD

4 BEST ENGLISH BREAKFAST

W H Y N OT T RY… ?

Colorful choices Aside from the familiar white variety, cauliflower can be golden orange, purple, or light green (a cross between cauliflower and broccoli sometimes called broccoflower). Orange cauliflower contains more vitamin A than white, while purple is rich in the same healthy flavonoid found in red wine.

The tender texture and the slightly sweet flavor of this wintry vegetable make it an ideal ingredient for eating raw in a salad, pureeing into soup, or even rounding out a pizza. And though it easily breaks down into bite-size pieces, we’ve got a whole (hint, hint) new way of cooking it. (Check out No. 6 on the following page.) Written by

Heath Goldman Photographs by

Levi Brown

Deep thoughts Mark Twain once wrote, “Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.” And, indeed, the bumpy head of a cauliflower does look like a brain (and is also called, appetizingly, the curd). Look for heads that are tight and compact, with no dark spots and fresh, firm leaves fanning around them. If there are any small blemishes, gently rub them away with a grater or a microplane.

CRUCIFEROUS CREATIONS

Can’t get enough? Go to realsimple.com/ cauliflower for four fresh ideas.

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FO O D S T Y L I N G BY M I C H E L L E G AT T O N

FO OD

CAULIFLOWER

Cauliflower cranberry salad

Creamy cauliflower soup

Sweet-and-sour cauliflower

Combine 4½ cups thinly sliced CAULIFLOWER with ½ cup finely chopped RED ONION, 1 cup PARSLEY LEAVES, and ⅓ cup DRIED CRANBERRIES. Whisk 1 Tbsp. each GRAINY MUSTARD and ORANGE JUICE, 1 finely chopped clove GARLIC, 1 tsp. ORANGE ZEST, and 6 Tbsp. OLIVE OIL. Season with SALT and PEPPER. Toss the cauliflower mixture with the dressing. Marinate for 20 minutes. Serve with roasted meat, such as PORK TENDERLOIN. SERVES 4

Cook 1 cup chopped YELLOW ONION, 2 finely chopped cloves GARLIC, and 1 Tbsp. THYME in 3 Tbsp. BUTTER until tender. Add 10 cups CAULIFLOWER FLORETS and SALT and PEPPER. Cook, covered, until the cauliflower is tender. Add 4 cups LOW-SODIUM CHICKEN BROTH and cook for 20 minutes. Add ½ cup HEAVY CREAM and cook for 5 minutes. Transfer to a blender and puree until smooth. Garnish with CHIVES and BACON. SERVES 4

Cook 1 chopped YELLOW ONION and 2 finely chopped cloves GARLIC in 2 Tbsp. OLIVE OIL with a pinch of SALT until tender. Add one 28-ounce can DICED TOMATOES, ½ cup RAISINS, ¼ cup SHERRY VINEGAR, and 2 Tbsp. SUGAR. Cook for 5 minutes. Add 5 cups CAULIFLOWER FLORETS and SALT and PEPPER. Cook until tender, about 10 minutes. Serve over COUSCOUS with chopped PARSLEY.

FO OD

SERVES 4

Cauliflower pizza

Quick red cauliflower curry

Cook 1 thinly sliced YELLOW ONION in 2 tsp. OLIVE OIL until golden brown. Stir in 2 cups thinly sliced CAULIFLOWER, ½ tsp. chopped THYME, a pinch of CHILI FLAKES, and SALT and PEPPER. On a rimmed baking sheet, top one 10-inch round refrigerated PIZZA DOUGH with 1 cup shredded MOZZARELLA, the cauliflower mixture, and 2 Tbsp. grated PARMESAN. Bake at 450° F until the cheese is bubbling, 20 to 25 minutes. SERVES 4

Cook 1 cup chopped YELLOW ONION in 1 Tbsp. CANOLA OIL until tender. Add ¼ cup THAI RED CURRY PASTE, season with SALT and PEPPER, then cook until fragrant. Stir in 4 cups CAULIFLOWER FLORETS, 2 peeled and chopped medium SWEET POTATOES, and 1½ cups each UNSWEETENED COCONUT MILK and CHICKEN BROTH. Simmer until tender, 20 minutes. Stir in 1 cup FROZEN PEAS and season. Serve with cooked JASMINE RICE. SERVES 4

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Whole roasted cauliflower with harissa yogurt Combine 1 cup PLAIN FULL-FAT GREEK YOGURT, 2 tsp. HARISSA, 1 finely chopped clove GARLIC, and ½ tsp. LIME ZEST; season with SALT and PEPPER. Trim the leaves from 1 medium CAULIFLOWER. Rub the cauliflower with OLIVE OIL, SALT, and PEPPER. Roast at 400° F until tender, 1 hour. Sprinkle with chopped CILANTRO. Slice or break into pieces and serve with the harissa yogurt. SERVES 4 TO 8

A DVERT I SEM EN T

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K I TC H E N S K I L L S

Things Cooks Know

How to chop baking chocolate

COOKIE MONSTER?

For 10 irresistible chocolate chip cookie recipes, go to realsimple.com/ chocolatechipcookies.

True love is tirelessly chipping away at a hard bittersweet block so that your valentine can have an extra-fudgy molten-chocolate cake. The best way to do it—without shards flying everywhere and melting on the floor— is to first anchor the cutting board to the counter by placing it on top of damp paper towels. Then microwave the bar in 10-second intervals, turning in between them, until the chocolate just shines at the corners. The slightly softened chocolate will be easier to cut, with fewer dusty shavings, and there will be less risk of the knife sliding off and nicking a finger. Finally, use a serrated knife, which is best for grabbing the smooth surface.

C H O C O L AT E C H I P CO OKIE SCIENCE No one is complaining about a warm-from-theoven chocolate chip cookie, right? Except, well, maybe it would be even better if it were crispier? Or crispy on the outside but chewy on the inside? Or just a bit cakier? Here’s a cheat sheet for hitting that sweet spot, no matter your preference. (Hint: It’s all about the sugar.)

4 ways to flatten parchment paper It’s one of the handiest kitchen materials out there. But when your hands are covered in batter and you’re about to drop a dollop on the pan, why does parchment insist on curling up? Try these tactics to scare it straight. 1 Lightly grease the baking sheet with vegetable oil or butter, then press down the corners of the paper until they stick. 2 Crumple the sheet, then smooth it out. 3 Place a plain magnet in each corner. (Make sure that the magnets have no paint or glue, which could burn.) 4 Cut sheets ahead of

time and store them stacked in a baking sheet, with another baking sheet on top. Written by

Heath Goldman THIN AND CRISPY

T H I C K A N D M O I ST

Use all granulated white sugar. If a recipe calls for brown and white sugars, substitute an equal amount of white for the brown. White sugar helps absorb moisture in the dough, resulting in crisper cookies. And as it heats and dissolves, it causes the cookies to thin out.

Use all brown sugar (the reverse of thin and crispy). Brown sugar contains molasses, which adds moisture to the cookies. Molasses is also slightly acidic, which causes the proteins in the dough to firm up quickly instead of spreading out.

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SOFT WITH CRISP ED GES

Stick to equal parts granulated white sugar and brown sugar. The granulated sugar causes just enough spread for the edges to firm up, while the brown sugar softens the middle for that irresistible chew.

REALSIMPLE.COM

Illustrations by

Melinda Josie

A 2- I N C H I C E CRE AM SCO OP MAKES SHAPING C O O K I E S FA ST E R . ( N O ST I C K Y FINGERS!)

FO OD

Techniques and tips for Valentine’s Day baking— from the Real Simple test kitchen to yours

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FAMILY MATTERS

• Veterinarian at Hillside Veterinary Hospital • Married to Nick Kovacs, with one son, Miki, 2, and a daughter on the way • Victoria, British Columbia

“Nick and I are part of the ‘sandwich generation.’ Because we had a child later in life, we are taking care of a small kid and our aging parents simultaneously.”

9:05 A.M. “Getting Miki out of the house is a challenge. I bribe

him by saying we’re going to look at the spiderweb on the porch. Often I have to strap him in the car seat to get his shoes on.”

10:30 A.M. “We visit my husband’s mother at an extendedcare facility about once a week. She had a stroke three weeks before Miki was born, so this is the only way he knows her.”

4 THINGS THAT MADE MY LIFE SIMPLER No. 1

“I’ve gotten over mommy guilt. My son is well cared for. I like to work. This is my life.” No. 2

“An afternoon nap makes all the difference— especially now that I’m pregnant.”

GIVING BACK

12:05 P.M. “Nick is a lieutenant in the navy. His base is five minutes away, so he can come home for lunch. Because I usually work nights, this is our only family mealtime of the day.”

12:45 P.M. “Part of being a military wife is being prepared for

4:20 P.M. “Pets are not themselves when they come to the clinic. Treats are my trick to help calm dogs. But with cats, you just have to read their body language and let them be.”

7:50 P.M. “As a vet, I do have to give bad news at times. ‘Making people cry since 2002’ should be on my business cards. I probably spend more time reassuring owners than animals.”

Nick to be sent on a mission. He’s been home since Miki was born. But when we first met, he left for Sudan for six months.”

No. 3

“Crafts are not for me. I’ve tried—it’s just not worth the time and effort.” No. 4

“Having friends who are also working parents with busy lives offers a great support system. We can relate to each other.”

Photographs by Grant Harder

FEBRUARY 2016

164

REALSIMPLE.COM

“I also run a nonprofit called Vets for Pets. Once a month, we provide free medical care for the pets of Victoria’s homeless and lowincome communities.”

Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Introducing the newly redesigned Volkswagen Passat with Blind Spot Monitor, one of seven available Driver Assistance features.* Passat. Where family happens.

vw.com

When equipped with optional Front Assist

Simulated image. *Driver Assistance features are not substitutes for attentive driving. See Owner’s Manual for further details and important limitations. For more information, visit www.iihs.org. ©2015 Volkswagen of America, Inc.

Half sugar. Half shine. Twice as tempting.

New. 2-in-1 Clinique Sweet Pots™ Sugar Scrub & Lip Balm clinique.com

RS - February 2016

Articles inside

Food

THE LONG HAUL

AND NOT GO INSANE

MEET YOUR NEW FLAME

Features

MONEYWISE

WORK & MONEY

Curtsy lunge

HEALTH

FASHION

EXPERTISE

CLIP AND SAVE

BEAUTY

ROAD TEST

Q. and A. with organizer and author Marie Kondo

HOME

MODERN MANNERS

Your vexing pet questions, answered

HOW-TO

GOOD READ

THE STAPLE

LITTLE HELPERS

Magnets

EDITOR’S NOTE

NOW WHAT?!?